Priceless begins working over Batista. Question: why would Batista really care whether he wins or loses here? Either way, he's going to have fight three men. And either way, he's guaranteed a title shot on Sunday. I mean, am I wrong on this? It's either "fight 2 guys, then 1 guy" or "fight 2 guys, then 3 guys". Either way, it kind of sucks to be Dave.

It takes Batista several minutes to start gaining momentum here, but when he does, the former Evolution enforcer cleans house. Rhodes tries to bash Batista with a chair, but the referee sees Batista with it and his hand and calls for the DQ. As the kids like to say on Twitter, #fail.

Winners: Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes by disqualification.

Match # 2: Maryse (w/Divas Title) and Jillian Hall (with terrible voice) vs. Mickie James (w/hat) and Kelly Kelly (w/absolutely nothing)

Pre-match Divas Champion Maryse says some stuff in French (probably a shout out to yours truly). Honestly, I didn't even know Jillian was involved in this match until the bell rang.

Just to want to give a shout out to my Tweep @mbish86 who just won a little contest of mine on Twitter (another reason you should follow me there!). This man should have a gimmick of some sort. Anyways... should be a good one... #insidejoke

While I was typing all that, Mickie James pinned Maryse for the second week in a row.

Winners: Mickie James and Kelly Kelly

Backstage, Extreme Josh Matthews interviews Randy Orton, but the Legend Killer is interrupted by Ted DiBiase. The Million Dollar Brat tells Randy that "Cody is gone! Cody is gone!". Orton gets frustrated and tells the camera to back off, as we cut to commercial.

Backstage, Chavo Guerrero decides that if John Cena is going to be "medically cleared" to face The Big Show on Sunday, it's only fair that he faces The Miz tonight.

Lawler and Cole are in the ring for some reason talking about the Judgment Day lineup. Rey Mysterio vs Chris Jericho is the only new matchup announced.

Backstage (again), Randy Orton and Ted DiBiase are looking for Cody Rhodes. Randy finds him, but then they have a new problem: Batista has ambushed DiBiase and injured him. Oh, that sneaky Batista, what a cerebral assassin he can be at times....

Mr. Kennedy (KEN-NE-DY) is coming soon to Raw! Which means that he'll also be injured soon.

By the way, I think I may have started shit on Twitter between Joey Styles and Aaron Wood. Check out http://twitter.com/canadianbulldog for details...

Match # 3: Carlito (w/ Primo) vs. The Brian Kendrick (w/ No One)

Is Primo injured or something? Weird... Otherwise, what's the point of having unified tag team champions for all three brands?

The Brian gets a quick victory by using the ropes for leverage. Post-match, Spanky takes the mic. He's looking for a partner to wipe out those nasty Colons (ewwww). When he finds someone, he guarantees he'll be one half of the tag team champions.

Winner: The Brian Kendrick

Another shout-out, this time to @RDLee and his lovely wife Julie. You want a cheap plug, Charlie? Hit me up on Twitter and we'll see what we can do for you too.

The Big Show makes his way to ringside (cue CAUB co-host The Liz singing "Welllllllll, it's The Big Show..."). Lawler and Cole and utterly confused by this development. He sits on the ringside table, blocking Cole's view completely. LOVE IT!

Match # 4: John Cena vs. The Miz (Exhibition Match)

The match can only be stopped by Vickie Guerrero. Cena is still kinda pretending to be hurt. FAKER! How much could getting thrown into a 7,000-watt searchlight possibly hurt?

The Miz cuts what was actually a nice little promo on Cena, making fun of Cena's movies, rap album, WWF Ice Cream Bar, etc. I can see this guy getting a huge push soon enough.

The story of this match is Cena keeping his eyes on TBS at ringside instead of taking care of Miz "The Miz" Mizzington (my old "Inside The Ropes" nickname for him... wow, that takes me back).

Shockingly, just as Cena starts to gain major momentum, Vickie comes on the big screen and says she's "Cena Nuff". Ha ha. Get it? While Cena's distracted, Miz nails Cena with a DDT, and leaves the ring victoriously.

Winner: The fans?

