Hello My Gathering.  I really don't have much to say right now, but keep checking back for your real time updates as the PPV goes live at the top of the hour!

So here we go!

We have an Emergency warning to start, telling us to buckle in for a thrill ride.  At Mania, some people shined.  Some, like me tonight, were Epic Failures.  We focus on those matches that are Wrestlemania rematches, as well as Swagger vs. Orton.

We're in Baltimore, and we get Cole & Lawler right away.  I'm guessing Striker had nothing to add.

Triple H vs. Sheamus in a "I'm almost amazed Sheamus could bear to leave Ireland..." Street Fight
Who's have thunk that Hunter was curtain jerking???

Oh well, hang on.  No HHH!  We go backstage and Sheamus got things going early!  He's beating on HHH backstage.  Refs try to seperate them, but HHH dumps Sheamus on a table.  Some refs manage to pull HHH off, but this allows Sheamus to hit HHH with a pipe, giving him a follow-up shot to the back of the head and neck.  Smackdown's Teddy Long is in attendance, since he's de facto in charge.  Cole doesn't know what to make of it as we get a mis-step.

But hey, why not have ShoMiz as a stand-in?

As they come out, Cole says he'll get updates on HHH as we can.  The Miz, with his SWANKY~! jacket, takes the mic and says the show didn't start like it was thought, so let's have some actual excitement.  The most exciting, captivating and entertaining team in WWE History, ShoMiz!  But don't get Miz's word for it, take Bret Hart's.  You see, if you recall, the deal was that if Miz beat DH Smith, Bret had to announce ShoMiz were the best in WWE History.  Say with him.  ShoMiz is the Greatest Tag Team in WWE History.  And tomorrow night, Bret would have to announce that.  Miz said that tonight though, they had no competition.  He was BEGGING for some.  He put over Big Show, only for Teddy Long to come out.  Getting about tonight is Peanuthead.  Long said he had his hands full with the HHH situation, and didn't need them.  But since they were out there, and wanting a match, here's a match.  And if they win, they get a Title shot in the future.  Miz said if he wanted incompetence, he'd go to an Orioles game.  There was no team in their league.  So head back to your office and screw up tomorrow's draft.  Long came back that he's added another team to the mix.  Miz just wouldn't shut the hell up, Long added yet another team to the mix.  Miz goaded him into making it four, but Big Show put his hand over Miz's mouth to stop with the team adding.  Long said if they beat all the eams, maybe they deserve the greatest ever name.  But if not, the team that wins gets the title shot tomorrow on RAW.

ShoMiz vs. John Morrison & R-Truth in Gauntlet Match 1
Truth & Wisdom come out, and suddenly, we have another Mania rematch.  Miz & Morrison start things off, and gets a quick rollup for a quick 2.  Miz takes control with a kick to the gut though and whips Morrsion off the ropes.  He ducks under a swing and hits an armdrag before tagging in Truth.  Double hiptoss and kipup.  And then a combo leg drop and standing SSP for a 2 count.  Miz stopped himself coming off the ropes and made the tag to Show, who ran Truth over.  Big chop in the ropes before Miz comes in again with a running boot to the face for a 2 count.  Chinlock with a knee in Truth's back.  Truth fought out, and hit a jumping heel kick.  Both men down, and Morrison and Show took tags.  Morrison was tossed into the corner, but Show's charge was blocked.  Show grabbed Morrison but Morrison put on a choke.  However, because it was in the ropes, and Morrison held onto it for the 5 count, they were DQ'ed!

WINNERS:  SHOMIZ

ShoMiz vs. Mark Henry & MVP in Gauntlet match 2
Show was pinned for 2 by MVP, but he managed to tag in Miz.  MVP hit a suplex for a quick 2.  Henry tagged in and held onto Miz, who was trying to get away.  Miz avoided a Henry corner charge.  MVP tagged back in, and again, no-one was there for Miz to tag, so MVP got the upperhand.  Facebuster off the knee led to the BALLIN~! elbow.  However, Big Show came back, broke up the pin and downed Henry.  Show was low bridged out, and MVP hit the Playmaker.  However, As he made the pin, Big Show hit the KO Punch and Miz made the pin for the three!

