Happy Sixth of July, late sleepers! Michael "The Duke" Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler are here for a show that promises to be satisfactory! It's a night that has everyone on the edge of their seats as the Million Dollar Daddy Ted DiBiase returns to the WWE ring as our special General Manager authority figure guy. Just like Ted always says, "Everybody's got a price for the Million Dollar Man!" Well, except Hulk Hogan because he didn't sell his title. But everyone else has a…well, not Big Bossman either. He gave Jake Roberts back his property that one time on Brother Love. OK. Whatever. "Some people have a price for the Million Dollar Man." There. Happy? Fine. Watch this…

Ted DiBiase is here and he can't get his tin foil tuxedo taken out to a larger size because he's wearing a regular ol' suit. With the Million Dollar Title on his shoulder, Uncle Ted is joined by his son, Ted DiBiase V2, and his special friend Cody Rhodes. The Trio enter the ring and the Million Dollar Mr. Belding speaks.

This made Mr. DiBiase happy as hell. When he learned that there were guest hosts for Raw, he wrote a check and got his opportunity. That opportunity presented itself for one reason - so Teddy D.B. could introduce you all to two fine superstars - Cody and his son Ted. The crowd boos, but DiBiase doesn't care. He has Monopoly Money, son. Stupid money. Bradgelina money.

Now there may be no title matches allowed before "Night of Champions," but that doesn't mean he can't make some fun. At Night of Champions, Edge and Chris Jericho will square off against Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase. Done! Ha! Take it to the bank. Oh, and while we're on the subject of stuff, let's talk about Mark Henry. Marcus embarrassed Randy Orton last week on Raw. 'Member? So it's time we embarrass him. Right, Cody?

Right, sir.

OK, good. Since we're all in agreement, then you can lace up them little black booties and nut up, buttercup. You and Mark are going one on one. Make him remember the name…..Codedust.

As for you, son, Papa has a surprise for you. You need to break out of the Orton shadow. That Dandy Randy, he don't love you. He's just using you, son. Users are losers and losers are users. So don't take it anymore. Your Million Dollar Daddio has an opportunity for you. It’s not a title opportunity, but it's a career opportunity. It's a match…against Randy Orton. That's right. Randy Orton. If you win, who knows…?

The crowd pops and Junior is not happy. He protests, but Pops tells him that he's not only going to face him…

"You're going to beat him."
- Ted DiBiase

Nice. Well done opening segment. The DiBiase-Orton dynamic has been great and this was no exception. It added another layer to the whole situation.

Welcome, Edge. Look into this crystal ball and lets see what Madam Ruby sees. I see…an injury!

An injury?

Yes…in your future. Also, I see a bicycle.

IS IT ALRIGHT?

It's alright. It's alright.

Where is it?

It's at the Alamo.

AL-A-MO.

In…the basement.

Thank you Madam Ruby!

No problem. Be careful of your ankle.

1. Unified Tag Team Champions Edge and Chris Jericho defeated Primo and Carlito when Edge pinned Primo

You think Chris Jericho just stares at Edge's hair backstage and reminisces silently about how much he misses his glam rock 'do? That's sad. Hair Rock is everything to the short-haired Jericho and putting him next to Copeland's long mane every night is just teasing. It's like teaming a crack addict up with a guy who's made out of crack. OK, so that analogy is weird, but you get the point. If you had to pinpoint the moment when Carlito's career got back on track - it was when he got these Tajiri pants. Since he's been wearing them, he's been doing great. Of course, Primo has something to do with that. For the most part here, he was beaten silly by Rated Y2J. They took it to the afro'd brother with both legal and illegal offense. Lawler applauds the teamwork of the heels despite their massive egos, but the clapping ends when Primo runs in and cleans house. Jerry mistakenly calls him "Carlito" and it's immediately followed by Cole saying the right name. It was all very weird and the more I listened to the commentary, the more it sounded like a video game. It was mostly soundbites and pretty distracting. If you thought you were distracted, you should have seen what happened to Preemo. His brother mistakenly distracted the referee, allowed Edge and Chris to double team him for a pin. That was his mistake.

