Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: No DQ...No Count Out...No Contest...
By Aaron Wood Jan 13, 2012 - 7:24 PM
TweetWell,
now that 2011 is fully behind us, it's time to look to the year
ahead, and so this week's videos are the top 5 "BBC Sound of
2012" artists/groups. Since 2003, the BBC has done a deal where
it has poll "taste makers" in music (such as DJs, A&R
people, record label heads etc.) to see who they think will make a
big impact on the year. 50 Cent was the first winner in '03, while
others have included Jessie J and Adele. Other acts in the various
top 5's have included Lady Gaga, Florence & The Machine, Klaxons,
Dizzee Rascal & Franz Ferdinand. So this week is this year's top
5. That's not to say I particularly love, or even like these
artists. They will be in the coming weeks.
LAST
WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Zack Ryder showed he was the worst ever
HR person on the planet, Wade had 29 problems and a Sheamus was 1,
Drew continued to get screwed, Hunico couldn't decide how to beat Ted
DiBiase and Daniel Bryan had to think about how to beat Big
Show...
THIS
WEEK… We
opened with a recap of last week/preview of this week's main event.
They played it up as Show's chance for vindication while Bryan
couldn't run away or escape.
Well,
there goes one of Bryan's "outs"... Lillian
Garcia, in a far better dress for her than last week, opened the show
introducing Daniel Bryan, as we saw that Booker was back with Josh &
Cole this week. There was also a sign in the front row that said
"#Bazinga". Awesome. Bryan said winning the title was a
dream come true and defending the title was what he lived for. He
successfully defended the title last week against Big Show. This
drew a "You Suck" chant, to which Bryan replied "Don't
get mad at Big Show". He said that after last week, everyone
else would have moved onto another challenger, but not him. He would
have had to tell his future grandchildren that the match last week
ended sucked. The crowd continued to rile against Bryan, who went
off on, well, The Internet essentially, for saying Bryan deliberately
got DQ'ed and was thrilled when Big Show announced their match later
on.
He
went over the stips, saying he thought No DQ & No Count Out was a
little excessive, since it was all about one man, Mark Henry, saying
he should be suspended. Henry soon enough interrupted. Mark
wondered if he heard Bryan right. Suspended? For what he did last
week? If he was going to get suspended, he would have his money's
worth. Big Show came out on Monday and told him about a meeting he
had with Teddy Long. Henry also had one. As a result of what he did
last week (which Henry didn't think was wrong), he was banned from
being at ringside. However, on the flip side that Henry would get
the winner next week for the Title if he kept his nose clean. Bryan
said that was fine by him. This was effective in what it set out to
do.
05:
Niki & The Dove ("DJ, Ease My Mind")
Justin
Gabriel def. Heath Slater in a "Finally, the former Tag
Champions get around to feuding..." match They
said that Slater demanded the match given that Gabriel rescued
Hornswoggle last week. I'm guessing Gabriel accepted just so he
could he on TV... Bizarrely, when showing a replay of last week,
this UK broadcast censored Gabriel's 450 splash on Slater.
Slater
put Gabriel down, but he pressed himself back up and headscissored
Slater. Slater hit an atomic drop catching Gabriel jumping out of
the corner, before then hitting a neckbreaker off a whip into the
corner. After a short rest hold, Slater hit a spinebuster for a 2
count. Slater argued with the referee for that count before heading
up. As he did this, Hornswoggle's music played. Slater and the ref
looked to the ramp, but Slater realised Hornswoggle had come from
under the ring. this distraction allowed Gabriel to recover, crotch
Slater and hit the 450 (not censored this time) for the win.
Backstage,
Bryan was warming up when AJ walked in. She said she was so proud of
him, and win, lose or draw, she loved him. He seemed genuinely
touched.
We
aired the same Royal Rumble moment from 1998, which Austin won,
setting up to face Shawn Michaels with Iron Mike Tyson's
involvement.
Cody
Rhodes def. Ezekiel Jackson in a "I wonder what will be more
surprising. To remember that Rhodes beat Zeke for the IC Title or
remembering that Jackson was champion at all???" match Cody
came out first and cut off his music with a live mic. He realised
that most people in Laredo spoke the Spanish, but for the legal
citizens of his country, he felt the urge to remind us that for five
months. Or "Cinco" to the border jumpers. And in such
time he's outshone the likes of Pedro Morales, Tito Santana, Booker T
and even Goldust. But in 2012, his plans superseded being the
greatest IC Champion of all time. He was going to "pull an
Ultimate Warrior". While that could mean many things, in this
case, it meant being IC and World Champion at the same time. And
step one was being the winner of the Royal Rumble. Just to dick with
the crowd, he signed off with an "Arriba!"
