Smackdown
Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Kane Plays Bad Cop/Willing To Wait A Week For An Alibi Cop
By Aaron Wood
Jul 9, 2010 - 6:05 PM

Hey everybody! Just wanted to say hello. May have a new audio this weekend. Got one planned, but time is tight. That said, I had my last day of work today, so there will be time next week. But I wanted to note what this week's videos are about. Have you ever wondered about what comedians talk about while just in a group? Well, it is something a little like a new show on Showtime in the US called "The Green Room", and is "hosted" by noted comedy director Paul Provenza (he directed "The Aristocrats" for example). Basically there's four comics of note, sitting round and just talking.

This is the trailer for it:


What follows is a clip from the 5 episodes already aired. It's on Thursdays at 22:30 EST on Showtime.

LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: All of Vickie's men failed her, Christian & Hardy developed a McIntyre complex, Cody Rhodes didn't need Josh Matthews and Jack Swagger was told he's taking on the entire city of San Diego...

THIS WEEK…
We kick off this week with Jack Swagger's recent Ankle Locking exploits. After the credits, The Legend That Is Todd Grisham announces that Big Show wants some more of Swagger tonight.

What a thoroughly unpleasant person Teddy Long keeps turning out to be...
We send it to DREW McINTYRE~! who is once again in the good ol' US of A. However, before he can speak, he's rudely interrupted by Teddy Long, whose jacket was of the sort that looked like it was made out of a tablecloth. Long wondered why Drew was here, given what was happening last time we saw him. Drew admitted his visa expired but his citizenship issues had been resolved. But their relationship hadn't. Drew said on his flight home, he realised that he had wronged Long in many ways, but it wasn't too late to say he was sorry, which he was.

Long called him a lair, claiming that Drew didn't have Vinny Mac in his back pocket any more and he was now on the same level as everyone else. Drew agreed, but he said he also wanted "Mr. Long" to know he was being nominated by Drew to go into the Hall Of Fame next year. Wrestlemania 27 would be huge for Atlanta. Imagine it. Getting his HOF ring in his hometown while Drew main events as World Champion. Long said it would be a big week, and he would love to be inducted in the Hall Of Fame, and indeed, Drew could be champion, but he'd have to win the Smackdown MITB match first. But there was just one thing Long wanted him to do. Get on your knees and beg. Long replayed him having to do something similar, although that was because he was being made to truly apologise. This treatment of Drew is just degrading. I thought Long was a better man than this.

Because he is a man of honour and integrity, Drew did as commanded, getting on his knees. He was then FORCED to tell Long that he was "the most handsome, debonair, high class, sharp-dressed and intelligent". The most "handsome, debonair, high class, sharp-dressed and intelligent" what, Long didn't say, mainly because the man is truly an egotistical idiot who can't even remember to finish a sentence even though it's being repeated back to him, but he did want Drew to add that he felt privileged to have Long as his boss. Drew was allowed to get back up, but Long still wouldn't put him in the Money In The Bank match. F**king ingrate. Acts like the lord of all he sees. Degrades his talent, and still doesn't do what he tacitly promises to do. He really does deserve to be fired. Long said he would have to beat a man he doesn't have much luck with to get in, Kofi Kingston. Striker very much agreed with me as Teddy smugly walked off with a big smug grin on his smug peanut-shaped face.


Episode 1: Eddie Izzard, Larry Miller, Drew Carey & Reginald D. Hunter

Dolph Ziggler def. Chavo Guerrero & MVP in a "Chavo is in the match, and yet, he's not the one beaten?!?!?!" Triple Threat match to qualify for the Smackdown MITB match
Vickie came out with Dolph, and actually sat in on commentary for this match. As expected, Dolph and Chavo teamed up against MVP in the early going. MVP came back and hit Ziggler with an overhead throw, before whipping Chavo into the corner hard. Double suplex to MVP as Chavo allowed Dolph to pick up a 2 count. Chavo was sent over the top, quickly followed by Ziggler as we took a break. We were back and Chavo was still out until he tripped up MVP from the outside. Back to double teaming. Dolph went for move off the top, but MVP pushed Chavo into the corner, landing Dolph on his lil' Ziggler's. MVP hit a superplex, putting both men down. Chavo was up first and looked at the situation to Vickie's consternation. He pinned MVP for a 2 count, mostly because Chavo took a whole bunch of time to do anything.