Afterwards, in what was not a mistake, Carlito beat the crap out of his brother. He slammed him into the ringpole and pounded on his face. After he had taught his bro-ho a lesson, he tossed him into the announce table for good luck.

9:23 pm…Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase are at the bus stop tawkin' 'bout Randy Orton. Then, out of nowhere, he appears. Magically demented, Orton comments on tonight's silly match. What's the point, Ted? You losing to the Champ ain't doing nothing for your rep. This elicits a chuckle from the Million Dollar Baby. You think you're the better man, pal? Well, I don't think so, Sonny Jim. In fact, The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase was ten times better than your dad. (JG Note: And your Uncle Barry too!) So take that, prag. Tonight, you better get ready. It's awn.

Commercial Break. Did You Know? WWE is neither an animal, vegetable, or mineral.

2. Gail Kim and Mickie James defeated Maryse and Alicia Fox when Gail pinned Maryse

Hi Gail Kim. How are you? Where are you? What'cha been up to? Poor Gail is getting the Christian treatment on the way in and it's pretty funny when you pull yourself out of the situation. People can lament about how it's done as punishment (having her get minimal push after a solid TNA run), but I don't think so. As it's played out the last few months, I think the idea has always been to make TNA look bush league while still getting good use out of the returning stars. It's not that they're burying Christian and Gail. If they did that, it would look like they were angry at them for going to the competition. The idea here is that WWE doesn't outwardly appear to feel TNA is competition at all. There's no animosity towards those that go there and return. It's like they don't matter at all. In the case of both, they came back at roughly the same level that they left at with WWE and are rising up on a regular level. It's a real slap in the face to the place that they went to during their time away. It's as if to say, "These people could have left WWE and then taken a two year nap and they'd have raised their careers the same amount that they did in Orlando." This ain't WCW here. The true irony is that WWE's passive-aggressive approach to TNA is doing more good for them than they're aggressive-aggressive approach to WCW. It's good news for Kim. With the Woman's Division as it is, it's only a matter of time before she gets her own mini-push. As for the main issue here - Maryse vs. Mickie - I think it's the best thing they can do at the moment. Maryse has some great mannerisms and James's jumpy persona would be interesting to see in the ring with her. Oh, you know that mini-push I was talking about? It's happening now. Gail scored the pin on the hand-waving French Canadian after planting her foot on her chin, yanking her arm, and falling to the ground. I have no idea what she calls it. The Ghetto Blaster? I always liked that move. Gail wins, you Beer Belly Sharecropper.

Cody Rhodes is in a hurry and he has a hand full of greenbacks. He runs into Ted DiBiase's Million Dollar generic office. He tries to buy his way out tonight's match with Mark Henry. Come on, Uncle Ted. Why are you being so jerky about all this? Uncle Ted points to Legacy's mission statement. What is it? It's family. Who's your family, buddy? Dusty Rhodes…that douche! He's a gyrating blob of goo. In fact, it's a damn travesty of justice that he's in the WWE Hall of Fame instead of Daddy DiBiase. After declaring his hatred for all things Rhodes, The MDM tells Code Red to hit the bricks 'cause…

"If you don't, I might just put you in polka dots like your old man."
- Ted DiBiase

Oh and…

Actually, he didn't fire him. I just thought the picture was fitting. Here. Watch a commercial.

Commercial Break. Real people on hidden camera can't get enough of Pizza Hut's mini pizzas. Then again, they're four guys eating in a pizza hut restaurant. Chances are they're high.

