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Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Rey's In The Main Event Bit. Batista's In The Main Event Bit. But It's Not In A Match. And Batista Shouldn't Even Be There...
By Aaron Wood
Hello my Gathering...
First things first, if you're on Facebook, and you haven't done so already, you can become a fan of World Wrestling Insanity and ClubWWI all by clocking this link and, well, hitting the button that says "Become a Fan" And you can do so right here! The World Wrestling Insanity Dot Com Page! Anyway, of course, in many of your US markets, Smackdown will be moved because of the Haiti Benefit concert, so really, this week's review is more handier than ever. That said, whatever you do, make sure you do something to help the victims of the tragedy. If you don't, that means you are just like Bubba The C**t Sponge. And for the love of God, you don't want to be like that asshole. As for videos this week, well, I've been talking about how great a new year is for upcoming music and bands, but it seems that one thing that suffers are videos themselves. How? Because a bunch of bands just seem to want to take concert footage and use that instead in lieu of any sort of narrative video. So this week, I'll be posting some of the new songs with videos largely cribbed form concert or archive footage. However, one video I have to show you is from a band that never seems to let anyone down when it comes to video making, and that band is OK Go, those of the treadmill and Japanese garden dance routine videos. Anyway, their current single release is called "This Too Shall Pass", and this time, they've enlisted the help of the Notre Dame Marching Band, and this video was shot LIVE in one take. As far as I'm concerned, just inspired stuff! Anyway, without too much further of an ado, let's get this thing done! LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Undertaker was replaced by a cage, Drew McIntyre accidentally willing John Morrison to go on, Beth seemed to make her mind up and Dolph Ziggler couldn't rock Kane to sleep... THIS WEEK… We kick off with us being told that Rey Mysterio was calling out Undertaker tonight. Can't see that one ending well for him. And after the credits, it doesn't look like it'll be a good night for John Morrison either as JoMo has been lined up, on Vickie Guerrero's orders ahead of his IC Title shot next week, into a handicap match against Drew McIntyre and Chris Jericho! However, we're kicking off with some action! Finlay def. Batista by DQ in a "So, am I to assume that Batista wants to win the Rumble?" match Batista came out to the ring first, as Striker did the hype job for him before the announcers reminded us how much of a loser that Batista was last week. Finlay followed, and I'm not sure which, but Finlay has either stopped dying his hair or has actually dyed it into a light brown colour. Either way, I think this is the first time I've seen him in action without his hair bleached blond. Quite odd. As it goes, this new-hound hair coloured seemed to inspire Finlay early on, as while Batista backed a collar and elbow into the corner, Finlay scored with some shots before hitting a front missile dropkick from the second rope, following the rolling Samoan drop for 2 and then the ass splash was followed with Finlay knocking Batista from the ring. However, on the outside, Batista grabbed Finlay and started gouging at his eyes. And then, the ref called for the bell. Well, I did say we'd start with some action. I didn't necessarily mean there'd be much of it! ---------- 4/10 - Match was nothing except to set up the next bit. ---------- Finlay was tossed over the announce table before Dave then speared him on the mat. Finlay was sent into the trifecta of guardrail, ring post and steps. He rolled Finlay in the ring before getting a mic to deliver a promo. He gave Finlay a spinebuster before saying that he'd be doing that time 29 because that's what was happening at the Rumble. He started stomping on Finlay, suggesting each time it was someone else who was in the Rumble. Suffice to say though, for all you people, like me, who are of the opinion that we'll see Cena vs. Batista, Deacon Dave sure did plant the seeds for a match with Dr. Thuggypants, as when he said Cena's name, he stomped Finlay a bunch of times. He said he'd be getting his title back one way or another. Win the Rumble, main event Wrestlemania and his title reign would begin as the streak would end. We came back to 2006's Royal Rumble as Rey Mysterio, who started No. 2 eliminated Randy Orton, who entered No. 30, to win the match. Lostprophets - Where We Belong She didn't want to be saved! She, obviously, just wanted to be like Molly Holly.. Punk