WINNERS:  SHOMIZ

ShoMiz vs. The Hart Dynasty in Gauntlet match 3
DH Smith booted Big Show off the apron and the Dynasty hit the Hart Attack for the win!

WINNERS & NO.1 CONTENDERS: THE HART DYNASTY

Cole sent it to The Legend That Is Todd Grisham, who said there was no determination yet if HHH was able to go, when Sheamus walked into shot.  He said if HHH was a coward, he should say so.  Sheamus said he'd go to the ring and either win by forfeit, or beat on HHH some more.

We saw a bunch of haircutting stuff and the barber's chair, in preperation for the hair match.

Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk in a "What exactly happened to the idea of putting Rey in the SES?" match where if Punk loses, his head gets shaved
Punk came out first, along with Serena and Gallows, which led to Lawler intimating that his nutsack was shaved.  No really.  Just in not those exact words.  No botched Mania lift for Rey tonight.  He just came out and motioned that he would be doing some shaving in around 10 minutes time.

The bell rang, and Rey continued to motion he'd have some shaving to do, but this just got Punk angry and he took control, stomping Rey in the head while down in the corner.  Rey whipped Punk off the ropes and hit a dropkick, but Punk came back and tossed Rey out of the ring.  He landed on his feet though, and hit a headscissors on Punk on the outside.  Back in the ring, he set for the 619, but Punk was up quick and looked for the GTS.  Rey fought out of that, but was caught with a snap powerslam for a 2 count.  Punk tried to sliding Rey out of the ring trick again, and this time, Rey crashed out.  Serena gave Rey Rey a cheeky kick to the ribs, while Punk had the ref.  He made Rey look at the chair, before rolling Mysterio back in.  Tope back in squished Rey for 2.  Punk locked on a figure four headlock on the match.  Rey punched at the knee to break it up, before launching in with leg kicks.  Rey rolled through a sunset flip and hit a kick to the head for a 2 count.  Punk clubbed at Rey in the ropes, before Luke gave him an uppercut behind the ref's back.

Punk hit the Double Underhook Backbreaker for a 2 count, before Punk locked on a Mexican Surfboard, making sure to keep his shoulders off the mat, but Rey flipped out into a pin for 2.  Punk came back with a pair of leg drops, but couldn't get the win.  Punk locked on a Gory Special.  That's a couple of Guerrero spots Punk has done tonight.  Rey got out of it, but Rey shifted his weight on a powerbomb, and landed on Punk for a 2 count.  Rey floated over a Punk corner chagre and headscissored Punk into the corner.  Rey went up, but Punk crotched him as he went for a moonsault.  The GTS was countered into an armdrag, setting for the 619.  Serena caused a distraction, leading to Serena & Luke getting ejected!  Punk was apopletic at this, and Rey caught him with a baseball slide and Asai Moonsault on the outside.

Back in the ring, Rey dropped the dime, but only picked up a 2 count.  Rey telegraphed a backdrop and was kicked in the chest for a 2 count.  Mysterio went out to the apron again, and hit a seated senton, but then came off the ropes into a dropkick for Punk 2 count.  Punk crawled out to the apron himself, hitting the springboard clothesline, but it only picked up 2.  Rey was whipped into the corner, but he floated over the charge, but was caught in GTS postion.  He rolled through into a pin for a close 2 for Rey!  Punk hit a high head kick for 2 count of his own.  Punk was up first and he set in the corner, looking for the high knee, but Rey countered and headscissored him into 619 position, hitting it this time.  However, someone under the ring, slid a chair in.  They then distracted Rey and hit an Alley Oop before rolling back in.  My guess would be the rumoured re-debut of Joey Mercury.  They were bandanaed though.  And he had a bald head.  Punk rolled Rey back in the ring and picked him up.  He looked for the GTS, and Rey was easy pickings.  Three count Punk.

WINNER:  CM PUNK

Punk celebrated on the ramp, sitting in the barber's chair, with his mystery helper not revealing himself yet.

WWE Draft tomorrow.

Lawler thanks the troops, since some are in the house.

