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Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: No DQ...No Count Out...No Contest...

By Aaron Wood Jan 13, 2012 - 7:24 PM print

Well, now that 2011 is fully behind us, it's time to look to the year ahead, and so this week's videos are the top 5 "BBC Sound of 2012" artists/groups. Since 2003, the BBC has done a deal where it has poll "taste makers" in music (such as DJs, A&R people, record label heads etc.) to see who they think will make a big impact on the year. 50 Cent was the first winner in '03, while others have included Jessie J and Adele. Other acts in the various top 5's have included Lady Gaga, Florence & The Machine, Klaxons, Dizzee Rascal & Franz Ferdinand. So this week is this year's top 5. That's not to say I particularly love, or even like these artists. They will be in the coming weeks.

LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Zack Ryder showed he was the worst ever HR person on the planet, Wade had 29 problems and a Sheamus was 1, Drew continued to get screwed, Hunico couldn't decide how to beat Ted DiBiase and Daniel Bryan had to think about how to beat Big Show...

We opened with a recap of last week/preview of this week's main event. They played it up as Show's chance for vindication while Bryan couldn't run away or escape.

Well, there goes one of Bryan's "outs"...
Lillian Garcia, in a far better dress for her than last week, opened the show introducing Daniel Bryan, as we saw that Booker was back with Josh & Cole this week. There was also a sign in the front row that said "#Bazinga". Awesome. Bryan said winning the title was a dream come true and defending the title was what he lived for. He successfully defended the title last week against Big Show. This drew a "You Suck" chant, to which Bryan replied "Don't get mad at Big Show". He said that after last week, everyone else would have moved onto another challenger, but not him. He would have had to tell his future grandchildren that the match last week ended sucked. The crowd continued to rile against Bryan, who went off on, well, The Internet essentially, for saying Bryan deliberately got DQ'ed and was thrilled when Big Show announced their match later on.

He went over the stips, saying he thought No DQ & No Count Out was a little excessive, since it was all about one man, Mark Henry, saying he should be suspended. Henry soon enough interrupted. Mark wondered if he heard Bryan right. Suspended? For what he did last week? If he was going to get suspended, he would have his money's worth. Big Show came out on Monday and told him about a meeting he had with Teddy Long. Henry also had one. As a result of what he did last week (which Henry didn't think was wrong), he was banned from being at ringside. However, on the flip side that Henry would get the winner next week for the Title if he kept his nose clean. Bryan said that was fine by him. This was effective in what it set out to do.

05: Niki & The Dove ("DJ, Ease My Mind")

Justin Gabriel def. Heath Slater in a "Finally, the former Tag Champions get around to feuding..." match
They said that Slater demanded the match given that Gabriel rescued Hornswoggle last week. I'm guessing Gabriel accepted just so he could he on TV... Bizarrely, when showing a replay of last week, this UK broadcast censored Gabriel's 450 splash on Slater.

Slater put Gabriel down, but he pressed himself back up and headscissored Slater. Slater hit an atomic drop catching Gabriel jumping out of the corner, before then hitting a neckbreaker off a whip into the corner. After a short rest hold, Slater hit a spinebuster for a 2 count. Slater argued with the referee for that count before heading up. As he did this, Hornswoggle's music played. Slater and the ref looked to the ramp, but Slater realised Hornswoggle had come from under the ring. this distraction allowed Gabriel to recover, crotch Slater and hit the 450 (not censored this time) for the win.

Backstage, Bryan was warming up when AJ walked in. She said she was so proud of him, and win, lose or draw, she loved him. He seemed genuinely touched.

We aired the same Royal Rumble moment from 1998, which Austin won, setting up to face Shawn Michaels with Iron Mike Tyson's involvement.

Cody Rhodes def. Ezekiel Jackson in a "I wonder what will be more surprising. To remember that Rhodes beat Zeke for the IC Title or remembering that Jackson was champion at all???" match
Cody came out first and cut off his music with a live mic. He realised that most people in Laredo spoke the Spanish, but for the legal citizens of his country, he felt the urge to remind us that for five months. Or "Cinco" to the border jumpers. And in such time he's outshone the likes of Pedro Morales, Tito Santana, Booker T and even Goldust. But in 2012, his plans superseded being the greatest IC Champion of all time. He was going to "pull an Ultimate Warrior". While that could mean many things, in this case, it meant being IC and World Champion at the same time. And step one was being the winner of the Royal Rumble. Just to dick with the crowd, he signed off with an "Arriba!"

