Smackdown
Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Edge Flips Out And Goes Over The, Well, Edge...
By Aaron Wood
Jul 4, 2008 - 7:08 PM

Hey there, everyone! I'm not going to do a big huge intro, but JG wanted me to help spread the word of this week's 3:10 Countdown. It's gonna have Guttman, Zah and what has been described to me as a "big INTERNATIONAL guest". Last time, JG surprised with Zah with Bull Buchanan. I can't wait to find out who it is... As it goes, I'll be having my own audio up at some point over the weekend.

LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Mark Henry fed MVP to the bigger wolves, Vladimir Kozlov took Deuce's place and there were 2 World Champions. How many will there be this week???

THIS WEEK…
YAY! Some new opening credits! Well, not THAT new, just reflecting the draft. But no recap of Edge's World Title loss? BOO! JR & Foley welcome us to the show and note a Fatal Four Way for the US Title. On July the 4th! THE IRONY!

What? He's not getting his mandatory rematch? He fancies beating HHH instead?!?!
MVP will be in that match, but here he is now for some VIP Lounging. What do you think he'll be this week? A babyface? A heel? Neither? Well, he hits his usual spiel before saying this July 4th will start with a bang as his guest is someone that is pretty good, what with his 12 Title and all. He's the Cerebral Assassin or the King Of Kings, but he's being introduced as The Game, HHH. What a babyface-like way to introduce him...

And indeed, he came out to his "Game" music. That said, one Motorhead song blends into the other at this point. I'm still waiting for the day "Ace Of Spades" gets played by accident. The Gameboy made his way to the ring and made his first full entrance as a Smackdown guy for six years.

AND STILL NO WORD OF EDGE!

JR put over himself noting he started his career in the same place. Foley almost mentioned Edge's title loss as he wondered what things would have been like if HHH had lost. As it goes, MVP congratulated him. And hell, they're using the couch! MVP put him over and told the crowd to cheer. He then officially welcomed HHH to Smackdown. MVP put over the greatness of his segment. HHH said he watched Smackdown every week when he was on RAW and he was a big MVP fan. A class act. The suits. The Shows. The Bling. Even the Power Ranger outfit he wrestles in! Man, that's a dated reference these days!

MVP noted that his attire was cutting-edge technology. HHH then made a WELLNESS JOKE, thinking MVP's attire might be a performance enhancer. MVP fired back that he might have made HHH jealous since he makes more money than H does. HHH said he'd rather keep his 12 titles rather than the biggest waste of money in Smackdown history.

However, HHH didn't come out to get in a fight. And HHH even brought some special footage for us all to see. They argued about who called for footage to be played. Eventually MVP did and FINALLY we got a recap of Edge's World Title loss on Monday night to CM F***ING PUNK!!!!! We didn't see the whole segment, but the end of Edge's speech to the greatest GTS ever. They certainly put it over as a HUGE deal here. And for good measure, they included footage of JBL's title shot and the ruckus that ended that match.

We cut back to HHH and MVP watching like they were at the cinema. HHH said Edge got "Punk'd". They then traded Punk puns. A regular Abbott and Costello! At that point, Vicki Guerrero made her presence known, although she seemed to have wheeled herself out. She said she had heard enough to these shenanigans. HHH said he had looked forward to meeting her, congratulating her on the wedding. HHH noted that Edge was a genius for marrying the boss! Who would have thought of doing that?!?!?! But if the stress gets too much, why don't Vicki & Edge just go to Vegas? He knows a place and she didn't have to conscious! It's all good!

Vicki said there were things that Edge had accomplished, but the crowd gave her BIG heat before she could say what they were. She eventually noted that Edge had defended his title every time he faced Batista. And then there was that time he banished Undertaker from WWE. HHH ain't doing that. HHH said he wouldn't have done that, but looking at Vicki there were things Edge had "done" that he wouldn't, insinuating that Vicki was on the larger side. MVP tried to jump in with a quip, but Vicki cut him off, saying Edge was due in and he wouldn't be happy.

Oh, and Hunter, the Great American Bash is in a couple of weeks and HHH has a title match. And he's be losing to Edge. She cackled and thanked them for their time as we cut to break. It might just be because I'm nicely toasted, but I thought HHH was the greatest thing ever here.