JTG vs. Shad Gaspard in a "I'm as surprised it's on PPV as you are..." Strap match
This is bullrope match rules, as you have to touch the turnbuckles in succession.  Shad has new, fairly generic, music, and is now wearing trunks.  You'd think he was Ezekiel Jackson after a shave.  JTG comes out happy, but it soon becomes about business.  JTG wants tied up, but Shad gets bound first.  At the bell, Shad pulls in the slack, but after JTG swings a leg and misses, he crotches with the strap.  Shad made three corners quickly, but JTG comes back with strap shots.  JTG looks to win himself, but doesn't make it to 2.  JTG is sent over to the apron, and knocked off.  Shad, somewhat stupidly, goes for corners, but JTG is still on the outside, and he pulls back from the outside to stop him.  It's a tug of war that Shad seems to win, but JTG hangs Shad off the top rope.  JTG hits a leg lariat off the second rope.  JTG makes 3 corners, but takes a faceplant for his troubles.  Shad goes out and pulls JTG's shoulder into the ringpost, before whipping the shoulder.

Back in the ring, Shad wrapped the strap round and pulled on it, choking JTG with JTG's own arm, effectively.  Shad goes round the corners, but JTG touches the corner as Shad does it, putting them at 3-3, only for JTG to surprise Shad with the Shout Out and then the final corner!

WINNER:  JTG

Have to admit, I'm surprised at that result...

KFC Double Down advert.  Mommy, I want it...

Grisham says that HHH has nerve issues in his arm and doubtful HHH will be able to wrestle later.  So that'll be HHH wrestling later then...

The trio of announcers send it to a hype video for the next match.

Jack Swagger vs. Randy Orton in a "Smackdown Champion.  RAW Challenger.  ECW's Rules." Extreme Rules match for the World Heavyweight Title
Swagger, oddly enough, comes out first, as Cole notes Jack's "mixed results" since becoming champion.  Orton gets a nice reaction on coming out.  Indeed, we see one of those signs in the crowd that means a person gets a letter each, and they also have one for Cena.  Can't say there are too many people who love both Orton & Cena...  Main event introductions here.  Swagger takes a leg and spins round into a pin for a 1 count.  Swagger takes a leg again and whips Orton down before locking on a waistlock, rolling Randy around.  Swagger ducks an elbow and drives Orton into the corner.  He mounts Orton, but Randy slips out and elbows Swagger down.  Orton scores with his backbreaker for a 2 count.  Swagger rolled outside and got himself a chair.  Orton kicked the chair out of Swagger's hands and stalked him around ringside. Swagger rolled back in, but Orotn avoided a kick, so Swagger slid out the other side.  Orton went after him, but Jack was onto him and got the jump on Randy before running him into the guardrail.  Northern Lights Suplex on the floor.  Again, Orton's back was driven into the guardrail and then into the apron for good measure.  Back in the ring, Swagger picked up a 2 count.  Punching to Orton in the corner before a boot choke.  Swagger then drove his shoulder into the gut befoe hitting a suplex.  "RKO" chant got going, and indeed, Orton mounted a comeback, only to get hit with a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Swagger stomped on Orton's chest.  Swagger with another suplex.  He follows that with a back suplex.  Swagger again drives shoulders in the corner, but a charge meets Orton's knee.  But Swagger stays on top and send Orton shoulder first into the ringpost.

Swagger ducks out and grabs the title belt.  The satellite feed craps out for a second (DAMN YOU SKY!), but Swagger must have missed the belt shot, as Orton got some punches in before he was slammed down by the champion.  Scoop slam by Swagger.  Orton was down in front of the title belt as Swagger stepped back into the corner.  However, as Swagger went for the Vader Bomb, Orton popped up and whipped the belt into Swagger's gut.  Orton hit a pair of clotheslines and a snap powerslam for a 2 count.  Swagger went for the apron, but Orton pulled him back in, but Swagger stepped into the ring, and backdropped Orton out of the ring.  Punder time me thinks, as Swagger pulls out a trash can.  Again, Orton is on top of it and SMACKS Swagger in the head with the can.  Head rams off the announce table by Orton are rounded off by an uppercut.  Randy then whipped Jack into the steel steps.  Orton set Swagger up on the bottom half of the steps and stomped Swagger in the head a couple of times.  Orton rolled Swagger back in to continue the Orton Stomp.  He missed the big knee drop however.  Jack rolled out the ring and got the chair, but Orton caught him coming back in and hit the elevated DDT this time.  We went down for the RKO, but ended up next to Swagger's chair.

