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Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Taker vs. Batista For The Title...No Really, These Are Not Repeats!
By Aaron Wood
 ...
LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Chris Jericho pissed off the other guy he's gonna be in charge of, Tommy Dreamer made his debut...and lost, Hornswaggle pumped as hard as he could to get liquid coming out his nozzle and Big met Strong only to be Interrupted by Indian...
THIS WEEK… The show actually, for once in what feels like a long time, gets a recap to open things up as we replay the doings between Edge & Undertaker since Wrestlemania, with the idea being Undertaker being put through the mill while Edge gets his nails painted. And Edge's side of the deal is still hilarious while Undertaker's side is still better than expected. Why Punk? Why do you keep doing it to yourself? We started off tonight with the ever-expanding La Familia, who are already in the ring, en masse, Edge asks if we could smell and/or feel it? The poop? No...the excitement! Because there's nothing like a big-time World Title match! And who to thank? Why, that would be Victoria Guerrero! She gets the mic and announces off the bat that the title match tonight would be a No DQ affair. The Spanish for family applaud this as Edgeward calls her a genius. Now Taker & Dave could do what they wanted to get the win. How exciting! But it didn't matter because on Sunday there would be a new champion. Bam Neely Him. And let us not forget the ECW Title, when Chavo wins the belt back too! Did someone just say THREE MINUTES? ECW? Cue CM Punk, then... Mr. Money In the Bank came out to the stage as Edge commiserated him for losing at King Of The Ring to Regal. Didn't that make him Queen Of The Ring? Chavo thought more "Court Jester" Edge seemed to like this line, but Chavo sucked the life out of it... Punk told them to call him "Money In The Bank". Hey, it was at least a better way of getting to the top than...say...sleeping with the boss? What...Edge slept with Vince? Oh...he means Vicki. Edge asked what Punk was up to. Punk said he had a title match any time he wanted. Could be tonight. Could be Backlash. But Edge didn't know, and it bugged him, didn't it? Edge told him to think hard before facing him. The Punker said he wasn't thinking about Edge. He was thinking about Batista, since he could beat Edge. He was thinking about Undertaker. He could beat Edge too. Well, hell, he himself could beat Edge. Edge suggested they get on with fisticuffs. Punk liked the sound of spending his Friday slapping Edge and his chin around, so Vicki made it official. Edge said he wouldn't have to worry about cashing in MITB, since he'd be bankrupt. Please tell me that after Edge blows the title shot on Sunday, they aren't going to feud these two with Edge winning MITB? Shannon Moore def. Mike The Miz in a "That's just not right..." match And the Tag Team Champions came out (ya heard me...), we saw a replay of John Morrison losing on ECW. We came back to see the Shaman Of Sexy at the announce booth as Shannon Moore, for the first time in an age, come out for a singles match. And to his own music...not Jimmy Yang Wang's (Hey...if Mike Adamle can get away with it...), although the former Akio was present as well. Mix grabbed a headlock takedown, and then knocked him down with a shoulder block. On commentary, Morrison pinned his loss on him concentrating on the fact it was Earth Day and he was planting trees all day. Classic. Shannon floated over a corner charge, and gave Miz an armdrag. Miz put in some stomps in the ropes. Miz had his arm wrung and was hit with a couple more armdrags. Moore followed up with a headscissors for a 2 count as Morrison took a shot at Adamle, saying Coach was now not the worst out there. Moore was whipped across into the corner, but blocked the charge, He went to the second rope, but Miz pulled him off for a 2 count. Miz stomped away on Moore before putting on a camel clutch while promoting the greatest thing on WWE.com, The Dirt Sheet. Morrison praised Miz's haircut, but Moore grabbed a small package out a suplex attempt for a 2 count. Miz regained control, raining in shots. Side Russian leg sweep scored a 2 count for Mizanin. Cobra Clutch this time by Miz, but Moore backdropped out of it. Moore pulled himself up by the ropes, and then avoided a Miz charge, with a crotching on the second rope only slightly less poor than BG James's at Lockdown. Moore kicked the legs, but Miz hit a scoop slam for a 2 count. Miz went for the Reality Check, but Moore avoided it and got a backslide for the sudden three count! ---------- 6/10 - Decent enough stuff to push the issue between these two teams. Not exactly facing each other on Sunday though, are they? That said, when the match happens, it should be