Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Daniel Bryan Is The Smartest Man In The Room
By Aaron Wood Jan 6, 2012 - 6:53 PM
new year to you fine readers of this here review. Hope you all had
fun Hogmanay's and Ne'er Days. If you don't understand, look it up.
Anyway, given that it's a new year, you'd think that a hipster
scenester like me would be giving you a string of videos from new
artists set to set the world of music alight this year. Well, that's
happening next week. This week, in honour of the last 6 weeks and my
iTunes chart, this week's videos are of songs that WOULD have
appeared in that countdown but for one thing. I don't actually have
them in mp3 format and thusly not on iTunes for whatever reason.
WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Drew McIntyre made a glorious return
home to Smackdown, only to get hosed and treated like crap, Daniel
Bryan & Big Show had a bitch-off, Hunico couldn't afford the same
sort of low-rider's Eddie had, Goldust got to look more "Natural"
and Wade Barrett was a stairmaster...
opened with a recap package of last week's main event and Randy
Orton's tumble down some stairs. After the credits, the announcers
talked about how there would be new info on Orton's status as well as
pimping the main event. Well, when I say "they", I mean
Josh & Cole, as they noted Booker T was nowhere to be seen
Rhodes def. Booker T in a "There's something very wrong in going
from Booker to Goldust, even if the latter is your own brother..."
match to retain the Intercontinental Title Lillian
Garcia was wearing a ridiculous dress. It needs to be said. There
was also a sign at the front row saying "Y2J LOVES BOTOX".
Booker started off on stop until Cody managed to get Booker into the
corner where he took over with shots of his own and a hard whip into
the corner, while looking like he was beginning to work over the arm.
They ended up trading chops, which Booker won before he hit a big
back drop and a back kick off an arm wringer for a 2 count.
tossed Cody over the top, and while he skinned the cat back in,
Booker was ready and clotheslined him all the way back over.
However, after Booker went out after him, he was dropped onto the
guardrail by Cody before Rhodes hit a running knee to the head
against the railing as we took a break.
returned with Booker T meeting the corner. However, he got a back
slide for a quick 2 count. A side kick picked up another 2 count.
Cody blocked a corner before hitting a moonsault, albeit one that
barely connected with Booker, almost having to clothesline him
mid-flip to take Booker down. While it picked up a 2 count, Cody not
started feeling his knee, be it for real or fake. Cody locked on a
Butterfly hold, but Booker got up pretty quickly and started a
comeback. A side slam and a spinebuster both picked up 2 counts.
Booker went for the Axe Kick, but Cody avoided it. He also blocked
the Book End. The Beautiful Disaster was avoided and at the second
time of asking, the Axe Kick hit. However, it also only picked up a
2 count, albeit a long one.
faked Booker out on the corner rollup and then avoided another axe
kick. Cody was whipped off the ropes, but ducked under a leg lariat
and hit the Beautiful Disaster for the three count. After Cody left
the ring, we concentrated on Booker in the ring, as the fans gave him
an ovation to ease his disappointment.
Shadow & Tom Vek - "Warning Call"
came back from break to see a replay of the finish, with Cole
gloating it up, before heading backstage to see Cody walking the
halls, pleased as punch when he came across Dustin Rhodes. He
congratulated his brother, noting he beat one of the all time greats.
Cody mockingly asked if it was flattery. There was a reason they
didn't speak because Dustin had nothing of use to say to Cody then
and he doesn't now. He said it wasn't a surprise that he was more of
a success than Dustin, and hey, he's well on the way to being better
than their dad. And if Dust was thinking of throwing on the
ridiculous paint again, Cody would make sure to turn him from a joke
into a laughing stock.
faded into Zack Ryder with Teddy Long, as Ryder was thanking Teddy
for all he had done for him. And what the shit would that be? He
said it was time to move on however from being Teddy Long's
assistant. However, Zack had a good idea for a replacement. Teddy
wondered who, when Drew walked in. It wasn't Drew however. It was
Santino Marella. F**k. He said he could be of great assistance to
Long. He could update his calendar, sync his iPod and fix the jam in
the printer. He could also give Long useful info. Such as last week
when he said if Drew lost, he would consider firing him...he
got in Marella's face. Long stepped in and said that if he didn't
win his match tonight, he would be on very thin ice. He told Marella
that if he won, he would be his assistant. When Drew wondered what
was in it for him, Long said he may consider not firing him. Aksana
made her presence known (to Santino's credit and the only thing
making him a hair's breadth less-hateful than Eric Young, Santino
noticed unlike everyone else ever), and when Marella was excused,
Long invited her out for dinner after the show.
