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RDLee Free Insanity - "Whisky Fists" Macintosh

By RDLee Jun 20, 2010 - 8:51 AM print

RDLee: Before we begin with the questions let's start with the generic opening which involves me saying thanks for joining me. And then it's your turn to say thanks back... go ahead... I'm waiting...

Macintosh: Is that the same opening statement you use on girls at the pub? I just walk up and say, "Mind if I stand here? I farted back over there."

RDLee: Well, I'm married so no I don't use that line on the ladies but feel free to borrow it sometime. Moving on...You recently had the chance to work with Roddy Piper, Logan X and Cincinatti Red at the big MPW show last month. You went "In the pit with the Piper" and verbally jousted with the Hot Rod. How do you think it all went down?

Macintosh: Well, I guess it went down alright. I had a lot I wanted to get off my chest. Roddy has been a friend of the family for a long time and for the last couple of years, it seems as though I was invisible to him....as if I slapped some honey on his backside before he ran out to wrestle a bear.

RDLee: For years you've always displayed a similiar choice in apparrel as Roddy Piper. Is he your one of your idols? Are you two related? Or do you just think he's sexy and want to look like him?

Macintosh: You should use spell check before sending questions out. But to answer your questions-

1. We both wear kilts, we are Scottish. Lots of Scots wear kilts. Stop being racist. 2. An idol? Yes he is. He is up there with William Wallace, Robert The Bruce and Charlie Stewart.
3. Scots often call each other 'cousins'.
4. Is he sexy? Of course. Most Scottish men are lady killers. I have courted dozens of women of all races and colours (even the Mexican ones) with my whit and bedroom prowess. An evening of efficient Scottish sex makes most women buckle at the knees. I have unlimited machismo and unrelenting sexual ardor.

RDLee: I don't need spellcheck, I was just "testing you"... As we both know, Cincinatti Red lost his match against Logan X and had his famous red locks chopped off by Piper after the match as result of the stipulation. By any chance did you collect any of Red's hair off the ground? It currently sells for a hundred dollars an ounce on Ebay. You could buy a boat with just a handful at that rate.

Macintosh: I did. In fact I grabbed most of it when he was not looking and placed his hair in a baggy and left it in your gear bag. I told Red that I saw you putting it in there. Expect a proper arse kicking soon.

RDLee: I wasn't aware that I even had a gear bag so you might have just gotten someone else's ass kicked by Red. As you might know, my last interview featured "Fan Boy" who made his MPW debut at the big show. What are your thoughts on him? Who would you dress up as if you were to fill his role for one night?

Macintosh: I dont know what a 'Fan Boy' is. Is that some sort of Star Wars gimmick? If so, then I would like to be the lizard looking bounty hunter from Empire Strikes Back, with an IG88 made out of conduit piping, holding a paintball gun with a remote firing mechanism. Once I feel the match is not going in my favour, I use the remote to have my ghetto IG88 to start firing blindly into the ring, hopefully hitting my opponent, or children at ringside.

RDLee: There is a rumor going around (in my head) that the stars of Triple A in Mexico are planning on invading the next MPW show in attempts to rip off the NXT invasion currently happening on RAW. How are you going to prepare yourself beforehand in case an attack?

Macintosh: I will offer them Monopoly money in exchange for a green card. I have already been deported twice for being here 'illegally'.

I for one, will welcome your new Mexican masters.

RDLee: Speaking of Triple A, they have a video game coming out for the Xbox 360 in a few monthes. That leads me into my next question. You are a gamer and as a matter of fact we have played together once or twice before. What are you currently playing?

Macintosh: Triple A has a game in the works? I bet it is from the same developers that made those creepy Burger King games. You know, you are The King and you sneak around neighbourhoods, and feed people cheeseburgers. But I bet in the Triple A version, you sneak around intersections with a squeegee and bottle of water, trying to clean peoples car windows before the light turns green. OR you harass women at Home Depot parking lots. Right now I am playing Red Dead Redemption. I beat it a few days ago, great game. Now I play online with my headset on, and tell everyone its time for 'Border Patrol' and I shoot anyone trying to cross over into America.

RDLee: I scrolled thru my Xbox live list and noticed you weren't on it anymore, what happened? Are you just afraid that I might school you in Hannah Montana: the video game again?

Macintosh: Yes.

RDLee: I knew it! Anyway, You've called yourself "Whisky Fists" for a long time, what exactly does that mean? Is there an origin to that nickname? I just assumed that you liked to pour whiskey on your fists and lick it off, am I wrong?

Macintosh: I would never waste Scotch whiskey by pouring it anywhere than in my mouth or the bosom of an attractive woman. 'Whiskey Fists' is the same as 'Beer Muscles'. You know, when you had a few and feel like clobbering some limey for hundreds of years of rape, plunder and murder. Even though there is not a single Englishman nowadays responsible for any of that.

