Smackdown
Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: A Match For The First Time Ever On Smackdown. Just Not The One You Were Expecting...
By Aaron Wood
Jan 30, 2010 - 9:43 AM

My giddy Aunt and sweet Lord.  For a laptop that had access to high-speed mobile broadband AND half decent-speed hotel wireless internet, the f**king things I've had to go through to get a copy of this week's Smackdown while I've been in Manchester for last night's TNA House Show, the report of which I trust you've read by now, yes?  Good.  I mean, my mobile broadband just kept stopping downloading anything of any size, and then using the wireless, I left a file running while at the show, which when I came back, for no apparent reason, didn't work!  And then, another go went tits up while I slept.  Anyway, I have one now and as I write this, I'm literally on the train home, so let's home, so let's hope I get this done before then.

Also, the music this week?  Well, I was in Manchester, so what the hell do you think it's going to be???

LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN:  Natalya's breasts couldn't stop her boobs from jobbing, Serena desperately wanted CM Punk to be a vehicle for debuting on the main roster, Batista saw many faces in Finlay and Undertaker's attempted save for Rey was nowhere near quick enough...

THIS WEEK…
They promote the tag title match announced last week, but wonder if, after HHH's announcement he was in the Rumble, that DX could co-exist and keep the titles.  Good thing they're really trying to add suspense to this match because I after last night's incredibly cheeky bait & switch, I might scream if they did much the same here, no matter how awesome the result...

Oh, for f**k's sake...
We cold open to the entrance of YOUR~! Unified Tag Champions.  Still no Hornswaggle oddly enough.  I suppose tonight is serious too.  The Legend That Is Todd Grisham and Matt Striker suggested they were opening with the match, and they did the full entrance.

HOWEVER, with Hunter literally one sentence into his schtick, Rey Mysterio's music kicked in!  Hey, the midget was here after all!  Just a different one. Rey go a mic to say he respected HBK, but felt disrespected by Shawny himself.  all he keeps hearing is Shawn saying he's winning the Rumble and facing Taker at mania.  So hey, that must mean you think Taker's rolling over lil' Rey Rey, huh?  Michaels said that was EXACTLY his thought, but what you doing here.  HHH mystically knew I'd make a midget joke, because he made one of his own to make it look like I was copying him, as he said Rey was looking for a fight, but Swaggle wasn't here.  Rey said if HHH wanted to crack jokes.  Here's a good one.  This Sunday, he'd do something neither of them had done at Wrestlemania.  Beat Undertaker.  HBK asked what happens if he didn't make it.  Rey asked the same question back.  You got a problem Shawn?  Let's take care of it tonight!

Punk, Gallows and Serena made their way out.  No real explanation from the announcers as to why Serena was still there when the first two were one and dones.  Punk said Rey MUST be high on something.  He watched RAW???  He should watch Smackdown, because tonight was the night they became the first Straight Edge Unified Tag Champions.  He came out with a purpose.  To lead his crusade, and he had his disciples.  Luke and (the beautiful) Serena.  HHH said he had been watching the show, and while he was relieved that Punk was straight, he nor the people could give the whole "I don't drink" thing.  HHH said he didn't get it.  Sure, Punk doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs.  Neither does he, but Hunter doesn't look like he been on a week-long bender with Amy Winehouse!  HHH told him to shave and take a shower, or get his disciples to take one, because someone has Swamp Butt.

Punk wondered if the comedy was over.  Yes it was, because Teddy Long then came out with some ideas.  He said that when opportunity knocked, things tended to change.  So Punk & Gallows wouldn't get their tag title match tonight.  For why?  Long said tonight it would be even bigger.  For the first time ever on Smackdown, we would get Mysterio vs. Michaels, while Punky Swamp Butt, you wanted to wrestle?  Well, right now, you'd be wrestling HHH.


