Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Anyone With A Birthday Today Got A Nice Gift...

Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Anyone With A Birthday Today Got A Nice Gift...

undefined undefined First of all, a tiny little bit of business, because it is a special day for one of us here on the site, so without too much of a further ado...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANA BULLOCH!!!

Yes, the fantastic woman who has been christened the "Girly Parts Jesus" by our readers for having the bravery to review Impact every week. That said, hopefully, with any money she got for her birthday, hopefully she can buy a new computer, so it won't break mid-show, leaving me to step in and take over live coverage. Still having friggin' nightmares...

Anyway, it's been a bit hard pinning down this week's "theme" for the musical interludes, because it's kinda of an amalgam of a few mildly similar ones. I suppose the best over-arching one is "Songs I like by artists I don't", because generally, I don't particularly rate or enjoy much of their music, but these tracks, in particular, I do like. But it should be a reflection that outside of guys with guitars or beats, I do listen to other stuff, and fancied a bit of a change this week. Except Gwen Stefani and Avril Latrine. Can't stand them bitches. Definite "Good song, crappy artists" picks right there. Funny how the only songs I like by either of them have an Alice In Wonderland-inspired video...

Anyway, on with the show!

LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN:The Great Khali did his best HBK impression, The Hart Dynasty couldn't smile properly, Kane wanted 8 men at once and well... Kerching!

THIS WEEK…
We kick off with a replay of the opening segment from last week. Chances are you've seen this. I know I have. About 19872318742747 times. If you have been under a rock, or possibly even under The Rock, Edge speared Chris Jericho, only for Jack Swagger to cash in his Money In The Bank privilege to win the World Title.

I love how quick the WWE production guys work. Not only is SWAAGAH~! all over the opening credits, but they even put in Shad booting JTG last week!

The promo before the match after...or something like that...
We start with The All-American American World-Champion Champion Jack Swagger, as The Legend That Is Todd Grisham pimps the main made last week in Edge vs. Jericho for the shot at Swagger. Swagger motioned for quiet (didn't happen), before saying he shocked the world and became the new World Champion. Edge & Jericho would face each other to see who would face him, but it didn't matter, because no matter who it was, he was the favourite to walk out of Extreme Rules with the title around his waist. He said he was a changed man for the better. Being champion suits him. For some titles came easy and were born champion, and Swaggie was one of them. Boo all you like, but there wasn't a WWE superstar who could stop his momentum. DIDN'T HE SEE RAW? Hell, never mind seeing it, he was IN the match where Randy Orton won... Since Shawn Michaels career was over, he should be recognised as the greatest natural competitor in the WWE. He deserved to be champion.

John Morrison came out and got quite the reaction. Morrison took umbrage with Swagger's belief he deserved to be champion. Jack got lucky one night. Hell, even Morrison saw RAW. Cut to Orton beating Swagger. Randall. The Smackdown summit awaits in the draft. Anyway, back to the here and taped on Tuesday, as Morrison said Jack looked like the same guy to him. Same stupid hair, nickname, speech impediment. Swagger denied having one. Swagger said Morrison was the one who hadn't changed and his only claim to fame was living in Miz's shadow. He was just a jealous wannabe rock star. Morrison said Jack may be right, but at least he didn't a speech impediment! Swagger charged, but was sidestepped and sent out of the ring heading into a break.

Jack Swagger def. John Morrison in a "Thuffthering Thuccotathh!" non-title match
We came back with the match in progress and Morrison in control, taking Swagger into the corner for mounted shots. Morrison ducked a clothesline and hit a dropkick for a 2 count. Swagger took JoMo into the corner and drove a shoulder in, before punching him down. Swagger dropped his head, but blocked a tilt-a-whirl and slammed Morrison down. Swagger pulled into a reverse waistlock, changing into a front facelock. Morrison got out, but ran into a knee to the gut. However, the ref backed Swagger up, reason being Swagger had been cut, with Grisham explaining that it was policy, at the sight of blood, to stop the match and clean the cut. I saw nothing though, so it was incredibly mild. I can only assume they found no good editing points, because I'd have cut it out if possible.

