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Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: The WEEK OF WACKINESS~! Continues...
By Aaron Wood
 ...
LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Edge just couldn't stay away from a MITB winner, Marty Garner did for Vladimir Kozlov what he couldn't for HHH and HBK remembered what he'd meant to do the previous Monday...
THIS WEEK… We started off tonight with Teddy Long getting the Vladimir Kozlov treatment (1 light, no music) as he says that all three Titles would be defended on this weeks show. Hit those credits, bee-yatches! Cole started things off in the ring as he introduced Coach's replacement, Mick Foley! Well, I won't deny it's a massive improvement on Coach, but I like Coach, so I hope he re-appears soon. Foley tells Cole to remind himself he's not Coach. Judging by the smile on Cole's face, I think he will. THE BEST TAG TEAM EVER~!~!~! def. Shannon Moore & Jimmy Wang Yang in a "Phew..." match to retain the WWE Tag Titles John Morrison makes his, as usual, awesome entrance as Cole calls tonight "Championship Friday" saying it's been three years since all the titles had been defended on one show. He was followed, naturally, by Mike The Miz. And just to contradict Zah, Foley praised the pair, noting they had gelled amazingly well as a tag team, before the challengers made their way out. In a really nice touch, making things seem important, They got the MAIN EVENT INTRODUCTIONS~! Bet Jimmy & Shannon never had that before... Jimmy and Miz started things off, with Miz elbowing out of a waistlock, before pounding Yang with some shots. Yang came back with a clothesline and a jumping kick to the back of the head for a quick 1 count. Moore was tagged in with a tope onto Miz for another quick count. Moore hit a leg drop for a 1 count, but Miz fired in a couple of shots before tagging in John Morrison. Morrison hit an uppercut to send Moore into the corner. Moore was whipped across and blocked a charge hitting a crossbody out the corner for a 2 count. Yang was tagged in and he hit a running dropkick for another quick deuce. Yang put Morrison up top and after being pushed off, Yang hit a jumping kick. He went up, looking for the superplex, but Morrison blocked it. A sunset flip attempt was blocked but Morrison pulled the leg out from under Yang. Miz & Morrison hit a double gutbuster, before Miz put more knees into the gut. Miz whipped Yang into the corner front first for a 2 count. Miz put on an abdominal stretch while Yang was sat on the mat. Yang got back to his feet and out of it, but Miz drove Yang into the heel corner. Yang fought both of them, but Miz hit the corner clothesline for a 2 count. Morrison took a tag, with the champions hitting a great double team, that ended with a Morrison slingshot elbow drop onto Moore who was across Miz's knees for a 2 count on Yang. Morrison continued with knees to the cut and a chinlock. Yang rallied as Foley put Morrison over. Morrison whipped Yang off the ropes, grabbing a snap roll up for a 2 count. However, Morrison again dragged back to his corner and tagged Miz in, where he put the Abdominal Stretch back on. Yang jawbreakered out of it, Morrison tried, but eventually failed to prevent Yang from making the tag to Morrison. Moore hit a hurricanrana and then a spinning back kick for a 2 count. In the corner, Morrison reversed a whip with Morrison coming off the middle rope with a kick for a 2 count. Yang was sent out, with Miz going after him. Morrison went for a neckbreaker, but Moore got a backslide for a 2 count. Morrison then hit the "Moonlight Drive" (as Foley claimed it was called...it was the Corkscrew neckbreaker, in case you needed to know...) for the three count on Moore. ---------- 7.5/10 - Damn fine match, with the champions getting good heat and the faces coming back hot until the finish. ---------- We came back to see Trump Taj Mahal as we saw Armando Estrada in the ring to ring announce the next match... Vladimir Kozlov def. Colin Delaney in a "The match of NO MUSIC!" match The Extreme Commendante introduced the first man as someone who had heart, soul and ambition, but no wins. At (apparently) ONE HUNDRED AND SEVEN POUNDS, Colin Delaney! Colin came out to no music. Estrada then introduced Kozlov, who also had no music! Is Jim Johnston on holiday??? As you can probably guess, Mad Vlad killed the poor fellow. Kozlov picked Colin up and dumped him in the corner. A headbutt to the ribs followed. Kozlov then PUNTED Colin in the air and then caught him in one motion and hit a fallaway slam. The Reverse DDT followed and Delaney was