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Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Undertaker vs. Vicki Guerrero...And Assorted Others...
By Aaron Wood
 ...
LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN:CM Punk continued to find out what it's like to be Rey Mysterio, John Morrison proved he's a god by carrying a lump to a great match, Edge's doctor was a literal miracle worker and Undertaker showed why he'd be a piss-poor jewel thief...
THIS WEEK… We started off with how we came about with the latest instalment of Edge vs. Undertaker on PPV, with the "Championship Chase" last week, with Edge's sudden return, giving everyone the shaft, including Batista, who had thought he'd won. Gotta love Vicki's smirk as she left. Damn that woman's a good heel. Shame she couldn't have shown it off while Eddie was with us. That would have been an awesome combo. It might have made the whole "Dominic" thing passable... What is it with the GM's wrestling this week? And it is "La Familia" who start us off, as Vicki, Edge, Chavo, Bam and the Rated R Entourage make their way to the ring. Conspicuous by his absence...Teddy Long. We'll get to that in a moment though. And I never thought I'd say this, but Foley needs to put the flannel shirt back ON! Tonight it was a leopard-print shirt! HORRIBLE! Even Don West would hate it Edge got himself the mic to say that we witnessed a medical miracle last week. When Smackdown began, he never thought he'd be able to take part. But thanks to various things, including Vicki's Green Tea, he was cleared just in the nick of time. And now, on Sunday (That soon? I better remember to order the show!) he would beat The Undertaker. Taker hasn't beaten him without using the chokehold. But on Sunday, he wouldn't be allowed to, so we were looking at the new World Champion. Remember what I said about Teddy Long? Well, he made his way out at this point. What did Thaddeus have to say? Well, first things first, Vicki chastised him for not being around and not returning her calls. And then he came to the show late and interrupted Edge! He assists her! He's first to get there and last to go home. And she wants words in her office. Well, that's as maybe, Babydoll, but Long was late and she couldn't get hold of him because he was summoned to Stamford, where he had a meeting with the Board Of Directors about Vicki stripping Undertaker. They had asked to meet with Vicki, but she apparently blew them off. Insert your own joke here. So instead, Long showed up. And he answered everything to the best of his ability, including questions about her relationship with Edge. Guerrero said everything she did was for the best of Smackdown, but Long said the board saw things differently. he handed her a note that he was told to read publicly. in response to her recent actions, specifically to strip Undertaker, the Board had decided to take disciplinary action. And what would this be? It would be a choice. Either she would compete in her first ever match tonight and stay as GM. Or if she didn't she wouldn't be GM anymore. La Familia looked shocked. If Vicki walked away, he knew someone who was capable of taking over. Vicki was all "Over my dead body, you SOB..." She told Long he was fired, but she couldn't do that! Why? Because he quit! He left, but not before mentioning who her opponent would be... Brooklyn Brawler Doink Colin Delaney THE UNDERTAKER! The heels looked even more shocked as we took a break... CM Punk def. Chuck Palumbo in a "What a feud that turned out to be..." match We came back as CM Punk made his way out, all happy and cheerful. Cole mentioned how THREE WEEKS AGO, Chuck Palumbo beat up Palumbo on ECW. And it was an extended replay. Why? Because that was IT. That's all they've done. Chuck came out as Cole said Chuck was currently building a bike for Chavo. What a douche... That's pure evilness right there... They locked up, with Chuck getting Punk in the corner, continuing the viciousness of their previous encounter. They played up Kane's bad knee going into Sunday as Chuck scored the headlock takeover, scoring a one count. Foley finally noted the "K.O. Palumbo" nickname as Punk hit some mounted punched in the corner, although he was knocked down by a back elbow from