Backstage, Rhodes and Orton chat. It's up to The Son Of A Son Of A Plumber (and Brother Of A Cross-Dresser) to take the fight to Batista before he can do the same to them. See, this is where having goofs like Manu and Sim Snuka in Legacy would have come in handy....

Backstage, Chavo and Vickie Guerrero forces Santina Marella to kiss Rosa Mendes to prove that she's really Santino Marella. But she's not, she's just a lesbian. Cole and Lawler laugh WAY too much for this segment.

Also backstage, Cody Rhodes tracks down someone in the boiler room, but unfortunately it's just Hornswoggle. Then a shadowy figure sneaks up on Cody. This is like the worst horror movie ever. No, wait, it's even worse than See No Evil. Anyways, Batista is behind CodeDust and gives him a beating.

Match # 5: Beth Phoenix (w/ Rosa Mendes) vs. Santina Marella

Wow, talk about sexual tension. This match would be a main-event in any arena in the country.

Beth overpowers Santina to start (big shock), although Santina IS quite funny when she screams in pain. Just as thinks are going The Glamazon's way, Santina puts her in his patented small package....

That's what she said.

... and gets the win.

Winner: Santina Marella

Backstage, Extreme Josh Matthews wants to know how John Cena can overcome The Big Show at Judgment Day, which I keep typing as Judgment Show for some reason. Cena cuts a promo that might as well be subtitled "America - F*ck Yeah!" Anyways, yada yada yada - He's gonna win at Judgment Show. Day! Judgment Day! Damn...

MVP comes out to the first-ever Raw VIP Lounge. He calls out William Regal, and refers to him as a chick or something. Regal tells Montel he represents America quite well - he's arrogant, he's misguided, and he's despised by everyone else in the world. REGAL FTW! CAN-A-DA! CAN-A-DA!

This somehow brings out Matt Hardy, who is taking the character of "whiner" quite nicely. V1 says that as soon as his hand heals, he, not Regal, should be the first person to get a U.S. Title shot. This brings out Kofi Kingston, who ambushes Hardy.

THAT brings out Chavito, who says that on behalf of his aunt, we're getting Regal and Hardy versus Kingston and MVP... next!

Match # 6: Matt Hardy and William Regal vs. Kofi Kingston and MVP

Just thought I'd give a plug here to http://twitter.com/ClubWWI , but if indeed is Aaron Stupid Wood manning the site at the moment, then I'll flip him the bird instead.

Hardy and Regal dominate early on (and actually aren't a bad old-school heel team, come to think of it). They're still focusing on the Matt Hardy is injured angle, which has legs to it (but only one arm).

Kofi places face-in-peril for a while, until he can tag out to MVP, who is just crazy over tonight. I like how they didn't ignore the history between Matt and MVP. Matt leaves because of "injury", while MVP nails the Playmaker on Regal for the win.

Winners: Kofi Kingston and MVP

Match # 7: Randy Orton (without Legacy) vs. Batista (without hair)

Pre-match, Orton cuts a promo. Big Dave made his point. Still - there's no need for fisticuffs, what with Judgment Day just six days away (call your local cable operator now). But Batista walks alone, and makes his way to the ring.

Batista dominates to start, nailing Orton with a number of clotheslines and spinebusters. Then he takes a chair (this time, by his own doing) and starts smashing it over the back of Randy Orton. Hey, he couldn't win the title anyways, so a smart move, I guess.

Then Batista slams the chair over Orton's ankle, payback to what Legacy did to Super Shane O'Mac last week.  Big Dave grabs the steel steps and prepares to Pillmanize Orton's ankle (or is that Ortonize Pillman's ankle?)

DiBiase and Rhodes materialize from nowhere (I thought they were too injured to fight?), but the three of them are no match for an angry Batista. The Animal grabs the steps and tosses them out of the ring, only a foot or two away from Randy's head. Nice!

We get the obligatory post-match, pre-PPV staredown and the show is over. Thanks for reading, and don't forget to start following me at http://twitter,com/canadianbulldog

Be sure to check back tomorrow afternoon for World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News. And after that, you'll definitely want to order Bulldog's book at http://inside_the_ropes.tripod.com/thanksforthecompliment .