Smackdown
Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Taker vs. Batista...And No, It's Not A Repeat Episode...
By Aaron Wood
Apr 18, 2008 - 7:16 PM

LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: There was water everywhere, Edge saw red...nails, a goat and a chicken got involved and Jimmy Korderas couldn't pull off a "Robinson” and it all happened! I can't make s**t up like this...

THIS WEEK…
And once again, WWE headed across the pond, with this set of tapings coming from the LDN (That's "London" in dumbf**k "txt" speak), in the O2 Arena, which was formerly the white elephant that was called the Millennium Dome.

So...he really is being balanced...he's being a dick to everyone!
And it's RAW' Chris Jericho who "cold opens" this week's show. And the IC Champion isn't just here for poops and giggles...He's hosting a fully fledged Highlight Reel! Complete and replete with the INSANELY EXPENSIVE~! JeriTron 6000 (with HD). He reaffirmed that he was now the referee for the match between HBK and his guest tonight...Batista. As a note, it's nice to see them bring pretty much the full set with them, and not just the crappy bare bones trussing and Tron.

Batista made his way out, as Cole & Coach pimped the main event of Batista vs. Undertaker. Jericho also knows he has a big night tonight with his upcoming match, so he wanted to wish him luck and explain what happened on RAW. Jericho had a think and realised that Batista's beef was that HBK was a phoney, enjoyed retiring Flair and whatnot. Hell...Let's take a look at the replay on the INSANELY EXPENSIVE~! JeriTron 6000 (with HD). And the response was a Superkick. Although I was piss myself cackling with glee if it turned out HBK was behind the Flair retirement stip. Hell, I'd cackle if ANYONE but Vince came up with it, because it'd make for a great heel turn to be the genius who got fed up with Flair taking up a spot in the roster and suggested it to Vince. Anyway, Jericho reasoned this confirmed that everything Dave said about HBK was right.

Batista laughed, saying he doesn't remember asking Jericho to speak on his behalf. If Big Dave has a problem he goes to them. Batista said he was fine dealing with Shawn himself, but now he had to put up with Jericho too. Where does he fit in the equation? Jericho said he didn't ask to be the ref, but since we're here, let's do a little analysis on Batista. He was upset with HBK because...He wanted to retire Ric Flair himself. Batista said he had heard the theory, but Jericho jumped in saying that Batista wanted HBK to lose so he could then beat Flair and get "The Torch" (not the website...who'd want that? I mean the proverbial one...), but when it comes down to it, Flair PICKED Michaels, not Batista.

Jericho said he saw the emotion between Flair & HBK on the night, but Batista wouldn't even take his shades off! Was he "too cool for school"? And Dave didn't have to say anything everyone knew Y2J was right. Jericho took a poll on the subject, and it looks like the theory flies with the cockneys. Batista ended up hearing enough, giving Jericho a Batista Bomb.

Another good segment, and while Jericho adds another layer to the TV storytelling, I don't know where he fits in if this HBK/Batista feud is going past a single match, and by Christ, HBK/Batista must have multiple matches!

We saw Westminster Abbey to help pimp the return of The King Of The Ring on Smackdown as Matt hardy made his way out.

MVP def. Tommy Dreamer in an "If only this were Colin Delaney..." match
And Matthew was out to guest announce the next match, as Cole confirmed that Matt would face MVP at Backlash. Hey, didn't MVP challenge Matt to a match this week??? Cole welcomed Hardy, officially, back to Smackdown as Tommy Dreamer made his SMACKDOWN DEBUT! And he was already in the ring. He was screwed.

MVP taunted Tommy to start with, but Tommy got his own bit of trash talk in. He then threw some fists and a hiptoss and armdrag, working the arm, forcing MVP to grab the bottom rope. MVP managed to snap the back of Tommy's neck off the top rope for a 1 count. Neckbreaker by MVP for another 1 count. Dreamer's was catapulted into the bottom rope. MVP took Dreamer over with a headlock as Hardy and Cole talked about how Matt hadn't held a singles title (!!!). Dreamer got out of it, but MVP hit a running kick to the neck for another 1 count. MVP hit some mounted punches for a 1. MVP put on a rather inverted Full Nelson, but Tommy got back to his feet quick and fought out of it, but MVP hit a facebuster and BALLIN~! elbow for a 2 count.

