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Aaron Wood's R(eal Time)AW Coverage: RAW Iz Wizzle, Fo' Shizzle,,,
By Aaron Wood
Well hello my Gathering... Mallory can't be with us tonight, as JG CLAIMS she's on jury duty, but does anyone else find it suspicious that WWI's resident lawyer, Mike Rickard is also unavailable??? Anyway, Mallory's felonious side apart, it's time for another Monday Night Rizzle. Rizzle, you say? Well, yes! That would be because tonight's Gizzle Hizzle is none other than Snoop Dogg! Snoop Dogg on a PG show! Let's see how far they can push it, aside from Santino Marella not getting Snoop's language and messing it up alot.
Anyway, join me as I demote myself to the WWE's B-Show for the night. Also, don't forget you can chat about RAW as it happens in the forums! I should be able to throw up updates during the ad breaks, so they'll be a little quicker than PPV nights. Also, if SOMEHOW you aren't watching the highest-rated show of the week, head over to ClubWWI.com right now and listen to a bunch of great stuff, including, but not necessarily limited to my Yak Trak for Episode 40 of Florida Championship Wrestling, and if JG has been kinda enough, Episode 41 as well, since I sent it to him earlier today. But that might be a tomorrow thing... See you at the first break! We're kicking of this week's shizzle with a cold open a J RO~! introduces Snoop Dogg with the laundry list of stuff he's done. That really necessary? It's not like no-one's heard of him. Anyway, he gets an Eddie-like entrance in a pink car with RIMS~! He also has the new RAW Divas, The Bella Twins and Eve, with him. Just awesomely funny seeing kids with Snoop signs. Snoop says that he's honoured to be hosting tonight, and is a huge fan. He said it's all business tonight, nothign personal, but knows RAW will embarrass Smackdown on Sunday. And since it might be John Cena's last night, he's fighting HHH. But since th other white meat is facing Hunter, Orton is fight as well, and he's fighting the guy who pinned him last week, Ted Dibiase. And a couple of co-captains are squaring off as Chris Jericho faces Shawn Michaels! Both Rockers on this week's show?!?!?!?! But enough of me, how about some Degenerizzle X??? I may as well admit right now that assuming they appear at the RAW in England in a few weeks, the second this theme hits, I'm marking out like a lil' bitch. The Team RAW head honchos come out and put off the other guy with the D-O-Double-G in his name, as HHH notes that as required by law, when white guys follow Snoop, they have to talk like him badly, which Shawn is entirely adept at. After proving how white-bred they were, they talked PPV. This Sunday's funnily enough. They had put their team together and they'd be facing Team Smackdown. The better team flashed up on screen. HHH noted Jericho, who DX had both beaten at Wrestlemania's. They mention Kane and cheekily mention KATIE VICK~!!! They talk Cryme Tyme, claiming they were scalpers. Next was ummm...the guy whose they they couldn't remember. And the other two new guys they had never heard of. What did Teddy Long do? Have a jellybean counting contest? HBK stepped in and said they can't talk about future guys like that. Michaels put over Drew McIntyre. However, he got kinda stuck with Eric Escobar. Makes sense since both members of DX are bhind Drew's push. They finally remember Escobar, saying he's the biggest, toughest guy they know since he's boffing Vickie Guerrero. HHH said if you're gonna sleep your way to the top, make sure they weigh less then you. HBK noted HHH knew somehting about that. HHH introduced the rest of Team RAW, bringing out the World's Biggest Athlete Big Show, The World's Strongest Man Mark Henry, The World's Most African Jamaican Kofi Kingston, The World's Most American American JACK SWAGGAH~! and The World's Most Grandson Of A Plumber Cody Rhodes. HBK went down the line, but stopped when he got to Cody and turned away, prompting Cody to jump in. Cody said he wasn't going to listen to them this Sunday, DX were captains in name-only and if it were down to talent, he'd be captain himself. And hell, he could probably beat Smackdown by himself. Big Show stepped up and said he can dog DX, but if he, or anyone thinks about letting Team RAW down, he's taking them out. Henry asked if it was a threat, saying if it was, they'd have a problem. Swagger jumped in saying he was athletically miles ahead, so they should just step back. Kofi got on a mic and tried to play peacekeeper saying they can't afford to fight amongst themselves. And he did it without a hint of a Jamaican accent. And indeed, HHH wondered where his accent went! Never say HHH isn't observant. HBK said that they knew this would happen, so they