Joy Division - Atmosphere

HHH def. CM Punk by DQ in a "Only about half what I was expecting.  Literally." match
We came back for the opening bell.  HBK had been sent to the back by HHH, but Gallows and Serena were hanging around.  HHH got the upper hand early.  Short clothesline scored a 2 count before hitting a side headlock takeover.  Punk got back up and backed hunter into the corner before driving in some shoulders.  Punk took control ramming HHH's head into the corner, before getting a drop toe hold.  HHH surprised Punk with a Pedigree attempt, but Punk bailed out.  HHH brought him back in, the hard way.  While Gallows distracted HHH, it allowed Punk to set up and hit the springboard clothesline as we took a break.

We came back as Punk kicked HHH in the back for 2.  Punk the locked on a headscissors.  Punk turned that into a cover for 2.  Punk mockingly did a crotch chop, but HHH fought back.  A spinning heel kick scored a 2 count.  Punk looked for a suplex, but HHH blocked and hit one of his own.  However, as they both got back up, Punk hit a kick to the head for a close 2 count.  Punk went back to the headscissors, but HHH levered Punk off and then made the ropes.  HHH blocked a charge and snapped off a AA spinebuster.  as both men got back up, HHH got the better of things, hitting the facebuster before pounding Punk in the corner.

Punk ducked a clothesline, but was hit with a high knee.  HHH looked to finish again, but Punk backdropped out of it.  Punk hit the knee in the corner, but HHH countered the bulldog with a kneebreaker before locking in the Figure Four.  Very cheekily, HHH used the ropes for leverage.  As Serena slid in to remonstrate with the ref, Gallows hit HHH to break it up.  However, Punk's GTS was countered with another Pedigree attempt.  This time though, Serena ran in and jumped on HHH's back for the DQ.

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7/10 - Incredibly annoying bait and switch aside, this was a pretty decent match.  Nothing spectacular, but they didn't have to do that.  Punk got in enough offence and HHH sold pretty well during it.  No complaints about the match here.  not even with the non-finish, as it allows for rematches.
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Despite his valiant attempts, HHH found the numbers game too much to bear.  Punk laid in some Danielson elbows as Gallows pulled out the clippers.  This finally drew out HBK to make the save.  Gallows was disposed of, leaving Punk and Serena with DX.  Punk calmly put Serena in front of him and slipped out the ring.  HBK teased the superkick on her, but she bailed as well.  HHH stomped on the clippers to hammer home the point.


The Smiths - Panic

The announcers pimped out the headline matches.  at least Drew & John are still fighting.  We then saw Jericho walk the halls as he was up next.

R-Truth def. Chris Jericho in a "Well, Chris...at least you can't be pinned in the Rumble match..." match
As Jericho came out, we cut back to last week's tag match, where Jericho thought he had Truth pinned, but ended up pinned himself.  As Truth, Striker admitted he heard the song in his head everywhere we went, leading to a brief discussion their favourite lyrics.  Jericho took control with a headlock, and then a shoulderblock after Truth pushed off.  Truth hit a hiptoss and dropkick, before he clotheslined Jericho out the ring.  However, Jericho side-stepped a pescado as we hit the commercials.

Jericho was in control on return, and mocking the fans.  Jericho dropped Truth on the top rope for a 2 count.  Gutbuster by Jericho.  An abdominal stretch by Jericho, as he worked over the ribs.  Truth hiptossed out, and then hit a flying clothesline.  He then hit a headscissors take over and jumping heel kick for 2.  Truth floated over a corner charge and ducked a clothesline but missed a bicycle kick that allowed Jericho to attempt the Walls Of Jericho.  However, Truth countered and pinned Jericho for 2.  The Codebreaker was blocked and Truth made the quick cover for the three count!

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6.5/10 - decent enough while it lasted, but it was shorter than I at least would have liked.  But yeah, fine stuff while it was there.
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Jericho was irate afterwards at the result.  We cut to the announcers as they talked their title match a The Rumble, sending it back to Rey's calling out last week, that saw Batista attack Rey.