We came back as we saw the new Divas Title on a podium in front of the announce desk. F***...It's HIDEOUS!

Michelle McCool def. Victoria, Kelly Kelly, Maryse & Cherry in a "Oh Vicki never picked someone after all..." Golden Dreams match
Natalya Neidhart, with some new red hair, came out to the ringside area to watch the match, do some commentary and hardly believe at the piece of crap she was fighting for. Michelle than came out, followed by Victoria, then Cherry and then Kelly Kelly. Again, this was a "Star On A Pole" match. Nattie said her daddy had a red goatee, so she went with the red hair. JR told her not to grow one. They brought up the shirtless Anvil at a PTA meeting story, and apparently he took it off at the meeting. NEEDED TO KNOW!

Everyone spilled outside, with Victoria going after the star, although Cherry cut her off and hit a superplex. Michelle got back in and went for it, only for Maryse to cut her off, dumped McCool out the ring again. Kelly & Cherry gave Maryse an electric chair. This left Victoria, but Michelle pulled her back down by the leg. Cherry shouldered Michelle off the apron before Cherry & Kelly fought over the chance to get the star. Nattie debated Michelle's submission credentials. Victoria threw Cherry down and hit the slingshot leg drop. She then dumped out Kelly Kelly. Michelle got back in and mounted Victoria. Kelly shoved them to the floor. Maryse knocked Kelly down and decided to pose for a while. Michelle kicked Maryse and grabbed the star, making it Michelle & Neidhart facing each other for the belt. That damn belt.

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3.5/10 - A whole bunch of "meh". Someone goes for the star, someone else cuts them off. Lather...Rinse...Repeat... I'm shocked that they are going right to Nattie vs. Michelle, who, as has been reported, have some real legit heat, with Michelle thinking she needs to retain Nattie in submissions. That makes me laugh. However, I thought they'd build up to it, since it's the top match they have in this division.
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We cut backstage to the wedding planner and Vicki when Edge's bitches came in. Vicki wondered where Edge was and what happened on Monday! Dummies 1 and 2 stood there while Vicki berated them, fighting tears. She blamed everything on them and to show it, they'd have a match with Jesse & Festus next.

We saw Edge walk backstage through a throng of people, none of whom could look him in the eye...

JR pimped the US Title match before they talked about the "Moscow Mauler" Vladimir Kozlov, sending it to a recap of his work thus far.

Jesse & Festus def. The Rated Rmy in a "And that's why they are his bitches..." match
However, we would not be seeing Kozlov on this night, as Ryder & Hawkins made their way to the ring. Jesse & Festus came out, with Festus dressed as Uncle Sam. OK... The bell rang and Uncle Sam went...well, he went wild, but after the heels tried to get the jump on them, but failed. As they do. Jesse was tagged in, but when Hawkins caused a distraction, Ryder dropkicked Jesse off the apron. Hawkins came in off the tag, hitting a rolling neck snap for a 2 count. The bald fat virgin (hitherto known as the Michael Clark of wrestling in a reference that only I will ever get but will amuse me no end) pumped the crowd up as Jesse got out of it. However a Russian Leg Sweep scored a 2 count for Ryder.

Back to the neck vice, but Jesse got out and made the tag. Festus worked over Ryder and SMASHED him with a diving shoulder. Festus used Ryder to knock Hawkins off the apron and hit Ryder with a powerslam. The crotch splash (called "Flying Biscuits" by Foley) and the flapjack won the match for the faces.

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5/10 - Basic stuff here to have a little fun with Festus on this particular day and then have the big beatdown by Edge. Oh wait, I haven't mentioned that bit yet. Keep reading...
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However, as Jesse put the goatee back on Festus, the heels attacked Jesse and Edge speared the docile Festus. Edge took off his belt and whipped Festus. But JR didn't say GOVERNEMNT MULE! DAM YOU JIM ROSS!!!! As the Rmy made Jesse watch, Edge got himself a chair before WAFFLING Festus with a totally unprotected chairshot to the head. Ouch. Massive heat from the crowd.

We came back from break to a replay of the end of the last segment. My god, that was good stuff.