good. ---------- Natalya Neidhart def. Cherry "Well, that's Cherry's streak over..." match After the break, Cherry came out to the ring, as nervous as ever, with Michelle McCool. We saw the graphic for the 12 Diva tag match at the PPV. What's the Over/Under on how many get injured. Natalya (who seems to have dropped the Neidhart surname, although Cole mentioned how she was Anvil's daughter, even if he did just about call him a Hall of Famer...) came out next, with some pretty kickass music, it has to be said. Neidhart got the takedown right away and a nice snap suplex before dropping an elbow. Natalya put on a sleeper, but Cherry managed to get Neidhart back in the ropes. Scoop slams by Natalya for a long 1 count. Cherry had her head rammed into the corner, before some slaps to the face. Cherry finally shoved back and then slapped Natalya off the feet twice. She wailed away in the corner, but Neidhart caught a kick and began to work the leg. Natalya put on an STF-like move, but Cherry didn't submit. She did it again, but again decided to let it go. In the corner, she used the rope to wrench the leg. Neidhart missed a charge however and Cherry got a schoolboy for a 2 count. Cherry then scored a bulldog for another deuce (pun entirely intended). However, in the corner, Cherry went for a monkey flip, but Neidhart pushed her off, dragged her to the middle and put on the Sharpshooter. Cherry then had no choice but to tap out. ---------- 5/10 - I suppose this was technically a squash, but hell, it told a story and Natalya looked great. It ain't gonna be long until she's a title contender on RAW. Cherry sold well and was more than believable in her role, in my opinion. ---------- We saw a hype video for the Big Show/Great Khali match (with Runjin Singh soundbite...oh how I miss him...Not in a homosexual way though...). Pretty good video actually. Well, MVP had to get some heat...right? After the break, Michael Cole was in the ring, as he introduced Matt Hardy. The sane Hardy Boy made his way out to face the crowd of North Carolina. Cole welcomed Matt back (three and a bit weeks after he came back...). Cole sent it to a replay of MVP's attack that put Matt "out" with a knee injury before Matt's appendix decided to really go to pot and actually put him out. Cole brought up Backlash and that he'd be getting what he waited months for. But how is the knee? Hardy said he was 100%. His knee felt great and he was better now then ever. He'd been waiting 10 months. MVP ducked him all that time because he was the biggest threat MVP has ever had. MVP put Hardy out because he knew he couldn't be such a threat, but he's back and now MVP would realise how much of a threat he is. MVP made his way out, hitting the ring and grabbing the mic form Cole, bumping him form another interview. MVP said Matt was distorting the facts. He tried to be his partner! MVP took credit for Hardy's 8th tag title reign, but Hardy said that was because MVP was trying to avoid him. MVP said he was genuine with Matt. MVP said he didn't screw Hardy. Matt Screwed Bret Matt. Porter tried to take more credit for Hardy's career, but Matt said it was MVP who put him on the shelf for five months. Montel said he had achieved more in a year and a half than Matt did in nine, and Matt was jealous. Matt said what MVP saw in his eyes was confidence and Matt saw something in MVP's eyes. Uncertainty, and it was with good reason, because at Backlash, Matt would finally prove he was better than him. MVP took his belt off, and held it up. Then he kicked him in the gut and smacked him upside the head with the US Title belt. This was the promo I was waiting for. Don't know if it was as good as I had hoped for though... We saw CM Punk walking the halls as random people drank coffee in the background. Edge def. CM Punk in a "No...The MITB case wasn't on the line...yet" match After the break, and some video about WWE getting kids to read (hold your jokes please...) Edge made his way out to the ring, followed by Punk. They locked up , and Punk took Edge into the corner. The ref called for the break while Edge cowered. They got into a shoving match that Punk won big time. Edge wrung the arm, but Punk countered and grabbed Edge's arm. Edge took Punk to the mat , but Punk reversed, grabbing a nice Full Nelson variant, pulling Edge cover for a 1 count. Knees to Edge's ribs, while keeping on the hammerlock, as for the first time I can remember, a WWE announcer explained what Straight Edge is. Cole then told Coach people were waiting for Coach's expert analysis! Punk continued to tie up Edge's arm, although Edge managed to back Punk into the corner. After the break, Punk was whipped off the rope meeting a knee to the gut. Edge continued to knee Punk until he pulled himself up in the corner. Edge put a few shots in. Punk countered a whip with a