Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Randy vs. Wade II. Stairwells Are Banned.
By Aaron Wood Feb 3, 2012 - 5:32 PM
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As
a working man who must be part bear given his penchant for
hibernation/sleeping, my time management has been off a little
recently. And thusly, I haven't really looked up any more new
artists/bands for this week's videos. But I am continuing the "new"
theme by having my first week this year of New Release videos. More
new bands next week. Honest guv!
Also,
just to get it out of the way right now, you may have read that this
week's episode of Smackdown has the Brodus Clay vs. Heath Slater
match cut from it. After that match, Drew McIntyre tried to attack,
but got beaten up. Now, rather than make any statement about Drew's
future (since if they were going to fire him for real, they'd sure as
shit have done it by now. Thusly I assume the match cut was made for
time, because they sure haven't soured on Clay already.
LAST
WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Drew & Sheamus did their bit for
sectarian unity, Yoshi Tatsu almost literally whored himself to get a
spot on the show, Natalya stunk out the joint and the post-production
editors sure earned their money last week...
THIS
WEEK… We
opened with a hype video for this week's main event between Orton &
Wade, which was billed as No Countouts and No DQs. I would wager
that is the WWE trolling the IWC for bitching about the lack of
finish in the Bryan/Show match of the same nature a few weeks back.
Which is kinda LOL-worthy.
Well,
I guess by Montreal logic, Henry screwed Henry... After
the opening credits, we went right to Teddy Long in the ring,
thuggin' & buggin'. I sometimes wonder what a new viewer thinks
when they see that. "Why is this man faking an epileptic fit?"
Long said the Royal Rumble was "Off the chain" and he was
happy to announce that Smackdown would be participating in the 2012
Elimination Chamber PPV. Good to know that it's not just gonna be
the RAW brand. And I wonder why Long or Laurinaitis have never
mentioned they've got the right to recuse their shows from PPV duty
before...
Anyway,
Thaddeus announced who would be in the Chamber match for the World
Title. Daniel Bryan (obviously), Wade Barrett, Big Show, Cody Rhodes
(doing the world's most comedic snarl), Mark Henry and, because he's
the biggest star and thusly gets his name at the end for the big
final pop, Drew McIntyre Randy Orton!
Teddy
wanted to then bore everyone with the rules and then just as he
finished, Mark Henry came out. I'd have cheered if Henry had come
out half way through Teddy's mangling of the English language as we
went over what would happen. As you could probably guess, Henry
wasn't entirely pleased with his former manager's announcement. 6:1
against that he would win the match. Less than that, depending on
his number. He didn't deserve this.
Long
said since he lost at The Rumble, that he should be happy he's in the
match. Is Henry supposed to be happy and thankful? Henry was Long's
meal ticket, so he was going to need to take him out of the Chamber
and put him one on one with Bryan tonight. Long wondered what would
happen if he didn't. Henry cracked up that Long was trying him.
Give the people and what he wants and deserves.
Long
got in Henry's face, and while poking him in the chest, said he'd
give Henry half his wish. He was out of the Chamber. But he wasn't
getting no title match. After the bear got his chest poked, Henry
noted that Long was replaceable. Just like John Laurinaitis was.
WAS? Does Henry know something we don't? Long had to do the right
thing, and Henry wasn't asking. Henry flicked out Long's tie. Long
swatted him off and indefinitely suspended Henry.
Henry
decided that if he was a goner, he may as well get his money's worth
(a notion that rightfully got cheered). However, before he could
make a penny out of Long, Sheamus came to the ring. They stared at
each other a little before Sheamus, essentially from standing, hit a
Brogue Kick, sending Henry from the ring. Long then decided to
interview Sheamus. Who was Sheamus going after? He said everyone
had been asking that. He hadn't decided yet and wouldn't until after
the next PPV. So rather than cut a bunch of speeches, he would do
what he does best.
If
that is getting interrupted by Cody Rhodes, then Sheamus did a
bang-up job tonight of it. He told him to relax. He wasn't looking
for a fight, but to warn him. People wouldn't remember Sheamus won
the match. They'd remember that he eliminated the most people in the
match. And 2 of them Hall Of Famers. He lasted 45 minutes. He did
all the work. And he would carry that into the Chamber, become World
Champion and first dual-champion since Ultimate Warrior. Well, there
are worse guy to fashion yourself after... As it goes, there was a
striking parallel between Warrior and Sheamus. Half the time, Cody
couldn't understand what either were saying. Same went for Teddy.
Long decided to say something he would understand, Sheamus vs. Cody
there and then.
