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Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Undertaker vs. Guerrero...Except A Different One From Last Week...
By Aaron Wood
Just as a note, many apologies for the lateness of this, but Sky TV< in their infinite wisdom, decided to indulge in a spot of retardary, when the EPG said that it would be starting at 11pm, when in fact it started at 10pm, like it does most weeks, and thus missed a good chunk of the show when it aired.
Also, I just wanted to be the first of the columnists, via the medium of the written word, to congratulate our leader, James Guttman, not one, but two accounts. First off all, last night (Friday), he welcomed his first child into the world. And earlier in the week, he announced his second book. Well, to be honest, I don't need to congratulate him on that front. I've known about it for ages, as I helped him out in a minor way, but I managed to keep it under my hat. Anyway, ON WITH THE SHOW! LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Michelle went Mexicano, The Board Of Directors got a bit confusing, Cherry escaped her brother and Vicki did nothing, and still ended up the second best worker on her team... THIS WEEK… So, that'll be Edge losing another TLC match, then... There'd be no dicking about with things such as recaps this week! We hit the credits, pyro and ballyhoo as Cole talked about Vicki’s decision to keep the title vacant at the PPV. Well, it wouldn't be long before an update as Vicki came out to the stage, wheeled out by Edge, now surely ruing Teddy Long's departure. After taking in the massive boos, she said no-one knew what it was like to run a TV show. And yet, despite the pressure, she fulfils her duties at GM. And one of them is to enforce rules. She said a championship can only be won by pinfall or submission, and on Sunday, Lil Naitch gave it to Taker by Countout. And thank the lord she was there to correct the mistake! Now, a week on Sunday, it'll be ONS and there'd be no mistakes. She said she had an announcement, and she was doing it without worrying about Undertaker. You see, at One Night Stand, every match was under "Extreme Rules". In a genius moment, she tried to stand up out of her chair, and failed, to many, many boos. Genius because we know she's perfectly able to get out and run about, and yet she sold it is as if her big moment was screwed. Anyway, she was making a match for the PPV, as she would be presenting the most Extreme World Championship match in history! HISTORY! So what was it? Barbed-Wire Ropes? No. Light bulbs on tables? No. Exploding Timebomb Deathmatch? No. No, it was none of them. It was, in fact, Tables, Ladders and Chairs. And the saddest thing of all, despite being in the room, Mick Foley didn't reel off an "Oh My!" afterwards... It would be, naturally, Edge vs. Undertaker. And just as she was leaving, she remembered her little add on. If Undertaker didn't win the match, he'd be BANISHED from the WWE! Now, this was a fine announcement, with brilliant gusto from Vicki. However, I do have 2 issues with it. First off, the whole thing is that Undertaker didn't win by pinfall or submission. So why did they book a match were there can't be a pinfall or submission finish? I mean, I get that a ladder match is slightly different, in so much as you can never win such a match by pin or submission, but still when you over-emphasising the point that there was no pin or submission, shouldn't the payoff be a pinfall or submission finish? And secondly, while anyone with a brain would know that Undertaker is winning this match anyway, why throw out the silly stipulation that if Undertaker loses, he's out of the WWE? That blows the result out of the water, because you know Taker isn't leaving, so by definition, he must be winning. Even if she had said, he'd never get another title shot, that would at least leave some doubt, since it can be so very easily by annulled. But this just makes it totally obvious. Should be good though. Just before the break, Cole pimped that there would be a VIP lounge with Teddy Long as the guest to give his side of the story. Deuce, Domino & Maryse def. Jesse, Festus & Cherry in a "Thank God I don't have