Smackdown
Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Rey vs. Ziggler, Albeit With The Shoe On The Other Foot And The Casket Outside The Ring...
By Aaron Wood
Aug 13, 2010 - 6:33 PM

RIP Lance (Garrison) Cade.

Hey everyone! The last WWE review (that matters) before the NEW FACE OF THE INSANITY arrives this Sunday just in time for Summerslam. I've seen a preview, and boy, it's good. Real good. So good that if I ever fall out with JG (unlikely), want to set up my own website and find my copy of Dreamweaver should it still be in my possession somewhere, then I'll certainly ripping off some of the source code.

Also, as you may or may not know, this is August, and thusly, it's time for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, the largest arts festival in the world. And since I'm only working on one solitary show this year, I'm getting out there to see stuff. Hopefully, I may have a surprise in store soon, but beyond that, I WILL, over the weekend, be updating my old-but-new blog ( http://aaron24wood.blogspot.com/ ) with my own reviews of the shows I have seen and will see. But suffice to say that the four I've managed to see thus far have been f**king crackers. That is to say "Awesome". And since I was stuck for videos this week, I've got videos profiling the stars of those shows.

Suffice to say in some of these videos, there is strong language used, so watch at your own risk, but I would, because they are all f**king funny people.

LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Punk made Serena get on her knees (that said, he got Luke & Joey to do it as well...), LayCool had a break up, Rey didn't so much defend himself as he tried to pass the buck and Matt Striker claimed Justin Roberts was into GILFs...

THIS WEEK…
Get a room...
For the second week in a row, there were no recaps to kick us off, only a rather confused Todd Grisham saying we were starting with Vickie Guerrero. Well, it was her in the ring, wearing an Hawaiian lei. And clothes. It wasn't just the lei. And she introduced Dolph Ziggler, who was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a lei of his own as we saw how Ziggler somehow managed to ass-backward his way to the IC Title.

Vickie said he was mor electrifying than The Rock, had more heart than Bret and sexier than HBK. And he was hers. Mr. Ziggles took the mic and said he had a special person to thank for everything. And that person was, naturally, Vickie. He looked deep into her eyes, making her giggle. She said they were off to Tahiti for a romantic getaway. Kofi Kingston ran out, saving us from any danger of them going at it like a pair of rutting dogs right there and then, and attacked Dolph, taking him down and launching with shots. he hit something of a dropkick through the ropes (that barely connected if at all) after sending Dolph out before referees could contain things.

Teddy Long came out and told the happy couple that they would have to cancel Tahiti as Dolph would be giving Kofi his rematch at Summerslam and as far as tonight goes, Dolph would be facing his old IC Title rival, Rey Mysterio. Vickie got hot, and said that if Dolph was going to work, so was Kofi. and he'd face Kane! Long said Vickie was just the consultant, and she couldn't make matches. However, Kofi said he wasn't a coward like Ziggler, and he wanted Kane. And he wanted him right now. Kofi got back in the ring as the pair left.

We went to Matt and Todd, who talked about the World Title match, sending it to a recap video of the Kane/Rey saga up to and including last week. We saw Kane angrily walk the hall as Kofi waited as we took a break.

Kane def. Kofi Kingston in a "Not a coward, but a loser..." match
Oddly enough, we got NXT's Jamie Keyes doing the ring announcing, which suggests that TONY THE CHIM! was held up at the buffet. Kane looked to gain the upperhand, but Kofi actually forced Kane into the corner for some shoulder rams and then the leaping punches. Kane came back with a sidewalk slam for 2. Kane headed up top, but Kofi cut him off with a dropkick, sending Kane out, before capping things with a suicide dive. Kofi actually went for the Trouble In Paradise on the outside, but Kane moved and Kingston kicked the ringpost.

