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Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Vicki Agrees To Become Mrs. Edge
By Aaron Wood
 ...
LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Smackdown clearly watched RAW the previous Monday, Festus came back a changed man, it's just a shame he changed to the old one and Edge wanted to talk to someone called Vickikins Snugglemuffin...
THIS WEEK… Batista def. MVP in a "Probably a good thing this wasn't a US Title match then, eh Montel?" match Well, we have little time to waste as after the credits and pyro, there was a distinct lack of ballyhoo, as Cole said "Hello" and then Batista came out. I tells ya, I've caned the RAW 15th Anniversary DVD set this past weekend, and I really miss Dave Batista with a full head of hair. MVP followed and Cole & Coach put over how Flair was a friend of Batista. They locked up and Batista took Porter into the corner. They locked up again, and Dave shoved off MVP from the headlock and knocked him down, so MVP took a powder. MVP went for the go-behind, but took an arm drag. Batista hit a scoop slam prompting MVP to stall some more. MVP hit a kick to the gut and forced Batista back into the corner, but Batista fired back and took Porter into another corner. Batista snapmared MVP over and hit a running kick for a 2 count. Suplex by Batista for a 2 count. MVP dodged a Batista charge and sent him into the second turnbuckle, but The Animal sensed MVP coming with the running boot and ducked out the ring. Back in, Batista got the double leg takedown before working over the leg. They got back to their feet, but Batista got the clip the leg of MVP before doing a bit of the ol' Flair playbook, with the knee breaker and Figure Four! MVP made it to the bottom rope, and once it was broken, he took another powder as we took a break. We came back just in time to see Batista drive his shoulders into the guts of MVP. However, he charged again and met with MVP's knee. Porter then sent Batista shoulder-first into the post. An armbar takedown scored a 2 count. MVP then started to pick at the shoulder, notably using the ropes to stretch it and then dropping it off the top rope. A running kick to the head scored a 2 count for MVP. Armbar by MVP,, but Batista dragged out it. Batista pulled Dave out of the ring and then joined him out there, sending Batista into the steel steps. Porter rolled Batista back in for a 2 count. Montel worked on the arm some more. He pulled Batista across and wrapped it around the ring post a few times, although he was eventually pulled into the ringpost himself. MVP broke the count but rolled out into a spinebuster to the side of the ring! They got back in and Batista came off the top with a shoulderblock for a 2 count. MVP blocked a corner charge, but ran out into a normal spinebuster. He set for the Batista Bomb, but it was blocked and MVP scored a roll up, with trunks, for 2. Batista met the ringpost against in the corner. MVP ran in for his boot, but Batista turned and hit a spear. MVP was sent into the ringpost a couple of times before the Batista Bomb ended this one. ---------- 7/10 -Perfectly fine match there. I probably should complain about how Batista beat MVP again, but right now, I don't buy MVP as winning on Sunday. I can buy Batista winning, although I don't think he will. ---------- In a nice dick move, MVP got Justin Roberts to remind everyone he was still US Champion. Backstage, the Rated Rmy approached Edge looking for a game plan, but he asked to be alone. Indeed, he looked helluva nervous... Jesse, Festus, Jimmy Wang Yang & Shannon Moore def. Curt Hawkins, Zack Ryder, Deuce & Domino in a "4 teams here...another team are the champions...sounds like a division to me..." match After the break, the Rmy came out, followed by Deuce & Domino. The Redneck and the Reject then joined the festivities before Jesse & Festus rounded things out. Man, that babyface team are a bunch of bumpkins, huh? We saw a replay of Festus's reveal last week. Take a guess what happened when the bell rang? Festus & Ryder started things off. He knocked Ryder down before tagging in Jesse who hit a splash for a 2 count. Shannon came in and took Ryder into the corner, but he was quickly distracted and the Rated Rmy went to work on him. Nice suplex by Hawkins scored a 2 count. Deuce came in off the tag and kicked Moore for another 2 count. Sleeper by Deuce. Moore avoided a corner charge, but Domino tagged in. Moore made the tag to Yang however and he went to work on the Greasers, scoring a 2 count on Domino. The match broke down as Jesse & Shannon hit splashes to the outside. Yang hit a moonsault on Domino for the 3 count. After the match, the heels beat down the three smaller opponents as Festus just stood there, since he was in his retarded state. Jesse managed to get to the time keeper and ring the bell. This changed Festus back to the ass kicker, allowing him to clear the ring of the heels. Jesse rang the bell when Festus's work was done to get him back to...well...normal. ---------- 5.5/10 - Decent little match and good idea with the beat down. ---------- Vicki Guerrero was being made up by Jan the makeup woman. And well, even Vicki seemed to know what was coming, asking Jan to make her look perfect. Victoria def. Michelle McCool in a "I'm sure she's used to seeing Jamie hurting. I mean, he loses more than he wins..." match No time to waste on skits tonight, clearly, as we head straight to the next match as Michelle came to the ring. And she wasn't loving life as much as she normally does. She tried but it