Aaron Wood's Smackdown: Dave "The Animal" Batista Challenges King Booker

LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Kane got fed up sitting at home, Brian Kendrick made a muppet of his move, Chavo grew hair while Rey grew nuts and Ken Kennedy got stuck on Smackdown...

THE SHOW

Kane def. MVP by DQ in a "Go Go! Power Ranger!" match

Michael Cole and JBL barely had the time to say hello before we kicked off the show with the first match of the night. MVP came out through his big blue tunnel first as we recapped Kane's debut last week. Porter got pre-match mic time, saying that he wasn't ready for that match, but he's ready now. He kept talking until Kane walked through the RAW entrance (well, it was a supershow taping) less than a week after leaving.

MVP actually took it to Kane in the first few seconds, although Kane would get the advantage. That was until MVP sent Kane into the steps.

However, MVP got a little too cocky, dancing some sort of end-zone dance in front of Kane before coming off the ropes onto Kane's right foot. Kane went for the chokeslam but MVP punted (see, "end-zone"..."punt"...football terms, I'm clever me am.) Kane in the Big Red Baby-Makers and headed for the hills. Suffice to say Kane seethed.

Thoughts - 4.5/10 - Well, there wasn't much to this. MVP hardly had innovative offence, but he was more about picking his spots where he thought Kane would be vulnerable. It's too early to talk about a feud-ending match, but I'd love a lumberjack match.

Elijah Burke def. Vito in a "And now, he's just a guy in a dress..." match

Burke and Terkay made their way out, with Burke still having nothing to do with the entrance video the pair come out to. And Blimey O' Riley, Vito decided that this week, he would be mostly wearing a FRENCH MAID'S OUTFIT! Of course, with them being in Hollywood, JBL used the chance to make a couple of Eddie Murphy references.

This was fairly typical fare with Burke all over Vito, and doing a perfectly good job too, for most of the match with Vito making a short comeback, which culminated in him teasing have Burke's head up his dress. However, with Vito's dress lifted up, Burke got a pretty well disguised low blow, which sent Vito to the ropes. While Burke kept the referee busy, Terkay kicked Vito in the head, allowing Burke to pick up the win.

Thoughts - 5.5/10 - This was a decent little match, but I am genuinely surprised that Vito's undefeated streak comes to an end so suddenly. Obviously, it wasn't going to end up with him carrying a title (or they'd have done it by now), but still, the sudden-ness of it was odd. I wonder if there is going to be any follow up.

Foot...Meet Mouth.

We caught up with Matt Hardy, who was apparently at the show because there was some free coffee going. He ended up doing nothing else all night, even though his wrists were taped. Maybe he also took a shower, as un-used wrestlers are known to do.

Anyway, Gregory Helms approached and the two got into a jaw-jacking session about who was better. Helms claimed he could beat anyone on the roster. And then, as if by magic, Teddy Long entered the scene. Long said that Helms could prove it by facing...The Undertaker. Holy Moly, The Undertaker is wrestling for the hell of it???

I'll give it 10 minutes before he's humiliated again...

William Regal was backstage. He lamented that he had been sidetracked because he was Paul Burchill's wench, annoyed by Vito and that he sucked up to a "bogus king". Only William Regal could split from a heel group like that and still be a heel. Genius. All these recaps had a clip with them, which was rather cool.

We cut back to Regal who said he had enough of being a servant and the butt of everyone's jokes. Me thinks that it wasn't his butt that has been joked about recently, but we shall carry on, because he then introduced his fellow Blue Blood, Dave Taylor, as his new partner. While Taylor showed his age in his face, he didn't look too bad physically.

William Regal & Dave Taylor def. Scotty Taylor & Funaki in a "As if those two were going to be difficult..." match

Suffice to say, Regal and Taylor were all over the faces like stink on poop. Well, mainly they were on Funaki, but there were no problems for the heels at all. Indeed, combined, the offence Funaki and Scotty got in amounted to a crossbody. Hell, even when Funaki tagged out, Regal didn't even blink. Well, it was Scotty coming in, but then, Regal just kicked Scotty's ass. The end came when Taylor hit Scotty hit Scotty with a double-arm suplex with float over into a cover for the three. Regal then put Funaki in a Regal Stretch while Taylor got rid of Scotty.

