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WWE Hell in a Cell 2011 Real Time Report: Match By Match Results
By Aaron Wood
Oct 2, 2011 - 11:16 PM
Welcome to the
WWE Hell in a Cell 2011
Real Time Report
This report is being written in real time. You will need to hit refresh in order to see the latest results as they happen.
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LESS THAN SIX BUCKS!
Tonight shouldn't really be happening. It's like the WWE went "What do you mean Aaron's not covering Night Of Champions because he's in New York? Screw him, get another PPV on the books for as soon as possible!" but alas, we do have a PPV only 2 weeks after Night Of Champions and at best 3 weeks out from Vengeance. Suffice to say, there's not much to say right now. Well, other than head to Club WWI right now not only to check out the Haku interview, but also my latest audio where I give the whole site the Charlie Sheen treatment and give it a good roasting...
See you at the top of the hour for the PPV!
Our opening video starts with hyping Orton vs. Henry before moving onto the FIRST TIME EVER Triple Threat match. You know, like that means anything after four-ways and six man matches....
There's just something lacking from the gimmick when there's no Undertaker... And 2 weeks of build...
Your stage setup is much like Elimination Chamber, with a half-Cell set up around the entrance.
The voices in your head for this evening are Michael Cole, Jim Ross and Booker T. Jerry Lawler's ass must still be spewing out the red stuff...
Christian vs. Sheamus in a "This is probably one of those matches were whoever wins this probably sets up the Smackdown title matches" match
Miz & R-Truth show up as Christian is in the ring with ringside seats. Somehow Truth seems to have only gotten the row behind Miz. Johnny Ace comes out with security to escort them from the building. Yeah, like this isn't an obvious setup for later...
As Sheamus comes out, we listen to the other foreigners at the Spanish Announce Table Hugo Savinovich & Someone who is not Carlos Cabrera. Looks like a pudgy Todd Grisham, actually.
We start slowly with grappling. Then again, we only have six matches. And one of them has Mark Henry. And another has women. Hey, kelly's not exactly working a loose 20...
Michael Cole is giving "The Great White" the "Rellik Is Killer Spelt Backwards" treatment to Sheamus.
Sheamus is on top with some side headlock takedowns before pounding on Christian in the ropes. Christian tries a jump out the corner, but Sheamus catches him and gives him the fallaway slam.
Sheamus heads up top but Christian is up quick and shoves him to the mat below to take control.
Christian chokes Sheamus in the ropes before trying a sleeper while piggy-backing on Sheamus. However, Sheamus just dropped backwards to break that up. Why doesn't that happen more?
Sheamus misses an elbow drop, allowing Christian to keep control as they talk about HHH. I believe this means James Guttman does a shot. Christian scores with a missile dropkick, but only gets a 1 count.
Christian hits the slap of "Opponent pissing off" a couple of times which fires Sheamus up, with him clubbing Christian down. Forearms are next followed by a scoop powerslam for a 2 count. The Irish Curse is blocked, but Christian slips out. Christian teases the Killswitch, but that's blocked, and he catches Sheamus on the top rope. A crossbody is caught and The Irish Curse picks up 2. While Sheamus is now on offence, the announcers talk about how out of it Sheamus is.
Christian catches Sheamus with a shot and heads up, but is cut off. Sheamus wants a superplex, but Christian punches him down, hits the pendulum kick and tornado DDT for a barely a 1 count. Christian wants the Killswitch again, but Sheamus shoves him into the corner and hits a clothesline. Sheamus hits a knee lift and leaves to go up top, but Christian annoys him enough to bring him back in the ring. Sheamus downs Christian and flips over onto the top turnbuckle. The Battering Ram connects, but Christian avoids the Brogue Kick. Sheamus is sent to the apron, where he teases a suplex, but Christian slips out and pulls him down.
