Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Spanglish On Spanglish Violence Never Solved Anything...

Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Spanglish On Spanglish Violence Never Solved Anything...

Hello, my Gathering! Hope you are all well. Good times this week. The little special thing I promised you should happen this coming weekend on ClubWWI.com. That said, other good times had at the Edinburgh Festival this week, especially at a late night show called "Fullmooners" (since it took place on a Full Moon, get it?) where one of the acts on the show just blew my ever lovin' mind. Seriously, when this man was on stage, my jaw just dropped and I had barely picked it up again by the time the show ended. Indeed, the crowd loved it to the point that despite the headliner being a HUGE act, the crowd wanted more of this guy afterwards. I should note that ther eis repeated "strong" language, and maybe not suitable for children and probably not safe for to be watching at work. Although it is an hour long, so why you'd be watching this at work, I don't know. GET BACK TO WORK!!!

That man, if you have never heard of him is Beardyman. And indeed, rather than a bunch of short videos this week, if you scroll down, you will find just one video. It's an hour long and it's his Fringe show from last year. But VERY SERIOUSLY, I URGE YOU TO WATCH THIS MAN. To be seen to be believed... And then don't forget to comment on it or anything else at the bottom of the article on this, the NEW FACE OF THE INSANITY!

LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Punk needs his shirt to remind him of his recent deeds, Todd isn't sure who Vickie is, Drew draws blood (and yet, it doesn't stop his match), and Matt Striker indicates that he's lonely...

THIS WEEK…
Meet the new pretender to the WWE Latino throne
No recaps from Summerslam before the credits, although Striker and The Legend That Is Todd Grisham took us through a still picture recap of Undertaker's return and subsequent beating at the hands of Kane on Sunday night at Summerfest. Kane is going to explain himself tonight, but first off, remember that small Mexican dude that was staring at the lights at the end of the match?

No?

Fair enough. Either way, Rey Mysterio started us off to get some cheers form the crowd in Californ-I-Ay. He started off by thanking everyone for helping him through his Summerslam match. While he didn't win, he didn't end up in a casket. Kane accused a bunch of people for attacking Taker, but in the end, he was looking for hide his own guilt. But the Mysterio name has been cleared. We know who did it, and it was Kane.

Before Rey could prattle on some more on a subject that really no longer concerns him, Alberto Del Rio interrupted (without any big entrance or music, I should note) and said tonight was his debut. He then spied Rey in the ring and acted like he was overjoyed to see him, claiming it was an honour and calling him a Mexican idol. Del Rio said they were both national icons, since he had money and his bloodline was royal. Whereas Rey's blood was from the horrible streets of Tijuana. He said Rey was like the rest of the people, the worm in the tequila bottle. Alberto said Rey was a joke unlike him who was rich, handsome and powerful. Rey made note of Alberto's suit, saying his cousin had cuff-links like Del Rio's. Indeed, he was there when his cuz bought them at a swap meet.

Rey said Del Rio had guts coming out and talking to him. But he really was a nobody who Mysterio had seen a bunch of times, thinking that money meant he was to be respected. But respect was earned, and Rey thought he hadn't gained any respect. Del Rio called Rey a peasant who would respect him or be made to. They made a match for later on, before going at it, with Rey getting the upper hand and hitting the 619 before heading up the aisle.

Over to Dashing Cody Rhodes, who beauty tip for this week was the use of moisturiser.

Kofi Kingston def. Dolph Ziggler by DQ in a "Well, this this was a make good for Summerslam, I can't wait for next week's make good for this week..." IC Title match
The announcers mentioned this match was a "make good" based on Nexus ruining the match at Summerslam. Kofi was on top at the bell, forcing Ziggler out the ring. Ziggler managed to take control slamming Kofi down by the hair, and working a headlock. Kofi booted Ziggler off him in the ropes, but Vickie grabbed the leg to distract Kingston, who Dolph then bumped form the ring as we took a break.

We returned from break with Ziggler in control working the chinlock. Kofi managed to get out with a jawbreaker, but Ziggler recovered first and hit a splash in the corner for a 2 count. Kofi tried fighting Dolph off in the corner, but Ziggler grabbed his legs and pulled him out, hitting the back of his head on the mat. Another Stinger Splash for Ziggler missed, and Kofi scored a cool looking roll up for 2. Double chops and dropkick were followed with a Thesz Press. He looked for the Boom Drop, but Ziggler rolled to the ropes and then kicked him in the head. Kofi avoided the corner charge with the pendulum kick, but as he went up top, Vickie, quite blatantly, in front of the referee shoved Kofi off for the DQ.