Thoughts - 5/10 - I know. It was a squash. It wasn't even a competitive one. But it was a damn impressive one where showcasing the heels are concerned. The subject of Kendrick and London was brought up during this match, and I'd like to see how the two styles mix together.

Chavo Guerrero def. Rey Mysterio in a "Well, Rey, it was short and sweet between us..." I Quit, Loser Leaves Smackdown match

Chavo came out first, to some loud booing, followed by Rey, who was sporting the most bizarre shirt I do believe I have ever seen. It was full at the front, the side were basically straps, and the back was a VERY weird shape. It's pretty much as if the person who cut the fabric was blind. It surely can't be on sale for people to buy...

Rey got off to a quick start in the match with his usual offence. A cool spot saw Mysterio send Chavo outside before hitting a perfect flipping seated senton onto the Guerrero. Rey then sent Chavo into the steps and steel post, before getting a chair a smacking Chavito a few times with it. After hitting a 619, Rey went up top, but Vicki grabbed Rey's leg, allowing Chavo to throw the chair in Rey Rey's face.

Chavo then took control, pinpointing Rey's knee from the off. He must have heard it needed surgery or something. He used kicks, stomps, a half-Boston crab and even the steel chair. Indeed, in a very cool spot, Chavo locked Rey's leg into the chair and frog-splashed it!

Chavo then sent it to the outside and up the ramp, still going for the knee. They teased Chavo suplexing Rey to the ground below the ramp, but Rey reversed, ending up with a kick to the back of Guerrero's head, sending him to the floor. Rey limped up to the top of the ramp before hitting a seated senton onto Chavo down. Certainly worth the replay. Then Rey decided to make use of...the Crippler Crossface??? Well, being frank, it was to the Crossface as the STFU is to a proper STF, but it was odd to see him try it. Suffice to say, Chavo still wasn't giving up.

Rey was relentless though, using another chair on the throat of Chavo. Still no quitsies. Chavo would stage a fight back, whipping Rey into some flight cases, almost then managing to run one into Rey's leg. Rey drove Chavo into some trussing. Running back at him, Chavo threw Rey up, but Rey caught it and started to climb. However, Chavo would knock out his balance, hooking Rey up in the struts. Chavo then proceed to take the chair to Mysterio's leg. He hit a couple of shots, but Rey wouldn't quit. However, after only a few more, Rey gave it up.

As officials and medics went to help Rey, Chavo and Vicki celebrated in the ring.

Thoughts - 7.5/10 - Personally, I was expecting a little more from these two. It was as if they did a good job in one area, zoomed to another area, did well there and then moved to the last area before the cool finish. Obviously, I loved the fact that Chavo won because he stuck to his game plan all the way through, targeting the knee. Very enjoyable match, but there was a little something missing.

The Undertaker def. Gregory Helms in a "And that's what a good feud gets you..." match

Well, as Cole seemed at pains to point out, this wasn't for the Cruiserweight Title. Well, unfortunately, this was pretty much as much a squash as the earlier tag team match was. No need to tell you who got all the offence. The long and short of it was that Ken Kennedy tried to pull the same trick as Undertaker did last week by distracting Taker, but Undertaker easily disposed of Kenneth before disposing of Gregory with the Chokeslam and Tombstone. After the match, Kennedy got a chokeslam for his troubles. He almost got a Tombstone too, but he managed to wriggle out of it as JBL pleaded with Ken to get out of Taker's face.

Thoughts - 1/10 - Did Undertaker feel he sold too much at No Mercy and needed to swallow someone up or something, because this was a disgrace, frankly. Helms was never in this, and both he and Kennedy were made to look like rookie jobbers in Taker's presence. And what a great way of following up the really good and entertaining Helms/Hardy feud. Both got last week off and this week, one of them gets a cup of coffee and the other gets killed. ugh...

Somewhere in Canada, Zah is laughing...

I just want to state that I think The Miz is awesome at his character. if only I didn't have to see him or listen to him. Then again, he wouldn't be so great at his character if I wanted to see more of him, would he? Anyway, he came out and did his schtick. Anyway, he was out to host a Diva Dance-Off. And even then, he almost forgot to call them "hot". In (non) major news, The All American Rejects are out and a highly generic dance track that could be made on your mobile phone, if you have right handset, is in as Layla's entrance theme.