had arranged a 5 vs. 5 tag match for the rest of them. And if any of them lose, they were the Weakest Link, so goodbye, and the person who pins them gets their spot. And it's later tonight...as in a few minutes from now... The prospective spot stealers came out as we hits the ads. Big Show, Mark Henry, Kofi Kingston, Jack Swagger & Cody Rhodes vs. MVP, Chavo Guerrero, Chris Masters, Primo & Evan Bourne We come back with Chavo making Kofi his bee-yatch. Kofi avoids a corner charge and hits the top rope punches. Kofi gets excited, leading Henry and Show to both tag Kofi. They argue, leading to Cody tagging in instead. MVP comes in for his team and works in some shots, but Cody telegraphs a backdrop. Cody ends up in the wrong corner and Evan Bourne tags in. A crossbody is rolled thorugh and Cody grabs a side headlock. Cody doesn't look to tag and Bourne comes back to block a suplex and tag primo. Primo comes in and goes to work Side Russian by Primo, but Cody avoids the backdrop. Rhodes hit CrossRhodes, but Swagger blind tagged in and picked up the pin! WINNERS - TEAM RAW Swagger and Cody have words and Jack dumps Cody out. Kofi was downed between the fat guys. Henry dumps out Swagger while Show spears Henry. Also, at the end of the match, Lawler noted he would be annoucing on Smackdown this week. So it'll be JR & Lawler once again! If you didn't know, Grisham is getting married this week and will be on his honeymoon. Anyway, Cole & Lawler talk about last week's Legacy dissention with DiBiase pinning Orton. We cut backstage to Joish Matthews and Ted DiBiase. Ted claims there's no problem with Randy but admits Randy hasn't returned his calls. Orton slips in and asks about the betrayal last week. Ted asked if he wouldn't have done the same thing. Randy said that he were Ted, he would have listened carefully. They were about have a match, but don't bother fighting back. Because if he did, he'd regret it the rest of his life. And it's next! We come back with Ted DiBiase in the ring, pondering his dilemma of whether to fight Orton or not. Randy Orton vs. Ted DiBiase Orton is positivley speedy in hitting the ring this week. This really must be a packed show. Orton gets in Ted's face for a staredown. The bell rings and Orton awaits Ted's decision. Bored, he kicks ed in the gut and waits for him to get up. Orton gives him an uppercut and you can see Ted WANTS to fight in his right mind, but will he? Orton kicks TD2 down and Ted is positively seething. Orton tells Ted to think about it before stomping on him. Orton goads Ted asking if Ted wants to hit Orton or not. DiBiase gets back up, and the crowd wants to see Ted put one in Orton's kisser. Orton piefaces him and the crowd gets louder. Another pieface and a third with the crowd getting louder. Ted finally has enough and shoves Orton down. The crowd explodes, but DiBiase doesn't follow up. The crowd is chanting for Ted, but he's frozen in his spot, still conflicted about what to do. Orton stares a hole in him, and Ted begins to back down and wimp out of it. Orton makes Ted look at him before hitting the RKO for the three count. WINNER - Randy Orton Tell me that sucked. Go on, I dare you. On the road to Ted's babyface turn, this was an awesome bit of drama. Cole and Lawler hype the Ironman match as Orton holds up his belt. We then see them as they talk about the loss of Captain Lou Albano. As I thought on Friday night, they had a video ready for tonight. Mike Rickard had an article up earlier about him. Rest In Peace Lou Albano. You and your type will be sadly missed. We go to the adverts with the audience applauding him. We come back having missed something American. Apparently HHH vs. Cena is next, as we see the Jacksonville Jaguars. Cole sends it to a clip of Snoop Dogg's new video, Gangsta Luv. Almost NONE of which features Snoop rapping. We cut to Snoop and the girls as they pimp his CD. Hornswaggle walks in and Snoop tells the little guy to do what he was told to do. Chavo walks in and talks smack. Horny leaves and Chavo asks to be part of Team RAW. The Guest Hosts keep over-looking him. He's part of wrestling royalty. Jillian rocks up and wants a rematch before she starts singing. Santino walks in...dressed as CHARLIE BROWN!!! He makes some peanuts references. Snoop tells them to do something that is censored. Snoop asks Eve to get THAT bag. He thinks it's time to light up, which brings a comedy test-card with Cole and Hornswaggle photoshopped on it. Snoop says he loves his stash...of scented candles, as we see them. *rimshot* Coming up tonight, Jericho vs. Michaels. We cut backstage to see John Cena trying to hide behind a scissor-lift in contemplation of his possible last match on RAW. John Cena vs. HHH Cena heads out as we