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6.5/10 - Fine match until the end I can only believe that they did another screwjob finish because it leads to a stip match at the PPV, since people keep interfering. Probably better than Sunday's match.
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Dolph went to attack the Jamaican Ghanaian, but Kofi got the drop on him, sending him out. Kofi ran into Vickie, who screamed in fear before realising she was untouchable. However, this allowed Ziggler to get the jump on Kofi from behind. He rolled Kofi back in the ring and hit the ZigZag, before locking on the sleeper. Kofi passed out, and Dolph went to leave. However, he went back in and stomped on Kingston's jaw and face, an act that even perturbed Vickie & Dolph's head cheerleader, Matt Striker.

We went to LayCool backstage who were gloating over their beatdown of Melina. However, apparently Teddy Long wasn't happy about it, and Layla said they were going to be punished. Quite why Long would punish them for beating on someone on the other brand, I dunno, but then again, as Drew McIntyre proves, Long isn't the most fair and balanced of General Managers. Indeed, he's the FOX News of GMs. Anyway, Layla said what Teddy had planned was nothing to what they had planned. They raised their voices, but quietened down so no-one would hear them before leaving.

Then the plant in the back of the room sneezed. No really, it did. But then a pair of arms pulled the plant apart to reveal Hornswaggle disguised as a potted plant. He laughed before picking up his cunning disguise and toddling off.

Todd & Matt talked about the revelation of Kane taking out Kane, with the same still pictures form earlier.

We cut backstage to see Gallows bitching about Punk leaving them high and dry on Sunday. Serena defended him saying he was teaching them a lesson. They needed to prove themselves and tonight was the perfect opportunity as she and Luke would defeat Big Show & Kelly Kelly. Serena said she had been training for months and they would prove they deserved Punk's admiration. Punk walked in and said they didn't deserve anything. He then said he was impressed with Nexus on Monday, so tonight, if Serena & Gallows didn't win tonight, they were out of the SES.

Luke Gallows & Serena def. Big Show & Kelly Kelly in a "Yep, Serena's finally wrestling! I could barely believe it either!" match
Gallows and Show started off, but Show took quick control, forcing Gallows to run away and tag in Serena, bringing in Kelly by the rules. Kelly missed the handspring elbow when Serena blocked it. Serena hit a punt to the ribs. She made the signal of the pledge before putting on a European headlock. Kelly fought out of it and hit a jawbreaker. Serena missed a charge, and Kelly hit a Thesz Press and tilt-a-whirl headscissors. She then hit a X-Factor for a 2 count when Gallows broke the pin. Show dumped Gallows out, but Serena countered the K2 and hit a Fireman's Carry into gutbuster for the win.

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5/10 - It was OK. A nice showcase of Serena in the ring, dressed up as a mixed tag.
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Punk appeared at the top of the ramp with a wry smile and a golf clap for his minions. After a replay, we saw Punk hug Serena.

BEARDYMAN: 2009 Edinburgh Fringe Show

A FIFTEEN year plan? Did that account for numerous beatings? If so, then that is one shitty, shitty plan...
We came back from break as Kane was already in the ring waiting for his cue to start cackling at random. Which he did for a while. When the devil left heaven and earth, he left the 7 deadly sins. Not Nexus, but the other ones. And Kane's favourite was Pride. Y'see it was Taker's pride that weakened Taker and allowed Kane to take him out. Kane knew that pride would make Taker come back early and allow him to drop him on his head at Summerslam.

Remember when it all began? How Taker's spiral from immortality to the wreck Kane left on Sunday began? For years, Kane wasn't anything but a memory. At this point clips kicked in of Kane's talking points. When he saw Kane again for the first time, his eyes told the story. the story of a self-serving brother and keeping Kane in Taker's shadow forever. Everything Kane did in those early years, Taker overcome. Hell, instead of destroying undertaker's legend, Kane went and made it greater, damn it! When Taker set Kane on fire, he knew it was his influence that pushed the dark side to the limit, to separate Taker from the least vestiges of his humanity. Taker's most magnificent moment. But that's when Kane's master plan was set in motion. Taker collected souls, but his weakness grew, and even in victory, it was clear Taker was losing his grip.