Royal Rumble moment took us back to 2008 in Madison Square Garden as
we saw the likes of Foley, HBK, Batista and HHH coming in, only for
#30 to be the near-miraculous return of John Cena.
went backstage to see AJ & Alicia Fox talking. AJ talked of her
New Year's spent with Daniel Bryan. She positively gushed about him,
but she was worried about his match later. Alicia wondered if his
ego could handle a loss. Then the awesomeness began. Daniel Bryan
entered, having clearly heard the last sentence and in an entirely
overly positive way wondered if he'd heard something about his ego.
He beat Big Show 1-2-3 to the World Title! Fox was kinda weirded out
by this and left. He told Aj he couldn't believe she was friend with
Fox. AJ said Alicia and indeed she was concerned about him. He
wondered if AJ thought he couldn't win. She said it wasn't that but
she was just worried. Bryan, not listening to word she was saying,
cutting her off saying that after tonight, they could "celebrate"
He didn't do air quote, but he may as well have. He gave her a kiss
on the forehead and left, leaving AJ rather bemused. This was
awesome stuff from Bryan.
def. Heath Slater in a "Well, the confirms it. Heath Slater is
the new Chavo Guerrero" match As
Hornswoggle came out, we went back to last week and his encounter
with Heath Slater alongside Sheamus. Hornswoggle tried to get Slater
to look up, and eventually did, managing to get a couple of shots in
and a bite on the ass. Horny headbutted him in the nuts and kicked
Slater in the head. However, Slater soon took over, smooshing him in
the corner with his boot. Slater up Swoggle up top, but He slapped
Slater and went for a crossbody. Slater caught him and took him over
to the ropes. However, Hornswoggle pulled Slater's hair, forcing him
over the top rope too, and pulling him out, while Horny stood on the
apron to win.
in his embarrassment, got right back in the ring and knocked Horny
down, putting some boots to him before Justin Gabriel ran down to
make the save, hitting a STO and 450 Splash.
Perri - "Jar Of Hearts"
def. Ted DiBiase in a "You know, I'm beginning to think that
since Ted DiBiase met James Guttman, his career has gone off a
cliff..." match Ted
came out first, followed by Hunico, who was on the bike with Camacho.
Hunico had a live mic, as Hunico said they'd never been invited to
one of Ted's party's, Camacho getting a line asking the same thing.
Hunico said that maybe they would have to crash the party. DiBiase
started off on top while Cole tried to claim that he had bought a
low-rider bike and was crossing the border to get his haircut and
take lessons. They canned Matt Striker for less stupid stuff than
landed a sitout facebuster powerbomb for a 2 count. However, Hunico
sent DiBiase into the middle turnbuckle before working over the left
shoulder. He locked on a Fujiwara armbar, but DiBiase managed to get
back to his feet and hit a Samoan Drop. He then avoided a corner
charge and hit a dropkick, atomic drop and misdirection clothesline
for a 2 count. Hunico got a shot on the shoulder again however and
took Ted down. What Hunico did next was both awesome and difficult
to describe. He hooked Ted's arms behind him with his leg, rolled
Ted over and then tying up Ted's leg the same you would for a Texas
Cloverleaf, stretched out over his shoulder. It looked like a
submission hold, but also also very much a pin as Ted's shoulders
were on the mat for a three count. Very unique and very cool.
biggest hit TNA has ever given WWE, this... Backstage,
we saw Wade Barrett talking to a couple of doctors in the doctor's
room. After the break, Wade came down to the ring. Barrett said he
told the doctors not to bother coming out to give an update as he was
going to handle it. Like they were ever going to anyway... An
interview with Striker backstage maybe, but you weren't going to have
any doctors coming out for jack-squat. He showed a replay of last
week's match, notably the brawl in the lift and the tumble down the
said that Orton's injury was a by product of the match, and he had a
herniated disc in his lower back. As for his career? He was
finished. Of course, he might try and come back, but he'd never be
the same psychologically. Another victim of the Barrett Barrage.
