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Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Chavo...Rey...Real Injury Needing Taken Care Of...Sound Familiar?
By Aaron Wood
 ...
LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Festus needed his bell ringing, everyone got ready for the Elimination Chamber and Vicki got engaged to another wrestler...
THIS WEEK… Naturally enough, we kicked things off this week by looking back at the Elimination Chamber match on Sunday. And you know, unlike TNA, who give away everything, you can tell what happened, but you don't need all of it. Well, enjoy watching this scene for the next six weeks... No opening pyro this week after the credits. Well, not until Edge set his off, that is, as the Rated Rmy, as a whole, came to the ring. Cole put over Rey Mysterio's effort. Well, they were in San Diego... Edge got the mic and pointed out that he was still the champ. Edge put over his boys, Hawkins and Ryder, for weakening Rey in Chile, letting Edge go in for the kill on Sunday. This drew a "You Suck" chant. He called himself a predator, and at Wrestlemania, he'd be facing The Undertaker. Edge said that the crowd would be wrong if they believed he was afraid. Taker was an opportunity to cement his legacy. Taker's 15 & 0. That's undefeated. Just like him (don't get pissy about last year's Money In The Bank...). Edge said beating Undertaker is like winning a title, and obviously, that's something he can do. Edge said he saw the people in their seat and saw people afraid to take a chance because they knew they would fail. Him? He tackles the impossible and succeeds. That's why he had the title. That's why he's never lost it and why he never will. For 15 years, people have wondered who would defeat Undertaker. There's been 15 years of people stepping up, but falling. He told the camera to get in close to tell us all that he would NOT fall. This year it would all end, because he was that man. The lights went out and when they came back on, Taker had Edge by the throat. The chokeslam was blocked, but Taker stayed in control, dishing out a chokeslam to Ryder or Hawkins, while the other one ended up taking a boot to the mush. Shelton Benjamin def. Jimmy Wang Yang in a "Well, if there is something Shelton can do well, it's a ladder match..." Money In The Bank Qualifying match The chipmunk with the "gold" hair came to the ring first. He got himself a mic to stumble his way through saying that there was "ain't no stopping him now". Yang came out next. Well, at least this should be a little less predictable than RAW's matches... Benjamin took Yang down and got a couple of one counts. Yang was taken into the corner, but the ref forced a break and Yang speared Benjamin, holding on for the cover and a 2 count. Benjamin gave Yang a back drop for a 2 count. Shelton hit Yang with a powerbomb into the corner. That scored another 2 count. Benjamin put on a chinlock. Yang fired up and elbowed out of the hold, but Benjamin clubbed Yang back down. They fought over a backslide, but Yang slid over and rolled Shelton up for a 2 count. Suplex by Benjamin scored a two count. Benjamin hit a backbreaker, keeping Yang bent over his knee. Jimmy Yang kneed his way out of that. Benjamin placed Yang up top. Benjamin ripped Yang's vest off and went up top. However, despite getting shoved off, Shelton leaped back up and hit an overhead throw. Yang rolled to the outside. Shelton went out and rolled Yang back in, before making a cover for a close 2 count. Shelton put on another chinlock. Again, Yang got up and elbowed out, but again Shelton stayed on top. Shelton went for another powerbomb into the corner, but Yang hit a hurricanrana. Benjamin got up first, but was rolled up for a 2 count. Yang hit a kick for another 2 count. Yang hit a tilt-a-whirl headscissors, before hitting the spinning kick in the corner. He went up and hit a crossbody for a very close 2 count. Benjamin shoved Yang into the corner, but Yang leapfrogged, rolling Benjamin up for 2. Yang went up for the moonsault. However, Shelton avoided it and hit his finisher for the three count. ---------- 7/10 - Very fun, athletic match. ---------- No, Teddy...you know what happened last time... Teddy Long came out of his office and ran into Maryse. And she's looking HOT! She said that she hadn't been on Smackdown and she had something to ask him, and if he had five minutes. She led him into his office again... After the break, they gave an update on Hornswaggle before promising to show us the footage from Monday! Whoo boy! I do love to see little people get critically injured! Jesse & Festus def. Deuce & Domino in a "So we had a busted nose with the guys who did it running for their lives...only in the wrong order..." match Jesse & Festus came out first, as we reminded ourselves of the clever little after match goings-on last week where Jesse ran the bell again to get Festus's help. Cherry came out sporting a different hairstyle, and she looked good for it. Deuce & Domino ran like Floyd Mayweather when the bell rang, but Festus caught Deuce and went to work on Snuka's boy. Festus slammed Deuce and tagged in Jesse, slamming Jesse onto Deuce for a 2 count. Jesse was whipped off the ropes, but hit a drop toehold and a low dropkick for a 2 count. Domino kneed Jesse in the gut, and rolled outside, but Jesse got in as Deuce got out, and so was dropkicked down. Jesse fought D&D on the outside, but stopped himself when Deuce used Cherry as a shield. Deuce then kicked Jesse to get the advantage in the match. He put Jesse in a