A baseball slide is countered and but Christian kicks Sheamus off and hits a spear on the mat. He ducks back in the ring and leaves Sheamus to be counted out. Sheamus gets in at 7, but hits another spear right away. However, that just picks up a 2 count. Booker claims a slow count. It wasn't. Christian misses a frog splash, but the Celtic Cross is countered. So is the Killswitch and Sheamus comes off the ropes and hits the Brogue Kick and there's the match.
Backstage, Matt Striker is with Mark Henry. He is about to ask about his first Cell match. Henry mocks Striker (with an awesome voice) before saying it's a different time and different champion. Didn't matter if it was in a cell or a back alley, Orton would join the Hall Of Pain.
Sin Cara vs. Sin Cara in an "I'm betting Sin Cara wins this..." match
To keep things accessible to everyone, I shall call them Blue and Black. Not everyone knows who Hunico and Mistico are.
They start off pointing at themselves. Black takes blue down and stands on Blue to pose. Booker is sure the black one is the real one. They start doing lucha stuff and blue gets the upperhand on it.
They trade flying headscissors. I don't know if the crowd is confused or just plain shitty. Based on the opener, I'd say the latter.
Blue off the ropes with a headscissors and then an armdrag that sends Black out. Tope by Blue. However, Blue's Asai Moonsault sees him miss. Back in the ring, Black hits a slongshot senton for a quick 2 count. Blue gets out a chinlock and goes for the handspring back elbow, but Black counters with a dropkick to take firm control.
Blue tries to be fancy in the corner but gets punched out to the floor. Black essentially lawn-darts himself out onto Blue. The Announcers, having said "Sin Cara 1 and Sin Cara 2" now get my jist and start referring to the colours.
WHOEVER IS DOING THE BORING CHANT SHOULD SHOOT THEMSELVES RIGHT NOW!
Indeed, Cole and Booker start with the Azul & Negro stuff!
Blue sends Black out by the announce tables and hits a crossbody off the top turnbuckle to the floor. A roll up gets another 2 count. A kick to the chest by Blue, but Black hits a powerbomb off a hurricanrana attempt. Booker T said the kick was to "the mask area".
Blue hits an armdrag from the top rope despite teasing the Spanish Fly. Blue hits the head kick in the corner and heads up top. The Swanton misses, but Blue rolls through and hits something of a Code Red (oddly enough) for the win.
WINNER: BLUE/REAL SIN CARA
This would have been the shit in Mexico. This crowd couldn't have given one.
CM Punk is getting taped up when David Otunga walks in wearing a bright blue shirt, bowtie and sweater vest. Otunga pimps himself out as Punk's potential lawyer, but Punk tells him where he can get to with that idea.
We see the Tag Titles graphic, while we're supposed to be seeing the New Orleans skyline, so you can guess what is next...
Evan Bourne & Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger in a "This wasn't officially announced, but you could guess..." match for the WWE Tag Titles
Vickie gets her own entrance to try and get something from this crowd as she introduces Dolph & Swagger.
Swagger and Kofi started off. Kofi got the upper hand and tagged in Evan for a double-stomp hile holding Swagger up in the ropes. Ziggler managed to tag in himself, but Evan soon tagged Kofi back in for a double team. Another tag saw vean spun around to headscissor Dolph. However, Dolph downed Bourne and tagged in Swagger to take control and work over Bourne.
A Ziggler elbow drop scored a 2 count, but he missed a Stinger Splash. This allowed Kofi to tag in, but Kofi was low-bridged out as he came off the ropes to halt his momentum. Ziggler wore Kofi down with a chinlock, pulling Kingston down by the hair when he got up. Ziggler hit a nice dropkick for a 2 count. The topic of discussion while the heels work is HHH being a dick to the heels. You're not missing a ton. Just the usual heel wearing down segment.
Swagger with a back suplex for a 2 count. Ziggler tags in and stomps away on Kofi in the corner. Ziggler showboats before another leaping elbow drop, picking up a 2 count off of it. Have to admit, i was halfway to writing it missed when it connected. Swagger tagged in and tried to make a tag, but Swagger grabbed the ankle. Kofi got out and then hit a DDt on Swagger, putting them both down.