Vickie went off mic and yelled at Chavo as he elbow dropped MVP for another 2 count. Ziggler stirred and started beating on Guerrero, yelling at him not to ruin things. However, Chavo came back, hitting the Three Amigos. However, after he hit them, MVP gave him a back drop. MVP worked over both opponents before tossing Ziggler out. Porter hit the BALLIN'~! Elbow (tossing Ziggler out again just before doing so) and then the Play Of The Day. However, Vickie pulled the referee out of the ring. This distraction allowed Ziggler to come back in and lock on the sleeper. MVP passed out (really quickly actually...), meaning Mr. Ziggles advanced.

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6.5/10 - Decent match, with an obvious story. And it gets Ziggler into the MITB match, although that just begs the question why he didn't win a non-title match last week and be in the MITB match while feuding with Kofi for the title.
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Like last week, they replayed the previous week's vignette from Alberto Del Rio. You know, the one about inspiration.

I almost know how Rey feels...
We came back to see a maudlin Rey Mysterio backstage in the trainer's room with Josh Matthew and a doctor. Rey had his ankle bandaged up. As it goes, I have a bit of a dodgy ankle that sometimes goes out from under me, and indeed, I fell over outside of work the other day. Normally these things go away after about 15 minutes with only slight swelling. As of right now, it's still mildly swollen and there is a actually a near perfectly circular bruise round my ankle bone. Anyway, back to the wrestling-related ankle injury. The doctor said that he had some ligament tearing, with some medical jargon.

Rey said he was in a lot of pain, when suddenly, Jack Swagger burst in and ordered everyone out. Swagger went for Rey, putting on the Ankle Lock, dragging the little guy out of the room. Rey tried to grab things as they passed them, begging Swagger to let go, but Swagger kept dragging him. He also rammed Rey's knee into the floor for the hell of it. He let go, but then saw the curtain, so after swinging Rey into a wall, he locked the hold back on again and pulled him out into the main arena, by the side of the stage. EVENTUALLY (because this did seem to go on for a while), Big Show came out and ran Swagger off, allowing the medics to check on Rey.

A replay of what literally just happened led to a clip from during the break which saw Big Show carry Mysterio to the back like he was his newborn son.


Episode 2: Roseanne Barr, Bob Saget, Sandra Bernhard and Patrice O'Neal

The Gatecrashers def. Matt Hardy & Christian in a "Well, kinda not Christian..." match
As the babyfaces came out, we saw what happened last week between Christian and Hardy. Hardy & Hawkins started things off, with Hardy winning things early, working the arm. however, when Archer tagged in, they hit a double teaming splash on Hardy in the corner to take over. Archer hit a belly to belly for a 2 count. Hardy blocked a charge and hit a tornado DDT out of the corner.

Hardy went for a tag, but Christian took the arm. Now, what I suspect was supposed to happen is that when Christian then dropped down off the apron, it was supposed to snap Hardy's arm on the top rope. However, what actually happened, whether they meant it or not thanks to Christian misjudging the amount of weight Fatt Lardy has accrued in recent times, Hardy ended up tumbling over the top to the floor. Christian walked away as the announcers immediately jumped over it with regards to it being every man for themselves in the MITB match, and allowed Striker to get in a PAPA SHANGO~! name check...

Archer brought Hardy back in, hit him with the Inverted DDT, which was followed by Hawkins's flying elbow for the win.

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5/10 - Short and largely meaningless, outside of putting over the idea that MITB is every man for themselves. Which has been rather established a lot this week already.
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Drew McIntyre def. Kofi Kingston in a "Well, there goes my MITB idea..." match to qualify for the Smackdown MITB match
Kofi went for a early pin, but Drew was out quick. Kofi indeed gained the upperhand early, locking on a side headlock. He got pushed off, but hit a crossbody on Drew for a quick 2 count. Drew rammed Kingston's head into the mat for a pair of very quick pins before locking in a headlock. Kofi ducked a clothesline and hit a monkey flip as I realised that since the MITB case was in the air, they had a light on it, which they kept on it, which was then visible in the hard camera shot as if God had returned to the WWE ring.

