Commercial Break.

One of the 50 guys in the broadcast booth tells me that the winner of the next match will get two Draft picks for their brand.   Once again – not getting the logic.   Do the winners get money too?   The winner's purse?   Prada perhaps?   Anything?   A goat?

John "I'm Having A Secret Affair With The Rock" Cena hits the ring and waits for the Buff Biff Tannen to make like a tree and get out here.

So I said, "Swagger?"   I hardly knew her!   Ha!   Ah.   How about a Fresca?   Hah?

4. World Champion John Cena beat ECW Champion Jack Swagger with the STF

Jack Swagger is getting a really good push.   He's doing it quietly and not attracting too much negative attention yet.   Then again, he's on ECW.   It's hard to attract any attention at all on ECW.   It's good for spots like these though.   See, you can hide on ECDub and stay out of the spotlight while winning and getting known with the fans.   Then, on shows like these, you get to play "World Champ."   He gets to work a TV match with the WWE's new Golden Boy that goes straight through a commercial break.   That says something.   He's so young and his gimmick is so plain that he can be redressed up as whatever you like.   He's not Jack The Fireman or Jack the Chicken or Outback Jack or something.   He's just Jack Swagger.   There's plenty of potential for where this guy can go.   Even Lawler had to commend Jackie on his showing.   He avoided certain defeat on a few occasions and then came back with offense of his own.   But in the end, if Jack Swagger is "ECW's John Cena" like Evan Bourne is "ECW's Rey Mysterio," then it only makes sense that they suffer the same fate.   The Marine nailed his Attitude Adjuster and locked the STF* for the tap out.   The announcers commended Swaggy on his showing but in the end, no one beats the 12 Rounder.

Raw gets two… Next Draft Pick…

I love how we pretend like Triple H has been somewhere else.  He hasn't left.   He's like the college kid that hangs out at his high school.  As for Matt Hardy, is it too cynical to figure he'll be jobbing in less than six months?

Commercial Break.

Randy Orton is backstage by himself.   When Legacy comes in, he takes time to explain to them the rules of tonight's match – if any of them get the pinfall, the wrestler they beat goes three-on-one against them next week.   If one of them gets beat, the winner gets a shot at Orton's title next week.   Got it?   No?   OK.   You see, there's three guys and they got three guys now if one guy beats one guy then next week he could fight one guy or three guys.   Got it?   No?   Keep up, people!   This isn't tough.   Well, maybe a little, but work it out!

It's time for another Draft Match.   Up first is Santino Marella.   As you all know, Santino's a crossdresser now and claims that he has a twin sister named Santina.   She's "Miss WrestleMania."   It's all very silly, but that's what Marella specializes in.   His opponent tonight is challenging for his throne.   Who?   The Great Khali.

Before the match can begin, Beth Phoenix walks out and let her "Little Cannoli" know that she's spoken to Vicki Guerrero.   If SanMar drops the decision to Smackdown's Khali, he'll not only lose a Draft pick…but his sister will have to kiss the Great One next week!   Ha ha ha!   I guess Kahli don't care s'long as you're warm at night baby,   Ick.   That's a scary picture.

5. The Great Khali pinned Santino Marella

What the hell happened to Great Khali?   Why does WWE take all the best monster heels and make them horny?   Mark Henry.   Viscera.   It makes no sense.   It's as if someone there might have a thing for giant men…and kissing cross dressers.   Hey!   I think I'm onto something here.   Given the pre-match stipulations, you'd have to be braindead to think that anyone besides the Punjabi Poon Pirate was getting his meathook raised at the end of this one.  

Next Draft Pick…

6. Kofi Kingston defeated The Miz via Disqualification

What's Mike the Miz's gimmick?   Is he a punk poseur?   Does he sing and I don't know it?   I feel like John Morrison must secretly sing too.   It only makes sense.   This match was a good look at three of WWE's real blue chippers.   I've said good things about Miz before and I'll say it again.   Falling flat on his face as a Hoorah babyface announcer was the best thing that ever happened to this kid.   (JG Note:   Well, that and Joey Mercury going bye-bye.)   Although they've had success together, it would be ironic to think that his partner would cost him the win, right?   Well, that's what happened.   John Morrison hopped up on the apron , got involved in the action, and earned his partner a DQ loss.   Wow.   With dissention like that, what happens if one of these guys gets drafted…

Next Draft Pick…

What happens if one of these guys gets drafted, you ask?   He beats up his partner, that's what.   Mikey Miz opened up on Morrison and left him laying.   Despite the magnitude of two former tag champions splittling, the commentators react for all of four seconds before talking about all the goodness coming down the proverbial pike "later tonight."   No one cares.    It's the end of M and M as we know it.   Sigh.   I always knew it would happen around Easter.

