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Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Punk vs. Hardy Again...Just A Different Hardy...
By Aaron Wood
Last Saturday
night, I went to what was my final show of this year's Edinburgh Fringe
Festival, and it was the one I was looking forward to the most. An Australian comic by the name of Brendon
Burns. Now, I knew this show would be
good, nay, GREAT. However, it was just
about the best comedy show I HAVE EVER SEEN.
And if you know me at all, you know I've seen many. I did not stop laughing from beginning to
end, and at one point, almost went off on one of those laughs where you just
end up laughing at the laugh. it got to
the point where I watched comedy when I got home and didn't actually have the
voice to laugh anymore. Hell, I
couldn't laugh properly the following day either!
However, at the back end of last week, I discovered awesomely related to Burnsy, in that he's a wrestling fan. You see, in preparation for the show, I bought his new DVD, Sober Not Clean, and watched it. And then I watched it again with the commentary by a bunch of his mates, most of whom I know as well, and they mentioned that Brendon had a big wrestling collection. Fair enough, I assumed he'd probably be an old fan. But no, he came out for the show wearing not just a Rated-R Superstar beanie, but also a Rated-R Superstar shirt! So given the spurious connection between seeing an awesome show and Burns being a wrestling fan, tonight is BURNS NIGHT! Now it MUST be noted, that these clips contain VERY STRONG LANGUAGE, and contain STRONG SEX REFERENCES. If you are easily offended, please do not click on the videos. But as they are, they are f**king funny as hell. If you want some very funny comedy with a real touch of intelligence, you can pick up either of his DVD releases: So I Suppose THIS Is Offensive Now (This show won Burns the if.comedy award at the Edinburgh Fringe in 2007, and is one of the cleverest shows I've ever seen with an ending that Vince Russo would shoot himself to come up with) Sober Not Clean (This is the name of his 2006 Fringe show, but is something of a mix of "Greatest Hits" and newer stuff, rather than that show, which as it was, was the last in trilogy and talked about him going into rehab) Anyway, on with Smackdown! LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Rey Mysterio & Dolph Ziggler was announced for the PPV...I wonder how that'll turn out..., Drew McIntyre did what all Scotsman do...kick ass..., MNM v3.0 formed and Jeff decided he was better off playing bad music and making web TV shows... THIS WEEK… We kicked off this week's show with a recap of last week's main event and Jeff Hardy's booting from the WWE, ending with CM Punk smacking Hardy upside the head with the shiny side of his belt. We then go to the arena cold where... Visual. Of. The. Week. JEFF HARDY'S MUSIC PLAYS AND HE COMES OUT! The crack camera team pick out various members of the crowd who can't possibly believe Jeff was actually there. Such excitement in young eyes. It was too good to be true, seeing this man with face paint and the vest and the baggy pants and the finger-symbols and such coming out when he just said last week he was gone. However, it was indeed too good to be true, as it became apparent, thanks to the tattoos and black hair, that this was an impostor. Indeed, it was not just any impostor, but a Straight Edge impostor. Cue some shots of some very pissed off kids. That's right, filling in for Jeffrey was Charles Montgomery Punk (the only funny Canadian Bulldog joke ever made). What? You were expecting someone else? Nah, that dude's gone, so just like the little junkies that you are looking for a fix, you better soak this one up, because it's the last time you'll ever see any trace of Jeff on Smackdown. No more stupid face-paint (which he proceeded to wipe off with one of Jeff's magicians hankies), no more stupid armbands, and certainly means no more excuses. Now the Charismatic Enabler is gone, you're wondering who's way was right, and it wasn't Jeff's. Punk now sees how weak you all are. A tech handed him his title so he could say he was a man they could be proud of. A Straight Edge World Champion. He'll certainly never miss a show because of any incidents at an airport. He won't miss a Wrestlemania because he failed a test. Unlike Jeff he's built to last and here to stay, so if you want to emulate anyone. It's the choice of a New Generation, and his name is CM Punk. And then there's The Undertaker. He's a legend, but he's no longer the only icon on Smackdown. He's the back-to-back MITB winner. He retired Jeff Hardy and he's the only Striaght Edge World Champion, so if Undertaker wants to test him, he'll be waiting. C'mon lights...go out! Let Taker appear magically! Hell, Taker's in the building, so bring it. Mano a mano. Nope? Nothing? Fair enough for Punk. He knew Taker's MO, that he lurked in the shadows and played mind games, which is what the people