done. ---------- 2/10 - I'm beginning to love this guy. If we can have a Kofi bandwagon, we need a Vladimir one. ---------- We saw NUNZIO~! tying up his boots as Mark Henry walked in to remind the poor goomba that he was facing Henry tonight. Sorry about your damn luck. Sorry...wrong show. That was the old one... Victoria & Natalya Neidhart def. Michelle McCool & Cherry in a "Damn right that Michelle's the jobber of the team..." match After the break, Vicky & Nattie made their way out first as we saw a pre-tape of the heels picking on Cherry before Michelle came in to defend her friend. Natalya's swipe was better than McCool's rebuttal. As Michelle posed in the corner, when they came out, Cherry got up the courage to wave, although she then crapped herself when she saw her opponents. Neidhart and McCool started things off, as Foley quoted Spingsteen. Apparently. They did the old leapfrog spot before having a stare-off as Foley said the Anvil showed up to PTA meetings shirtless. Did not need to know that. Victoria was tagged in and Michelle pulled her off the ropes and got a Jacknife cover for a 2 count. Armdrag by Michelle was nicely done although the follow up monkey flip was horrible. Cherry took a tag and hit a crossbody for a 2 count. Cherry the hit something akin to the Stratusfaction, except ending with a sunset flip for another 2 count. However, after hitting Neidhart off the apron, Nattie kicked Cherry in the back up, allowing Victoria to get the advantage. Natalya was tagged in , and she put on a chinlock. Cherry jawbreakered out, but Neidhart stayed on top of things. In the heel corner, Cherry fought back against the heels, but Natalya grabbed an ankle. However, Cherry was about to reach and make the tag. Michelle hit a couple of dropkicks before clotheslining Nattie in the corner. Michelle hit a swinging neckbreaker for a 2 count. McCool took of Neidhart's jacket, and went up top, but Victoria pushed Michelle off and Natalya rolled McCool up, with tights, for the win. ---------- 6/10 - Fine enough stuff, with Cherry coming along nicely in the wrestling stakes, as well as the story-telling side of it, while giving Natalya the win. ---------- THE COLE & THE COACH THE MICKLES sent it to a replay of the end of the Backlash match (which I haven't seen any of) as they pondered Edge's well-being. And it's Undertaker vs. Khali tonight...Joy... Mark Henry def. Nunzio in a "The original WWE Italian returns! And jobs..." match We came back to see Mark Henry come out, looking entirely pleased with himself for some reason. Cole reasoned that he successfully psyched out Nunzio earlier. Yeah, because that was difficult... Nunzio came out and stopped atop of the stage. Everyone wondered why until Big Show's music hit! At this point, Henry stopped smiling pretty darn quickly. Nunzio threw a kick or two at Henry while backing off. However, punches to the gut didn't work and then Henry got a kick and powered Nunzio down. Headbutt by Henry was followed by a kick to the gut. He stared at Big Show before throwing Nunzio into the corner. Henry hit the World's Strongest Slam right away for the win. ---------- 2/10 - Yeah, whatever. I suppose it starts a Big Show/Henry feud... ---------- Big Show shook his head and got in the ring, just as Henry was about to do something with the Italian. Henry backed off and out the ring, chuffed with himself once more. Big Show got a microphone and told Henry that next time, he should pick on someone his own size. We saw MVP & Matt Hardy walking backstage. Matt Hardy def. MVP in a "Well, at least there was no post-match promo this time..." match to retain the US Title MVP came out first, without the US Title for the first time in 8/9 months. Seems rather naked without it... But he was all business. No pyro was shot. No "Ballin" moves in the ring. Hardy was next and once again, the ring introductions were done after both men made their way out! The ref took the title, but MVP grabbed it from him to look at it once more. MVP drove Matt into the corner, but the ref pulled him out for the break. Hardy got the headlock takedown. MVP got out of it, but hardy ducked a punch and got another one on MVP. MVP got out of that and when back on his feet, got a waistlock and took Hardy into the corner. However, Hardy came back and put in a couple of shots, before running off the ropes with a clothesline for a quick 0 count. No, really. That quick. Hardy got another headlock takedown, but MVP countered it with a takedown of his own and clothesline. MVP hit some mounted shots, before kicking Hardy in the back. Out of the corner, MVP got the snapmare, before