World Wrestling Insanity: JG's 4/6 Raw Insanity: Randy Orton Plays The Role of Gene Snitsky, Vicki Guerrero Plays The Role of Eric Bischoff, and Dave Batista Plays The Role of Vince McMahon

JG's 4/6 Raw Insanity: Randy Orton Plays The Role of Gene Snitsky, Vicki Guerrero Plays The Role of Eric Bischoff, and Dave Batista Plays The Role of Vince McMahon

By James Guttman
Apr 7, 2009 - 12:59 AM

Who booked this crap? You're about to find out. Let's step into the alternate reality universe and check out

The Raw After WrestleMania as Written By….

Eric Bischoff

Show opens with wide shot of the crowd.

Michael Cole: On the heels of WrestleMania 25, let's go down to the ring where Randy Orton is standing by.

Randy Orton: You know. Last night at WrestleMania 25…

SELF HIGH FIVE!

DDP's Music Kicks In.

Diamond Dallas Page: Yo! Randy! Let me ask you a question. Why was I never asked to join Legacy?

Orton: Uh. Because you're not a second generation wrestler…and you don't work here.

DDP: BANG!

Orton: Huh?

DDP: BANG!

Orton: OK.

I'm ba-ack…and better than ever…

Eric Bischoff: Hi everybody. I'm the new GM. Anyway, Orton. Tonight, you better get ready because there's going to be a match between you…Triple H…DDP…Hollywood Hogan (waits for pop)…and, uh,…that guy. Right there! (pointing) That guy in the front row. You. You're wrestling! Ha! Spontaneity! Thank you! Sweeeeeet!

Main Event Outcome: Guy in the front row becomes new World Champion when he pins the referee. By the end of the show, Legacy has 140 members.

Vince Russo (2000)

Show opens with silent shot of the ring. After a minute, Vince Russo comes stomping out.

Michael Cole: That's…that's Vince Russo!

Scott Hudson: He's a former WCW Champion, Tony!

Cole: Michael.

Hudson : Shhh. He's about to say something, Tony.

Russo: You know something, Houston? I spent the whole weekend in this g*d damned sh*t hole booking last night's show. We had it all planned out where Jeff Jarrett was going to come out here and give you people a g*d damned good show. Kid Rock was going to sing his theme song and Jeff was going to pin the champion after the main event ended. That is until that piece of sh*t, Triple H - Paul Levesque - played his politics and got the win…which is bullsh*t!

Hudson: I can't believe what I'm hearing, Tony.

Cole: My name's not f**kin' TONY!

Russo: So, Paul Levesque! Bring your gamy ass out here so I can kick you across the arena!

Triple H doesn't come out. Russo spits at some fans and leaves.

Main Event Outcome: A midget dressed like Triple H loses to Vince Russo and Jeff Jarrett in a Rubber Chainsaw on a Beanpole Battle Royal Challenge Match. It's also revealed that Randy Orton is actually a goat dressed up like a person.

Vince Russo (2009)

Show opens with silent shot of the ring. After a minute, Kurt Angle comes stomping out.

Michael Cole: That's…that's Kurt Angle!

Don West: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Kurt Angle: You know something, Houston? I spent the whole weekend in this town preparing to wrestle on last night's show. It's true. We had it all planned out where I was going to come out here and give you people a really good show. Kid Rock was going to sing my theme song and I was going to make the champion tap after the main event ended. That is until that jerkface, Triple H - Paul Levesque - played his politics and got the win…which is garbage!

West : I can't believe what I'm hearing, Mike!

Cole: My name isn't…oh wait. Yeah it is.

Angle: So, Paul Levesque! Bring your gamy behind out here so I can kick you across the arena! Wooo!

Triple H doesn't come out. Angle undoes his straps and spins for a bit.

Main Event Outcome : A midget dressed like Sarah Palin, with the cast of last season's Survivor in her corner, loses to Kurt Angle and Jeff Jarrett in a Rubber Chainsaw on a Beanpole Battle Royal Challenge Match. Kurt then wins the all the titles on the show, except the ECW one because they forgot about it.