Kane went to work on the ankle, which Striker noted was also Rey's Achilles heel, so to speak. This includes a nice bodyslam that made the feet hit the ropes. Kofi managed to avoid a charge to the corner, before avoiding another one with a pendulum kick. Kofi slowly climbed up top, but he was chokeslammed down by Big Red. Kane then picked Kofi up and hit the Tombstone for the pin, again Striker noting the symbolism.

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6.5/10 - Fine enough, if fairly short match.
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Afterwards, Kane got on the mic to reiterate the belief that Rey Mysterio took out Undertaker. The guilt was flowing through his veins and desperation was Rey's recourse, and that's why Rey attacked Taker. But he would pay on Sunday. His lies were no match for the Darkside and wouldn't protect him from the darkness that awaited him in the casket. Undertaker found it within himself to say Rey's name. Even in Kane's blackest of moments, he couldn't imagine the pain of Taker's. the pain of knowing he couldn't be what he once was, because if he were there, it would be Taker doing the ass kicking, but for Rey on Sunday, vengeance would be delivered by the devil's favourite demon.

He was about to blow his pyro when Rey came out. Rey said if Kane was the devil's favourite demon, Rey was one of God's humble servants. Rey said Kane had the motive to take out Undertaker. Who found him? Who got all his accusations wrong? Who's been living in Taker's shadow? Who had the most to gain? And Kane's title would be Undertaker's title if he were here. But on Sunday it would be in Rey's hands.


David Strassman (Performing a show called "Duality" at the Pleasance Courtyard at 19:00)

Dashing Cody Rhodes def. Christian in a "To be honest, I'd like to have seen Cody saying "Disappointing" Cody Rhodes over and over again for the giggles..." match
We came back to Christian's entrance, sending things back to a fortnight ago as Drew McIntyre injured Christian's arm. We cut backstage to Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre. Drew was proffering advice, but Cody said it wouldn't be a problem. Drew said that if he didn't beat Christian, Cody wouldn't be "Dashing" as much "Disappointing". This led to Rhodes's entrance. Rhodes went for the arm, but Christian did well to avoid the attacks in the early going, indeed hitting a pescado when Cody was outside as we took a break.

We came back, and by this point, Cody has gained control and was working the arm. Cody hit a hammerlock bodyslam as we saw McIntyre watched backstage. Christian forced a break of a hold by hooking the rope, but Cody hit the kick to the gut, following up with a knee drop to the shoulder for a 2 count. Rhodes put Christian up top, but Triple C fought back and hit a flying crossbody for a 2 count. Christian built momentum, making sure not to use his injured arm. Cody avoided the punch after Christian vaulted outside, since it would have been to the face, but Christian hit a springboard sunset flip from the apron for 2. Cody came back with an Alabama Slam for a close 2 count.

Christian tried the Killswitch, but couldn't hook it in. Cody went for the Beautiful Disaster, but Christian ducked it and scored with a shot to Cody's kisser. Christian hit the reverse DDT for 2 while Cody sold his mouth. the ref pulled Christian back, allowing Cody to hit a thumb to the eye before running Christian's shoulder into the ringpost. The CrossRhodes followed for the win.

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7/10 - Again, perfectly adequate match. Christian was great at selling his arm, and Cody looked strong.
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The Smack Of The Night was the Straight Edge Society destroying Big Show's chokeslam/KO punch/possible "personal time" hand a couple of weeks ago.

Big Show def. Derek Werley, Jody Reese & Fernando Vega in a "" match
Big Show came out with his hand and wrist taped. Not for nothing (and I'm sure the irony was completely deliberate) Show's taped wrist had a white "X" on it. We saw BIg Show's impending victims. One of them looked like Husky Harris after a serious crash diet and major laser tattoo removal sessions. Another looked like the bastard child of Eric Young and Chris Masters and the Latin dude looked like, well, a Latino guy.

At the opening bell, the SES came out, with Punk wearing a shirt that read "I Broke Big Show's Hand". This somehow brought Striker great joy. Suffice to say that Show killed all the dudes in about a minute, with the thin Husky Harris taking the KO punch after the others took chokeslams, with Show pinning him and the Masters/Young creation for the win.