Ironically, the Royal Rumble match would be in Orton's hometown of
St. Louis. Ironic as rather than see Orton winning, Orton would have
to sit with the fans and watch him win, as there was no-one who could
stop him from winning.
thought they could though. Namely Sheamus. Sheamus was confused
because he didn't know who was standing in the ring. Wade or his
Uncle Wilfred. Y'see, Wilf loved the sound of his own voice, who
talked of fights he's won. However, he was a plain sheep herder and
his stories were just fantasy. And here was Wade talking as if he
was going to win the Rumble without any problem. Well, Wade would
have problems, and Sheamus was the biggest one. See, Uncle Wilfred
was kicked in the head by a mule as a boy, it being his excuse for
his stories, but what was Wade's?
Jinder Mahal came out. Wade left the ring and stood at ringside
while Mahal got in the ring. He got in Sheamus' face and slapped
him, starting a fight. With Sheamus' back turned, Wade got in and
attacked himself. This essentially led to a 2 on 1 fight. Sheamus
made a comeback, hitting axe handles and powerslams. He looked for
the Celtic Cross on Wade, but Mahal broke it up. He knocked Mahal
out of the ring, but Wade hit The Winds Of Change. He left with his
music playing. Mahal however, got back in the ring and locked on the
Camel Clutch for a while.
mean, Mahal has had one foot in the grave of Future Endeavours for
ages now. The only real explanation why this no-talent has suddenly
gotten a push is because TNA has started their "Ring Ka King"
(and come on, not only is it typical WWE-baiting as it translates as
"King Of The Ring", but it also sounds so much like TNA.
That is to say, "Rinky Dink") promotion in India and it
looks really quite interesting.
& Cole recapped what happened at TLC, with Big Show winning the
World Title, only for Daniel Bryan to cash it in. They then did a
Tale Of The Tape. You know, just because Bryan is a midget.
- "The World Is Yours"
Marella def. Drew McIntyre in a "If you aren't a fan of fruity
language, may I suggest skipping a few paragraphs???"
f**king Merella minced down to the f**king ring like a f**king goof,
doing f**king laps like a f**king bell-end. Drew didn't even get his
full f**king entrance. Drew is so f**ked, that even Cole agrees with
Teddy f**king Long in his position on him. Drew kept shoving his
f**king dickwad of an opponent, but the tat kept getting up again.
He tried a float over int he corner but Drew kicked him in the
stomach. The f**ker kicked out at 2. Drew hit an awesome suplex for
a 2 count, before choking the stupid f**ker in the ropes. He looked
to finish, but the jammy arse turned it into a jacknife pin for a
quick 2 count. Drew remained on top however.
worked over the f**king moron in the corner and put him up top.
However, as Drew went up for a superplex, the cheating f**ker of an
opponent slipped over and pulled Drew face first onto the top of the
ring post. The greasy little f**ker set up for his shitty f**king
finisher and hit Drew with the f**king God damn Corba for the three
count. I hate Santino Marella. I HATE SANTINO MARELLA. If you
thought Mike Johns hated TNA, be ready for some bile now that Santino
is seemingly being put on my beloved show for more inane shitty
unfunny comedy. Santino is as funny as losing a limb in a car
the break, Drew was in disbelief backstage when Teddy walked up to
him. The vindictive little piece of garbage that is Teddy Long
wouldn't listen to his reasoned argument. He said that was strike 2.
And if it was strike three next week, he may well be out. Because
yeah, we seemingly aren't at all going to discount the fact that Big
Zeke clearly cheated. Drew left and Marella walked in saying they'd
make beautiful music together while doing his idiotic trombone
& Primo def. Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne in a "Well, I
guess this is what you get for snitchin'..." match The
Latinos didn't get an entrance, although seeing Rosa dance is all you
need to see. And Rosa got an inset promo, saying something in
Spanish. I can only assume it was something bigging up her boys and
slagging off Kingston & Bourne, who had a new TitanTron to go
along with their new merchandise shirts.
and Epico started things off. Bourne got the upperhand long enough
to tag in Kofi. However, the Colon cousins took control of things,
and started making quick tags while working over Kofi in the corner.
Kingston blocked an Epico charge and hit a cross body, and it allowed
a tag to Bourne, who ran wild on Primo with various kicks and a
hurricanrana. Bourne hit a corner splash before going up and hitting
the double knees for a 2 count, as Epico broke up the ring. The
match broke down, with Rosa blocking Kofi's dive out onto Epico,
before Epico pulled him out of the ring. In the ring, Evan kicked
Primo down and went up top. However, Epico pulled Primo out of the
way from the Shooting Star Press, with Primo taking immediate
advantage for the three count.
went backstage with Matt Striker as he introduced an incredibly happy
Big Show. He was clearly entirely confident of beating the little
midget. He said he never underestimates any opponent, but his
confidence was very high. When Bryan pinned him, he was unconscious.
