To the back! Mr. McMahon is shaking hands with new Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre. Josh Matthews asks Mr. McMahon for a word. Mr. McMahon advises Matthews to get a word with the new champ. Drew McIntyre says that this is just the first step, and that his victory was inevitable. Sheamus steps up and eyeballs McIntyre's belt. Sheamus says that, as a newcomer himself, he's impressed with what he just saw. McIntyre smiles and pats his title belt. Sheamus says that McIntyre won't be the only newcomer leaving TLC with some gold.

Match #3: Mickie James vs. Michelle McCool: This is the Women's title match. McCool comes out in a ridiculous boxing-style hooded robe. She tries to throw the hood back, but it doesn't go all the way back. Is there anything this woman won't steal from AJ Styles? Good grief. Mostly hair-pulling and shouting to start, with a few forearm shots thrown in. Layla accompanies McCool to ringside. Forcing me to call a Michelle McCool match has to violate the Geneva Conventions in some way. Layla tries to push Mickie from the top turnbuckle, and McCool accidentally kicks her in the face when Mickie dodges. McCool lands a weak and poorly-placed kick on Mickie and covers her for the pin. 

Winner (and STILL Women's Champion): Michelle McCool 

Match #4: John Cena vs. Sheamus: This is the Tables match for the WWE Championship. Lots of hype for the story on Sheamus in the "Irish Voice," particularly that he's on a mission to gain respect for his country as well as himself. Lots of boos for Sheamus. Let's face it, it's only because he's fighting Cena. Sheamus gestures at Cena, and Cena attacks Sheamus in a flurry of offense. Cena hits a bulldog, and throws Sheamus into the corner. Sheamus charges out with a clothesline and drops Cena. Sheamus mounts Cena and punches him repeatedly. Sheamus goes to the floor and hunts for a table, but Cena catches him there and beats him down, ripping off the top of the announce table in the process. Cena throws Sheamus into the ring steps. Cena pulls a table from beneath the ring and sets it up. Cena drags Sheamus's upper body onto the table, then climbs to the top rope. Sheamus rolls off of the table, then goes after Cena in the ring. Punches, kicks, and a slam follow. Cena hangs on the ropes on the apron as Sheamus tries to knock Cena through the table. He fails. Cena gets Sheamus up in the Attitude Adjustment and tries to throw him through the table. he fails. Sheamus works slowly and methodically, punching Cena and slamming his head into the steps. The welts and bruises on Sheamus are much more visible than on most people. Cena fights back and gains control, lifting Sheamus into the Attitude Adjustment on the floor and trying to throw him through the table. Sheamus fights out, and tries the same thing, via suplex. Cena fights back, and suplexes Sheamus into the metal ramp. Cena brings the table to Sheamus, for a change. Cena folds up the table and hoists it up onto his shoulders, running at Sheamus to hit him with it. Sheamus barely rolls out of the way. Cena and Sheamus brawl around the barricade, going into the audience for a time. Cena drags Sheamus into the ring by the head. Cena goes back to the floor and sets up another table. Sheamus kicks Cena in the face, and tries to put him through a table set up in the corner, a la Mark Cuban. Cena fights out. Sheamus pushes the table out of the ring, and Cena hits Sheamus with the Attitude Adjustment. Cena goes to the floor and folds up the table he previously set up, and slides it into the ring. Cena tries an Attitude Adjustment from the top of the ropes through the table, but Sheamus fights out. Both men balance on the middle rope, then the top one. With one shove, CENA GOES THROUGH THE TABLE AND SHEAMUS WINS!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!! THIS IS UNREAL!!!!! Cena leaves shocked and dejected. When the footage is replayed, a big deal is made of the fact that Cena and Sheamus both slipped and fell, rather than Cena actually being pushed or thrown through the table by Sheamus. This somehow means that Cena's loss is unfair or tainted. Uh, it's a TABLES match, and how you go through the table does not matter. 