siblings..." match We came back from break to see Jesse & Festus come out with their partner, Cherry, who looked wary of Festus in his retarded state. Cole & Foley finally got around to reference Steinbeck's "Of Mice And Men" (which is the inspiration for the Jesse & Festus team). They were followed by Deuce & Domino, who came out in the car with Maryse front, centre and with her breasts in the air. The bell rang and Festus went after everyone, including Domino, who started the match for his team. Jesse tagged in and made the cover for a 2 count. Deuce tagged in and Jesse hit a Thesz Press and a low dropkick for another cover. Foley brought up when D&D last WON a match on Smackdown, which Cole believed was when they LOST the tag titles to Hardy & MVP. And the thing is...Foley said he was right!!! Deuce came off the ropes with a clothesline for a nearfall. Domino tagged in, who put a chinlock on Jesse. Jesse got back to his feet, but Domino hit a sitout scoop slam for a 2 count. Nice move. Deuce tagged in and schoolboyed Jesse for another nearfall. Deuce drove Jesse into his corner before tagging in Domino. Big leg drop by Domino saw a 2 count. Cherry and Festus rallied support as Jesse fought out of a chinlock. Deuce tagged in again. Fist drop to Jesse for another nearfall. Deuce stretched the shoulder joint, but Jesse made his way back to his feet. While in this hold, Michael Cole point out that after complaining about there being no pins or submission on Sunday, Vicki made a match designed not to have any. IF COLE IS QUESTIONING YOUR LOGIC, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM! Jesse fought his way out of the heels corner and hit a swinging neckbreaker on Deuce. Jesse crawled towards his corner. He fought off Domino, who tagged in Maryse, while Jesse ELECTED (without realising Maryse was in the ring) to tag in Cherry, instead of Festus. Cherry got a pop for the tag. And, once again, Mick Foley read a "poem", quoting "Sherry Darling", which is again, Springsteen. Cherry reeled off something that looked like a stunner-cum-bulldog (I suspect it was a botched bulldog...). Deuce & Domino pulled Cherry off the cover. Jesse & Festus came in to clear their male opponents. Festus kicked Domino, who fell into his sister. Maryse took advantage hitting a knee to the head for the three count. Indeed, it was a vicious knee that saw a few replays. ---------- 6/10 - Fine enough stuff. Keeps the issue between Cherry, Maryse and The greasers going after Cherry's win last week. ---------- Backstage, Edge & Vicki were talking as Chavo came in. He said there was something of a misunderstanding last week. He didn't want there to be any hard feelings. Vicki said there weren't. Which is why Chavo would tonight be facing The Undertaker. Chavo freaked as Edge thought that Chavo was afraid. And just like Marty McFly, you don't say Chavito is a chicken. He's a Guerrero! But Edge jumped in saying that the whole Familia would be out there for Chavo. So...is he the new RAW GM or not? After the break, MVP came out, as Cole & Foley pimped an article in WWE magazine where MVP talked about the other interview segments in WWE history. Sound like a larf... MVP reeled off his usual spiel. He said his guest was former Smackdown GM, Teddy Long, who he was giving a chance to tell his side of the story. Teddy came out as Cole ran over the various GM's woes since last Friday. MVP welcomed Teddy. MVP decided to "call an audible". Long wasn't now going to get to tell his side of the story, as MVP had some stuff to get off his chest. And since Long wasn't anyone's boss anymore, he could say it. He called Long jealous of MVP and everything about him. And despite being held down by Teddy, he's overcome. Teddy said he was outta here, but MVP stopped him. That was Batista's cue to join the fray. MVP told him not to play hero, but Deacon Dave cut him off saying he just wanted to wish Teddy Long, a fair GM, even if he ended up giving away WWE's money in signing MVP. He then told MVP that if he touched Thaddeus again, he'd find his hands shoved down his throat. MVP mentioned Batista's match at the PPV, noting he had to watch out for that. He told Batista not to disrespect him. Batista said he