Porter climbed up to the second rope, but came off to a punch in the gut and then a blocked corner charge. Dreamer built momentum, before hitting a bulldog. Tommy then hit a neckbreaker for a 2 count. Tommy avoided the Playmaker, and hit his DDT. MVP grabbed the bottom rope at 2. Dreamer went for the Dreamer Driver, but MVP avoided it and sent Tommy into the corner post, shoulder first. MVP hit the running corner boot and for what I think is the first time, it scored MVP the three count!

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6/10 - Decent little match.
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In the back Finlay got his son ready for his match, with Hornswaggle kicking himself in the head by accident...whoops...

The WWE is returning in November and I'm gonna try my damnedest to get good tickets for both sets of tapings when they go on sale next Saturday!

Hornswaggle def. Matt Striker in a "Where's a big fat guy when you need one?" match
Back from break, Matt Striker was in the ring, as he said he was embarrassed by the Irish last week, and this week, it's not one on one. It's one on "point 5". WTF? Striker's a frigging genius! The babyface's music kicked in to interrupt. And for some reason, it was Coach who was backed Horny up while Cole said he was a joke. Rather than wrestling, Hornswaggle reached in his pockets and juggled them! Horny then threw them at Striker. Finlay tripped Striker and Horny stuck his ass in the teacher's face. Finlay then gave Hornswaggle a series of water guns, the little guy using them to spray Striker. As Hornswaggle celebrated, Striker kicked Finlay down, but when he dived off the side of the ring, he got crotched on the ring apron. Finlay then launched Hornswaggle into Striker.

Back in the ring however. Striker was able to get his hands on Hornswaggle. He mounted him and teased punches, before deciding to stomp on him. Striker picked up the shillelagh, but Mickey Henson prevented him from using it. That allowed Finlay to hit Striker with another one and Hornswaggle hit the Tadpole Splash for the win!

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5/10 - I gotta say...I loved this. I cackled my ass off.
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Backstage, we found Eve and Big Show. She sent it to a replay of Khali's "peace offering/LSD trip" last week. Big Show said he wasn't interested in making peace with Khali. People have been trying to figure Show out Mayweather needed brass knucks. Khali tried offering a goat and a chicken, but he'd sort him out at Backlash. But tonight, he'd be facing Mark Henry. World's Strongest Man...World's Biggest Athlete. We'd have to see how that one would go...

Chavo Guerrero def. Jamie Noble in a "Woah...I'm having Velocity flashbacks!" match
We came back from break to see Chavo come out with Bam Neely as we saw a replay of Neely's debut. Apparently, he was a former Border Patrol agent. How ironic he's now working for a Latino, huh? Jamie Noble then came out to a pretty big pop. Bigger than you'd think anyway...

They locked up and went around the ring, before Chavo grabbed the waistlock. They exchanged quick holds before Chavo grabbed a headlock, taking Noble over. Noble got out of it and took Chavo down, but Chavo bridged out. Noble kept hold of the arm, but it ended up in the ropes. Noble grabbed a Chavo kick and schoolboyed Chavo for 2. Another cover got a 2 count. Guerrero avoided a backslide, before Gory Bombing Noble into the top rope. Guerrero put on a neck and arm lock. Noble got back to his feet, but ran into a knee to the gut for a 2 count. Back to the headlock. But not for long, as Chavo elected to drop elbows on Noble's neck. Headlock again, but again Noble got back to his feet, back suplexing Chavo out of the match.

Noble elbowed Chavo down, before hitting a Northern Lights Suplex for a 2 count. Knees to the head of Chavo, but Chavo avoided a running kick. Chavo went for the Three Amigos. Noble blocked the third and hit a swinging neckbreaker. He made the cover for a 2 count. Noble went for some sort of submission, but Chavo fought out of it. Noble picked Guerrero up, but Chavo slipped out, dropped Noble onto the top rope and hit the Frog Splash for the three count.

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6.5/10 - Nice match here. I always enjoyed their work on Velocity. That said, I think Chavo should be taking on bigger guys than him right now, with Neely helping Chavo out, since that seems to be where they're going with the Kane match.
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Bam Neely got in the ring and hit a Half-Nelson Slam on Noble.