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2/10 - It was what it was. The heels got a win last week, Big Show got one, albeit against scrubs, this week.
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Gallows started on the mic, but Punk jumped in and told him to speak when told to. Punk addressed Show saying he knew the hand hurt and Big Show's pea-brain didn't have the ability to tell the difference between the three ham & eggers in the ring and his sin-free machine. He said that Show would be in a pit and surrounded by the orchestra with Punk, conducting his opus, playing on Show's bones, and the song was called "The Destruction Of The Big Show".


Tim Fitzhigham (Performing "Gentleman Adventurer" at the Pleasance Courtyard (in a f**king boat I should add!) at 19:30)

Matt Hardy walked backstage as Kelly Kelly wished him luck. They really should have had Rosa there for the irony of THAT one.

Drew McIntyre def. Matt Hardy in a "How every Drew vs. Matt match should have in the past and should in the future have ended" match
Hardy came out first, followed by McIntyre. I have to say, you'd probably get this review a little earlier every week if Drew's entrance wasn't so damned awesome. It's the sort of thing you have to watch a few times every week. Hardy, thankfully, kept the vest on this week. But it was still Drew who took control early, until he was clotheslined out the ring. Drew rammed Matt into the guardrail, but Matt countered a charge and elevated Drew into the timekeeper's position. Hardy then hit a Side Effect at ringside. Hardy rolled McIntyre back in the ring before the ref could count him out, but could only pick up a 2 count.

Hardy then hit a neckbreaker for another 2 count. He headed up to the second rope, but Drew cut him off by taking his legs and pulled Hardy out for a short powerbomb. That only picked up a 2 count though. McIntyre locked on an armbar while stretching the shoulder. After breaking out of that, they both tumbled out the ring, where Drew sent Hardy into the steel steps. He sandwiched Hardy's ankle between the ring steps and stomped on them. Hardy took his boot off before getting back in. there was a red stain on Matt's sock, indicating that he was bleeding. That said, Matt being Matt, he probably just screwed up his washing. Either way, he was left prone to the Futureshock for the Scottish victory.

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6.5/10 - Perfectly decent match. Not sure if they're kicking the Hardy/Drew feud back into the gear though. I'd rather they didn't, although with Ziggler as the IC champ, it may be a way to keep McIntyre warm while a heel is running with the title.
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We went to a recap of the build towards the WWE vs. Nexus match on Sunday.


Carrie Quinlan (Performing "Papa's Got A Brand New Wigbag" at the Canon's Gait at 16:55 as part of Peter Buckley Hill's Free Fringe)

The WWE Rewind was Rey Mysterio & Jack Swagger match that ended up in BP's favourite place in the world. It focused on Jack getting sent in by Rey and claiming he would drown while Rey, rather callously, just stood there like a douche. God's servant indeed...

This brought out Swagger, who got on the mic. He said that he saw an arena of people who felt sorry for themselves. But he wasn't like them. His excuses were legit. In the last couple of months, he'd been robbed of his title, thrown into the Gulf Of Mexico, witnessing his father taking a beating from Kane. And now he doesn't even have a title match at Summerslam. It was official. Summerslam had lost it's swagger.

MVP came out to say he understood...that no-one cared about Jack's problems. Not the WWE Universe, the arena, or MVP himself. Swagger wondered what MVP was doing out there. They noted that they did this last year, with MVP noting that a few weeks later, he beat Jack Swagger at Summerslam. Swagger hit MVP with the mic, and the match was seemingly on. MVP was tossed into the barricade as we took a break.

