Smackdown
Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: A Guy With Less Hair Than He Used To Have & A Bald Guy vs. Well, The Same...
By Aaron Wood
Nov 20, 2009 - 6:12 PM

Hello my Gathering!  This is an exciting week this week.  One of the biggest of my 28 years and 2 weeks of life to be honest, as yes, this week sees my long awaited (at least to me) trip to the United States Of America and New York City.  But not only that, tomorrow night will see me attend a High School reunion, since it's now a decade since I left.  I haven't seen most of these people since the last day of school, if not longer.

So, what music to play this week...  Music about or by New York bands, or some sort of musical pieces in a high school setting...  Yeah that'll be right.  I'd rather watch the Twilight movies!  NEW YORK F**KING CITY BABY!


Beastie Boys - "An Open Letter To NYC"

LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN:  There was an overwhelming sense of déjà vu, Drew McIntyre was cut in half, Taker & Jericho finally got to find out what a singles match with the other was like, Rey & Batista had an actual contract signing and I made my WWE debut!

THIS WEEK…
You know what I've noticed since Smackdown got it's new opening credits?  A distinct lack of pre-credits recaps and cold opens.  The legend that is Todd Grisham & Matt Striker introduced things by hyping the main event and the 2/3 Falls match between John Morrison & Dolph Ziggler, which Striker noted was "exclusive to Smackdown".

Batista def. Matt Hardy in a "Well, I suppose Matt Hardy is now worthy of killing..." match
Batista came out first as TONY THE CHIM~! made note that he was a former World Champion.  That's the way Tony, rub it in to the guy.  And as Matt hardy came out, Striker called him "the heart and soul of Smackdown".  That'll be right.  Batista looked at Hardy as if Mattitude had laid an egg before the bell, but it was Hardy who got the first shots in, forcing Batista out of the ring, but Dave grabbed Hardy and pulled him out.  Still though, Hardy got the upper hand and rolled him back in.  Hardy telegraphed a backdrop, but was shoved into the corner before being hit with a powerslam for a 2 count.  Batista began working on the back and ribs of Hardy, locking on a bodyscissors.

Hardy jawbreakered out, but was sent into the corner.  He blocked a charge and hit the standing elbow from the second rope.  The Twist Of Fate was blocked, but Matt avoided a powerbomb and hit a DDT for a 2 count.  Matt looked for a Side Effect, but Batista elbowed out and then chop blocked Hardy down.  Hardy avoided a charge and dropped Dave into the corner, but when he mounted Batista in the corner, Batista dropped him on the corner and then hit 3 spinebusters in a row before finishing off with the Batista Bomb, just to hammer home the point.

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6.5/10 - A decent little match, that got over the point of Batista's newfound viciousness in somewhat going overboard on Hardy, although I don't quite buy Striker's analysis that he was seeing how he did against a small guy, because Rey & Hardy are 2 different people and 2 different styles, and Hardy is only quicker by de facto.  But a good win for Batista to have going into a PPV where he's promised to hurt Rey.
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In replay, Striker called Batista "The Altered Beast".  I approve.  We cut back to Matt & Todd who went over the contract signing last week where Batista got Rey to sign away his liability before showing us the end of the piece where Rey embarrassed Batista by tipping the table over.


Vampire Weekend - "Oxford Comma"

We cut backstage where Batista was approached by Josh Matthews, who wanted to talk last week.  Batista said Rey made three major mistakes.  He cost Dave his title.  He signed the agreement and thirdly, Rey embarrassed him like he had never been before, but NEVER AGAIN~!  At Survivor Series, he would punish Rey with no mercy, regrets or remorse.

We came back to a shot of the city of brotherly love before hitting a video about The Brothers Of Destruction.  Pretty damn cool video actually.

Well, if they aren't interested in Escobar anymore, at least they have an excuse to keep Vickie around!
We went backstage to Teddy Long who was joined by Vickie Guerrero & Eric Escobar.  Vickie was AGHAST~! at the idea of putting Undertaker & Kane together.  Teddy said it was Vince's decision to make the match.  Vickie said his problem then was to take control of his show.  No wonder your ass is still on probation.  Hell, Thaddeus hasn't even used her boyfriend on the show...