and Gallows came out to save someone ostensibly. We went back to last week and the Straight Edge Society's tag team match win to become No. 1 Contenders to the titles. And to mix things up, Punk started his promo this week on the top of the ramp, walking down to the ringside area as he delivered it. He said that there was a reason why they became contenders for the Tag Titles last week, and when they defeated 2 very morally corrupt guys in DX next week, they would bring back honest and respect to the titles. And that reason is very simple. They were Straight Edge. And the same reason would propel him past 29 others to win The Rumble and become the first ever Rumble match winner. Because when you're Straight Edge, you're a winner, unlike the WWE Universe losers. The people could boo, but Punk saw them for what they really were. They were cowards, hiding behind their vices. He saw a sea of depravity and morally corrupt people rotting before his eyes. Parents drinking and smoking in front of their kids, meaning they would end up hooked. A weak-minded majority reach out and beg for a saviour to grab them by the hand and take them to the promised land. It used to make Punk sick, but now it made him smile. Not just because he knew he was better than everyone, but he knew he could wash away our problems. He could save us all, if we joined his society. So which plant audience member wanted saved tonight? As Punk got round by the announce desk wondering who it would be, a woman jumped over the guardrail and grabbed Punk. Luke pulled her off before handing her off to a security guy who took her up the aisle (NOT LIKE THAT YOU FILTHMONGERS!) before handing her off to a female security person in a suit. However, this audience member was screaming all the while that she was desperate to be saved. Punk realised this and asked the security person to wait up, as the woman needed him, so while it was on him, he wanted her to come to the ring. Luke brought her into the ring. The woman told Punk she needed him. He said he knew and could see a lifetime of pain and suffering. She said her name was Serena (which it is, but I'll come to that in a bit). Punk asked her if she was an addict, which she said she was, but she really wanted to change. Punk said he knew she was like the rest of them, mindlessly waiting in line at the chemists waiting for the next pill. Sitting in a mindless job waiting for that first sip of booze. She yammered about how she needed her pills, but Punk calmed her down saying she was surrounded by friends now, unlike the crowd who didn't care about her or themselves. No respect or pride. But he could take it all away. He could see she had taken steps towards sobriety. But it was one thing to pledge sobriety, but it was another to draw an X on her fist and sign up to his society, and live life the way it was intended. So one more question. Are you ready to pledge allegiance. She was excitedly ready, so they had her make a pledge and set her up for a hair cutting. But only after an ad break. We came back to see them begin Serena's haircut, which, unlike the last couple of weeks, she was totally up for doing. Striker said Punk may have found his Mary Magdalene. Wasn't she a whore? Anyway, once again, Punk did a pretty top-notch job of shaving someone's head. Especially when it looks like he has a bet on with Mike Knox to see who can grow the manliest beard. Afterwards, Punk gently kissed her on the now shiny bonce before saying that it just happened to Serena and he wanted all us sheep to know it could happen to us too. He then presented the newest member of the Straight Edge society. Now, Serena herself, as you may know, is Serena Deeb, also known as Serena Mancini and then Mia Mancini in Florida Championship Wrestling. And ironically enough, in my latest FCW audio for episodes 50 & 51, she makes her debut during that show. And she's HEAVILY featured when it comes to the women in the weeks to follow. And it has to be said, with her jump to the main roster, she's instantly one of the better workers on there. Of all the women they could have called up, the certainly picked the right one. It'll certainly be interesting to see where she goes from here. And if she puts in any more appearances in FCW, it'll be interesting to see how they explain her hair loss, since they change people's names without any explanation whatsoever... John Morrison & R-Truth def. THE SCOTTISH INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION~! Drew McIntyre & Chris Jericho in a "Building a match by having neither participant in the finish???" match We came back as Drew made his entrance, And in putting him over, The Legend That Is Todd Grisham said Drew was a "Scotman". Doesn't even register as