fall for every time. The crowd, rather missing the point, chanted for Hardy. Punk continued on regardless that all the people wanted was the smoke and mirrors. He said he could see the people at home vegging out to Taker's every trick, but unlike us, Punk's head was clear and strong. So at the PPV, there wouldn't be the time for games or tricks. Just 2 icons face to face in a fight, and Punk loved it. Taker had never faced a guy like him before. Punk had no Breaking Point. He had never tapped out at society and it's attempts at peer pressure. He only had one vice. A dangerous vice. More dangerous than anything we were addicted to, but unlike a typical monkey on the back, it more like an Anaconda... Suddenly, Hardy made his way out!!! Again, no Jeff, you chowder heads, but Matt. Matt glared a hole in Punk and charged the ring, and even managed to get a takedown on Punk. They rolled around a little before a bunch of referees came out to break it up, with Punk finally escaping. Tonight, Undertaker comes back to Smackdown. Sure, they may be fibbing about it being the first time since Mania, but really, who really gives a toss? It's as near as makes no difference. We came back to hear that, out of the blue, John Morrison had laid down a challenge to Rey Mysterio for the IC Title, and we'd get it tonight! We cut backstage to see Punk bitching to Teddy Long about Matt's attack. Thaddeus said if he had a problem with Matt, they settle it in the ring. Punk made sure it was a non-title match, before saying he'd do to Matt what he did to Jeff. Interview with Edinburgh Festivals Magazine this year The Great Khali & Finlay def. Kane & Mike Knox in a "I bet Finlay now knows how Hornswaggle feels around normal people..." match Khali & Runjin came out first, as we so happened to see a shot of a kid we saw earlier when "Jeff" came out, and sorry to say for Jeff, but this kid looks just as excited to see Khali as he did for the potential Hardy. We cut back to last week as Kane got himself DQ'ed against Rey before he and Khali engaged in a cane fight. Funny moment saw JR go up in pitch saying "Singh" in time with a cane shot. it was almost as if you imagine JR pulling an "O face" saying it. The confirmed that it would be Khali & Kane in a Singapore Cane match. As Mike Knox came out, we got another PIP-promo from Knox who talked about how the human body shrink and inch or two during it's life time thanks to the compression of bones, no matter how minute or severe. JR wondered if Mike's middle name was "Lecter", as Todd wondered about the levels of diabolical laughter during any Knox/Kane pre-match meeting. OK then... Knox & Finlay started things off, and Lecter took control, hitting a powerslam for a 2 count. Kane tagged in and hit the side slam. However, Kane missed the top rope clothesline, and Finlay tagged in Khali, which made Kane head for the hills, tagging Knox back in. Khali got a swing off on Kane, allowing Knox to get some shots in, but Khali dropped Knox with a boot in the corner and looked for the Vice Grip, but Kane pulled Knox out the ring as we took a break. We came back with Khali & Kane in the ring and the Indian was in control. Big chop in the corner. But Kane got a shot off and tagged in Mike Knox. Khali stomped on Knox in the corner before hitting a big chop. Finlay tagged in and he hit a pair of clotheslines and the ass splash. However, a corner charge was met with an elbow. Finlay went to the middle rope, but Kane shoved him to the floor. Finlay sold the arm, allowing Knox to target in on it before tagging Kane in, to continue working on the left limb. Knox tagged back in and put on a top keylock on the mat. Finlay fought his way back up though and got out of it, although Knox hit his big crossbody for a close 2 count. Kane tagged back in and went to work on the Fitster. Knox tagged back in, but he missed a corner charge. Kane ran in to cut off Finlay, but Finlay low bridged him out. Kane saw Runjin Singh hanging around, so went for him, drawing both Khali and the referee's attention. This allowed Finlay to grab the shillelagh and hit Knox with it in the head for the three count. ---------- 6/10 - This was OK for what it was. Obviously, this was better when it was Finlay & Knox in the ring rather than nay other combination, but as it was, fine enough. ---------- No... THAT'S. Visual. Of. The. Week. We cut backstage to see Teddy Long watching the WCW DVD when Vince McMahon walked in wearing a bright pink suit jacket. Sweet lord. Long pointed out he was in WCW, mostly during it's "Rise". Vinny Mac doubted that somehow, and wanted Long to put it where it belongs (hinting that he wanted Long to shove it up his ass, which is really a great way to promote your product, isn't it?). But anyway, last week. Jeff & Punk. Punk wins. Jeff is outta here. Good stuff, Teddy! (Read as: "You're a retard Teddy, Jeff was making me money!"). And at the PPV, you have Undertaker & Punk in a Submission match. But hey, what's with