MVP def. Jack Swagger in a "Last year, Summerslam. This year, no Summerslam." match
We came back and the referee rang the opening bell as he made sure MVP was good to go. Naturally, Swagger pounded on Porter in the early going. MVP was whipped into the corner, and while he tried to float over Swagger, he got caught and dropped face-first. Swagger went for the ankle lock, but Montel was way too close to the ropes. Swagger slammed MVP and set him up for the Vader Bomb, but MVP got his knees up on it. He then avoided a corner charge, hitting an overhead throw. MVP built up a head of steam, hitting the facebuster. He looked for the BALLIN'! elbow, but Swagger was up quick and he hit a big boot. However, as he looked for the ankle lock again, MVP countered this time with a roll up for the three count!

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6.5/10 - Once again, fine enough match, but it says something that after the last six months, Swagger is in a match he had last year once again losing to a guy who is lost in the mix.
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Swagger looked on in disbelief at getting caught.

"Dashing" Cody Rhodes had his grooming tip for the week, this time talking to us about earwax and the use of a cotton bud.

And FINALLY after a compilation package of Alberto Del Rio's promos, it was announced he'd debut next week.

Don't know the Summerslam card yet? Well, this was the place and time to find out what some of the matches were. Yours truly will have the "Real Time Stream" as per usual on Sunday. JG mentioned earlier on the forums that the wacky banner he's made for the show is "one of the most disturbing" he's ever done. I shudder to think what the hell he has done.


Brendon Burns (Performing "Ya Know, God N' Love N' Metaphysics & S**t at the Udderbelly at 21:55)

Rey Mysterio def. Dolph Ziggler in a "Thank God this wasn't for the title, eh, Dolph?" non-title match
Mat work to start with the pair getting nowhere, but Dolph whipped rey into the corner hard to take control. Rey scored a roll up for a 2 count. He then got Ziggler with a headscissors and a dropkick for a deuce. Backbreaker by Ziggler picked up a near fall for himself. Rey slipped out of a powerslam, and dropkicked Ziggler into position for the 619, but as he went for it, Kane's pyro blew off, which threw Mysterio off. Kane came out with a casket as everything stopped and we took a break.

Ziggler had a chinlock on Rey Rey as we came back while Kane was standing by the opened casket. Stungun to Rey, before hang his chest rammed off the ring apron. Back to the chinlock for Rey, this time, with Ziggler bridging over to apply more pressure. rey fought his way out of it and then floated over Ziggler in the corner. Ziggler's shoulder was sent into the ringpost, allowing Rey to springboard in with a seated senton and flying bodypress for a 2 count. Ziggler's sunset flip was rolled through and hit with another seated senton (albeit a low one) for another near all. An attempt at the wheelbarrow bulldog was countered and Dolph hit an Electric Chair Drop for a 2 count.

Dolph stalked over Rey, looking for the sleeper, but couldn't get it in. Rey then looked to springboard over Ziggler. Something went wrong and it was messed up, but without missing a beat, Rey locked on his own sleeper, only to be quickly pushed back into the corner. Mr. Ziggles again looked for the sleeper, but Reyt dropped down, sending Dolph into position for the 619. Mysterio went for it, and even though Ziggler cut him off, Rey rolled through for the flash 3 count.

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7.5/10 - Fine TV main event, with enough in there to build to the PPV.
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Kane tried to attack, but Rey fought him off and forced Kane into the casket for a few seconds before Kane dived out of it. The World Title combatants eye-balled each other as the show ended.

OVERALL - Decent show, but not blowaway. Kane & Rey got good wins going into the PPV. I'm not sure about the wisdom of using the guys in the IC Title match and having them both lose, but that sort of thing in mixing feuds up has been done many times before, and neither Kofi or Ziggler were made to look bad in losing.

Beyond that, the McIntyre/Hardy/Christian/Rhodes quartet had more matches that ultimately done mean a whole lot right now, other than building Cody & Drew, and they had a segment for the 3 on 1 match. Don't get me wrong, this show didn't in the slightest suck in any part, but it's blindingly obvious that with the Nexus angle on RAW, all the creative juices are on that brand right now while Smackdown awaits it's SyFy debut next month.