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Hello everyone! Summertime and the living is easy. Well, it is if you ain't me. I've had a full and relatively crappy day. PPV time though, and the apparent biggest match in WWE history as there are 2 WWE Champions and only one can exist. Try telling that to the World Champion. They're going No Holds Barred to see if we can end this feud once and for all (Spoiler alert: They won't). That and a grand total of three other matches and one musical performance (Remember Cee-Lo Green is perfoming "Bright Light Bigger City" tonight!) currently make up tonight's festivities. And then after less than 4 hours sleep, I need to head to work.
And then LATER TONIGHT (since I'm working by proper UK time) I'll be back with more live wrestling coverage, only this time, and for the first time, from Edinburgh with THE WRESTLING. Featuring PAC, TNA's Mark Haskins and scores of brilliant comedians, this will be the first ever wrestling event to take place at The Fringe.
Anyway, check back at the top of the hour for Jeremy Piven (and thus hack smartasses) would call Summerfest.
Playing the National Anthem, Adam Jones from Tool. Not exactly Queen's Brian May playing on top of Buckingham Palace, but I can dig. At least it's not some bland songtress elongating every syllable.
Have to say, I'm shocked it wasn't just friggin' Downstait that played. They do every other damn song in the company...
Our opening video looks at Los Angeles first and foremost, putting the show over as the biggest event of the Summer before focusing on the main matches with the theme of "the domino effect".
OK, when I said "main matches", I entirely should have written "Punk vs. Cena". Orton & Christian ain't getting no love.
The pyro & ballyhoo goes off and you can clearly see Miz's "AWESOME" inflatable is set up on stage, so he's in some sort of match to open...
Cole almost literally cums in excitement.
Joey Numbers sign in the crowd. Tazz left a while ago dude...
Sounds like Cole, Lawler and Booker are on the mic tonight. Damn.
Miz has a microphone with him. The Miz has returned to Summerslam! He thanked everyone on their insistence that he competed tonight, so everyone could sit back and relax while he stole the show.
R-Truth interrupted him to ask why he was thanking the fans. Spiders and Summerslam start with S, so he didn't like either. Cee Lo is on, and conspiracy starts with C as well.
He's interrupted by Alberto Del Rio. All the announcers are somewhat thankful. Ricardo Rodriguez does his introduction from the stage before following Del Rio down to ringside. Promo? Alberto don't need no stinkin' promo. Here come the babyfaces.
The Miz, R-Truth & Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston, John Morrison & Rey Mysterio in a "How could I have something funny for this match when I didn't even know it was happening?" match
Kofi & Miz start with Kofi getting the upperhand, allowing some double-teaming with Morrison.Miz telegrpahs a backdrop and tags in Truth. So Morrison went right for him laying in shots. Morrison almost slips on the Flying Chuck but manages to hit it.
Truth takes control of the match, and the heels combine to shove Morrison off the top rope to the floor. Miz tags in to continue Truth's work, but takes a Pele kick, where he manages to then tag in Kofi.
He's the house of fire, but Miz blocks the SOS. Kofi with a double jump twisting crossbody. The Superman shot connects and sets up the Boom Drop. He wants Trouble In Paradise, but Miz ducks it. The Skull crushing Finale is countered with the SOS for a 2 count when ADR breaks. The match breaks down as Miz debuts some sort of new neckbreaker but it only picks up 2.
Truth tags in. Gordbuster gets a 2 count before Del Rio tags in. A back suplex picks up 2 as Alberto mocks Kofi. Kofi kicked him off looking for a tag, but Miz tagged in and cut him off. Suplex gets 2. Miz got rolled up for 2, but retook control with a clothesline for 2 before locking on a chinlock.
Kofi fought out and hit a double stomp. Rey and Truth tag in. Crossbody gets Rey a 2 count. rey rolls through a sunset flip and hits a dropkick for 2. Headscissors into 619 position. Miz then joins him, but Del Rio trips him up. Morrison takes out Del Rio while Kofi took out the 619 escapee Miz. Truth did take the move though and then a splash off the top for the win.
WINNERS: REY MYSTERIO, JOHN MORRISON & KOFI KINGSTON
That was a fun opener...