The Great Khali

Show opens with wide shot of the ring.

Randy Orton : BAHANMAA! BOOM BOOM! KALALABAMA!

Cole: Kababna manna, King!

Jerry Lawler: Coo coo motiba!

Explosion.

Orton: Cambana! Doomaga Seeta! Doucha moucha!

Main Event Outcome: TOOBAKABABABA! Yasha backa. Backlash bootoogoo.

The U.S. Congress

Show opens with a stationary camera on the ring. Randy Orton is reading from a sheet of paper.

Randy Orton: Triple H. Last night, I wasn't successful in defeating you. However, according to page 904 of our contract, I have the right to challenge you, or anyone else you've ever met, to a match, or any other event I deem appropriate, on a date and time to be specified by me. The contract does not stipulate the aforementioned date must take place within the future therefore, since it has been grandfathered, I would like to challenge you to World Title match last night after WrestleMania ended. Since I have made said challenge and you did not show, I must note that you have forfeited said contest and I am now the new WWE Champion. If, in the future, you see fit to challenge this decision, you must file a written grievance. If I do not receive said grievance within the next four seconds, I will assume you agree. And...Time's up. You agree. Thank you and good night.

Main Event Outcome: JBL comes out of retirement to face Nancy Pelosi. He loses and quits again. John Cena calls Barney Frank, "Mumbles." No one laughs.

Triple H

Paul Heyman

A sign made from bedsheets and felt tip markers hangs above the entrance. It reads "Extreme Raw"

Randy Orton: Triple H! Tonight, you and I are going to get Extreme! You're gonna put me over right now! So bring your overrated ass out here right now so I can put you through this table!

Hunter steps out.

Triple H: Overrated? Are you ribbin' me? You know what's overrated, Randy? You. You're overrated.

Orton: You're a d*ck!

Hunter: No. You're a d*ck!

This goes on for a few minutes. Randy Orton challenges people in the audience too before the lights go out. When they come back on, Tazz is in the ring.

Tazz: I think you're both d*cks.

He chokes out Randy Orton. They then go to commercial.

Main Event Outcome: The final match between Orton-Hunter-Tazz is one of the highest rated in WWE history. As soon as the camera goes black, Heyman is fired.

Dusty Rhodes

Show opens with Vicki sitting in the ring in her wheelchair. Chavo has been replaced by Dustin Rhodes and no one explains why.

Vicki Guerrero: Excuse me! Excuse me! Exxxxxxcuse ME! I would like to introduce the new General Deputy Authority Vice President Stage Manager of Raw…Dusty Rhodes

Amerrrrica-a-a-an….Dre-eee-aaaa-mmmm…..(drum hits)…He's just a common man…

Dusty Rhodes: Tank ya, Vicki. My you look so sweet. No 'under dem boys befightin' ova you. Now, ladies and gentlemen. It has come to my 'tention that last night's show was scheduled to begin at 7 pm Eathhhhtern Thandard Time, if you will. However, the show began at 7:03pm. That's a problem. Therefore, the 'Merican Dream is declaring that last night's show is null and void. It didn't happen. No it di'n't. So nothing that happened last night counts. Thank you.

Crowd Boos.

Rhodes: Why you booing? Huh? Here. Watch me dance.

Dusty Dances. Crowd Cheers.

Main Event Outcome: Randy Orton beats Triple H for the World Title. That doesn't count either. Hornswoggle is barred from going near any trashcans.

And finally ….

Stephanie McMahon

Show opens with a video recap of Last Night's WrestleMania 25. Did you see it? No? Well, la-di-da. What did you spend that $55 on then, huh? Food? Rent? Get your priorities straight, dude.

Raw Theme Plays.