Anyway, Swagger went back on the attack, and took Morrison down again, driving a boot into the gut. Swagger hit a nice amateur overhead slam for a 2 count. In the corner, Swagger drove another shoulder in, at speed, which saw Morrison hanging out of the ring. Swagger locked in a bodyscissors. Morrison broke it fairly quickly, but was taken into the corner for some forearms to the kidneys. Swagger put Morrison up top, but was cut off and punched back down. However, Swagger popped up and hit a throw off the top, scoring a 2 count.

Morrison countered the Vader Bomb with his feet, putting both men down. When they got up, Morrison began to build momentum, hitting a jumping heel kick for a 2 count. Swagger reversed a whip, but Morrison avoided the charge and hit the Flying Chuck for a 2 count. Morrison looked for the Moonlight Drive, but was dumped on the top rope instead. Swagger looked to finish, but Morrison got out, but fell down, allowing Swagger to pick up a 2 count. Morrison got a sunset flip for 2, following with the knee to the head. this left Swagger in position for Starship Pain, but Jack moved early. Morrison caught this and looked to pescado out, but jumped to the apron. However, Swagger faked Morrison out and chop blocked the legs out from under Morrison. Swagger rolled Morrison back into the ring, before hitting the Gutwrench Powerbomb for the win.

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8/10 - I thought that this was a really fun match, actually. And it was certainly the win that was needed after Monday night, because whether or not they're sowing the seeds for Orton moving to Smackdown in the draft and feuding properly with Swagger, losing on Monday night was bad for Jack, this early into his reign, however long it will end up being.
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Now he's on Smackdown, I fully expect Swagger's finisher to have a "name" within the month. Striker won't stand for it any other way.

Gwen Stefani - "What You Waiting For?"

Grisham said that CM Punk would be converting Darren Young into the SES later on. Young could do with a heel turn. It's the only way anyone could possibly give a crap about him.

Back from break, Chris Jericho was venting to Wade Barrett about how bad week. He said Wade should be No. 1, and he would be, and Jericho would be back to be No. 1 too. However, Jack Swagger walked in, saying that he only cashed it in on Jericho because it was a sure thing. Jericho wanted his title back and grabbed for it, before saying that Teddy Long said they were going to allow the decision to stand. And hey Jackie, you could walk around with the spiky blond hair, suit and expensive look, you ain't no Jericho. Understand? Swagger said that the belt made him World Champion.

Well, anyone who had "We never hear of Shad or JTG again" in the pool lost their money...
Shad Gaspard came out to the ring and got on the mic. He introduced the clip of himself beating up JTG last week. He asked if the crowd liked it, because that was all him. Some of y'all could relate. He wanted proper respect, but there was always someone in their way. Someone who always got the promotion when you worked just as hard. But they needed to be a lot more like him. Stand up and break out and take what you deserve. And don't let people like JTG stand in your way. He said it wasn't Cryme Tyme, but "My Time", or indeed, as I posited last week, "My Tyme".

JTG running out, looking for revenge, but Shad slipped out the ring, and booted JTG as he left the ring after him.

THE SCOTTISH INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION~! Drew McIntyre def. Matt Hardy in a "At least there is a match this week..." non-title match
Back from break, Drew came out as we saw Drew beating up Hardy before the match began last week. He got a mic before Hardy entered, to say he wasn't going to waste his breath, before handing the mic back. Kinda was there, then. Drew teased attacking Matt again as he came out, but the ref brought him back. At the bell, Hardy went after McIntyre. After punches in the corner, Matt took drew down for some more blows. However, Drew kicked out the knee from under Hardy as the ref pulled Matt back. Drew took control, but Matt blocked a whip and scored a middle rope clothesline for a 2 count. Hardy stretched McIntyre out in the ropes before hitting a neckbreaker for another near fall. Hardy caught a kick and sent Drew out, although Matt fell out as well as the hit the ads.

