Smackdown
Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Is Kane Gonna Have To Chokeslam A Bitch?
By Aaron Wood
Jun 11, 2010 - 5:11 PM

I'm gonna have to fess up this week. This review is going to be a lot more brief than usual, because I think I may be getting hit by the flu.

LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: A no-good fan attacked Drew McIntyre, Swagger & MVP paid homage to this week's RAW Guest Host, the lyrics to Boomer Sooner were seemingly self-explanatory and Kane seemed to want vengeance for something or other...

THIS WEEK…
We started off this week with a recap of the main angle from last week as Kane swore VENGEANCE~! on whoever took out Undertaker, before moving to the main event which Rey Mysterio won to win undertaker' PPV spot.

Well, Kane has four main suspects then...
After the credits, Rey Rey made his way out. What it do, Tampa? hang on a minute, is that not Skip Sheffield's catchphrase? No wonder they're pissed. He got a second chance last week when he did what he does best. The impossible. Winning the Smackdown Battle Royal. Not entirely sure that's an impossible thing to do. He vowed to win the title, but it wouldn't be his World Title, it would be OUR title. The current champion, and opponent in about 10 minutes, Jack Swagger came out. Swaggie said Rey didn't earn anything. Hell, he never had. He just took advantage of Undertaker's misfortune. While Rey was drinking beer in Mexico, he was in Oklahoma perfecting the art of wrestling because he knew one day he would be destined for the World Title.

Rey was all "Wow". A "Swagger sucks" chant got going, but Rey wasn't entirely in agreement That said, he thought all of Swagger's education went to waste because was talking dumb. Rey was proud of his heritage and proud to represent the 619, and you know what it would take to win? Swagger answer a miracle, but Mysterio buzzed that that was wrong and it'd just take a 619. CM Punk, and the SES, made their way out. They got Malcolm X and JFK, so it was only a matter of time that they got him. On Monday, he was the subject of an assassination attempt and targets for some unknown reason. They were beaten by 36 armed assailants (way to hyperbole!) and anyone else subjected to that beating wouldn't be here now, but he happened to be extraordinary. The only Straight Edge 3-time World Champion in WWE history and the only thing better than that would be making that a 4th time, and at the PPV, that would happen.

Mysterio thought Punk's ears must want to crawl away because he was sure that everyone was tired of him running his mouth. Now, he already beat Punk and shaved his head. Why not show some dignity and rep the SES without the silly mask he has on? Show them what you look like bald. Punk was all "Pot. Kettle. Black". Big Show's music kicked in, leading Punk to comment that Show was bald. Show was all smiles. Hey guys relax. He just wanted to take care of some business. He'd walk into the PPV, beat them up, and leave as Champion. He spoke of respect of Rey. His ass was a bit big so he's likely need a few area codes. We know all about Swagger. And what's up with you Punk? He carries off bald. Rey is bald but wants to rep his Latino heritage. That cool. But Punk, how about later on Show just pulls that mask clean off?

Punk was in the middle of a rebuttal when the ring went red and Kane appeared on the TitanTron. As he looked at the four in the ring, he couldn't help but think who was responsible for attacking his brother. When he found who was responsible, the guilty party would end up in this. This seemingly being Undertaker's casket. Maybe it wasn't just one. Maybe it was two. Maybe it was all four of them, since no-one person could do that to Taker. But there would be VENGEANCE~!

Rey Mysterio def. Jack Swagger in a "Swagger losing a on-title match heading into the PPV? Yep, that sounds about normal..." non-title match
We returned for the opening bell. Early on, Swagger was all about the amateur SKILLZ~! until Rey managed to armdrag out of a waistlock, send Swagger into a corner then then low bridge the Boomer Sooner as he charged. Back in, Swagger took Rey into the corner and pounded him down, but came back with the wheelbarrow bulldog. He then hit a springboard headscissors, putting Swagger in 619 position, Rey hit that and then a springboard splash, but Swagger got his foot on the rope to break the count as we took a break.