Coldplay
- "Charlie Brown"
Sheamus
def. Cody Rhodes in a "Well, I guess Sheamus wouldn't mind Cody
winning in the Chamber for an easy Mania then..." match We
joined things apparently in mid-match. That said, Sheamus was just
standing there while Cody was jaw jacking with the audience. Anyway,
Sheamus took immediate control of things, hitting the forward roll
Samoan for a 2 count. Cody telegraphed a backdrop, but was sent to
the apron for the clubs to the chest. On the outside, Cody slipped
out and dropkicked Sheamus into the ringpost and then used the
guardrail to hit a Beautiful Disaster.
Knee
drop back in the ring picked up a 2 count. Cody hit the moonsault
for a 2 count on the standing Sheamus before choking him in the
ropes. Sheamus broke a chinlock by ramming Cody into the corner, but
Rhodes hit a bulldog for 2. Sheamus started a comeback with axe
handles and then a powerslam for a 2 count of his own. Sheamus went
up for the Battering Ram and hit it after fighting Cody off. He
wanted the Celtic Cross, but Cody slipped out. Another Beautiful
Disaster missed, but so was the Brogue Kick. However, Sheamus then
scooped up Cody and hit Finlay's Celtic Cross finisher for the
win.
It's
funny. When Sheamus debuted in ECW, he riled against Finlay for
being all friendly and hanging around with a Leprechaun. Nowadays
Sheamus is all friendly, buddies with the same Leprechaun and as
evidenced by this match, stealing Finlay's signature moves...
That
would be the LAST guy I'd want making a save for me... After
the break, Cody was still recuperating at ringside as Justin Gabriel
came out. Hunico & Camacho came out, and Hunico cut a bi-lingual
promo. The jist of which was that they weren't thugs. They just had
each other's back. Anyway, as the promo finished, Cody jumped in the
ring and attacked Gabriel from behind. Hunico & Camacho helped
put the boots to Gabriel's ass as Rock would have it, but then Great
Khali's music hit and he sauntered down to the ring while the heels
shit themselves.
Cody
decided that cowardice was the better part of valour. Los Locos from
the Barrio however weren't quite as smart. Camacho took a pair of
Khali Chops. Hunico tried to club Kahli in the back and then dive
out of the corner, but Khali caught him and hit the Khali Bomb.
Backstage,
Drew was in full Oliver Twist-mode begging for his job. Long said
that all Drew did was disappoint him and that the worst thing was
predictability and Drew losing was predictable. Yeah, way to make
the guy look like a complete loser and yourself a complete dumbfuck
for signing this loser. Long told him to find another way to impress
him and be glad he still had a job. Is it just me, or did Long just
suggest that Drew would have to get on his knees and open wide to
stay employed. That's the intonation I got from this.
Anyway,
Drew left and he was replaced with Santino. Santino had a new tag
partner for this week. And in place of SantOshi, it was
SantinHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Yep, Hacksaw Jim Duggan
got another TV spot. Long gave them a match with Epico & Primo.
They left and they were replaced by Aksana. This week, for the first
time, Long reacted when the sax kicked in, straightening himself up.
She was impressed with how he handled Henry. She looked down and
noticed "a massive piece of wood", which Long did a spit
take to. She was, of course, referring to Duggan's 2x4. Duggan got
his plank back.
The
announcers sent it to the induction video for Mike Tyson. Afterwards
they showed a graphic of various sites that carried the story, such
as TMZ, who broke it, as well as USA Today, ESPN and...THE BLEACHER
REPORT?!?!? Note to Guttman, next time some big wrestling news
breaks in the main stream media, cover it, You might get a
screenshot on WWE TV. I mean if Bleacher Report can, ANYONE can.
Arcade
Fire - "Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)"
Epico
& Primo def. Santino Marella & Hacksaw Jim Duggan in a "So
really, Santino WAS distracted..." match As
with last week, I'm so fed up with Santino, you're just getting the
basics. Santino started things off with Epico and took control.
Duggan quickly tagged in and the heels worked him over for a short
period as the announcers (specifically Booker) suggested that Duggan
really shouldn't be in the ring anymore.
Santino
eventually for a hot tag. He ran wild and set for the stupid Cobra
when Rosa got on the apron. As he refused to be distracted, Primo
ducked the Cobra and floated into the Backstabber in one motion in a
nice spot. That picked up the win. Before the champs could do much
more than consider beating down Santino some more, Duggan and the 2x4
ran them off.
Foster
The People - "Don't Stop (Color On The Walls)"
Note
to Daniel Bryan: Don't take your intimidation ideas from Teddy
Long... After
the break, Michael Cole was in the ring, as he introduced Daniel
Bryan, saying he was the most unlikely World Champion of all time.
Daniel came out doing the full "YES!" celebration. Cole
said that he had been extremely critical of him and he didn't think
he'd make it. But he proved something on Sunday and won the cage
match. Sure, Bryan wasn't dominant and quite lucky, but Cole was man
enough to admit he was wrong about Bryan.