McIntyre was working holds on Matt as we came back. We saw that Hardy was sent into the guardrail during the break. Hardy broke out with a jawbreaker, and Hardy started swinging. Drew avoided a shot and hit hardy with a back suplex so positioned so Hardy's head hit the top turnbuckle. Drew picked up a 2 count off of that. McIntyre hit a big short clothesline, before stomping on his face and picking up 2. Drew went back to the chinlock, but the ref pulled Drew off to check on Matt, as Matt was selling taking a beating. McIntyre stalked around and punched Hardy right back down again. However, Hardy hit a Side Effect out of nowhere for 2. He hit another one before heading up and hitting the second rope leg drop for a close 2 count.

Hardy called for the finish, but Drew reversed, but the Futureshock was turned into a backdrop. Hardy's corner charge was blocked, but he hit a clothesline before booting McIntyre out of the ring. He hit the elbow to the head off the apron. However, in the melee, Drew had pulled up the ring apron to reveal the decking of the ring underneath, before pulling Matt into it. McIntyre hit the Futureshock on the floor before rolling Hardy back in the ring, picking up the three count.

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7/10 - Pretty decent, although with two "wins" under Drew's belt, and certainly two beatings, I don't see how they continue any sort of feud. But if the intention is to use Hardy to just rebuild Drew a little after the wackiness in making it to Wrestlemania, then it works.
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Drew held up his title with the boot on Hardy's face.

After seeing brief clips of the people CM Punk has s(h)aved, we saw Darren Young doing his best John Cena impression as we headed to the break.

David Gray - "This Year's Love"

DAMN IT!
We came back as the Straight Edge Society and Darren Young came out. We saw some Pro-Punk signs in the crowd, but hey, they were in Chicago, so it was to be expected. That said, he did get a LOUD "You Suck!" chant. Serena took the mic to say the crowd lived a pathetic meaningless life of excess. If they would allow themselves to find Straight Edge for the grace of the angel, CM Punk. All of them, just like her, could take their meaningless lives and make them better. She handed the mic back to Punk before he whispered something into Gallows's ear. He took the mic and said the moment of cleansing was worth the lifetime of pain. When he realised that sXe was his destiny, he was saved. Punk finally took the mic and said there was a time when Luke & Serena were as weak and powerless as everyone in the crowd. He would say they belonged with them, but then he came along and he saved them. They were no longer anchored betwixt the muck and mire. They stood side by side in the Straight Edge Society. There was a time he would gaze into his friends eyes and see nothing but loneliness and despair. Just like he does now with Darren Young. Punk said he knew Young's life was falling to pieces. He knew he came into NXT with hope, but he was now dead last and on the verge of getting booted. But hey, you won your match on NXT and while he wasn't there physically, he was there in spirit. So he was getting a choice.

Punk said Young's hair represented his path to this point. It represented his weakness, and he would take Young's weakness from him, but all he had to do was give up the hair. And no more drinking. Or smoking. Or late-night partying. But it also meant being a loser no more. Punk said his hair represented all that was righteous. But Young's hair had been mired and "filthed up". So was Darren ready? If so, just raise your hand towards the stars. Punk asked him if he was ready, but he suddenly got hesitant and lowered his hand.

Young stood up and said he had changed his mind. Punk got in his face, but Punk downed Punk. However, Gallows grabbed Young, and allowed Punk and then Serena to get some shots in. Punk grabbed the clippers to shave Young, but Rey Mysterio ran out to make the save. Rey & Punk spied the clippers. Rey got a hold of them and went to shave Punk, but Punk escaped just in time. Rey took the mic and said that Punk offered to sacrifice his hair if Rey beat him at Extreme Rules. You know that match? It's on. And indeed, he would beat Punk again. But not just that, he was gonna shave Punk and end the Straight Edge Society.