He's conscious tonight, so... He said that Bryan was a good
wrestler when Bryan walked in. The still super-happy Bryan said he
was a VERY good wrestler, and one day a great one. But Show throws
it out there like he didn't work every day to be that. He wasn't
born a genetic freak. If he had Show's size and his own skill, it
wouldn't have been nine years between titles and wouldn't have the
shortest reign in history.
mood changed and he put his hand menacingly on Bryan's shoulder.
Bryan's mood now changed, and he sternly told Show to get his hand
off his shoulder. Indeed, i thought he was going to break out into
Heston's speech from “Planet Of The Apes”, the way he said it.
Show rather condescendingly asked if Bryan was now a tough guy.
Bryan again told him to get his hand off him, which Show did before
leaving. This was great.
Del Ray - "Video Games"
announced that Sheamus would meet Jinder Mahal next week. If that
goes more than 6 minutes, there is something very wrong.
def. Natalya in a "Well, let's see the fathers & daughters
mixed tag happen then..." match Natalya
was already in the ring as we joined her. In a neat touch, we saw a
video of her father, Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart in action,
and then, when Tamina came out, we saw a video of Superfly Jimmy
Snuka in the ring as well. Natalya immediately took down Tamina and
generally mauled her. She looked for an early Sharpshooter, but
Tamina kicked her off. They did a double cross body. Tamina hit a
Samoan Drop before heading up top for the Superfly Splash and the win
side of about a minute.
went back to RAW. Rather than do anything with Jericho's
re-re-debut, it was all about the main event. Indeed, there was not
word one on Jericho on this show, which was something of a surprise.
If' have thought the way he came back would have made for a pretty
great video package. That said, the post-match part of this video
was pretty damn great itself.
saw the now stoic Daniel Bryan and the still relatively happy Big
Show walking the halls.
Royal Rumble moment aired, in this case, it was once again the first
Rumble in 1988, which Hacksaw Jim Duggan won. Imagine if there was a
Wrestlemania spot on the line back then...
Horrors - "Still Life"
Bryan def. Big Show by DQ in a "Booker T who?" match for
the World Title Mark
Henry came out as he took a seat at ringside on guest commentary,
with Lillian giving it the main event introductions. As Daniel Bryan
came out, Henry was asked for comments, and said Bryan was a great
talent...in the midget division. I think you'll find Mark, that it
was called the Juniors Divison...
a funny moment, after Henry's comment, he chastised Cole for asking
who would win between Bryan and Hornswoggle, asking how it was
relevant to him, telling him if he didn't have anything smart to say,
then say nothing at all. Big Show went for Bryan, but Bryan easily
avoided him in all sorts of way. Show eventually got him and chopped
him in the corner, before picking up with both hands and tossig him
down, sending Bryan out for a think we as took a break.
returned with Big Show shoving Daniel Bryan out once again. However,
this was as Big Show went out after him, which allowed Bryan to hit a
baseball slide. However, Show caught Bryan's plancha. However,
Bryan slipped behind and pushed Show into the ringpost and then
kicked Big Show in the head, before looking for the countout.
However Show got back in at 8. Show immediately chopped Bryan down,
but Bryan took out a leg and hit some kicks. However, the pin was
kicked out of with authority. Bryan hit a missile dropkick, but
again, it only picked up 2 and the kickout was with authority, this
time sending Bryan outside.
realised that he was now bleeding from the mouth as Henry stood up
and told Bryan to stop taking a rest and get back in the ring, much
like he had to Big Show earlier. As Bryan was otherwise distracted,
Show pulled Bryan up by the head. However, Bryan hotshotted Show.
He headed up, but his dive off was countered with a chop to the
chest. Bryan avoided a charge into the corner, but he bounced off
the ropes and was hit with a spear for a 2 count. Henry praised
Bryan for this kick out.
wanted a chokeslam, but Bryan countered into a guillotine. Show got
down on a knee. When he looked to power out, Bryan switched round
and locked in the LeBell Lock. He lasted some time before powering
out of it. Show quickly loaded up for the WMD, but it was long
enough for Bryan to see what was coming, ducking out of the ring.
realising that his best moves weren't likely to be good enough looked
around for ideas. He then saw Henry and had an idea. He squared up
to Henry and talked some trash, prompting Henry to shove Bryan on his
ass. DanBry then awesomely played to the ref, being all "Did
you see what just happened?!?!", with the referee having no
choice but to call for the DQ, and indeed, a DQ that gave Daniel
Bryan the win.
realised that he had been shafted by the midget. Upon Garcia's
announcement, Bryan went into fully overblown celebration mode like
he had just own the belt clean at Wrestlemania, heading up the ramp
celebrating with the belt shouting "YES!", Show looked
pissed and Henry looked more bemused than anything as the show went
off the air.