Chuck. Punk low-bridged Chuck, who was charging before taking a suicide dive onto the outside. Chuck and then Punk got back in the ring as Palumbo put on a chinlock as Foley talked about Chuck having no tattoos despite being a biker. Punk got up and out, but was bodyslammed. However, he rolled away from an elbow drop. Punk launched kicks to the leg. He got shoved in the corner, but avoided the charge and scored a schoolboy for a 2 count. High knee and bulldog out the corner scored a 2 count for Punk. Punk hit a spinning heel kick before hitting the springboard clothesline for another 2 count. More kicks from Punk, but one was caught with Chuck hitting a clothesline for a 2 count. Punk slipped out a suplex, but Chuck countered the GTS. Palumbo caught Punk's crossbody, hitting a SOS/Fallaway slam for a 2 count. Punk slipped out the Full Throttle, sending Chuck, shoulder first, into the corner. Punk then hit the GTS and judging by Zah's records, became 8-5-1. ---------- 6/10 - It's a shame that this pairing haven't developed a feud, with them going down the road of pairing up Punk & Kane, but I thought this was quite the little match. Hard hitting with a nice mix of power and speed. I'd like to see more, but I think we might not be. ---------- Cole & Foley teased that Punk could cash it in at the PPV, but after HHH vs. Orton. If you aren't aware, some are positing that Punk and Kane will lose on Sunday with Punk cashing in the case against a weakened Kane and win the ECW Title, turning heel in the process... Babyfaces bitching...what is this? TNA? Edge, Chavo & Vicki were talking when MVP barged in, wondering if last week was totally, or just partially, BS? Finlay came in and agreed with MVP, looking for some of the Green Tea to help him grow. Big Show came in and gave Vicki the clap, congratulating them for what they pulled last week, albeit sarcastically. Vicki snapped and told MVP to find a partner, making a tag team match. Chavo noted he was part of the Chase last week too, wondering if he was a pawn like everyone else. Given that he was tossed out there against Kane, I'd say yes... Vicki said they needed to make a plan. Together. You know, like family does... Michelle McCool def. Layla in a "Michelle busting out the MMA? She MUST be banging the Undertaker" match Michelle made her way to the ring, as for the first time in a long time, they said she was loving life, and Foley read her another BAD poem, that just so happened to be another Springsteen quote... It was oh-so funny the first time. I can't wait for the 100th... Layla came out and...well... Michelle armdragged Layla a couple of time before catapulting her into the corner, getting a 2 count off it. They traded blows, with Michelle getting the leg trip, putting on a leg hold with a bridge. Layla managed to grab a side headlock to break it up. Michelle hit a legbreaker. Michelle was kicked off, but she came back and rolled through, grabbing hold of the leg. Michelle put on what Foley called a heel hook, forcing Layla to tap out!!! ---------- 5/10 - What...The...F***??? Now, I'm not going to sit here and say this sucked, but it was certainly unexpected and different. Since when was Michelle busting out the Lucha and MMA? Hey, if it helps her become a decent worker, then more power to her, this was just rather out of left-field. ---------- We went back to Backlash as we saw the finish of the HBK/Batista match, noting we'd hear form Batista next. Well, he did say... It's funny...NONE of the spoilers mentioned this segment happening! How am I supposed to pre-prepare this thing (yes, there is thought put behind these reviews...) if I'm not given all the information I need?!?!?! Batista said he didn't think he'd have to come out and talk about HBK any more, but then he was watching RAW and he saw... Well, he saw HBK admit he wasn't hurt, with Jericho, oddly enough, not believing him, only to eat Sweet Chin Music. And yet he still got cheered for being a dick and a liar. Batista said he was glad HBK's knee was better... Oh wait, it wasn't hurt in the first place. He said he told Shawn that if he wasn't really hurt, the next time they crossed paths, he would be. And hey, there's a PPV on Sunday. Shawn will be there and Batista's doing nothing else (Holy