the dull suit, Teddy? Well, I'm the GM, Vinny. Hey Peanuthead, are you saying I shouldn't be wearing this Pepto Bismol coloured jacket? No sir. Vince reasoned that he could wear a pink coat one day, if he was lucky. You ever been lucky before, Teddy? Teddy said he worked for Vince, which, obviously was a good answer. Vince said he was off to see if he could get lucky. What an entirely odd segment. Clip from "Sober Not Clean" We came back to see the outside of Miz's hometown. Hey, JR, did you know this city have been a bunch of losers since 1964? We cut backstage to see Eve & Maria getting ready for their match by applying make up when Michelle walked in on her crutches, noting they'd always be losers. Michelle said that Dolph wouldn't be able to keep his eyes off someone like her. Hell, he's not banging Maria for her brains, is he? Michelle said Maria was Dolph's flavour of the week. Maria called Michelle egotistical and self-centred, a notion that Michelle agreed with, also noting she was women's champion. Melina stepped in, but Michelle said that she'd have Melina arrested if she touched her. Melina asked Maria about Dolph and his mystery woman, but Maria told Melina to keep her nose out of her business before she and Eve left to, well, I'm sure the mental image I have right now isn't one that either happened or is suitable for publication. John Morrison def. Rey Mysterio in a "Make that Morrison vs. Ziggler then..." match to win the Intercontinental Title The pair shook hands to start, and Rey scored a quick roll up for 1. Morrison got one of his own as the crowd seemed to take Morrison's side early. Morrison won a test of strength, before doing a lucha-like monkey flip spot, but Rey got up on the shoulders and rolled Morrison up for 2. Morrison scored the takedown and side headlock as we saw Dolph Ziggler in the back. Morrison avoided a monkey flip and they exchanged quick counts. Rey scored a drop toehold and La Magistral pin for a 2 count. We had a standoff come break time. We came back as Rey was sent into the corner. Rey blocked a corner charge though and headscissored Morrison and himself out to the floor. Both men just managed to crawl back in the ring at the same time at 9. Rey whipped Morrison into the corner, but the Shaman of Sexy avoided the charge, sending Rey into the ringpost, and allowing Morrison to roll him up for a 2 count. Morrison worked on Mysterio's arm and shoulder. Rey got out and hit a big tilt-a-whirl headscissors, making a cover for a 2 count. Morrison avoided another corner charge and got a sunset flip on Rey, but Rey rolled through and hit Morrison with a kick. Rey looked for a splash after bouncing off the top rope for a 2 count. Rey hit a trio of leg drops for another nearfall. Rey then locked in a headlock of his own, as the crowd again got behind Morrison. Rey let it go and he locked in a Bow & Arrow, but Morrison stood up on it before PERFECTLY mule kicking his way out of the hold. But it only scored a 2 count. Morrison built momentum, hitting a heel kick and the standing Shooting Star Press for a close 2 count. Morrison ran Mysterio out of the ring. Morrison got out and rolled Rey back in for a 2 count. Morrison with the break-dancing leg drop for another 2 count. Johnny Nitro put on a Cobra Clutch on the mat, but Rey fought out of it and scored a roll up for 2, followed by a sunset flip for another one. Morrison elevated Rey out to the apron, but Rey came back with a headscissors, putting Morrison in position for a 619. Morrison was up quick, but Rey flipped out of a back suplex and they hit the other with a flying crossbody, which sent us to another break. Both guys were down upon returning, but Morrison was the one to make a cover, as JR said Morrison had made a comeback during the break. Morrison put on a bodyscissors, but Rey elbowed out of it. Rey telegraphed a backdrop and sent Morrison to the apron before dropkicking him to the floor. Rey then slid through the ropes and hit a headscissors on the floor. Rey rolled Morrison back in this time, and hit a springboard leg drop for a close 2 count. Morrison countered a wheelbarrow bulldog into a facebuster for a 2 count. Shining Wizard knee to Mysterio drew another near count. Rey picked himself up in the corner, but he avoided the corner charge, hitting Morrison with a springboard crossbody for a 2 count. Morrison again went for a sunset flip, only for Rey to again roll through and hit a kick. But again, it only got a 2 count. Rey crawled to the apron and headed up top, but he dived off into a perfectly placed dropkick, but Rey wasn't for being pinned yet. Morrison dragged Rey to the corner, looking for Starship Pain, but Rey avoided it. Morrison landed on his feet, but Rey hit the seated senton before setting Morrison up for the 619. That connected, but Morrison avoided another senton and hit the Flying Chuck. That scored a 2 count. A "This Is Awesome" chant got going as Morrison shoved Rey into the corner. Rey hit an elbow