Many people don’t know this, but I'm in the Hall of Fame. Your mother's Hall of Fame. Read More

Twas the night before Christmas, and all in my pants
I was fumbling, jumbling, all-in with both hands... Read More

There's a war on Christmas. I know this because I killed three people this morning while I was wearing a Santa hat. Read More

My sister-in-law tells me I have a substance abuse problem. I tell her that there's no substance to me at all and I'm actually really shallow. I grab her ass to prove this point and then play this song. .. Read More

So I kept asking everyone at the table, "Who is Mickey Nimage?! Who the hell is Mickey Nimage?!" But all anyone said was, "Please, mister, don't hurt us." Long story short - I walked into the wrong house. Read More

8pm is when this hot fried garbage begins. Go pause your Worlds of Warcraft and smoke your hashtags. Ralph's gonna get lit and blow this mutha out. Read More

TNA Michael Cole tells me to follow Dixie Carter on Twitter because she breaks news. But don't follow her in real life, because she also breaks wind. Read More

Ever notice how Dusty Rhodes's kids are in good shape for the most part? Think that's because he ate all the food in the house and left nothing for them but vegetables and beans? His partner is slimy Wade Barrett. When Wade Barrett has to grease a cookiesheet, he headbutts the pan. Read More

I watch Impact drunk. It's just what I do. I watch Impact drunk and think you should too.... Read More

I'm down now and drinking pretty heavily so let's cue up the VCR and watch the latest recording of Tough Enough. No one sells blank video tapes no more so I recorded over my second wedding. Read More

I like Sheamus. Know why? 'Cause that's what I say to drunken girls as they cry after having sex with me. I look at them and ask, "Shame, Miss?" Read More

So UFC 121 - "The Match, The Movie" is on Saturday.   UFC does Saturday night PPVs because they like for people to get drunk, have fun, and watch them.   WWE and the other company do PPVs on Sundays because they like people to watch them when they're all pissed off about school or work the next day.   Read More

Over the past five years, you've been touched by our Crazy Uncle Ralph.  Sorry about that. The foul mouthed boozehound joined the Insanity right at the start...whether we liked it or not.  His original spot on the site involved the most mismatched wrestling roundtable ever assembled.  It was October 16, 2005 and the world was about to experience the first ever editon of Sandow, Rickard, and Uncle Ralph... Read More

The best thing about being in jail with Lindsay Lohan is that Matt Dawgs ain't allowed to come here to bother me because she has that restraining order and everything. Read More

 Pass the pipe.   I gotta get lit for this nonsense.

Hey, Eve.   Call me, baby.   No one meets lowered expectations like Ralphie.   I've got a red rider BB gun, baby, and I'll shoot your eye out!   Awwww yeah. Read More

RICK MARTEL!   WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO MY FLOWERS?!

I don't know. Just saying. There's a shower and there's no cameras in there. None. Definitely no Micro Mini Spy CDC Color Board Camera. Come on. It'll be fun. You can use my soap.

At Breaking Point: Teddy Long screwed the Undertaker. He had to. Taker took him to dinner and Teddy ordered lobster. He knows the rules. Read More

So Mallory Mahling's not here this week. She called me up and goes, "Ralph. Column. Do it. Now!" Me? I said yes. Know why? She's hot. There. I said it. Hot. Read More

OK, so everyone's got this Facebook thing.   I don't.   I don’t use Facebook, Myspace, Myface, Spacebook, or Titter.   I use nothing.   Partially because I don't like them.   Partially because I'm on probation.    Read More

Yo!   Anyone have Michele McCool's cell number?   I wanna talk her into doing some of the "sexting" that 7^th graders are all raving about.

 Ev-i-dently, WWE's Hall of Fame isn't a real building.   It's just a ceremony.   People are inducted.   Everyone complains that it lasts too long.   Ric Flair cries.   That's the WWE Hall of Fame.

So Matt Dawgs calls me up, right?   He's had a bad week.   His owner ran away or something and he's all, "Ralph.   Ralph.   Can you do a column or something for me on Friday?   Oh, by the way, I wear pink panties."   So me?   I go yeah.   I'm good like that. Read More

Let me tell you something right now. On WWE TV, paternity suits and DNA tests may be reversible, but in real life they ain't. I know this. I know this firsthand.... Read More

Yo.  How are ya?  Good.  Good.  Rickard's not here tonight, but I am.  I'm here to get Extreme like ice cream on a tamborine.  You ready for a little real time ECDub?  Me too.  Stick witcha Uncle Ralph.  I'll give ya the ups, downs, ins, and outs of this crazy little thing called ECW on Sci-Fi Network.

Yeah, so anyway, I had a big welcome home party the other day and James Guttman goes, "Yo. You down with a little TNA?" Like a putz, I figured he was offering to take his uncle to a strip club or whatnot. You know. Get a little sumpin, sumpin. Silly me. He meant TNA. Total Nonstop Action. The wrestling company. Read More

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