Raw
RDLee's WWE Monday Night Raw Real Time - It's John Cena Versus The World
By RDLee
Jul 12, 2010 - 8:43 PM

I'm gonna try something new tonight. During every match I will simulate it on Smackdown v.s. Raw 2010 and post the results of each afterwards. Sounds fun doesn't it? 

I am super tired so let's get this party started before I fall asleep.

What the HELL? Jim Ross has been omitted from the opening. His "The World Is Watching" bit is replaced by "The Champ Is Here" from Cena. That is totally uncalled for and stupid. We found out at the top of the show that Cena injured Darren Young so tonight's match against Nexus will be a 6 on 1 handicap match now. Cena hit the ring and ran down Sheamus. He said he would beat Sheamus in their steel cage match for the WWE title this Sunday at the Money In The Bank PPV. After John babbled on for another minute the Nexus appeared on stage in their new "N" logo t-shirts. Cool. Wade Barrett tore into Cena until the GM chimed in. Michael Cole hit the podium only to get booed by the crowd. The GM said that if anyone from the RAW locker room interferes they will be suspended for 90 days. But also if the Nexus doesn't play by the rules and tag in and out they too can be suspended for 90 days.

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Alicia Fox v.s. Gail Kim

Since Alicia isn't in SVR 2010 I put Maria Kanellis in her place for the sim. Eve was the guest commentator for this bout. Eve talked about how she shouldn't have shown sympothy last week when Alicia faked her ankle injury. Average diva's match with Alicia hitting the Axe kick to pick up the win. The GM buzzed in after the match ended before Eve hit the ring. Eve is awarded a Diva's title match this Sunday at MITB.

Winner in real life: Alicia Fox

Winner in SVR 2010: Gail Kim (after hitting her finisher)

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The Hart Dynasty v.s. The Uso's and Tamina

Another match that I don't have the characters to use for SVR so I replaced the Harts with my CAW and teamed him with Natayla to take on Carlito and Mickie James representing the Uso's and Tamina. I don't understand why they keep doing this 6 person tag team match so much. This Sunday we will see the Uso's get a Unified Tag Team Title shot. I hope the Harts can win this and move on to face a more defined team. Jimmy or Jay (?) picked up the win after hitting a Superfly Splash on Canadian Bulldog.

Winners in real life: The Uso's and Tamina

Winners in SVR 2010: RDLee and Natalya (by way of submission via Sharphooter)

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Backstage we saw Wade Barrett and Chris Jericho chatting about stuff. Barrett shook his hand and walked into Yoshi Tatsu who was all alone. Barrett asked him why he thought he was a tough guy last week. Tatsu said Cena was his friend. Yoshi turned around and the Nexus was standing there. David Otunga layed him out with vicious knees to the midsection.

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Ted Dibiase came out in a suit with Maryse who held the ropes open for Teddy like a nice slave. Ted introduced them as the Million Dollar couple. He meant him and the Money in the Bank briefcase. Maryse was not amused. John Morrison interupted them and came out to the ring. to get some rare mic time. John said that the french don't take showers. Maryse got in his face and spouted out french. Morrison translated it for the crowd and said something stupid about her being a duckbilled platapus. Teddy attacked John who fought back and missed the Starship Pain when Maryse pulled Dibiase out of harm's way. Pointless segment.

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They did a Brady Bunch segment with Santino and Florence Henderson complete with the dubbed in audience laughter. William Regal interupted and tried to make a joke but got no laughter. Flourence said he wasn't funny. Regal said the Partidge Family was better, Flo slapped him across the face. Santino tried to kiss her. UGH.... Why do I watch this shit anymore?

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Edge v.s. Randy Orton

Uh, I am at a loss for words at how average this match was. I was bored as hell. Jericho came out and distracted Orton which allowed Edge to hit the sitout reverse x-factor move for the quick win. After the match Jericho snuck in and hit the Codebreaker on Edge but turned around into an RKO from Orton. Evan Bourne hit the ring and landed a roundhouse kick on Orton and went for the Airborne but Orton caught him mid-air and nailed a NASTY RKO to save the segment for me.

Winner in real life: Edge

Winner in SVR 2010: Edge (after hitting a Spear)

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Backstage we had Skip Sheffield speak to Josh Matthews about The Nexus going back to NXT tomorrow night. Skip blew him off and kept walking until John Morrison bumped into him. Skip told him to watch were he is walking, the rest of Nexus showed up behind him and beat down Morrison in a very brutal way.

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Miz came out and ran down R-Truth. The GM buzzed in and announced Mark Henry as Truth's replacement for the PPV.

They teased Roddy Piper as the GM with his catchphrase being used at the end.

The Miz v.s. Mark Henry

Not much of a match as Miz threw Henry into the GM podium and then dumped arena trash on his prone body on the outside.

No Contest

Winner in SVR 2010: Mark Henry (after landing the World's Strongest Slam)

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Florence Henderson was introduced and came out to the Brady Bunch theme music to introduce the next match.

The Regal Bunch (William Regal, Zack Ryder, Primo, and Doink The Clown) v.s. The Sanito Bunch (Santino Marella, Vladimir Kozlov, The Great Khali and Goldust)

I don't know how much more wrestling I can stomach these days, this might be an all time low for me. I love most of the guys involoved in the match but this is just pathetic. Florence walked around the outside with Regal's jacket on which allowed Santino to finally hit the Cobra which Regal sold like a moron. Santino tagged in Khali who faced off with Doink who blinded him with a water gun until Khali clobbered him with the big overhand chop. Santino went in for another kiss but Flo ducked him and made out with Khali instead. I'm sooooooo glad this is over.

Winners in real life: The Santino Bunch

Winners in SVR 2010: NONE because I didn't sim this waste of time!

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Edge cut a promo about how he will win MITB match this Sunday. Evan Bourne was getting iced by the trainer when Sheamus approached and mocked him for being hurt. The Nexus approached them and Sheamus told them to take care of him. Nexus beat Evan up and left him laying. Sheamus came back and mocked him again but the Nexus walked up on Sheamus and faked attacking him. Sheamus turned and ran away looking for Cena. What a great way to make your champion look like a badass WWE.

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Handicap Match - John Cena v.s. The Nexus

This is a 6 on 1 match because Cena took out Darren Young last week. The Nexus must play by the rules or they will be suspended and if any WWE superstar helps Cena they will too be suspended for 90 days. Nexus tagged in and out nonstop keeping themselves fresh. If Cena wins this I am going to reconsider my WWE viewing habits for a while. Cena hit a 5 Knuckle Shuffle on Barrett who recovered and tagged out to Skip Sheffield who clobbered Cena with his Clothesline from Hell. David Otunga came in and hit hit Spinebuster and then finally tagged out to Justin Gabriel who won the match with his 450 degree splash. After the match the Nexus teased another attack but Cena burst out of the ring and grabbed a steel chair. Nexus regrouped and surrounded the ring. Sheamus ran out with a chair of his own in hand and helped run Nexus off.

Winners in real life: The Nexus

Winners in SVR 2010: John Cena (really.... )