to lock, but Morrison hit a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, before looking for Starship Pain again. Rey was up quick and he blocked the move. Rey went up behind Morrison and looked for a reverse Hurricanrana, but Morrison held onto the top rope, sending Rey crashing to the mat, and allowing Morrison to finally hit Starship Pain for the three count! ---------- 9/10 - I would have gone the whole hog if I didn't have the adverts breaking up the pace and rhythm. But besides that, this was, hands down, despite the awesome stuff Smackdown has been putting on in recent months, hands-down, the ne plus ultra, the apogee, the zenith of all that. This was a genuine contender for MOTY, in my opinion. Not that it would win (Taker/Michaels, it's already been agreed we're all voting for that), but it should be in the discussion. ---------- After celebrating with the belt, Morrison helped Mysterio up to his feet, and the pair hugged before Rey acceded the ring to Morrison. We then saw a bunch of highlights. JR immediately confirmed it was now Morrison vs. Ziggler at the PPV. From the Melbourne Comedy Festival 2009 Gala (This is an extract from his "So I Suppose This Is Offensive Now" show) WWE Smack Of The Night: The smack of Drew McIntyre's boot on R-Truth's head last week. I dunno, maybe Drew thinks that Truth is Kanye West? He deserves a beating. R-Truth came out for a match, but once again, as he hit the ring mid-rap, Drew McIntyre, in dress clothes, ran out and beat Truth up again, hitting the Double-Arm DDT. McIntyre left the ring and got a microphone. he said that last week he was overlooked and decided to make a statement at the hands of the dancing fool. And tonight? He's got a match and Drew's not even on the show. So here's what's happening. He's coming out every week and ruining all your parties until he's recognised for the superstar that he is. Clip from Irish TV show Eve Torres & Maria def. Natalya & Layla in a "So they can do something other than Melina vs. Michelle???" match Eve & Maria came out first, followed by the heels, as we saw the highlights from Superstars as it came down to Eve & Natalya, with Natalya managing to pick up the win after a couple of nice looking moves from Eve. Maria was set to start with Layla, but when Natalya realised that Eve wasn't starting, she tagged herself in right away. She overpowered Maria early, but missed an elbow drop. Maria bumped Natalya in the corner, but Layla caused a distraction on the outside, which allowed Natalya to clothesline Maria on the floor. Back in the ring, Nattie scored a 2 count before locking in a Dragon Sleeper. Maria fought out, but Natalya drove Maria into her corner and tagged in Layla. Layla locked in a headscissors over the top rope before hitting a double axe handle for a 2 count. Natalya came in and they hit a hair slam for a 2 count. Natalya hit a snap suplex for a 2 count before Nattie put Maria's face in Layla's boot. Layla stretched Maria out, quite nicely in fact, but Maria was able to hit a jawbreaker before making the tag to Eve. Eve hit a springboard karate kick into the ring. Eve followed with a sunset flip, but Layla rolled through and hit a low dropkick for a 2 count, as Grisham pointed out Eve was a former LA Clippers dancer and Layla was a former Miami Heat dancer. And they've just signed an Orlando Magic dancer. I think they're trying to collect one from every team... Layla missed a roundhouse kick and Eve hit a bodyslam, before hitting a rolling senton. Natalya broke it up, but Maria took her out of the ring, leaving Eve to hit a handspring moonsault (albeit one that saw her only hit with the legs) for the three count. ---------- 6/10 - Decent enough stuff from the girls. I'm still sure Eve will end up being something in the ring, and her only real fault on the finish was having too long a run up. That's easily fixable. The rolling senton, which looks like it's harder to do, was hit well. ---------- We cut backstage to Josh Matthews, who was with Matt Hardy, who was in his heel ring coat. Matt said Punk would be worried, and should be worried, about Undertaker, but Punk should also be also worried about him. He wasn't after Punk's title, but he did want to take Punk's health, well-being and ultimately, career. Taken from "preview" gigs before this year's Fringe, but is a section from his 2008 show (Note the Rated-R beanie...) ZZ Top hosted RAW. Aerosmith did the theme for Summerslam. And now LYNARD SKYNARD are doing the theme for Breaking Point. Now screams like a new, fresh concept like a track from a band formed in the 60's... CM Punk & Matt Hardy wrestled to a No Contest in a "Well, they did say he was coming back..." match Punk made his way out first, and last week's billing as the "Only Straight Edge Champion In History" wasn't a one-week thing, as he was introduced like that here too. Matt followed and he went right for Punk once the ref got out the way. However, Punk liked Scott Armstrong being in the