putting on a chinlock. Matt jawbreakered out of it and hit a running bulldog for a 1 count. Clubs to the back of MVP was followed by a neckbreaker. Hardy didn't get a count of that either, when MVP put a foot on the rope. Matt got another headlock takedown, but MVP got out quick and kicked Matt's gut, getting a 1 count. Matt fought out of the corner as they ribbed Coach again. Matt worked MVP over using the ropes, and indeed choking him. Jacknife cover scored Hardy a 2 count. Matt set for the Twist Of Fate, but MVP drove Hardy into the corner. MVP put some shots in, but missed the kick in the corner, although he did score a clothesline. Hardy pulled himself up on the apron, but MVP rammed him off the edge of the ring into the barricade as we took an ad break. We came back with to see MVP in control with elbows to Hardy's head, before putting on a sleeper, suing Matt's own arms. However, Matt managed to power up and out of the hold. Hardy then scored with a Side Effect which scored a 2 count. Hardy worked over MVP in the corner, but MVP came back with kicks and a sucker punch. he rubbed the sole of his boot in Matt's face before dropping elbows on Matt’s head. MVP then put on an anaconda Vice-like hold, scoring a 2 count in the process. Hardy was placed in the corner, but Hardy hit a Tornado DDT. That scored a 2. hardy went back to the second rope, hitting a standing elbow to the back (rather than the neck) for a 2 count. MVP got Hardy in the corner and scored with the running boot, but Hardy grabbed the bottom rope to stop the count. MVP got out the ring and scored with a running boot while Matt lay on the rope. He scored a close 2 count with that. And then another. Arm and chinlock by MVP. However, Matt rolled on his back and hit a couple of punches, although MVP got his own, scoring a 2 count. MVP put the hold back on. And again, Hardy powered out and hit some shots to get out it, but MVP scored a clothesline for a 2 count. Hardy started swinging and then scored the Twist Of Fate from nowhere to retain the title! ---------- 7.5/10 - Damn fine TV match, better than the one a couple of week ago. I liked the finish as it came out of nowhere, but it did catch a lot of people by surprise, which I think hurt it a bit as well. ---------- Thank the lord...it's not over... After the break, Mickles was in the ring where he introduced his guest, Batista. Foley praises Batista's match with HBK at Backlash noting it came about because of Flair's retirement, but it then became something else, as we saw the important parts of that particular match. Some nice effects on the replay as well. More of that please! Foley asked for comments. Batista said he meant everything he said about HBK. He respects what he's achieved, but didn't like how he got there. Foley brought up Jericho's comments on RAW, which shoots things to a replay of Jericho's award giving on Monday. And so, does Dave believe Shawn was faking it at Backlash? Batista said it would make him sick to think that HBK would fake an injury, and for Shawn's sake, he hopes HBK's really hurt, because if he ain't...he will be. Simple, yet effective. Zach Ryder & Curt Hawkins def. Jesse & Festus in a "They're starting their push NOW???" match Jesse & Festus came out first as they pointed out this was Festus's return to Smackdown after being choked out by Undertaker. The Rated Rmy were next, as Foley distanced himself form his fellow Long islanders. Festus went right after the Rmy, with Hawkins trying to attack him from behind, but Festus stayed on top before he slammed Jesse onto Hawkins for a 2 count. Slam out the corner scored a quick nearfall, but Hawkins drove Jesse into his corner and tagged in Ryder. Ryder hit a couple of armdrags, and then a Thesz Press before scoring a 2 count. Hawkins distracted Jesse, allowing the heels to get the heat. Hawkins came in and scored a 2 count off some stomps. Festus wanted a tag, but Hawkins blocked it and tagged in Ryder. Neck Vice by Ryder on Jesse as Foley pointed out it was a different flannel shirt than the one he wore on ECW. Hawkins came in with a Russian Leg Sweep for the 2 count. Ryder came back in, and Jesse got a couple of shots in, but Ryder locked in a front facelock. Jesse managed to back suplex out of it and managed to make the tag to Festus. Festus went to work on both heels, beating on Hawkins in the ring, hitting the seated splash. Ryder broke up the pin and Hawkins hit a shot to the throat. Festus crumpled, and Jesse was compelled to tag himself in. However, Gordy's boy missed a crossbody out of the corner and Hawkins hit a swinging neckbreaker for the