| From WorldWrestlingInsanity.com Smackdown
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I did have a theme for this week's videos. But then I woke up on Wednesday. And I read JG's NXT Finale Insanity. And what did I see? Him using a video/track I had lined up for selection in next week's Smackdown review. That song was Cee Lo Green's "Fuck You", because it's so damned catchy! He stole it from me without so much a by-your-leave, swine that he is. But hey, this theivery just inspired me, so this week, I'm playing a bunch of video where the watch word of each song is the "F word". So suffice to say, if you no likey the ol' Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo, or you're enjoying this review at work, then suffice to say, it's probably NSFW and/or not for you. LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Undertaker revealed his love for home building, CM Punk seemingly got jealous of Daniel Bryan having an arm-based submission move, Teddy Long talked to a Bonzai Tree Human and I decided that if I ever see another Kofi vs. Dolph match again after last week, I would have to start having killing... THIS WEEK… We start with a LONG replay covering everything regarding The Undertaker's coma to his return at Summerslam, only to be laid out. Given that it ran at least 2 minutes to cover what I did within a sentence, it's a good thing they missed out the last couple of weeks. What? No marichi band? EVEN BROCK HAD A MARIACHI BAND! After the usual introductions, we sent it to *TONY THE CHIM* who was in a highly decorated ring and surrounded by a bunch of servants and *RICO THE ROD*, who introduced the Mexican of the hour, Alberto Del Rio, who drove out in a Bentley wearing a completely white suit. You'd think Mordecai has come into some money and classed himself up a bit. Alberto sent it to a replay of his assault on Rey Mysterio last week. A gleeful Del Rio said he was throwing the party because he removed Mysterio from the WWE. A man who was a pathetic representation of his people. For him, Rey was like an animal. Just like the donkey that doubled as piñata, which happened to have a Rey mask on. Thankfully, there were no poles anywhere near this piñata. However, it didn't stop Del Rio from smacking the idol wide open. Alberto proffered a toast to himself as he was THE man. Handsome, powerful and rich. He was everything. A guy from the other side of the USA came out in Christian, and it was at this point that it was shown, once and for all something I had long expected. Someone in WWE creative reads my Smackdown review. Why? Well, you see, Christian was of the belief that he recognised our partying Latino. He was JBL! Juan Bradshaw Layfield!  Great, first Guttman steals my music gimmick and now WWE steals my nicknames... Oh no, wait! You're the other guy, Enrique Iglesias! Christian launches into a shitty rendition of "Hero", to which Enrique Del Layfield responded by mock laughing, only for it to sound like a Latino Popeye. Think you're funny, Christian? I tell you what you are. Christian didn't understand the Spanish insult (and neither did I, hence why I didn't write it), but instead elected to try, although ultimately spit out, one of Del Rio's canapés. But he didn't come out to try the food or marvel at him. Christian didn't appreciate what Del Rio did to Rey Rey. Christian could hit all the donkey piñatas he wanted to, but there was only one jackass. Him. Alberto resolved that Christian wanted to end up in the hospital next to Rey, which Christian assumed was a challenge to a fight. Y'see the issue is that (unless Dennis Stamp) Christian is already booked, but if you wanna play, they'd play. Del Rio sent off his minions, and made as if they were about to fight. However, when he got in Christian's face, he smiled and backed away, before picking up his jacket and leaving, noting there'd be another place and time, and Christian would pay. However, as Christian watched Del Rio walk up the ramp, he didn't see Drew McIntyre run in from behind and run down Captain Charisma. He knocked Christian from the ring, allowing Del Rio to come back and lord it over Christian for a bit. Del Rio left as we took a break. Back from break and we saw that Drew had sent Christian into the ring steps. Back, well, not live, Drew was goading Christian to get in the ring while the ref asked if he was OK to go. He rolled in the ring, so it got underway... Christian def. Drew McIntyre in a "Yeah, another one of these matches as well..." match Christian tired to fight back, but Drew hit a knee to the gut, before giving it a punt, picking up a 2 count. Abdominal stretch on the mat. Christian got out, but Drew mouthed off that Christian should have given up when he had the chance. Christian ran into