Smackdown
Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Kane Promises To Take A Wild Guess On Sunday...
By Aaron Wood
Jun 18, 2010 - 6:00 PM

I'm still f**kin' ill, god damn it! Grrr... That said, I'm about 94316723.167 times better than I was at this point last week. As I type this literal sentence, I have food in the oven for the first time this week and a bit./ yes, not since last Thursday have I had a cooked meal! And I've barely eaten much at all until a few days ago when I found jelly and ice cream went down smooth. But no, I've got hot food on tap.

And I've got some of the videos I was going to use last week, which are based on FOOTBALL and the ongoing World Cup in South Africa. The only good thing about being laid low form work is the chance to watch a bunch of games. Before anyone says anything, I know two of the songs I've got this week are for England, and I'm Scottish, but not only am I not Anti-English, but they're pretty. kickass songs!

LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: We found out what Michelle's parents look like, Drew McIntyre was booked into a tough fight, Kane talked to some flowers and Swagger was in a non-title match. Guess what happened...

THIS WEEK…
We kick off the show with a recap of last week's doings in the Undertaker/coma angle, where he kicked everyone's ass who is in the PPV main event.

Seriously, who is Luke going to be next week? Paul Bearer?
As CM Punk was the first to appear, I'm compelled to apologise to the messiah of Straight Edge, as I have veered from the path and accepted some prescribed medication of penicillin to help cure my predicament. If Mr. Punk cares to write to me and advise me on what to do, I should be most grateful. That said, the pills have really f**kin' help, ye get me!

Anyway, Punk said on Sunday he'd win his fourth title, which makes him a four-time Straight Edge World Champion. No-one in WWE history has done that! The only thing that would make that sweeter would have been if Taker was there to see it. Punk knows the crowd failed high school and can't remember their last history lesson, never mind having killed billions of brain cells in the meantime, but he had to remind them that he was the only guy to ever make Undertaker tap out. If it wasn't for the Phenom's current state, he'd make him tap out again. But that's why Punk was here tonight. He wanted to talk Taker's state. As he's not responsible for the crowd's vegetative state, no-one in the SES was responsible for Taker. That said, it's not as if he finds the idea of a comatose Deadman freakin' hilarious. Oh, to see the look on Taker's face! When the culprit makes themselves known, he'll be first in line to shake their hand. Because to be honest, this Universe has been so much better without Taker.

At that point, the lights went out and when they came back on, there was THE UNDERTAKER! The crowd screamed, Punk shat himself. Punk tentatively approached the figure to make sure it was real, but then he smiled and revealed it was just Luke Gallows all along. What is it with Luke and dressing up like Taker's family? How about dressing up as Taker's dead parents just to rub it in. That said, Gallows suited Taker's get up. Punk & Luke cackled and mocked Undertaker, and hell, there's something about a masked CM Punk with undertaker's hat on his head that made him look like a Rabbi. indeed, just as I typed that, Striker just about got out the same idea.

Before long, Kane's pyro went off and he was coming for the SES. However, from behind Jack Swagger attacked, and with the addition of the Masked SES guy, it was a 4 on 1 beating. They set Kane up for a Luke Gallows big splash before putting Kane in position for THREE Vader Bombs from Swagger. And suffice to say, they had Swagger issue some serious air time on the bombs, since Kane was further away form the corner than usual. Rey Mysterio & Big Show ran in to make the save. Well, clear off the heels. Because as Kane was picking himself up, Mysterio gave him a 619, sending him into a Big Show chokeslam. Mysterio teased hitting a seated senton, but decided against it when he saw Big Show's face as he stood over Kane. Show knelt over Kane and yelled at him, for once and for all, he had nothing to do with Taker.


New Order - "World In Motion"

We cut to a replay of Drew McIntyre's debut, in an effort to build to his confrontation with Teddy Long later.

The Gatecrashers def. Christian & MVP in a "There is clips to explain this..." match
MVP & Christian came out first, and as they each did so, we cut to a replay of when Curt Hawkins and Vance Archer attacked them after matches, hence tonight's match. Hawkins and Christian started off, Christian taking control after Hawkins trash-talked him. MVP came in and worked over the mid-section, hitting a knee drop to the gut for a 2 count. He was driven into the heel corner, but fought back, knocking Archer off the apron and sending Hawkins out after him. Christian and MVP hit stereo pescados. However, as things calmed down, Archer attacked MVP behind his back and sent him into the steel steps, ending it to a break.