Cody
had a side headlock pushed off, but as Zeke tried to suplex Cody in
from the apron, Cody escaped and hit a DDT. Rhodes hit a couple of
shots before stomping Jackson to the mat. He locked on a crossface
chinlock, but Zeke powered out of that. Hard whips across the
corners, before taking a splash. Jackson hit a bodyslam, but as he
went for the Torture Rack, , Cody escaped it. The Beautiful Disaster
was avoided, but Jackson was dropped into the corner, which this
allowed Cody to hit the kick, followed by CrossRhodes for the
win.
04:
Skrillex ("Right In")
After
the break, we took a look at the first inductee into this year's WWE
Hall Of Fame. I think we know him... I think putting Edge in now is
a smart move, because it's generally accepted that when you are in
the Hall Of Fame, you aren't an active worker. And while Edge has
only been on a couple of shows since retiring, I know a couple of
folks who think he's just out for a while.
All
of Santino's ideas suck... backstage,
Santino was with Teddy Long. He had some ideas. One was a a cage
match, with a giant cage around a medium cage around a small cage,
with the person who made the cages as referee. And he also wanted
Jack Tunney's ruling on reptiles overturned. David Otunga turned up
and said that Johnny Ace wanted to go over who would be entered into
the Royal Rumble. Santino had another idea. Him vs. Otunga
later.
They
left and there was a knock at the door. Long assumed it was Aksana,
however it wasn't since there was no lighting or sax. It was, in
fact, Drew McIntyre. He barely got a word out when Long rudely spoke
over him and said that he wasn't seeing any results for his large
investment. He then kicked Drew out of his office, saying his match
was next.
Ted
DiBiase def. Drew McIntyre in a "F**k..." match After
the break, we saw Drew already in the ring, waiting for DiBiase.
Before the bell rang, Hunico and Camacho came out on the bicycle,
eventually joining commentary. This allowed Drew to hit a big boot
out of the gate for a 2 count. Ted came back, sending Drew out
before hitting a suicide dive. Drew dropped Ted onto the apron and
then drove him into it before rolling him back in for a 2 count.
Drew did some choking. We saw a shot of Hunico with his feet up on
the announce desk, just chillin'.
Drew
worked an armbar, but Ted got out of it and when avoided a slam,
before getting a boot up in the corner. DiBiase hit an atomic drop
and then a front dropkick and misdirection clothesline. Ted went up
to the middle rope, but Drew hit a clothesline, but again, only
picked up a 2 count. Drew put Ted up top for back back superplex,
but DiBiase elbowed Drew down, where he crotched himself. This
allowed Ted to hit Dream Street for the three count, leaving the
announcers to wonder if Drew was done. Hunico (who was pretty damn
entertaining on commentary) and Camacho gave Ted a golf clap while
Drew pleaded with the referee on the ramp.
Sheamus
def. Jinder Mahal in a "Hey Jinder, not only do we not expect
you to win the Rumble, we expect you to challenge Santino's record
time..." match Sheamus
came out first, as we saw a recap of last week's 2 on 1 fight. Mahal
followed in Cody's footsteps with a mic in his hand. He said he was
glad no one expected him to win the Rumble as he was most dangerous
when least expected. By that logic, he should be squashing Sheamus
here. Sheamus started with the clubbing blows right off the bat.
Mahal with a back elbow on a corner charge, but Sheamus stayed on
top, blocking a hiptoss and hitting a clothesline. He went for the
Celtic Cross right away, but Mahal slipped out the ring. Sheamus
went out after him and took him down. He rolled Mahal back in and
hit the slingshot Battering Ram. Mahal blocked the clubbing blows in
the ropes and was able to take control of things, hitting the high
knee for a 2 count.
Mahal
then caught Sheamus with a kick to the chest in the ropes and a
neckbreaker for a 2 count. Jinder locked on a chinlock, but Sheamus
was quickly out of it, hitting a backdrop. Sheamus then started his
comeback, hitting the clubbing shots this time, followed by a suplex
into the ring. He went up top for the Battering Ram. He then set
for and hit the Brogue Kick. Hope Mahal enjoyed mildly looking like
a threat.
Backstage,
Big Show and Jack Doan were talking when AJ walked up. She wanted to
talk about Daniel. She didn't want him getting hurt tonight. Show
was gonna do what he had to do, but Bryan was a decent guy with good
heart. Show assured her he didn't intend on hurting Daniel, just
getting his title back. Bryan rocked up and said that first Show
wanted his title and now his girl?!?! Well he was getting neither.