was in her eyes. And indeed, the reason behind it was clear as we saw the epically long beatdown of Jamie Noble last week. And since this week has been all about my hair, I may as well finally point out how awesome Victoria's hair is now. Once she had hit the ring, Chuck Palumbo came out on a hog. I mean, a bike, not literally a hog. He stopped at ringside and occasionally revved his bike, throwing Michelle's concentration off. Victoria took Michelle into the corner and choked her. When Michelle tried to comeback, Chuck revved his engine louder and louder. The ladies tumbled out of the ring from the top rope. They got back in and Victoria picked up a 2 count. Michelle managed to hit a clothesline and a big boot, but Chuck kept putting her off. Victoria got up and hit the Widow's Peak for the win. And on that, Chuck turned the engine off. ---------- 4.5/10 - The match was fine, but there wasn't much to it. This was all about Chuck's involvement, and I thought it was actually a pretty damn good idea. ---------- Chuck got in the ring and got himself a mic. He towered over Michelle who backed up into the corner, but he stood on her arm to stop her moving. He said she would have to watch Noble take a beating. He asked if she was enjoying what she was watching right now. Chuck didn't think she was, but told her that she better get used to it. I actually want to see this paid off at Wrestlemania. The Undertaker def. Big Daddy V in a "Well, that was business as usual" match No really, there are NO skits on this weeks show. Undertaker made his way out. And after I had a cup of tea, went to the bathroom and then decided to take a long walk, he finally got to the ring. Big Daddy V then hit the ring. They locked up, but V was the one with the strength advantage. Another saw the same result. Undertaker tired to pick a leg, but he was clubbed in the back. V choked Taker in the corner before hitting a couple of forearms. Taker dodged a corner splash and then threw fists and kicked at the knee. Taker then worked over V's arm. Taker wrung the arm, but Striker got on the apron. He got punched off by The Deadman, but V took advantage and knocked Taker form the ring. Striker got himself a cheap shot on Taker while they were out there. on the outside, Big Daddy V hit a slap to the chest, but undertaker came back. However, V reversed at attempt to ram his head into the steps, doing it to Taker instead. Back in, V rode Taker and worked on his ribs. Back on their feet, V worked Taker over in the corner. However, he against missed the splash in the corner and Undertaker managed to take the big man off his feet with a clothesline. Old School by Taker was followed with a clothesline out the ring. He rolled the mass of blubber that was his opponent onto the edge of the of the ring and hit the leg drop. Back in the ring, Undertaker scored his running DDT for the three count!!! I can't remember the last time Taker won with that! ---------- 6/10 - Much like the opener, it was a decent match and while I should complain about...well, you know the rest. I did just say I said it earlier. ---------- Taker went to leave but he turned around and decided to attack Matt Striker. He met the steps himself before hitting a chokeslam on the teacher. Taker then put Striker in the Gogoplata hold. After the break, we saw a still nervous Edge. Nothing happened. We just saw him. THE COLE & THE COACH~! went over the No Way Out card. Man, when was the last time a "B" show like this had 4 genuine main events? And the best part is that we in the UK don't have to pay for this one! But if you do and aren't willing to part with your cash, remember to check out World Wrestling Insanity as me and my new haircut will be covering the show in real time. CM Punk & Kane def. Shelton Benjamin & Chavo Guerrero in a "Well Punk ain't winning Sunday...as long as he wins at Mania..." match Kane made his way to the ring first, and that was all she wrote this side of paying the bills. When we came back, his partner, CM Punk came out to join him. Shelton Benjamin was next out, joined by Edge's future brother-in-law-although-he-doesn't-know-it-yet. Kane and Chavo started things off, although a Shelton distraction saw Chavo early the first shots in. However, Kane press slammed Chavo and then tagged in Punk. A Punk leg drop scored a quick 2 count. Benjamin came in, but Punk scored a dropkick. In the corner, Shelton was whipped across hard. Punk hit a couple of forearms, but the charge was counted, and Benjamin hit a T-bone suplex. Benjamin slammed Punk down and tagged in Chavo. Benjamin then launched Chavo up, to come down on Punk for a 2 count. Chavo worked over Punk in the heel corner and pulled the ref away to let Shelton get a shot in. Benjamin came back in and went for a powerbomb into the corner, but Punk slipped out and hit a jumping heel kick. Both men made tags, and Kane went to work on Chavo. Kane slammed Chavo over before hitting a back drop. Clothesline in the corner was followed by the side slam. Kane went up top and hit the flying clothesline for a 2 count that Shelton broke up. Kane grabbed Shelton and Chavo, but they kicked Kane. They whipped him off the ropes where Punk got the blind tag. Punk springboarded in with a clothesline to Benjamin and then gave Chavo the Go To Sleep for the three count. ---------- 6/10 - Decent little match there, even if it is one of those things where it means Punk won't be winning on Sunday. As long as Chavo's pin isn't clean an as long as Punk wins it back at Mania. ---------- Our RAW Rebound was all about the trials and