Big Show & Mark Henry walked. One of these days, I hope they just walk into each other.

We saw a GREAT advert for King Of The Ring, focusing on various English kings. Brilliant. We came back to see the throne set up, guarded by Beefeaters. You know...the guys who guard the Tower Of London. Not just guys eating part of a cow.

Big Show def. Mark Henry (by DQ, I suppose) in a "What's with giving away finishers on big guys???" match
Mark Henry came out first and eyed the throne before hitting the ring. Coach immediately installed him as the favourite for Monday night. Big Show was next and he got a decent pop on his way in. They locked up, but it went NOWHERE. Literally. They just stood there and not a single foot moved. Another lock up came to nought. Henry called for a test of strength, but he suckered Big Show in, before they exchanged headbutts. Big Show clotheslined Henry down before laying in punches. Big shop in the corner (with obligatory "Skillet" reference), but Henry then ducked Big Show and put him in a bearhug, picking him up off the ground on occasion!

And Henry was able to keep the bloody thing on! However, Big Show put a couple of punches in, forcing Henry to drive Big Show into the corner. However, Henry ran in and ran into a Big Boot. Khali made his way out as Big Show gave Henry a really cool chokeslam. Big Show saw Khali coming and left the ring. They began to fight, with Khali sending Show into the steel steps. Show was rolled in the ring, with Khali giving Big Show the Khali Bomb! And it didn't entirely suck! Khali stood over the very fallen show as Cole & Coach looked on in disbelief.

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5.5/10 - Not at all bad, but short. They just about seemed to be thinking about doing stuff when the end came. That said, I think just like they've now had "Biggest Athlete/Best Fighter" and now "Biggest Athlete/Next Biggest", there could be money in "Biggest Athlete/World's Strongest Man".
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We came back form break as Big Show apparently took an age to leave the ring, selling the Khali Bomb. THE COLE & THE COACH~! talk about the big man's match before touching upon the other main matches the Backlash card. And the theme song still sucks.

Cole then sent it to a recap of the Undertaker/Batista feud from last year. You know, they could make a DVD of this, and I'd bloody buy it. Then again, that could just be the greatness of this recap...

Cherry def. Victoria in an "A Streak begins..." match
We came back fro break to see Cherry coming out with Michelle McCool, and this would be Cherry's first singles match. And Victoria was accompanied by Natalya Neidhart. Cherry looked scared to death. I love her so much more now...

Victoria offered the first shot, but shoved Cherry down instead. Victoria grabbed a headlock takedown. Victoria taunted Cherry about Deuce & Domino, before snapmaring her down. Stomps by Victoria were followed by a slap to the face. Cherry started to cry, but got a kick on Victoria, although Victoria grabbed another kick and clotheslined her down. Cherry was whipped into the corner, but Cherry floated over and schoolboyed her for a 2 count.

Victoria put Cherry in a camel clutch, and I wish Cherry was wearing a top that allowed us to look down her cleavage... Michelle rallied the crowd, and Victoria decided to give it up. Cherry took a punt to the ribs. Cherry was taken over, before Victoria drove Cherry into the corner, with some shoulders to the gut to follow up. Victoria rolled her over and took time to gloat. Scoop Slam to Cherry. As Victoria and Neidhart decided to take a break for a chit-chat, Cherry looked to Michelle for help as the heels laughed. Michelle got on the apron and Cherry rolled up Victoria up for the three count!

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5/10 - I was worried about how Cherry would work when she began to wrestle as she hasn't been presented as a worker (even though she actually is, at least to some extent, as Kara Slice). I don't think I should have though. This was pretty much perfect as she played a total rookie, on the same level as Colin Delaney, who went in there and took a beating and scored a lucky win. Victoria in no way looks bad either, because she totally dominated Cherry and had to be distracted to get pinned.

Also, it's now totally official. The order now reads...
Molly Holly
Cherry
Traci Brooks
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Vladimir Kozlov def. Leroy Kincaid in a "The US...London...the routine's the same..." match
Back from break, we found that Vladimir Kozlov was STILL music, video and lightless. Guess what happened? There was a bit more mat-wrestling to start this match, but when Kincaid looked like he might begin a comeback, he went to the strength game. He also used his head as a battering ram before finishing the guy off with a Reverse DDT. I'm making THE call now. Kozlov does NOT suck. But he does need to change that finisher.

