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Sandow, Rickard, and Uncle Ralph: The Return of Ralph

By Sandow, Rickard, and Ralph
Nov 6, 2005 - 5:36 PM


...

Eugene Sandow is a lawyer based in Washington, D.C. He has been watching professional wrestling since 1985. He has strong opinions and even stronger ways of presenting them. Mr. Sandow is well known as an articulate and intelligent member of the Insanity Message Boards.

Mike Rickard is a lawyer based in New York. He has been watching professional wrestling for most of his life. As the current webmaster of www.WrestleInfo.com, Mike spends time studying the history of the industry. His work on Derek Burgan's Gumgod.com has been described as insightful and entertaining.

Crazy Uncle Ralph is James Guttman's angry Uncle. When he heard the name of James's upcoming book, he immediately registered the domain name "www.WorldWrestlingInsanity.com" In exchange for the site's name, he demanded that James give him a weekly writing gig. He hasn't watched wrestling since the early '80s and even then he didn't like it much. He's a big drinker and was once arrested for urinating in the Ball Pit of a McDonald's Playland.

***

1) Will Joey Styles succeed in WWE?

Eugene Sandow: Joey Styles will not succeed in WWE. Joey Styles might be the best possible choice to replace Jim Ross, but I don�t believe he�ll be given a genuine opportunity in the WWE jungle. If Joey Styles becomes the permanent play-by-play man on Raw, the entire first year apparently will be a long �trial� period. That�s too long a period of uncertainty for Styles to survive in the Darwinian WWE. If Styles were to receive a big money long-term contract, things might be different, because WWE (read: Vince McMahon) would have to justify the large salary to themselves, if not to company stockholders. If, however, things are as I understand them, which is that Styles is not guaranteed anything for more than a year, he�ll eventually sink from the forces allied against him.

It�s no secret that WWE was strongly down on Joey Styles straight until he was placed in the Taboo Tuesday spot. After signing a contract with WWE, Styles angered the company by (1) openly criticizing WWE on the web, (2) attempting to take part in a �competing� pay-per-view (Styles was under the mistaken impression that his contract permitted him to announce on taped, but not live, pay-per-views), and (3) bragging � perhaps with no justification � that his contract would allow him to announce for both WWE and UFC. Vince McMahon might forgive, but he never forgets. Joey Styles is nothing more than a band aid, brought in as an emergency interim replacement for the insufferable Jonathan Coachman until WWE finds its actual replacement for Jim Ross (which might end up actually being Jim Ross � it wouldn�t shock me to see Ross as Raw announcer again in early 2006).

No chance, that�s what he�s got, no chance in hell.

 

Mike Rickard: A friend of mine once gave me some good advice when it comes to relationships. She said �You don�t go from sugar to shit�, the meaning being if you�re going to drop someone for another person, it had better be to upgrade. Looking at the current situation with the WWE and its announcers, it�s clear that Vince has gone from sugar to shit. While the Coach character does a good job as a heel and a backstage interview guy, his work as an announcer leaves a lot to be desired. It�s an opinion shared by a lot of people and you have to question the mindset that equates dumping the best announcer in the business for one of the worst.

Whether it�s the fans� backlash against JR�s removal from RAW or the obvious fact that Coachman isn�t cutting it, the WWE has been forced to reconsider the question of who will call Monday Night RAW. Always one for a quick fix, the WWE has turned to ECW�s own Joey Styles. Styles play by play work in ECW is fondly remembered by fans and given the success of The Rise and Fall of ECW and ECW One Night Stand, the WWE is probably counting on luring back ECW fans with Styles addition to the announce table.

Clearly, Joey Styles is someone that knows how to call a show. He knows the moves, the wrestlers, and he knows that an announcer�s job is to build the matches. Like any non-homegrown talent in the WWE, the question that needs to be answered is whether or not he can adapt to the WWE style. Will Styles be able to call matches the way he likes to or will Vince McMahon treat Styles as if he were nothing more than a ventriloquist�s dummy wearing an ECW t-shirt to lure in �the ECW crowd�.

Styles has the tools needed to be a successful announcer in the WWE, especially if he is allowed to call matches the same way that he called them in ECW. He is a good play by play man and I think that fans could easily grow accustomed to him calling the matches. Styles enthusiasm for wrestling is apparent and he calls the matches in a way that doesn�t insult the intelligence of the fans (something that Michael Cole would do well to learn). Styles is never going to replace Jim Ross but he can make the loss of �Good �Ol J.R.� more palatable.