3. Mark Henry defeated Cody Rhodes via count out

There's a real irony in Mark Henry. He's the big man who started the whole "creepy horny big man" phenomenon that WWE has used for years. Ever since Sexual Chocolate, they've made Kane a rapist, Khali a kisser, and Viscera a…well, frightening butt-humper. But at the end of the day, the only way they ever seem to be able to push him successfully is to make him a powerhouse. There's no poetry or flowers. It's all Mark Henry - giant man who could throw your car across the street. What else do you need? Sometimes a giant just needs to be a giant. Hell, almost always a giant just needs to be a giant. Putting bells and whistles on him is something you can save for a guy who needs a gimmick to connect. Someone Henry's size is just so awe-inspiring, that you need nothing more than to have him show up and hit people. That's what he did here. There's that old saying that when flesh meets steel, steel wins. Well, when a foot soldier meets a guy who's getting a push, the guy getting the push wins. Riding high on last week's win over Randy Orton, Henry seems to intimidate the polka pots out of young Cody. Rhodes takes a walk and gets the intentional count out. The Honky Tonk Man would be proud.

After the bell, Henry grinned and Michael Cole said that he was creating "his own Legacy here on Raw." Uh-der.

Commercial Break. There was an ad for "Bruno." It's moments like this that Bruno Sammartino is smart to be out of any ties with WWE. Could you imagine some of the things they'd try to do with him and Sasha Baron Cohen? Yikes.

WWE Please Don't Try This At Home. And if you do, please stop taping it and putting it on the Internet. The trampoline is broken and I can see your neighbor hanging her laundry in the background.

1989...

Teddy, come here son. Dusty was telling me that you and Bob's son were holding his kid, Cody, down and putting twigs up his nose.

They weren't twigs. They were chopsticks.

Fine. Whatever. As your punishment, young man, you and Randy have to hang out with Cody forever. If you go to the park, he goes. If you go to the store, he goes. If you grow up and form a wrestling stable based on second or third generation stars, then he goes too.

But he smells like Cheetohs!

ENOUGH! Now take this hundred dollar bill and buy some Garbage Pail Kids. GO!
-
5. Randy Orton pinned Ted DiBiase after an RKO

Ted DiBiase is just waiting for that breakout moment. You can tell when you see him. It's like Randy Orton in a way. We all knew he had talent, but we just had to wait for him to find a personality he could attach it to. DiBiase is the same way. I think one day we'll look back at these days as the early stages of a very successful career. WWE hasn't muddied him up yet with sewage trucks and mooning midgets. He's a guy with name-recognition who wins matches and hangs with bad guys. Although he's rising up the ladder, he's still a blank slate in many ways and when the time comes that they figure out the best persona for him, he's going to be ready for it. Personally, I think the real money is in pairing DiBiase with the Big Show. It would be like The Megabucks for a new generation. Tonight wasn't about megabucks, it was about Teddy. He showed up ready to blow up and knocked his Legacy Chum around the ring. The bout was nothing like the fabled Owen Hart vs. Brian Pillman match on Raw. Neither man was trying to be nice to his stable mate. On the contrary, Ort kicked in his little buddy relentlessly and returned all his earlier offense ten fold. Doubled over, The Million Dollar Baby was easy prey for a variety of the Champ's maneuvers including the Garvin Stomp and hanging DDT. It shockingly only earned him a two count. Cowboy Bob's son responded with some more punches to the kisser and then, after shaking his head in disappointment, he landed a big knee drop. Again, he only earned a two count. The announcers looked at this situation from a different perspective and pointed out how Jack Swagger showed the Champion respect by walking out of their match last week while Randall's Legacy friend didn't do the same. In the end, maybe he should have. The Cole-Christened "viper "slithered into position and went for his RKO…but no! A backslide interrupts the momentum and the eager Ted Jr gets back on the offensive again. He tries to lock his leader the Cobra Clutch - which he calls "Dream Street." But it's tossed off and that's when - bam - the RKO hit. Although he lost the match, Lawler says that maybe Ted earned himself some respect. You know what I think? I think he earned himself an ice cream cone. Come on, kiddo. Rocky Road! Yay!

