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Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Edge Cuts One For The First Time In A Long Time
By Aaron Wood
LAST
WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: The IC
Champion remain Scottish rather than a guy who can do a passable Scottish
accent, the part of Mickie James was played by Layla, Punk probably needed a
drink after getting robbed of his title shot and Rey & HBK did have their
first ever match against each other on Smackdown...
THIS WEEK… We start with Sunday and the Rumble and Edge making his surprise return and winning the thing. And hey, The Cutting Edge is returning tonight! And Undertaker is the guest! You know, given all the postulating before The Rumble and then afterwards with the knowledge that Edge won, it's funny how the WWE took an incredibly clear Wrestlemania card and totally muddied the waters. If the talk about how this year. they put the main matches together before the Rumble and worked backwards is true, then that's wacky enough on it's own to throw in a planned curveball, but I'm thinking the WWE thought that the Mania card was too predictable. But I fancy that they have booked themselves into a slight corner. But I digress for now. The Legend That Is Todd Grisham and Matt Striker pimped that we'd be copying RAW with Elimination Chamber qualifier matches, and then we would be going back to RAW Monday night as we would see something that happened after the show went off the air, showing a still of Cena up in the Batista Bomb in front of some steel steps. WAY TO GIVE AWAY EVERYTHING WE NEEDED TO KNOW, NUMBSKULLS! I mean, couldn't put up a picture of the last shot of RAW or even just a still of John Cena. Or a picture of Cena and Bret to hint things going differently? But no, they gave it away... Oh yeah, I had almost forgotten, given Edge's promo on Monday, that he should be feuding with Jericho... Chris Jericho's music played and he came out all dressed up. Hurricane's drinking buddy took the mic and said that it was supposed to be his night being victorious, but he wasn't. That was taken away from him on Sunday and thusly being in the Main event of Mania was gone as well. And that was something he had planned on since beating 4 guys in the same night last year. For the last 10 months, he had planned everything in detail, but in 10 seconds, it was taken away by one guy, Edge. But he entered under false pretences. He was unannounced and he didn't deserve it. Jericho said he deserved it! While Edge was at home, he had carried the WWE on his back. Filling building, winning titles. And suddenly, Edge is back and everyone is talking about him. But what we apparently failed to remember is that Edge was a con artist. He was the same man without any heart or passion. He walked out on Jericho when they were tag champions and left Jericho alone. And now Edge was going to Mania and he had NOTHING! Jericho was too good to settle for nothing! And now Jericho has to qualify for the Chamber match. He wanted Teddy Long to come out and make it right for him. However, there was no Teddy to be seen. So Jericho followed through with Bret's threat from Monday as he left the ring to go on a Thaddeus hunt. We cut backstage as Jericho walked along yelling at various people asking where the office was. When he found the office, he barged in and met a man reading a newspaper. But it wasn't Teddy. It was Edge! Edge said Jericho was the reason he was back as he lit the fire under him and created the monster. Jericho said if he created it, he could slay it and Edge would regret returning. However, Edge said that it would be Jericho who regretted it. But tonight, he was in a celebratory mood, so he was bringing back The Cutting Edge and he would be talking to a possible Mania opponent in Undertaker. Jericho said he'd be watching. Awesome start to the show. we took a look inside the home of The Honky Tonk Man Elvis AARON Presley as we came back before Todd & Matt threw it to the Elimination Chamber hype video. I love how the 2 voices in the video belong to Jim Ross and Joey Styles. We came back to recap the RAW line up, which ironically enough, I almost called perfectly, as I had Cody in there instead of Ted, although when I wrote it down, it was a toss up. And then RDLee pointed out that Big Show would surely be in it, and I admitted I blanked on him. Seems as though I did for good reason... RPA And The United Nations Of Sound - Are You Ready? John Morrison def. THE SCOTTISH INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION~! Drew McIntyre & Kane in a "Anyone care