a bearhug, but Triple C headbutted out. However, he ran right into a knee to the gut. Drew went to the middle rope, but Christian put his boots up on the jump. Christian began to build momentum, hitting the pendulum kick, but jumped off the second rope into a backbreaker for a Scottish 2 count. Christian rolled out the ring to try and draw breath. In a bit of a nasty moment, Drew climbed on the announce desk to suggest more punishment for Christian, but Christian swept the legs. However, as Drew's feet left, they took the top of the desk with them, so he landed on the desk lights and microphone boxes. Both men made it back in before the 10 count. Christian looked for the Killswitch, but Drew countered into a gutbuster. However, as Drew came into attack, Christian took the legs and leapt over into a jacknife cover for the, once again, surprise 3 count! Nice opener continuing the storyline of Christian pulling off the surprise victories over Drew. Oasis - F**kin' In The Bushes/Go Let It Out Michelle McCool def. Kelly Kelly in a "Well, it's not like having separate divisions is going to matter any more..." match One of the newest NXT pros, Kelly, came out first, followed by the winning pros from Season 2, LayCool. As they came out, we saw a clip of RAW as LayCool amazing plan came into being. An amazing plan if that plan was to lose a match and then propose a match which ended up having stipulations you didn't plan on being added to it. otherwise, it's about as great a plan as Dubya's was in bringing democracy to the Middle East... Layla joined The Legend That Is Todd Grisham and Matt Striker on commentary. Michelle took control early with a belly to belly into a backbreaker. An actual belly to belly picked up a 2 count. McCool mocked Kelly with some push-ups. Kelly came back with a tilt-a-whirl headscissors and then a drop toe hold. However, Kelly's attempted headscissors was countered into the Faith Breaker for the win. Pretty much a sqaush as it goes. After yet another recap of the trip to China, we cut backstage to Hornswaggle with electrodes stuck to his head. Long was protesting to some doctor about the measures they were going to to get Hornswaggle to speak in English. The doctor talked about his other, piss-weak methods of trying to get Horny to talk properly, so he was going to try shock therapy. Hornswaggle eventually agreed to it, but when it didn't work the first couple of times, the "doc" decided it was time to go full power. Hornswaggle, much like the rest of the viewing audience, pretty much decided he'd had enough, so stuck one of the nodes on the doctor's forehead and flicked the switch. As the doctor started convulsing in a totally fake manner, Long and Swaggle ran away as THE DOCTOR STARTED SMOKING! Yes, this one electrode of power on the forehead from a tiny box of tricks was somehow enough for this dude's body to begin to catch fire! Look,, I've said in the past that I like Hornswaggle and he's a funny character. However, this was beyond ridiculous. In fact, I'd say it was worse than Horny painting the hole in the wall. Tim Minchin - So F**king Rock Dolph Ziggler def. Chris Masters in a "WHAT?!?!?! No Kofi Kingston?!?!?!" match We returned with Chris Masters in the ring as Vickie came out to introduce her man. As they came out, we saw the finish of last week. At least the rematch isn't this week. No word on why, despite being somewhat shafted again, Kofi wasn't getting another return match this week though. the pair traded shots in the corner, before Masters hit a big Gorilla Press. However, as he grabbed at Dolph, Ziggler hit a neckbreaker onto the middle rope for a 2 count. Leaping elbow picked up another near fall. Masters countered a dropkick and catapulted Ziggler into the corner. Masters went for the Masterlock, but Mr. Ziggles climbed up the ropes to fall back onto Masters, following up with the ZigZag for the quick win. Not much to this here. But at least it wasn't Kofi. Big Show def. CM Punk & Luke Gallows in a "I hope Serena's happy. It's all her fault, you know..." match Back from break and Big Show came out with some new merchandise, as he had a doo rag on his head. I like. We also went back to Monday as he mimicked Hulk Hogan, to which Striker played dumb, only to dump them out the ring. Punk & Gallows had to tag in and out on this one, and Punk actually started off. They traded some shots, until Punk had a kick caught, although much like Chael Sonnen, he twisted and rolled away to tag in Gallows. Gallows grabbed a waistlock, but was actually the one taken down. Big Show then hit a back elbow after whipping Luke off the ropes. Gallows and Mercury had a discussion on the outside. Show grabbed Mercury's bad shoulder while Gallows slid in and tagged Punk back in. Show