Cole
offered the handshake, but Bryan took his mic instead. Bryan
appreciated the sentiment, but the interview wasn't about Cole. It
was about him! He excused Cole form the ring to say that on Sunday
he succeeded in beating 2 monsters in a steel cage who added up to a
half ton. He was not just a champion, but a great one! He also was
a great role model and as such wanted us to be like him and be a
vegan. He told us to stop eating meat, as we we3re poisoning our
intestines. Killing innocent animals. If we saw the animals being
killed for food, we'd never eat meat again. But alas, the people of
Omaha were some of the worst offenders and thusly healthier than
everyone in the building. His heart was fine or have the diseases
they carried around.
He
said there would be many injustices he would have to endure. He
shouldn't have to defend his title in an Elimination Chamber.
Especially against 5 others, and one in particular that he's
dominated and holds the record for the shortest World Title reign
ever. He had won four championship matches against him already! He
was talking, of course, about Big Show. He's consistently failed,
and been consistently rewarded. He intentionally ran down his
girlfriend. He was a failure in the ring and has a human. He
shouldn't be in the match. Bryan threatened to take his case to the
Board Of Directors and get Teddy Long joining Johnny Ace in the
unemployment line. Seriously, do these guys know something, because
I'm betting he's back on Monday.
Big
Show came out as Bryan was about to make his leave. He gave his
beanie to a small boy at ringside, who didn't duck away. As a side
note, when the girl at the Rumble ducked, my timeline filled up with
"Alannah Orton sure follows the storylines". How in the
hell did everyone in the world know that was Orton's kid? If I were
Randy, I'd be worried his family weren't part of some secret Truman
Show-like deal. I could never have guess that was Orton's kid.
Anyway,
Show said he'd have come out earlier, but he was finishing off a
steak. Probably explains why he was already half-gassed. Show said
Bryan called himself a role model, but the key to being one was not
telling people what to do and let people follow by themselves. He
said Bryan was a pompous arrogant little ass. And he would still be
that after the Elimination Chamber, but he wouldn't be World Champion
any more. There was nowhere to hide, no way to escape and no way for
anyone to save him (other than the past couple of years where someone
has come up through the grate, you mean?). Bryan said he knew the
odds were stacked against him and it was possible he'd lose the
title, but it wouldn't be to Show. He would lose, like he always
does. Once a loser, always a loser. Big Show kept warning Bryan not
to push him, but Bryan started pulling a Thaddeus and poked Show in
the chest. However, unlike Henry, Show immediately killed Bryan.
He
ripped Bryan's shirt apart and chopped him before giving him a
chokeslam as AJ came down the ramp, wearing a neckbrace. She got in
the ring, but was incredibly scared of Show. Bryan tried to attack,
but Show caught him and loaded up the WMD. However, AJ held onto
Show's fist, allowing Bryan to escape. AJ then left the ring and ran
into Bryan's arms, hugging him as he smirked at Show while assuring
her he wouldn't let Show hurt her again.
Backstage,
Natalya and Beth were doing squats as Nattie noted her excitement at
them teaming up together once again. Natalya once again farted a
little one, which Beth noticed, stopping her in her tracks. Then
Nattie riffed again, which brought a short awkward silence before she
ran away. Beth soon followed as Santino turned round the corner into
the hallway, once again right into the heady aroma. As much as I
hate Santino, he does bring the funny here.
Enter
Shikari - "Arguing With Thermometers"
Beth
Phoenix & Natalya Neidhart def. Tamina & Aksana in a "RIP
DOD..." match We
came back from break as Aksana came down to the ring while Tamina was
already in the ring. Nattie started off with Aksana, and this lasted
longer than 5 seconds. Indeed it was Natalya who took control right
away, hitting a slam and then a Gordbuster. However, as she was near
her corner, Beth did what she did to whichever Bella it was on Sunday
and VIOLENTLY tagged herself in, telling Farty McGee to get out of
her ring. She gave Aksana an immediate Glam Slam for the win.
Beth
walked out of the ring without a care about Natalya. So Nattie
decided to pick up the scraps and looked for the sharpshooter on
Aksana. However, Tamina (who Nattie had knocked off the apron) got
back in the ring, hitting a superkick and Superfly Splash. Because
what Natalya's gastric area needed was someone coming down violently
on it.
The
announcers, well, announced that Great Khali was now replacing Mark
Henry in the Elimination Chamber.
After
the break, we saw the awesome video that aired at the PPV looking at
John Cena. they then sent it to Matt Striker who was with Randy
Orton. He asked about his approach to Barrett since he went down the
stair in his last match with Wade and the World Title Chamber match
was coming up, if he'd be more conservative this outing. Orton said
he wouldn't hold anything back. He didn't hold what Wade did against
him. He'd have done the same thing to him. What Orton has a problem
with was with Wade running his mouth and he would beat Wade tonight
and then again (and everyone else) in the Chamber.