headlock, but Jesse managed to get back to his feet. We saw that Jesse had a bleeding nose. Domino was tagged in and he hit Jesse in the back of the head while he was on the top rope. Domino while having Jesse in a headlock, went for a cheapshot on Festus, but it didn't work. Jesse just managed to make the tag to Festus. Festus ran wild on both Greasers. He hit a couple of splashes on Domino. He booted Deuce out of the ring before assisting Jesse in a splash for the three count. ---------- 6/10 - Very decent stuff, but I hope things start getting mixed up soon. There's only so many times where these two team can fight with the same result happening... ---------- Funnily enough after the busted nose action, we hit the RAW Rebound, which was the Big Show/Floyd Mayweather stuff. After the break, we saw a video package on Smackdown/ECW's tour of South America. Big Daddy V def. Shannon Moore in a "So that'll be ECW - 2, Redneck & Reject - 0..." match Big Daddy V came out before we realised Shannon was already there. Coach pointed out the 283 pound weight difference. Oh boy... Moore tired locking up, but got powered down. Moore backed off, before trying to kick the legs. However, he ran into a Black Hole Slam. V stood on Moore, holding the ropes, before tossing Moore over. Moore was sent into the corner, where V hit Moore with a massive chop. Slam by V saw Moore tossed across the ring. Another chop in the corner saw V go for his avalanche. However, Moore avoided it. Shannon hit a couple of missile dropkicks. He got V down to a knee, where he hit more kicks, but he ran into a Samoan Drop. V finished Moore off with a big elbow drop for the three. ---------- 2.5/10 - Moore got more than I expected. ---------- Batista def. MVP in a "Well, that's just overkill..." match After the break, MVP was all set up and ready to go, and he came to the ring. However, he looked stiff, and he walked to the ring, selling his back. Cole said that MVP asked for this rematch form last week. We saw a picture-in-picture promo by MVP. He said that Batista wouldn't beat him again. Batista made his way to the ring next, and it may just be me, but Batista’s eyes looked a little crazy... Cole said Batista said this was the first step to getting over Sunday's loss. They locked up, and MVP was taken to the corner. That forced a break,. MVP grabbed a side headlock, taking Batista down to a knee. Batista took it to the ropes, where the hold had to be broken. Porter worked Batista over in the corner, but Batista fought back. Batista sent MVP into the corner and went to work on the back, with MVP screaming all the whole. Batista got pulled into the second turnbuckle. Porter clubbed Batista down, targeting the neck. Batista was placed across the apron, where MVP hit a running kick to the head. This drew a 10 count from Charles Robinson, although Batista got back in at 5. They slugged it out, but MVP got a drop toehold. He scored a 2 count before hitting some punches from the mount. Porter then wrenched back on the neck, covering the nose. He let that go and put on a front facelock. Batista took MVP down, but was shoved off using Porter's leg. That sent Batista out the ring, where MVP joined him to attack. Back in the ring, MVP made the cover for a 2 count. Arm and neck lock by Montel, which was changed up into another front facelock, trapping the arm. However, Batista managed to counter into a bearhug. MVP got out of it and clotheslined Batista down for 2. Batista reversed a whip and then went looking for the Batista Bomb. MVP ran out the ring, and then hung Batista's neck on the top rope. MVP then scored with a boot to the head for a pretty close 2 count. Playmaker was countered into a spinebuster. Batista picked MVP and gave him another. And then a third! And then it was time for the Batista Bomb for the three count. ---------- 7/10 - Pretty good stuff here, telling a pretty good story. I have a suspicion that if we don't see Matt Hardy within the next 2 weeks, we'll be having some sort of Batista/MVP match for the US Title at Mania... Just my thought... ---------- After the break, we got us the promised footage of the Hornswaggle murdering. Cole told us about his horrible injuries before cuing up the footage... This was AWESOME stuff. Everyone, was brilliant in their role, Finlay especially. And another thing, THIS is why we've had all the (subtler than you think) storyline between Vince & Hornswaggle. It all led up to this moment. And even if it ends up as Finlay vs. JBL instead of Finlay vs. Vince, it's still due to be an awesome, bloody brawl. Kane def. The Great Khali in a "Hart vs. Piper this wasn't..." match After another break, we saw Erik Morales in the crowd. Oddly enough, as Great Khali came out to the ring, it struck me how much Morales looked like Runjin Singh, who it should be noted wasn't with Khali, selling injuries from No Way Out, no doubt. Apparently Singh's kneecap was broken in three places. Don't worry, it's all storyline, for whatever reason. Kane was out next. His manager wasn't there either, because, well, he doesn't have one. Coach brought up Wrestlemania 23, when Khali faced off with Kane. Well, as long as Kane doesn't bring out the meat hook again... Khali shoved Kane, but Big Red came back with punches, although he ended up punches to the mat. Kane came back, taking Khali into the corner. He hit a running clotheslines, but another one was blocked by an elbow. Kane was put in the corner, where Khali worked over Kane before going for a clothesline of his own. That missed though, and Kane hit