schoolboy for a 2 count, before going back to the wrist and arm of Edge, giving it some kicks for good measure and a long count of 1. Arm lock by Punk was countered into a scoop slam by Edge, although Punk held onto the hold. Punk kicked Edge down, before going up, but Edge got up and cut him off. Edge climbed up too. They exchanged blows, with both men falling (Edge to the mat, Punk to the floor) as we took a break. We came back to see Edge cover CM Punk for a 1 count. The Rated R Challenger put Punk in a bodyscissors as we saw what happened during the break, and it wasn't good for Punk. Edge ended up scoring a couple of 1 counts from Punk's pain. Punk fought the hold and catapulted Edge into the corner, but missed the high knee, with Edge hitting an Electric Chair for another long 1 count. The pair then hit the same wavelength and they hit each other with a crossbody. Standing 10 count. Both guys slugged it out as they got back to their feet, although when they did, Punk started with the stiff kicked, hitting a jumping heel kick for a 2 count. Punk came out the corner with a crossbody, but Edge rolled through with a 2 count. Punk hit an enziguri and went for the GTS, but Edge rolled through for a 2 count. Punk sent Edge into the corner in the kick out, allowing him to hit the high knee and bulldog for a 2 count. Edge caught a kick and hit the Edge-O-Matic for a 2 count. Edge missed a spear, and Punk hit the springboard clothesline for a 2 count. Punk readied for the GTS, but it was countered into the Edgecution for a long 2 count. Edge readied for the spear, but Punk countered and hit the GTS! However, Edge fell out the ring! Punk got out the ring to get Edge back in. As he did that, Zach Ryder ran down, but stopped short of hitting Punk when CM saw him. Punk rolled back in the ring, but he was met by a spear from Edge for the three count! ---------- 8/10 - Loved it. Better than their last effort. And hell, just look to the crowd. They were quiet to start with, but they were engrossed at the end. And after Punk's rather indifferent week on RAW, in-ring wise, this was a definite "make good". ---------- We saw a replay of how King In the Ring went on Monday night. I have to say, I pretty much liked everything about it. AND...I LOVED THE OBAMA/CLINTON MATCH! (although to be fair, that was more because of "Bill"...) Vladimir Kozlov def. Marty Garner in a "I'm sure MVP looked on this with fondness..." match Vladimir Kozlov made his way out, once again, to NOTHING. Meanwhile, his opponent was a jobber, but a man who has wrestled on WWE PPV. That man was Marty Garner, MVP's first in-ring opponent (and of course, MVP had his first match at No Mercy in 2006...) And once again, our pretend Sambo-Champion from Russia killed the poor man. ---------- 2/10 - I can't say I'm not liking him... ---------- THE COLE & THE COACH~! then hit a line about Evolution and The undertaker, showing a video of the Gogoplata usage in recent months. We came back from break as our duo at the table ran over the Backlash card. And I'm sorry Kid Rock, but you're song is so not right for this. We saw a tale of the tape for Big Show/Khali, and someone surely left their finger on the "E" key too long when it came to Big Show's shoe size... We cut backstage to Batista & Vicki Guerrero. He started off by thanking her for the match, and then thanking her for making it a No DQ match. But he knew what she was up to. She wanted Dave and Taker to kill each other for Edge to get it easy on Sunday. Batista promised to win tonight and then beat the living hell out of Edge. He was really rather heelish here. I liked it. We saw a recap of the Clinton vs. Obama match. Great stuff. And that's coming from someone who didn't like the Rosie vs. Donald skit, so I'm not exactly a sucker for these sorts of things. The Undertaker def. Batista in a "And in Scott Steiner's role tonight... Edge HBK?!?!?!" match Batista came out first as Cole brought up his arranged match with Shawn Michaels, seeming to suggest that if Batista won here, he would only be wrestling Edge on Sunday. Undertaker then made his way out in his trademark fashion. I'm going to buy tickets for the next set of WWE tapings tomorrow. The last tapings I was at, Taker did a run in. That was great. But this November, especially since it's only a couple of days after my birthday, I sure as hell better get a Taker entrance and match. The pair locked up and Taker grabbed a headlock. Batista shoved off, but was shoulder blocked down. Another lock up saw Batista get the headlock and shoulder block. Batista went for a leg, but Taker avoided it. Taker grabbed an arm and wrung it. He looked for Old School, but Batista stopped him and broke the hold, putting punches in, in the corner. Whip across saw Batista clothesline Taker, but Taker was soon able to grab the arm