Miz then brought out the judges, Nick and Aaron Carter. My name now feels dirty. Nick is a former "Backstreet Boy" and I guess Aaron is the "Ashlee" to Nick's "Jessica". Aaron also seems to think that he may be of African American descent, since he outdoes John Cena in the "wigger" department. However, he may also be worried he has testicular cancer, given the way he was grabbing for them...

Miz dances and serenades for them, while the Carters have the truck roll the footage of Miz's lap dance by Big Dick Johnson at No Mercy. Miz decides to forgive Layla, and forces her to hug, not that she wants to hug all that much. He tells each woman they have 20 seconds to dance.

Kristal is up first, and proceeds to give Miz the lap dance he so badly wanted. Nick didn't seem too impressed.

Jillian (SIGH... Hey, it's my watch now...) took off her shirt to reveal a Madonna-esque metal bra. No Malawian children were involved. And just like this Aaron, the now hooded Mr. Carter seemed to like Jillian too.

Michelle McCool (sigh... She still deserves one.) didn't do much (but look gorgeous) other than use Nick to stretch her leg. Nick looked as if he needed a few minutes alone to think about that one.

Layla did fine, but as a former cheerleader, she should have.

Ashley copied Jillian, only with less cool underwear and with half the looks.

Once the Carters have decided they whisper it to Miz, who walks over to Layla and tells her that...Kristal won! However, The Carters say they chose Layla. Catfight breaks out. Yawn. That's about 10 minutes of my life I'll not get back. I'd rather watch Undertaker/Helms all over again.

Batista def. King Booker by DQ in a "Probably for the best..." World Title match

We got a "Tale Of The Tape" before the Big Show & John Cena made their way out. after the break, we got the big main event entrances with announcements made after the guys came out. Batista got the best of the early going, but when Batista was rolling Booker back inside the ring, Finlay (I wondered where he had gone) came out of nowhere knocking down the former Deacon. Finlay rolled Batista back in where Booker hit a Book End for a close 2 count.

Booker took control as Shoelace and Justin Hawk Bradshaw pondered the meaning behind Finlay's attack. Is he back in league with Booker, or was he just getting at Batista? Booker took control as The King, in a pretty cool spot, hit a scissors kick while Batista was lying on the apron, almost like how Undertaker does his leg drop. Booker also worked in a super-kick for a two count. However, Batista began to make his comeback, with the action spilling outside again, where Batista ended up spearing King Booker into the watching Big Show. Batista took it back in the ring, but after recovering, Big Show ran in and attacked Davey-Boy, drawing the DQ. Cena came in to help Batista out. The faces ended up standing tall in the ring when Teddy Long's music played.

Thaddeus, in a GREAT touch, said that he didn't know if he could do it, but he wanted to see Smackdown's main event next week as Big Show & King Booker vs. Batista & John Cena. I loved that. Unlike every other single time in history, Long didn't just make the match regardless that two of the guys in it weren't on his show. He would have to see what he could do.

Thoughts - 5/10 - I just get my head around these two working with each other. There is something very much lacking, in my opinion. They have failed to impress me in every match they've now had. It wasn't a bad match, however. Just not that good.

Personally, I like that they didn't change the champion, as I think Booker makes for a better match than Batista would at Cyber Sunday.

And that my friends is where the show ended.

OVERALL - 6/10 (-1.5 on last week) - I have to say, this show did not follow up on last week's potential. First of all, both of the big matches announced lacked a certain something. Rey & Chavo seemed to speed to their next point and I just felt a malaise watching the main event. And then, where in the hell was Chris Benoit? He came back big at the PPV, he comes back to Smackdown, wins the US Title on his return and the following week IT'S BARELY AN AFTERTHOUGHT?!?!?!

And speaking of crappy follow ups, I've said what needs to be said on Helms and Hardy. If only I could swear, you'd think I was a Tourettes sufferer with regards to this.

The Diva segment blew chunks. But that was to be expected.

However, when the best thing after the I Quit match is them pulling Dave Taylor out of mothballs, then you know something was up with the show.

Anyhoo, that's all I got right now, but if you have something to say about this week's Smackdown, you can e-mail me at aaron24wood@hotmail.com or come hunt me down on the Insanity Message Boards. OR, you can find me along with the rest of the dribbling masses on My Own Myspace Page!

Well, I'll be back soon enough, but for now, I believe I've fulfilled my contractual obligations. For reading this, And continuing to support World Wrestling Insanity, you're cooler than the other side of the pillow.

I'm out.