Evan DESPERATE for a tag, got it while Ziggler came in himself. Evan with kicks and knees to Ziggler, beofre knocking Swagger off the apron. Double knees off the top pick up a 2 count. Ziggler kicks out a leg, but the Fameasser was countered and a standing moonsauly picked up 2. Swagger put on an ankle lock, but Kofi hit a crossbody to Swagger, but took the ZigZag himself. Ziggler was rolled up for 2 by Evan, but Dolph hit a clothesline to put them both down.
Swagger tagged in and they set for a Powerbomb off the top. However, Evan turned it into a headscissors for the pin and as Kofi pulled Dolph out the ring, it picked up the win!
WINNERS & STILL CHAMPIONS: EVAN BOURNE & KOFI KINGSTON
After the match, Vickie chews out Swagger.
Inside Out video.
The cell comes down as we get a hype video for the Hall Of Pain. By the way, don't know when or why, but the word on the street is the door is coming off the cell, so people are getting in or out tonight.
Mark Henry vs. Randy Orton in a "Oh, how good this would be if there were blood..." Hell In A Cell match for the World Heavyweight Title
They give it the main event introductions as Henry has the belt inside the cell with him. As Henry egts his name announced he steps forward putting the belt in Orton's face. Nice "FU" move there.
Orton on the attack early, getting Henry to his knees and forcing Henry out of the ring. Henry blocks a ramming into the cell, but when Henry goes for a ramming, Orton slips out and Henry is sent into it twice. Back in the ring, Randy hits the Orton Stomp and big knee drop. Henry retreats to the apron, but Orton grabs him. The DDT is blocked early though with a headbutt. They fight over who gets pulled into the ringpost, but Henry wins and yanks Orton's left arm against it. However, Orton pulled Henry into the post, so it's a wash. Orton jumps off the apron, but gets caught and driven into the cell wall back-first. OIn the ring, Orton hits a couple of shots, but Henry scoops him up and hits a running powerslam. On the outside, they fight, but as I notice some obvious foot holes in the cell wall right by the door, Henry hits a slam on the floor.
No really, I don't recall those holes being cut into the cell we have today, post-HD.
Henry breaks up the ringsteps, before ramming Orton's head into the wall. He picks up the top half of the steps and launches them towards Orton, who is up against the wall. However, Orton dives out of the way and avoids them. Orton catches Henry with some kicks to the leg, but again, Henry picks him up with ease and lawn-darts him into the wall. Henry squashes Orton's face into the cell wall. He gets back in the ring to shake off the cobwebs, and catches Henry with some shots, but again, Henry cuts him off, blocking a whip andsquashing him in the corner. World's Strongest Splash picks up a 2 count. Henry hits a couple of backbreakers off the knee for 2. Henry elects for a bearhug.
Orton tried to get out, but takes a headbutt to the chest. Orton eventually fires up and gets out of it with shots, but Henry tosses him out of the ring. They go to the bottom half of the steps and Henry picks him up for the World's Strongest Slam, but Orton grabs the cell to block it. And then he hit a DDT onto the bottom steps. Henry then goes round the ring getting posted in a couple of corners before Orton rolls him back into the ring. The Thesz Press works and Orton unloads. Orton with the dropkick to put Henry back down again. The Elevated DDT is actually hit. And you should have seen how much the ropes bent down. Orton wants the RKO, and waits for Henry to get up. And he hits it! BUT HENRY KICKS OUT AT TWO!
Part of the point on Friday. He hit the RKO, but Henry was up quick. It wasn't a guaruntee of a win. The announcers beg him to hit it again for the win. Woke the crowd up anyway. Orton steps back for the Punt Kick, but Henry scoops him up and hit the World's Strongest Slam for the three count!
