Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: The Undertaker Undertakes The Undertaking Of His Smackdown Return

Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: The Undertaker Undertakes The Undertaking Of His Smackdown Return

Welcome, my Gathering. Hope this finds you all well. Not been too great myself these last few days. Frankly, I've had rather a dicky stomach. But enough about that. I just wanted to make mention of this week's video selection, which is based on the nominees for this year's big comedy award here in Edinburgh for the Festival, this year sponsored by the piss-water manufacturers that call themselves Fosters. As it goes, I actually saw a comedy show centred around wrestling last night;. It was pretty good and a lot of fun. Will be doing a review of that over the weekend. Also, you may notice a couple of format changes in the next couple of weeks. Just playing around with idea to freshen things up.

LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Tony Chimel got usurped, Hornswaggle planted himself back on the show, Kane told a different story from the one EVERYONE ELSE on the planet remembers, Striker thought calling Todd "Todd" was strange, and Alberto Del Rio got a golden shower...

THIS WEEK…
The legend that is Todd Grisham started us off by mentioning a Summerslam rematch between Mysterio & Kane. Rather apropos of nothing, based on last week's show, huh? Especially since it didn't seem to be a title match, and Rey asked for it. And also, it's a No Dq match. They didn't, however, mention the rematch of the rematch of the Summerslam match which in itself was a rematch of a title match which as it goes was a rematch of of a match to get the title shot in the first place, that of course being Dolph Ziggler and Kofi Kingston going at it again. And unlike the No DQ stip of Rey & Kane, if Ziggler is DQ'ed, he loses the title. Also, some old guy comes back to Smackdown.

Kane def. Rey Mysterio in a "You'd think he'd take a week off if his arm still hurt..." No DQ Match
Rey came out selling his arm from last week, doing his best not to move it, even using his wrong arm to point to the crowd and slap hands with fans. Rey went for the legs, but was quickly tossed outside and dropped on the guardrail. Kane grabbed himself a kendo stick, but Rey caught him coming back in and used the stick himself with a couple of shots before running into a big boot. Kane worked a European headlock, but Rey fought out. However, Kane cut off a springboard attempt, with another boot down to the floor. Kane dropped Kane onto the ringpost, before jumping off the announce desk with a seated senton as we hit the ads.

Kane smacked Rey with an uppercut as we returned. Mysterio got out but was hit with a side slam for 2. Striker stuck with the new story of Undertaker costing Kane his mask, as he grabbed a chair, but Rey avoided a chairshot and made a comeback that saw Kane set for the 619. Kane countered that, but Rey escaped his grasp before hitting chairshots to the back and legs, putting Kane in 619 position again. Rey springboarded in, but he jumped right into chokeslam position, onto the chair, for the Big Red Notch In The Win Column. Fun opener, certainly helped with the weaponry.

We saw Rey being helped when Alberto Del Rio came out unannounced just like last week. He said he wanted to see how Rey was doing, noting that he looked like a dying dog and someone needed to put him down. JBDel Rio attacked Rey and ran him into the barricade before locking on the Cross Armbreaker. Del Rio made like he was about to leave, but then had an idea. He sauntered back into the ring and grabbed the chair that was handy. He grabbed Rey from the medics again and wrapped the arm into the chair before running it into the ring post. Alberto then gloated before walking away like a total douche.

Russell Kane

CM Punk def. JTG in a "Do my eyes deceive me???" match
Punk came out with the whole SES. Yes, including Serena. It doesn't mean she's not gone. Just means that wwe.com managed to do something right this month and not screw something up by saying she was fired and then having her on TV. JTG went for an immediate roll up, but got nowhere, and Punk was very soon in control. Punk hooked JTG and hit the downward elbows to the shoulder and chest (I suppose they are now the Daniel Bryan elbows...). High knee and bulldog by Punk. Punk made the pledge signal. He hit the GTS. However, this was NOT all, as Punk, for the first time in FOREVER, locked on the Anaconda Vice for the submission win, as the announcers suggested that this was Punk's way to beat Big Show, since the GTS was rather unlikely. Squash match to get the Vice over again, I suppose.

Punk got his crew in the ring and on their knees to berate them saying that that was how you treated the weak and spread his message. He said the example had been set and wanted Gallows to follow later by beating Big Show. Punk said it was the last time he was going to tell them. Be better or be gone. Good thing he said that right as they fired one of them..