come back. Cole wonders if, after 5 years, this could be Cena's last night on RAW. My guess would be "Not bloddy likely". they tease Cena leaving by leaving a gap before HHH comes out (to his own music) and I think I've kinda missed HHH's usual entrance amongst the DX return. Coel said this could be a Wrestlemania main event. Hasn't it been already??? Like, WM 22? Cena looks for an early finish, but HHH slips out of the Attitude Adjustment and slips away. Lawler notes this is just the FOURTH one on one match between the 2. Cena blocks a hiptoss with one of his own for a 2 count. Cena counters a side headlock a top wristlock, but Hunter gets out of it and takes control in the corner. Cena comes back with shots though. HHH is whipped across, but he comes right back with a clothesline for a 2 count. HHH takes a turn at whipping Cena into the corner, whipping him hard a couple of times. He picks up a 2 count off the second one. Cena is whipped hard again, and Hunter looks to finish, but Cena counters and whips HHH into the corner, sending The Game over the top and out to the floor as we take a break. We're back and Cena is down. HHH picks him up for a backbreaker for a 2 count. During the break, HHH knocked Cena off the apron onto the announce desk. Cena gets a shot in to start a slugfest. The crowd can't quite decide to YAY!/BOO! for, so Cena puts an end to hit with a shoudler block, but he missed another one. HHH has to slip out the Attitude Adjustment after Cena played possum and he chop blocked HHH. Cena suckered HHH and looked for the STF, but Helmsley was too near the ropes. HHH booted Cena on a charge, but Cena hit the Protoplex. HHH shoved off of the bulldog though. HHH looked for the Pedigree, but Cena slipped out and locked in the STF! HHH powered up and looked to crawl for the ropes though. Cena saw it coming and dragged HHH back, but HHH scrambled for the ropes before Cena could lock it on again. HHH hit the Pedigree out of nowhere! But Cena got his foot on the rope! And NOW is the time they go to a commercial break??? HHH is again in control upon our return, and this time, he whipped Cena into the steel steps to take control. Cena looked for the Attitude Adjustment. That was blocked and HHH put on the sharpshooter. Cena teased tapping, but nutted up instead as we saw Randy Orton watching on the monitor as Cena grabbed the bottom rope. Lawler noted this match was almost 18 minutes old. Cena began to build momentum with his usual offence. Shoulder blocks and the ProtoBomb. Five Knuckle Shuffle connects, but HHH slips out the Attitude Adjustment. HHH hits the high knee and then the facebuster and clothesline. AA Spinebuster by Hunter. HHH waits for Cena and looks to hit the Pedigree again, and indeed connects! But Cena kicks out at 2!!! HHH couldn't believe it, but Cena caught HHH with an Attitude Adjustment. ONLY TWO! Very close, but only a near fall there... Cena went up top, but HHH moved out the way of the leg drop. They teased finishers, but Cena ended up taking a third pedigree, and this time, he og this three count. WINNER - HHH Great TV match there. You gotta wonder why they gave a full match like this away for free though. But then again, there's the tease for the smarts, because it suggests to them they're moving Cena. But they ain't. They don't even measure Smackdown's ratings any more! HHH waits for Cena to get up and shake his hand, as Cena has a think about what's just happened. They stay on Cena to continue teasing that this could be Cena's last night on RAW. We cut back Orton who is sneering and seething at the TV, as Cena leaves the ring and heads up the ramp while Lawler says "Thanks John..." Thank him next Monday when he comes out with the belt. Still to come. A guy who this year changed to short trunks vs. a former Rocker. I'll leave you to decide which match was announced. That said, at this point, I'm wondering if the spoiler news that was up earlier is now redundant. We return to THE MIZ~! Once again, Cole laments having to support The Miz on Sunday in his match with John Morrison. Miz is set to face a jobber, but Snoop gets on the TitanTron and calls out Miz for bad-mouthing Marty Jannetty on Smackdown, and guess who your opponent is? The Miz vs. MARTY JANNETTY~! Jannetty looks in pretty good shape here actually. Miz mauls him in the corner, but Marty gets a schoolboy for a 2 count. Marty works the crowd as they get into it. Marty ducks a clothesline, but is whipped into the corner and SMASHED with a clothesline that turns him inside out. Miz locks on a chinlock. Marty counters it with a back suplex before slipping in the ring from the apron and hitting a back elbow. Jannetty gives Miz a backdrop and heads up to the middle rope to hit a fist