WINNER & STILL WORLD CHAMPION: MARK HENRY
After the match, Henry goes to leave, but decides to get the chair as promised. He pulls one out before hitting another World's Strongest Slam on Orton. He picked up the chair and with more haste than on Friday, set up Orton's foot in the chair. However, Orton has the where-with-all to spin round out of the way. He gets up and with the chair SMACKS Henry ijn the back. Henry goes to leave, but Orton gives chase, continuing to SMACK Henry with chair shots to the front and back. Orton goes for a killshot, but Henry goes low and RUNS away.
Josh Mathews was with Alberto Del Rio. Josh said Del Rio had been vocal about his lack of rematch for the title, and to make matters worse, this is in the Cell. Bert said that he shouldn't be in this match, calling it barbaric. But like an Animal when trapped, he gets more vicious, promising to show a side of him Cena & Punk didn't know existed.
Rey Mysterio spending his down time playing Light Strike with kids. Oh wait, it's an advert, but a catchup video...
Cody Rhodes comes out to the ring, but not to wrestle, unless he's changed his attire to a suit and dress shirt. Rhodes gets a mic and said he knew there were many of us watching at home wearing paper bags to conceal our hideous features. And there were people in New Orleans... The crowd got to him and said he wouldn't allow most of the fans on his street at Halloween. He said the current Intercontinental Title should be put to rest. He put the IC Title in a paper bag before pulling out a brand new belt. It was a revamped version of the classic IC Title belt, held by the likes of Ricky Steamboat, Bret Hart, Macho Man Randy Savage and Steve Austin. And in honour of those men, he would wear the classic title belt with the white leather, but he would wear it with more pride and dignity than any of them. Cody said he would defend it against anyone at any time in any place.
John Laurinaitis came out and interrupted him and said HHH told him to come out and announce Cody would defend the title tonight, and indeed there and then.
Cody Rhodes vs. John Morrison in a "HE'S A RAW GUY!" match for the IC Title
Cody is, indeed, going to work a match in a suiit. JR FINALLY says "The Grandson Of A Plumber". Cody tried to hide in the ropes before trying to get a cheapshot in. Morrison goes for a couple of quick pins but they don't get much.
Cody manages to power out the ring and get his dress shirt off, but Morrison hits a baseball slide before throwing the shirt into the crowd. Someone got lucky. Cody ducked back out to take the count out, but Morrison ran him down. Rhodes caught Morrison with a back elbow and grabbed hold of the ringpost for a count out, but was kicked in the back to break the grip.
Cody caught JoMo with a headbutt as he came back in, before giving Morrison with a Gordbuster, to take control. He took Morrison over and locked on an arm and chinlock. Cody changed up to a wacky variation of the crossface. Morrison got out, but Cody went for the Bob Holly moveset. The Alabama Slam was blocked, and turned into a pin for a 2 count. Rhodes locked on a Figure Four, and a good one, but Morrison managed to grab the ropes.
Cody hit a knee drop before taking time to pose. Morrison fired back with elbows in the corner. Morrison with a pair of clothesline and heel kick. The C4 picked up a 2 count. Morrison went for the mask, but while that failed, he decided to go for Starship Pain. Rhodes grabbed the leg to cut him off and then ducked the running knee. However, Morrison scored with the Pele Kick. The Flying Chuck missed and Cody rolled Morrison up for the three count.
WINNER & STILL IC CHAMPION: CODY RHODES
Well that ate up some spare PPV time.
A "Be A Star" video. They say Be A Star when "Star" stands for Show Tolerance And Respect". So it reads as "Be A Show Tolerance And Respect". That doesn't work...
HHH is in the back and is fed up with someone. Johnny Ace comes in and talks about him not making matches, but Ace manages to tell him about something that's going on. We run down the hall to see Miz & Truth have laid out Evan Bourne & Kofi Kingston. HHH chews Ace out about the lack of security that he told him to get.
Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix in a "Third times the charm?" match for the Divas Title
Beth comes out with her personal-Virgil, Natalya. Meanwhile Kelly comes out with Eve and Eve's boobies...