We cut to Josh and Batista, who was wearing a flatcap.  Batista said nothing had changed last week.  But he put the spotlight on himself.  He made a statement.  A simple, clear one.  He was winning the Rumble, and he'd win back the title.  And heaven help anyone who gets in his way of that.


Inspiral Carpets - This Is How It Feels

THE SCOTTISH INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION~! Drew McIntyre def. John Morrison in a "Good thing he won.  Allows me to keep writing "THE SCOTTISH INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION~!" when referring to Drew..." No DQ match to retain the Intercontinental Title
Morrison came out first and had something to say.  Unlike Drew, he wasn't handpicked by the top brass.  Hey Drew, remember when you won the title.  An hour later, he saw Drew drop the title on the floor to chest bump Sheamus.  That's some visual right there.  JoMo said Drew didn't appreciate what he had and didn't have to play by the same rules as everyone else.  But tonight, there were no rules, so there was no running and hiding tonight, so he'd have to fight just like everyone else.

Morrison won the early exchanges and picked up a nearfall off a jumping heel kick.  McIntyre was sent out the ring.  However, as Morrison left the ring himself, Drew grabbed a kendo stick and whacked Morrison a couple of times.  He picked up a 2 count off that.  As Drew worked over Morrison in the corner, Striker told a story of Drew going back to Scotland with the title, but refusing to stay with his parents in Ayr, choosing to rent out a whole floor in an Aberdeen hotel.  2 things. One, Ayr & Aberdeen are really nowhere near each other.  And two, WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WANTS TO STAY IN ABERDEEN???  It's a bunghole!  It's grey and greyer with a dash of grey.

Morrison stretched Morrison out a bit, but Morrison fought back.  He looked to float over a charge in the corner, but took a kick to the gut.  Morrison again began to fight back, this time sending McIntyre reeling out of the ring.  Drew took his title and looked to leave, but JoMo scored a knee off the apron.  However, back in the ring, Drew re-took control again.  He held up his title as we broke for ads there.

Morrison looked for the Flying Chuck but was shoved over the top to the floor.  McIntyre grabbed the steps, but Morrison ducked when Drew tossed them.  However, Morrison was instead sent over the guardrail into the crowd.  Morrison got the better of the fighting there, and hit a vaulting clothesline over the rail as they went back over.  Morrison then picked up the kendo stick and got his own back for earlier.  Drew scored with a thumb to the eye to stop that nonsense.  Drew took a swing, but was hiptossed onto the bottom half of the steps.  Back in the ring, that scored a 2 count.  Morrison looked for Star ship Pain, but it met with knees.  McIntyre then managed to hit the Scot Drop onto the title belt for the win.

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7.5/10 - Another good match here in the series, although I do think Morrison will be moving on now, particularly with bodies needed for the impending Elimination Chamber match.
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Oasis - Falling Down

We came back from break to see Cincinnati’s riverfront before Michelle McCool came out herself.  She got a mic and said she did us all a favour last week sending Piggy James back to the farm.  She's gone for good!  She was home where she belongs.  If we could just imagine being like her, she would know she just can't stop smiling.  This cued up video of last week's embarrassment, before we saw a small "exclusive" clip afterwards of Mickie running to the back in tears.  Michelle said that was James's career.  She came, she ate, she cried. She apologised for this meaning there was no title match on Sunday.  But hey, she was a fighting champion.  If there was anyone in the locker room who wanted a shot, come get some.

Mickie's music kicked in, and Michelle acted fear.  However, her fear soon turned to laughter as Layla came out in a fat suit and a pig nose on.  Mickayla said she couldn't stop crying last week because she didn't get enough cake.  They did some more fat jokes, as Mickayla ate a doughnut.  Michelle took this way as the bell rang.

Michelle McCool def. "Mickie James" in a "It might just be me, but I've never noticed how much Mickie looks like Layla in a fat suit with a pig nose..." match
Michelle left the ring and made Mickayla run round the ring, as Mickayla struggled to run round and get back in the ring.  Michelle dodged a charge and schoolgirled her bulbous opponent for the pin.