Hawkins was in control when we came back, as it was noted they had been working on MVP left arm. Archer tagged in and booted the shoulder. He wrapped it around the rope and pulled on the arm, because hitting an armbar takedown. However, he missed a leg drop on the arm. He managed to prevent the tag though and tag in Hawkins instead. Hawkins with a modified chinlock that also worked over MVP's arm, but Porter got out and tagged in Christian. Christian built momentum, hitting the reverse DDT before knocking Archer off the apron. Christian rammed Hawkins' head in the corner before going up and hitting a crossbody for 2. The match broke down, where MVP was sent into the ringpost, allowing Archer to hit the Reverse DDT and then Hawkins finished with the flying elbow.

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7/10 - Decent match to establish the new team. Seemed a little bit out of left field though unless the Christian/Ziggler feud is now done.
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They brought MVP in, and despite a mini-comeback by MVP, he was hit with the DDT/Elbow combo as well.

Sorry Rosa, but you name just doesn't fit!
We cut to KavaLayCool in the back, as the girls were wittering away. Rosa Mendes came up to them and said she had wanted to talk to them in forever. She suggested she could be part of LayCool, something which Michelle & Layla rightfully rejected. And indeed, they old Rosa she was wearing too much make-up and wondered when the last time she won a match was. They told Rosa to re-evaluate her look and career. They then played with Kaval's straight face, making him smile. HILARIOUS STUFF WITH KAVAL. Seriously, if I were Kaval, I would have a hard time keeping a straight face doing this stuff. And I've been a well reviewed actor in the past.

Another Drew retrospective video, this one being the non-loss to Kane, which was reversed, leaving him still undefeated.

Really, he needed a tool belt for THAT?
We returned to see Vickie Guerrero in the back. Chavo came in talking about how great it was to be back with her, which she ignored, choosing instead to be pleased to see Dolph Ziggler. Y'see this was no ordinary Mr. Ziggles. Now, he was wearing even smaller hot-pants than usual and a great big tool belt! He thanked her for buying the stuff, but felt they were really tight. Chavo was sent out the room to get ready for a match he didn't know he had. Dolph said he look ridiculous, and what was with the tools???

Vickie said she had a project for him, to hang a picture of the two from last week. Suffice to say though, there was a nail in the wall already for him, as he just plonked it on the wall. However, since it was crooked, Vickie made him try and get it right, forcing him to stand on the couch. She had a right good look and Dolph's derrière as Chris Masters came in with a match idea. However, he saw what was going on, perv-wise, and left.

The McIntyre/Long video this time was when Drew was fired for attacking Matt Hardy.


Nike advert - "Write The Future"

JTG def. Chavo Guerrero in a "Yes, they put this match on..." match
JTG came out before a break, with Chavo coming out afterwards still putting his wrist tape on, and half-laced boot. However, he used the boot an excuse to jump JTG at the bell. JTG hit a "modified blockbuster", but Chavo came back with a Liger kick. Chavo put on a chin and arm lock. JTG got out but was scoop slammed. The tope in in onto JTG met knees though, and JTG began a comeback. JTG hit the Mug Shot for a 2 count. Chavo worked over Chavo in the corner, but missed a corner splash and was hit with the Shout Out for the three.

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6/10 - Short and decent. Interesting move to bring the kids in the ring to celebrate with JTG. Not sure is it's a desperation move yet.
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After a replay, we saw that he had been joined by some kids in the ring to do his bouncing dance thing.

We cut back to Josh Matthews, who was with Kofi Kingston. Josh talked about his match against drew on Sunday, wondering if Drew's relationship with Vinny mac stacked the deck. Kofi said it would be a fight, and that's not a problem. But he had a problem with tonight. He put Teddy Long in a match, and he's not trained. No good can come from it. But what would be good is walking in and then out of the PPV with the title.