He picked the chair and opened it out.  Rather than take a seat however, he picked Swagger up and set for the RKO onto the chair.  However, Swagger countered and Orton's back landed on the chair instead.  Swagger tried picking Orton up for the finish, and managed to hit it for the three count!

WINNER & STILL CHAMPION:  JACK SWAGGER

Good match, but not a blowaway one.

However, as Swagger took his belt and left, Orton gave Swagger an RKO on the floor.  I think it's safe to say this one isn't over, draft pending...

Sheamus came out as Orton was being helped to the back.  Orton stared Sheamus down as he went past, but there was no attack.  Not on Swagger either, as he was helped to the back.  Sheamus took a mic and said that he told HHH he'd make a mistake by showing up, and he was right.  And if HHH wasn't man enough to fight, he wanted the ref to raise his hand as the winner.  We cut back to grisham, who was halfway saying that HHH wasn't good to go when HHH burst out the room and headed towards the ring!

Sheamus vs. HHH in a "Whatever I said earlier for a joke..." Street Fight.
HHH was holding his left arm, as the ref allowed him to get in, as HHH cofirmed he wanted the match.  A pipe shot was ducked, and HHH took Sheamus down with punches and then he tossed Sheamus out.  Then then ran Sheamus down on the outside before ramming his head into the announce desk.  He then ran Sheamus into the guardrail before kicking Sheamus's shoulder.  HHH took Sheamus up the aisle (not that that...you dirty minded people...) for some more guardrail ramming action, before heading back into the ring for a spinebuster.  He couldn't hook the Pedigree though, and Sheamus countered with a clothesline.  Double axe handle to the back of HHH on the outside.  Sheamus then rammed him by the back of the head into the dasher boards.  Sheamus stomped on the shoulder before putting a couple of punches in.  He then tossed Hunter into the guardrail.  Legit toss.  Mid-air and everything.  Hunter was set up on the arm, and hit with an elbow.  Straight punches to the head picked up a 2 count for Sheamus.  Knee to the head followed.

He then used his knee to drive HHH's head into the mat a couple of times.  A knee drop across the chest picked up 2.  Sheamus pounded on Hunter in the corner, before hitting a crossface blow to the head.  He picked up another 2 count.  From his knees, HHH got a couple of shots in, but another blow put HHH down for 2.  An arm & chinlock was put on by Sheamus.  He changed that to a chinlock as HHH fought back to his feet.  HHH was able to counter the chinlock with a back suplex.  HHH looked to recover on the outside, but Sheamus was on top of it with a neckbreaker.  Back in the ring, HHH pulled himself up oin the corner and blocked the charge, before sidestepping another, sending Sheamus into the ringpost.  DDT for HHH, but HHH grabbed the back of his head.

Firey Red Hand v2.0 for Sheamus picked up a 2 count, before he laid in punches.  Sheamus hit a powerslam for a pair of 2 counts.  Sheamus rolled out and grabbed his pipe.  (not that one...  What is it with you people and your dirty minds tonight???) but HHH countered with a gut shot and then a facebuster off the knee.  However, HHH was hit with a pipe shot for a close 2 count.  Sheamus looked for the Crucifix Powerbomb, but HHH slipped out and elevated Sheamus up and out the ring.  Cole said Sheamus called the finisher "Pale Justice".  That's a poor name to say the least.  Sheamus grabbed a kendo stick, but HHH got a drop toe hold sending Sheamus into the steps.  HHH grabbed the stick and whacked Sheamus in the back with it.  He hit another one to the back, followed by one to the gut.  They headed up the aisle as HHH continued with shots.  Two to the top of the head as they made the ramp.  HHH tried the Pedigree, but Sheamus backdropped out of it on the ramp.  As HHH got up, Sheamus hit the bicycle kick to the head.  Sheamus brought HHH back to the ring, and hit another bicycle kick.  Sheamus checked his welts as he stood over HHH.  Indeed, Sheamus looked somewhat amazed he was still getting up.  HHH told Sheamus to suck it, but he hit a Third and FOURTH kick to the head, and picked up the win.

