Smackdown
Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Undertaker vs. Literally The WHOLE Of An Rmy
By Aaron Wood
Mar 7, 2008 - 7:50 PM

LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Big Daddy V peered down and saw Balls, WSX invaded and John Morrison & The Miz spoke the truth!

THIS WEEK…
No funny business or any Floyd Mayweather recaps this week, which is just as well, given how bad it was on Monday. Nope, just right to the credits.

Aah...the first "Sham" accusation...well, the first without hinting at Eddie anyway...
We kicked off with Edge, Vicki and their bitch, Teddy Long, already in the ring. Edge said he didn't want to be a negative Nancy, but Mania was shaping up to be a really depressing event (Don't remember December To Dismember). Y'see two things would come to an end. First would be undertaker's Wrestlemania streak. He wasn't looking to brag, but he had never lost to Undertaker. Vicki piped up mentioning the main event of a 3 on 1 match against Taker, as T-Lo looked on in disgust.

However, the other tragedy that would befall Wrestlemania would be something that involved his guest. Y'see his 35 year career would come to a halt. Cue Ric Flair. Naitch (That would be Flair, not the WWI Forum member) thanked Edge for having him. He took a seat at Edge's behest. Edge brought up what HBK said on RAW, and so, in a little over 3 weeks it would be over. HBK said it himself. Flair said that with all due respect to Michaels, the "show" could be going on. Edge said that if that happened, America would get itself in order and Britney would put on some underwear. Anyway, Edge didn't ask Flair to be on as a retiree, but he wanted Ric Flair...the loser...

After some voluminous "You Suck" chants, Edge said that unlike him, Flair had lost to Undertaker at a Wrestlemania, so his question was "How does it feel?". Flair said it hurt like hell, and something he'd never forget. And Edge had to forget Taker's streak, but instead worry about Taker taking the title from him. Flair said Taker beating him didn't hurt him, but what Edge was going to suffer, since he chose to have the sham/scam of a relationship with Vicki, he's still be losing his title at Mania. Vicki chipped in. She said she didn't care who Flair was for Flair to criticise them. Edge said he couldn't let him talk to Vicki like that, so he wanted Flair to watch tonight's main event, because next week, there'd be another 3 on 1 match. Not with Undertaker again, mind you, but with Flair. It wouldn't be with is career on the line though, he'd give Flair that. How was that with Vicki? Well, she had to tweak it. It'd still be 3 on 1, but let's put it in a Steel Cage. Edge gloated, prompting Flair to slap his chops. They squared up, but no more fists were thrown. Flair took his leave as Teddy smirked.

Flair woo'ed his way back up the ramp as we took a break.

CM Punk, Jesse & Festus def. Chavo Guerrero & THE BEST DAMN TAG TEAM EVER! in a "OK, so objectivity may start lacking from now on..." match
Well, I have to tell you a story. Some of you will be aware of it all and some of you won't be. Yesterday, in my home city (Edinburgh, Scotland), a store by the name of HMV, which sells music, games and DVD's, held the final of a competition that saw people playing Smackdown vs. RAW 08 on the *spits* XBox 360, the ultimate prize being tickets to Wrestlemania. And to mark the occasion, the WWE sent over John Morrison and the Miz. So naturally, given that it was my home city and not the usual location of Glasgow, I had to attend. And it all went down yesterday.

I got up at the literal crack of dawn to get a bus into town to make sure I got a wristband to gain entry to the event later. Must admit, that was a redundant idea, since they were handing them out before the event when I return some hours later. At a guess there must have been a couple of hundred people there in total. The line didn't look huge, but they were bunching us up quite deep. It certainly caught the store off guard since just as I was getting to the front of the line, the word went round that they were going to have to insist on one thing signed per customer. I got the boys to sign the free t-shirt that was handed out, but I also got what I really wanted...


The Chick Magnet, The Shaman Of Sexy and a fat bloke, which what seems like a 'fro, but it's honestly just the angle...

