Smackdown
Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Punk Heads For The Nearest Road Race
By Aaron Wood
Jun 25, 2010 - 7:53 PM

So, the World Cup is still on, and SOMEHOW, England are still in it! That said, the USA topping England's group is helluva funny. Especially since England are set to play Germany in the next round, and the English like to think this is a clash of hated enemies. I mean, if you ask a German, they will tell you their nemeses are the Dutch. but hey, if the English want to dwell on the World Wars and 1966 like the WWE dwells on Montreal and then some, more power to them. But yeah, this week is more football videos like last week.

LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Rosa Mendes wanted Kaval's spot, Ziggler & Masters went OLD SCHOOL~!, Chavo should have been more prepared, Teddy Long innovated in-ring attire and Swagger lost again, although it was at least in a tag match this time...

THIS WEEK…
Arrogance and racism, thy name is Teddy Long.
We kick off with a happy Teddy Long and Vickie Guerrero in the back as Long talks about the three title changes on Sunday, including Rey's title win. And in four weeks, he'd defend the title at the new Money In The Bank PPV. Vickie interrupted and said that over the next couple of weeks, the two of them would evaluate the Smackdown roster and pick the 8 guys for their MITB match, the contract allowing the winner a title match at any time and any place for a year, but only for the World Champion of the time.

Vickie talked about the NXT guys had taken out Vinny Mac when Drew McIntyre walked in and wondered why Teddy was happy. He humiliated Teddy last week. Humbled him. And when he tells Vinny Mac about Long's reffing and lack of concern for Vince's health... Long said the WWE board told him he could run the show as he saw fit in Vince's absence. So first, Matt hardy was back, and second, he was facing Drew tonight. So take the accent, bagpipes full of hot air and pathetic look and get out. The smug f**ker stared at Drew, and even Vickie backed Teddy up. Frankly, if I were Drew, I'd make a complaint of discrimination with those Anti-Scottish comments. I thought Teddy was better than that. But clearly he's not.

Could just be me, but it looks like some slightly newer opening credits...


The Lightning Seeds (Feat. David Baddiel & Frank Skinner) - "Three Lions '98"

Big Show def. Jack Swagger by DQ in a "Kurt wants his finisher back..." match
We jumped right to Big Show's entrance, and he was all smiles as well. I would drug test everyone, because someone is doling out the happy pills! Grisham and Striker talked about CM Punk and Kane's belief he's the guilty party when it came to Undertaker's current state, mentioning a No DQ match was set for later. Jack Swagger came out, feeling his stomach to denote lack of golden belt. he did however have a microphone. he said that he wanted everyone to know he had filed a protest against the WWE for the fact he had to fight Big Show now and more importantly he had to defend his title in a four way, where it was impossible for even a guy like him to win. IT'S NOT FAIR! No rules in place to protect him or the title. So when Kane ruined the match and cost him the title, he was cheated out of the championship. But he's invoking his rematch clause at Money In The Bank and was confident he'd win, because if there was one thing his daddy taught him, cheaters never win and winners never cheat, but until then, he'd make everyone suffer. Just how he suffered on Sunday. Like his daddy suffered. But right now, he'd make Show suffer.

Swagger backed up into the corner at the bell, which allowed Big Show to gain control, working Swagger over in the corners. Show concentrated on the mid-section, before headbutting Swagger out. However, Swagger hung Big Show on the top rope. Swagger went up, but Big Show crotched him and went to the middle rope to hit a superplex! Swagger rolled outside as we hit the ads. We returned to see Big Show was still in control. He worked the left arm, wrenching on it before dropping a leg on it. Swagger tried to throw fists, but it didn't particularly work. Show stood on the arm. Swagger went for a front chancery, but Show tossed him off and squashed him in the corner. However, Swagger bounced off the ropes and hit a shoulder tackle that took out a leg and put Show down for a 2 count.

Swagger began to work over the left leg. He locked on a toe-hold, but Show managed to kick him off. Swagger blocked a corner charge and another Shoulder tackle, this time off the middle rope, put Show down again. Swagger hit a double leg drop before hitting the Vader Bomb. He tried again, but Show caught him for a chokeslam. However, Swagger countered with a roll up and he locked on an Ankle Lock! Big Show struggled, but managed to make the ropes. However, Swagger refused to let the hold go, and so was DQ'ed.