WINNER:  SHEAMUS

Sheamus celebrated putting one foot on HHH's chest as the ref called for the doctor.

After replays, HHH tried refusing the doctor's help and still, electing to walk, assisted, to the back.  However, this just led to Sheamus flying in and hitting yet another bicycle kick.

This meant that HHH was indeed trussed up and wheeled away.

Next month, Over The Limit.  It has a speed theme.

We cut backstage to see Edge getting ready as Josh came in.  Edge said in a cage match you win in three ways.  Pin, submission or escape.  But there was no way Jericho was escaping.  And he wasn't even going to try.

Saliva's Greatest Hits.  I made the joke about that on Friday.

We saw what Cole called Matt Striker's bathroom as we saw a bunch of make up and stuff.  Striker blamed his sisters.

Michelle McCool vs. Beth Phoenix in a "Yeah, I don't know what the rules of this one are either..." Extreme Makeover match for the WWE Womens Title
Michelle came out with her friends.  Beth came out alone, well, mostly because there aren't hardly any left on the Smackdown brand.  Apparently, everything at ringside was legal to use.  Beth took Michelle into the ropes off a lock up, but Michelle kicked the leg and got some shots in.  Beth got a nice roll up for a 2 count.  She then came off the second rope with a clothesline for 2.  Michelle rolled outside, but was clotheslined down.  Layla tried to hit a broom shot, but Beth caught it and tossed Layla in the ring, and ran her off.  She went to pull Michelle in, but was sprayed in the face with hairspray.  Michelle pulled in an ironing board and tossed it into Beth for a 2 count.  McCool slammed the board down and then set it up on Beth and jumped on it.  Michelle then locked on a bodyscissors.  Layla passed in an iron, but the flex was caught and Beth surprised Mcihelle with a schoolgirl for 2.  Michelle retook contorl and set Beth up in the corner with the board, hitting a dropkick into it.  That scored a 2 count.  Michelle looked for more stuff, tossing a bucket of water aside, but Beth baseball slid an ironing board into Michelle.  Layla & Vickie held Beth, but she ducked another spraying and Michelle gave it to her friends.  She tossed Michelle onto the make up table, knocking it over.Beth threw a couple of things in the ring before putting Michelle back in.  She took the water bucker and gave Michelle a few shots for a 2 count.  Beth then set up a pair of ironing boards on the mat, before putting Michelle up top.  Beth climbed up too and Vickie and Layla were able to cause enough of a distraction as they waved brooms that Michelle pushed Beth onto the boards.  That only picked up 2.  The Faith Breaker was countered into the Glam Slam for the three count!

WINNER & NEW CHAMPION:  BETH PHOENIX

Wrestlemania 26 DVD advert.  Gonna have to get that.  Eventually.  Next up, the one match left that's not a title match.  BUT FIRST!

We cut backstage to Josh Matthews, who brings in Jericho.  Josh asked if his loss to Heath Slater would have any bearing tonight.  Jericho scoffed and asked if he thought one loss could affect him.  He's accrued the biggest amoutn of accolades in the company.  Losing to a no-name rookie doesn't change the fact that he's a game player.  He does exactly what he says he will, and tonight he's ending Edge's career and all the Edgeheads will be silenced from chanting "Spear".  It ends tonight.

Edge vs. Chris Jericho in a "Come on boys, show TNA how it's done..." Steel Cage match
Edge came out first, still with a pronounced limp.  Jericho hesitated getting in the cage, as he spied Edge awaiting him with lustre.  Jericho grabbed a chair and whacked it on the cage, before Edge dropkicked the door into Jericho, so things were starting out the outside.  Edge tossed Jericho and followed to start things properly.  Jericho climbed up, but Edge cut him off, showing a little cheeky Jericho ass, before stomping on Jericho in the corner.  Edge reversed a whip acorss corners and hit a clothesline.  Edge catapulted Jericho into the cage, but Jericho grabbed on and climbed up to the top, but Edge gave chase and pulled him back in.  Edge tossed Jericho tossed him off the top rope.  Jericho was sent into the cage wall, before he had his head pressed into it.  Edge then charged, but Jericho sidestepped and Edge met the wall.  Jericho hit the double-jump dropkick with Edge trapped between the ropes and cage.  Slingshot into the bottom rope by Jericho.  Back suplex by Jericho.  Jericho then locked on a chinlock with a knee driven into Edge's back.