wasn't being disrespectful, but what was, was trashing the VIP Lounge set. DEFINATELY disrespectful. MVP made a hasty escape as Batista's music ended the segment. After the break, we went backstage to Chavo & Edge plotting when MVP barged in. MVP was pissed that his VIP Lounge got trashed. He wanted Vicki to do something about it. Vicki thought for a second, she suggested a match with Batista. TONIGHT! MVP left ever so slightly annoyed... Finlay def. Chuck Palumbo in a "So has he been Tajiri all along? You can't say that you've seen them in the same room at the same time..." match The medium-sized Green machine and his Lil' green son came out to the ring, with Hornswaggle diving under the ring. When Chuck came out to the ring, Foley, for reasons unknown, talked about John Laurinitis's gimmick of being one of the Dynamic Dudes! They locked up with Finlay getting the advantage for an elbow to the nose, but Chuck drove him into the corner. Off the break, Finlay picked the leg, tripping Chuck and wrenching the knee. Chuck got back to his feet and took over with a couple of punches and kicks to Finlay in the corner. Short clothesline scored a 2 for Palumbo. Chuck put on a chinlock, before driving his knee into Finlay's back. Chuck stayed on top with a hard punch in the corner, as Foley brought up the "KO" nickname again. Hornswaggle made his presence known when he squirted Chuck with a water gun. Palumbo kicked Finlay down and stalked Horny, but Finlay ran him down on the outside. However, after rolling Chuck back in the ring, Palumbo got up quick to kick Finlay off the apron. On the outside, Chuck broke up the 10 count, before rolling Finlay back in. Back suplex scored a 2 count for Chuck, before the biker launched in punches, but Finlay then managed to catch Chuck in an armbar, with Palumbo scrambling for the ropes. Chuck scored another nearfall right away before putting on another quick chinlock. Finlay fought to his knees, before driving Palumbo into the corner. However, Chuck exploded out the corner off the break with a clothesline for another deuce. More knees to Finlay's back and then another chinlock, this time from a side headlock position. Finlay fought back up to his feet, but he bounced off the ropes into a big boot. More knees to the back of Finlay for a nearfall, before he went back to the chinlock. And once again, Finlay forced his way back up to his feet before hitting a jawbreaker to break it up. Finlay then dodged a corner charge before driving his shoulder into Chuck. Rolling Samoan scored a 2 count for Finlay. Finlay got the boot up in the corner and came off the second rope with a crossbody with a 2 count. Chuck hit another short clothesline for a 2 count. Belly to belly overhead throw by Chuck. Hornswaggle appeared again and Chuck got his hands on him. However, he spat green mist on Chuck and one shillelagh shot later, Finlay as your winner! ---------- 6.5/10 - Decent enough stuff, but I think they went to the "knees to the back/chinlock" well at least one too many times. But that said, hard hitting stuff with the fun of Hornswaggle added in. ---------- Mickey Henson tried to check Hornswaggle's mouth before a replay of it, where Foley said he had heard of a legendary leprechaun mist... We saw MVP get ready before his match...next! Batista def. MVP in a "Yep...Again..." match MVP made his way to the ring, followed by Batista, who had a rather long entrance (maybe it just felt like it) as Cole and Foley talked about the upcoming stretcher match Batista has at the PPV, during both entrances. Cole said that an exclusive interview (he didn't say with whom...) with HBK saw him say that someone would get hurt, but it wouldn't be him. A scoop right there. They jockeyed for position but ended up in the ropes. Back in the middle, Batista elbowed out of a wristlock with ease. Batista got the side headlock, and when MVP got away, he was only met with a back elbow by Dave. When MVP collected himself, he picked his shots on Batista before grabbing a headlock himself. Batista shoved off, before leapfrogging MVP and hitting MVP with a big boot, sending Porter form the ring. He hit an axe handle to the outside before putting MVP back in and hitting a suplex