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3/8 WWE RAW: WWI's Ongoing Coverage of a Magical Stop Along the Way to WrestleMania

By Mallory Mahling Mar 8, 2010 - 11:43 PM

Be sure to check back tonight after Raw for a brand new J.G.'s Raw Insanity.

And don't forget that Raw and TNA will be going head-to-head beginning tonight, and Jana Bulloch will be WWI's real-time Impact recapper. You'll need to keep your remote control handy to keep up with these dueling shows.

* * *

If you're in the Atlanta area this weekend, March 12 and 13, don't forget that our very own James Guttman will be moderating the Legends Mania Convention Q&A at the Sheraton Gateway Airport Hotel, 1900 Sullivan Road, Atlanta, Georgia 30337. Legends appearing will be The Rock & Roll Express, Demolition, The Midnight Express and Jim Cornette, Ivan and Nikita Koloff, Greg Gagne, Jim Brunzell, Ivan Putski, Tito Santana, The Armstrong Family, and MORE.

You can visit http://www.legendsmania.com for tickets or for additional information.

* * *

Welcome to WWI's ongoing coverage of Monday Night Raw, live from the Rose Garden Arena in Portland, Oregon.

Special guest host will be master illusionist, Criss Angel.

The show started with the tolling of The Undertaker's bell. YAY! Start the show with the big stuff--that'll show Impact who can make an "impact" on a Monday night.

'Taker addressed Shawn Michaels, saying HBK's life now has a dark cloud above it because of his obsession with UT. For HBK there will be no victory, just the dark cloud that will hover above his head for the rest of his life. In three weeks, HBK's career will REST IN ….  But before the Undertaker could finish that phrase, "Sexy Boy" hit. Guess HBK had one more thing to say.

He said he'd had an epiphany last week. For the first time ever, he become aware of fear in UT's cold dark heart. He warned 'Taker to choose his next words very carefully. He reminded UT that HBK had come very close to ending his career last year. "Nothing lasts forever," he said.

'Taker shot back by calling HBK desperate. There is so much on the line this year, and HBK proposed pinfall or submission. And HBK also promised to kick UT's teeth down his throat.

UT said this year that HBK would not be the Showstopper or Mr. WrestleMania. He may think he's the greatest, but on March 28, 'Taker will unleash the gates of hell and end HBK's career.

HBK countered that the dark cloud would be hanging over UT's head this time.

(Commercial break)

(1) Diva Match: Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim & Eve Torres vs. Alicia Fox, Maryse & Katie Lee.

For some reason, Michael Cole felt the need to list Gail Kim's athletic accomplishments, including badminton. Badminton? 

Eve managed to get Mo-reece to tap out and won the match for her team.

Backstage, Criss Angel was chatting with Hornswoggle, then did a magic trick for the Bellas and grossed them out by stitching up his face. Gillian joined them and volunteered to sing in Angel's show; he managed to render her silent. For that reason alone, he is the best guest host yet!

(Commercial break)

ShowMiz came out to mock John Morrison and R. Truth as their opponents for WrestleMania. They were the last truly great tag team in the WWE, insisted The Miz.

(2) ShowMiz vs. John Morrison & R. Truth in a non-title match.

The match ended in a DQ after Morrison and R. Truth totally dominated the champs just seconds into the match. If Miz and Big Show had been conscious, they could have eaten their arrogant words.

(Commercial break)

John Cena joined Josh Matthews to talk about his upcoming match with Mister McMahon. Cena was confident that Batista would interfere somehow.

Skip Sheffield, a NXT rookie, and Evan Bourne were trying to get on the good sides of Criss Angel and William Regal (Sheffield's coach). Angel performed some sort of convoluted mind trick on Regal and Sheffield. Yawn. I take back the nice things I said about him earlier.

Legacy headed to the ring for their match, and Randy Orton attacked them on the ramp. Imagine that.

(Commercial break)

(3) Two-on-One Handicap Match: Legacy vs. Orton.

The match started with Orton "schooling" Legacy. Cody Rhodes did a good job of turning the tables, til Orton tossed him out of the ring. As the match went to the break, Ted DiBiase was caught sneaking up on Orton.

(Commercial break)

Back from the break, and Orton was in charge. Ted dropkicked Orton on the floor and Orton was loopy enough to get pummeled by Cody. Orton got his second wind, and resumed the stomp fest. Orton was transfixed by the large WrestleMania sign hanging over the ring and found himself pinned by Ted DiBiase. Cody took a turn, too, effectively severing their ties with Orton.

Josh Matthews asked Batista's thoughts on McMahon's match with John Cena. Batista insisted that he had no plans to interfere.

NEXT MONDAY NIGHT, STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN WILL RETURN AS THE GUEST HOST.

(Commercial break)

(Triple H has gone back to his Shroud of Turin entrance pose, which is much more age-appropriate than DX and corny jokes.) He headed to the ring with a bone to pick with Sheamus. But Sheamus couldn't even let Triple H finish his statement. Triple H reminded him that he had not made a name for himself yet, and recounted all the stars he, himself, had helped to make at past WrestleManias. And all the ones he'd sent back to obscurity. Sheamus looked conflicted, then the two went after each other. Sheamus finally rolled out of the ring and got out of Dodge.

Was Triple H giving Sheamus a chance to be immortal at WrestleMania?

Santino, the Italian, was boasting to Angel about his family relationship to Harry Houdini, who was not the tiniest bit Italian. Ya know, wrestling and magic tricks just don't go together.

(Commercial break)

(4) Money-In-The-Bank Ladder Match: Evan Bourne vs. William Regal.

Christian, who has already qualified for the MITB Match, joined the announcers. As Christian talked, his protégé, with him at ringside, looked at his watch. What's he bored about?

Evan Bourne, with an Air Bourne to Regal, qualified for the spot at WrestleMania.

(Commercial break)

Next week is going to be WrestleMania Re-Wind night in honor of Stone Cold, along with the official Contract Signing for the McMahon/Hart match.

Mister McMahon was headed to the ring with a smirk on his face.

(5) Mister McMahon vs. John Cena.

Criss Angel, the magician of the century (his description), was special guest ring announcer. (When in doubt, scream into the microphone.)

McMahon announced the rules of the match once he got into the ring: A handicap gauntlet match. Up first was Vladimir Koslov. McMahon tagged in once Vlad had flattened Cena. Drew McIntyre was next, and McMahon nearly pinned Cena, the key word being nearly. Jack Swagger was next.

(Commercial break)

Back from the break and Cena was about to give Swagger a 5-knuckle shuffle, but Swagger accepted a tag from McMahon. McMahon tried several times to pin Cena, but he kept getting a shoulder up.

McMahon called for the next person, and Mark Henry gave it his best shot. McMahon was getting frustrated that Cena could not be pinned and called for a no DQ match. McMahon picked up the ring bell, and things didn't look good for Cena.

McMahon insisted that Mark Henry use the ring bell on Cena, but he refused.

Suddenly Batista was in the ring and trying to even the odds for Cena. Kofi Kingston came out next and got a Batista Bomb for his trouble.

Cena finally saw what was going on, and figured Batista was interfering on behalf of McMahon. But was he? As the show ended, Batista called for the lights to dim and he roared at the ceiling.  What was that meant to mean?

Aside from a lame guest host whose only talent was shutting Gillian up, the show was pretty darn good.

Is there going to be a ratings war between the two wrestling shows?  I'm confident in saying that next week Raw will own the ratings with the return of Stone Cold Steve Austin and a guest appearance by Bret Hart.

 

 

 


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