In the back, CM Punk is being chewed out by John Lauranitis. What happened to him not talking? He wanted an apology for the kick to the head on RAW. Punk almost giggled before giving an entirely unsincere apology. before making faces. Somehow, Johnny Laryngitis accepted it.
And in walked Stephanie McMahon. Looking SMOKING hot. And she wished Punk luck for later tonight. That said, the McMahons wanted to wish both men luck. They banter back and forth based on Punk's comments about her before Punk leaves insinuating he wouldn't shake it before it's been around HHH's wang.
They send it to a video of Mark henry's destruction to set up out next match.
Mark Henry vs. Sheamus in a "This match is going to play havooc with my TV's contrast" match
they go back and forth early, but Sheamus manages to get Henry to a knee before laying in numerous blows to the back. However, The Irish Curse is easily blocked and Sheamus got tossed out. Henry went out and press slammed Sheamus right back in.
Henry took control of the match, running Sheamus down before hitting a big splash for a 2 count. Henry slid through the ropes crushing Sheamus who was up against them. Sheamus tried fighting back, but took a backbreaker. Henry with an over-the-shoulder back submission. But Sheamus broke the grip.
However, Sheamus was whipped into the corner. But when Henry went for the Vader Bomb, Sheamus rolled under it, drawing a standing 10 count. Sheamus with a bunch of Polish Hammers, finally getting Henry down on a flying fourth one. Knee drops to Henry's head.
Sheamus with the clubs to the chest in the ropes, setting up for a kneelift. Sheamus came off the ropes, but the pair seemed to collide head-first. Sheamus recovered first and blocked a corner charge. Sheamus headed up and hit the shoulderblock off the top for a 2 count.
Sheamus wanted the Brogue Kick, but Henry put him down. Henry scooped Sheamus up, but Sheamus slipped out and Brogue Kicked Henry out of the ring. Sheamus got out the ring, but had trouble picking Henry up. However Henry scoops Sheamus up and put him into the ringpost and then THROUGH THE GUARDRAIL.
Mark Henry got back into the ring as the referee counted the ten. Sheamus tried to crawl back in, but couldn't manage it in time.
WINNER BY COUNTOUT: MARK HENRY
That was pretty good as well for the styles of the men involved.
Josh mathews was in the back with Christian. He wanted to know what Christian meant at the end of Smackdown. Christian said he had an insurance policy and Orton wasn't leaving with the title. He likened their match to a summer blockbuster, before comparing himself to Harry Potter (he's magic) before saying Orton was like Cowboys vs. Aliens (Over-produced and over-hyped)
Commercial break for a film called Killer Elite. A Rated-R film's movie trailer on a PG show.
Cee-Lo Green performs Bright Lights Bigger City. I'm VERY disappointed in his choice of attire. It's essentially a black sequined moomoo.
Actually, he segues into "Fuck You" (giving it the "Forget You") obivously, with the spare divas as backing dancers.
More adverts, first one is for Slim Jim and then the second has Miz shouting at 7-11 cups.
Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix in a "Well, after the backing dancers, these are just about the last Divas left..." match for the Divas Title
Kelly has Eve with her. And Eve's boobies tonight...Holy Christ...
Beth has, as suggested on Coly Cabana's podcast, new attire. It's a Roller Derby-skirted onesie.
Kelly goes right for Beth early, and gets a tilt-a-whirl headscsissors, sending Beth to the apron before she was dropkicked down. Kelly then came off the middle rope outside the ring down onto Beth. Back in the ring, Beth managed to take control with a clothesline after Kelly flipped out of a backslide.
Beth press slammed Kelly onto the top rope, picking up a 2 count. Hairmade sends Kelly into the corner, where Beth hits the running ass splash, before mocking Kelly's stinkface. After wearing Kelly down with a over-the-shoulder back submission for the second time tonight, Kelly fought out and hit a neckbreaker.
Beth stayed in control however, driving Kelly into the Tree Of Woe. Kelly dodged a charge and rolled Kelly up for a 2 count. However, she ran into a side slam by Beth. Beth pulled Kelly to the ropes for some choking. Beth missed a boot and had her head snapped off the top.