Long said that he didn't need her advice.  Never has and never will.  Now, why don't you get to steppin'?  Well, they didn't but someone joined them in the shape of Vince McMahon.  He had a nice hello for Vickie & Eric.  You see, he didn't want to interrupt, but he had an idea.  Vince said he had had an idea.  Did Teddy realise what he had done in teaming up Taker & Kane again?  It was imbecilic!  Long repeated that it was Vince's idea, but Vince said it could also destroy the main event.  But his idea was one that would get Teddy off of probation.  What if Vickie Guerrero was to become a consultant for Smackdown, to Teddy long, to make sure he might get off probation on day.  Vickie screamed and howled in delight, her MILF-y tattybojangles bouncing for all they were worth.  She hugged Eric, went to hug Vince, who wouldn't allow it, before she started bouncing and dancing again.  A phenomenal performance right there.

Drew McIntyre def. Finlay in a "Was this one edited to buggery as well?" match
Drew came out right before a break, and in coming back, we saw a video showing the recent history between the Scotsman and Irishman.  If only there was an Englishman, we could have a hack joke.  We cut back to the ring, as Drew had something to say, in that Finlay claimed he loved to fight, be had found Finlay loved to cry and whimper.  Finlay reminded him of a little ol' lady scared to death of him.  The Granny botherer knew those were fighting words, so he wanted Finlay out there for a fight.  Now, at this point, I should point something out.  If you watched, or more precisely, listened closely last week, and as the cool dude that was sitting next to me in the arena pointed out, Finlay came out to his old, pre-Hornswaggle happy-go-lucky music.  Well, for whatever reason, back to the happy music this week.  That said, for a dude who was fighting a guy who had dominated him and left him lying twice in the last three weeks, Finlay was a rather jolly soul when he came out, so maybe it was apropos.

The bell rang and Finlay took it right to McIntyre.  Chasing him from the ring and going right after him, much akin to the brawl from last week.  He stomped on McIntyre in one corner before taking him over to another, with the referee using all his strength to pull him out.  However, when the ref succeeded and Finlay went back in, McIntyre poked Finlay in the eye and hit the double-underhook DDT for the win.

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6/10 - More of a continuation of their angle than a match, with Finlay pounding the s**t out of McIntyre, only for McIntyre to cheat his way out of it.  But what there was was pretty fun.
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Battles - "Atlas"

We saw Punk walking backstage, and he had a message for the WWE Universe.

If any of that went in Punk's mouth, that's his gimmick killed...
Punk came out, with Striker claiming his support.  In the ring were three upturned buckets with X's on them and a trashcan.  He said he was going to do something the people that loved them should have done a long time ago, because he knew they were sick and helpless.  So he was holding an intervention.  A STRAIGHT EDGE intervention.  And in an intervention, they needed to confess they had a problem, so if everyone would do so.  And indeed, those at home could put their hands on the TV, as long as everyone admitted they were all addicts.  The crowd booed, which Punk took as them being in denial, and I don't just mean they're in an African river.  He said they were in denial that they were weak, powerless and they were nothing without their substances.  But don't worry, he would teach them how to survive.

He lifted the first bucket to reveal a carton of smokes.  How many of you know about the dangers of cigarette smoke.  If you hadn't noticed, the surgeon general prints a warning on every packet.  It says they cause a slow and painful death.  People are poisoning themselves.  Punk opened the fags up and dropped them in the trashcan, stomping on the few that missed.  Under the second bucket were some pills.  People hide behind a prescription and a doctor and munch the things like candy.  But it is failure in a bottle.  very time you take one, you fail at life.  It says "take only as prescribed", which Punk understands is difficult for the drunken masses to understand.  Punk then opened the bottle and poured them in the trash.  The final bucket contained some whisky, which the crowd cheered.  Punk found this sad.  He asked how many would like to see him drink, which got cheered, which Punk said made him feel ill.  He imagines everyone in the building had partaken in a few, but they had to be responsible.  It was poison.  It should have a warning label but a hazard symbol.  THIS was the worst of them all.  And by Christ, if he hasn't just buzzkilled my High School Reunion tomorrow...  Punk said when you drink, you poison yourselves and life the booze, your life goes down the drain.  He then opened the bottle and poured it all into the can, while holding his nose.