right, Todd! Anyway, they pimped out that next week, it would be a No DQ match for the IC Title next week, wondering what condition Morrison would be in after facing 2 men tonight. Jericho was next, followed by Morrison. However, s Lil' Naitch was about to ring the bell to start things off, Teddy Long came out to the stage. He noted that Vickie had made this match without consulting Long about so, he was changing things up and making it a tag team match. Now, if you watched Superstars as I did earlier (and indeed, 20 minutes in, for whatever reason, the show's airing literally started over again, which has not helped me re-affirm my own sanity), you'll have seen Jericho run away from Kane in the main event. So was it the fairly logical choice of Kane here??? No... Kane will just have to wait for another part of the show. Hopefully there are no apparently random tag team matches happening when he does though. That would suck nuts. So anyway, after another break, we came back for the start of the match as Morrison and Jericho started things off. Jericho knocked Morrison down after being shoved off a side headlock, but was caught with a hiptoss and dropkick. Truth tagged in and they hit a double hiptoss before doing (near) stereo kip-ups. They knocked Drew off the apron and then sent Jericho out onto his partner. After a bit of celebrating Truth brought Jericho back into the ring and tagged Morrison in, who came off the top with a double axe handle to the arm. However, he was caught by a Jericho clothesline. Jericho knocked Truth into the guardrail, but was himself caught by a Morrison jumping heel kick for 2. McIntyre grabbed at Morrison's hair, distracting him long enough to turn into a dropkick from Jericho, which sent Morrison out. Jericho with a back suplex before Drew tagged in. Morrison was worked over in the corner. A short clothesline scored 2 as Jericho yelled at the announce that Drew's offence was that of a champion. McIntyre worked the arm for a bit. Morrison tried coming back, but Drew stomped him back down before Jericho tagged in and continued the arm work before switching to a chinlock. Morrison got out and hit the Backbreaker/Side Russian combo. Drew tagged in first and then ran on and over Morrison's back to knock Truth off the apron and prevent the tag. Never seen that before! And it was pretty damn awesome! We returned with Drew & John still in the ring, and JoMo's arm was still the target. Morrison blocked a charge, but ran into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Jericho tagged back in again and hit a fairly wild looking suplex. Choking in the ropes. As Jericho took the ref, Drew took a cheapshot and booted Morrison in the head. Jericho set Morrison up on the turnbuckle, but the superplex was blocked and he knocked Jericho down to the mat. He hit a flying crossbody to Jericho for 2. Morrison looked to tag, but Jericho grabbed the leg. The Walls Of Jericho was kicked off, but Drew was close to making a tag, and once he did, he cut Morrison off while Striker made a half-Bastion Booger reference. The heels made a couple of quick tags without doing much of anything but when Drew came back in, Morrison hit a tilt-a-whirl DDT. And while Jericho took a tag, so did R-Truth finally (to a pretty huge pop). Truth was a whirling dervish as he went to work on Jericho, hitting a big boot for 2 as McIntyre broke the count. Morrison dumped him, but Jericho dumped Morrison. Truth schoolboyed Jericho for a 2 count. Jericho hit an enziguri, but Morrison rolled McIntyre into the ring, and as the ref was distracted by the illegal man, Jericho was kicked in the head by Morrison and Truth scored with the Scissor Kick for the win! ---------- 8.5/10 - This was a great match, with a really good long beatdown segment by the heels, and some great hope spots for the hot tag. Just great stuff all round. ---------- Striker was awesome here acting all pissed about the babyface shenanigans while Todd pointed out the heels weren't paragon's of virtue either. We cut to later in 2006 and Wrestlemania in particular when Rey beat Angle & Orton to win the World Title. Fallout Boy - Alpha Dog Many steps forward, one huge leap back... We came back form break to see Team LayCool in the ring with what looked like a party buffet set up. Michelle said she was supposed to have a title match with "Piggy James" at the Rumble, but it wasn't happening. But the good news was as of tonight, James would be leaving Smackdown forever. Layla did a pretty damn great Porky Pig impression. They said the news made them so happy. And so, they were having a go away party. Have to admit, as the annoying "Mean Girls", they were pretty hilarious. Anyway, as they talked about the food they had, with her twins