Josie Long

We cut backstage to Teddy Long and Rosa who was using one of those shaking weights that you see on infomercials that looks like the woman working it is jacking a guy off. Long said she was looking good before she left. He sat down to read WWE Magazine when we saw a suspicious plant in the background. It moved. Teddy realised something but shrugged it off. The plant moved again, and again Long felt something happening, but didn't put 2 and 2 together. However, it moved again, and yes, Hornswaggle revealed himself. Long asked who the little bastard had been spying on, leading to the pair acting out a game of charades (including a blowjob joke) as Horny acted out "LayCool". He tried to communicate what they had been saying, but unfortunately, Thaddeus didn't take leprachaunese in high school so didn't understand a damn thing. Even a pictoral representation didn't work. However, Long could see some potential in having a midget dressed as a pot plant and had an idea of how they could work together. Hornswaggle started thuggin n' buggin before they did a fist bump, which FOX News will likely interpret as some sort of terrorist signal. Well, they did with the Obama's one didn't they? I love Hornswaggle. For me, he's funnier than Santino Marella.

An early RAW Rebound saw the set up for the Six-Pack Challenge.

Back from break, we saw how Ziggler & Kingston ended last week before sending it to Cody Rhodes' manscaping tip for the week. This week it was shaving the entire body. Watched the Warehouse 13 episode with him in it. I thought he did pretty well for himself. And somewhat refreshing that the stunt casting didn't just equal Cody being the bad guy of the week.

Kofi Kingston def. Dolph Ziggler by Countout in a "Here we go again..." match where the title would change hands on a DQ
Kofi's kicks sent Ziggler out early, but Kingston stayed on him. Ziggler avoided the Trouble In Paradise by holding onto the ropes, only to run into the SOS for a 2 count as Ziggler grabbed the bottom rope. Ziggler rolled out of the way of something of a Boom Drop off the top rope as we came back from break. Ziggler booted Kingston out of the corner for a 2 count. Dolph hit the leaping elbow drop to the back of the neck for another 2 count.

Kofi broke out of a chinlock, but Ziggler avoided the Trouble In Paradise by holding onto the ropes, only to run into the SOS for a 2 count as Ziggler grabbed the bottom rope. No, I didn't make a mistake there. THEY DID THE SAME SPOTS TWICE IN THE SAME ORDER. Only difference was that this time they were on the side closest to the hard camera. This time, they played it with the ref doing the three count only to then notice Dolph had the rope and rule out the win. I know you should really repeat a spot immediately afterwards to flag up how bad it was botched, but so far later makes me wonder if they didn't just lay out the match with the same sequence in it by accident.

Anyway, Dolph avoided a corner charge with Kofi's shoulder hitting the ringpost. Mr. Ziggles with the rolling necksnap for another 2 count. Neckbreaker scored another 2 for the champion. Dolph worked an arm lock, but Kofi fought out of it, only to turn into the sleeper. However, Kofi was too near the ropes and it was an easy grab. As the ref pulled Ziggler back, Vickie slapped Kofi, which went unnoticed by the ref, but not by Ziggler who told her not to ruin things. A knee to Kingston picked up another 2 count. Dolph began pounding on Kofi before hitting the leaping elbow again for a 2.

Kingston fought out a chinlock and began to made a comeback with his double chops. Ziggler caught his leg and catapulted him into the corner, but Kofi caught himself and jumped out which a Superman punch for a 2 count. Ziggler charged the corner, but met the pendulum kick before Kofi hit a crossbody off the top rope. Kingston looked for the SOS, but Ziggler counted with a fireman's carry takeover for a near fall. Kingston blocked the ZigZag and then dropkicked Ziggler out the ring. Vickie stood in Kingston way, so he just elected to jump over her (although really, it was to the side) onto Ziggler. They both made to crawl back into the ring. However, as Kofi got in at nine, Vickie pulled Ziggler off the apron to stop him getting back in and take the countout loss, knowing this meant he was still champion. And yes, another fuck finish. And very, very likely, another God damn rematch.

Ziggler ran away through the stands afterwards, followed close behind by Kingston, annoyed he was screwed again. Followed by a couple of fans hoping for an autograph.

Greg Davies

We came back to a recap of Kane's explanation of his attack on The Undertaker last week.

So, in terms of competitions that aren't actual wrestling matches... Swagger > MVP > Everyone > Matt Hardy
The "Jack Swagger Sr. Invitational" turned out to be a amateur contest to see who could score the most takedowns. First to five would win. Swagger put on head gear, but MVP elected not to, throwing his away. Swagger stalled a little, practising shoots. MVP slapped Swagger before the bell rang. Swagger sprawled an MVP shoot in for a point. Swagger went 2 up with a lovely leg whip after having his own leg caught. Swagger picked up another with a double leg into a slam down. Swagger locked in a facelock, before doing a gator roll. However, this just pissed off MVP, who threw a punch and got himself DQ'ed. MVP went to leave, but Swagger attacked in the aisle and locked on the ankle lock. MVP tapped out, but Swagger held it on for a little while before finally breaking. This meant, of course, that Jack Swagger was going to be hosting an edition of the VIP Lounge.

Backstage, LayCool were getting pictures taken with their comedy belt, as Kaval stood by their side. They started talking about Melina and their plan for her on the 900th RAW on Monday. They mocked Melina's Summerslam outfit. They went to talk about their plan, and Kaval got rid of the photography team before Michelle whispered it in Layla's ear as we left them.