Show said that said the title had changed Bryan, incredulous. He
told Show to leave, which he ended up doing. Daniel told AJ he was
her knight in shining armour and he wouldn't let Show intimidate her.
He then noted she said she loved him, but Bryan wanted to know how
much? He led her off to discuss something.
03:
Azealia Banks ("Slow Hands")
We
then went to another Rumble moment, with HHH's domination of the 2002
Royal Rumble, coming off his first quad injury, going onto to whoop
Jericho's ass at Mania.
David
Otunga def. Santino Marella in a "John Laurinaitis' assistant >
Teddy Long's assistant" match Otunga
was already in the ring as Santino minced around the ring. That
said, the word I'm looking for got that dude fired from Grey's
Anatomy... Santino got a double leg takedown before going for a
front face lock. However, Otunga took control of the match.
However, Marella slipped out of a powerslam, getting a roll up for 2.
Otunga hit a clothesline and then used the ropes to hit a couple of
elbows. After a rest hold, Marella started a comeback, with the
hiptoss and falling headbutt. He went for the Cobra, but it was
blocked and Otunga hit the Air Raid Crash (as per WWE '12) for the
win.
They
sent it to the announcement of the Four Horsemen being inducted into
the Hall Of Fame. After that, they did a tease that the "Funkasaurus
is in da house!"
The
RAW Rebound was all about the continuation of what I assume is Kane
having Zack Ryder turn against the man he looks up to in Cena having
somewhat put Ryder (and now Eve) in danger.
Brodus
Clay def Tyson Kidd in a "What The Funk?" match Tyson
Kidd was in the ring as he awaited the appearance of THE FUNKASAURUS!
They did the same stuff as Monday night. Whereas Curt Hawkins was
nonplussed, Tyson was utterly confused. And in the time it took to
type the last sentence, Brodus hit one running headbutt and the
flying crossbody to win in about 10 seconds. They started dancing
again.
Backstage,
Teddy Long, clearly having Ernest Miller flashbacks, was interrupted
by Aksana. The talked about next week's Smackdown being in Vegas.
Long said what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. She suggested they
play at the Casino because she loves to hit on black. Long did a
spit take on his coffee. Oh crap. Next week is in Vegas? I'm
smelling surprise wedding.
They
re-did the tale of the tape from last week for Bryan and Big Shwo to
show the immense size difference.
02:
Frank Ocean ("Swim Good")
Our
next Royal Rumble moment was from 1995 as Shawn Michaels ran the
table to win the match.
Tamina
def. Natalya in a "I could swear this aired last week..."
match Just
like last week, Natalya was already in the ring, waiting for
Tamina.
Just
like last week, Natalya started on top with shots to Tamiona, only
this time hitting a delayed suplex rather than trying a
sharpshooter.
Just
like last week, Tamina then immediately hit a Samoan Drop.
Just
like last week, she went up top and hit the Superfly Splash for the
three count inside of a minute.
Only
difference was Tamina's music and her more overt references to her
father.
As
Tamina was leaving the ring, Wade Barrett came out with a mic. He
stayed on the stage. He said earlier, we may have been impressed by
Sheamus. However, he was not impressed a big burly Irish man with a
tempter problem. However, he was a man of class and integrity and in
control of his faculties. he was a man who would be winning the 2012
Royal Rumble. He was/is Wade Barrett. He challenged Sheamus to a
match on next week's Smackdown. He thanked us for the time and God
Save The Queen!
A
new style of "Don't Try This At Home" PSA (at least to me)
aired, with Kofi Kingston in the ring in an empty arena giving the
speech. Pretty cool.
01:
Michael Kiwanuka ("Home Again")
Back
from break, they confirmed it would be Sheamus vs. Wade next week,
along with Henry getting his title shot.
Daniel
Bryan & Big Show fought to a No Contest in a "Just because
it's no DQs or countout does NOT mean there HAS TO be a winner, let
alone a finish, you know. It just heavily implies it..." No DQ
& No Count Out match for the World Title Big
Show came out first, followed by Daniel Bryan. When he got down to
ringside, he motioned to the back, and AJ came out. Lillian gave it
the main event introductions. Bryan offered a handshake, and after
hesitating, Show grabbed his hand and gave him a Gorilla Press Drop.
Show hit some chops to the chest and a big biel. Eventually Bryan
blocked a corner charge. However, he jumped out of the corner right
into a lovely spear from Show. However, Bryan was half under the
rope even when Show went for a pin, which didn't start. Bryan
slipped to the outside as Show & AJ looked on and we took our
final break.