WrestleMania may be over, but the fun is just beginning in Michael Cole's pants. You're all invited, along with Jerry Lawler, to tonight's big Raw featuring an All Star Tag Match. Who's in it? All Stars, silly. Like Converse. For you sticklers for details, the official line up is:

Chris Jericho, Edge, Matt Hardy, Big Show, and Kane vs. CM Punk, Rey Mysterio, John Cena, Jeff Hardy, and Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat.

Steamboat? Yes. Steamboat. He's wrestling. I couldn't tell it was him from the graphic they showed until Lawler told us. What? Yup. I know. I know! Stop yelling at me! Oh. I'm sorry. I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the voices. Yes. The voices. For you see…

I hear voices in my head. They council me. They understand. They talk to me….

Randy Orton's Mental Illness Anthem rings out and the WrestleMania Loser steps onto the ramp. He stops and caresses his bruised face at one point before walking up the aisle and into the ring. Once in, he looks about the arena and stares into the masses that have amassed to witness his concession speech. Mic in hand, R.K.O. Boy speaks:

"I don't know what sickens me more. The fact that Triple H illegally used the sledgehammer to beat me last night. Or the fact that people you people enjoyed every second of it. I think it's good that you people have a moment of happiness in your otherwise miserable lives. But the fact is, last night, proved nothing!"

- Randy Orton

Randall reminds the peeps that Hunter Hearst Helmsley can't get the job done on his own. That's why he used Miss Sledgie. After claiming that the McMahons, WWE, and the fans owe him a rematch, Mister O makes a promise. When that finally happens, Orton swears to win the belt back from that McMoron. You can take that one to the bank. The Bank of Orton. Cha-ching.

Oh. And The McMahons should be aware that if they decide to cross Cowboy Bob's crazy kid, things are just going to get worse. Dandy Randy gives us a look back at the checklist:

Shane: Kicked In Head.
Vince: Kickied In Head.
Stephanie: RKOed, DDTed.
Ed: Beat Him With Giant Publisher's Clearing House Check.

So what's next? Maybe it's time for Ort to go on location. Maybe he'll go to a McMahon Family Outing.

"I haven't seen Linda in a while. I'm sure she'll be happy to see me. Better yet, maybe it's time I finally introduce myself to all those McMahon Family Grandchildren."
- Randy Orton

He delivered these lines great. I also love that he's threatening infants. No wonder they fired Snitsky. They filled his gimmick.

Now you threaten infants, you're sure to get the granddad with a spastic walk and something to say. Grandfather here - Vince McMahon. No-No Vinnie marched into the ring and Ortles backed away. Big Mac calls him out for what he said and then, seething, spits out, "You mention my grandchildren!" Duh. Your kids wrote it. People watching know that as the owner, you have a say in what goes on television. It loses its sting when you realize that the person getting offended over the distasteful remarks actually approved and/or suggested them. So it goes. You show people how you cut the woman in half and their going to think it's dumb when you act amazed at its success.

Big Mac tells the Legend Killer to stop wanting the chance to maul McMahon Family Members. There's one right here. He's in the ring with his short little haircut. He's Vince McMahon and you can get into the ring right now. Get it out of your system, punk. Oh, but before you do, you have some Backlash coming your way…at Backlash. Get it? See how that works. Oh. And the match?

You, Ted DiBiase 2.0, and Cody Rhodes vs. Triple H, Vince McMahon, and Shane McMahon

Ha! Randy laughs at your stupid six man match. You're scared ol' man. You're yella! VKM says that's not the case. In fact, it's opposite day. Know why? Cause Orton's the one who's a-scared. Not Mr. McMahon. Nope. Why is The Head Punter afraid? Because Cody and Teddy aren't out here. That's why he's scared. Make no sense? Let the boss clear things up.