We went to the video of Drew getting the IC Title back when Drew was reinstated. after the break, we then saw last week as the match between Drew & Long was made.

Drew McIntyre def. Teddy Long in a "Take note Canadian Bulldog. This is what happens when a pissed off Scotsman finally gets the chance to get their hands on someone..." match
Drew came out first. Teddy's music played, not no Thaddeus. Striker ran over some of Teddy's accomplishments in wrestling, although curio was "he was the first referee of his kind". DO YA MEAN BLACK, MATT? I mean, would it have been that difficult for Striker to say "He was the first African American referee to work in a major promotion" or some such. "Of his kind" just sounds wrong. Anyway, drew got on the mic and reminded Long of his predicament, drawing him out the second time of asking, although Long was clearly not dressed to wrestle. Either that or he found that over-sized business suits we good for wrestling in.

Drew noted the suit, saying he'd still tear him apart. However, to make sure he was alone in doing it, and that Kofi & Hardy couldn't get involved, he got his own security force, so out came the Indy geeks. Drew got Lil' Naitch to pat Long for weaponry. Drew begged Teddy to lay one on him. Drew said he knew Long's family were watching and a lot of them didn't have jobs. Do you wanna end up like them? This industry is all Long knows! The only way you might get out of this is by doing exactly what he's told.

So, as Jack Swagger's entrance theme goes, get down on your knees! McIntyre got Long to proclaim that Drew was the Chosen One, which Long did. Teddy got up, but was told to get back on again, although he was then told to lay down in the ring. As he crawled to the middle of the ring and lay down, Drew called him pathetic before looking for the bell. one foot on the chest and a three count later, Drew had won.

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0/10 - This was only a match in technicality.
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Teddy tried to leave, but Drew intimated he was going to hit the Futureshock on him. However, Kofi ran out to make the save. The security grabbed him however, and this allowed Drew to get some unanswered shots in. Matt Hardy ran in form the crowd, but security grabbed him too for a beating. Hardy was rolled in the ring and hit with the Futureshock. McIntyre then called for Kofi as well and hit the Futureshock on him, the segment ending with McIntyre standing triumphantly over the pair.


Shakira - "Waka Waka"

Kelly Kelly def. Layla in a "See Tiffany, that's how you do it..." non-title match
No Kaval with LayCool ringside this evening. However, Kelly did bring Tiffany with her. Layla grabbed a headlock early, before hitting a forearm and then getting a wacky pin for a 2 count as Striker managed to remember Extreme Expose. Kelly hit an armdrag and a Thesz Press, before she dropkicked Layla out the ring. However, as she tried to bring Layla back in, she was draped across the middle rope. Layla locked on a headscissors on the mat, but Kelly did a nice flip out of it. Kelly with a jacknife pin for 2, before she set Layla in the corner. The handspring elbow missed though. Layla was fought off though, causing Michelle to try and interfere, which she did for long enough to distract Kelly so Layla could kick her. That said, the Layout was countered into the K2 to give Kelly the win.

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5/10 - Short and relatively inoffensive.
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Back to Josh Matthews, who had Jack Swagger with him this time. Josh asked about teaming with Punk tonight then facing him as well as Show 7 Rey on Sunday. However, Swagger wittered on about a track and field event where his father inspired him to beat kids twice his age. Hence this Sunday and his win, was dedicated to his daddy on Father's Day.

The Smack Of The Night was last week's Ziggler vs. Christian match, with the Gatecrashers run in and Ziggler's sleeper.

Vickie came out onto the stage to introduce Ziggler, a man with such Adonis-like looks, hair you just stroke your fingers through and who we needed to pay respect to. Grisham got a World Cup reference in, saying her voice was more annoying than a Vuvuzela.

Dolph Ziggler def. Chris Masters in a "Sleeper vs. Full Nelson??? 1986 called. It wants it's match back!" match
Dolph ate an early shoulderblock, but caught Masters on the ropes, allowing him to come back in and lay in blows. Ziggler stretched out Master's shoulder, but the Masterpiece powered out of it. He then caught a dropkick and catapulted Ziggler into the corner. Atomic drop and clotheslines by Masters. He called for the finish, but Ziggler slipped out. Dolph, however ran into a side slam for a 2 count. master looked for a powerslam, but Ziggler slipped back into a sleeper position. Masters dropped to a knee, but managed to physically break the hold and look for the Masterlock himself. He got it on, but Ziggler was right into the ropes. Ziggler kicked out the knee and snapped off a ZigZag for the win.