McIntyre began to work over Kingston, hitting a neckbreaker off his knee for 2 count.. He was caught with a backslide for a 2 count on Drew. Kofi caught McIntyre with the pendulum kick, but as he went to springboard in, Drew kicked the rope for a 2 count. We returned as Drew had on an abdominal stretch on the mat. Kofi managed to hiptoss out of it before Drew missed a leg drop. Kofi began to mount a comeback, hitting the double chops. Kofi looked for the SOS, but Drew blocked it and took Kofi into the corner, before putting him on the top rope. Kingston fought back and hit a splash to Drew's back as he was bent over.

Kofi hit the Boom Drop and called for the Trouble In Paradise, but Drew avoided it, although Kofi sprung back the way with a spinning heel kick for a close 2 count. Kofi was whipped into the rope and hit with a back elbow. Drew then took Kofi and hit something very much akin to an Inverted Alabama Slam, swinging Kofi over his head, but face-first. McIntyre picked up a close 2 count from that himself. The Futureshock was avoided, as was Kofi's DDT attempt, as was Drew's Big Boot. However, Kofi's dropkick connected and sent Drew out. Kofi then hit a suicide dive on McIntyre.

Both men managed to break the count in 9. As Drew was lying on the apron, Kofi went for the Boom Drop on the apron, but Drew pulled him by the trunks into the corner. He then grabbed Kofi for the Futureshock and hit it for the win, meaning Drew was now in the ladder match, and the field was complete.

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8/10 - This was probably the best match the pair have had. Kofi had a good night, not visibly, to me anyway, badly buggering up anything of note. That said, based on last week's Peep Show, I wanted the booking to be that at the PPV, it was down to Christian and Matt only for Drew to run out in his return, lay them out and win the case, with them revealing on Smackdown that McMahon had placed him in the match that night.
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Episode 3: BRENDON BURNS~!, Dana Gould, Andy Kindler and Andy Dick

The announcers sent it to last week as Serena 'fessed up to her drinking to prove that Punk didn't attack The Undertaker.

We saw Rosa doing some step aerobics as Punk & Gallows walked past. They watched her for a moment before moving on.

Back to Alberto Del Rio for his new promo of the week. This week's theme was his intelligence. He was a smart guy and had a small glass of wine to prove it.

Sorry always seems to be the hardest word.
Punk and Gallows were getting in the ring as we returned to the ring. Gallows opened saying that last week we saw a side of the SES we weren't supposed to, before calling out Serena. She came out saying it had been the hardest week of her life. She told Punk he was more than just her leader. He was everything to her. And last week she made a mistake, when She allowed herself to get drunk.

Again? I mean, the video we saw of her getting drunk was clearly dated May 31st, and unless I've fallen through a crack in time, last week wasn't May 31st. And if it was, I'm off to place many, many wagers on sports. She also made a mistake in defying him. But he had to know why she did last week. She did it to save Punk and protect him. So what are we talking about now? The drinking that was apparently last week or showing the video of her getting drunk? Serena said Kane was out of control and she didn't know what she would do if Kane destroyed him. She begged his forgiveness.

Gallows called her pathetic, saying Punk wouldn't forgive her. He was sick at the thought of her as a sister. I can only assume from that that Luke has been thinking of her while touching himself in the happy place. He said when they found her, he wanted to kick her out. However, it was Punk's decision, and he made him see the bigger picture. Serena was supposed to set an example for the world's women, but Serena ruined it. Gallows said if she was sorry, she'd leave the SES forever.

Punk grabbed the mic and talked about the only good thing said so far was that it wasn't Luke's decision. He teased that he was annoyed with Serena, but turned to Luke, you see. Punk said that he forgave Serena, annoying Gallows to the point where he left. Serena promised Punk she could never explain what he did for her and promised not to fail her again. Punk told her not to before they hugged it out.

See, CM Punk is a man of class and integrity. Someone apologises to him and he's a big enough man to accept that apology. Teddy Long is genuinely apologised to and he acts like a douche.


Episode 4: Paul Mooney, Bobby Slayton, Jim Jeffries and Rain Pryor (Who is you don't know is the wonderful daughter of Richard Pryor)

Commercial for the WWE Best Of 2010 magazine, and who is in it? Only none other than JAMESON!!!! I should note it was an ad along the lines of learning a bunch of WWE fact and he was something like #121.