way, and so ran behind him until he powdered out of the ring. Punk hesitated to get back in the ring, but when he did and Matt closed in, Punk tied himself in the ropes. However, Hardy was finally able to get his hands on Punk, hitting some shots and a clothesline. Hard whip into the corner saw Punk duck out of the ring again. However, a foot race back into the ring allowed Punk to get the jump on Matt until he countered a backdrop with a neckbreaker. Matt choked Punk in the ropes. Matt hit elbows in the corner, but Punk fired back with shots. Hardy was sent into the corner, but he countered Punk into looking for a Side Effect, but Punk hit the Muay Thai elbows to get out of it as JR mentioned, for the first time in FOREVER, that Punk had a submission hold in the Anaconda Vice. Shame he hasn't used it since his ECW days... Hardy cut Punk off up top and he hit a superplex from the second rope for a 2 count. Matt started to sell his stomach, but he hit a couple of elbows. Punk countered another suplex and dropped Hardy on the top rope. He then knocked Matt from the apron as we hit the ads once more. Matt was in an abdominal stretch when we returned, adding elbows to it. Matt was then run into a knee for a deuce. Punts to the gut of Hardy. Punk decided to get a little pay back for earlier by choking Matt in the ropes before locking in a bodyscissors. Matt elbowed out of the hold and then blocked a Punk kick with one of his own. Punk reversed a whip though, sending Hardy chest first into the corner, hard. Punk hit some shots to the gut for another 2 count before locking the bodyscissors back on. Hardy punched at Punk's ankle to work his way out of the hold this second time, but Matt was driven into a corner. Punk with more knees to the gut before back to the abdominal stretch. To get out of it, Matt picked Punk up and dropped him down for a 2 count. Matt was sent across the corners, but Punk missed a charge and his shoulder hit the ringpost. Hardy hit the clothesline and bulldog for a 2 count. Matt went up to the second rope and he hit a leg drop to the back of Punk's head for another 2 count. Matt called to finish, but Punk countered it with a backslide attempt. Hardy flipped him over and got a cradle for a 2 count, but they got up and Punk hit a roundhouse kick to the head for a 2 count. Punk went to apron to springboard in, but he jumped into a Side Effect by Hardy for a near fall. Matt smacked Punk out the ring, but as Hardy dived off the apron, Punk caught him with a kick to the numbers. He then dropped Hardy on the guard rail and grabbed a chair, ramming it into Hardy's gut before hitting a shot to the back. There was no official DQ call made, but let's call it there... ---------- 8/10 - Really good match with a good story told. Matt still looks a bit heavy to me, and he was certainly tired by the end. That said, I did have a problem with the match in that, given how everyone knew Taker was coming back, especially since they barely went five minutes without mentioning his return, everyone had the finish pretty much pegged, in that there'd be no finish. Plus, as I noted, Punk's heading into a Submission match in 9 days time and he hasn't bothered using his submission hold in a few years, and he's going against a guy not exactly known for tapping out. And does Matt Hardy need to be protected in way that calls for a No Decision? I'd have had Hardy tapping out to the Vice (Doesn't have to be clean. Could take a weapon shot) and then have Punk set Hardy up, drawing Taker out for that final spot. ---------- Punk set Hardy up in the chair to Pillmanize the neck, but as he was about to sent Matt into the ringpost, the lights went out and the bell rang. When they came back on, Undertaker was in front of them. Punk let Hardy go, but he ran into chokeslam through the announce desk. We saw a replay or two of the chokeslam, before returning to Taker, as he called for some fire up on the stage, as he stood over Punk to end the show. OVERALL - 8.5/10 (+ 1 on last week) - Great show this week with the 2 main matches delivering in spades, while the supporting cast did their jobs and nothing sucked. I honestly can't think of much else to say other than do what you have to do to get your hands on the Rey/Morrison match, if not the whole show. Aaron has finally has something of a quiet week! Next week though, he has a bunch of stuff on and has FCW to get through... But at least he'll have something to do... You can find him either on Facebook, MySpace (myspace.com/aaron24wood), or on Twitter (twitter.com/aaron24wood). And don't forget to check out the ClubWWI Twitter feed while you're there. Or if you're into gaming, Aaron's Playstation Network screen name is, you guessed it, aaron24wood as well!
Alphabetical Listing of Guests You Can Hear on...
Lance
Cade D-Ray
3000 Bobby
Eaton Manny
Fernandez Greg Gagne Chalie
Haas B.G.
James
Rodney
Mack One
Man Gang Harley
Race Dave Taylor
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