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6/10 - Short but perfectly acceptable.
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Vickie got in the ring and hugged Ziggler.

The RAW Rebound was the follow up to the NXT Invasion, where they left Bret Hart lying and demanded contracts by the PPV. Between these guys messing with RAW and Kane's menacing of the Smackdown main event for the show, I don't hold out much hope for either match right now. The Legend That Is Todd Grisham and Matt Striker went over the PPV card on Sunday. What there is of it.


Fat Les - "Vindaloo"

Big Show & Rey Mysterio def. Jack Swagger & CM Punk in a "Payback of payback is a bitch..." match
Swagger & Mysterio started this one off. Rey was dumped in the heel corner, bringing in Punk, who drove his shoulders into Rey's gut. A snap elbow drop picked up a 1 count. Rey ducked a shot and hit a snapmare followed by a leg drop for a 1 count of his own. Rey rolled through a sunset flip and went for the mask, but Punk escaped outside. Rey followed, but took a big clothesline from Gallows. We came back to see Punk with Rey in a chinlock, before he pulled at Rey's mask. Rey fought his foes off while in their corner, but was caught with a snap powerslam. Swagger tagged in and he continued Punk's work. Biel out of the corner was followed by yet another Vader Bomb for the night.

Swagger worked the arm, but Rey got back to his feet and fought out. he then hit a big X-Factor on Swagger as Swagger went to backdrop him. Mysterio made the hot tag to Big Show, and he went to town on Swagger. he booted Punk down before looking for the chokeslam. However, Swagger countered with a DDT. This put both men down, but Show tagged in Rey. However, Rey's leap off the top with a crossbody missed. Swagger picked Mysterio up for the Gutwrench Powerbomb, but Rey got out of it, driving Swagger down with him as he slipped out, managing to pick up the three count off that.

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7/10 - It was fine, but it just felt like there was an intangible missing, because while I can't put my finger on it, I felt something missing here. It could be the length, which on reflection felt a little short. Could have been the action in the match and story told in the match. I dunno. Just felt lacking somewhere, somehow.
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A very pissed off Kane came out and chokeslammed Swagger, knocked down Big Show as he got up, chokeslammed Punk as he came off the top and then for a coup de grace, he gave Rey the Tombstone. Kane got on the mic and said one of them was already in hell and didn't know it yet. And that on Sunday, it would be a FATAL night for the guilty. He then blew his pyro before making the undertaker pose to the coffin that suddenly appeared at the top of the stage as the show ended.

OVERALL - Pretty good show this week, but with some pretty big flaws. Biggest of all was the lack of PPV build. Sure we got the bits promoting the main event and the idea that Kane will name his guilty party on Sunday and we were told about Kofi vs. Drew (although I'm sure that came out last week), but really, other than literally just Kane saying he'd name and shame, there was squadouche in the way of advancement of storyline for Fatal 4 Way.

This show was lynch-pinned around the Drew McIntyre/Teddy Long angle, which I think worked well in getting Drew some really good heat, because they didn't have him embarrass Long, who was awesome in his role, only to get run off by Kingston, but they brought out Kingston and had him beaten up, and then the same with Hardy. I thought that was a really good segment that was at times uncomfortable to watch, but in a good way. Or at least to me in a good way.

I liked the opening with Punk & Gallows, leading to the set-up of Kane and then Mysterio and Show taking their shots even though they were there to run off the heels. That only made sense. It also set up the ending pretty well, with Kane uber-pissed. That said, they've set up a situation where this match isn't going to matter until Kane makes his presence known one way or the other. My money would be on Rey winning the title with Kane blaming Rey. Rey then constantly protests his innocence, which feeds nicely into a Kane heel turn, since he's beating on a smaller guy who is staunchly claiming innocence. which can then lead to a title match at whatever is after F4W and then a likely Taker comeback to reveal it was Kane all along.