"Without Rhodes and DiBiase, you're nothing but abject failure."
- Vince McMahon

Still doesn't make much sense but whatever. This raises Captain Nutball's blood pressure and it comes pouring out in the form of a challenge. Tonight. One on one. Randy Orton versus Vince McMahon. No Legacy. No Rhodes. No DiBiase. No Virgil. No Busick. Just you and Ort mano-vs-mano. The first time you got your head caved in, Randy didn't need no buddies. He won't need them tonight either. Maybe you won't make it to Backlash, Mr. McMahon. Maybe you'll give the former Evolutionary his WrestleMania moment one night later when he permanently puts you out to pasture. Wha'd'ya say, Old Timer?

"Know what? You may permanently put me down. May put me in a coma for all I know, but Randy, maybe you'll put me in a coma. Maybe you'll put me down forever. Maybe you'll beat me down, but then again, maybe you won't. You're on!"
- Vince McMahon

Commercial Break. Didn't get to mention it in the intro, but check out the brand new ClubWWI.com shoots! 49 minutes with Kenny Dykstra and 30 minutes with Hacksaw Jim Duggan on location from WrestleMania 25. Hoooooo!

Ray

1. Lumberjack Match : The Colon Brother defeated The Miz and John Morrison to become The New WWE Unified Tag Team Champions

Has no one in WWE thought of trying to get Miz and Morrison on The Amazing Race? I mean, they're both reality TV guys and it would be awesome advertising for WWE. Ashley on Survivor did a little, but not much. These guys (or Miz at least) know to get all reality ho'd out like Cory Feldman or Omarosa and do whacky crap for airtime. I would be good TV. Hoorah. As for this match, It's a good idea to combine the tag titles, I guess. Not sure how that's going to play into the post Draft WWE World next week. Either the brand split is going to get more lax or one of the two shows is going to have virtually no teams. The first one seems most probable, but the second one definitely seems feasible. Everyone at ringside got involved, as is usually the case. R-Truth, Mike Knox, Ricky Ortiz, and others looked on as this one went back and forth, eventually settling into a quiet lull. In a spot that seemed to take 45 minutes to set up, Mizanin and Carlito were both perched on the top rope trying to set up a sideways suplex -looking deal. Then, out of nowhere, Mike fell. Carly followed suit. Not sure if it was supposed to go like that, but if it was, it was weird. Quickly, Morrison followed up and jumped off the top rope to the floor with a Shooting Star Press. Half the ringside enforcers were taken down and the match continued on. Mizz Mike scored a number of near falls on his Apple biting Foe, but in the end he couldn't hold off the Backstabber. Coolon hit his finisher, scored the pinfall, and celebrated his unified tag team title win. As the two men jumped for joy, Jerry Lawler wondered what would happen if they got Drafted to different shows next week. Talk about Debbie Downer. I expected them to show a close up of his face with that Louie Armstrong trumpet "Waaa-waa." Way to kill the mood, King Buzzy McKillington.

Backstage, Vince McMahon is stripping. For reasons unknown, this brings his son into the picture. Shane asks his half-naked pops what the deal is. Daddy Mac tells his baby boy to give him a few minutes…

…But changes his mind. Look. Kid. Daddy knows that if Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes get involved, you have his back. But, to be honest, this is something that your old man has to get done by his old self. (JG Note: I'm not sure if this was supposed to plant the seed that Shane might jump ship. In wrestling, when someone assumes they know something, they don't. The term, "I know you have my back" ranks right up there with "These people don't want to see us wrestle here tonight." It's almost never accurate.)

Up next: Diva Tag Team Match. In other words, the entire roster is here tonight and WWE is busting their ass to get them all a spot on this friggin' show.

John Cena made a movie. He keeps saying he's not an actor, but a wrestler. Unfortunately, that's what the critics are saying too.

Commercial Break.

2. Mickie James, Melina, Jillian Hall, Leyla, and Kelly Kelly defeated Maryse, Natalya, Maria, Eve, and Gail Kim when Mickie pinned Natalya.