"Dashing" Cody Rhodes def. JTG in a "He's still not running anywhere..." match
Cody came out first with a brand new entrance. His new music was something not unlike from a cheesy 80's aftershave advert. However, that wasn't the best bit. On the Mini-t Tron, they put up a picture of a mirror, but beside it, we saw a shot from the mirror's point of view with Rhodes posing in the "Digital mirror". I can't do it justice in words. It's awesome.

JTG got a pair of armdrags to start until Cody tied himself up in the ropes. Cody backed JTG into the corner, but missed a clothesline. JTG teased the Mug Shot, but Cody ducked under his legs and slammed him down. Cody worked over JTG. European headlock by Rhodes was quickly gotten out of. JTG began a comeback, hitting a clothesline, but his corner charge was blocked and Cody hit a front suplex to cut him off. JTG scored with a Goldust-like uppercut, but Cody grabbed him and hit a CrossRhodes for the win.

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4/10 - Acceptable match, although if they were in any way serious in following up Rhodes off his good performance in the main event last week, I'd have expected a more one-sided match.
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Backstage, Josh was with Kelly Kelly. She spoke about her upcoming Women's Title match, but Layla came in and mocked her. She said Kelly must be excited, and wondered if she was training like Rosa. Layla then said the only she'd lose is if she passed out from Kelly's odour. She went to spray Kelly, but K2 knocked it out her hand and grabbed her. However, Michelle McTaker attacked from behind. LayCool mauled her before leaving. A couple of referees and Tiffany ran in a day late and dollar short.


Episode 5: Robert Klein, Jonathan Winters and Rick Overton

We recapped what happened to Rey earlier before cutting to Josh & Big Show. Show was visibly upset in anger. He cut Josh off and said that he was the first to get the ankle lock and hasn't felt pain like it before. Swagger wanted to hurt people, and Rey was suffering right now. Swagger came the closest to making Show's bones break, but he was 100% tonight. If Swagger wanted to make people suffer, then tonight, he'd put some fear in Swagger and make Jack suffer. Really good intense promo from Show there.

Big Show & Jack Swagger fought to a Double Countout in a "And to think, he might have gotten away had he chosen not to leave that way..." match
As you can probably guess, Show was all over Swagger like oil on an American coast in the early going. He pulled Swagger's strap down for the chest chop. Show whipped Swagger into the corner before hitting a running ass splash in the corner, following up with a running shoulder block that rolled Swagger over and out of the ring as we took a break. Show went to grab Swagger to bring him back into the ring, but Swagger dropped Show on the top rope and rammed the ankle into the ring post. However, when Swagger went for the ankle lock, it was kicked off with such force, it sent Swagger out. He ran back in the ring only to get shoved out again. Big Show left the ring and the two fought (well, it was mostly Big Show on offence) in the aisle and up the ramp as they were both counted out.

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6/10 - Short match. And an odd match, for reasons that I'll get into in a minute.
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Show stalked Swagger at the side of the stage. However, Swagger was able to kick out the leg. He then DDT'ed the leg on the steel grate. Swagger left by the side of the ring. However, as he left, he was grabbed by Kane! Swagger was taken into a red room. Kane accused Swagger of taking out Undertaker. Kane said he proved tonight and the last two weeks that he liked to make people suffer and he made Taker suffer too. Kane said he knew all about pain and suffering. Swagger claimed he had an alibi, just like Punk did. Kane told him to prove it. Swagger said he would next week. Kane afforded him this week and he better make his alibi a good one, because if there's any doubt, he'd be a condemned man. Swagger looked like he was about to wet himself as the show ended.

OVERALL - Good show this week, with some good focus on the PPV. Looking at the main event, what I meant about it being odd was that it kinda put Swagger over, because he was the one to walk away, even after pissing off the big scary giant, which means he keeps his heat, but then again, it was a match where his offence was largely ineffectual and then he was grabbed by Kane and he was made to look like a scared child. I'm not sure if it helped or hindered Swagger in the end. He sure got good heat on Mysterio, but then, when interacting with others, not so much.

Beyond that, build for the ladder match itself. With Dolph and Drew qualifying, Cody picking up a win, although not as easily as one would have thought, and tension between Christian and Hardy. and then there was LayCool getting some heat on Kelly.

I liked the SES segment to an extent, and while I can appreciate that they need something "dramatic" to do while Punk is on the shelf, I don't want them to be fighting between themselves. But I'm at least interested to see where things go from here.