We
came back and Bryan was laid out on the announce table, with a chop.
Bryan grabbed a chair and hit a shot to the legs before laying in at
least 10 shots to the back. Show punched the chair out of his hand,
eventually, which sent Bryan scurrying into the ring in shock.
Knowing that he had the power advantage anyway, Show decided to bring
the chair with him to kill Bryan. Bryan caught Show on the apron
with a dropkick and then hit some more chair shots before Show fired
back again.
Back
in the ring, Bryan hit some kicks to the chest, but Show came back
again. Or at least he did until Bryan dropkicked the knee. Bryan
jabbed the chair into Show's gut and then hit a short DDT onto the
chair for a 2 count. Show caught a kick and made a comeback, with
shots and a shoulderblock. He called for the chokeslam, but Bryan
avoided it and clipped the knee. He went for the chair again, but
Show punched the chair down.
Bryan
slipped out of the ring, where Show followed. He punched Bryan down
before clearing the announce table. However, once again, Bryan
blocked the chokeslam and picked up the chair. More shots to the
back before went jumped off the apron. However, he was met with a
chop. Bryan ran away, running past AJ. Show ran at speed into AJ,
knocking her down. That was essentially it there.
Show
looked distraught at what he done, actually crying while Bryan tried
to process what had happened as medics ran down to put her on a
backboard and cart her off. The crowd, a caring lot, chanted "She's
not dead". Big Show and Bryan followed the stretcher up the
ramp. Rbyan LAMBLASTED Show on the way back SCREAMING at Show that
she was 95lbs and he was 500lbs. Bryan yelled that if the title was
that important that Show would be that reckless, he could just have
it. As they headed behind the curtain, Bryan stopped him from
following , putting a finger in Show's chest and saying "You're
a bastard!". I somehow doubt this is a reference to the Bossman
feud. However it did end the show, leaving Big Show crying on
stage.
OVERALL
- It's an absolute credit to Daniel Bryan's acting abilities that
tonight worked perfectly. On the surface, this was a simple, but
devastating accident. But if you watched and understood the nuances
of Bryan's acting tonight, you'd see that it was entirely a plan by
him.
The
opening segment when Henry said he was banned from ringside. You
could see that Bryan said to himself "Shit, I don't have an
obvious way out of this and even if I win, I've got to face him next
week!"
The
segment where AJ professed her love. You could practically hear
Bryan's brain working to come up with something. The segment later.
Asking her how much she loves him. You know when they headed off
screen, he was all "I could really do with you being out there
in my corner. You're my inspiration, AJ!" and thus her agreeing
to be there. Not saying his plan was to have Show run into AJ like
that. But whatever works, right?
And
the best thing, it may also get him out of the match with Henry. He
can claim that he's too distressed, and then there was no winner at
all in this title match, so who should Henry face. To be honest, I
hope that there's no title match next week. I know their designated
ratings grabber, Randy Orton, isn't on the show, but having three
World Title matches in three weeks is just excessive And it's
supposed to be a three way at the PPV anyway, so they could make the
match for then.
And
the best part about it all is that Daniel Bryan has complete
plausible deniability. He had it last week too, but it was rather
overt, Bryan's plan. This week was entirely subtle. And his
reaction to the whole thing afterwards was entirely top notch. And
not for nothing, AJ took the shoulder barge like a friggin' trooper.
And Big Show was awesome in his part as well.
The
rest of the show was take it or leave it, really. Lots of short
matches that really can't do much. Hell, without timing them, the
divas match and the Brodus match went around one minute COMBINED.
Nothing sucked. Just that nothing hugely mattered. Biggest thing
outside of the main event would have been the Drew/DiBiase match, but
they didn't at all follow it up. The spoilers stated that Drew went
to Long's office but didn't knock at the door. Wasn't on this
broadcast.
I'm
guessing this means it's his last chance next week, because last
week, it was said to be strike 2. This would be strike 3. I would
guess that means he's been spared the "late Friday notice on
wwe.com treatment for a week at least. But this week, he didn't even
have much of an excuse. First week, he got shafted. Last week,
Santino fell and just sop happened to pull Drew onto the metal post.
This week, while he was crotched by DiBiase, it was just in the
course of the match.
Overall,
it was a decent enough show with a very strong main angle, which you
should really being going out of your way to see. But if it's on
your DVR, you really can just skip through to those segments. You
can contact Aaron via his personal
Facebook or the WWI
Fan Page. All he asks is that if you do "friend"
him personally that you write a little note noting that you read the
reviews.