Is it just me or have they done this match 100 times in the past month? Maybe they haven't, but it feels like they have. Everything the Divas do nowadays is a tag thing of some sort because they're just filler, which is a shame. They have a pretty strong group and many are capable of doing something good if given the opportunity. This one certainly did some filling.. The crowd didn't seem into it at all until the Pier Six Brawl broke out at ringside. All the ladies got into a cute lil rumble while Mickie James slammed Natalya with a DDT. Your winners are the Raw Team. The losers are the Smackdown team. Go put on your red cap. The other gang wears blue. Think of it as WWE's way of introducing kids to the world of the Crips and Bloods. It's like how The Smurfs slickly taught us all Communism.

Backstage, Triple H is at his locker. That doesn’t stop Shane McMahon from barging on in. Once again hoping to find a member of his family without clothes on, Shane-o enters the scene and gives his BIL a big ol' hug. He tries to get Hunter to calm down Big Daddy Mac. Trips doesn't see how he could talk Pop-Pop out of this fight tonight, but he'll give it a go.

Last Night: John Cena lifted both Edge and Big Show at the same time. Know how? He's the Incredible Hulk, that's how. Still to come: All Star Tag Match featuring all stars in a tag match. That's where they get the name from.
-
Commercial Break.

Move over, kid!

HEY! Lay off, Mister!

Do me. Do me.

Sir. This face painting is for kids only.

Yeah!

Shut up. Do me right now or I swear…I'll give yout he Twist of Fate.

I don't know what that is.

It hurts! Now paint my damn face like Kitty Cat!

Jeff Hardy is first out. C.M. Punk follows. Then Rey Mysterio. Then…Ricky The Dragon Steamboat. After Steamer, it's the man who made jokes about Cleveland Steamers famous, John Cena. He gets in the ring, tosses his hat and the bad guys get called out next.

Chris Jericho was the first out. Last night at WrestleMania, Chris beat Jimmy Snuka, Ricky Steamboat, and Roddy Piper. Afterwards, Mickey Rourke beat Jericho up. Because of all this, Cole guesses that Y2J may feel like he's the real legend. In the same statement about how CJ feels like a legend after Mania, Michael goes on about how the event must have been embarrassing for him. After all, he got knocked out by a former boxer and actor. So it was a great night that he's ashamed of. Read all about it in the next book…

After that, Kane came down. He was followed out by Matt "I'm Trying To Be X-Pac Circa X-Factor" Hardy and the guys who are bouncing Vicki Guerrero back and forth.

3. C.M. Punk, Rey Mysterio, Ricky Steamboat, John Cena, and Jeff Hardy defeated Kane, Big Show, Chris Jericho, Edge, and Matt Hardy when Mysterio pinned Jericho.

I'm noticing a theme here. The theme? This show has 100 people on it. I get it. It's the final Raw before they reset the shows so it's time to throw everything against the wall and see what sticks. It's easy to forget that outside of Mania, WWE keeps the brands split. So once next week goes down, it's back to the respective nights for most guys. A match like this is their way of giving the big deals of WM25 one last hurrah before we set out on the road to WrestleMania 26 (Dory Funk Note: 27. Next year's show is 27.) Ricky Stemaboat's first shot in the ring wasn't against Chris Jericho here. Believe it or not, it was Edge. Also, he looked great. Ricky took down the R-Rated Superstar with cross bodies and arm drags. He even ducked some shots from Kane when the Monster got tagged in. Jericho fell as well. So did Matt Hardy. It was great. Great until The Big Red Machine took him down with a side slam and tagged in Y2J. The new Legend Killer tore into the Hall of Famer…and tagged in The Big Show. Biggie showed no mercy. He took it to the crowd favorite. As the people chanted the Dragon's name, he fought back. After an eternity, Rick finally tagged in CM Punk. Punker ran in to a lukewarm reaction and took time to knock down the opposing team members from the opposite corner. All of them except Kane and Big Show took a tumble. The Giants stayed in place and knocked him back down, shifting the momentum back on the side of Team Bad Guy. Things continued from there and got really hot again when Rey Mysterio ended up in the ring and hit a double 619 on Edge and Jericho. Then, he and Steamboat climbed turnbuckles next to each other and hit their foes with top rope moves simultaneously Raymond Steerio made the cover and you can score one more for the good guys, Chico.