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7/10 - Decent enough match. Hell, may well be their best one on one match of recent times. and sure, Swagger lost again, but at least he looked strong in losing, with Big Show doing a big sell job on his leg. Hell, for all the times Kurt Angle put him in an ankle lock, I don't think Show ever felt the effects to that extent.
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Swagger hooked the leg as he refused to let go and Big Show tapped. As another ref ran down, Swagger let go. Show tried to stand up, but wasn't able. Swagger admired his handiwork from the stage.

They showed a graphic for Fatt Lardy against Drew and the Kane vs. CM Punk main.

Kofi Kingston, MVP & Christian def. The Gatecrashers & Dolph Ziggler in a "Well, when your previous experience is a "Regional promotion in Florida", you're gonna lose more than you win when it comes to the big WWE stage..." match
MVP & Hawkins started off, with MVP getting the upperhand, hitting a nice uranage-cum-suplex. Christian tagged in and hit a dropkick after a drop down. MVP back in, but Hawkins caught him and brought in Ziggler. However, MVP managed to fight all three opponents off before all the babyfaces hit moves on the heels who were on the outside. MVP hit a superman punch on Ziggler in the corner as we came back. Kofi tagged in and BADLY botched a sunset flip as he vaulted in. Kofi did then properly hit a his double leapfrog and back elbow. He then hit a dropkick before setting up for the Boom Drop. However, Hawkins distracted him long enough for Ziggler to take control, hitting the snapmare and rolling necksnap for 2.

Vance Archer saw action, as he worked on Kingston. He downed Kofi and put on a chinlock. Kofi escaped but with hit with a back elbow for 2. Hawkins tagged in and they hit a combo move that worked on Kofi's gut. Suplex picked up 2, before Curtis tried a chinlock. Kingston was quick to jawbreaker out, but Ziggler tagged in first and cut him off. He hit the leaping elbow drop for a 2 count. However, as Dolph dilly-dallied, Kofi headscissored him and managed to tag in Christian. Flapjack by Triple C was followed by the choke in the ropes and then the vault over. However, he hit Hawkins with it. Ziggler avoided a shot and hit MVP but was hit with the reverse DDT for 2. Christian then hit the springboard sunset flip, but Ziggler rolled through and hit a lovely Fameasser for a close 2 count. Christian hit a shot and went up. He knocked Mr. Ziggles down again and hit a missile dropkick for 2. The match broke down, with MVP and Kofi taking out The Gatecrashers. Ziggler looked to finish, but Christian held onto the top rope and hit the Killswitch for the three count.

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7/10 - Perfectly acceptable six man tag, giving the babyfaces a nice win.
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Striker and The Legend That Is Todd Grisham sent it to a recap of RAW and the NXT beating of Vince. So, that's Cena and the ring, Bret Hart and now Vince. if they continue with beatings, the only people left are the currently-pregnant Stephanie and the exhumed corpse of Gorilla Monsoon when it comes to shocking beatings. Also, can I just quash the rumour that I'm the new GM. I was fast asleep on Monday night because I'm in the middle of working. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Time to join Kane backstage. Non-Diegetic music? Check. Maniacal ramblings to an empty casket? Check. Threats made to the head of the SES? Check.

Hardy was high-fiving people and crap backstage. When he bumped into JTG, he tried to act black. Epic Fail.


The Sweaty Jocks - "Anyone But England"

Matt Hardy def. Drew McIntyre in a "Just produce your green card, Drew. And then shove it up Long's ass." match
Now, unlike the HHH/Orton blood feud, this one didn't start as a regular wrestling match. Nope, after some trash talking, this one was a slugfest from the get-go. Drew slipped out, but Hardy followed him and worked him over. Back in the ring, Hardy tackled McIntyre through the ropes and outside again. Drew was tossed into the steps. Back in, Drew managed to drive Hardy, who was on the apron, into the ringpost. Drew then hit a back suplex on the floor. McIntyre tried taking a countout win, but after what seemed like an eternity, Hardy made it back in at 9.

Drew laid in the shots until Mike Chioda pulled him off. European uppercut by Drew for 2. Hardy was put in a hold, but Hardy got out before blocking a corner charge. Hardy went up top, but was cut off. Drew with headbutts before hitting something of a Michinoku Driver off the top for a 2 count. Drew worked Lardy over in the corner. Hardy hit some shots, but was downed for another 2 count. Another chin and arm lock by Drew, stretching the shoulder. Fatt Matt (who was wearing a vest for the match to cover his now bulbous gut) kicked his way out, but McIntyre stayed on top. Indeed, he put Hardy on the top rope and hit a back superplex for another 2 count, with Hardy grabbing the rope before sliding out the ring as we took a break.