Triple H is sopping wet in the parking garage when Josh Matthews approaches. I hope no one peed on him off the second story. Ewwwww. Hey Hunter, tonight you have John Cena. What up? Hunter calls his meetings with John Cena "epic." When Randy Orton is tossed into the mix, "all bets are off." Just sit back, drink your water, and witness history. Now if you'll excuse him, The Game needs to get a towel or else he's going to catch cold.

Commercial Break. There's two unseen alternate endings to John Cena's "12 Rounds." That makes three endings most people have never seen.

The VIP Lounge is up and running on your host MVP is still riding high after his date to the BET Awards with Sherri Shepherd. With the ring decorated like a living room, the semi-weekly show is on the air. Now, Montel isn't just excited about that. He's excited about the guest that's here tonight. He's the host of The All American All American American's American Trekkin' In America…Jack Swagger.

Jack Swaggers up the ramp, past the velvet ropes and door man. He comes into the completely redone ring and approaches the leather couch. JSwag opts not to sit for the interview, but stand and listen to Porter's questions. He's so eager to speak, in fact, that he tries to jump in before Monty finishes. MVP chastises the newcomer for his act of disrespect. Then he asks him what we all want to know…how he can punk out against Randy Orton when he's supposed to be an All American? Instead, you're just an All Stupid Head. You're yella!

That's when Swagger plays the jail card. Ha ha. Guess what everyone. Get ready to point…

"You're a con. You spent almost ten years behind bars. I've never gotten a parking ticket much less spent time in prison. MVP. The only thing you were MVP of was a prison basketball league."
- Jack Swagger

Oh no. You didn't. You didn't try that line, did ya? Fine. Montel admits made mistakes. He paid his debt. Now he's trying to use his celebrity status to get young men to go down a different path. So take that and shove it up your All American nose, pal. One more thing, there's more differences between you two other than just the prison thang.

"Unlike you, I have never been afraid of a fight."
- MVP

The two engage in a stare down and Swagga is the first to blink. He turns down the fight on the grounds that he doesn’t "fight criminals." OK, pal. That's your prerogative. Tell you what, though. When you grow a pair of little swaggles, you can come get a fight right here in the VIP Lounge. It's here nine minutes every week or so.

Good job, Teddy! Your dad backstage is so proud of you! The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase tells his son, The Other Ted DiBiase, that tonight's match was a great moment for him. This doesn't get the reaction that he's expecting from his bouncing baby boy. Instead it gets him a an angry accusation that the decisions made tonight were done to fuel his own ego. When father argues back, his son smacks him in the face - breaking the fifth commandment. It's nice to see families slapping each other in the face on Raw and not have them be McMahons for a change.

Commercial Break. If you get Verizon, do you get all those Verizon Network people they show in the commercial? You know, the ones with the satellites and things? I don't know if I have anywhere they could sleep. Whatever, though. Can I make them do other things? Like fix my ceiling? Do I just have to make them do phone stuff? I gotta call Verizon tomorrow.

6. Evan Bourne pinned Kofi Kingston after a Shooting Star Press

Kofi Kingston is money. I don't mean literally. Literally, he's a person. But in terms of his status in WWE, he's set. Grinning baby faces like Ricky Steamboat and Marty Jannetty are long gone lately and it's good to have someone who just seems to fit as a good guy. At this point, he's rising up in the eyes of fans well and really connecting. Now if only they stay away from a heel turn or a talk show segment with tiki chairs and jerk chicken, we'll be set. Evan Bourne is money too. Again, not literally. When WWE toned down their ring style, it helped open doors for guys like Evan. He really stands out every time he hits the ring. That's what he did here. He stood out…on the top rope, hit a Shooting Star Press, and scored the pin. Good for you, Evan. Hope Big Show doesn't come out and eat you.

Uh oh. Big Show's here to eat you. Sorry, kid. The Giant has a hankering for some blood. His chosen victims -the small people. Like Kevin Nash at an X-Division Barbeque, Showster tosses the minis around the ring and beats them like children. Who's children? Your children if you don't watch your step, buddy.