- The main parts of this show were awesome. However, as high as the
highs were, the lows were just as low. Let's start with the great.
And that great was essentially Daniel Bryan. He was such an awesome
douchecanoe with an excellent performance. His interactions with AJ
& Alicia were great, being so disingenuous with Alicia and then
rather possessive of AJ. And then his stuff with Big Show backstage
was also great, niggling at the giant. I mean, Big Show was heelish
enough himself that it should continue the "Who's turning
first?" idea, but at this point, there can only be one answer,
and that's Bryan.
main event was almost perfectly booked as well. Bryan got some good
shots in and had a good chance of winning. He'd likely have beaten
anyone else with that match. But Big Show was just so damn big.
That finish was pretty much perfect. Often that sort of finish would
be done simply because there was no apparent way out of it. But on
this occasion it was the perfect way to to continue the story Bryan
was smart enough to know that if there was a DQ, he'd keep his title.
And indeed, rather than being counted out or using a weapon and
getting himself DQ'ed, the record books say that he won the match,
even though none of it was Show's fault.
other totally awesome part of the main event? Mark Henry on
commentary. I don't know if he was told to cut down Cole when he
could, but his put-downs were WAY better than anything Booker can get
out there. And he wasn't just great because he kept Cole in check.
He got the match over really well while saying he was better than
either at the same time.
other real high point of the show was the opener, because it was a
really fun match. Maybe not the story I expected, which was more
akin to the match they had on RAW, as in this case, Booker largely
controlled the pace and any work Cody did on the arm was largely just
there to give Cody something to do while on top, yet all the time,
the talk was of Booker needing to keep up with Cody, especially over
a distance. But it was a strong match. And Cody's bit with his
brother afterwards was well done.
I'm afraid the good times end there this week. I didn't dislike the
stuff with Drew, Teddy & Santino because I hate Santino. I
didn't dislike it because I love Drew and he's clearly being booked
like a tool. I didn't dislike because it now means that more weeks
than not, I'm going to have to put up with more Santino "comedy"
like Corey has to put up with Eric Young. Well, to be honest, I did
dislike it for all those things, but neither were the main reason. I
just dislike the whole angle for the same reasons as I thought it
sucked last week. The whole angle sucks and does nothing for
noted, it doesn't get Drew over because he's booked as a whiny fool
who couldn't cut it on RAW. It doesn't get Teddy over because he
looks like an idiot for signing not only a loser, but a loser who is
on huge pay. It doesn't help the show because Long is signing a guy
who couldn't cut it on the other show. Even if Drew wins next week,
things will still be as bad for him. He won't suddenly be booked
like he was last time he was on Smackdown. And frankly, at this
point, I won't even be surprised if he loses and then after the show
on Friday, WWE confirms the inevitable.
wasn't a fan of the "Over The Top Rope challenge". I like
Hornswoggle, and it's nice to keep him involved, but this is just too
much. It's hard to suspend my disbelief that that is what would
happen in such a situation, even against Heath Slater. That said, if
this does move to a Gabriel/Slater feud, that could be fun.
always find the segments where Sheamus relating something to a member
of his family are his weakest. The size his family must be...
Indeed, you can lump in the olden day warriors in with that too.
Just something mildly irritating about them. That said, lining him
up in a feud with Wade could be fun. So why Jinder Mahal is at all
involved is beyond me. And seriously, TNA's satellite promotion is
the ONLY reason I can think that WWE is suddenly treating Mahal like
he's a player. I mean, their first tapings results coming out and
his new push essentially coincide.
tag match and Natalya/Tamina were fine enough. Obviously, I'd have
preferred longer in the women's match than around a minute, but I
don't think this is the end, and showing videos of their fathers was
a very neat touch. You
can contact Aaron via his personal
Facebook or the WWI
Fan Page. All he asks is that if you do "friend"
him personally that you write a little note noting that you read the