Smackdown
Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: So Many Men...So, Uh, Few Cages...
By Aaron Wood
Mar 14, 2008 - 8:08 PM

LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Vicki stated the obvious to Jamie Noble, Kane took on a bike-riding guy that wasn't his brother and MVP showed off his chops...

THIS WEEK…
What? No Sergeant Slaughter? FOR SHAME!
After the credits, Cole & Coach welcome us to the show and confirm that HBK would be joining Ric Flair in the steel cage, before Justin Roberts introduced Maria! SWEET! I get me some Maria! Obviously, since she's from Chi-Town, it seems appropriate. And indeed, she gives her hometown a shout-out. She pimped out her match, but tonight, she was hosting thee second round of the Smackdown Diva contest. That would be, in case you need reminding, Eve, Cherry, Maryse, Victoria & Michelle. And the loser with the fewest votes over the past week was...Maryse!. Surprising, because she's hot (Just ask Zah), but not that surprising since no-one knows who she is. She took it like a sport though. Personally, I'd have bumped Eve.

Anyway, to tonight's challenge. It was an obstacle course! Balance beam, running through tires, bunny hopping in a sack, and then jumping over a vaulting horse sized wall. But the quickest time doesn't get immunity. It's all about the viewer voting. Eve went first, and very acrobatically went round in 23 seconds. Cherry was next. She powered around in 22 seconds! Victoria was next. As Victoria has seem want to do lately, she fell out the ring and the took a comic dive over the wall in her effort of 25 seconds. She seemed to think she did well though... Michelle was last but not least. And even though Michelle had problems with the sack, Michelle still skipped round in only 20 seconds. That meant Michelle "won", but it was down to fan's votes.

Anyway, we cut backstage to see Flair getting ready. Shawn Michaels walked in. He thanked HBK for having his back, but was worried to death that one of them would get hurt tonight, but he didn't want anything less than "Mr. Wrestlemania" out of Michaels. HBK promised he'd get his best at Mania. We faded out as they talked tactics.

SWEET! They're taping Smackdown & ECW in Manchester, England only four days after my birthday in November! Come hell or high water, I'm going!

We came back from break to the RAW Rebound which covered the weigh-in from RAW (By the way, why have a weigh-in three weeks before the match??? Why have a weigh-in for a match without weight limits, come to mention it???) and the near riot which stemmed form it. Also, how big was Big Show in reality, since he says he lost 100 pounds and yet is seemingly a legit 440lbs? We saw footage form another press conference where Mayweather mentioned he had his elbow hurt would be at Mania.

Big Show def. Shannon Moore & Jimmy Wang Yang in a "Yeah, if HBK can be assed to show up on frigging Smackdown, Mayweather should have to too!" handicap match
We saw this week's pieces of meat already in the ring before Big Show made his way out to the ring. Take a flying guess what happened? How well do you really think it went for Moore & Yang? Suffice to say Big Show finished off the match, giving a straight right hand to Moore's jaw. Then, just to rub it in, he press slammed Jimmy Yang to the outside.

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2.5/10 - Well, that was highly entertaining simply because Yang & Moore at bumping machines!
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John Morrison def. The Miz in a "I'm not happy. There had better not be any sort future angle going on here..." match
THE HORROR! A mere 8 days after telling them I thought they were one of the most entertaining teams I had seen in a whole (indeed, probably since MNM), here they are...fighting each other... As it goes, this was billed as being the final qualifying match, so it looks like they are going with 7 people. At this point, I wouldn't put Matt Hardy in the 8th spot and leave his return to the week after Mania. Indeed, Cole reeled off the names in the match, and Jeff Hardy’s name was conspicuous by it's absence. And next week, to my worry, on Smackdown, they will be defending the titles against Jesse & Festus... Oh dear God...Cole and Coach are now talking about how they are on the same page.

They shook hands, but Morrison grabbed Miz with a quick roll up for a one count. Morrison scored another one count. Miz came off the second rope with a clothesline for a very quick 2 count. Morrison rolled out for a powder. They locked up, but it went nowhere, but Miz scored a takeover, grabbing the headlock, but Morrison slammed out of it. He grabbed another headlock though. This time, Morrison broke it with a backbreaker. Morrison put on a Single Leg Boston Crab. Miz managed to grab the bottom rope, forcing the break. Morrison pulled Miz back into the ring, before working Miz's back.

They started slugging it out. Morrison telegraphed a Miz move and got a Jacknife roll up for a 2 count. Morrison was sent into the corner, where Miz hit his clothesline for a 2 count. Miz went for the Reality Check, but Morrison rolled out. Miz gave chase, and they ended up back in the ring, where Miz reversed Morrison move and hit a cool faceplant for another 2 count. Morrison scored with a kick to the back of the head before hitting the corkscrew neckbreaker for the win!

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10/10 - MATCH OF THE YEAR! Well...maybe not, but it was very decent stuff. They worked well together, I think, and at least one of MA BOYZ~! is going to Mania. All I can do now is hope and pray that they don't now break up any time soon...
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They showed the final line-up. And yep, there was seven of them. As I said though, I wouldn't expect them to put Matt hardy in there. I think they should have, and will have, his return and feud with MVP to stand on it's own and not get lost in the melee of a multi-person ladder match.