There�s no question that Styles can succeed but at the same time, there�s no guarantee either. Styles will have to adapt to the unique (to say the least) work environment of the WWE. It will be interesting to see how Styles deals with Vince McMahon telling him to call the matches. Another challenge will be adapting from a solo commentator role to that of a team player. Will Styles be able to call his matches as he likes to with the color commentary of Jerry Lawler (PUPPIES!) and Jonathon Coachman�s blunder by blunder style of announcing added to the mix?

And then there�s the backlash from Jim Ross� fans. No matter how good of a job Styles does, there will be resentment by fans who miss Jim Ross. This isn�t the first time that the WWE has tried to replace Jim Ross. Many fans consider Jim Ross to be the voice of the WWE and in their minds he is irreplaceable. This time the WWE seems determined to replace Ross as an announcer but if there is enough of a backlash, the WWE could be forced to bring him back. Styles finds himself working in the very large shadow of Jim Ross and this will likely be his biggest challenge in finding success in the WWE.

Uncle Ralph: So Vince called me like, what was it, Tuesday of last week. He was all, "Ralph, come to Monday Night WrestleMania, or whatever the f**ks ya call it. He wanted me to do the announcing, but I was in jail. Had I been out of jail, perhaps with the help of two lawyers that I write with, I could be on Monday Night Smackdown, or whatever the f**ks ya call it. But no. No Ralph. Now you're all stuck listenin' to Julia Styles do commentary, damn it. Ha! I hated "Save the Last Dance!"

 


2) Was Steve Austin right or wrong to walk out of his match at Taboo Tuesday?

 

Sandow: Irreversible damage would have been done to Steve Austin�s character by jobbing to Coach at Taboo Tuesday. Therefore, ultimately I would say that Steve Austin did the right thing by not wrestling Coach. I must, however, qualify that conclusion by saying that Steve Austin is not at all blameless for this latest Austin/WWE fiasco. (It�s Austin�s third WWE walk out, so he appears to be going for some kind of record. Who�s Austin�s competitor for greatest number of walk outs? I believe it might be none other than...Hulk Hogan.)

Neither Austin nor McMahon should have agreed to the Taboo Tuesday return without a meeting of the minds on what was going to occur in the match. Word is that Austin assumed he was going over, but, under the circumstances, Austin should never have agreed to return without knowing exactly where the booking was headed. I�m skeptical that Steve Austin naively believed he was going over Coach. Sure, the television build would lead a logical observer to believe that Austin would defeat Coach and Jim Ross would triumphantly return to Raw, but there were other things occurring that led almost everyone in the company � including Jim Ross � to believe that Ross was finished as Raw�s lead announcer. Moreover, Jim Ross would not have been capable of returning to Raw until two or three weeks following the pay-per-view. Are we to believe that Austin never considered how anticlimactic Ross�s return would be a month down the line? What did Austin think was going to happen on the Raw following Taboo Tuesday? Jim Ross and Steve Austin are genuine friends; is it even possible the thought that he would be asked to put over Coach never crossed Austin�s mind? This is the same Steve Austin who has always been concerned � some would say to the point of paranoia � with protecting his character. Under the circumstances, Austin had to realize Coach probably would be booked to go over. Steve Austin is an intelligent man and should have inquired further before agreeing to the return. Why, then, did he not do so? My guess is that Austin felt like serving a receipt on Vince McMahon, who screwed Austin at the Raw Homecoming on October 3 by having Hulk Hogan challenge Austin without Austin having agreed to the scenario in advance. McMahon attempted to back Austin into a corner, as Austin will appear to have �backed down� if the match doesn�t come to fruition. This kind of gambit surely did not endear McMahon to Austin, and likely had the exact opposite effect.

Austin might have bided his time, waiting for his opportunity to back McMahon into a corner. It didn�t take long for opportunity to come knocking, either. Austin was asked to wrestle his first match in over two and a half years against, of all people, Coach, an announcer. (What?) No matter who was booked to win (What?), the match would have been an utter waste of a potential big money return. (What?) Conspicuously, Austin is not told and does not inquire about the finish. (What?) Austin agrees to the match. (What?) Everyone, however, seems to believe Coach is going over. (What?) Did Austin completely lose his mind? (What?) No, Austin did not lose his mind.

Austin did not necessarily believe he was going over. With so many uncertainties involved in the match, Austin clearly did not agree to an enforceable contract to wrestle Coach at Taboo Tuesday. Thus, Austin at any point was free to walk away from the match. Austin knew there was a good chance that he was going to be asked to do the job for Coach. Once he was asked to do the job � four days before the show � Austin had his excuse for backing out (I have a bridge to sell to those who believe Austin didn�t work the match because he hurt himself moving furniture), and an opportunity to back McMahon into a corner. Four days before the pay-per-view and its main selling point was gone. McMahon was forced to scramble to put together an on the fly Dave Batista/Coach/Goldust/�I Ate A Van� Vader angle, which at best was only slightly embarrassing to the company. On top of that, McMahon in response couldn�t even bury Austin in any significant way, which you just know he wanted to do. Why couldn�t McMahon bury Austin? Well, you see, there�s this little matter of a Wrestlemania main event five months down the line....