to imagine why Kane is in this match?" Triple Threat match to qualify for the World Title Elimination Chamber match Striker pimped out that Drew lasted 14 minutes in the Rumble and it took both members of DX to throw him out. To be fair, while the 14 minutes thing isn't impressive sounding, it did last short of 50 and not many hung around this year. But it certainly sounds odd that you usually pimp out those who lasted at least half an hour, but 14 minutes this year was an accomplishment. Striker noted, while talking about how Kane was in the first match, that he was sat in the crowd as a fan for that match. Given the timeframe, that that show was in MSG (or at least the New York area) and Striker's story, I totally believe he was. Morrison went after McIntyre before Kane drew him away. McIntyre attacked Kane but JoMo rolled him up for a quick 2. Drew & John were caught in chokeslam position, but the feuding pair actually combined to hit Kane with a double DDT. Morrison then gave Drew the Cactus Clothesline out as we took a break. We came back with McIntyre and Kane in the ring and Morrison laying outside. Kane was in control, as he snapmared Drew over and hit the basement dropkick for 2 when Morrison broke it up. Morrison was hit with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by McIntyre for a 2 count that Kane broke. Kane gave Drew a big boot before heading up. However, Morrison hit the Pele kick to crotch him. Drew dumped Morrison out and looked for the superplex, but was shoved off and then Kane grabbed him for a chokeslam. Before he hit it though, McIntyre hit The Flying Chuck, kicking Kane in the face and, by coincidence, kneeing McIntyre in the back of the head. Morrison downed Kane with a jumping heel kick for 2 that Drew broke up. Morrison hit McIntyre with a tilt-a-whirl DDT for 2. Kane squashed the other two in the corners before dumping Drew out. He then hit Morrison with the side slam for a 2 count. He went up and the flying clothesline connected. He called for the chokeslam, but Drew came in and hit a belt shot the gut, followed by the Scot Drop/Futureshock DDT. However, as he covered, Morrison hit Drew with the running knee followed by Starship Pain on the prone Kane for the win! ---------- 7.5/10 - Fun match that didn't slow down thanks to there always being a guy spare to keep it going. I'm a little disappointed that they put Kane in there purely to job for Morrison and protect McIntyre. I mean, I like that they are protecting McIntyre, but if they had no intention of putting him in the chamber, then I wouldn't have had him in a qualifier at all. The Miz wasn't in one on RAW, so even if they were compelled to explain (and I don't think they'd need to) they could have said something like "The US and IC Champions will have defences at the PPV". Hell, it wouldn't surprise me if both men had title defences at the show anyway, although you never know, with the triple threat tag on RAW, Miz MAY end up defending the tag titles... ---------- After replays, we saw Morrison celebrate his win and title shot. They pimped out the Cutting Edge to come, and if I'm not crazy, they gave it a new logo. R-Truth def. Mike Knox in a "Which is longer? Truth's entrance of this match?" match to qualify for the World Title Elimination Chamber match After Truth came out singing, the announcers noted Truth's recent roll, mentioning him eliminating both Big Show and Mark Henry at the same time. That right there is enough to say they're high on Truth at the moment. That said, Knox was the one making an impact early as he almost immediately hit the running crossbody for a 2 count. Knox with a scoop slam and knee drop for another 2 count. However, Truth low-bridged Knox on a charge and pescadoed over onto Knox. Back in the ring, Truth went up and hit a front missile dropkick. He then ducked a clothesline and hit the Flying Burrito for the win! ---------- 5.5/10 - VERY short, but decent enough while it lasted. ---------- John Cena has no sense of timing As Truth celebrated, we went to an awesome video on Bret and Vince from last Monday. After that, we picked things up after RAW had gone off the air. Now, if you recall, the people were BEGGING for John Cena to make the save. And indeed, that's what they got eventually, as Cena ran in and chased off Vince & Deacon Dave. Bret & Cena hugged and Cena raised his arm. But from behind Batista came back and took Cena apart, sending him into the step, over the announce table. He took the stairs and hit Cena in the head before, in the ring, hitting a Batista Bomb to Cena off of the steel steps. Marina And The