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1/10 - This wasn't a match, it was a joke.  Literally.  And a now really laboured one at that.
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The pair did a pratfall as Mickayla continued to eat before she was rolled out the ring.

Striker stopped pissing himself laughing for long enough to pimp the main event.

After the break, we has the "By The Numbers" promo.  These are always awesome.  The announcers talked about the match and the people in it before mentioning some of the other matches on the card.

After that, we cut backstage to see HBK as Batista sauntered up.  Dave said he didn't care about HBK's Taker obsession, and say out of his way at The Rumble.  HBK said he always thought Batista was over-rated.  Batista was about to make threats when HHH appeared.  HHH asked if Batista had something to say to him, but he didn't.


Delphic - Doubt

Rey Mysterio & Shawn Michaels wrestled to a No Contest in a "Seriously, how does this show keep coming up with "First Time Ever" billings, and yet people are of the belief that RAW is the same thing over and over again?" match
HBK seemed to get the upperhand with some wrestling skills and chops, but Rey used his speed to set up Michaels for a 619, although HBK ducked out the ring before Rey could hit it.  Grisham noted that HBK had been in the Rumble match for a combined 2 hours and 49 minutes.  The pair exchanged blows in the corner, with a HBK chop sending Rey out.  Shawn left the ring to hit another one.  Rey hit a drop toe hold to set up for another 619 attempt.  This time, Shawn got up quick and looked for a superkick, but Rey ducked that.  Rey then took them both over the top rope with a headscissors as we took our final break.

Rey was in control of things upon our return, aiming his offence at HBK's legs and working them over.  Shawn telegraphed a backdrop and hit a swinging neckbreaker.  Rey was set up n the corner, but a whip across saw Rey send HBK into the turnbuckle.  Rey went up top, but the moonsault was blocked and Rey ended up in a one-legged Tree Of Woe.  HBK locked in a modified Indian Deathlock, looking for the submission.  However, Rey managed to make the ropes.  Shawn went for the leg again, but was caught with an enziguri.

The pair slugged it out with punches and kicks.  Rey whipped Shawn, but was hit with the flying forearm.  He kipped up, but the atomic drop was countered with a hurricanrana.  He then hit a seated senton off the top rope for a deuce.  Shawn hit the atomic drop off a springboard crossbody for 2.  Inverted DDT by Rey was followed by a springboard splash, but that met knees.  Michaels went up and hit the flying elbow.  HBK tuned up the band, but Rey countered with a spinning heel kick into 619 position.  He hit that, but as he springboarded in, HBK hit the superkick.  Remember that unforgettable one he hit on Shelton years ago that still stands as the biggest highlight of Benjamin's career?  Yeah, that exact same thing.

However, as Shawn managed to get back to his feet, Batista appeared from nowhere to spear HBK and spinebuster Mysterio.

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8/10 - Much like the opener, this was a really good match, whose lack of finish didn't hurt in the slightest.  Just two of the best going at it, and that's always good.
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Deacon Dave then looked to Batista Bomb Michaels, but HHH's music hit.  Hunter and Batista went at it, with HHH scoring his own spinebuster.  HHH then hit a cactus clothesline, sending both Batista and himself over the top to the floor.  Back in the ring, as Michaels and Mysterio got back to their feet, the lights went out as Undertaker made his presence known.  The lights came back on, and Taker himself was right there in front of them.  He grabbed them both and hit a double chokeslam to end the show.

OVERALL - 7.5/10 (+1 on last week) - Where last week was all angles and no wrestling, this was more the Smackdown I know and love, with some really good matches and just the right amount of talking.  I mean, the bait and switch was annoying, and I would imagine that last night didn't help and I'd be less annoyed if I hadn't seen the TNA show, but really, can I bitterly complain when it left me with HBK vs. Rey?  I don't think I really can...