set Punk up on the apron, but missed a slap down to the chest. Punk goaded Show, allowing Gallows to get the jump on him. Back in the ring, Punk laid in some shots, but Show decided they were as painful as Titus O'Neil decided MVP's kick to the head was, as he just reared up and grabbed Punk, whipping him into the corner. Punk avoided the charge, but the springboard clothesline was blocked. A Big Show elbow drop picked up a 2 count. Punk slid across the ring and out. Big Show charged, but Punk moved and he hit the steel steaps as we hit the commercials. Punk was still in control upon return, although Punk failed in dragging Show towards his corner, so gave up and walked over for the tag instead. Gallows scored with a splash for a 2 count. Show broke up a chinlock with a side-cum-back suplex. Show hit some clotheslines before squashing Gallows in the corner. He looked for the chokeslam, but elected to shove Gallows into Punk. As Luke bounced back, Big Show hit the old Alley Oop before locking on the Colossal Clutch for the tapout win. Pretty decent handicap match, but the SES really do look like chumps now. Why is probably why the following happened. As Show left, Punk seethed before hitting Gallows with the GTS. He let out a primal scream before leaving pissed off. Eels - It's A Motherf**ker Bunkhouse BALLIN'! Back from break, it was time for MVP's VIP Lounge, only, because of last week, it was hosted by Jack Swagger, so it was the All American American VIP Lounge. He also had his "father" with him in a wheelchair and neck brace. We reviewed what happened last week that led us to this point. Jack's guest was a special story. A victim and survivor. Korean war hero and Purple Heart winner. And senior arm-wrestling champion in Peri, OK. Daddy Swagger. He handed the mic off to his daddy, who said he was really proud of him, a moment reminding him when he won a talent show at 9 years old, before asking for some push-ups in honour of some record I drifted out of listening to. Swagger got down and did around 50, and was awesome in doing so, with his facials. However, as he approached 50, MVP came out. MVP said they were making fools of themselves. The VIP Lounge was supposed to be a party, but instead he had an old dude. Swagger said MVP wasn't on the VIP list tonight, so he should take a walk. MVP could appreciate. But it was still MVP's show, so it now closed for renovation. MVP started tossing some of the stuff in the ring about before making to fight with Swagger, who grabbed his father's chair and hid behind him. things ended up with Swagger Sr. being tossed int o MVP, but him still having the where-with-all to low bridge Jack out of the ring on a charge. After being left with the old man, MVP hit the *BALLIN'!* elbow on Swagger before tossing the wheelchair at Swagger as he ran away. Tenacious D - F**k Her Gently "Dashing" Cody Rhodes def. Matt Hardy in a "You better start listening to the message, Matthew..." match Hardy limped his way out to the ring, still selling the effects of his ankle injury. Cody followed, and after checking himself out, started to speak. He wanted a round of applause for Matt. But then he sarcastically asked if it actually was Matt. But still, Matt hadn't been paying attention to Cody's grooming tips. Cody wasn't giving tips to himself. They were people like Hardy. Did Matt ever think to get his nose fixed? And what about the beard? It's just patches! And then there's the eating. Cody made a fat joke and then a "dashing" pun. Cody showed Matt himself in the mirror on the back of his jacket. All Cody could see was Matt hardy Version Done. So, Mickie was in an angle where her weight was an issue, she ignored the apparent message and got canned. Serena was in an angle where her partying was exposed as an issue, but she ignored the apparent message and got canned. Matt Hardy, essentially, just got told to shape up and sort himself out. To be fair, Matt's gut wasn't as bulbous as it has been. Certainly didn't disgrace himself by wearing any sort of shirt to cover an obvious gut. As it goes, there was a match to be had, which started with Matt in control as Striker actually stood up for Hardy in defiance of Rhodes, saying Matt had given his body to the business and didn't hti the gym as much because of the injuries he suffered. The Side Effect was blocked, but Hardy hit a clothesline before taking Cody into the corner for the clothesline and bulldog. Rhodes slipped out the ring as we took a break. We returned with Cody working over Matt, even hitting his bigger brother's drop down and uppercut, only to run into a Side Effect for a 2 count. Hardy tossed Rhodes out. Cody looked to skin the cat, but Matt booted him down to the floor. Hardy chop blocked the leg back in the