From the day Taker forced Kane to remove his mask...

WAIT! STOP EVERYTHING RIGHT THERE!

I'm sorry, but what the f**k? Is that what we're going with now? Taker was the one who made Kane de-mask? I should note at this point, they show a clip of Summerslam 2000 where n early-biker Undertaker had Kane's mask in his hand. I mean, who but Canadian Bulldog would want to remember the feud with HHH and Katie Vick angle that did lead to Kane's unmasking, but why mention it at all? If need be, say HHH forced him to do it. We dojn't need to see HHH banging a dummy. btu really, saying something happened nearly a full 3 years previous and because of someone else is TNA level storytelling.

Anyway, the day Taker APPARENTLY forced Kane to show his true face, he unleashed the monster capable of ending Taker's reign of darkness. And when they met for a second time at a Wrestlemania, the time was not right. But the plan continued to evolve. He knew Taker better than anyone, and so positioned himself at taker's right hand and gained his confidence, bu7t really was no more than a vehicle for his vengeance.

And no matter how many times Taker went down, his pride kept making him get up. But while Taker was disgracing himself and allowing himself to be disgraced (that is to say, via the clips, as Taker was getting beaten), the moment came. The instant he showed HBK mercy. Destroy Michaels or become one with his weakness. And it sealed his fate, and Kane knew his decade long plan had come together. He knew last Sunday when he saw the shadow of Taker's former self and his weak grip on his throat, he knew it was over. All the years of plotting and planning and watching were finally at an end. He had his vengeance. The vengeance that had alluded him for so long. And now, the shadows where Kane was once, were now on Taker and what was Taker's holy grail was now his World Title.

They used to be called the Brothers Of Destruction. But now Taker was the brother he destroyed. For 15 years, he dreamed of the day the Phenom would be no more and relished the thought of being the dominant one. He knew this day would come and dedicated his life to making the moment reality, when Taker would be cast down with grave vengeance and furious anger and Kane would replace him as the devil's favourite demon.

As wacky as the content was here, that was possibly Kane's best promo ever. Knocked it right out of the park for me.

The WWE Smack Of The Night was from 2 weeks ago when Drew McIntyre took out Christian's arm.

Christian def. Drew McIntyre in a "Wow...sending these two out in a death spot.." match
After our combatants came out, Dashing Cody Rhodes joined them in a suit and tie, as headed over to do some guest commentary. Indeed, he handed Todd Grisham some cue-tips. Drew aimed for the arm early, but Christian did his best to avoid the attacks. Christian hit a headscissors, forcing Drew out, but McIntyre tripped him up on the apron before dumping him into the timekeeper's position. Drew pulled off the padding of the guard rail before dropping Christian's arm on the metal.

Drew got in Christian's face and claimed he'd snap Christian's arm like Matt's ankle, before wrapping the arm round the ringpost. Christian elbowed out of an armlock, but Drew picked him up and dumped him down as we took a break, We came back and Christian was back in an arm lock. An armwringer takedown picked up a 2 count. In the corner, McIntyre pulled on Christian's arm stretching it out round the ring rope, but Christian kicked him off and then jumped off the second rope and SPIKING Drew with a DDT. Christian began to build momentum with one arm, before hitting a sweet dropkick-cum-baseball slide to Drew, who was down in the corner.

Christian came off the top with a missile dropkick for a 2 count, but missed the second rope European uppercut when Drew ducked. Drew hit what would normally be a gutbuster, but on the arm for close 2 count. McInytre looked for the Futureshock, but Christian slipped out. The Killswitch was blocked and Christian was run into the corner while on Drew's shoulders. However, as Drew came back out, Christian slipped over and pinned Drew with a cruifix for the three!

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7.5/10 - Another real good match of a good bunch. These two click, and Christian is really awesome at babyface selling, and his comebacks made sense because he keeps selling the injury.
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Cody left the announce booth and Cody & Drew surrounded Christian. They launched an attack on him until Matt Hardy ran out. He hit a side effect on Cody before mauling Drew, but the numbers caught up with him and they pulled off the brace on Matt's ankle and worked on it. Drew with the Futureshock to Hardy and Rhodes with the CrossRhodes to Christian.