for a quick 2 count. MVP was whipped across the ring, but he dropkicked the knee, sending Batista's face into the middle turnbuckle. MVP then hit the boot in the corner, sending Batista up, over and out of the ring as we took a break. Back in the show, MVP made a cover, but Batista was way too close to the ropes. Another cover scored a 2 count while we saw a replay of MVP's big boot in the corner. Front chancery by MVP. However, he was prime to be picked up and driven into the corner, which is exactly what Batista did. However, Batista acted all woozy afterwards and MVP kicked out the knee again. Porter headed up top, but while Batista caught him, MVP took a jump off to the outside, using the rope to wrap Batista's arm off the top rope. Elbow lock saw Batista grab a rope. MVP wrapped the arm around the ringpost, before pulling at it. Batista hit a couple of shots, but MVP got the drop toehold and then sent Batista through the pads and into the ringpost MVP kept working over the arm, getting a 2 count off of a knee drop on it. Armbar by MVP. Batista got back to his feet, shaking off MVP, although Porter came back with a neckbreaker for a 2 count. MVP set himself for another running kick, but he ran into a spear from Batista. Back body drop by Batista. MVP rolled out, but that just allowed Batista to send MVP into the ringpost. Batista then whipped Porter through the pads, sending his shoulder into the corner. He then did it again. Batista then caught an MVP kick. He hit a spinebuster and then a Batista Bomb on MVP for the win. ---------- 6.5/10 - I know Batista is the one with the big PPV match coming up, and while this told a nice story, it was pretty much the same old story we've seen in their countless other matches with each other with the same old result. Decent enough though. ---------- Cole sent it to RAW, and the "Piper's Pit" deal with the birthday party of Jimmy Kimmel's "Cousin Sal". Apparently the payoff of this is going to be on Smackdown (not that they announced that here...). Oh goody... Vladimir Kozlov def. Nunzio in a "Well, it's a step up from Funaki...just one step up though..." match Nunzio was in the ring before Kozlov made his way out. Cole claimed that Russian President, Vladimir Putin, was a "Samboist" as well. And again, Kozlov destroyed his opponent, although Nunzio put up the most fight so far. The punt-cum-catch in the corner led to the Reverse DDT. for the easy three. ---------- 2.5/10 - The more Kozlov has to work in fighting off his opponent's comebacks, the more we'll see of him and the better the rating will get... ---------- Matt Hardy & Kofi Kingston def. Elijah Burke & Shelton Benjamin in a "Hooray! I finally get to use "Jamaican Me Crazy!"" match After the break, Hardy made his way to the ring before Kofi Kingston made his way out after him. And if Mike Adamle has given us one thing, it has to be the phrase I referenced earlier. I LOVE IT! Then, in a nice surprise, Elijah Burke got TV time! He made his way out before the man who handed Kofi his first loss in WWE. Indeed, we saw the highlights of the match as he came out. Kingston and Burke started things off. They locked up, with Burke grabbing the arm. Kingston rolled through and tripped Burke, grabbing the arm. Jacknife cover by Kofi scored a 1 count. Hardy was tagged in, and he wrung Burke's arm. Burke forced Hardy into the corner, and thus the break, before laying in shots to Hardy's gut. Hardy fired back before whipping Burke into the corner with a clothesline. Hardy then hit a suplex before heading to the middle rope, hitting the elbow to the back of the head. Shelton caused a distraction, allowing Elijah to block the Side Effect with knees before Shelton was tagged in. Burke tagged back in quickly and they doubled teamed Matt with a 2 count, while Foley went nowhere with a metaphor about a fart machine. Benjamin came back in and scored a 2 count off of Burke choking Matt on the rope. Inverted European headlock by Shelton. Hardy got out of it and caught Benjamin with a Side Effect. Hardy made the tag to Kofi. He began to build momentum before hitting a wacky headscissors and double leg drop. Kofi jumped up top and hit a high crossbody for a 2 count, broken by Burke. hardy