Both guys were awesome, although I'd say Miz was the more open, but there was a LOT of kids going about yesterday and they were great with them. Personally, I mentioned the Delaney/Dreamer feud, mentioning how I was upset that the match that happens on Tuesday's ECW wasn't happening at Mania (Hey, frankly, the best scenario would be for Delaney to get the pin at Mania to cap off "the dream"), and that I loved the Dirt Sheet (and they are, frankly, hilarious).

Anyway, as you can probably appreciate, when it comes to these two, objectivity just took a long walk off a short pier.

So...TO THE MATCH! John, Mike and Chavo were already in the ring as Jesse & Festus came out first for their side, before Punk rounded out the field, as Chavo boasted as to who still had the belt. Festus went mental as per usual, sending the heels out the ring right away. Jesse had to convince Festus to start on the outside. Punk & Miz started things off properly, as Cole pimped the latest Dirt Sheet, which I must check out. Punk hit a jumping heel kick, but Miz dropped him throat first onto the top rope and Chavo tagged in. Punk gave Guerrero a back drop before tagging in Jesse. Jesse countered and armdrag with one of his own, before hitting as dropkick for a 1 count. Chavo avoided a corner charge, but Jesse tripped him up. However, while Festus went after an intruding Morrison, Miz shoved Jesse off the top before we took a break.

Miz was in control of Jesse as we came back, but he was quick to tag in the Shaman Of Sexy, who put on a top wristlock. Jesse hit a jawbreaker to break it up, but Miz was tagged in and tried to prevent the tag. However, he failed. Festus mowed through my 2 new best friends and Chavo. He hit the flying shoulder block and splash on Miz, before hitting a big boot for a 2 count, broken up by Miz's partners. Things broke down, with Punk and Jesse diving onto Chavo and Morrison. Festus gave Miz the flapjack for the win.

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6/10 - Fun little match, but that was more or less all it was.
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Backstage, Michelle was with Jamie Noble. She said he didn't need to prove anything to her. Noble said she knew how she felt about him. She was relieved as she wanted to talk to him about it. Noble jumped in to say that he knew she was hot for him. Hey, the chicks dug the accent and his redneckish ways! But the thing was, he wasn't a one-woman man! She said she understood. She breathed a big sigh of relief when he left. Well, the Chuck issue really is dead now. But at least they put a coda on it and didn't just drop it, like, say, Balls & Kelly Kelly.

MVP def. Batista by Count Out in a "Well, it's not a pin, but they all count" match to retain the US Title
MVP came out first and boy, he's growing a beard...not the greatest look, but he could have some PIMP~! Mutton Chop sideburns if he so chooses. Batista came out and pointed at the title, which MVP helpfully held up for him to see. As Batista posed for the crowd, MVP trash talked Cole & Coach. Don't ask me why. They just sat there like a pair of geeks.

Batista backed MVP into the corner, but the ref had to call for a split. They locked up and MVP got the go behind, but Batista scored the takedown, prompting Montel to take a powder. Back in the ring, Batista laid in some shots, before whipping MVP off the ropes into a boot. He sat MVP up and went for a kick, but MVP ducked it and rolled out the ring. Batista hit a couple of shots before rolling him back in. Batista took MVP down and began working on MVP's knee, slamming it off the mat before putting on a single-leg Boston Crab. MVP made the ropes. MVP rolled out the ring for an ad break.

We came back to see Batista driving shoulder into MVP's gut. He worked on the leg again, before running in and kicking it. MVP was whipped into the other corner, where more shoulders were driven. However, another charge was blocked. MVP then went after Batista's leg himself before hitting a Shining Wizard (!!!!!) before making a pin for a 2 count. MVP dropped an elbow before putting on a chinlock. Batista fought back up to his feet and then threw MVP off. However, MVP dropkicked the leg out from Batista for a nearfall. MVP grabbed the leg, but was kicked off. MVP hit his jawbreaker off his knee (the injured knee) for a 2 count. MVP rolled out so he could work on Batista on the outside, kicking Batista in the head.