Kelly snapped and rammed Beth's head into the canvas before stomping on it. She went for the handspring back elbow, but Beth caught her and looked for the Glam Slam. However, Kelly aweseomely rolled through and picked up the upset three count!
WINNER & STILL CHAMPION: KELLY KELLY
Kelly's best match ever. I enjoyed it.
We see Stephanie McMahon mysteriously come out of John Cena's dressing room. We cut to R-Truth who is complaining to Jimmy Hart about the conspiracy. Jimmy said Truth needed someone to take him to the top before putting himself over. Truth liked what he heard. You gotta think big. And not little, Jimmy. Get it. Jimmy is little...Little Jimmy. Truth chased him off before he asked someone what he was looking at. It was Ron Artest.
Twix advert. Seriously now...
Wade Barrett vs. Daniel Bryan in a "I really should have done these lines before the show..." match
Wade came out in the one of those "British gangster" overcoats he wore early on NXT before we saw clips of Bryan winning Money In The Bank.
Cole points out how last year, these two were in the main event last year. Booker clearly had no idea. Lawler tried to save Booker's ignorance by telling Cole to have a point.
Back and forth early on. Bryan stretched the hell out of Barrett's shoulders to pick up a 2 count. Wade bounced off the ropes but was only met with a dropkick for a 2 count. Bryan gave Wade a leg whip before hitting a dropkick in the corner. D-Bryan hooked Barrett up in a surfboard, but when Wade wouldn't go up, Bryan stomped on the back of the legs.
Bryan flipped out of the corner, but he ran into a lovely Bossman Slam for a 2 count. Wade took control of things. Hitting a nice slingshot back suplex into a backbreaker off the ropes. Chinlock was put on, but Bryan elbowed out of it. Bryan hit a flying clothesline. However, Wade himself hit a flying forearm for a 2 count.
Wade set Bryan up in the ropes before he was booted through the to the outside. Chinlock again, and again Bryan elbowed out. Bryan was tossed to the apron, where he low-bridged Wade on a big boot. They fought on the apron, where Wade teased a Wasteland off the apron. However, Bryan saved himself and sent Wade into the guardrail.
Bryan came off the apron with the flying knee to the face. Back in the ring, Bryan went up top and nailed the missile dropkick. Wade hit Bryan with a back kick and set for the Pumphandle Slam. Bryan slipped out however and hit some kicks to the leg.
With Wade on his knees, Bryan hit a ton more kicks, including the buzzsaw kick to the head, but it only scored a 2 count. Bryan missed a corner charge and took a big boot. Barrett wanted Wasteland, but DanBry elbowed out and locked on the Guillotine choke, before changing up to the LeBell Lock. However, Wade managed to make it to the bottom rope.
Bryan put Wade up top, but barrett crotched him, hit a clothesline and then hit Wasteland, and that was all she wrote. Good thing the case wasn't on the line, huh?
WINNER: WADE BARRETT
The announcers set up out first main title match of the night. And as if Cena & Punk weren't main eventing...
Christian vs. Randy Orton in a "Why do I want to say "Remember...I predict Brodus Clay..." No Holds Barred match for the World Title
Christian came out first and said he couldn't wait for this moment. COULD NOT WAIT. He had an announcement that was going to change everything. Unlike Orton, Teddy long and HHH, he was a man of integrity, so without further ado, here was his insurance policy...
Have to say, this one has spun me. No-one wants to boo Edge, but he's now a de facto heel if he's with Christian. And it will only suggest Edge is coming back.
Edge took the mic and said as everyone knows he was told he would never be cleared to physically compete again, but when he left he was happy. He felt like he had passed the torch to Christian. Christian kicked in the door and no-one deserved the title more than him. It was unfair Teddy made him defend the title 5 days after winning.
But then Christian complained about it the week after. And the week after that. Ad infinitum. Rematch after rematch. But you got it. Two-time World Champion. But by DQ?!?!?! At least when Edge cheated, he did it with style. He wasn't boring with it hiding behind lawyers. Christian became a disgrace to himself. He was better than that.
Edge said he needed to hear it from Christian. He didn't know his best friend would become a whining, crying moaning little bitch. With that, Edge left as Christian pitched a fit. OK, that was perfect.
After Orton makes his way out, we get our first main event introductions of the night.