Edge fought back to his feet and then reversed a whip, but took a kick to the chest.  However, Jericho charged and was elevated into the cage.  Edge began to build momentum with clotheslines and flapjack.  Edge-O-Matic picked up a 2 count.  Jericho caught Edge and then gave him a bulldog.  Lionsault missed, but Jericho ran up to the top of the cage.  Edge managed to pull him back again though.  Jericho caught a kick and took them both off the top rope right into the Walls Of Jericho.  Edge was in the middle of the ring, but he literally clawed his way over to the ropes.  However, because there was no DQ's in the cage,  Edge had to work his way free before hitting the Edge-O-Matic again for 2.  The Edgecution was blocked, but the Walls were kicked off of and Edge hit a big boot.  Edge was in a Spearing frame of mind.  But Jericho was in the door's corner, and he tried to slide out the door.  Edge pulled Jericho back, but Jericho had grabbed the chair from earlier.  Edge pulled the chair away from Jericho and tossed it in the ring, but jericho used this to ram the cage door into the head of Edge.  Jericho triumphantly started going down the steps, but then decided that that was too easy, climbing back in.  He grabbed the chair, and set for a blast, but Edge ducked and hit a big spear.  But only for 2!!!

Edge was up first, but a little punch drunk, and this allowed Jericho to hit the Codebreaker, but he only picked up a deuce from that.  He tried another pin, but again, only got 2.  Jericho began a climb up the cage, and made it up to the top before Edge could give chase.  Jericho slid over the other side, but Edge caught up to him and pulled him back in.  They fought on the top rope, and Edge got crotched.  Jericho began to climb over again, but Edge managed to grab Jericho's arms through the top part of the cage.  Edge joined Jericho up top, and it was a slugfest on the cage top.  Jericho made his way back into the cage, and Edge claimbed back in too.  However, after Jericho was pulled off the ropes, Jericho hit a Springboard Codebreaker off the ropes!  However, after being slow to pin, Jericho only picked up a 2 count.  Jericho pleaded with Edge to stay down.  He chop-blocked Edge's ankle down before grabbing the chair, yelling that he was finished.  He swung for the ankle, but Edge avoided it and tossed Jericho into the cage's walls.  Jericho tried another climb after being whipped towards the corner, but again Edge cut him off.  Edge yelled that now it ends as he rammed Jericho's head off the cage, knocking him down.  Edge stalked over Jericho taunting Jericho to leave through the door, before preventing him from doing so.  Edge rammed the door into Jericho's ankle.  Jericho begged off.  Edge snapped the ankle like you'd snap a neck.  He then took his time to stomp on the ankle. before setting for the spear.  He begged Jericho to get up, and as he did, he hit the spear and picked up the three count.

WINNER:  EDGE

Don't Try This At Home.  Even if you have a wrestling ring and full training.  I mean, who wants to run shows in their home?

WWE Draft tomorrow, as Cole mentions it's in Richmond.  Good week to have released Mickie, huh?

Main event time next, and here's the video to prove it.