After the bell, there's a lot of hugging and cheering for Ricky Steamboat. A little too much hugging if you ask me. Get a room, you guys. Sheesh.

Triple H approaches Vince McMahon backstage but he's told to save it. Shut up, Gamy. Helmsley responds by telling Poppa Bear that he's both obnoxious and suborn, but he's proud of him. Just one request, Vincent. Finish it.

Commercial Break.

Vicki Guerrero is farting up a storm at the top of the ramp. Excuse her! Now all of you out there know that Vick is the GM of both Raw and Smackdown. That's true, but in terms of Raw, there was a provision. Come WrestleMania, Guerrero had to make a choice. Choose one. Raw or Smackdown? Like a mom choosing which child to throw off the cliff, Mrs. G must make a hard decision. Which show should she run? Vicki has chosen. She's chosen Raw.

"Please let me explain. Raw has become stale and stagnant and I believe I can be a breath of fresh air with my own unique thinking and a degree of fairness and professionalism. Tonight I am so proud to announce that my husband Edge will have a mandatory rematch against John Cena for the World Heavyweight Championship at Backlash. This is my husband's last chance at regaining his championship. Ha ha ha. Now, as far as the WWE Championship is concerned, the six man tag team match Mr. McMahon announced earlier tonight…"
- Vicki Guerrero

It's now a Championship Match. If Orton's team wins, he becomes the new World Champion. If Hunter's team wins, he wins. That's how it goes. This upsets Jerry Lawler but it is what it is. The new boss made the change and it is what we have. The mood changes to happy quickly though when they talk about Wrestle-friggin'-Mania but get stopped by….

Vicki Guerrero again. Apparently Wheels forgot something. She rolls back onto the ramp and announces that The Edge-Cena Backlash bout will be Last Man Standing Match. "Thank you and good night."

Back to Cole and Jerry. Mania was insane. Most insane of all? Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels. Lawler says it could be the best WrestleMania match ever. Perhaps. It's definitely a contender. The best thing about it is that it tells a story all on its own. You don't need any TV or storylines leading into it to understand. From start to finish, you watched an entire plot unfold. Phenomenal contest from two of the greatest ever.

In the back hallway, Legacy are hanging out without shirts on. Randy Orton punches his own chest in preparation for later. Dandy Randy and Vinnie Beans lock it up tonight!
-
Commercial Break.

Dude. I can't believe he's doing it.

Told you he would. Now give me $5. There's nothing he won't do. Next week, we have him eating poo. He's like an Italian Johnny Knoxville.

Santino Marella is "Santina." She's Santino's twin sister and she's "Miss WrestleMania." Yikes. This leads to a high-pitched promo by the Milan transvestite. Marella does the same act you know he'd do in this situation. Here. Do this.

Close your eyes and picture Santino Marella in drag doing a comedy promo from a woman's point of view.

What you saw is exactly what he did. It lead to the arrival of Beth Phoenix and Rosa Mendez.. Neither woman looked happy. They must be as bored with the segment as we are. Go get him, Beth. I'm falling asleep over here.

Marella introduces herself to Phoenix and then introduces her to the crowd. Bethany doesn't appear moved and tells her man to "cut the crap." She says that he's embarrassing himself in front of the crowd. They boo - because they enjoy seeing him embarrass himself. This ish isn't limited to personal dignity for the Glamazon. Oh no. She has a problem with the way Santa won her crown. She tossed BP over the top rope and ended her chances at glory. So, to make up for it, let's rematch tonight. Beth Phoneix versus Santina Marella.

No problem-o, Glammo. Miss WrestleMania accepts the challenge, calls for a referee, and - oh goodie - here we go.

