World Wrestling Insanity: Crazy Uncle Ralph's Hall of Fame: The Class of 2009

Crazy Uncle Ralph's Hall of Fame: The Class of 2009

By Crazy Uncle Ralph
Mar 27, 2009 - 1:38 PM

So I know this guy that knows some chick who does Linda McMahon's nails and he tells me that the Hall of Fame that WWE does…isn't even real.

I know. Crazy, right?

So I go, "What are you talkin' about, Willis?"

His name is really Willis. I wasn't doing that Webster thing. Ev-i-dently, WWE's Hall of Fame isn't a real building. It's just a ceremony. People are inducted. Everyone complains that it lasts too long. Ric Flair cries. That's the WWE Hall of Fame.

So I go, "Yo. Willis. Why can't I do a Hall of Fame?" And he goes, "I dare you." So I go, "Yeah? You dare me?" And he goes, "Hang on, I got to go take a piss." So I go, "OK." The story kind of trails off there. But anyway, this leads us to….

Crazy Uncle Ralph's Wrestling Hall of Fame: Class of 2009

The Berzerker

HUSS! HUSS! What the f**k's he saying? Huss?

Nothing like a Viking with a sword and braindamage to scare the heck out of someone. I wouldn't fight him. Ever. I'd fight all the big muscle guys in a second – Goldberg, Brock, Mr. Fuji. But I ain't fighting Nutso The Sword Wielding Viking.

Fanny Packs

All wrestlers wear fanny packs. They wear 'em to bed. So this is my second honor. If it wasn't for fanny packs, guys wouldn't be able to keep their wallets or fake pee or whatnot. Speaking of fake pee, make sure to never drink from the apple juice container marked "Guests Juice" if you come to by house. Consider that your gift from me for reading my stuff.

Those Two Federettes I Wanted To Do

Mmmmmm. I love you both.

Kobashi

Kobashi is my hero. I bow to his feet. For one thing, his name sounds like Coke Machine, but you knew that years ago. For another thing, I forgot what I was talking about.

Oh. Kobashi. Yeah. This guy's a tank. He lit up Samoa Joe like a big Samoan Christmas Tree. Which I would imagine looks just like a regular Christmas Tree. So that analogy didn't work. Whatever. Kobashi is God and you're all alive because he allows it.

Michael Cole's Facial Hair

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It's here. It's there. It's everywhere. He's the Wooly Willy of the WWE. Here's to you, Michael. You damp scamp tramp. Groom yourself like crazy!

Aaron Wood

Don't believe the hype. He's a fine young cannibal. Plus, he promised to hook me up with some freaky Scottish chicks and promised none would be dudes in kilts. But he laughed after, so I'm not so sure.

Mantaur

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Half Man. Half Taur. Everyone laughs at this guy, but would you want to fight him? No. No you wouldn't. Know why? He'd run you over then eat you. That's what he'd do. Then what would you do? Nothing.