Swagger sent Rey out as we came back. Swagger clubbed at Rey on the outside before rolling him back in. Hard whip into the corner by Swagger. A Swagger chinlock was changed into a bodyscissors. Rey got out, but was hit with a clothesline for a 2 count. Swagger put Rey up top, but Rey fought back and knocked Swagger down. However, Jack was back up quickly hitting an overhead throw for a 2 count, as we took ANOTHER break.

Swagger was still in control, working on Rey's midsection and back. Back to the bodyscissors. Mysterio clubbed the legs to escape, before blocking two charges to the corner before ducking a third one. Rey went up, but Swagger cut him off, putting Mysterio in the Tree Of Woe. Rey avoided the charge before coming off the top with a seated senton. However, he ran into a Swagger big boot for a 2 count. Swagger looked for the Gutwrench powerbomb, but Rey flipped out and hit a 619 to the standing Swagger before dropping him on the other side of the ring for a proper one. Mysterio dropped the dime for the win.

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8/10 - Really good long match. But seriously now, how about giving Swagger a non-title match win, huh???
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As Rey celebrated, Swagger attacked Mysterio, but Kane's pyro blew and he came down to the ring. he got in and chokeslammed Swagger first and then Rey Rey.

They promised footage from RAW.

Layla El def. Tiffany in a "Yep, this is precisely why I like LayCool with Kaval... He gets to be on Smackdown!" match
LayCool came out, and they brought their NXT rookie Kaval with them. Which, thanks to The Green Teabagger on the forums, shall hence forth be known as KavaLayCool. the ladies took a mic and Layla thought she was going to spew. I mean, look at these fans! But hey, Layla, Michelle's parents are in the building! Cue shot of Michelle's parents looking entirely confused. They said they could help the fans out with make-up tips, with Kaval standing in the background with a face that said "Da f**k???"

Tiffany made her way out along with Kelly Kelly. And apparently, Kelly's mother was in the crowd as well. Tiffany was elevated over to the apron before she took a kick to the head for a 2 count. Layla put on a wacky headscissors, which I'm guessing Kaval taught her. Tiffany with a comeback of atomic drop and clotheslines. She mounted Layla in the corner, but was thrown off into the top rope. However, Tiffany scored an inside cradle for a 2 count. Tiffany knocked Michelle off the apron, but walked into the Layout for the win.

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3.5/10 - Meh, they did what they could.
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After the break, The Legend That Is Todd Grisham and Matt Striker sent it to the FULL footage of the NXT beatdown angle from Monday. So hey, that's a full 10 minutes of TV time dealt with in one sentence.

Christian def. Dolph Ziggler in a "I think that's The Gatecrashers with their contract won..." match
We came back to Christian's entrance, as we shot back to Superstars, and the handicap match with Christian against Ziggler and Chavo in a match made by Vickie Guerrero. Speaking of people who yell "Excuse me!", she came out and introduced the future of the WWE, Dolph Ziggler. Vickie walked down to the ring and took a chair by the announcers, leading Striker to say "I'll take care of her for you, Zack!" Woopsie doodle...

A foot race started things off, which allowed Dolph to get the first shots in, but Christian came back and catapulted Ziggler over the top. He then hit the double jump splash to the outside. Christian went up, but was launched off the top turnbuckle to the floor as we took a break. Ziggler was in control upon return. Ziggler hit the Savage necksnap over the top rope, picking up a 2 count. Ziggler then hit the Mr. Perfect roiling necksnap, but he came off the ropes into a boot. Christian began to mount a comeback, hitting the missile dropkick for a 2 count. Ziggler sent Christian to the apron, but Triple C slapped him and came off the top with a crossbody, but Ziggler rolled through for 2. Ziggler then hit the Fameasser for another 2 count. What is with Ziggler stealing move tonight? Savage, Perfect and now Billy Gunn. Boy, one of them is an odd man out...