Steve Austin knew exactly how things were likely to play out. Obviously, Vince McMahon should have discussed the finish with Steve Austin before advertising the match, but Austin deserves at least a portion of the blame for WWE not delivering the major selling point for Taboo Tuesday.

Rickard: Steve Austin will be remembered as one of the greatest wrestlers in history and one of the few people to stand up against promoters for what he believes in. Once again, when the WWE has asked him to do something blatantly stupid, he has responded with the backstage equivalent of the middle finger that made his anti-hero character so popular with fans.

This isn�t the first time that Austin has taken his ball home. When asked to do a meaningless job to Brock Lesnar during Lesnar�s first big push, Austin vetoed the idea, correctly pointing out that the WWE would make a lot more money running an Austin/Lesnar match AFTER Lesnar had rightfully gone over as �The Next Big Thing�. Austin also walked out when he felt that the WWE�s writing team was running the company into the ground. Given the current state of the WWE product, it�s amazing that Austin has even considered coming back.

To debate the rightfulness of Austin�s actions, you have to eliminate the notion that there is anything remotely resembling loyalty in the world of professional wrestling. Drive the thought it from your mind the same way you did the thought of Mae Young�s puppies flapping in the breeze on pay-per-view. There is no such thing as loyalty in wrestling. Vince McMahon (and just about every promoter in the business) has a strong sense of loyalty to the American dollar but once a wrestler has lost the ability to draw said dollar, they are quickly shown the door, sometimes with a pat on the back before they leave (WWE Hall of Fame) but out the door nonetheless. There have been exceptions (Gorilla Monsoon comes to mind) but if you think they�re the rule, go ask Pat Patterson, Dave Hebner, or Percy Pringle how much loyalty means to the WWE.

In many fans� minds, the question of whether or not Austin did the right thing in walking out depends on his motivation. Unlike wrestlers who walk out because they want more money or because they want to be world champion forever, Austin�s walk-outs have always had at the core of them, a desire to do what is best for the business. As mentioned earlier, losing to Brock Lesnar at the beginning of Lesnar�s push was a lousy idea. It was a stupid decision and one that Austin was right in saying no to. Austin was equally right in saying no to doing a job to Coach at Taboo Tuesday and here�s why.

There is no one working in the WWE who has the popularity or drawing power of �Stone Cold� Steve Austin. The problem is that Austin only has a few (if that) matches left in him, his neck having succumbed to one to years of injuries and a botched Piledriver that ended his career years before it should have. Austin is like the super weapon you get in a video game with one or two charges in it. You don�t use it to blow away grunts, you save it for the bosses. Likewise with Austin. If the guy only has one or two matches left, you don�t put him into the ring against an announcer and you don�t use him on a small stage. How plans for Austin to face Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania XXII changed to Austin losing to Jonathon Coachman at Taboo Tuesday are just another example of how screwed up the WWE think tank really is.


Obviously financial motivation has to play a part in Austin�s decision to forego a meaningless match at Taboo Tuesday for a more rewarding match at Wrestlemania. If Austin only has a match or two left in him (and according to some reports, doctors have told Austin that he shouldn�t even consider wrestling one match), then he should make sure it�s one where he�s going to make some money. There�s nothing wrong with this because a money-making match for Austin means a considerable amount of money for the WWE too. It�s a mutually beneficial situation but one that only Austin seems to understand. Unfortunately the only way to get the WWE�s attention is by taking bold action such as Austin has done.



Uncle Ralph:
Look, I try not to get too worked up, but this is ridiculous. If the WWF had the Six Million Dollar Man under contract and they lost him, it was their own damn fault. Holy God, man. He was a major star of the TV back in the olden days. Give him whatever he wants to stick around. He wants to have sex with robots, well then you get off your ass and got get him some friggin' robots!



3)  Complete this statement.  In order to be a true competitor to WWE, TNA needs to...

 

Sandow: In order to be a true competitor to WWE, TNA needs to make a serious play for Christian and Chris Benoit, the former whose WWE contract has already expired and the latter whose contract will expire shortly. TNA let Mick Foley slip through its fingers (which I think was a mistake), but should not pass on the opportunity of picking up available �WWE� talent that lacks the stench of Rhino failure. Christian would be a great acquisition, but Chris Benoit would be a bona fide coup.