drop. Jannetty looks for a Playmaker, but Miz counters wwith a Stungun and then hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the win. WINNER - The Miz Nice little match. I'm assuming Marty faces Morrison on Friday, and that could be good. Could be very good. Anyway, we go to Cole & Lawler, as they talk about the new computer game, as they pimp out the idea of CREATING WRESTLERS! Seriously, they push that aspect hard. In fact, it's the ONLY thing they push about it. We see Chavo & Jillian in discussion, but it's not a mixed tag as Jerry says the Divas title is on the line. But then again, given that this is Chavo, it might be a mixed tag after all... Melina vs. Jillian Hall for the Divas Title Jillian is already in the ring as they finally announce the Divas match. It's Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim and Melina vs. Michelle McCool, Natalya and Beth Phoenix in a trios match. However, if Jillian wins here, she gets Melina's spot. Chavo, who is at ringside, gets on the apron to distract everyone, and it allows Jillian to take control. Melina is whipped into the corner, but the cartwheel back albow is blocked by Melina. Chavo again gets on the apron, but Hornswaggle, dressed as a rapper, pulled Chavo off, allowing Melina to hit her drop thing for the win. WINNER & STILL CHAMPION - Melina Chavo grabs Hornswaggle as Melina runs away. Snoop Dogg comes out and shoves down the Little Bastard. Chavo gets in Snoops's face, but Snoop shoves Chavo over Hornswaggle. Snoop and Chavo set to fight, and Snoop ducks a shot and spears Guerrero out of his boots. The rest of the RAW Divas come out for a bit of a dance with the them. Snoopswaggle busts a moves like a Mofo. Lawler & Cole pimp out a new series on the USA Network on Friday nights. Unfortunately it's not called Smackdown. It's called White Collar and has (probably) bugger all to do with wrestling. No, just the latest in the line of crime dramas with a wacky gimmick. We come back as Cole & Lawler talk about the Ironman match on Sunday, which sends it to a video. Pretty damn awesome video actually, dating all the way back to 2007 with Orton booting Cena Sr. Pretty cool song they used too. Sounds a bit like U2, but I'm not sure it was. This leads to Cole & Lawler in the ring as they talk about the main events. I would assume, all things being well, I'll be covering the real time for that as well. Team Smackdown's Chris Jericho is walking RAW's halls as we take a break. Next week, your guest hosts are Kyle Busch and Joey Lagano from NASCAR. No, I don't know who they are either. I'd have rather had David Arquette after all... Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels As the overrun just about begins, Jericho makes his way out. it really has been a packed show in the end. HBK is next as I realise his neckerchief is actually a sweatband. Jericho ducks out the ring before the bell and takes a microphone. Jericho said he could knock HBKizzle out right now, but he doesn't have to. He could send Team RAW a message, but he doesn't have to. Smackdown as a big advantage in him. He used his leadership skills, intelligence and moxie to assemble a team with one modus operandi. To embarrass and defeat Team RAW. And that starts right now... And he meant the whole team, as Cryme Tyme made their way out through the crowd to hit the ring. HBK wisely left the ring, but then Kane's music hit. Kane also came through the crowd along with the rest of the team. Team Smackdown stood in the ring as Kane set off his pyro. Jericho said while Team RAW argued... While Jericho promoed, DX's music hit as HHH led out the rest of Team RAW. RAW hit the ring as we had a standoff.HHH stood forward with a mic to congratulate Jericho in doing the impossible. Jericho managed make RAW realise there was one thing they could agree on. They don't like him. They don't like his team. They don't like his show. And while they may have walked on the show, they're abnout to get thrown off. EXCUSE ME!!! Vickie Guerrero piped up and came out on the stage, looking quite the cougar in a Smackdown shirt. She could see where this was going and as an official consultant for Team Smackdown, she wasn't going to allow any fisticuffs. If DX wanted a fight, it'd have to wait until Sunday. She ordered Team Smackdown to leave. HHH said Jericho heard her. Go on, get to steppin'. Wouldn't want to get in trouble, would ya? Oh wait, they are. RAW doesn't work for Vickie. And the mass brawl ensued as the show went off the air.
Alphabetical Listing of Guests You Can Hear on...
Lance
Cade D-Ray
3000 Bobby
Eaton Manny
Fernandez Greg Gagne Chalie
Haas B.G.
James
Rodney
Mack One
Man Gang Harley
Race Dave Taylor
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