T.G.I.F. With Crazy Uncle Ralph...What I Have In Common With Miz, The Mexican Bulldog, The Anvil Made a Hot Kid, The Dixie Division, Yellow Cake Uranium, The Differences Between Hulk Hogan and OJ Simpson, Anderson Cooper's Tea, Allison Iraheta's Awesome, Sexting, Coconuts, Ronco Electric Food Dehydrator, and More
By Crazy Uncle Ralph
Apr 17, 2009 - 9:12 AM
Crazy Uncle Ralph Presents: Thank Goodness It’s Friday!!!!!
Matt Dawgs asked me to fill in again.
I told him that if he wanted me to, then I was going to tell everyone his big secret.
You want to know what it is?
His middle name is "Bangs."
Let's do this:
1) WWE News and Notes
• Bella Twins: Raw – that just sounds awesome.
Nothing to do with wrestling.
• M.V.P. – Maybe Vince'll Push?
The Miz and Morrison broke up.
Miz gave him a neckbreaker.
Incidentally, that's how I broke up with my first wife.
Anyone have Michele McCool's cell number?
I wanna talk her into doing some of the "sexting" that 7th graders are all raving about.
• Everyone bitches about Randy Savage not being in the Hall of Fame, but I don't know why.
The guy only played baseball for a minor league team for like a season.
• Chavo Guerrero was drafted to Raw this week.
At this point, he's like the Matilda to Vicki Guerrero's British Bulldog.
He's the Frankie to her Koko.
He's the DDP to her Bischoff.
Welcome back to the show that made you Kerwin, buddy.
• I wanna fight Shane McMahon soooooooo bad.
Tell you what, Shane –o.
Me and you.
One and one.
If you're not sweating profusely after ten seconds, you win.
Given your track record, you'll lose before you even get in the ring.
• In an audio yesterday, my boneheaded nephew, James Guttman, compared Ricky Ortiz to Chuck Palumbo.
He's half right.
Ricky reminds me more of a combination of Chuck and overwhelming mind-numbing boredom.
• The Colons like to put "o" at the end of their kid's names, huh?
I'm waiting for the rest of them to debut – Uno, Keno, Paco Loco, Judge Ito, Tito, Meato, Big Vito, and Charlie.
• I bet they all wear shiny pants.
• Speaking of which, Chris Jericho's on Smackdown now.
I'm looking forward to seeing him excel for a little while before they decide to make him into a joke again.
It's a fun cycle.
Stay away from them coconuts, Fozzy Face.
• Jim Neidhart made a hot daughter.
How the hell did that happen?
If you told me 20 years ago that he had a baby girl, I'd have expected her to have a giant red goatee and chest hair…and big MC Hammer taxi cab pants.
• WWE Superstars made its debut on WGN this week.
I accidentally missed it.
It was on early in the morning so, of course, I was trashed.
I ended up watching an infomercial for the Ronco Food Dehydrator.
You know why?
Because even though that infomercial airs 20 times a week, it's still less time than WWE is on TV during the same seven days.
Send me Maryse's number too…oh and the French translation for "sext message me."
2) TNA News and Notes
• TNA is still on TV.
• Dixie Carter plans on making an on air appearance at their big PPV this weekend.
Rumors are that she's going to pin the X Division and then do a Sarah Palin impression.
• Mick Foley interviewed Cactus Jack last night on TNA TV.
Where does the time go?
Is it 1998 already?
• I think it's time for Kurt Angle to embrace the Christian way…and I'm not talking about religion.
3) Random Thoughts, Links, Disses, Kisses, Pics, ETC.
• Whenever I hear about Iran trying to obtain Yellow Cake Uranium for nuclear weapons, all I think is that I really love to eat yellow cake.
What a weird thing to name uranium.
Why would something so dangerous sound so delicious?
What're they obtaining next?
Chocolate Brownie Anthrax?
• I play a drinking game with that show "SCRUBS."
What I do is everytime I don't laugh, I drink.
I'm usually pretty hammered after about 30 seconds.
• So Hulk Hogan does this interview where he says that he gets OJ Simpson's reasons for (allegedly) killing his ex-wife and friend.
People freaked out.
Hulk and OJ are completely different people.
For starters, OJ actually made movies worth seeing.
• Also, OJ's son didn't cave some kid's head in and then talk crap about him with his dad in jail.
• Oh and for those of you who say that at least Hogan didn't kill anyone, what about Paul Orndorff's heel push?
• Lindsay Lohan did this funny self mocking video online recently.
It'll be even funnier when she plunges her car into the side of a building, killing herself and 11 people.
We all laugh now, right?
Remember how we all used to mail around the video of Anna Nicole Smith all messed up at that awards show?
• CNN's Anderson Cooper made fun of the tea party protesters this week when he said, "It's hard to talk when you're teabagging."
I love disses with double entendres.
I heard that Anderson keeps his teabags in the closet.
• Speaking of tea parties, I went to one on Wednesday.
I threw tea bags in the air and screamed at everyone that walked by to join in.
Long story short, I'm not allowed at that Panera's anymore.
• The judges used the save on American Idol this week to save the kid with the thing on his forehead.
• They couldn't eliminate Allison.
World Wrestling Insanity writer Matt Dawgs is a fruity little ragamuffin. His future is bright and once James Guttman comes into a large sum of money, you can expect Matt will be getting killed by a professional hitman. Matt used to moonlight as a professional wrestler/manager in the NY/NJ Indy scene but stopped because he was caught trying to stare at Homicide's junk in the locker room. He also is a funny looking guy. If you have any questions, corrections, feedback, offers for man-on-man kissing, comments and ideas, he can be reached at Matt@worldwrestlinginsanity.com. If the feedback is negative...of course.
P.S. – In case you didn’t know, James Guttman has a new WRESTLING BOOK out titled “Shoot First, Ask Questions Later”. He thinks he's a big shot now - good for him. He's funny lookin too.
Also, don’t forget to check out CLUB WWI. It can be found by clicking the banner at the top of this page. Check out all the new audio updates and features found there. Some good stuff including all of James Guttman’s past Radio Free Insanity broadcasts as well as all new, uncut interviews with some of wrestling past and present names. Good stuff people. John Cena Sr. was on this week. He and I are gonna get hammered and punch people in the face. You down? Good. Meet me at Panera Bread.
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