Christian avoided a corner charge and hit the pendulum kick and flying Euro uppercut. Ziggler countered the Killswitch into the sleeper, but Christian dropped Dolph in the corner. Christian hit the springboard sunset flip and picked up the three count

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7/10 - Pretty good match, continuing the feud.
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The Gatecrashers ran right in and hit their finishers on Christian. Striker noted their 30-day contract expired at midnight. Me thinks they've won Vickie's approval though. As they left, Dolph picked Christian up and locked on the sleeper

One question. Why is Kane lugging around his brothers coffin? That said, if he's not dead, why is there a coffin at all? My head hurts. Well, it did already, but it hurts more now.
We went backstage to see Kane laying a black wreath on the coffin, as he said he wouldn't allow the flame to extinguish. It should also be noted that music was playing in the background much like last week. All his life, he felt "you" in his soul, guiding him to success, but now you're gone and Kane's soul was empty. Hollow. Tortured. But so would be the culprits. With every fibre of his being, they'd be damned to hell.

Drew sets things right!
Drew McIntyre came out and demanded the presence of Teddy Long. Peanuthead eventually came out. Drew directed Long to watch the TitanTron, as we saw last week's Smackdown and how Drew lost to Kofi Kingston to retain the IC Title and Hardy's following Twist Of Fate. He then directed Long back to the screen, as we saw what happened on RAW as Matt Hardy was able to face McIntyre in a match, beating Drew there as well, continuing to assault Drew afterwards.

Long now wanted a word, but Drew cut him off. Long couldn't talk, and when it comes to viewers choice, he was the only choice because he's the Chosen One. And because Long is so useless, he had to do his job for him. As per Vinny Mac, not only is Hardy suspended for Smackdown, but also RAW and ALL WWE programming. Long tried to talk again, but Drew snatched the mic out of his hand and threw it down. Drew said he warned Long if he turned a blind eye to his misfortunes, there'd be a price to pay. And he had some news for Teddy.

However, Kofi Kingston came out. He was sick and tired of listening to Drew bitch and complain every week. Hell, EVERYONE was sick of it! So on behalf of the WWE Universe, he was telling him to shut up. Kofi said they were opposites. When he fell, he picked himself up. If he wanted something, he earned it. Like a man. And when he doesn't like someone, he did something about it. Kofi attacked Drew with a mic shot. Drew got the upperhand briefly, but Kofi hit the Trouble In Paradise, knocking McIntyre off the apron.

Back from break, we were in Teddy Long's office as he was trying to speak to Vince when Drew came in. He tried to warn Teddy, but now he had no alternative to listen. Next week, Drew had a match. It would be Drew McIntyre vs. Teddy Long. And Vince has decreed that if Long didn't show up, he was fired.

Big Show def. CM Punk by DQ in a "Trust Punk to be the only one to get away, huh?" match
Punk tried to pick his spots early, keeping his distance. After hiding in the ropes, Punk hit some kicks, but Show fisted up and threatened to punch Punk as he was about to come off the top rope. Punk decided against it and consulted with Gallows & Serena as we took a break. We came back and Big Show hit a big chop to the chest. He worked punk over in the corner. In another corner, Punk cowered to protect his mask, but Show chopped him in the back. Show called for a chokeslam, but he hesitated and laid in a choke. He called to pull off the mask, but as he grabbed at it, Gallows and the mystery SES member entered the ring for the DQ.

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6.5/10 - Really didn't go on very long, and while nothing was bad, it wasn't spectacular either.
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The SES beat Big Show down when Kane came out. Punk & Serena managed to escape, but Kane chokeslammed Luke Gallows, the mystery guy and then Big Show as he got up. Kane blew his ringpost pyro as the show ended.

OVERALL - Very decent show this week. That said, it really didn't seem to want to push the PPV as much as the Kane angle, and given how the RAW side of the PPV must be pretty much blown out of the water, they need to push the Smackdown side hard. I mean, what is the undercard other than the 2 title matches? IS THERE ONE? Man, if they can't magic up a card in the go-home week that is buys, this show could be doing December To Dismember numbers.