Winner (and NEW WWE Champion): Sheamus

Match #5: Batista vs. the Undertaker: This is the Chairs match for the World Heavyweight Championship title match. Taker enters through smoke and flames, with the hat and long coat, wearing the title belt around his waist. This is truly one of the greatest entrances ever, and I never get tired of watching it. Seeing it live is awesome cool. I'm a theatre teacher, what do you want from me? King says that this is going to be one of those that you just sit back and enjoy, so I will. Both men go for the chair right away. It's all power moves and trying to get to the chairs first. There are many. Taker throws a chair into the ring without looking, and nearly hits the referee. Funny. After brawling through the audience, Taker tries a running boot to Batista's head. Batista dodges and Taker gets hung up on the barricade. Batista assaults Taker's knees with chair shots, then shoves him against the ring post. Batista takes a mighty chair shot, but Taker dodges and Batista hits the post. Taker rolls Batista into the ring and targets the arm. Taker covers Batista, who kicks out at two. Taker tries to go Old School, but Batista stops him. Batista superplexes Taker from the top turnbuckle, then covers him. Taker kicks out at two. Batista gets a chair and sets up for a Batista Bomb. Taker counters with a backdrop. Punches are exchanged. Batista plants Taker with a spinebuster. Batista wedges a chair between the ropes and lays into Taker with punches. Taker lands the jumping clothesline, then successfully goes Old School on Batista. Taker hits Snake Eyes on Batista, but Batista hits Taker with a spear. Batista gets a chair and drops Taker on it with a spinebuster. Taker catches Batista in the Hell's Gate. It doesn't seem to be properly or completely applied, and Batista escapes. Batista takes a chair and goes to ringside. Taker leans over the ropes to grab Batista, but gets a chair shot to the face for his trouble. Taker fights back, and choke slams Batista. Batista kicks out at 2 3/4. Batista dodges another attack, and Taker collides with the referee. Behind the referee's back, Batista low-blows Taker. One chair shot to the head later, Batista covers Taker for the pin.

Winner (and NEW) World Heavyweight Champion: Batista

Theodore Long comes out and says that while chairs are legal, blatant low-blows are not. He restarts the match. Batista rushes back to the ring to hit Taker with a chair one more time. Taker hits the Tombstone Piledriver on Batista and covers him. Matt Striker points out that Long may have done this out of guilt over his prior actions against Taker.

Winner (and NEW/STILL) World Heavyweight Champion: Undertaker    

To the back! Legacy intrudes upon Kofi Kingston prepping for his match. They're not there to beat Kofi down, just to deliver a message from Randy Orton. Kofi refers to Legacy as "carrier pigeons," and storms down the hall to Orton's dressing room. Kofi tells Randy that he thinks Randy is a coward, that he doesn't deserve another title shot ever again, and that he looks forward to beating Randy down in the ring. Kofi leaves after staring down all three men.

Match #6: Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton: Orton takes Kofi down with a headlock, and grinds him into the mat. Kofi gets Orton's head in a leg scissors, but Orton fights out. Kofi brings the agility and athleticism, Orton brings treachery and a ground-and-pound style. Orton stomps Kofi in the corner. Orton hits Kofi with a power slam, but Kofi kicks out. Kofi leaps from the top turnbuckle in a flying crossbody, but Orton counters with a dropkick in mid-air, and both guys hit the floor. Orton drops Kofi across the barricade, further damaging the ribs. Orton rolls Kofi into the ring for a pin, but Kofi kicks out. Orton grabs Kofi's feet and stomps the midsection repeatedly. Orton drops knees and stomps Kofi further, and goes for the pin. Kofi kicks out. Orton punches Kofi in the face. Orton stands gloating over a fallen Kofi, but Kofi is playing possum, and hits Orton with the SOS. Nice!!! Kofi covers Orton, but Orton kicks out at 2 1/2. Kofi clotheslines Orton over the top rope to the floor. Kofi hits a beautiful suicide dive onto Orton on the floor. Kofi moves slowly due to the damaged ribs. Kofi climbs to the top turnbuckle and hits a HUGE flying crossbody on Orton. Kofi goes for the cover, but Orton kicks out. Orton hits Kofi with a backbreaker and gains control. Orton slithers around Kofi, but Kofi hits a dropkick out of nowhere, followed by the Boom Drop. Kofi hits Orton with the Trouble in Paradise, but Orton is close enough to grab the bottom rope. Kofi drags a limp Orton back into the ring. Now it's Orton who was playing possum, and drops Kofi with a stiff DDT through the ropes. Orton goes to Punt Kofi in the head, but Kofi blocks it with his arm. Orton targets the arm and works it over. Kofi goes for another Trouble in Paradise, but Orton dodges and counters with the RKO. Orton covers Kofi for the win.

Winner: Randy Orton

To the back! Batista tells Teddy Long that Batista's loss is all Long's fault, that he's going to make this right, or the next time that he swings a chair, it's going to be at Long's head.