crap...so he isn't...) so...let's just see... Big Show & Finlay def. MVP & Mark Henry in a "Well, didn't MVP suck at picking a partner?" match As we came back from break, Floyd Mayweather's personal bitch made his way to the ring, all smiles, before he was followed by Finlay & Hornswaggle. Big Show & 'Swaggle, exchanged a high/low five, before the little 'un dived under the ring. MVP made his way out before his partner came out, and that man was...Mark Henry! Cole speedily helped us remember about the "ish" between Big Show and Henry. Finlay and MVP started the match off, fighting for position, before Finlay got MVP in the corner. MVP fired a forearm, but Finlay got the leg trip and then a suplex for a quick 2 count. MVP threw punches before ramming his head in the corner. Throat thrust by Finlay and clothesline scored the Irishman a 2 count. MVP got Finlay into the ropes, but Finlay grabbed a leg, but when they got up, Big Show was tagged in. Montel sized up his challenge, but threw a punch and ran away, tagging in Henry. The behemoths circled each other before locking up, but the two bulls went nowhere. They locked up again, with Henry getting a side headlock, but Show punched out of it. Henry tried running through Big Show, but it barely moved the bald man. Big Show grabbed a side headlock. However, Mizark shoved out it only to be run through by Big Show. Henry had enough and tagged in MVP. MVP took a headbutt. Big Show then stood on MVP in the corner. Finlay was tagged in. short clothesline and curbstomp. Stomps on the chest by Finlay. Uppercut sent Porter into the corner, where he put in more shots. MVP reversed a whip across, but Finlay got the feet up before giving MVP a knee-lift. Finlay climbed up and when Henry distracted everyone, MVP kicked Finlay off the ropes and don to the floor. Finlay was rolled back in, and MVP scored a nearfall. MVP threw some shots in, scoring a 2 count off a pin. Chinlock by MVP as Big Show LOUDLY called for crowd support, stomping on the steps. Henry came in off the tag and he stood on Finlay, Foley got his first book plug in as Henry continued to maul Finlay before tagging MVP back in. MVP cut Finlay off from making the tag and went back to work, kicking him in the back for a 1 count. Finlay just avoided another kick, but was again cut off from the tag. Henry was tagged back in. He gave Finlay a headbutt, as Show continued to stomp them steps. MVP came in once more, as he put on a European headlock. snapmare over, but MVP missed the knee drop, and Finlay made the tag. Clotheslines to MVP, but Montel avoided the corner charge, with Henry squashing Big Show. Finlay low bridged Henry and MVP downed Finlay, but he ran into Big Show, who caught him in position for a chokeslam, hitting it for the three count. ---------- 6.5/10 - Fine match with Finlay & MVP carrying things with them nicely teasing a Big Show/Mark Henry encounter, which I'm suddenly rather looking forward to. But it's good that it's not on this Sunday, and they are holding off, because there aren't too many more "extreme" (as in the biggest/strongest/tallest) opponents out there. ---------- Henry talked trash from ringside, and chuckling as he left. Hey, you didn't expect it to stay one-on-one, did you? We went backstage as Edge & Vicki talked. He left and she made a statement to the camera. She said she was a woman in a man's world. She was pioneer and caretaker to the Guerrero legacy! Now, while she couldn't countermand the orders of the Board Of Directors, but she could modify them. So now, it would be Undertaker against her...Edge...Chavo...Bam Neely...Curt Hawkins AND Zach Ryder in a 6 on 1 match. Vladimir Kozlov def. Funaki in a "Well, it's the bottom of the rung, but at least it's a "name" this time..." match We came back to see Funaki in the ring already, before the lights went start and the screen turned off for Kozlov's epic entrance. Foley suggested that as Mambo champion, he could come out to Latin music. Cole was forced to correct the hack comic. Now, while Funaki is a step up from No-name jobbers, Mad Vlad still killed the man, principally destroying Funaki's arm, before just tossing Funaki about and hitting the Reverse DDT for the pin. ---------- 3/10 - I've said it before and I'll