They throwing fists early. However, Christian pokes Orotn in the eyes and hits the flying elbow for a 1 count. Orton with a big backdrop leading to the Orton Stomp and knee drop.
Orton looked for an early elevated DDT, but Christian backdropped him to the floor. However, as Christian went for him, Randy sent him into the dasher boards. orton took the top off the English announce table, but Christian pushed off and ran away with the title belt through the crowd.
Orton gave chase and punched Christian back to the ring area and then back into the ring. He mounted Christian in the corner and PUMMELLED THE HELL out of Christian. However, as he charged in, Christian side-stepped him and Orton went shoulder-first into the corner.
Orton was rolled back in the ring as Christian went under the ring and grabbed a kendo stick. He jabbed it into Orton's gut before smacking him on the back. He then pushed it into Orton's throat before picking up a 2 count. Christian missed another shot, but Orotn came off the ropes and ran into a back elbow for a 2 count.
Orton with the neat roll up out of the corner picked up a 2 count. However, Randy was whipped off the ropes into a spinebuster for a 2 count. Christian left the ring again as we saw Orton had a busted lip. Christian came back with his stick, coming off the middle rope. However, Christian was met with a dropkick.
Orton felt his bloody lip before building momentum with clotheslines. Orton's stick shot was blocked, but Christian's jump out of the corner was countered with a jacknife pin for 2. The Eleevated DDT was coutnered into a Killswitch attempt, but that was countered into Orton's signature backbreaker for a 2 count.
Orton reared back for the punt as Christian was getting up. However, Christian snuck into the ring. While Christian grabbed the leg of Orton, Orton pulled back, sending Christian into the ringpost.
Orton pulled back the ring apron and pulled out a pair of tables. One was left outside and one was put in the ring. As Orton went ot get it, he was driven into the side of the ring. Christian set up the table on the floor. They made their way up in the corner, and came down with an Orton superplex onto the unopened table in the ring.
Orton tried to open the table to find it was bust, so he propped it up in the corner. he went to run Christian through the table, but Christian blocked with a reverse DDT. Christian wanted the spear, but Orton leapfrogged it. They went back outside, and Christian was sent, knees-first, up and over the steel steps.
Orton broke the steps up and lent the bottom half on the side of the ring. However, Christian reversed and put Orton's head into the steps. Christian dragged Orton around by the arm to the Spanish announce desk, clearing it properly. Let's se eif it breaks this month...
Orotn took a monitor shot to the head. Orton was laid on the desk as Christian got up and joined him. Christian revelled in picking Orton up. Christian tried the RKO, but Randy countered and hit one of his own. And this time, the table blew apart!
However, this isn't Falls Count Anywhere. Indeed, it was Christian who made it to the ring first, although they got in at the same time. A RKO was countered with a shock Killswitch. However, it only picked up a close 2 count. Christian couldn't believe it. He got back out the ring for more weaponry. He grabbed a pair of chairs for a ConChairTo one would assume.
And indeed, Christian set Orton up for the kill shot. He spat in Orton's face, but Orton avoided the chairshot. And because of the goober, Orton was PISSED. Chair shot to he back and then one off the apron sending Christian through the ringside table. He took the bottom steps and slid them in the ring before grabbing a couple of trashcans throwing in literally everyhting he could grab.
Christian found the steps, but Orotn missed a stomp to the head. However, Randy scored with snap powerslam through the table in the corner. Orton grabbed the kendo stick, breaking the thing on the first show. Orton then set up a garbage can hitting the elevated DDT onto it.
Orton went down for the RKO as Christian slowly got up on the other side of the steps. While Christian hit a kendo shot by surprise, he cmae off the ropes into a mid-air RKO onto the steel steps for the three count!
WINNER & NEW WORLD CHAMPION: RANDY ORTON
And yet another great match in an endless list of them Orton, whose thumb was somehow bloody, put his thumb up to cheekily celebrate. This was a great match. First one the crowd has really gotten into tonight.
Cole sends it to a video looking at Summerslam Axxess that's been going on all week.
We saw HHH and Stephanie backstage talking. That may not have been the cosiest of conversations. They sent it to the NFL Films-style video from Smackdown to hype the main event.