Hardy worked his way out of another hold as we came back. Drew drove Matt into the corner, hitting some clubbing forearms to the chest, following with a short clothesline. Drew seemed to target the head and neck of Hardy, in a nod to earlier in the feud, but Hardy came back with a neckbreaker for a 2 count. Hardy hit a surprise Side Effect for a 2 count. The clothesline in the corner saw the following bulldog pushed off. Drew hit a big boot for a close 2 count, which sent Drew mad. he hit a stiff looking neckbreaker, snapping the neck off his knee for another 2 count.

Drew looked for the Futureshock, but Hardy managed to backdrop him over the top to the floor. Hardy then jumped off the apron with a back elbow to the back of the head. However, Drew sent Matt into the steps. He looked to stomp the head on the steps as he did before, but Matt was playing possum and swept the legs, dropping Drew back-first onto the steps, which looked like it blew the big one. Back in the ring, Hardy picked up a 2 count. Drew picked up another close 2 count off a move I missed. Drew got a look in his eyes, but Hardy snapped off a Twist Of Fate for the win.

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7.5/10 - A good, intense match that told a really good story with Hardy just not giving up. Hate to think that after all this build though, this is the blow off, because it sure as hell seemed like it to me.
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As Fatt Lardy celebrated and Drew lay in the ring, the arrogant Long popped up on screen to announce that Drew's visa expired and McIntyre was in the USA illegally. So security send Drew back to Scotland. Drew screamed for Mr. McMahon, before yelling at Matt Striker that Vince wouldn't have him deported and that he wasn't going anywhere. So basically, after giving Drew the most heat he's ever had last week, they cut the legs out from under, jobbing him out to an out of shape dingus and seemingly firing him. Wow. Sorry dear leader Guttman, but Drew is quite clearly being buried by someone.


Adidas Star Wars advert

So he thinks he's cute and sexy. He thinks he's got look to drive girls wild. Have I not heard this somewhere before?
Cody Rhodes and his NXT rookie, Husky Harris came out the ring, as the announcers noted Striker's recent beatings at the hands of the pair. Cody started to talk about how good he looked, calling his looks natural, and claiming to be WWE's most attractive superstar. He mentioned a wwe.com poll of the Divas, where Cody won. And hey, let's take a look at Husky Harris. Unfortunately, Husky represents the average male. The crappy tats. Dirty hair. Sorry dude. Get to steppin'. Cody said his look couldn't be genetics. Have you seen his family?!?! Sometimes a blessing can be a curse. He left the ring and started making fun of audience members, before moving along to Todd Grisham and TONY THE CHIM~!. Cody's not had a carb since Bubba Clinton was president. Tony's not had a doughnut since, when? The opening match? Cody thanked the Divas and praised their taste. Cody lounged on the top turnbuckle, a la early-HBK, as he called himself sexy and suave. He said he should be in Money In The Bank and from now on should be referred to as "Dashing" Cody Rhodes. He repeated his new name over and over in a variety of styles and tones.

We cut backstage to see Vickie admiring her picture of Dolph when the real thing walked in. However, Mr. Ziggles wasn't happy. This was supposed to be a two-way street, but he just keeps giving and giving. He wants gold. Specifically an IC Title match. Wow. Aim big, Dolph! Not interested in taking Rey out, huh? He told her to make it happen and left.

Kelly Kelly def. Rosa Mendes in an "And Savannah was the one who got cut..." match
Rosa was already in the ring, skipping rope. Kelly came out with MRS. DREW McINTYRE~!. KavaLayCool came out, with Kaval still wearing the pink shirt from NXT, as they headed for commentary, which prompted Rosa to skip rope again. The match opened with Kelly hitting the K2. Oh wait. It ended right with that as well. OK then...

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1/10 - 1 mark for one move. That said, for the 10 seconds they got on commentary, LayCool were great and Rosa jumping rope will send my off to my dreams a happy man tonight.
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Kelly started skipping rope before throwing it at LayCool. They made to attack, but when Tiffany got in the ring, they backed down and held up their belts.