Kelly steps up to Beth, before hitting a pair of Thesz Presses, laying in shots in the meantime. Beth's corner charge is blocked and she hits a flying clothesline for a 2 count. The whirly-bird is countered into a backbreaker. Beth drops a pair of elbows to the ribs for a 2 count. Kelly gets hung in the Tree Of Woe and dropkicked. Beth locks on a Dragon Sleeper variant, slamming Kelly back down by the hair when she fought out of it. Beth punches Kelly in the ass. OK.
Beth stretches Kelly over her knee as JR gets introduced to "schuky ducky quack quack" from Booker. Slingshot suplex by Beth picks up a 2 count. Beth takes too much time conversing with Nattie that a powerbomb is turned into a roll up for 2 count. Beth re-takes control of the match, choking Kelly in the ropes, but a charge into them by Beth missed. Kelly hit a neckbreaker before going for a sunset flip. They reverse pins a coule of times. The bulldog of Kelly's is blocked, but Beth blocked. Kelly used the corner to flip out of the Glam Slam, but a corner charge missed.
Kelly hit a handspring back elbow into the corner before heading up top to hit a bulldog. However, Beth just manages to kick out at 2. Natalya gets on the apron. Eve does to deal with her, but Nattie sends her into the guardrail. The K2 is blocked Kelly is dropped into the ropes. Beth then locks on the submission hold Natalya has been busting out. Nattie taunts Kelly over the mic. Kelly made the ropes, but as the ref pulled her back, Natalya clunked Kelly with the microphone, leaving Kelly easy prey for the Glam Slam for the win.
WINNER & NEW DIVAS CHAMPION: BETH PHOENIX
Even Cole somewhat called bullshit on that, despite still being on Beth's side.
Vengeance PPV advert. Or a Mark Henry promo. Whichever suits you. It's him taking everyone out and him talking, but it's all about Vengance. Thing is, Henry says "Vengeance is mine!". Vengeance against whom? Surely it's everyone looking for Vengeance on him?
The Cell descends for the second time tonight ahead of a hype video for our main event.
John Cena vs. CM Punk vs. Alberto Del Rio in a "By years end, what will be passed round more? Jeff Hardy In Jail or The Title Between These Three?" Hell In A Cell match for the WWE Heavyweight Title
Del Rio is out first so Ricardo Rodriguez can introduce him. I was hoping that they do the main event introductions and and Ricardo was held until then... He's followed by Punk and then Cena without incident. New Orleans is not Cena's friend anyway...
At the bell, Punk goes right for Del Rio, who ducks out of the ring. Cena awaits in the ring, so Del Rio ducks out from him too. Cena gets out of the ring, but Del Rio ducks back in. Punk flinches first, and Del Rio catches him. Cena jumps in and Cena & Punk take turns wailing on Del Rio until Punk elects to roll up Cena for a 2 count. Del Rio leaves Cena & Punk to it, and they tease finishers early. AA into GTS into STF. Punk sends Cena out and then sidesteps Del Rio's charge, sending him out. Cena had ADR up for the AA, but Punk hit a suicide dive onto the pair of them. Punk brought Alberto into the ring and hit a neckbreaker for a 2 count. Loud difference of opinion on Cena in the crowd as he's doing bugger all. Punk slips out under the ring to pull out a chair. Cena takes the chance to throw shots on Punk. Punk is whipped the steps. but he jumps on top of them, only to be shoved off into the cell wall by Del Rio. Back in the ring, they race for the chair, but it gets sent out of the ring. Del Rio downs Cena and grabs himself his own chair. Del Rio sets up the chair in the corner, but Cena fires back, hitting the shoulderblock and Protobomb. Five Knuckle Shuffle hits, but the Attitude Adjustment is countered. Del Rio wanted the cross Armbreaker, but Punk came back in. The then hit a combo neckbreaker on Cena and DDT on Del Rio. Punk is scratched from his meeting with the cell.
Punk goes out and gets a table, setting it up at ringside. With Cena on the apron, Punk hit the high knee, but the bulldog was shoved off into the call wall. Meanwhile however, Alberto jabbed Cena in the gut with his chair. ADR opened the chair out and back suplexed Cena onto it, completely crushing it.