tribulation of John Cena since last October. Finlay def. The Great Khali in a "Beating Khali is just getting easier and easier, huh?" match The Indian duo made their way to the ring first for the last of our Elimination Chamber preview matches. The un-fired Finlay and Hornswaggle came out next as we saw the Kiss Bite My Ass club segment and then Monday's resulting match with Vince and his kid. Finlay circled round Khali, but tried to knock Khali down, but that was an epic fail. Khali took Finlay into the corner and worked him over before choking him with his boot. Finlay kicked back and sat himself up top, but Finlay chopped him, sending Finlay to the floor. Finlay was rammed into the guardrail before he was whipped into the steps. Finlay pulled himself back up to the apron and then hung Khali off the ropes. Finlay ran back in, but was punched down. Khali picked Finlay up and slammed him down after walking round for a bit. Khali put on the shoulder claw. Finlay managed to get up and escape, but he ran into a Big Boot. Khali charged Finlay in the corner, but Finlay got out the way. Finlay went up top again , but jumped into a Double-handed chokeslam. Hornswaggle appeared with the big shillelagh. He hit Khali and then took care of Runjin Singh. Khali shoved Hornswaggle down, but the distraction allowed Finlay to SMACK Khali a couple of times with the normal shillelagh. That picked the win up for Finlay. ---------- 5/10 - It was what it was. We've seen it a number of times before now. ---------- Vicki was being wheeled backstage, by Teddy Long, before we saw the ring get set up for the possible proposal. Man, it's almost an anti-climax that it was indeed a marriage proposal that Edge had for Vicki. Then again, I suppose at least they aren't trying to play it up like they don't have a clue what it is, like dumbasses. Well, at least Rey didn't end up engaged to her instead! We came back to the sound of violins, as they played and we saw the ring bedecked in flowers and hearts. It was almost as if someone was going to propose. Edge was introduced and unfortunately, the violins didn't play a version of his music. That would have been awesome. indeed, they only seemed to know one song, as they just repeated the tune they just played. Anyway, Edge said he had been in TLC matches, Mania matches and Title matches, but for the first time ever, he was nervous. He said he was called the Rated R Superstar, and tonight at least, the R was for "Really, really in love". He had found his soul mate. And so he had a question to...let's just say, pop. Vicki came out as the string section played a tune they had just realised they knew. And Vicki's wheelchair, never mind herself, was a joy to behold! The wheels were covered in feather boas, and it had flowers on it.. It's as if Liberace needed a chair! Teddy, probably remembering the last time something so romantic happened...  ...then left. Edge said he wanted to sing Vicki a passage form a song by fellow Canuck, Bryan Adams. Edge was GODAWFUL! Suffice to say though, he was better than Adam himself. Edge, when he finished doing his Jillian Hall impression, said he thought his title was the most important thing in his life, but not anymore. So Edge got down on bended knee and asked Vicki to make him the luckiest man in the world and be his wife. She accepted on the spot, possibly fearful that someone would jump in and steal the moment. The violins piped up again with a THIRD TUNE! However, there would be someone who would seek to ruin their romantic moment. And he wasn't getting a violin led entrance. Unless the band were REALLY good. It was Rey Mysterio. Speaking form a time when his arm was intact, Rey said he wanted to congratulate the pair and speak on behalf of everyone to say this was the most disgusting sight he'd ever seen. I think so anyway. Some of it was in Spanish. Rey told Vicki she had better be think of dropping the Guerrero name. WHY SHOULD SHE? Edge told Rey to apologise, because if he didn't he'd be the one in the wheelchair. How prophetic! He will be! Rey got in the ring and said more Spanish stuff. He said he was through with apologising, and since he said he was in love with Vicki so much, we couldn't wait to see how in love he'd be after losing at the PPV. Edge attacked, but Rey hit the 619. He went for a Seated Senton, but Edge ducked out the way, with Rey hitting a perfectly positioned Vicki. After the initial shock wore off, Rey was all "Well, tough titties", leaving with a smirk, as Coach intimated that Vicki might be hurt! We saw a replay of the brief fisticuffs in full, as well as Vicki taking the perfect Seated Senton a few times before the show ended. OVERALL - 7/10 (+/- 0 on last week) - Decent enough show that put over all of No Way Out that it needed to. The matches weren't blockbusters, but they didn't have to be. Not tonight. I liked what they did with Chuck and Michelle and I liked the last segment. Decent stuff and frankly, brilliant in comparison to what I sat through earlier. That’s all I got for now, but if you have something to say about this week’s Smackdown, you can e-mail me at MY INSANITY E-MAIL ADDRESS , or come hunt me down on the WWI Forums! OR, you can find me along with the rest of the dribbling masses on Facebook, where The Insanity HAS IT’S OWN GROUP! Well, I’ll be back soon enough, but for now, I believe I’ve fulfilled my contractual obligations. For reading this, And continuing to support World Wrestling Insanity, you’re cooler than the other side of the pillow… I’m out.
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