We came back from break to see Swagger bitching to someone about his summer. However, it was revealed that he was whining to Rosa, who wasn't taking a blind bit of notice as she listened to music on her headphones while jogging ont he spot. MVP walked up as she walked away (which kinda eliminates the idea of Rosa & MVP being the same person), who told Swagger to calm himself down and chill. MVP admitted Swagger was better than him at some stuff, but the only thing Swagger was better at right now was whining and crying. Swagger said he was better than MVP at everything, proposing "The Jack Swagger Snr. Invitational". If Swagger won, he would host the VIP Lounge. If MVP wins, he's throwing a end-of-summer block party, and Swagger was picking up the tab.

The RAW Rebound was Nexus largely running the table on RAW. You know, except for Darren Young. But hey, be sucks anyway. Frankly, I'd have given him that beating just for having that hairstyle.

Backstage, Teddy Long was looking mighty, well... nothing really. However, he was slightly concerned when Kane appeared behind him. Long said Kane might not be happy, but he had it on good authority that next week, Undertaker would be returning to Smackdown. Kane said that next week would be hell on earth.

Alberto Del Rio def. Rey Mysterio in a "A little bit of this guy's entrance... A little bit of another guy's..." match
TONY THE CHIM! introduced Alberto Del Rio's personal ring announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez. RICARDO THE ROD! then announced Alberto Del Rio in Spanish. Anyway, as it turns out, Alberto had more up his sleeve. He came out driving a Rolls Royce. And no, it didn't have the comedy of the Mexicools "Juan Deere" makers on it. Proper Rolls Royce. he also had, in addition to his golden trunks and boots, the white scarf from his tux earlier. So really, kinda a hybrid between JBL & Eddie Guerrero. He then stood on the ramp when Christian's old spark shower blew.

Del Rio scored with an early kick to the leg before he worked on Rey in the corner. Rey ducked a shot, and kicked at the legs, before scoring a tilt-a-whirl headscissors before ducking a charge that sent Del Rio out of the ring. We came back with Rey still on top, hitting forearms in the corner. Del Rio had a charge blocked, but managed to drop Rey's arm over the top rope while Rey was on the apron. He then slammed it on the top of the ring steps before standing on it and beaming a smile out to the crowd. He got off the arm and kicked it.

Back in the ring, Alberto worked over the arm, but Rey kicked out of a hold. However, Del Rio hit an enziguri to the arm and shoulder for a 2 count. Hammerlock slam saw Del Rio go up, but missed a senton splash off the top. Rey hit some knees to the head before hitting a kick for a 2 count. Rey built momentum picking up another near fall in the process. He went for a 619, but Del Rio caught his legs. He looked for a catapult into the corner, but Rey countered by catching himself in the ropes and kicking Del Rio back. Rey went up, but had his legs taken out, with Rey landing on the injured shoulder. Del Rio grabbed the arm and flipped rey over with a cross arm breaker for the submission win!!!

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7/10 - Good match, nice showcase for Del Rio against a very legit opponent. Certainly made a good start.
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Del Rio re-applied the hold for a time once the bell won, leaving Ricardo announce him as the winner. Alberto then strollled up the aisle as Rey held his arm and the show ended.

OVERALL - Better show this week, with a few good matches, and showcasing a couple of new workers in Del Rio and Serena. And as I said, I thoiught swung for the fences with his promo, in delivery if not necessarily content. And indeed, between the obvious Kane vs. Taker and Kofi & Dolph with stipulation matches looking good for Night Of Champions and a good program with Drew & Cody vs. Matt & Christian, things aren't all bad.

Again, my only real complaint would be that they are in desperate need of some midcard babyfaces to get strong. Sure, with Taker back, we have Big Show & Rey in the upper-midcard, but then you have Cody, Drew, Del Rio and Punk and the SES. Not that I'm saying that the likes of Christian are necessarily doing a good job. Quite the opposite, at least in Christian's case. He's been awesome at putting the young guys over. Just that it seems like all the NEW faces they are bringing in are all heels. Could do with a babyface newbie getting over.

You can contact Aaron via his personal Facebook or the WWI Fan Page. All he asks is that if you do "friend" him personally that you write a little note noting that you read the reviews.

Or if you are on Twitter, Aaron can be reached at twitter.com/aaron24wood or the WWI Twitter feed at twitter.com/clubwwi.

You can join Aaron in the online gaming world either on the XBox 360 or the superior Playstation 3. Either way, his screen-name is aaron24wood