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2/10 - And it'll probably stay this way until he faces someone half-way decent.
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We saw a recap of the post-Mania activities of Undertaker & Edge. Undertaker being made to work his ass off while Edge paints his nails and bangs Vicki. Funny stuff.

We came back to see Edge & The Rated-R Entourage with front row tickets. Dude, your fiancé runs the show!

Batista & The Undertaker wrestled to a Double Count Out in an "And here was me thinking that the last time was the last time..." match
Batista came out first, to more of a pop than I think is real, since he was booed big on Monday and wasn't entirely loved earlier. Undertaker came out next as Edgeward looked on stoically. They locked up with Taker taking Batista into the corner, laying in fists. Taker was whipped across the ring, but he came out the corner with a boot for a 2 count. Taker missed and elbow drop and Batista took Taker into the corner with shoulders to the gut. Back elbow by Batista scored a quick 2. Running kick to the seated Champion scored another nearfall. Taker came off the ropes with a big DDT and he scored a 2 count himself. Taker worked Batista's arm, wringing it before sending it into the corner. Taker laid in some shots form there. Taker choked in the corner for a 4 count. Taker wrung Batista's arm again, looking for Old School, but Batista saw it coming, blocking it and hitting a clothesline for a 2 count. Taker was whipped off the ropes and they clotheslined each other as we took a break.

We came back to see the pair slugging it out. Taker scored a boot, taking Batista off his feet. Taker worked over the hurt arm of Deacon Dave, using the ropes. Taker hit an uppercut to the shoulder, before working the joint over in the corner. Taker went up for Old School again, but Batista crotched undertaker and went up to the middle rope too. Taker knocked Batista down, but he got right back up to the middle rope and hit a superplex. Batista crawled over and made a cover for a 2 count, with Undertaker going right back to work on the arm, as he kicked out the pin. Taker hit some headbutts to Batista's shoulder and it was "third time's the charm" for Old School with the Phenom hitting it this time. Taker sent Batista to the outside, before setting Batista for the leg drop on the apron. Back in the ring, Taker made a cover for a deuce. Taker looked for a tombstone, but Batista avoided it and hit a spear. He made a cover and it scored a 2 count.

They began trading punches with "Yay/Boo" action form the crowd, who were on the side of Undertaker. Batista clotheslined Undertaker out the ring, with Taker then pulling Batista out. Taker rammed Batista's head into the steel steps. A kid yelled for him to do it again as they began exchanging blows. Jimmy Korderas counted and reached 10!

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7/10 - Fine enough match, if a little more "average" than their matches generally are.
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The pair continued fighting, as it spilled onto the announce table (and Coach got right out of the way...) Taker continued to work over Batista, but Dave came back as they reached Edge. As they did that, Taker grabbed Edge and pulled him over the rail and rolled him in the ring. Batista stopped Undertaker going any further before dealing with the Rated Rmy. Edge found himself between a rock and a hard place. The Rated Rmy tried to save, but couldn't. Chavo & Bam Neely ran in and took a beating while Edge got away.

Vicki was wheeled out, bitching about the danger Taker & Batista put the company in. Edge & The Rmy were just watching the match! They had the right to file suit against the pair of them. But then again, it wouldn't be necessary as they'd get justice watching them beat each other up next week! Oh, and next week, it'd be for the Title! And the champion, whoever it would be, would be facing Edge at Backlash three days later!

Taker & Batista stared at each other as the show ended.

OVERALL - 7/10 (+ 0.5 on last week) - A very watchable show this week. I don't think anything was insanely stand out, but it was perfectly decent stuff. Backlash was pushed pretty well, with Vicki still screwing with undertaker, and Jericho acting like a dick to Batista as well as HBK, so while a heel turn seems even more inevitable, at least it's not obvious he's turning on anyone in this match. And you know something? I have hope for the Big Show vs. Khali match! Won't be a MOTYC or anything, but I don't think it'll suck either now...