K'naan - "Wavin' Flag"

We sent it to a recap of how Jack Swagger took Big Show out. That said, they pretty much ignored the ten minutes of ass kicking Swagger took beforehand. Also, Striker worked in his first Morrissey reference I've noticed since his days on ECW!

We then cut to a promo for the incoming Alberto Del Rio, who is/was Alberto Banderas in FCW, who is/was Dos Casas Jr. who is the son of Mexican legend Dos Casas. He was in a nice house, reading a book. He said that people talk his attributes, such as honesty. A quality all men are borne with but hey lose it quickly. A baby cries because it's hungry. But as they grow, so do the lies. A liar is a despicable person. Some of you lie more than others, but you're ALL liars. Only one man does not lie. Refuses to. Only one honest man, Alberto Del Rio. That's cool. A Latino is coming in and he's not likely to mention Eddie Guerrero every five minutes.

Speaking of which, the announcers talked about Rey Mysterio's title win, saying he'd be on the show next week. You'd think they'd have him on this week and allow him his holiday next week. But hey, whatever works.

Kane vs. CM Punk went to a No contest in a "RUN FORREST PUNK! RUN!" No DQ match
Punk came out by himself. He got a mic to say that he only had one thing to say, that being his was the face of an innocent man. And for once in wrestling, someone with only one talking point made one talking point. Kane came out after the break, and again, this was a pier-sixer from the start. It spilled outside quickly as Kane worked Punk over, tossing him into the dasher boards. He was driven into the side of the ring and then dropped on the guardrail. Luke Gallows ran out, but Kane took care of him as well. The masked SES member ran out to the ring, topless, I might add, but was taken care of as well. Serena covered him as a distraction, allowing Punk & Gallows to attack. The three men worked Kane over. Gallows and, well, let's face it, Joey Mercury, sent Kane into the guard rail hard. But when Punk was whipped in, Kane backdropped him over into the timekeeper's position. Kane despatched with the SES before slamming Punk's arm off the announce desk and steps. He then pulled on the arm around the ringpost.

Kane cleared the announce desk. The SES tried to come back, but Mercury took a chokeslam on the floor. Gallows saved Punk from going through the desk, but he ended up chokeslammed through it himself. Punk took off through the crowd, with Kane giving chase. It ended up in the concourse, as Punk made for the door. Punk was scoop slammed through the merchandise table before being tossed into some food. Things ended up outside as Punk ran for his life. Kane stood at the door as Punk ran off across the road and as far away as possible as the show ended.

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6.5/10 - A beating that will likely lead somewhere. Still feels like a place-holder for the real feud which is Kane & Taker. Novel finish. I mean, given how it was a No DQ match, it blew, but it was different since we don't head outside every week, and it made sense to Punk because he had no backup left and didn't want to take the beating.
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OVERALL - Some good, some not so good. Let's start with the no-so-good. Now, I know I play the jingoistic thing with Drew McIntyre and he's Scottish and Long's a douche for insulting his Scottishness and all that. Har Har. but it makes little sense to me to have Drew reach a real zenith with his heat last week, only for him to then be screwed out of the title by the babyface Gm on Sunday, which he undeniably was. Drew had a three count on the cards, but Long chose not to count, even though he's supposed to be the nice guy doing things right. And instead of it being fixed, or at least Drew getting heat back since he got shafted, they screwed him again by having Hardy kick out of everything, hitting one move to win and then seemingly getting rid of the guy and suggesting that nothing would be done to save him since Vince was beaten by the NXT guys. So they cut the legs right out from under him and he has little chance of coming right back and getting the heat back.

Also, for me that wasn't so hot was giving Rey THIS week off. I get that he was given a holiday and then asked back when Undertaker went down (although it was his fault). But he really should have been on the first show after he won the title. Even if it was just a quick celebratory promo. That just irked me.

Now, what I did like was most of everything else. I liked the opener, as they finally made Swagger look like a threat. Funny how he lost the title first, huh? But Show certainly put him over as someone who could take the title back. I hope this "killer" Swagger continues. Cody Rhodes cut the promo of his career so far and gave those who had yet to see it a taste of the speech he gave for his father at the Hall of Fame. Certainly an interesting twist for him. And I liked the main event. Since Kane has no proof it was Punk, since it will eventually be that it was Kane himself, the lack of evidence presented didn't bother me, and as I said earlier, the match had a nice flow and made sense.

But overall, a very decent show.