As he thought he finished, R-Truth came out, but he wasn't rapping.  When he got in the ring, he did ask "What's Up?".  Truth said that Punk thought he was better than everyone else.  His catchphrase does kinda suggest that, it has to be said.  However, Truth said everyone makes their own decisions in life and the truth was that he didn't like Punk.  He grabbed Punk and hit a DDT.  He motioned to the trash can and the crowd saw where this was going, so Truth dumped the contents onto Punk's chest before hitting him with a shot in the gut with the can.

We got another shot of "the 6th largest city in the US" as we came back from break.

John Morrison def. Dolph Ziggler in a "I like these matches, but Morrison really needs a new challenger..." 2 Out Of 3 Falls match
As both guys came out, the announcers noted that after last week's match and the plane ride home, they weren't at 100%, so it might come down to who was in better shape.  Ziggler got the best of the first exchange, but Morrison came right back with the dropsault and a jumping heel kick for a 2 count.  As Morrison charged the corner, Ziggler put a boot up, but Morrison baseball slid under it and tripped Ziggler.  He vaulted in and looked for Starship Pain, but Ziggler rolled out and Morrison landed on his feet.  Morrison, however, decided to take it up a notch (BAM~!) and hit a springboard 450 onto Ziggler on the outside.  Well, to be honest, it was for 360 than 450, but you get the idea.  Mr. Ziggler was rolled back in, but he got the knees up on Starship Pain.  Ziggler went to follow up, but JoMo caught him in a cradle for a three count to go 1-0 up.

Back from break, Ziggler hit the rolling neck snap for a 2 count.  He locked on a bodyscissors with a chinlock, as Ziggler had apparently worked the ribs.  Morrison got back to his feet and he elbowed out and switched.  Morrison got the roll up for 2, but as he went for a kick to the grounded Ziggler, Dolph ducked and hit the ZigZag for a three count, tying things a 1 each.

When the ref allowed the match to restart, Ziggler hit a dropkick for a 2 count as Striker pointed out that 4 of the 6 guys in the 2 main title matches on Sunday had won the IC Title.  If I'm thinking right, it's Cena & Taker that haven't won it.  that said, if Big Show has had it, I don't remember.  Ziggler continued to work the ribs of Morrison, again locking on the bodyscissors.  Again, Morrison elbowed out of it, but Ziggler stayed in control.  Ziggler got Morrison up in a fireman's carry, dropping Morrison into a double gutbuster, which if I recall, Jamie Noble used to do and Roderick Strong does.  Ziggler stretched Morrison's back around the ringpost before hitting a baseball slide into his front.  Morrison reversed a pinning attempt for 2 though.  Ziggler hit a X Factor for a 2 count.  Morrison was bounced off the ropes, but he came back and whirled around and hit a big DDT.  This put Ziggler in position and Morrison hit Starship Pain at the third time of asking for the final three count.

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7/10 - I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed with the match.  First of all, it was only on for about 9 and a half minutes of TV time with a break.  That's still only 12 minutes for 3 falls.  I would have thought 3 fall matches should be 20 minutes at the very least.  That said, what there was was a helluva lot of fun, and highly athletic.  I gotta think that is it for Ziggler's challenge to the IC title.  I feel sorry for the guy because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time when Rey got himself suspended and they put the belt on Morrison, and now Drew McIntyre seems to be the "chosen one" on the brand.
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Yeah Yeah Yeahs - "Heads Will Roll" (Live on Later with...Jools Holland)

Mickie James def. Layla in a "Jillian Hall has some competition..." match
As Mickie came out for her match, we went back to last week as Michelle and Layla cut up Mickie's over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder.  Mickie took a page out of Finlay's playbook early, going right after Layla.  Layla kicked Mickie's leg out from under her on a charge before hitting a low dropkick for a 2 count.  However, Mickie floated over Layla in the corner and lent back on a bridge for the 3 count.

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3/10 - Incredibly short, but not terrible match.  The post-match angle was rather funny, but subjectively pretty good with the escalation of the bullying.
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Layla rolled to the outside and grabbed a mic, directing Mickie to the TitanTron.    On the screen appeared Michelle McCool dressed as a farm girl.  She called Mickie "Piggie James", before launching into a HORRIBLE version of "Old MacDonald Had A Farm", where the only animal she had was a pig with Mickie's face on it.  Thing is, while Jillian sings badly, it seems quite clear to me that she can actually sing a bit, but is deliberately being sh**ty for her gimmick.  I'm of the firm belief here that Michelle is utterly tone-deaf and this was as good as she could be.  That said, she was still better than Jedward.  Apparently.  Since I loathe the X-Factor TV show (which is ironic, since I was a fan of the X Factor stable with X-Pac Justin Credible and Albert), Simon Cowell and every single thing that man has ever done (other than give the world Girls Aloud), I've never actually seen Jedward perform.  But all the papers talk about how they suck the meat missile, so I'll hop on the bandwagon.