say it again. This dude will be money. I do hope, though, that Foley isn't going to be mistaking "Sambo" for all kinds of other words ending in "Bo" every week, since he busted out "Mambo" and "Limbo" this week... ---------- Foley, in a touch of kindness, sang some music to see Kozlov out the ring. Cherry def. Maryse in a "Two women's matches on one show? What is this? TNA? Oh wait...already used that joke..." match My favourite current Diva made her way to the ring on her own, as is the norm these days before Zah's favourite, Maryse came out. But she was not alone, as she came out with her new friends of Cherry's ex boyfriend, Deuce and her own brother, Domino. If you aren't aware, on WWE.com, Deuce & Domino officially dumped Cherry ion favour of Maryse, who acted her way through the skit badly. Sorry Zah, but she did. Maryse shoved Maryse to start, but Cherry came back and whipped off a neckbreaker for a quick 1 count. Cherry climbed up, but Domino interrupted his sister. Cherry scored a roll up for a 2 count, but Maryse took control of the match, choking Cherry in the ropes, before scoring a 2 count. European headlock by Maryse, before pulling Cherry down by the hair. Maryse high-fived her boys, before trash talking Cherry. However, Cherry fired back. Maryse scored a kick to the gut and whip into the corner, but Cherry blocked the charge and scored the bulldog for the three count! ---------- 5/10 - Decent enough little match, especially for one involving Maryse at her current skill level. Not horrible, but not that good either, right now. Cherry's still coming on herself, so we couldn't have expected miracles, but what we got was fine enough. ---------- Cherry skeedaddled as Deuce & Domino stormed the ring. Deuce stood on the apron stoically, as Cherry shook her head back at them. After the break, we came back to a lengthy video focusing on the HHH/Orton match at Judgment Day. THE COLE & THE MICKLES~! then ran down the PPV card. We then went TO THE BACK~! (Hey, I don't do Impact anymore, so I don't get the chance to use it ten times a show), where Kofi Kingston and Eve Torres left Matt Hardy (the latter of which Matt said he loved...) and Shelton Benjamin walked in. Shelton said that Kofi forgot to say that the Hardys were a thing of the past while Shelton was the Wave Of The Future... He's Kaz? Well, come to mention it, both are athletically gifted but, frankly, suck the meat missile on the mic. They could just be... Hardy said Benjamin forgot that Kofi hadn't lost to Shelton and Shelton had no gold, except for his hair, which SO didn't count... Benjamin threatened to go through Matthew when he had finished with Kingston. Matt Hardy def. Shelton Benjamin in a "Oh boy, the promos are going to suck for this one..." match And after the break, it was who Cole said aimed to be the most “fightingest” US Champion ever. No really. He did. Shelton came out next. They locked up with Benjamin getting Hardy into the corner before the break. Shelton smirked before they locked up again, this time with Benjamin grabbing a headlock before downing Matt with a shoulder charge for a 1 count. Shelton grabbed a leg, before getting the go-behind and riding hardy. Shelton grabbed a wrist lock, but Hardy got up quickly, whipping Shelton into the corner, hitting the clothesline/bulldog combo for a 2 count. The Side Effect was blocked and Shelton hit a faceplant suplex for a 2 count. Knee to the gut by Shelton. In the corner, Shelton hit more knees, but Hardy fought back, at least until he ran into another knee to the gut. Shelton's finisher was blocked, as was the Twist Of Fate. Benjamin hit a ribbreaker for a 2 count. Abdominal stretch on the mat by Benjamin. Matt powered back to his feet and hit a near Samoan Drop for a 2 count, although Benjamin reversed it into one of his own for a 2 count. Bodyscissors on the mat by Benjamin. Hardy rolled over and elbowed his way out. Benjamin put in the kicks to Hardy's gut, but he then ran into a Hardy clothesline. Hardy whipped Benjamin across, and while the bulldog was countered this time, The Side Effect connected for a 2 count. Dragon whip hit Hardy. However, a Shelton corner charge was blocked. Hardy came off the second rope into a dropkick. Shelton looked for a suplex, but