Commercial Break.

7. Edge Won a 15-Man Battle Royal over Cryme Tyme, Big Show, MVP, Cryme Tyme, Mike Knox, The Big Show, Finlay, Ricky Ortiz, Tyson Kidd, Mark Henry, Paul Burchill,   Carlito, Primo, R-Truth, and Chavo Guerrero.

This match was sooooo boring.   Like, soooo boring.   Most battle royals are.   The only saving grace usually is that the winner gets a title match or some money or a date with a pretty lady or something fake like that.   What do these guys get?   The chance to bring guys to come to their show and fight them.   Oh.   What fun.   Amazingly, the commentators made mention of Edge's win last year as he made his way to the ring.   By the time the match came down to the final three, you thought that the R Rated Superstar didn't have a chance at repeating.   Big Show, Mark Henry, and Vicki Guerrero's husband were all standing in the ring and the monsters seemed hungry.   Rather than devouring their prey, they turned their attention to each other.   Show tossed Henry out and then turned back to the man whose wife he's been schtoopin'.   Copeland tried some side-stepping, but that was all nonsense.   All he had to do was wait for the Bald Bull to come and run at him, duck with the top rope in his hand, send him over, and win – in that order.   That's what happened and Smackdown picks up two more Draft picks.   Who can it be now?

Next Draft Pick…

"Kay-ee-ay-ee-ayn!"

- Todd Grisham (I think - there's 50 of 'em)

He said it just like that.   It sounded like he sat on flaming turtle.

Next Draft Pick…

Good move.   Y2J on Smackdown is going to something to watch.

Commercial Break.

Hey, Chrissy.   You're next.

Chrissy?   No dude.   I'm Christian.

God Bless.   I'm Protestant.   Now move your ass, Chrissy.

8. Christian pinned Shelton Benjamin after The Killswitch

Hey.   When did Christian get back?   Hmm.   At one point, Todd Grisham adopts a cheesy inflection and puts out the idea of CM Punk using the Money in the Bank title shot tonight.   The mere mention of it disqualifies it from happening.   By the way, for those keeping score at home, Christian isn't using the Unprettier anymore.   I guess they figured that was stupid.   Now it's the KillSwitch.   Po-tay-to, Po-tah-to.   All the same.   In the end, it gets the win and that's what happened.   With an unpretty kill of the ol' switch, Captain Charisma opened the ECW doors for a soon-to-be-demoted superstar…

Next Draft Pick is…

So it goes.   This guy was out of stuff to do on Fridays.   I can't help but think this could be the beginning of the end though for our favorite comrade.  

Commercial Break.

9.  Matt Hardy defated CM Punk via Disqualification

Matt Hardy reminds me of Randy The Ram.   What the freak?   He's aged 20 years in the past two.   How did that happen?   He looks bloated.   He's not fat.   That's not it.   Then again, he's not ripped.   He's just…puff - like a dead guy floating in the river.   Also the balding grease 'do and X Factor Tights are doing him no favors.   All he needs now is an Abe Lincoln beard and he's all set.   Oh wait…he's got that too.   There you go.   Seeing Matt in this match made you wonder about his brother Jeff.   Where's he been?   Any chance he'll come out and assault his brother tonight?   Oh yes.   Yes there is a chance.

Jeff runs in and the bell gets to ringing.   The good Hardy takes his brother down and climbs the buckles for his Swanton Bomb.   Matty sees this and scurries under the bottom rope.   Looks like the bad guy escapes and the hero gets to beat up his brother another day.   The next Draft Pick goes to Raw, like most of them do.

Next Draft Pick…

This was a throwaway since you had to guess that they'd send the Diva Champ to Raw if the Women's Champ is going to Smackdown.   That being said, Maryse is nice to look at.   Maybe Matt Hardy secretly knew that by winning his match and bringing her to Raw, he's balance out the times we had to look at him with time we look at her.   Thanks, Matty – you wonderful greasy man.

Commercial Break.

10. Chris Jericho pinned Tommy Dreamer

Show me the person in the arena who thought Tommy Dreamer could win this.   Show me him.   Point so I may mock him.   Know why?   Because it's insane to think that.   In fact, when Tommy held his head in disbelief over only getting a two count on Jericho, I thought, "Really?   You're surprised?"   I guess he's a dreamer.   That's his thing.   Anyway, no one was buying what was selling here.   They knew the outcome long before the ECW Original did.   When Y2J hit the DDT, ECW was DOA for the 123.   Ding, ding, ding.

Next Draft Pick…

Commercial Break.

11. Triple H, Batista, and Shane McMahon defeated Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes when Hunter pinned DiBiase