Anyway, long story short, they ended the video with the Looney Tunes "That's All Folks!", which itself is ALWAYS hilarious, but it left Mickie in tears at the bullying as she left the ring.

We cut backstage to see Rey walking the halls.  He's taking on Tyson Kidd next.  Let's just hope they get some time and don't have, say, Batista sitting at ringside doing nothing before he interrupts pretty quickly and ends the match by DQ...

Tyson Kidd def. Rey Mysterio by DQ in a "See, I'd have just beaten up Rey, since that's what he wants to do..." match
We came back from break to see Batista at ringside, who was wearing a dress shirt, but nothing on his legs other than his wrestling trunks.  And while he had a headset on, he said NOTHING.  That might have been for the best.  Tyson came out next with Natalya, but no DH Smith.  Now, you see Canadian Bulldog is in New York this week (and I allegedly co-host CAUB with him...) and the REAL CANADIAN BULLDOG~! is nowhere to be seen on Smackdown, when you'd think he'd be backing up his buddy.  That said, despite my implication, I'd like to think that DH Smith isn't a big ugly jerkoff, so chances are they aren't the same person.

Kidd got the upperhand quick, knocking Rey off the top into a Tree Of Woe, stomping away on Mysterio before whipping him hard into the opposite corner.  Kidd locked in a bow & arrow while digging his knee into the back of Rey.  Rey got out of it, but Kidd hit a dropkick to the head for a 2 count.  However, he missed the springboard elbow, allowing Rey to make a comeback.  Kidd rolled through a hurricanrana, but Rey hit a kick for a 2 count.  Rey headscissored Kidd into position for the 619.  However Tyson rolled out the ring.  Rey went up top for a big dive down, but Batista took off the headset he never used and shoved Kidd out of the way drawing the DQ.

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6.5/10 - Good stuff until the end, and it was incredibly short.  I'd love to see these guys get at least 10 minutes in a slobberknocker before Rey hangs them up, which if current health reports are anything to go by, may be sooner rather than later.
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Batista had a grin on his face, knowing that he spoiled Rey's dive and got Rey DQ'ed.  However, Rey jumped on the announce desk and hit Batista with a seated senton over the chair he was sitting in.  Batista chased after Rey, but Rey was always too quick for him, hitting a baseball slide before bouncing out the ring and up the ramp, leaving Batista red-faced.


Shy Child - "Summer"

We cut backstage to see JeriShow.  Jericho was saying that if they weren't on the same page, Taker & Kane would kill them.  Big Show kinda agreed, but he was also thinking of the PPV and how he'd walk out the PPV as champion.  Jericho said they might not make it to the show if they didn't get together.  Show wondered if Jericho was scared.  Jericho denied it.  Big Show said he'd been in the ring with both and held tag title with the pair, so he knew how to survive.  Jericho noted he'd done a lot with the pair too.  Big Show said that at the PPV, if it came down to them, he'd knock Chris out.  Jericho said he wasn't intimidated by Show and not scared of Taker.  Big Show left and the lights suddenly went out.  Jericho crapped his pants (only metaphorically) at this turn of events, but they came back on to reveal it was Big Show and the light switch.

We saw a shot of the Liberty Bell before looking at the announcers and RAW at MSG.  Striker reminisced about going to the Garden with his father before showing the really great video their aired about the WWE in the building on Monday, albeit without the Jay-Z track.  I GOTTA see something...ANYTHING in MSG.  As it goes, while I know next to NOTHING about Ice Hockey, the Rangers are playing the Pittsburgh Penguins on the 30th, which is my last night in NYC, so if I can get in, I'd go to that.  We shall see though...