Cody had a side headlock pushed off, but as Zeke tried to suplex Cody in from the apron, Cody escaped and hit a DDT. Rhodes hit a couple of shots before stomping Jackson to the mat. He locked on a crossface chinlock, but Zeke powered out of that. Hard whips across the corners, before taking a splash. Jackson hit a bodyslam, but as he went for the Torture Rack, , Cody escaped it. The Beautiful Disaster was avoided, but Jackson was dropped into the corner, which this allowed Cody to hit the kick, followed by CrossRhodes for the win.

04: Skrillex ("Right In")

After the break, we took a look at the first inductee into this year's WWE Hall Of Fame. I think we know him... I think putting Edge in now is a smart move, because it's generally accepted that when you are in the Hall Of Fame, you aren't an active worker. And while Edge has only been on a couple of shows since retiring, I know a couple of folks who think he's just out for a while.

All of Santino's ideas suck...
backstage, Santino was with Teddy Long. He had some ideas. One was a a cage match, with a giant cage around a medium cage around a small cage, with the person who made the cages as referee. And he also wanted Jack Tunney's ruling on reptiles overturned. David Otunga turned up and said that Johnny Ace wanted to go over who would be entered into the Royal Rumble. Santino had another idea. Him vs. Otunga later.

They left and there was a knock at the door. Long assumed it was Aksana, however it wasn't since there was no lighting or sax. It was, in fact, Drew McIntyre. He barely got a word out when Long rudely spoke over him and said that he wasn't seeing any results for his large investment. He then kicked Drew out of his office, saying his match was next.

Ted DiBiase def. Drew McIntyre in a "F**k..." match
After the break, we saw Drew already in the ring, waiting for DiBiase. Before the bell rang, Hunico and Camacho came out on the bicycle, eventually joining commentary. This allowed Drew to hit a big boot out of the gate for a 2 count. Ted came back, sending Drew out before hitting a suicide dive. Drew dropped Ted onto the apron and then drove him into it before rolling him back in for a 2 count. Drew did some choking. We saw a shot of Hunico with his feet up on the announce desk, just chillin'.

Drew worked an armbar, but Ted got out of it and when avoided a slam, before getting a boot up in the corner. DiBiase hit an atomic drop and then a front dropkick and misdirection clothesline. Ted went up to the middle rope, but Drew hit a clothesline, but again, only picked up a 2 count. Drew put Ted up top for back back superplex, but DiBiase elbowed Drew down, where he crotched himself. This allowed Ted to hit Dream Street for the three count, leaving the announcers to wonder if Drew was done. Hunico (who was pretty damn entertaining on commentary) and Camacho gave Ted a golf clap while Drew pleaded with the referee on the ramp.

Sheamus def. Jinder Mahal in a "Hey Jinder, not only do we not expect you to win the Rumble, we expect you to challenge Santino's record time..." match
Sheamus came out first, as we saw a recap of last week's 2 on 1 fight. Mahal followed in Cody's footsteps with a mic in his hand. He said he was glad no one expected him to win the Rumble as he was most dangerous when least expected. By that logic, he should be squashing Sheamus here. Sheamus started with the clubbing blows right off the bat. Mahal with a back elbow on a corner charge, but Sheamus stayed on top, blocking a hiptoss and hitting a clothesline. He went for the Celtic Cross right away, but Mahal slipped out the ring. Sheamus went out after him and took him down. He rolled Mahal back in and hit the slingshot Battering Ram. Mahal blocked the clubbing blows in the ropes and was able to take control of things, hitting the high knee for a 2 count.

Mahal then caught Sheamus with a kick to the chest in the ropes and a neckbreaker for a 2 count. Jinder locked on a chinlock, but Sheamus was quickly out of it, hitting a backdrop. Sheamus then started his comeback, hitting the clubbing shots this time, followed by a suplex into the ring. He went up top for the Battering Ram. He then set for and hit the Brogue Kick. Hope Mahal enjoyed mildly looking like a threat.

Backstage, Big Show and Jack Doan were talking when AJ walked up. She wanted to talk about Daniel. She didn't want him getting hurt tonight. Show was gonna do what he had to do, but Bryan was a decent guy with good heart. Show assured her he didn't intend on hurting Daniel, just getting his title back. Bryan rocked up and said that first Show wanted his title and now his girl?!?! Well he was getting neither. Show said that said the title had changed Bryan, incredulous. He told Show to leave, which he ended up doing. Daniel told AJ he was her knight in shining armour and he wouldn't let Show intimidate her. He then noted she said she loved him, but Bryan wanted to know how much? He led her off to discuss something.