really holstered up to the hilt, Maria came out and said the pair of them were really annoying. She said it ends here and now. The only thing they were good at was torturing Mickie and it would end tonight. The only people who should be leaving was Tweedledumb and Tweedledee (you know, as in Michelle & Layla...). Would have been much funnier to say Tweedledumb and Tweddledumber. Maria said she didn't care if walked out hand in hand or were carried out. Michelle mocked Maria's big threats, before saying that Maria was looking a little under-fed. AS IF MICHELLE CAN TALK! They mocked her Apprentice appearance before noting that once Mickie was gone, Maria might get something to eat. Maria said the only thing she was excited not to see was them. As they got in each other's faces, Mickie came out. She said that she was getting sick of their petty "Mean Girl" act. Mickie said she had dealt with girls like them her entire life, trying to make people believe they were better than others, when they knew they were nothing. And she pitied them for that. She then said her and Maria were what real women looked like. Mickie said she was the way God intended, and their teasing wasn't going to affect her. Was this going to chase her off the show? The only people who will tell her to go anywhere was the WWE Universe. I'm guessing them and/or Johnny Ace... Layla and Michelle made some more cheap fat jokes. Mickie said she would be at The Rumble and after what the two of them had done, it was time for them to be embarrassed and they would be taught some manners. A four-way brawl broke out as Mickie worked over Michelle and Maria & Layla had a catfight. At that point though, Beth ran out. Oddly, she had a microphone with her but threw it down as soon as she got in the ring. She looked a bit conflicted for a few seconds, but then made up her mind, running Maria into the ringpost, before helping LayCool. Beth & Layla held Mickie as Michelle said it was feeding time. Michelle picked up the pig on top of the cake and smooshed it in Mickie's face before dumping the bowl of punch that was on the table over her head before mashing more of the cake into her hair. Beth left, leaving the other 2 to celebrate while Mickie was left crying. Cryme Tyme vs. Charlie Haas & Mike Knox wrestled to a No Contest in a "Yeah, remembering what I was saying about Kane earlier???" match We came back to Cryme Tyme's entrance as Knox & Haas were already in the ring. At long, long last, The School of Hard Knox were together on Smackdown! Knox & JTG started off with Knox in control. JTG hit the Mug Shot on Knox, but it was in Knox's corner and so Haas tagged in. Haas got a boot up on a charge, but just then Kane's pyro went off. Really, let's just call it there. ---------- 2/10 - Never got going. ---------- JTG charged Kane, but was tossed over the top to the floor. Charlie Haas was herked out and then Kane grabbed Knox and Shad by the throat and pushed the pair of them over the top before setting off hit pyro, sending a clear message about The Rumble. Muse - Resistance We got a final Rey Mysterio highlight in his win over Batista last week in the cage match to win the title shot last week. After the break, the announcers talked about the upcoming PPV and it's current card. The Great Khali & Matt Hardy def. The Hart Dynasty in a "I don't blame Khali in the slightest..." match Khali & Hardy came out before the break, as they ended up dancing like each other, with Matt following Khali's lead. After a break, The Hart Dynasty came out. From the off, Natalya was trying to charm Khali with her womanly ways. However, it was Matt who started against Tyson. Kidd took Hardy into his corner where THE REAL CANADIAN BULLDOG~! tagged in, as the pair worked to isolate Hardy. Delayed suplex by Smith scored a quick 2 count. Hardy fought his way out a chinlock, before countering a shoulderbreaker attempt. A Twist Of Fate was shoved off, but Hardy came back with a Side Effect. As Matt began to crawl over for a tag, Kidd dropped down and told Natalya to go over to the other corner to distract Khali, which, as The POONjabi Playboy was awe-struck with her rack, he stepped off the apron and started up the aisle with her. Meanwhile, his now stranded partner Hardy was left to take a Hart Attack. However, Hardy shoved Smith into the ropes knocking Tyson down before catching Smith with an inside cradle for the three count! ---------- 5.5/10 - Decent enough stuff for the length of time it lasted (or lack thereof), and I'm kinda interested to see if they do anything with Khali getting distracted by the women and how Hardy reacts. ---------- Kasabian - Vlad The Impaler (Yes, this was part of my 2009 "Best Of" list, but it's coming out again with this