MVP rolled Batista back in for a 2 count. MVP picked the leg and worked it over, although Batista grabbed a chinlock at the same time, before clubbing MVP off. MVP was whipped into the corner, but the charge was missed. MVP set for the running boot, but that missed. Deacon Dave hit a couple of clotheslines in the corner, before hitting the spinning uranage. MVP was hoisted up for a powerslam, but MVP slipped out and hit Big Show's "Final Cut" for a 2 count. The Playmaker was countered into a spinebuster. Batista shook them ropes, but MVP went for a low blow. Batista caught the swinging arm and kicked MVP outside. Batista sent MVP into the crowd, before being thrown back over. Near the ring, MVP kicked Batista off and just as Batista was getting back in the ring, Jimmy Korderas counted to 10. It was a damn close thing, has to be said.

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7/10 - Nice match here with a good storyline. Only thing missing was a Matt Hardy attack afterwards. HE did return at a house show, so let's hope something happens next week.
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Cole & Coach sent it to a recap of what happened between Finlay, Vince & JBL on Monday. It was an entirely unexpected turn, at least from what I expected to happen, but I'm damn sure intrigued as to what part Vince's family played in this, if it's ever revealed. Plus I thought JBL was entirely awesome here. I'm loving his soul-less, sadistic side.

After the break, we went backstage to see Edge & Vicki canoodling. There was a knock at the door. They ignored it, but Jamie Noble stormed in. He wanted Chuck and he wanted him tonight. Vicki dismissed the idea because he was bigger then Jamie. Noble said he could take on anyone bigger than him. Vicki said if he likes taking on bigger men, he could have Big Show. TARNATIONS~!

Cole & Coach pimped the Hall Of Fame class of 2008, before re-announcing Mae Young's selection. She's a good worthy pick and if you haven't already, take a listen to her great interview on ClubWWI. They then pimped the "Wrestlemania Rewind" RAW on Monday. Looking forward to it, has to be said.

Cole then pimped that Kim Kardashian was going to be a "Guest Hostess" at Mania. Whatever that means.

Anyone fancy a mini-Diva Search?
THE COACH~! was in the ring to host a Bikini contest. Eve was out first, doing what she does best. Wearing a robe. Cherry was next. YAY! Maryse was next out, and oddly, she was fully clothed. Victoria was next and she too seemed fully clothed. Michelle rounded out our field.

Coach said that over the next four weeks, someone would get eliminated to find out who the hottest Smackdown Diva was. And the winner would not only get bragging rights, but their own custom made motorcycle form some professional guy that wasn't Chuck Palumbo.

Eve went first. Meh. Cherry went next. She seemed reluctant, in a very hot and cutesy way. And boy when she finally dis-robed, she was HOT!!! Maryse did indeed remove clothing. And suddenly, I see why Zah picked her in the babe draft. Victoria did some wacky dancing before stripping off. She went to climb up the ropes but fell off. It looked deliberate. Michelle went last. And given how there's a motorbike involved, can you guess who is winning? Maryse & Eve started a shoving match. Michelle got involved and they dumped Maryse out. She pulled Eve out the ring while Victoria & Michelle squared up to each other. Cherry ran away during this in a very hot and cutesy way.

Apparently, we vote and someone gets bumped next week.

After the break, we got the seemingly annual video about Rey Mysterio and his injury. No actual surgery footage though...

Kane def. Chuck Palumbo in a "So he went from "interesting with Noble" to "beaten by Kane"?" match
Kane made his way out first before Chuck came out. They locked up, with Kane taking Chuck into the corner. Chuck reversed the position and unloaded some fists. Kane fought back and whipped Chuck off the ropes into a back elbow and low dropkick for a 2 count. Kane sent Chuck into the corner, but the charge was blocked with Chuck hitting a clothesline. Mounted punches by Palumbo, before he drove Kane into the corner, throwing some fists and chops in there. Chuck pulled Kane out and hit a clothesline for a 2 count.