I wouldn't worry about Cole, Finlay. I'm sure his kids are used to being beaten by now...Their dad's Michael Cole, for crying out loud!
We came back from break to see Cole & Coach introduce a video which recapped Finlay going fantastically berserk on Ken Kennedy on Monday's fun 3-hour RAW. And I like the idea of it being a Belfast Brawl, because I want this to be a bloodbath.

Anyway, back to the Friday-goodness, we cut backstage to see Finlay standing by for comments. Cole asked him about how he's feeling. Finlay said that if it had happened to Cole's kid, how would Cole describe it? He couldn't explain the feeling he had seeing it happen to his son for something Horny didn't do. He said Hornswaggle wouldn't be the same, but then again, after Wrestlemania, neither would JBL.

MVP def. Batista in a "Matt Hardy seems to have changed...oh wait...It's not him..." No Holds Barred match to retain the US Title
MVP made his way out first and we saw pictures of MVP qualifying for Money In The Bank at a house show. And boy, he really is going out those sideburns deliberately... We then took a break before Batista came out to the ring. We came back as Batista came out to the ring. Naturally. I mean, who else would it be? Doink? TL Hopper? Me?

They squared up as the bell rang, before MVP picked a leg and tripped Batista up. Batista tried grabbing the arm, but got back on his feet and they ended up in the ropes. Batista went for a clothesline, but Porter did the ol' duck & roll. MVP rolled back in, grabbing the headlock. Batista rolled out of it, but a corner charge was missed. Batista kicked Porter in the gut and worked him over in the corner, before hitting a snapmare and kick to the head for a quick 2 count.

Batista had a whip reversed into a drop toehold. MVP's kick to the head was ducked though, with Batista scoring a clubbing arm to the back of the head. MVP telegraphed Batista and then scored an overhead throw. This time, Porter scored with a boot to Batista's head. However, he dived off the apron straight into Deacon Dave's waiting arms. He was run into the guard-rail before being rolled back in the ring. MVP fired back with a punch. It was revealed MVP had used his necklace as an enhancer to the punch. MVP then used the chain to choke Batista, but Batista snapmared out of it. He then hit a clothesline. Porter was whipped into the corner, where Batista hit another clothesline. However a whip across and charge was met with another drop toe hold into the turnbuckle. MVP took off the middle turnbuckle pad to ram Batista's head into it, but Batista blocked those attempts. He fought back before hitting a powerslam for a 2 count.

MVP poked the eyes and ran off the ropes into a spinebuster. Batista went for the Batista Bomb, but MVP rolled to the outside. Batista followed him out, but MVP used a chair in his mid-section. MVP swung for Batista's head but missed, hitting the ring post. Batista took advantage to work over MVP between the side of the ring and the announce table. He punched away on MVP by the announcers, before trying to post MVP. However, Porter reversed it. MVP tried to ram Batista's head off the announce desk, but it was blocked and MVP found himself rammed into it a few times. Batista caught his breath, but MVP caught Batista with a swift kick to the nuts. MVP spotted his pray and kicked Batista in the head, sending him into the crowd as we took another break.

We came back to see Batista was still alive, but they were still on the outside. MVP grabbed another chair and went for a shot, but Batista fired in a spear. Batista rolled MVP back in the ring for a close 2 count. MVP blocked a corner charge, but ran into a Batista big boot. MVP rolled outside, before going fishing of weaponry. He grabbed a chair and hit Batista in the leg with it as Batista was getting out the ring. Batista was then sent into the steel steps. He set the chair up on the floor, but then thought better of it and decided to remove the padding on the floor. He went for a DDT, but Batista backdropped out of it. Batista grabbed the chair and smacked MVP in the back with it. Again, Batista rolled Porter back in only for Montel to kick out at 2. Shoulders to the gut in the corner. However, MVP countered one and sent Batista’s head into the exposed turnbuckle. MVP rolled out and grabbed another chair. He jabbed Batista in the back with it before climbing up. Batista blocked the shot, but Umaga appeared. Batista slammed MVP off the top, but turned round into a Samoan Spike. MVP crawled over and make the pin for the three count!

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8.5/10 - This was, by some measure, their best match yet. Very entertaining and I liked the finish, even if it was a run-in. MVP was booked strong during the match, even if he didn't finish Batista off himself. Batista was protected by having a run in do for him and Umaga was put over by having his spike be what put Batista down, and more importantly, it was just ONE spike that did it. That puts Umaga over as a legit threat to Batista, a booking point that needed to happen after Monday.
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Umaga stood over the fallen body, before celebrating like a good Samoan savage should.

After the break, we saw another video regarding the Floyd Mayweather/Big Show match. We saw Mayweather training and what-not, as well as a clip from his Cribs-esque thinking, including his clothes, shoes and million in cash.