On a side note, remember when Paul Wight left WWE and told people at a press conference that Big Show was his "slave name?" Now he's Big Show again. That's rare, right? You don't see many people going back to their slave name after leaving it behind. Welcome home, Big Slave.

Commercial Break. I saw an episode of "Royal Pains" the other day. I still have a headache.

Last Monday in San Jose, John Cena held an autograph signing. Fans were given copies of "12 Rounds" on DVD as punishment.

On the heels of that video, John Cena arrives to talk to Josh Matthews. He knows about Triple H's comments earlier. All bets are off tonight, huh? Well, no worries. Tonight's WrestleMania, son. At the end of the night, only one man will be standing tall. You know, unless there's some cheesy double DQ or something. Anyway, no more talkie. Game on, poop stick.

Hey man. Can I have your autograph?

Sure thing, kid.

Thanks. Ha ha. Hey. Say hi to your mother for me.

Huh?

You know like from SNL. That skit about you. Hey. Hey dog. Say hello to your mother for me.

That's not me.

Yeah. Marky Mark, right?

No. I'm John Cena.

What?! Dude. Why did you sign my Mark Mark CD then?

I don't know.

What the hell is wrong with you?! You owe me 15 bucks for a new CD!

7. John Cena and Triple H fought to a double disqualification

This was what you might expect. It was good, but nothing that's going to overshadow what they have planned for the pay-per-view. That's something people need to realize about Triple H. He may be this, that, and the other thing, but when it comes to what he does in the ring, he does it well. When there's a big match coming up, he does his best to give his best and he deserves respect for that. John Cena works well with him too. They have a similar style. They're not brawlers, but they are. It makes for a good bout every time they go out. Unfortunately, this one was given a lot of time. Why do I say unfortunately? Because it ended in a hasty intentional DQ. For no reason, Legacy came running in. The only possible thought as to why they waited so long is that they were holding out until right before the show ended. It was weird. Matches like this leave a bad taste in your mouth when they end this way. The better the match, the more annoying it is when they don't finish with a proper end…no matter the future plans. That said, it was good for what it was and Night of Champions could be interesting. How so? Well…

After the bell, Randy Orton showed up on the ramp and informed both men that they were out of luck. No one here won. You're both losers and so forth. With all this yakity yak, you'd forget who the real party host was tonight. That man is Ted DiBiase and Daddy D.B. has something to say…

"Randy you are saying that neither one of these men won. Well I say neither one of them lost. And tonight my opinion carries a lot more weight than yours. So at Night of Champions, you will defend your title in a Triple Threat Match against Triple H and John Cena."
                    - Ted DiBiase

Lots of angry staring goes down and we fade to black.

All in all…this was a good Raw.

Say what you want, but tonight was a good show. I didn't find too many head rolling moments or silly stupidity. There was just a solid outting that put over a few good points and left others to the way side.

Jack Swagger and MVP just notched up as a solid feud to watch for. I think that given this new direction, it could get some notice and Swagger can get the attention he's looking for. Raw is make it or break it time…for both of them.

Ted DiBiase Sr. was awesome. He's always so into what he's doing and even in his evil days, he seemed to love it all. No one laughs like him and you can't help but think he means it. He also worked great with Legacy. By explaining his issues with Cody and his son, it gave his character more depth than 95% of the guys on the roster. All it takes is little things like that to get someone over. By night's end, people really cared about The Million Dollar Man - even those who didn't seem to at first.

I'd hate to think that they're splitting Carlito and Primo up without some sort of long term plan. They finally found a way to hide Carly in the corner while rebuilding his rep on Raw, now they thrust him back into the mid-level heel role. If there's a plan, we're good. If not, we're not.

That's it for me. Don't miss the uncut ClubWWI.com shoot with Tully Blanchard and scroll down right now for a complete list of everyone you'll hear at the Club.

Be Well! Thanks for sharing the Insanity!