Diamonds - Hollywood We cut backstage to see the Straight Edge Society and Punk was crapping himself. He noted to Gallows and Serena that without him, they weren't them. There would be no society. You see, he was facing Batista. You saw what he did to Bret & Cena. Batista would want to end his crusade. So while he's protected them, he needed to know what they'd do for Punk. Serena said she'd do anything. Luke said he'd stick his head in the fire to preserve their salvation. Punk said both of them might have to help... Nice little bit from the Society there. Puts over Batista as dangerous and gets over the cult-like persona Punk had built for himself. However, who books the 2 most hated guy in the same qualifier against each other??? Couldn't one of them have faced Kane? CM Punk def. Batista by Countout in a "I'm guessing that winning the title isn't the be-all and end-all in Batista's world now..." match to qualify for the World Title Elimination Chamber match Batista came out first, followed by Punk and his buddies. Punk looked to lock-up, but Batista lounged in the corner, like he could give a s**t. Everyone stood around as the crowd booed, with Batista almost giggling at it all. And then Batista just left the ring, leaving the referee to count him out to almost everyone's confusion. ---------- Unrateable/10 - There literally was no match to speak of here. And it was entirely incongruous to see Batista not give a drizzling s**t about a match that could see him win the title. But then again, after Monday and the footage they aired just before it, there's more to the story there. ---------- Punk was PRICELESS here as he celebrated the victory. He jumped into Gallows's arms with the biggest smile on his face before Serena leapt on Punk. Punk then started doing laps around his followers. We cut backstage to see Matt Hardy walking. He came across Maria, and congratulated her on being on The Apprentice before heading to the curtain. Chris Jericho def. Matt Hardy in a "So, the guy who was arrested beat the guy who ran away???" match to qualify for the World Title Elimination Chamber match Hardy came out before the break, with Jericho already in the ring when we came back. I mean, we've already seen his entrance anyway. ,Hardy looked to lock up, but Jericho hid in the ropes. He eventually did lock up, but Hardy pushed him into the corner, and Jericho ducked out the ring as Matt broke. Back in and Jericho got the side headlock. He scored with the shoulderblock, after being shoved off, but Hardy came back and took Jericho into the corner, before (just) scoring with a clothesline. Jericho telegraphed a backdrop with a kick to the chest, but charged and was elevated out and over the top. Hardy then came off the apron with a clothesline. Jericho knocked Hardy into the steel steps before getting back in. Hardy made it back in the ring at about nine and a half. Jericho stayed in control of the match and locked on a chinlock as we saw a dab of blood coming from Hardy's mouth. However, Matt got out and scored an inside cradle for a 2 count. Jericho came right back with the enziguri for a 2 count. Jericho choked Matt with the ropes. However, after a whip into the corner, Hardy avoided the charge and hit a neckbreaker for a 2 count. Hardy hit some shots before clotheslining Jericho in the corner, followed by the bulldog out of it for a 2 count. Hardy came off the middle rope with the back elbow. The Twist Of Fate was blocked though and Jericho hit the Lionsault for a 2 count. Hardy scored a Side Effect for a 2 count of his own. Hardy took Jericho into the corner before whipping him across, but Jericho dodged the charge and rolled Hardy up with his feet on the ropes for a 2 count. Jericho looked for the Walls, but Hardy turned it into a rollup for 2. The Twist Of Fate was blocked again as Jericho held onto the ropes, and Jericho hit the Codebreaker for the three. ---------- 7.5/10 - Again, this was a fun TV match, where they didn't slow down too much, other than the relatively quick chinlock spot in the middle. ---------- A WWE Rewind saw a still picture recap of the Women’s Title match at the Royal Rumble and Mickie's ultimate cake-based revenge afterwards. The Maccabees & Roots Manuva - Empty Vessels This led TONY THE CHIM~! to introduce our new champion, Mickie James. Striker managed to fit a couple of fat jokes in before Mickie took the mic. She said since she was traded to Smackdown Michelle & Layla made it their business to humiliate her. And she'd be lying if the jokes and pranks didn’t hurt. But "we" did it at the Royal Rumble. Hang on... "We"? Who's "We"? I mean, do you count yourself as 2 people? Seriously, I assume she's meaning the fans who supported her side, but it sounds a little incongruous to say "we" when she was the only one who did any work. Anyway, she said that when someone tries to break you down, what goes around comes around. Beth Phoenix's music kicked in, as we saw some pictures of Beth's involvement in the Rumble. She said while Mickie was celebrating her win over a couple of little girls, she was making history by taking part in the Rumble with 29 men. That puts her in a league of her own. And while she's proud that Mickie stood up for herself, but she shouldn't think that Beth won't take the title any time and any place she wants. EXCUSE ME! Vickie Guerrero appeared and instantly became the most over heel in the building. Anyway, she was putting the kibosh on Beth getting a title shot. But since both of them felt like wrestling, they could face the true No. 1 Contender Michelle and her partner Layla in a match to start now. Mickie James & Beth Phoenix def. Michelle McCool & Layla in a "If Matt Hardy can be left on his own in a tag match and still win it, Mickie sure as hell can!" match Team LayCool now seem to be called "Simply Flawless", as they came out with hoodies on with Simply Flawless (obviously) and some sort of logo on the back. Beth and Michelle started off, with Beth taking easy control. Beth whipped Michelle into the corner and drove some shoulders into the gut. Michelle took out the leg of Beth and dropped some elbows on it, before picking up a 1 count. Michelle looked for the heel hook, but Beth kicked her off. Beth knocked Layla off the apron before she could tag before taking her into her corner and tagging in Mickie. However, after Mickie wrung Michelle's arm, Beth decked Mickie. Beth then smiled at Michelle before decking her as well. Phoenix then left the ring and headed off. Layla tagged in, but was caught in a cradle for the three count! ---------- 5/10 - The Beth and Michelle stuff was OK, but beyond that, as well as in general, it was more about beginning to establish Beth as the dominant force to face Mickie than anything else. The finish kinda made sense since Beth wouldn't have wanted to team with Mickie anyway, so leaving was logical. Just always odd to see the 1 beat 2 in a tag match, especially after the one was punched down just before winning. ---------- Mickie stared up the ramp while Simply Flawless were aghast. Chiddy Bang & MGMT - Opposite Of Adults Sorry Jerry, this show doesn't need a different colour announcer... We came back to "Word Up" with Cryme Tyme. Their word was "King", which led to talk of various kings before they brought in Jerry Lawler. To be honest with you though, this went NOWHERE after that. Although we did get our first "Puppies!" reference in quite some time... Rey Mysterio def. Dolph Ziggler in a "Yeah, Dolph still can't beat Rey Rey..." match to qualify for the World Title Elimination Chamber match Rey came out first with a green and black colour scheme this week. "Smart" fans everywhere thusly began complaining about how HHH wouldn't be liking that. Ziggler then came out as they went to commercials. As a note, there was a teaser trailer for NXT, which is replacing ECW. What are the odds that the opening credits will be some sort of rock band like every other show instead of doing something that signals that it's different as seems to be promised? We rejoined them as the opening bell rang. Ziggler took Rey down and paintbrushed him. Ziggler then scored a clothesline for a 2 counts. Rey did some lucha to get out and score a sunset flip for a quick 2 count. Mysterio kicked at the legs of Ziggler before giving him a headscissors. Rey then pescadoed out onto Mr. Ziggles, although Rey began to feel his ribs. Ziggler caught Rey as he came back into the ring, but the attempt to run Rey into the ringpost was blocked. Rey came off the top, but was met with a dropkick to the gut for a 2 count. Rey flipped out a back suplex and put Dolph in 619 position, but Ziggler slipped out before he hit it. We then picked things up with Ziggler in control as he whipped Rey across the corners. He put Rey up top and hit a superplex that got him a 2 count. Ziggler then stretched Rey out over his knee. Dolph looked to catapult Rey into the corner, but Mysterio caught himself and dropped Dolph into the bottom turnbuckle. He then hit the springboard seated senton, before rolling through a sunset flip and kicking Ziggler in the head for a close 2 count. Rey blocked a charge and hit the wheelbarrow bulldog for a deuce. Rey floated over a charge