Chuck Palumbo & The Great Khali def. Kane & Jamie Noble in a "Really, this is 2 and a half people versus one and a half..." match
Kane made his way out to the ring first, before the break, where we then saw he was joined by his pint-sized partner, Jamie Noble, who was sporting bandages, to sell what Big Show did to him last week. Chuck then came out on his bike as Cole brought up that on WWE Mobile, we'd have seen Chuck attack Noble after the show last week. In a TNA-like move, those who weren't aware of it weren't treated to a clip of it. Cole then brought up the ECW Title shot Battle Royal, saying that these four would be in the match. Kane's my favourite to win it, actually...

Chuck & Kane started things off. Chuck laid in shots to Kane, leaving Big Red reeling, but Kane came back with a side slam. Noble demanded a tag, but Kane didn't give it to him. Kane booted Palumbo down, before tagging in Noble. He hit a crossbody on Chuck, but the ribs became too much for him, and Chuck gave him a short-arm clothesline, before tagging in Great Khali. Khali chopped Noble in the ribs. Noble fired in shots, but they didn't work. He tried kicking away, but again was knocked right back down. He side-swiped Khali, but ran into a sneaky knee to the back by Chuck. Khali put on the Vice Grip, but Kane broke it up. Chuck & Kane started fighting as Khali gave Noble a double-handed chokeslam for the easy three count, before Kane could get back in.

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5/10 - Short, but it was OK.
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After the break, we saw the latest video regarding this year's Hall Of Fame class, that being the Brisco Brothers. That would be the Briscos, not the Briscoes... Has to be said, that "Body Shop" commercial is f***ing hilarious...

Edge, The Rated Rmy & Chavo Guerrero def. Ric Flair & Shawn Michaels in a "And NO, this loss does not mean Flair has to retire...ya hear me???" Cage match
His last match on Smackdown? His last Cage match?? His last TV match??? I mean, there's only a few shows remaining... And then he was joined by Shawn Michaels who hasn't graced the screens of Smackdown in a long time. The Rated Rmy and their General followed. And who should follow them, indeed, as Cole and Coach wondered why Vicki Guerrero would allow HBK to join Flair in the match, the lady herself was wheeled out. She promised a handicap match. And she had an announcement and everything became clear. The Rated Rmy were going to be joined by Chavo Guerrero! Flair & HBK jumped the heels as Chavo came out, and HBK prevented Chavo from getting in the cage as we took a break.

We came back as Chavo was climbing the cage to get IN the match. He dropped down, only to be chopped. Flair tried getting out, but he was cut off by Edge. Flair chopped him while standing on the top rope, knocking Edge down, but Chavo grabbed the leg. Flair chopped away on him, before dishing out some more to Flair. Michaels worked over Hawkins & Ryder. However, Edge took down HBK switching with the Rmy. Edge & Chavo sent HBK into the cage before Edge hit Flair with a spear. Michaels was tied up in the ropes, allowing the heels some free shots. Edge speared HBK, before working over Flair in the corner.

Flair tried firing back with chops, but the heels retained control, even showing Flair HBK’s predicament. Flair was sent into the cage wall. Flair was busted open before being sent, battering ram-style by all four men, into the cage again. Michaels was doing what he could to lash out at the heels, but Edge made a cover on Flair in front of him. However he picked Flair up before three. The heels continued to pick apart Flair. Hawkins & Ryder raked Flair's face on the wall, but while Flair fired shots back, Edge regained control. Edge decided to spear Michaels again, but HK blocked and untied himself from the ropes. His momentum was short-lived, as Michaels was whipped hard into the corner, where he ended up in the Tree Of Woe. Chavo held HBK's head back allowing Edge to spear the upside-down Michaels.

Edge laid in shots to Flair before sending him into the cage. HBK kicked out at Chavo while upside down while Flair chopped everything in sight. Chavo came off the top rope but was met with a dropkick. Edge held Flair for the Rmy, but Flair whipped Edge into them, crotching the pair of them. Michaels hit the flying forearm on Edge, kipping up. Atomic drops to everyone. Edge was sent into the cage, as was Chavo and then Hawkins. Michaels went up top and hit the flying elbow on Ryder. Michaels tuned up the band. However, he saw Edge coming, so he sent Edge into Chavo. They then ran the Hawkins and Edge into each other before putting their Figure Fours on them. Chavo went up top and hit a Frog Splash on both Flair & HBK at the same time. Edge crawled towards the door, but the lights went out and the bell tolled. They came back on and Undertaker was in the ring right behind Edge. Taker went for a chokeslam, but the Rmy saved him from that. He gave them a chokeslam, but Edge went to make his escape by climbing up. Chavo tried taking on Taker, but took a tombstone, but this only allowed Edge to scamper over and win the match.

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7.5/10 - No real match to speak of, but even so, i thought it was really well booked. it wasn't until they got lucky that Flair & HBK got any sort of offence in, and even then, it only came in short bursts. My only real criticism of it is that it was a little TOO chaotic for my tastes.
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Edge grinned at his lucky escape, but then Taker's music played and lights came on, which dulled the Rated-R Superstar's grin somewhat as the show ended.

OVERALL - 7.5/10 (+ 1 on last week) - I really liked this show, with the 2 main matches very much delivering, along with Miz/Morrison impressing.