Bond - "Explosive"

The Hart Dynasty def. THE DUDEBUSTERS~! in a "See, Cryme Tyme split, so there's space for a comedy jobber team now!" match
The Dudebusters of Trent Baretta & Caylen Croft came out. Striker that he was more impressed with them every week. this being their second match on Smackdown. They took the mic and introduced themselves to The Hart Dynasty, calling themselves The Dudebusters! Trent said it wasn't just a cool name, it was a lifestyle. Caylen said that they weren't from a famous family, but they had skills! Hell, Trent beat Call Of Duty 4 in ONE DAY! I really don't want to talk PS3 right now. The pain... As it goes, WAY back in the first episodes of FCW TV, they had Trent say that he beat Super Mario in something like 15 minutes. I forget exactly, but it was a crazy time. Anyway, Trent said that on his driveway, Croft hit 12 3-point baskets in a row. But they weren't just there to talk about how great they were. Because they weren't like that. Just tell everyone and TiVO them. The Dynasty came out as their opponents. We saw a clip of the new Hart Family DVD.

Croft and Kidd started off. Kidd took Caylen down and got a side headlock, but Croft got out. Kidd hit a suplex, sending Croft onto the apron. Croft looked for a sunset flip, but Kidd rolled through and looked, possibly, for the sharpshooter, but Croft kicked him off and Trent opened the ropes to make Tyson crash out. Baretta got a shot in, before Croft picked up a 2 count. Baretta came in off the tag with a slingshot elbow to the back for 2. European headlock by @trenylocks. Kidd tried to get out, but was hit with a back suplex. Baretta mugged for a few seconds before picking up 2. Trent hit some knees in the corner, but his charge saw him elevated into the top turnbuckle, Snake Eyes-style.

THE REAL CANADIAN BULLDOG~!, DH Smith, tagged in and went to work on Baretta, hitting a BIG shoulder tackle. They called for the Hart Attack 2.0. Croft distracted them, with Kidd hitting a springboard dropkick to get rid of him. A Smith charge was avoided, but Baretta's Tornado DDT was blocked, and David Hart Smith put on the Sharpshooter for the win.

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7/10 - I thought this was a really fun, athletic match, that did a good amount for The Dudebusters, as much as it ultimately got the Dynasty over, especially with the slightly odd visual of the larger DH Smith using the Sharpshooter. Helps get over the idea he's not just a power guy, if that's the intention, of course.
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Dizzee Rascal (Feat. Calvin Harris) - "Dance Wiv Me"

Zzzzzz...
We cut backstage to Josh Matthews, who brought in Dolph Ziggler. As it goes, I hadn't noticed, but they've let Josh grow his hair back out again! This is good, because he annoyed me bald. And yet, it only just clicked that he had hair again. Anyway, Josh reminded Mr. Ziggles that he put Khali to sleep last week, asking how it felt. Ziggler said it felt like this, before surprising Josh with a sleep of his own. Could Josh be in for a THIRD career match???

We came back from break as they talked about Dolph's sleeper on Josh before sending it to RAW from Monday, principally the fact that David Otunga was hosting the show, and that he was in the main event, with the predictable screwjob. Didn't say it was bad. Said it was predictable. Gotta say, they are trying to get Otunga over big time.

This led to the confirmation of the Last Man Standing match and the match with Rey & Punk. That said, no word on Rey joining the SES if he loses. the graphic only mentioned Punk's hair being on the line. They also had a graphic for the World Title match, with both Edge & Jericho in it, under the pretence of it being one of them, but hey, you're about to read different.

We cut backstage to see Swagger approach Edge. He said he was pulling for Edge. You know, maybe he could do what he didn't at Mania. And hey, if it is the two of them at Extreme Rules, he himself had the chance to do to Edge what Jericho didn't, and put him back on IR. Edge said that was cute, but a few years ago and won his first title, he was a lot like Swagger. Wanna know how that worked out? He lost the title 3 weeks later. So tonight, he was beating Jericho and then in 3 weeks, he'd beat Swagger with the Spear. Sorry, Jack. You might understand this better. The Thpear! Edge walked off as Swagger said he didn't have a speech impediment.

Avril Latrine - "Alice"

Edge & Chris Jericho wrestled to a Double Countout in a "So...Triple Threat then..." No.1 Contenders match
Jericho came out first, with his ribs still heavily taped, but without Wade Barrett. Edge came out and Grisham said that in the building, 4 years ago, Edge was successful at Mania and won the title, so he might get the title match tonight. They locked up, with Jericho grabbing the side headlock. Edge pushed off, but was knocked down. Jericho ducked a clothesline, but was sent out over the top to the floor. We came back as Jericho telegraphed a backdrop. However, he was dropped into 619 position. However, Edge not being Rey Mysterio, he instead splashed Jericho's back and taped ribs. Edge whipped Jericho hard into the corner before stretching Jericho around the ring post.