ring before hitting a scoop slam into the ropes. Hardy then locked on a Single Crab, but Cody grabbed the bottom rope. Hardy stayed in control hitting a couple of clotheslines followed by an elbow drop. Rhodes drove Hardy into the corner and put him on the top. Hardy knocked Rhodes down, but Cody avoided the jump out, and Hardy injured the ankle again. Cody came off the second rope with a knee drop to the already injured ankle. Cody then hit the CrossRhodes for the win. Interesting match in so far as Hardy being on top for most of it. Certainly would say this is the beginning of a Cody/Hardy feud making it clear, if you hadn't already figured it out that the Christian/McIntyre/Cody/Hardy quartet have swapped dancing partners. Super Furry Animals - The Man Don't Give A F**k Some talking that just confirms what we know... Kane's intro played, and he could be heard laughing, but there was no Kane until we saw him on the TitanTron. He said that the final chapter, for some, was Armageddon, the apocalypse or simply the end of the world. But for Undertaker, the end of his existence would come at Night Of Champions. Kane would defend his World Title against Undertaker. That night would be the crowning moment of Kane's life when Taker is laid to rest. Taker said last week that the sin that haunted Kane was envy. Scored on that one, but at least Kane knew this, whereas Taker was blind to his sin of pride, which would be his undoing. Kane had LONGED after Taker's powers and now, after all this time, they are Kane's. In the arena, Taker's druids (or I guess supposed to be now Kane's) brought out a casket. The druid left which led to a silly bit of vision mixing, which eventually led to Kane popping out of the casket. I assume that this was supposed to be Kane using Undertaker's powers to transport himself from backstage into the casket. He got the mic to cackle some more. he wished he could see Taker's face right now, as Taker realised there was nothing he could do to stop Kane. For too long, Kane had been the other brother. The afterthought. But when Kane looks at undertaker now, the only thing he could see is weakness. He saw it when he put Taker in a coma. He saw it at Summerslam. He saw it on RAW when he proved he was the Phenom no more. This led to a replay of Taker being taken out by Nexus. Kane said while the rest of the world waited for Undertaker to rise as he usually does, Kane knew he would just lay there like he did. Big brother's powers were gone. When the saga was over, Taker would be no more. The Phenom would become known as Kane's brother. At the PPV Taker would feel Kane's rage, and there was nothing that could be done to stop his demise. Taker's gong hit and he came down the ramp. Undertaker got as far as getting in the ring and taking his jacket off when the lights went out. When they came back up, Kane was nowhere to be seen. Taker approached the now-shut casket, and slowly checked it, but it was empty as well. It was revealed that Kane was now somehow backstage again, as he cackled at his powers. Kane said Taker might not have taught him everything he knows about evil, but was wrong in thinking Kane had anything left to learn. They were called the Brothers Of Destruction, but after Night Of Champions, Taker would be the brother Kane destroyed. Kane cackled as his pyro blew off around Taker in the ring as the show ended. OVERALL - An oddly interesting show this week. We didn't exactly learn anything new that were didn't already assume with the 3rd main event segment of the Kane/Taker feud in a row, but suffice to say Kane is absolutely swinging for the fences and hitting massive home runs in his recent performances. I can't remember the last time I was so interested in anything he was part of. Beyond that, a very match heavy show that again, didn't exactly advance us any further, outside of the likelihood of a Cody/Hardy feud with the theme of "Cody's being a dick on the surface, but for fans in the know there'll be a message from management". We didn't even get any word at all on Ziggler's opponent for Night Of Champions. When I read the spoilers saying he was facing Masters, I expected a graphic confirming what the match would be. I mean, it's certainly not a dead issue, given that they replayed the end to the last match with Kofi. You can contact Aaron via his personal Facebook or the WWI Fan Page. All he asks is that if you do "friend" him personally that you write a little note noting that you read the reviews. Or if you are on Twitter, Aaron can be reached at twitter.com/aaron24wood or the WWI Twitter feed at twitter.com/clubwwi. You can join Aaron in the online gaming world either on the XBox 360 or the superior Playstation 3. 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