RDLee: You've done it all in the wrestling business so far including stepping in the ring, managing and even commentary. Let's pretend that you woke up tomorrow and found out that you would be heading to the WWE as the manager of the returning Beverly Brothers tag team. What would you do in order to make it successful in the current PG rated era?

Macintosh: It is the little things that contribute to a successful tag team. I would have those guys focus purely on tag team moves, making fast tags, that sort of thing, while I concentrate on the rest of the tag teams on the roster. Such as, putting a few Viagra pills into beers and hand it to a tag team 30 minutes before a match 'wishing them a big win'. Or, by going through their gear bags in the locker room, and putting some of their belongings into the bags of a different tag team. That right there takes heat off of your team and deflects it to someone else. Have you ever seen those stupid child harnesses that new fathers are forced to wear by their wives? The ones that hold the baby on your chest? I would have my team wear those with a very realistic looking doll in there. What scumbag would strike a guy carrying a baby on his chest? That right there will give you a full offensive advantage and the mental edge.

RDLee: The hot button topic in the wrestling industry right now is the release of Bryan Danielson for choking WWE announcer Justin Roberts with his tie during the NXT invasion. Do you think that it was unfair for him to be fired over it? Have you ever choked anyone out with their own tie and gotten away with it? Would you have done it to Logan X or Roddy Piper if you had the chance?

Macintosh: They show all kinds of things, but let a guy go for that? Something else is going on there. Have I choked out anybody with a tie and gotten away with it? Kinda....I was once in an elevator, and the doors open and I saw this hipster standing there, with his shirt, tie, jacket, and Chuck Taylors on, while talking on a cell phone about granola and fumbling with his backpack that was held together by Peugeot patches. He was taking his sweet time trying to get in, and the door started to close and he attempted to stop the door from closing. At this point I punched him right in the face. His head flew back and I grabbed his tie and waited for the elevator doors to close. You can figure out the rest. 

RDLee: Linda McMahon is running for the senate. Do you think you would make a good senator? What would you do if you suddenly put in office tomorrow?

Macintosh: This is a great question. I know in America, when you are on death row, you may stay in prison for decades before you are killed for your crimes. This is a waste of taxpayer money. If I were in office, my policy would be from the courtroom, to an adjacent room to be killed immediately. Or I would produce The Running Man TV show with those criminals. Another thing I would do is have police give citations to men who hold their wives/girlfriends purse while they try some article of clothing on. This makes men look weak and without self respect. If they weren't there to hold the purse, they wouldn't ask a stranger to do it, they would take it in the dressing room with them! If a woman leaves the toilet seat down, you should pee in her tub. I would put slot machines in gas stations. This revenue would get a state out of debt within a couple of years.

RDLee: If you could go back in time and work with anyone in the wrestling business during any era, who would you pick and why?

Macintosh: Oh man....another good one. I would love to call an episode of Prime Time Wrestling with Bobby The Brain and Gorilla Monsoon. I would have loved to have a match with Owen Hart in his Blue Blazer gimmick. He was amazing, and I loved his style. I think we could have put on an entertaining match.

RDLee: Boxers or Briefs? Team Jacob or Team Edward? Xbox 360 or PS3?

Macintosh: Neither (I wear a kilt). Who are those guys? The metrosexual vampires? Gilbert Gottfried is a more believable Dracula than anyone. XBOX 360!!!!

RDLee: If you were given complete control over TNA and had unlimited resources. What would you do to finally make them competition to the WWE? Besides hiring me to help you bring in some much needed ratings, who would you bring in off the independant scene that could be a major star?

Macintosh: I would reunite 3 Count from WCW, for starters. As far as who I would bring in from the indys? I would bring in the top 3 guys from each promotion around the United States for a US Independent tournament, the top 3 guys or whatever get a signed contract. Doing that would promote indy guys and their promotions and I think it would help out with ratings. I remember the Monday Night Wars, and how much I loved the diversity of styles in WCW. I miss the days of lucha guys, the guys from Japan, and Canadians, with Great Britain's all in the mix. You dont see that much in WWE. I would push a Cruiserweight division, for sure....but what do I know. I am just some guy that used to live on a boat.

RDLee: Thanks again for joining me, I know you had a wonderful time. Any last words out there to the loyal members of the "Whisky Fists" fanclub?

Macintosh: .....I have a fan club?


Big thanks to Macintosh for the awesome interview. He is set to face police officer, Logan X who is coming off his big win over wrestling legend Cincinatti Red last month in the first ever hair v.s. badge match. This time Roddy Piper won't be involved so will Whisky Fists be able to stop Logan X on his own? Only time will tell. Be sure to check http://www.mpwwrestling.com/ to find out all the latest news, results and info on their upcoming shows.

Add Whisky Fists Macintosh on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/joustingjay

Also be sure to "Like" MPW on their official Facebook page found here: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=323920314339 

Finally, check out the MPW On Demand offerings on Youtube at the following link: http://www.youtube.com/user/MPWONDEMAND?feature=mhw4

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