Benoit was WWE world champion just a little over a year ago, and had been put over on television by both HHH and Shawn Michaels. Recently, Benoit has been used to bring some prestige back to the United States title, defeating his predecessor in less than thirty seconds in a series of televised matches. Chris Benoit, upon entering TNA, would be perceived by fans as a star and not as a WWE reject, and is someone who could truly take the company to new heights by creating what would in effect be WWE-level TNA stars. The rumor is that Chris Benoit�s contract expires in three weeks and WWE gave him a low-ball renewal offer. Panda Energy has the financial wherewithal (and TNA itself can offer Benoit the creative freedom) to at least to make a serious play for Benoit. Benoit should be brought in as soon as possible, either immediately, or in three months if he has a 90 day non-compete clause in effect. Benoit should be the guy who beats Jeff Jarrett for the TNA title, and, three or six months later, Benoit should in turn drop the belt to either Monty Brown or Samoa Joe. At this point in Benoit�s career, he�d be much more valuable in making new stars (e.g., Joe, Styles, Aries, etc.) than in being the guy who the company builds around. He should get a short run with the title, and thereafter should strategically be used to �make� talent. It�s the perfect spot for Chris Benoit, and could create a perception of parity between the wrestling organizations more quickly than anything else that�s currently feasible.



Rickard:
Be patient. TNA needs to bide its time and grow its audience on Spike. They have the talent and they have the right wrestling mindset to succeed. What they need now, most of all is the time to show fans that they have an alternative to the WWE. As I�ve said before, there are a lot of wrestling fans out there who don�t watch wrestling because they don�t like the WWE and they think it�s the only product out there. There are lots of fans waiting to come back to wrestling if it�s done right. Right now TNA is doing things right and they just need time to get them back.

Edmund Burke once said patience will achieve more than force. It�s something TNA needs to recognize. They are not WCW. They cannot afford a bidding war with the WWE or any other type of war. Some people have suggested that TNA needs to make a bold move like running Impact against RAW but that is suicidal thinking. Despite the fact that TNA aired over two years of weekly PPV�s, their product is a new product in the eyes of many people. When WCW ran Nitro against RAW, they had the brand name recognition of World Championship Wrestling going with it. It�s possible that fans would tune out RAW and tune in to Impact in droves but it�s more likely that the WWE would take notice of Impact and do everything possible to crush it both on the air and behind the scenes.

While we�re discussing what TNA needs to do, let�s also discuss what they shouldn�t be doing:

1. Signing �big name� WWE superstars- sure it would be nice to have a Hulk Hogan, Brock Lesnar or Mick Foley on the show. The fact of the matter is that TNA does not have the cash to lure a major superstar. Even if they did, other than the name recognition, are they going to build a company around them? When I think about the WWE�s comeback against WCW, I don�t think of old-timers who got me to switch from WCW to WWE. What made me switch the channel was seeing guys like Austin, Mankind (Mick Foley), DX, and Triple H, home grown stars and guys who weren�t utilized properly in WCW. I see the same thing happening with TNA. They have an incredible amount of young talent who are at the points in their career where they could really break out and become �The Next Big Thing� � A.J. Styles, Christopher Daniels, and Samoa Joe.

2. Hotshot into the ratings- hot-shot booking may lead to temporary ratings increases but TNA needs to stay the course. It goes without saying that putting the belt on Samoa Joe at the Bound for Glory PPV would have pleased his fans from Ring of Honor but just like Austin wanted to wait until Lesnar had grown to superstar status before facing him, it�s better to introduce Joe to a bigger audience, build him up, and then run a money making program with the world champion.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it. Whether or not TNA uses it time effectively remains to be seen but patiently staying the course seems like the best way for TNA to become a true competitor to the WWE.



Uncle Ralph:
Well, I know one place they can start. There's this dog next door that barks all night. All night! He keeps me up and I scream, "Shut that dog up, you sons of bitches!" Still, that dog just barks. So, I would suggest that TNE could become a major competition to WWF if they came to my house and killed that friggin' dog. I don't care how they do it. Send Dixie Carter over with a rifle. Hell, send Rue McClanahan over with a baseball bat for all I care. Send em all. Just do me this one favor! Come on, TNT! What else have I ever asked of you!?

Like Ralph Waldo Entenmann's once said, "Go to Ralph's house and kill that f**kin' dog!"

***

Pick Up Beavis and Butthead Volume 1 on DVD

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A

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B

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Harley Race
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T

Sylvester Terkay
ECW's Tiffany
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V

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Nikolai Volkoff


W

Koko B. Ware
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Y

David Young
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Z

Larry Zybszko

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