Hardy hit the Twist Of Fate out of nowhere for the pin! ---------- /10 - if this is the next feud for Hardy, then the matches should be great, but the build's gonna bore the ass off everyone... ---------- Cole sent it to a recap of the beginning of the show. The interesting thing to note was that this video wasn't just a replay, but it was a recap video as if it was shown next week recapping this week. Pretty damn cool, helping build the upcoming match, rather than just a plain "here's a re-run of what happened earlier" bit. The Undertaker vs. Vicki Guerrero, Edge & The Rated Rmy in a "Since when did Chavo & Bam turn into the smartest guys in the building?" match We came back from break to see La Familia come out. Bam Neely and Chavo took up the rear. And there was a reason, as the pair stopped walking down on the stage. The Rated Rmy wondered what was going on. What was going on was that Chavo & Bam turned around and left. Cole surmised that Chavo was getting his own back for being used by Vicki last week. The four remaining heels wondered what to do as Undertaker made his way to the ring. The three men "protected" Vicki in the corner as Taker got in the squared circle. Cole noted that Undertaker was staring solely at Vicki. The Rmy were downed right away, but as he went for Vicki, they jumped Undertaker en masse. The three began to maul undertaker in the corner. Taker dumped Hawkins and Ryder in the corner, but again, when his attention turned back to Vicki, they jumped him again. The three picked their shots until Taker got back on his feet. He caught Edge ion position for a chokeslam, but The Rmy attacked form behind. While on his back, Taker tried to put on the Gogoplata on Edge, but The Rmy broke it up quick. Taker pulled The Rmy out and then sent Edge out, laving Taker with Vicki. The Rmy ran back in, only to take a chokeslam. Undertaker got hold of Vicki, to a HUGE pop. He lifted her for a chokeslam, but Edge ran in with a spear. The heels decided that discretion was the better part of valour and ran away, with Undertaker going his throat slit as the show ended. ---------- 4/10 - This was both a nothing match and an interesting match that told a good story. Nothing because there was no real spots, but it told a good story with Taker focused on Vicki, allowing the heels to take control when he concentrated on her. But it was certainly more of an angle than a match. ---------- OVERALL - 7/10 (- 0.5 on last week) - Decent show this week, with some decent match and good build for the PPV, the World Title match especially. They also did a fine job of setting up or hinting at future programs, such as Show & Henry, Hardy & Shelton, Cherry & Maryse and, as it goes, Michelle & Natalya, since they played up that Natalya had also busted out the submission holds, making reference to the sharpshooter. Nothing overly "must-see", but fine enough stuff if you have a couple of hours to kill. Now, once again, I won't be back on Sunday night to cover the PPV. As far as I'm aware, and as far as I hope, Mike Rickard will once again be repaying one of his many favours to me and standing in. Don't worry though Mike. Only this one and One Night Stand. By the time "Night Of Champions" comes around, I'll be only a week or so off finishing, so I'll probably just do that show anyway. Aaron Wood is one lucky son-of-a-bitch who has been able to work half-days every day this week, allowing him to do not much more but chill and scratch his not-inconsiderable nutsack. Not that he has an STD. He was just bored. He is also touch by the number of people who have said they miss him on the boards. He knows what happened the last time he promised new audio content, but if there's ever going to be a good day in the schedule, it's tomorrow... When he's bored, and he gets bored easily, you can normally find him on the WWI Forums or playing "Wrestler" on Facebook with many of his WWI friends. Or he'll be playing one of his many PS3 games, which include Burnout Paradise, Unreal Tournament 3, Uncharted, Gran Turismo 5: Prologue and GRAND THEFT AUTO IV~!~!~!~!. You can find him with the username "aaron24wood", if you want to so battle with him. Aaron's mood today was...lazyassical...
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