Randy
Orton def. Wade Barrett in a "Well, I don't think they're
stretching out the blowoff until Wrestlemania..." No Countout/No
DQ match After
Wade made his entrance and we saw a replay of Orton's quickest star
descent ever, we rather incongruously cut backstage to see Teddy long
watching the monitor. Daniel Bryan & AJ walked in, as Bryan said
they wanted to talk about Big Show as she was scared half to death.
Long said they'd watch the match and discuss it.
They
traded shots in the early going, but Orton got the upperhand, hitting
a suplex and then the Orton Stomps. He then eliminated Barrett from
the Royal Rumble. Well he would have done if it were the Royal
Rumble. Orton ducked out too and rammed Wade's head into the steel
steps before tossing him into various parts of guardrail. He set
Wade up on the steps and stomped on his head and dropped Barrett
back-first onto the rail. Orton went shopping for plunder and he was
buying a table. He pulled one out as we took a break.
We
came back and Orton was ready to superplex Barrett through the table,
which was in the ring. However, Wade managed to fight him off and
pushed Orton back through the table, picking up a 2 count. This
allowed Wade to take control, as he began to focus on the recently
heeled back, stomping on it before stretching the ribs around the
ringpost. Back in the ring, Wade picked up a 2 count, before hitting
the knees to the head in the ropes and the big boot.
Things
went outside again, and Orton fired back, sending Wade into the
crowd, Barrett tried to get away, but Orton kept pace, hitting Wade
with shots as they went round a floor seat section before Wade was
clotheslined back over the rail. Orton came off the guardrail with a
double axe handle. However, Wade reversed a whip into the steel
steps. Wade got himself a chair and went to work on Orton with it,
particularly with shots to the back and jabs to the gut. Wade wanted
Wasteland on the chair, but Orton slipped out and began a comeback
with his usual offence. He then grabbed the chair himself hitting
Wade a bunch of time with it.
Orton
wedged the chair into the corner and whipped Wade into it. Orton hit
a dropkick that sent Wade out. He tossed Wade over the announce
desk, before then bringing him back to the apron for the Elevated
DDT. Orton wanted the RKO, but Wade pushed off and then hit The
Winds Of Change. This got him a deuce, when Orton put his foot on
the ropes. Wade got himself a second chair and jabbed Orton in the
back with it. Wade tried a Pumphandle Slam, but Orton slipped out,
spun Wade round and hit the RKO. But he decided this wasn't enough.
He set the chair up and hit another RKO nominally on the chair
(although it's clear that Orton's arm would hit the chair more than
any part of Wade's head. Mild logic gap aside, this was satisfactory
enough for Orton to pick up the win.
As
Orton celebrated, we cut backstage again to Long, Bryan & AJ.
Long said that he knew they were bent out of shape about Big Show,
but wouldn't have to worry about him next week. That would be
because Bryan would be facing Randy Orton. Bryan said he wasn't
afraid of giants or snakes. He told AJ to stay safe there and
watch.
We
cut back to Orton as Bryan came down the ramp, doing his "YES!"
deal as Orton looked on completely befuddled about what Bryan was up
to. Bryan did a lap of the ring before heading up the ramp as the
show ended.
OVERALL
- Good show this week with a cracking main event and a very strong
promo segment at the top of the hour. The rest of the show was
pretty much the standard stuff. Good opener with Sheamus & Cody.
I know what some people are going to say, since I've already seen
them say it. "Why does Cody have to lose after a few strong
wins?" Well, we know Cody isn't going to Mania as World
Champion. Sheamus is going to a title match at Mania. Cody will
have his day. So 1 TV loss to a main player isn't going to do him
any harm whatsoever. Tangentially, it was a pretty good opening
segment as well actually.
That
said, when I say that, Teddy Long was being an uber-dick this week.
Not just in that segment, but overall. Cole had a thought about it
being the case that Johnny Ace's situation was a wake up call. But
yeah, prodding a talent in the chest and then suspending him for
flicking your tie is a dick move in my book. That said, Henry sure
as hell needs some time to rest up.
Obviously,
I'm no fan of this farting gimmick of Nattie's (outside of Marella's
reactions to it), but what I did find interesting on this show was
the continuation of Beth's "Cold dominance" thing. On
Sunday, I assumed that since one Bella seemed to leave with Beth &
Nattie while the other stood adod at what happened, that it was going
to lead to a sister split and that's why Beth made that tag. But for
her to do it here to Natalya means it's something else. My guess is
that Beth alienates and dominates everyone until she gets her due
karma (or indeed Kharma) at Mania.
Other
than that, given the long main event and LONG middle promo, there
wasn't much else to this show, but overall, it was a good one. You
can contact Aaron via his personal
Facebook or the WWI
Fan Page. All he asks is that if you do "friend"
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reviews.