three count. ---------- 5/10 - OK enough, I suppose, but while the finish had some logic to it (and gives Jesse & Festus a chink in their armour which allows heel victories), why are they pushing Ryder & Hawkins now when the whole "Familia" storyline is at the beginning of the twist? Surely these two should have been getting wins when they first joined up with Edge, not now? ---------- Finlay def. Julio Dinero in a "I have nothing of humour to say..." match After our THIRD fly past of Atlantic City, we came back to see Finlay mid-entrance again old-ECW guy, Julio Dinero. Foley mentioned he knew him! Finlay scored a suplex before pounding Dinero in the corner as everyone noticed Hornswaggle was missing! Dinero hit an uppercut, but Finlay sent Julio out of the ring and then rammed him into the Edge of the ring. Dinero suddenly tripped an started to go under the ring. Finlay pulled Dinero back out, revealing Hornswaggle. Rolling Samoan Drop was followed by the Celtic Cross for the win. ---------- 2/10 - 'Twas what 'Twas... ---------- Afterwards, Hornswaggle hit the Tadpole Splash for poops and giggles, before Foley DEMANDED~! dancing! Cole sent it to the video on the Gogoplata, with Sunday's finish added. Vicki Guerrero...Stripper... Justin Roberts introduced the main event, with undertaker, suspiciously, coming out first... However, it would not be an Indian who came out next. That would be Vicki and Edge. Undertaker stared at the top of the ramp as Vicki said that tonight there was not going to be a World Title match. Why? Well, that would be because for the last several month, Taker has been injuring superstars and she could stands no more. Chokes were illegal! And Vicki couldn't let this unlawfulness continue. As GM of Smackdown it was her responsibility of the wrestler's well-being. And what she was about to say had nothing to do with her beloved Edge. From now on, the Gogoplata was banned. And if he ever used it again, there would be hell to pay, and since he's shown no remorse for his actions, and since he has been under pressure from the regulators she had to inform him that she was stripping Undertaker of the World Title. She pleaded "sorry", but advised him to walk up the ramp and surrender the title. Taker took a look at his belt and did sod all. Vicki said "Fine!". She'd send someone to get it. Yo, Indian dude! Get yo ass out here! Khali made his way down to the ring Taker held his belt as Khali got in the ring, before putting it down, goading Khali to take it. Khali, like a lemming, went over and went to pick up the belt. Khali hesitated picking it up, but when he did, Taker kicked him in the face and put on the Gogoplata to a huge pop! As he was doing this, The Rated Rmy ran in from behind and stole the title. Khali was tapping, but no-one was caring. Taker finally let it go, only to see Vicki holding his title belt. Edge wheeled her away and Taker stared as the show ended. OVERALL - 7.5/10 (- 1 on last week) - Well, in the WEEK OF WACKNIESS~!, you knew Smackdown was going to come up with something, and I knew it was going to be the most logical of the three. That said, I think Undertaker must be winning it right back. We keep hearing about this "long reign" that Undertaker's been set to have for over a year and unless he's somehow failed a wellness test, I don't see why they've cut off the legs from this reign now when he is obviously destined to win it back. But that said, I'm interested to see what they do end up doing. As for the rest of the show, it was good enough, with the 2 title matches standing out as the best, leading up to the big angle at the end. Aaron Wood is not a lair, cheat and a charlatan. He knows he promised audio last week, but he forgot that he needed to watch Impact (which airs on a Saturday in the UK) first, and then had a long lie on Sunday and couldn't get around to it. And to be honest, he won't be able to do one this week either. He forgot to record RAW. He might do an ordinary audio though, because by Christ, the WWE has had a wacky week... Not only that, but he had to visit the Doctor's today. His job has literally broken him. When he's bored, and he gets bored easily, you can normally find him on the WWI Forums or he'll be playing one of his many PS3 games, which include Burnout Paradise, Unreal Tournament 3, Uncharted, Gran Turismo 5: Prologue or, well hell, this is the ONLY game he will be playing for a LONG, LONG time...GRANDD THEFT AUTO 4!!!!! You can find him with the username "aaron24wood", if you want to battle with him. Aaron's mood today was...breezy.
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