We cut to the back with Vicki & Edge. Vicki told him he'd be champion at the GAB, but Edge felt naked. Vicki pointed out what he did on Monday, which was kinda stupid. Hell, she didn't even give him permission to go to RAW. Edgeward went apopletic saying she didn't understand what he had been through. Vicki stood up and said she was still his boss and that he was a fool and he did it to himself!

Next up? A certain young man who saw RAW on Monday, curled up in a ball and cried himself to sleep.

Jeff Hardy def. John Morrison in a "If only Matt could ever appear on Smackdown, we could get him teaming with Jeff against Morrison & Miz... But alas, it'll never happen..." match
And for the first time in a long time, Jeff made his way out as a Smackdown guy. Foley put over how focused Jeff was nowadays. OK... John Morrison came out next, notably unaccompanied by The Miz. JR couldn't decide if Morrison was like Rick Rude or Mr. Perfect. Big Hardy chant as the bell rang. After ducking shots from the other, Hardy shoulder blocked Morrison. Morrison grabbed the arm, into the hammerlock, but Hardy countered. However, Hardy used the rope to flip out of it and sent Morrison to the outside before diving onto him. Mounted punches in the corner by Hardy. Morrison blocked the double leg drop into a pin for a 2 count. LOVELY STUFF! Running knee to the head scored another 2 count. BIG uppercut by Morrison. However, the jumping kick off the ropes was missed. Mule kick by Hardy was followed up with something in the corner. However, Morrison countered and sent Hardy to the floor as we took a break.

We came back with Morrison stretching Hardy six ways from Catillsday. However, Hardy got back to his feet, although the Whisper In The Wind was avoided with Morrison scoring a 2 count from it. Morrison clearly called dibs on Undertaker's apron spots as he kicked Hardy's chest as Jeff was laid across it. Nice stunner-like armbreaker saw John score a 2 count before going back to a submission hold. However, As Morrison worked the Hardy, Jeff surprised him with a rollup for a 2 count. Morrison stayed on top, continuing on the arm. He sent Hardy into the ringpost through the turnbuckles. Morrison went to the second rope, but dived into a sitout powerbomb-like move by Hardy.

Standing 10 count. They both got up around 8. Hardy began to build momentum, scoring a 2 count off a Side Russian and one of his trademark pins. The Whisper In The Wind connected for another nearfall. Hardy went up top again, but Morrison hit a Pele kick (called as such by JR) for a 2 count. Moonlight Drive was blocked, with Hardy hitting the sitout front suplex and then the Swanton ended thing Hardy's way.

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8/10 - FINE MATCH! I really enjoyed this, but I'm betting you kinda expected me to. But yeah, with the Hardys, Miz and Morrison on the brand, even if they are f***-crazy and don't want to do a tag title feud, we should get some great matches with these four at various points.
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Maria is on Smackdown! Or at least she will be. Some time. In the future. Maybe. Trevor Murdoch got bumped...

Umaga def. Funaki in a "May as well start rebuilding the guy..." match
Well, as Umaga came out, JR said Maria would be on next week. Then out came Funaki, who sure as hell isn't the Number One Announcer any more. Not that he ever was, but you get what I mean. Funaki blocked a corner charge, but then ran into Umaga which didn't end well for our Japanese friend. Funaki got whipped hard into the corners and then was hit with a savate kick. Umaga dragged Funaki into the corner ready for the ass splash. The newly made corpse of Funaki was picked up and given the Spike for the three count. Which Umaga counted in Samoan. Which was nice.

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2/10 - The first thing that flashed into my mind was "I want Kozlov vs. Umaga"...
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Edge was bitching about Vicki backstage when one of the techs approached saying Vicki wanted to see him. Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber looked down as he left. Edge went into the GM office. Edge was annoyed that he was "summoned". Edge said before he came back she wasn't GM and was Teddy Long's lackey. Edge claimed he was the real GM of Smackdown. She pointed out the sacrifices she had made because of him. She started mumbling in Spanish. He yelled in her ear to shut up. Her told her to speak to him in English. So she did. She screamed for him to get out. He did, but decided to try and get back in, but found himself locked out and Vicki was proffering no answer to the door. Edge kicked it and left.