video...) We saw Rey Rey walking the halls as he prepared to call out Undertaker. A lesson in trying to sell us a pup... We came back as Rey entered. He said the peeps in the back were saying he was crazy for calling Undertaker out. Well, to be honest, he kinda is. However, he said he was doing it because 4 years ago he won his only World Title, and being honest, it was a dream come true. and the only thing stopping him from re-living the dream was a walking nightmare called The Undertaker. So he wanted to call him out, look him in the eyes and tell him he wasn't afraid. So he was formally calling Undertaker out. Ask and ye shall receive, as Taker duly came out. Taker asked if Rey was having second thoughts. Rey said he'd be lying if he said he wasn't, but he said he'd stand his ground. The last time they fought, he had Taker on the ropes, and there wasn't any fear. He'd do what it took to win. There would be no Batista this time, nor Shawn Michaels. Rey said he conquered nightmares with his dreams, and that would beat Taker and again live the dream as Champion. At the Royal Rumble, he would defeat him. Them's bold words little man. But hey, Rey's made a career out of the impossible. He had conquered just about everything in his life. But there's one thing he had to be aware of. Neither Rey, or anyone else, triumphs over the grave. And while he admired the stones on Rey for seeking the title, Mysterio was digging his own grave. At the Rumble, he would suffer the same fate everyone else had suffered when they tried to make a name for themselves at Taker's expense. Rey would Rest. In. Peace. Taker began to leave, as Rey called him back, saying that he wasn't like the rest of them. However, form behind Batista attacked Mysterio. Dave hit a spinebuster, prompting Taker to walk slowly back towards the ring. As Taker & Batista locked eyes, Batista hit the Batista Bomb. As Taker made it back to ringside, Batista bailed out and left through the crowd. So, with nothing to do, Taker turned and headed back up the ramp again as the show ended. OVERALL - 6.5/10 (-1 on last week) - A talk heavy show this week, with not a lot of action to it. Indeed the only REAL match was the tag match in the middle, which while awesome, could have done with another to keep interest at a high level. That said, there was a way this show would score higher, and that would be in pushing The Rumble. A lot of this show was about pushing the Rumble and the Rumble match itself. And what didn't affect the Rumble specifically, pushed next week's episode with both the IC Title and Tag Title matches on tap. And while I wasn't a fan of the lack of action, the main talking parts were fine enough. I thought Punk's bit was awesome. I mean, it's pretty damn good every week so far, but this week, there was just something akin to the stars aligning and it was just awesome fun. The women's segment was fine in and of itself. However, it did go on for a bit too long to the point where I wanted it to get moving, and then I've been a fan of it moving away from targeting Mickie and getting Beth involved with the sly digs at her butch body Not that I'm offended by the fat jokes, because whatever real-life message management may or may not have been sending Mickie, I can see the narrative element beyond that, and I've liked it. But tonight, it seemed to just go back to the fat jokes, and while Beth hesitated when she came in, I'm not sure I'd have had her ultimately side with the heels. That said, assuming that ultimate result is Mickie winning the title at The Rumble, then this was a great segment for getting heat on the babyface beforehand. Beyond that though, while, as I say, it was great at pushing the PPV, this was ultimately missable, although if you can find the Punk segment, definitely watch that. The middle tag match as well. Aaron seems to be going rather nutty in these last couple of days. Real days where you just want to say to yourself "F**k this, I'm going back to bed." Between multiple e-mails sent to the same person because I can't get all the info I wanted put across and then not realising I had left my shopping bags at home, even after the cashier asked if I wanted any. Just an odd couple of days... You can find him either on Facebook, MySpace(myspace.com/aaron24wood), or on Twitter(twitter.com/aaron24wood). And don't forget to check out the ClubWWI Twitter feed while you're there. Or if you're into gaming, Aaron's Playstation Network screen name is, you guessed it, aaron24wood as well!
Alphabetical Listing of Guests You Can Hear on...
Lance
Cade D-Ray
3000 Bobby
Eaton Manny
Fernandez Greg Gagne Chalie
Haas B.G.
James
Rodney
Mack One
Man Gang Harley
Race Dave Taylor
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