Back in the ring, Edge booted Jericho in the ribs, but Jericho pulled Edge out the ring, and hit the double-jump dropkick, knocking Edge off the apron. We saw Swagger watching on the monitor as Jericho guillotined Edge into the bottom rope, following with a back suplex for a 2 count. Jericho stomped on Edge's head a couple of times before choking in the ropes. Jericho tried to pin with the feet on the ropes, but it was very blatantly in front of the referee. In the corner, Jericho put a couple of shots in, before the ref backed him up. Edge then blocked a shot, and hitting some of his own. However, he was clotheslined down again for 2. Jericho snapmared Edge over and locked in a chinlock, but Edge got up and elbowed up, only to be elbowed down himself. On the apron, Edge looked for a slingshot sunset flip, but Jericho sat down on it. At 2, Edge rolled over for his own 2 count, but Jericho kicked out and hit a boot to the face. He then hit a baseball slide sending Edge out of the ring.

We came back as Jericho was trash talking Edge. Literally actually, as he was yelling "trash". Jericho kicked Edge out of the ring before taking a rest on the top turnbuckle. As Edge crawled back in, Jericho stayed in control, taking Edge into the corner. He hit some mounted shots before locking on a chin & arm lock. Edge made it back to his feet pretty sharpish and fought out. Edge whipped Jericho into the corner, but Jericho blocked the charge. However, the double axe handle in the corner was countered with a shot to the gut. Edge hit the flapjack and sit-out facebuster for a 2 count. Jericho scored with the bulldog. Jericho looked for the Lionsault, and managed to anticipate Edge getting the knees up to counter as he landed on his feet and looked for the Walls Of Jericho. He locked it on as Edge tried to reach for the ropes. He managed to crawl close enough to make them.

As Jericho remonstrated with the official, he ran into a big boot by Edge for a 2 count. The Edgecution was blocked, and Jericho again looked for the Walls, but Edge turned it into a cradle for 2. Jericho hit the Codebreaker, but Edge rolled out of the ring. Jericho tried to roll Edge back in the ring, and did so, picking up a 2 count. Jericho paint-brushed the back of Edge's head, but Edge popped up and hit the Edgecution. Edge saw Jericho roll into the corner, and set for the Spear. Jericho countered by leapfrogging over him and he ducked out the ring, but Edge went right after him, with the brawl spilling into the crowd, as the referee's count made it to ten!

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8.5/10 - Really good match here, despite the non-finish, which I can assume is because they decided they wanted a 3-way at the PPV. But yeah, you can barely even get mediocre with these two. Only goodness.
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The brawl continued in the crowd on the floor. Jericho tried to escape, and things finally made it back to ringside, where Jericho whipped Edge into the steel steps. Jericho rolled Edgeward back in the ring, but instead of a punched he considered hitting, he grabbed a chair. However, as he took a swing, Edge hit a Spear!

OVERALL - This was a REALLY fun show this week, filled with good matches, and a fun central segment with the SES and, amazingly enough, Darren Young. It also did a lot with Swagger, with him getting a good win, and interacting with main eventers, even if, with Morrison & Edge, they went to him having a lisp, which is rather hack material. But overall, just a fun watch.

Aaron is now off to cry. And then, possibly tomorrow, or Monday, phone the insurance company. His PS3 died yesterday. YLOD after 2 and a bit years. But hey, if he was a XBox guy, he'd have had four or five in the same period. But yeah, he had to find the bloody insurance certificate to make sure it was still insured. As it goes, he renewed it in November...

You can find him either on Facebook, MySpace(myspace.com/aaron24wood), or on Twitter(twitter.com/aaron24wood). And don't forget to check out the ClubWWI Twitter feed while you're there. Or if you're into gaming, Aaron's Playstation Network screen name is, you guessed it, aaron24wood as well!