and looked to springboard off the ropes, but Ziggler awesomely caught him and hit a power slam. A Fameasser then scored another 2 count. Rey countered a back suplex into a Victory Roll and scored the surprise three count! ---------- 7/10 - Another perfectly acceptable match here, with something of a decent story to it. ---------- After the match, Mysterio avoided Dolph's charge and hit the 619 before he pointed at the Wrestlemania sign. No Rey, you're only going to Elimination Chamber right now... We then reviewed the full World title Chamber match line-up. Come to think of it, if Punk is Straight Edge, does that make Edge "Gay Edge"? Chimmel gave Edge a big introduction to Edge as he came out for his segment. Edge said it was really good to be back, good to be on Smackdown and so good to be back home. In July, he tore his Achilles tendon, but every ounce of energy, sweat and pain was worth it to get back for this moment. He defied the doctor's odds. Who knew that doctors run numbers? I thought it was Vegas. And now, he was on the road to the main event of Wrestlemania. And at Wrestlemania he could face his guest, The Undertaker. OR, he could face the WWE Champion, Sheamus. The same guy who got in his face on Monday. Let's see how that turned out for the Lucky Charms guy! After seeing Edge spear Casper's Irish cousin, Edge admitted that was fun. Less fun however was Chris Jericho's THIRD entrance on the show. Jericho said he wouldn't let Edge bask in the glory of his tainted victory because he took away the plan of him going to Wrestlemania. Edge said Jericho didn't deserve to win because he tossed Jericho's ass out. Jericho said he was the face of Smackdown, but Edge refuted this, and it was his own fault. He took a possible career-ending injury and make it a punch line. And so he wasn't Chris to eat his words, and for the last six months he's gotten sick of Jericho saying he was "The best in the world at what he did" and the rest of it. He was just sick of Jericho altogether. This, apropos of nothing, brought out The Straight Edge Society. Punk said the two of them almost looked beautiful showing their flaws for the world to see. Punk said they looked like two tweaking junkies arguing over the last fix. But it wasn't about them. It was about The Elimination Chamber and The Undertaker. When you talk Taker, you talk about spotlight, and between the three of them, he had the biggest spotlight over Taker. Hey Edge, you'll have this it at home when he made Undertaker tap out. Something he had done nor Jericho could aspire to do. He was also the first man brave enough to look the Universe in the face and challenge them to live under him. So if they needed any more evidence that he was better than either of them, then the Chamber would prove it when he won and became the four-time Straight Edge champion. The scheduled guest, The Undertaker, made his presence known when the lights went out and when they came back on, Taker was in the ring. He cleared the Society while Edge speared Jericho. After chokeslamming Punk, Taker turned and caught Edge primed for a spear. However, he was only threatening it, instead motioning that he was coming for the belt. Both men stared each other down as the show ended. OVERALL - 7.5/10 (+/-0 on last week) - This was a pretty good show this week that felt wrestling-heavy with so many matches, even if some were really rather short, but had enough angles going on so they didn't feel like they were wasting time. Edge & Jericho is bubbling along quite nicely, while Batista's seemingly utterly bizarre behaviour was interesting, if not easy to figure out roughly why, while Punk was great as a messiah and they started setting up Mickie vs. Beth. All in all, very watchable and it continues to be on a roll. Aaron is ill. He wants one of you fine readers, preferably a female, to come to his house and nurse him back to health. He has a rotten head cold and dry cough. Not suspecting the ol' Swine Flu, since he thinks he already had that and beyond the cold and cough, feels fine. But still, rather inconvenient. You can find him either on Facebook, MySpace(myspace.com/aaron24wood), or on Twitter(twitter.com/aaron24wood). And don't forget to check out the ClubWWI Twitter feed while you're there. Or if you're into gaming, Aaron's Playstation Network screen name is, you guessed it, aaron24wood as well!
Alphabetical Listing of Guests You Can Hear on...
Lance
Cade D-Ray
3000 Bobby
Eaton Manny
Fernandez Greg Gagne Chalie
Haas B.G.
James
Rodney
Mack One
Man Gang Harley
Race Dave Taylor
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