Apropos of not very much, the announcers recapped what happened last week with Drew McIntyre & Cody Rhodes beating down Christian & Matt Hardy after Drew lost to Captain Charisma. Striker seemed to coin them "Dashingly Sinister". They did use this as a segueway into the the next match.

Sarah Millican

Alberto Del Rio def. Carlos Sanchez in a "I suppose I can't do the Spanglish on Spanglish violence joke twice in two weeks..." match
*RIC THE ROD* was introduced so he could introduce Alberto Del Rio, who drove out in a Jaguar. As it turned out, the jobber got his very own entrance, and was approved of by the crowd, although the "From Fresno, California" thing probably had a lot to do with that. Del Rio mauled his opponent to start in the corner before hitting a short clothesline. A German suplex led to a chinlock, that Sanchez managed to fight out of, bringing the crowd into the match. He then avoided Alberto's corner charge. Juan Bradshaw Layfield picked up Sanchez and sat him in the middle of the top rope, gave a cheeky wink and then shoved him over the top to the floor. He was rolled back in and easy prey for the Cross Armbreaker. Good squash to get Del Rio working on TV. At least he's in an angle already with Rey, rather than just doing these for the hell of it.

Kelly Kelly & Big Show Big Show were shown walking backstage.

Big Show def. Luke Gallows in a "See, this is why they haven't yet confirmed Serena's release..." match
And indeed, we returned to see Big Show come out with Kelly Kelly. He lifted her right onto the apron. Gallows came out with Joey Mercury, who was firing him up, and Serena, who took her sweet time. Big Show decided to work with his t-shirt on, but still this didn't stop him from dominating early. We saw CM Punk shaking his head backstage. Show slapped Gallows in the chest before tossing him out. he hit another slap to the chest on the announce desk. Kelly Kelly gave Serena a Thesz Press. However, Gallows hit some elbows as Big Show came back into the ring. However, Big Show stayed in control and hit the KO Punch for the win. Man, you'd think that Gallows was the one being fired with a beating like that. That said, given that this seems to be leading to Show vs. Punk, wouldn't make a bunch of sense to have a minion beat Show.

Bo Burnham - "Welcome To Youtube"

Aah... Sibling Rivalry...
Taker made his return to Smackdown. Nothing overly spectacular. Just the usual lighting, smoke and pyro. He paused for a while before speaking. Indeed, he even coughed a little, suggesting he still wasn't 100%. He said that while he may look dead, he wasn't dead yet. but he was still The Deadman and it was still his yard. He said he needed to make it clear that he wouldn't ever pardon the guilty, speaking of which, Kane. He was guilty of a treacherous betrayal, one he would pay dearly for. He had what Taker called a diseased soul, and it had festered and turned into a web of lies, lies he thinks he can fulfil Taker's boots and the biggest lie of them all is that he thinks he can carry his holy grail, the World Title.

Kane came out at this point, but stayed on the ramp, offering the odd mixture of black light on the ring and red on the stage. Kane said that the only one who was lying was Taker. The weakness in his voice and in his eyes. Kane was the diseased one? The delusional one? Take a look in the mirror, bruv! He wasn't just a shadow of what he was before and Kane wouldn't have any problem crushing him with his boot and dropping him on his head, like at Summerslam. Taker was living in a fantasy. Kane was bigger and stronger and was now the dominant brother and had nothing left to prove.

Undertaker said that there was a reason why Kane walked in his shadow. Last week, Kane called himself the Devil's favourite demon. Did Kane forget that the house the devil lives in was built by Taker, brick by flaming brick? And when he called round, the devil still calls Taker "Sir". Kane was never been worthy and never will be of carrying the title. Kane wouldn't worthy of the power he stole through fear and was finally unworthy of being Taker's brother. Taker told Kane he taught him everything Kane knew about evil, but he didn't teach Kane everything that he knew. And when the fighting began, it would always end the same way.

Not according to Kane, however. Kane said he knew that they both knew that this time, it would end the same way it did at Summerslam with Taker sprawled at Kane's feet. He vowed on the grave of their mother that Taker would never rest in peace (to which he dropped his voice to do a mocking impersonation of Taker). Kane cackled as the show ended.

OVERALL - Enjoyable show this week. the final segment was standard fare, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Alberto Del Rio continued to impress me. he certainly has the character and mannerisms down pat. And his in-ring is largely fine. And while we had something like the 6th Ziggler/Kingston match in 7 weeks, it was still good until the end. That said, and as I've said for the last few times, I hope the next match has a stip where there has to be a winner. And there was the interesting storyline with Punk busting out the Anaconda Vice as a way of beating Big Show, only to have Show kill Luke Gallows. It had a flow to it, and at the end of a taping schedule that involved the creative team writing around 15 hours of TV for three days of tapings, then this was, in that regard, a fine show.

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