03: Azealia Banks ("Slow Hands")

We then went to another Rumble moment, with HHH's domination of the 2002 Royal Rumble, coming off his first quad injury, going onto to whoop Jericho's ass at Mania.

David Otunga def. Santino Marella in a "John Laurinaitis' assistant > Teddy Long's assistant" match
Otunga was already in the ring as Santino minced around the ring. That said, the word I'm looking for got that dude fired from Grey's Anatomy... Santino got a double leg takedown before going for a front face lock. However, Otunga took control of the match. However, Marella slipped out of a powerslam, getting a roll up for 2. Otunga hit a clothesline and then used the ropes to hit a couple of elbows. After a rest hold, Marella started a comeback, with the hiptoss and falling headbutt. He went for the Cobra, but it was blocked and Otunga hit the Air Raid Crash (as per WWE '12) for the win.

They sent it to the announcement of the Four Horsemen being inducted into the Hall Of Fame. After that, they did a tease that the "Funkasaurus is in da house!"

The RAW Rebound was all about the continuation of what I assume is Kane having Zack Ryder turn against the man he looks up to in Cena having somewhat put Ryder (and now Eve) in danger.

Brodus Clay def Tyson Kidd in a "What The Funk?" match
Tyson Kidd was in the ring as he awaited the appearance of THE FUNKASAURUS! They did the same stuff as Monday night. Whereas Curt Hawkins was nonplussed, Tyson was utterly confused. And in the time it took to type the last sentence, Brodus hit one running headbutt and the flying crossbody to win in about 10 seconds. They started dancing again.

Backstage, Teddy Long, clearly having Ernest Miller flashbacks, was interrupted by Aksana. The talked about next week's Smackdown being in Vegas. Long said what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. She suggested they play at the Casino because she loves to hit on black. Long did a spit take on his coffee. Oh crap. Next week is in Vegas? I'm smelling surprise wedding.

They re-did the tale of the tape from last week for Bryan and Big Shwo to show the immense size difference.

02: Frank Ocean ("Swim Good")

Our next Royal Rumble moment was from 1995 as Shawn Michaels ran the table to win the match.

Tamina def. Natalya in a "I could swear this aired last week..." match
Just like last week, Natalya was already in the ring, waiting for Tamina.

Just like last week, Natalya started on top with shots to Tamiona, only this time hitting a delayed suplex rather than trying a sharpshooter.

Just like last week, Tamina then immediately hit a Samoan Drop.

Just like last week, she went up top and hit the Superfly Splash for the three count inside of a minute.

Only difference was Tamina's music and her more overt references to her father.

As Tamina was leaving the ring, Wade Barrett came out with a mic. He stayed on the stage. He said earlier, we may have been impressed by Sheamus. However, he was not impressed a big burly Irish man with a tempter problem. However, he was a man of class and integrity and in control of his faculties. he was a man who would be winning the 2012 Royal Rumble. He was/is Wade Barrett. He challenged Sheamus to a match on next week's Smackdown. He thanked us for the time and God Save The Queen!

A new style of "Don't Try This At Home" PSA (at least to me) aired, with Kofi Kingston in the ring in an empty arena giving the speech. Pretty cool.

01: Michael Kiwanuka ("Home Again")

Back from break, they confirmed it would be Sheamus vs. Wade next week, along with Henry getting his title shot.

Daniel Bryan & Big Show fought to a No Contest in a "Just because it's no DQs or countout does NOT mean there HAS TO be a winner, let alone a finish, you know. It just heavily implies it..." No DQ & No Count Out match for the World Title
Big Show came out first, followed by Daniel Bryan. When he got down to ringside, he motioned to the back, and AJ came out. Lillian gave it the main event introductions. Bryan offered a handshake, and after hesitating, Show grabbed his hand and gave him a Gorilla Press Drop. Show hit some chops to the chest and a big biel. Eventually Bryan blocked a corner charge. However, he jumped out of the corner right into a lovely spear from Show. However, Bryan was half under the rope even when Show went for a pin, which didn't start. Bryan slipped to the outside as Show & AJ looked on and we took our final break.