again, wringing it. He dropped a leg on the arm for a couple of 1 counts. Taker punched the shoulder in the corner. However, Batista came out the corner after being whipped into it with a spear. However, Taker tried to get the Gogoplata on! Batista was able to escape and roll out the ring as we took another break. We came back as Undertaker was reversing an Irish whip, sending Batista into the steel steps. Taker then set up Batista for the usual apron-based shenanigans. Back in the ring, Undertaker covered for a 2 count. Old School was attempted, but Batista was able to crotch The Phenom on the top rope. Batista joined him up top, looking for the superplex, but undertaker shoved Batista off. Batista charged the corner, but met with a boot and Taker hit Old School. Nicely different way of getting there. However, Undertaker then walked into a big spinebuster for a 2 count. Batista set for the powerbomb, but Taker backdropped out of it. Taker went for a chokeslam, but Batista powered the hand off his throat. Batista ducked a swing and hit a powerslam that I thought was going to be a tombstone for a second. Batista went for a spear, but met with a boot. Taker hit the chokeslam, but Batista kicked out just before three. Taker called for the Tombstone. However, he turned into a spear form Batista, who scored a 2 count himself. Batista mounted Taker in the corner and is always the way, Undertaker grabbed Batista and hit the Last Ride. But that only scored 2 as well! The champ left the ring and got himself the bottom half of the steel steps. Undertaker went for the Tombstone, but Batista countered and hit a spinebuster on the steps! Really good spot! Batista picked Undertaker up and set for the Batista Bomb. However, out of nowhere, Shawn Michaels ran in and hit Sweet Chin Music!!! HBK told his PPV opponent to suck it before leaving through the crowd. Undertaker got up first and hit the Tombstone for the three count! ---------- 9/10 - For a free TV match that was just about damn-near perfect. Great match on it's own, but it helped add another layer to the great HBK/Batista feud as well as leaving the question mark over how much it took out of Undertaker as he prepares to face Edge. And you know what makes this match better than Angle vs. Joe, at least in concept if not execution (I haven't seen Impact yet), it's that Angle & Joe is the money match TNA has right now. Just about the only one at this point. You have Meltzer saying it could have tripled their buy rate for Lockdown over the previous PPV. You want to build to that rematch, and not just throw it out there. If you really want to put Angle in the Title match, just have him use his obligatory rematch clause at the PPV. Not on Free TV when your ratings are not just stagnant, but are currently dipping. However, Undertaker & Batista is played out right now in terms of money making. It'll take a turn to put any real interest back in a Batista/Taker program. Just brilliant stuff all around. ---------- OVERALL - 8.5/10 (+ 1.5 on last week) - Great show this week. Every match was a good 'un (and that includes the 2 "squashes") and we had Matt & MVP do very decently on the mic. And I don't think it could have done much more to push Backlash, as almost every segment had some relation to Backlash. As a note, due to work constraints, I won't be handling the real time for the show, as I'm calling in one of the (roughly) 10 million favours that Mike Rickard owes me, so he can sit through it. However, I am PROMISING you right now, I will be back TOMORROW with a brand new radio show. And I don't mean me just gabbing on about an issue for an hour or doing a Director's Commentary. I mean a NEW show. Well, it's kinda old, but f**k it, it's being presented as new. Sue me. Aaron Wood is fat bloke with a penchant for using a large lexicography. He also looked in his bank account today to find he had £1000 to his name. Tomorrow he won't have this much as he attempts to purchase tickets for WWE and Chris Rock. Not only that, but he's also getting the legend that is and also will become Grand Theft Auto 4 on Tuesday, although he had to cancel his pre-order in his local shop and buy it from their website because they wouldn't be able to hold his order before he finished work. When he's bored, and he gets bored easily, you can normally find him on the WWI Forums or playing "Wrestler" on Facebook with many of his WWI friends. Or he'll be playing one of his many PS3 games, which include Burnout Paradise, Unreal Tournament 3, Uncharted and the new Gran Turismo 5: Prologue. You can find him with the username "aaron24wood", if you want to so battle with him. And as he just mentioned, give him a couple of days to get used to it and then get your ass kicked in GTA4! Aaron's mood today was...excitable.
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