The Brothers Of Destruction & JeriShow wrestled to a No Contest in a "Uhh, Chris...wrong belt..." match
The tag champions came out before the break, allowing the Brothers Of Destruction to come out afterwards.  It was largely Taker's entrance with a little bit of Kane's spliced in.  A nice little touch they had though were 2 of Undertaker's "symbols" at the sides of the stage, which they set on fire, making for a pretty cool visual.  Kane & Jericho started things off, with Jericho getting a couple of shots in, but Kane came right back, taking Jericho into the corner.  He whipped Jericho across the corner and hit a clothesline for a 2 count.  Taker tagged into the ring and he worked over Taker until Jericho caught himself on a whip and tagged in Big Show.  Taker & Show had a staredown and then a slugfest, which Taker seemed to win, but after a whip across into the corner, Taker avoided a charge and then he hit the flying clothesline.  Kane & taker then dumped Big Show out the ring as we took a break.

Jericho was punching Taker in the corner as we came back, but a whip across was reversed and Taker hit a clothesline.  Taker then went for and hit the ONE Move he didn't do last week that he should have done, that being Old School, since he always does it in the same corner, and as all the documentary evidence (including last night’s article) shows, it was the corner closest to me!  That scored a 2 count.  Kane came back in and they hit a double big boot for another deuce for Kane.  Big Show got a blind tag and as Kane looked to chokeslam Jericho, Show hit a spear for a 2 count.  Show took Kane into the champions corner and hit some shots, while Jericho got his cheapshots in where he could.  Jericho tagged in again, punting Kane in the chest.  He locked in a chinlock while tapping the arm but Kane was up pretty quickly.  Jericho however hit the bulldog, although Kane got his knees up on the Lionsault.  However, Jericho made the tag first and he managed to race over and cut off Kane.

Jericho yelled at the announcers to say how much Show was manhandling Kane, which Striker agreed to do.  Show set Kane up for a superplex, but there was no potential Brock Lesnaring of the ring tonight, as Kane fought him off and hit the flying clothesline.  Show made the tag to Jericho, but this time Kane tagged in Undertaker.  Taker went to work on Jericho, hitting Snake Eyes and the big boot.  A leg drop scored a 2 count.  He caught Big Show coming in and teased a chokeslam on Jericho, but he countered it with a rollup.  Jericho looked for the Walls, but in a nod to last week, Taker countered into the Hells Gate.  However, Big Show came back in with a leg drop to break that up before Jericho Jeritapped.  Kane booted Show out of the ring.  Jericho sent Taker out, but he landed on his feet and pulled Jericho out.  Basically you could say the match fell apart here and it was thrown out, although there was never any bell or announcement.

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7.5/10 - Another fun match for this show with 4 top guys, and the non-finish does leave the door open for rematches later on.
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Jericho was whipped into the guardrail before the brothers teamed up to do the same to Show, albeit the whip sent him over into the timekeepers position.  The brothers cleared the announce table and teased chokeslamming Big Show through it.  However, Jericho distracted them.  I couldn't say he broke it up.  He dived off of something and gave them a club to the back each, but it more annoyed them than hurt them.  They took Jericho to the ring as Striker wondered if Jericho should have allowed them to destroy Big Show and better his own chances at the PPV.  That's why I love Matt Striker.  I think he watched a ton of Ventura as a kid.

Anyway, when Jericho realised he was caught between a rock and a hard place, Kane chokeslammed him.  Taker called for the tombstone, but Big Show pulled Kane out the ring and dropped Big Red with the KO Punch.  Taker teased chokeslamming Show off the apron, but didn't, so he could boot Jericho down.  As he turned back around, Big Show chokeslammed Taker.  Big Show started to pick Jericho up, but Jericho hit the Codebreaker!  The announcers wondered if Jericho knew who he hit the move on, just seeing a big guy, but to me, it was quite clear he knew it was Show.  In any case, Jericho left the ring and grabbed the World Title, heading up the ramp to the stage with it.  He posed on the stage as Taker caught sight of this.  Jericho yelled "This is mine!" with Taker & show down as the show ended.

OVERALL - 7/10 (-0.5 on last week) - I thought this week's show was pretty fun and it did just enough to hype the Survivor Series well, at least with their top 2 matches, and with the 5 vs. 5 matches getting mentions whenever applicable.  That said though, when it came to Punk & Truth and Finlay & McIntyre, both segments were more about looking beyond Survivor Series and continuing their own feuds while Morrison & Ziggler was about the IC title.  But overall, it was a bunch of fun matches and a couple of good angles leading to the PPV.