4. Santina Marealla pinned Beth Phoenix

During the break, Santina danced for the crowd's delight. Michael Cole tells me to go to WWE's website to see the entire performance. He seems tickled over it all. It just has him tickled silly. Silly! I'm not sure I'd like it as much, Coleslaw. No offense, but it sounds a bit dumb. Then again, if you're into things like Marella's giant granny panties being flashed, then you'll be into it - and this match. That was theme before Miss Marella got the win and Rico's theme song plays over the P.A. Yooooooo- looooook soooooooo….good to me.

We close out with Jerry Downer wondering about what could happen if the Draft ripped Santino away from Beth. Waa-waaaaaaa…..
-
Commercial Break.

5. Mr. McMahon versus Randy Orton had no ending.

This one began with the McMahon slap from Hell. Why do I call it that? Because it knocked Randy Orton to his knees. Then he did it again. Then he elbowed Orton in the face. Then he kicked him. Then he elbowed him. Then he elbowed him again. Vince followed this up by talking smack and then punching Randy in the face. Then we saw a kick, a face slam into the announce table, and then another. McMahon continued to taunt and kicked Randy in the face yet again. Offering absolutely no defense, Orton got beat like a complete tool and sold like he was getting hit with shotgun blasts. It was really bizarre. By the time Ort responded with his modified backbreaker, the crowd was already dead. The whole thing had been so strange that by the time we got to reality, it was kind of too late. Thankfully The Legend Killer made it his goal to destroy his foe. So he set out to do just that. After landing some knee drops and an RKO, the Head Punter went for…well, the Head Punt. This cued Shane McMahon, who ran down and took his turn at beating the piss out of Randy Orton because he's a McMahon and that's what they do.

Luckily, Legacy was in town and they made the save for their fearful leader.. Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes held court and even stayed in control when Triple H made the predictable appearance. Michael Cole reminded us about Randy The Ram's threat to the McGrandkids earlier tonight. All seemed lost for the Family. With Orton and the Pips in full control, who could save them?

Batista. That's who.

Out of nowhere, WWE managed to squeeze a pretty good pop from an audience that needed something big to get them going. Deacon Dave ran to the ring, beat the baddies into oblivion, grabbed the top rope,… and then stomped like a horse counting to three. I kid you not.

He tried to grab Dusty's boy, but Cody squirmed away. Hunter sprang to action outside, tossed him back in, and Tista hit his power bomb thingy. From ringside, a breathless Vince McMahon stepped out of Backlash…and named his replacement in the six man match… Batista.

Shock. Disbelief. Batista does the horse-count taunt as we fade to black.

All in all …Not a bad show. But it was sort of a throw away.

It's the week before the Draft. There's nothing to focus on so the McMahon-Orton deal gets a ton of TV time to work itself out. That makes sense. WWE certainly focused on that tonight and made sure to bring Dave Batista into the mix. With Backlash's new stipulations, one could assume that Batista gets the pinfall and then lays claim to the Game's strap. It's an interesting direction and, with an Evolution reunion of sorts, it's another thing to drive Ric Flair crazy as he sits out all retired.

Vicki Guerrero on Raw? Eh. Whatever. I miss Eric Bischoff, to be honest.

The Colon Brothers are the new Unified Tag Champions. Good for them. Now let's see WWE split them up and have each man grab a new partner on their shows to reform the split titles with again. I can just imagine a momentum killer like that coming in just as things heat up. Look at me – sounding Jerry Lawler and stuff. Don't mean to bum ya out. Just thinking out loud.

Santino Marella…stop. Please. Stop. How long can we drag this joke out for? It's been years. Feud with someone real already!

Other than that, the night was an exhibition. Big tag matches, lumberjack showcases – all the things wrestling companies do to feature as many people as possible. Come next week, we go back to basics. So get your fun in now. It's a new ballgame next Monday.

Same here. Join me for more Raw Insanity next week. Three hours – yikes. Check out Duggan on ClubWWI.com and, of course, Be Well…and Thanks For Sharing My Insanity.