John Cena vs. Batista in a "Given the news on Batista's status, will he ever get up again?" Last Man Standing match for the WWE Heavyweight Title
Batista is out first, followed by Cena, who by merchendise, if nothing else, is popular in Baltimore.  You'll be shocked to read that there are even young men wearing his gear!  That said, there was a "Cena Sucks" chant at the bell.  Off a lockup, Cena hit a shoulder tackle, sending Batista out the ring.  Cena hit another one, and again, Batista left the ring.  But he brought a chair back with him this time.  Cena ducked the swing and whipped Batista across the corner and hit the bulldog as Dave came out.  Cena hit the Fisherman's suplex.  Batista was whipped into the corner, but he blocked Cena's charge with an elbow.  Cena came out of the corner after being whipped into it to be met with a clothesline that drew a 5 count.  Batista hit a big boot to the shoulder, but as he got up, he looked for the Attitude Adjustment, but Deacon Dave slipped out and sent Cena into the ringpost.  Batista the started to target the left leg of Cena.  he hung Cena off the middle rope while on the outside before ramming the leg off the corner of the ring.  Batista got another chair and jabbed it into the leg.  Cena tried to get up, but couldn't put weight on the leg, but Batista came in and worked on it some more.  Batista worked over the knee in the corner before hitting a short clothesline.  This drew a 6 count from the ref.  Cena tried to avoid Batista, but was caught with a suplex.  This drew a 7 count, but Batista came form behind with the chop block.

Cena rolled out the ring, but Batista put his boot on Cena's head and neck on the apron.  Batista got out the ring, and put a couple of punches in, but his leg gave way.  He was able, however, to reverse a Batista whip into the steps.  Cena rolled back in the ring, followed by Batista.  Batista locked on a Figure Four leg lock.  While he couldn't get a submission, it would continue the damage on the legs.  Cena was able to turn it over and reverse the pressure.  Both men up at 6, but they clotheslined each other back down again.  Cena was able to hit a pair of shoulderblocks and the ProtoBomb.  Five Knuckle Shuffle connected, but Batista rolled inder the ring, and grabbed a wrench and jabbed it into Cena's gut.  Batista then grabbed another chair, but Cena ducked and hit the Attitudfe Adjustment onto the chair!  Count began and Batista got up at 9.  While Cena was climbing up top, Batista shoved the ref into the ropes to crotch him.  Dave hit a spear, and a count started on both men.  Batista up at 4.  Cena was up at 8, but he turned into another spear.  Again, Cena was up at about 8, to Batista's dismay.  Batista went back under the ring and pulled out a whole toolbox, followed by a table.  I think the toolbox was in his way, because he put the table in the ring and set it up in the corner.

Cena caught Batista and looked for the STF, but Batista was able to kick him off and through the table.  The count began and he slipped out of the ring onto his feet to break it.  Batista ran Cena's back into the ringpost.  Cena was getting up, so Batista whipped Cena into the timekeepers position, destorying it.  Cena was literally barely able to get back to his feet.  In annoyance, Batista cleared the announce desk, even tossing a monitor towards Striker.  He then set up the steps beside the table.  Batista took Cena up the steps, but Cena was able to get Batista up on his shoulders and hti the Attitude Adjustment off the steps and through the announce table!!!  Batista got up at, like 9.99999992, with heavy assistance from the guardrail.  Cena went under the ring and pulled out a table of his own.  He set it up in the ring and collected Batista, tossing him back in the ring.  He looked for another Attitude Adjustment through the table, but Batista reversed and hit a spinebuster through the table!  Batista was up at about 6, and Cena was up at 9.  Batista had a face like thunder at this.  He grabbed Cena and hit the Batista Bomb.  Cena stirred at 6, and had to literally pop up at 9, but was barely able to.

Batista now brought the steps into the ring, but Cena caught Batista in the STF!  Batista tapped quick, but that didn't count.  Batista grabbed the ropes, but again, this meant nothing.  When Batista seemed like he was gone, Cena let go and let the ref start a count.  Batista was up at 9.  Cena ran outside and crotched Batista around the ring post.  He then got some duct tape and taped Batista's legs together!!!  Because he wasn't standing, the referee started a count, and as much as he struggled, and Cena motioned "You Can't See Me" as the ref counted to 10!

WINNER & STILL CHAMPION:  JOHN CENA

What is it about John Cena and Last Man Standing matches that seem to feature completely unique finishes?  Duct taping the legs.  Being put through a light.  Using a broken turnbuckle to choke Umaga.

Batista tried to free himself as Cena celebrated and left as the show ended.

And boy, we were close to the top of the hour here!  Anyway, I'm so tired and there's so much sleep in my eyes, I can barely see straight, and I have a couple of not entirely pleasant phone calls to make tomorrow, so I'll see you all later!