Match #7: DX vs. Chris Jericho & Big Show: This is the main event, the proper TLC match for the Unified Tag Team Championship titles. Jericho and HBK go in the ring while HHH and Show brawl on the floor. HHH digs under the ring for something while Jericho stomps HBK in the ring. Jericho drives HBK into the corner and lands punches and kicks. HBK leaps from the top turnbuckle to drop an elbow, but Jericho brings the knees up. Jericho leaves a prone HBK in the ring and goes up the ramp to bring Big Show to the ring. HHH fights both men off before being dropped by Show. HBK arrives with a chair. HBK and Jericho duel with chairs before HBK lays out both JeriShow members with chair shots. Big Show recovers quickly and drops HBK. Jericho orders Show to bring the big ladder to the ring. DX rushes the ring and stops JeriShow. HHH runs a ladder into Jericho's midsection. Yes, the same ladder that Jericho ordered Show to carry to the ring. DX isolates Jericho and hit him with the ladder repeatedly. DX suplexes the ladder onto Jericho, then use it as a battering ram on Show. Show hits the floor. DX sets up the ladder. HBK climbs it and HHH runs interference. Show enters the ring and yanks HBK down. Show hits HHH with headbutts in the corner. Jericho pins HBK between the ladder and the ringpost. JeriShow takes control, and Jericho bulldogs HHH onto the ladder. Jericho drops HBK to the floor with a punch while Show sets up the ladder. Show picks up HHH and runs him back-first into the ladder. Show hangs HHH upside down in the ladder, and tosses HBK into him. Show then splashes HHH in the ladder. JeriShow has HHH isolated in the ring. Jericho tries to throw HHH into the ladder again, but HHH reverses it and tosses Jericho into it. HHH hits Show with a ladder. Show tries to chokeslam HHH, but HHH counters into a rolling DDT. HBK tunes up the band and goes for Sweet Chin Music, but Jericho dodges and counters with the Codebreaker. HHH hits a spinebuster on Jericho. Everybody's down. Show recovers first and sets up a ladder in the ring. HHH hits Show with a chair. Show gets angry. HHH tries another chair shot, but Show punches it and HHH falls. HBK comes to HHH's aid, and DX Pedigrees Show together. HBK climbs the ladder. Jericho pushes the ladder over, and Show catches HBK on the floor, then drops him. Jericho climbs the ladder. HHH rolls into the ring and grabs Jericho. Jericho shoves HHH down. HHH throws Jericho off the ladder and tries to climb it himself. Show chokeslams HHH off of the ladder. Show throws the damaged ladder out of the ring and punches HHH. Jericho gets a new ladder from beneath the ring as Show lays into HHH. JeriShow gets both members of DX in the largest ladder, closes it, and hits the ladder with chairs. The ladder is actually broken in half. JeriShow knocks DX to the floor. Show picks up HBK in a chokeslam and throws him at HHH, causing DX to go through a table set up against the barricade. Show enters the ring, and Jericho stands on Show's shoulders to reach the belts. DX enters the ring and hit Show with superkicks. Jericho flies outside to the floor, hitting the edge of a set-up table in the process. That looked really bad. DX uses a ladder to knock Show out of the ring and to the floor. Having only the half of a ladder, HHH hoolds it up as HBK climbs it and takes down the belts.

Winners (and NEW Unified Tag Team Champions): DX

Jana's Last Words: I paid for this show, and I don't feel ripped off at all. I can't stand DX, and Michelle McCool is a waste of space, but the rest of the show was quite solid. Is there anything more shocking than Sheamus defeating John Cena and winning the WWE Championship title? I was well and truly stunned. Orton beat Kofi, but the match was such that no one looked weak. I'd like to see that feud go a bit further. Christian retained the ECW title, and if he's the last-ever champ, he will have been a good one. My man Drew McIntyre now sports some gold, and now we get to see what he's capable of doing with it. A longer feud over the Intercontinental title with Morrison could do great things for both men, even if Morrison is slated to go on to other things. Undertaker wasn't losing tonight, he just plain wasn't. All in all, this was a hell of a way to end the 2009 ppv calendar. I'm definitely a lot more interested in the WWE product for 2010 than I thought I would be. Hopefully, you all have found me a suitable last-minute replacement for this review, and I shall dig you cats later!

Peace out,

Jana