a punch before heading up top. However, Khali chopped Kane hard, knocking him to the mat. Khali hit a big boot. Khali put on the shoulder claw. However, Kane got out of it and hit Khali with a boot, but it didn't take Khali down. Khali his the overhand chop to the head. Khali put on the Vice Grip. However, Kane launched himself off the ropes and put Khali (eventually) on his back. The referee counted the three count. Khali kept the hold before releasing it thinking that he had won. ---------- 4/10 - Cute finish, but it didn't entirely work, and well, as was noted, they had a match at Mania last year... ---------- THE COLE & THE COACH~! talked about Edge vs. Undertaker, introducing a video package on Taker's (now) 15 wins at Wrestlemania. Awesome video... After the break, we were reminded that Ric Flair was being inducted in the Hall Of Fame. Interesting that they are talking about how he's the only active performer who will have been inducted when it will likely end the next night. Chuck Palumbo def. Matt Jackson in a "Are you sure that shouldn't be "Hardy", not "Jackson"?" match Chuck won with the Full Throttle. That's all you need to know. Well, there was that and that Chuck's opponent looked a bit like a skinny Matt Hardy. And that Michelle McCool was watching on a monitor backstage. ---------- 2/10 - Just enough to show Chuck's fire and his hellishness. I really hope we see him & Noble at Wrestlemania. ---------- Just as we saw Chuck contemplate beating on the jobber more, we saw Rey walk backstage. Rey Mysterio def. Chavo Guerrero in a "Well, at least this Rey beating made sense..." match After a break, Rey came out to a HUGE pop. Well, it was literally 619 country. He gave the hood/mask away...to his own daughter...cheapskate. He "bigged up" San Diego, but he had some bad news. The doctor's said that his bicep was completely torn. Indeed they were surprised he wrestled on Sunday. And so, he needed surgery. That means no Mania for Rey Rey. But hey, he got to roll through his hometown before he had to leave. It was at that point, Vicki Guerrero was wheeled out to the entrance. She said she knew he was hurt, but she didn't give a damn. She was wheeled down the ramp. Vicki called up a recap of what happened last week during Edge's marriage proposal. Vicki said it was intentional. Rey protested, but Vicki shouted over him. Since Rey said he wasn't going to apologise to her, she wasn't going to apologise for what happened next. She was forcing Rey into a match. She called for a referee before introducing her opponent. Her familia... Specifically, her Nephew, Chavo Guerrero. Guerrero went after Rey form the off, and guess what he targeted? That's correct...the leg. Only kidding. however, Rey whipped off a headscissors, but had a bulldog countered into a faceplant. That sent us to the final break. We came back with Rey in an arm lock from Chavo. We saw Vicki as pleased as punch. Rey got out, but after floating over Chavo in the corner, was hit by a Guerrero dropkick. Chavo then hit a dropkick to Rey's arm, sending him out the ring. Rey got shoved into the side of the ring, arm-first. Rey got the waistlock, but Chavo grabbed the ropes. However, Rey sent Chavo out and hit the seated senton from the apron to the floor. Chavo was rolled back in the ring. Rey went up top, but Chavo caught him up there. A superplex was tried, but blocked. Chavo was headbutted down, and another seated senton scored only a 1 count, unable to use the arm. Chavo was whipped into the corner, but the charge was blocked. Chavo went for the roll up, but Rey rolled through and hit the low dropkick for a 2 count. Chavo was kicked into position for the 619, which connected. However, Rey was too hurt to springboard off the ropes. He climbed up to the top, but Chavo knocked him down. Chavo hit the triple verticals that got CM Punk booed on Sunday, before hitting the brainbuster to finish the three off. He then went up and went for the Frog Splash. However, it missed and Rey rolled Chavo up for the win!!! ---------- 6/10 - they worked with what they had, and it had a nice surprise finish. On paper, you'd have expected the Chavo win. ---------- Vicki let Rey celebrate for a bit, but told them to stop, saying it was her turn to hurt Rey. Everyone wondered what she meant, before Big Show's music played. Big Show came out, and his attire of choice is, once again, the Andre singlet. Damn. I was rather hoping it wasn't that. I know it's his "usual" look, but I certainly preferred when he had the double straps. I liked it even better when he wore the trousers. Big Show squashed Rey in the corner before standing on the arm and stamping on it. He then gave Rey the chokeslam he had threatened to on Sunday. And that was that. OVERALL - 7.5/10 (+ 0.5 on last week) - I really rather enjoyed this week's show. Again, there wasn't a single bad segment and there were some interesting things going on. i would say more, but right now I'm exhausted and tomorrow's busy enough. That’s all I got for now, but if you have something to say about this week’s Smackdown, you can e-mail me at MY INSANITY E-MAIL ADDRESS , or come hunt me down on the WWI Forums! OR, you can find me along with the rest of the dribbling masses on Facebook, where The Insanity HAS IT’S OWN GROUP! Well, I’ll be back soon enough, but for now, I believe I’ve fulfilled my contractual obligations. For reading this, And continuing to support World Wrestling Insanity, you’re cooler than the other side of the pillow… I’m out.
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