Matt Hardy def. Chavo Guerrero, Ken Kennedy & Shelton Benjamin in a "Paging "Obvious Comeback" to the stage..." match to retain the US Title
We came back as Justin Roberts, thankfully not in white, announced a July 4th Fatal Four Way, with the first guy out the returning Mr. Kennedy. And for what seems like the first time in a long time, he cut a in-ring promo with his ceiling microphone. He said that he might come from Green Bay, but he's come "home" (I think he means Smackdown), and boy, was the promo over... Shelton was next and oddly enough, I just yawned. Chavo was next and I legit yawned again. Matt was next and last, I think the booze is just making me tired, since I know can't stop yawning. It's like listening to a Bulldog audio. Plus, so much for Edge promising to banish Hardy last week...

The four paired off. Kennedy slammed Shelton and Chavo was suplexed onto him. Hardy & Kennedy locked up. Kennedy hit a lovely roundhouse spinning kick to Matt before he whipped Chavo into the corner. He clotheslined Chavo & Matt in their corner, but was met with a big kick by Shelton. Backbreaker to hardy, but Chavo reeled off a spinning headscissors on Benjamin. Chavo then countered a powerbomb into a sunset flip. There were a few 2 counts with various guys before Kennedy & Hardy slammed the heels down with signature moves. The faces then clotheslined each other down as we took a break.

We came back with Kennedy working over both Chavo & Shelton while Hardy was on the outside. Back drop to Chavo scored a deuce for Kennedy. Hardy climbed up top, but Kennedy cut him off hard. They then hit a TOWER OF DOOM~! with Benjamin as the other man, hitting the powerbomb. However, it was Chavo that scored a pair of 2 counts on the victim. Exploder suplex by Benjamin saw another 2 count. Neely put Chavo's foot on the ropes and Benjamin went after him. Chavo went for the Three Amigos, hitting 2, sending Hardy into Benjamin and then hitting the third. Despite Kennedy's attempts to prevent it, Chavo hit the Frog Splash on Matt. Kennedy broke up the pin though. Kennedy was dumped to the outside, but Hardy surprised Chavo with a Twist Of Fate. He made a cover, but got up when he saw Shelton coming. Benjamin was dumped back out. Hardy re-covered, but this time saw Kennedy coming. Kennedy then got dumped out onto Bam Neely. Then as Shelton came in, Hardy gave him the Twist Of Fate, with Shelton landing on Chavo. Hardy then covered Chavo for the three count.

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7/10 - Very decent stuff, although it was more a collection of nice spots than it was a match with any real story or psychology to it. But certainly, as a bunch of spots, fine stuff.
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So I rented my tux for nothing?!?!?!
We came back to see Edge making his way out to no music as JR lamented Edge's bad week. He got himself a microphone device but had to wait for the crowd to quieten down. He said this would be his only statement about what happened to him on RAW. He claimed to be the victim of 2 cowardly attacks. First Batista and then by CM Punk, with the latter costing him his title. he called it cowardly. It wasn't a match, shouldn't have happened and that he was a victim. He said it was totally unfair. The only solace he had was that he would beat HHH at the GAB and win another title and be WWE Champion for a 3rd time.

But it has been the most difficult week of his life. He said he felt disrespect from the second he walked in, and claimed to have had no support form anyone. Hawkins & Ryder. He gave them everything and they should be tripping over themselves, but they've done nothing for him. Which about the same as what the crowd had apparently done. Nothing. He said he stood out there alone, but he would battle through it, because that's what he did. Damn, Edge is awesome.

He said he hadn't received the support of the person who should be there the most. The "love of my life" (with quote marks action added), Vicki, but no, she locked him out of her office. That should tell you everything about Vicki. He said he had some dirty little secrets to share if we wanted more, but Vicki appeared on the stage, standing up as it goes. She yelled in wonderment if Edge had lost his mind. She wanted to know what he was doing. What was he doing? Good question...

He got out the ring and walked up the aisle to the stage. He told Vicki that he had one more statement to make...

THE WEDDING IS OFF!!!

Vicki screamed and broke down (as well as throwing her engagement ring away) as the show ended. Christian would have proud of the hissy-fit.

OVERALL - 7/10 (- 0.5 on last week) - Very decent show this week. A slight notch down on last week, but there was a couple of good matches here and I throughly enjoyed the trauma of Edge's life. God knows where they're going with it though. But I suppose we shall find out next week!