dumped him out. Benjamin downed Hardy by Kingston hit the Jamaican Buzzsaw kick for the win. ---------- 6/10 - Short, but OK. Kofi definitely needs more TV time on Smackdown to get him over, judging by the reaction of the crowd. Or lack of it, as the case may be.... ---------- The RAW Rebound saw the firing of William Regal. Didn't make oceans of sense at the time, but it sure as hell does now... It'll be interesting to see how he's written back into it, after he's been fired. THE COLE & THE MICKLES~! talked about how before getting canned, Regal made announcement on the PPV, before running over the current ONS card. I've seen people looking down on this show. But hey, I'm liking it a lot thus far. We saw Chavo (and the rest of La Familia) walk the halls as we took a break. Undertaker def. Chavo Guerrero in a "Well, maybe he wasn't so smart last week after all..." We came back to see Undertaker make his entrance, as Cole claimed fans had said that said Undertaker had been "Plundered and ravaged" of the title. That doesn't even make sense! Chavo then made his way out with Edge, Hawkins, Ryder and Neely. Chavo came out looking all kinds of smug. Chavo ducked a shot before putting a few in, but he was caught and dumped in the corner, before getting downed with punches. He worked over the former ECW Champion, hitting and big boot and an early Old School. Taker called for the chokeslam, but Chavo grabbed the ropes. Taker went for a Big Boot, but Chavo ducked out the way and Taker crotched himself. The Rated Rmy pulled Taker out with the ref's back turned, but when he turned back, he ejected the trio! Whoops! Chavo rolled back in and went to work on Taker, going for the knees. However, Taker quickly made a comeback. Chavo sent Taker out the ring, but he caught Chavo when he dived off the apron, sending Chavo back-first, into the ringpost. However, Chavo snapped off a DDT as Taker got back in the ring. Taker sat up and Chavo crapped himself. Cole noted that Foley came up with the TLC match, as Taker hit a back body drop. Snake Eyes was followed by a Big Boot. An elbow drop scored a 2 count. Taker again called for the chokeslam. Neely caused a distraction as Chavo raked the eyes. However Chavo came off the ropes into position for a chokeslam. Neely got on the apron again. Taker downed him, but was hit with a low blow. Chavo went up again, but Taker got up. Chavo went for a crossbody, but was caught, with Undertaker hitting the tombstone for the three count. ---------- 6.5/10 - Fair enough. It got the crowd going, for sure. ---------- Taker posed with the lights purple as the show quickly ended. OVERALL - 6/10 (-1 on last week) - This was OK, but never much more than that. With only this week and next to pimp ONS, there was never going to be much in the way of new direction. It was just a brief holding pattern. Nothing was at all bad, but nothing stood out. And the main thing was the TLC announcement, and other than seeing the heat Vicki got during the promo, you don't need to see the show for that, so it was missable. Then again, by this point, if you didn't see the show, you missed it anyway. Aaron Wood is the man with the greatest intro theme on ClubWWI as certified by James Guttman's endorsement and Zah's jealousy to rip off the idea. He's now also looking forward to James's second book AS REVEALED EARLIER THIS WEEK!!! Other than that, he's had a hard week at work, and yet, may well have another audio this week. I know. 2 in 2 weeks. He's a monster! When he's bored, and he gets bored easily, you can normally find him on the WWI Forums or playing "Wrestler" on Facebook with many of his WWI friends. Or he'll be playing one of his many PS3 games, which include Burnout Paradise, Unreal Tournament 3, Uncharted, Gran Turismo 5: Prologue and GRAND THEFT AUTO IV~!~!~!~!. You can find him with the username "aaron24wood", if you want to so battle with him. Aaron's mood today was...tired. Alphabetical Listing of Guests You Can Hear on ClubWWI.com : Aaron
Aguliera Christian
Cage Jackie
Gayda Chalie
Haas B.G.
James
Bruno
"Harvey Wippleman" Lauer Rodney
Mack One
Man Gang Diamond
Dallas Page Harley
Race Sylvester
Terkay
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