Del Rio mocked Cena in the corner before putting him up top, before clubbing him into a Tree Of Woe position. He drove his boot into Cena's chin, but missed a low charge as Cena pulled himself up. Cena turned himself round about to go for the leg drop, but Punk cut him off and crotching him. Punk with a side suplex for 2, getting the same count on a Michinoku Driver. Del Rio hit a clothesline as Punk ran in for a 2 count. Del Rio locked on a chinlock. Cena pulled himself back up and up top, hitting the leg drop to both men, pinning each of them for 2 counts-a-piece.
Cena wanted the AA on Del Rio, but Alberto hit the Backcracker. Punk kicked Del Rio out of the ring before Punk and Cena downed each other. Rodriguez was trying to fan Del Rio from outside the cell as Punk & Cena began to slug it out. Punk wanted the GTS, but Del Rio came back with a chair, hitting both men with shots. He put the chair on Del Rio and put Punk on the chair. He then hit (just) a senton off the top for a 2 count on each man.
Del Rio looked for the Cross Armbreaker on Punk, but Punk got out and then elevated Alberto out, with the Mexican hitting the stairs. Cena hit a sudden AA, but Del Rio managed to break the pin. Enziguri in the corner to Cena. That picked up a deuce. Cena blocked the Armbreaker, keeping his hands clasped as Punk hit a slingshot senton on Del Rio. Punk hit the Go To Sleep, but Del Rio pulled Punk out. Alberto sent Punk into the cell wall and then the steel steps. With Punk's leg on the steps, he gave the knee a chairshot. However, back in the ring, Cena cradled ADR for 2. However, Del Rio hit a clothesline and then a low dropkick to send Cena out himself. Cena met the ringsteps and then the cell wall, before Del Rio got a chair, giving the legs of Cena a chair shot.
In the ring, Punk started firing back on Del Rio. Clotheslines were followed by a scoop slam. Punk went up top and the Macho Man Flying Elbow scored for 2. Cena came in and he was on fire. The ProtoBomb for Punk, but Punk kicked Cena in the head as he set for the Shuffle. Punk went up top again, but Del Rio shoved him off the top and through the ringside table. Cena caught Del Rio by the leg and locked on the STF. However, Ricardo Rodriguez knocked out the referee and grabbed the key, opening the cell. He had a pipe with him, but dropped it for Del Rio. Ricardo took the AA, but Del Rio knocked Cena out of the cell with the Pipe. Del Rio then locked the cell again, and padlocked it shut, leaving him with the weakened Punk. German suplex with pin by Del Rio only picked up a 2 count.
He wanted another, but Punk switched and rolled Del Rio up for 2. Punk got up top, but took the enziguri for a close 2 count. Cena was only now recovering on the outside, still unaware that he was locked out. Cross Armbreaker was pushed off before Punk hit a series of kicks, before hitting a leg lariat.
Cena now realised he was locked out. High knee and bulldog by Punk. Cena was looking for the key, unaware Del Rio had it. Cena then elected to and force the door open, but couldn't. Cena could only watch as Del Rio got the pipe and hit Punk in the head with it. He went for another shot, but Punk picked him up for the GTS. However, Del Rio hit a shot to get out and then a shot to the head for the three count.
WINNER & NEW WWE CHAMPION: ALBERTO DEL RIO
Cena ducked in the ring as the cell went up, but as he did, two figure, who turned out to be Miz & R-truth got in too. The cell then lowered before HHH, Johnny Ace of the entire locker room could get in. Miz & Truth assaulted EVERYONE in the cell, including referees who made it in and cameramen.
Police and security showed up but couldn't get in either until some boltcutters were produced. Miz & Truth immediately surrendered to the cops who went in the ring.
As they're led away, HHH FLIES in with shots to both men, losing his shit completely. He sent Johnny Ace FLYING before being pulled off by a couple of burly bald fellows. Miz & Truth were led to the back as the show ended. Really good angle to end the show.
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