CM Punk vs. John Cena in a "So yeah, let's see if they can do it two months in a row..." match for the WWE Title with HHH as special guest referee
Feeling out process early on, as both guys work holds while the crowd try their best to one-up Chicago for reactions. The first real strike of the match saw Punk hit a back heel kick for a 2 count before he locked on a chinlock with a bodyscissors.
Cena with a gutwrench slam for a 2 count. Fisherman's suplex picked up another 2 count. Punk took control, hitting knees to the gut before picking up a 2 count. Punk hit a pair of falling headbutts to the ribs before putting on a bodyscissors. Cena managed to get out of it and try the STF, although Punk kicked him off. At the apron, they teased suplexes both in and out the ring, but Cena gor hit neck snapped off the top and dropkicked down to the floor.
Punk had Cena tied up, but Cena powered up and spun Punk round wiht a Bossman Slam-like, well, slam. Cena looked to build momentum, but was met with a HHH-like high knee. That picked up a 2 count.
Cena again looked to start a comeback, but again, Punk cut him off. However, the bulldog off the high knee was blocked with the ProtoBomb. They went back and forth on signature moves before Punk turned the STF into a Koji clutch. This led back into the STF which led into the Anaconda Vice. Cena then got out of that and turned it into aa Crossface. However, Punk reached the ropes to break the sequence.
Cena was dumped out, where Punk hit him with a suicide dive. HHH started a count and got to nine, but then said "Screw this" and rolled both men back in the ring so the match wouldn't end.
We did a "YAY/BOO" that Cena won. The AA was blocked, but Cena hit a nice dropkick. He hit the Five Knuckle Shuffle and looked for the AA again, but Punk slid through, leading through to a pin, but Cena powered out of that. However, Punk kicked him in the head for a 2 count.
Punk wanted the GTS, but it was blocked. Cena with a Stinger Splash and powerslam for a 2 count. Cena went up top but Punk cut him off with the high knee. He then came off the second rope with a bulldog for a 2 count. Punk slowly recovered and headed to the apron for the slingshot, but Cena side-stepped it and locked on the STF. Punk managed to reach the ropes however, after a struggle.
Cena wanted the AA, but Punk looked for the GTS. Cena slipped out and hit the Attitude Adjustment, but only picked up a long 2 count. And it was a fair count by HHH. Cena had a few words of questioning for Hunter before going up. He missed the leg drop off the top, and Punk hit the GTS, but it was Cena's turn to kick out millimetres before the three count.
Punk dragged Cena towards the corner and headed up top. Punk hit the Randy Savage flying elbow, but Cena managed to kick out at 2. this drew a "Randy Savage" chant. Punk had some words for HHH and got caught with a cradle for a 2 count.
The pair started firing bombs.but Punk surprised Cena with a GTS. Cena got his foot on the ropes, but with HHH out of position to see it, he counted the three count!
WINNER & UNDISPUTED WWE CHAMPION: CM PUNK
Great main event. Cena had words with HHH as Punk celebrated. However, no shenanigans went on as Cena when left the ring as Punk sat on the announce desk.
Punk got in the ring, but while they had words, HHH offered his hand. Punk didn't take it, but HHH did his job and raised Punk's hand in victory.
Nash suddenly appeared in the ring and laid out Punk with the Jacknife Powerbomb before leaving through the crowd. HHH wondered what the hell was going on.
ALBERTO DEL RIO!!!!!
ADR came aprinting out with a referee, cashed in his briefcase, hit the enziguri and won!
WINNER & NEW WWE CHAMPION: ALBERTO DEL RIO
HHH is all "WTF?!?!?" trying to make sense of it all, as Del Rio took off up the ramp with his title and the show ended.
in the ring, i think this was on a par with last month's show. I really do. Very fun opener. Henry over achieved again. The women had probably the best match any women will have in WWE or TNA this year, certainly to this point. Wade & DanBry was great. And the two main events rocked. but the lack of crowd interest other than the two main events hurt it, so overall a notch or two below last month.
But still, a very good, and now very newsworthy, show.
REMEMBER TO CHECK BACK TOMORROW FOR "THE WRESTLING" LIVE FROM EDINBURGH SCOTLAND FROM 23:00 GMT/18:00 EST!!!