Chuck continued to club Kane, but a corner charge was blocked by a boot. Kane then went to work in the corner, knocking Chuck down with an uppercut. Whip across was followed by a couple of clotheslines. The sideslam scored a 2 count. Kane climbed up top, but Chuck cut him off and kicked him off the top. He then booted Kane down, but Kane shot up. Headbutts to the shoulder by Chuck, but he ran into a chokeslam for the three count.

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6/10 - Short but good. Chuck looked very game here.
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Big Show walked the halls...

After the break, Cole sent it to some opinions from various boxing and boxing-related people on the Mayweather/Big Show match. They all pretty much went with Big Show.

Big Show def. Jamie Noble by DQ in a "So he went from "interesting with Palumbo" to "beaten by Big Show"?" match
Jamie Noble awaited Big Show in the ring. Noble tried using his speed but Big Show got fed up and just thrust Noble tot he mat. Jamie took a kick to the ribs. Noble kicked and hit a low blow for the DQ, but that was just gonna piss the big man off. Show chopped Noble down while he allowed his nuts to re-adjust themselves. He picked Noble up and gave him a shot to the ribs. He did it again and we saw that Noble was suddenly bleeding out the mouth, due to the injuries. A third shot to Noble saw Charles Robinson plead for the Pitbull's life.

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1/10 - Nothing to hit. Just another exhibition of the threat to Mayweather.
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Big Show said that he didn't like Mayweather and neither did the WWE locker room. He again wondered if the 20 million was worth risking his career, because at Mania, when Big Show was done, Floyd's career would be OVAH~!

The Rated Rmy def. Undertaker in a "Never saw that one coming..." match
We came back with the whole of the Rated Rmy in the ring posing to the crowd. Cole said that next week there would be a No Holds Barred match for the US Title between MVP & Batista. Hardy HAS TO be showing up! Undertaker then made his way out. Curt Hawkins started off for the Rmy, doing his best to duck-n-move, but he wasn't too good at it and toyed with him, tossing him into the heel corner. Ryder tagged in, and again, Taker threw his opponent into his team's corner, but he stared Edge & Hawkins off the apron. Taker worked over Ryder on the apron with his elbow and leg drop. Taker pulled his chew-toy across pulled the hand out for a tag with Edge, but Edge jumped off the apron.

Undertaker continued to work over Ryder. However, Edge pulled Ryder out the way on a charge. Undertaker fell out the ring, where Edge gave him a cheapshot. Back in the ring, Ryder stomped away on Undertaker before raining down blows. Ryder scored with a dropkick. Hawkins was tagged in and the former Major Brothers took rapid fire tags for a shot. edge finally tagged in and posed. However, he took too long and Taker grabbed him. Edge's neckbreaker was blocked into a DDT. Edge crawled over and tagged in...one of them. Taker grabbed the arm, and went for Old School, but when progress was blocked, Taker jumped off the rope with an armdrag. Edge got a blind tag and while the chokeslam was blocked, Edge booted him down. Taker went for the Gogoplata on Edge, but the Edgeheads broke it up. Taker gave them a double chokeslam, but he turned into an Edge spear, with the Champ scoring the three count!

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6/10 - Decent enough, if short. But Edge has pinned Undertaker, and they went to pains to say that he did it tonight, but could he do it on his own at Mania.
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Both men stared each other down as the show ended.

OVERALL - 6.5/10 (- 0.5 on last week) - Decent show, but nothing spectacular. Decent Wrestlemania build where needs be. I certainly wanted to see Big Show/Mayweather more after tonight than I did after Monday. Next week, as a whole is going to be an interesting one. The 3 hour RAW, Miz & Morrison vs. Dreamer & Delaney in an Extreme Rules match and then Flair vs. the Rated Rmy in a cage. Can't wait!