We came back and Bryan was laid out on the announce table, with a chop. Bryan grabbed a chair and hit a shot to the legs before laying in at least 10 shots to the back. Show punched the chair out of his hand, eventually, which sent Bryan scurrying into the ring in shock. Knowing that he had the power advantage anyway, Show decided to bring the chair with him to kill Bryan. Bryan caught Show on the apron with a dropkick and then hit some more chair shots before Show fired back again.

Back in the ring, Bryan hit some kicks to the chest, but Show came back again. Or at least he did until Bryan dropkicked the knee. Bryan jabbed the chair into Show's gut and then hit a short DDT onto the chair for a 2 count. Show caught a kick and made a comeback, with shots and a shoulderblock. He called for the chokeslam, but Bryan avoided it and clipped the knee. He went for the chair again, but Show punched the chair down.

Bryan slipped out of the ring, where Show followed. He punched Bryan down before clearing the announce table. However, once again, Bryan blocked the chokeslam and picked up the chair. More shots to the back before went jumped off the apron. However, he was met with a chop. Bryan ran away, running past AJ. Show ran at speed into AJ, knocking her down. That was essentially it there.

Show looked distraught at what he done, actually crying while Bryan tried to process what had happened as medics ran down to put her on a backboard and cart her off. The crowd, a caring lot, chanted "She's not dead". Big Show and Bryan followed the stretcher up the ramp. Rbyan LAMBLASTED Show on the way back SCREAMING at Show that she was 95lbs and he was 500lbs. Bryan yelled that if the title was that important that Show would be that reckless, he could just have it. As they headed behind the curtain, Bryan stopped him from following , putting a finger in Show's chest and saying "You're a bastard!". I somehow doubt this is a reference to the Bossman feud. However it did end the show, leaving Big Show crying on stage.

OVERALL - It's an absolute credit to Daniel Bryan's acting abilities that tonight worked perfectly. On the surface, this was a simple, but devastating accident. But if you watched and understood the nuances of Bryan's acting tonight, you'd see that it was entirely a plan by him.

The opening segment when Henry said he was banned from ringside. You could see that Bryan said to himself "Shit, I don't have an obvious way out of this and even if I win, I've got to face him next week!"

The segment where AJ professed her love. You could practically hear Bryan's brain working to come up with something. The segment later. Asking her how much she loves him. You know when they headed off screen, he was all "I could really do with you being out there in my corner. You're my inspiration, AJ!" and thus her agreeing to be there. Not saying his plan was to have Show run into AJ like that. But whatever works, right?

And the best thing, it may also get him out of the match with Henry. He can claim that he's too distressed, and then there was no winner at all in this title match, so who should Henry face. To be honest, I hope that there's no title match next week. I know their designated ratings grabber, Randy Orton, isn't on the show, but having three World Title matches in three weeks is just excessive And it's supposed to be a three way at the PPV anyway, so they could make the match for then.

And the best part about it all is that Daniel Bryan has complete plausible deniability. He had it last week too, but it was rather overt, Bryan's plan. This week was entirely subtle. And his reaction to the whole thing afterwards was entirely top notch. And not for nothing, AJ took the shoulder barge like a friggin' trooper. And Big Show was awesome in his part as well.

The rest of the show was take it or leave it, really. Lots of short matches that really can't do much. Hell, without timing them, the divas match and the Brodus match went around one minute COMBINED. Nothing sucked. Just that nothing hugely mattered. Biggest thing outside of the main event would have been the Drew/DiBiase match, but they didn't at all follow it up. The spoilers stated that Drew went to Long's office but didn't knock at the door. Wasn't on this broadcast.

I'm guessing this means it's his last chance next week, because last week, it was said to be strike 2. This would be strike 3. I would guess that means he's been spared the "late Friday notice on wwe.com treatment for a week at least. But this week, he didn't even have much of an excuse. First week, he got shafted. Last week, Santino fell and just sop happened to pull Drew onto the metal post. This week, while he was crotched by DiBiase, it was just in the course of the match.

Overall, it was a decent enough show with a very strong main angle, which you should really being going out of your way to see. But if it's on your DVR, you really can just skip through to those segments.

You can contact Aaron via his personal Facebook or the WWI Fan Page. All he asks is that if you do "friend" him personally that you write a little note noting that you read the reviews.

Or if you are on Twitter, Aaron can be reached at twitter.com/aaron24wood or the WWI Twitter feed at twitter.com/clubwwi.

You can join Aaron in the online gaming world either on the XBox 360 or the superior Playstation 3. Either way, his screen-name is aaron24wood

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