Smackdown
Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Batista Beats Taker To The Chairshot
By Aaron Wood
Dec 4, 2009 - 6:50 PM

Before I start with the pre-written review, as a big Three Minute Warning fan, I just wanted to send my condolences to the family of Eddie "Umaga/Jamal" Fatu.  May he Rest In Peace.

Well, yes the ORIGINAL and (to be perfectly frank) BEST Scotsman on World Wrestling Insanity is back from his American sabbatical.  Mucho thanks to Jamie Kennedy for stepping in last week.  It was a very cool surprise to not only see the review as ever in "UnReal Time" but also from Scotland, even if it was the wrong side of the country.  As it turned out, my hotel, among it's array of channels, had the NYC affiliate of MNTV, WWOR-TV if I recall correctly, so I actually saw the show as well when it actually aired.  Have to admit, I did enjoy US TV, especially HBO, which showed a OTN of recent movies in the earlier part of the day, albeit I did sit through Bride Wars roughly one and a half times, which is dangerous in a country where guns are supposedly plentiful.  At least it wasn't Twilight...

If you are a Facebook friend of mine, I should get some pictures of my trip up in the next day or so.  But otherwise, we have one more week of New York-based music videos, so let's start off with this one!


The Walkmen - "The Rat"

LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN:  Another Scotsman reviewed the show while I actually watched it on MyNetworkTV, CM Punk showed off his Gallows humour, we realised quite how f**ked Eric Escobar is and for a second week in a row, Batista showed his awesome commentary SKILLZ~!

THIS WEEK…
Before the credits roll and we're asked if we really want to cross the line, we got a recap of last week's main event.  Afterwards, The legend that is Todd Grisham announced that Undertaker was calling out Batista later on.

R-Truth def. CM Punk by DQ in a "Well, I guess Punk is going to lose but not actually job quite a lot in upcoming weeks..." match
Punk, in his role as the new Jesse, came out with Luke Gallows first, as Striker called Gallows "the positive proof of clean living" and Punk the "Straight Edge saviour".  It has to be said, even though Gallows, I believe is actually pretty young, he looks so much younger than he did when he was Festus.  As Festus, I could have sworn he was in his 40's, but I do believe he was actually a couple of years YOUNGER than me, and I , dear reader, have not long turned 28!  We cut back to a couple of weeks ago as Truth interrupted the Intervention and dumped the filth over Punk.  We went from there to last week as Gallows made his "debut" in beating up Matt Hardy and hitting the old "Gas Mask" move of Mean Street Posse member Pete Gas.  This brought out R-Truth for some pre-match rapping.



Truth got the upperhand with his speed and dancing skills, but Punk caught Truth with a kick before stomping away in the corner.  Truth came back with a jumping heel kick for a 2 count.  Truth locked in a hold that wasn't quite a keylock, but Punk kicked him in the head to get out and take over.  He grabbed Truth's head and hit a headbutt.  A suplex was countered by Truth, but he ran into a back elbow.  On the outside, as Truth recovered, Punk shoved him into the ringpost as we took a break.

Punk was working the arm as we came back, before he hit a hammerlock suplex.  Punk continued to work the arm, but Truth tried to battle back. However, Punk stunnered the arm to retain control and pick up a 2 count.  Punk locked in a keylock as the crowd rallied behind the Suntan Superman.  However, as Truth got up, Punk clotheslined him back down.  Punk continued on the arm, working it on the mat.  Truth kicked out, but Punk hit the old Mongolian chop to the shoulders for a 2 count.  Punk went for another suplex, but given that he stalled to say he could save everyone, truth slipped out of it and hit a pair of clotheslines and a front dropkick.  Punk clubbed the arm, but Truth scored with a hiptoss.  Truth caught Punk in the gut and looked for the Axe Kick to finish, but Luke Gallows grabbed the legs form under Truth, causing the DQ.

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6.5/10 - Another pretty fun, but fairly short, match between the two.  While I get that Punk & Truth are feuding, what I'd like to see right now is Luke Gallows wrestle a bit to get his new persona over.  I mean, right now, I'm waiting for Gallows vs. Jesse.  But as it was, fun match despite the non-finish.
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Gallows pulled Truth out the ring and shoved him into the guardrail before rolling him back in the ring.  Punk directed Gallows to run Truth's shoulder into the corner, before holding Punk, allowing him to hit the high knee in the corner.  Gallows hit the Gas Mask again, which Striker seemed to dub "The 12 Steps To Recovery", which kinda works for me, as their beating ended as Punk kissed Gallows on the top of the head.


Bjork & Antony Hegarty - "Dull Flame Of Desire"

Kane def. Mike Knox in a "It's one of those times where I've got nothing..." match
We came back to see Kane's big red pyro blow off, followed by RDLee's BFF, Mike Knox.  Kane grabbed a side headlock, but scored a shoulderblock when he was shoved off for a quick 2 count.  Snapmare and low dropkick scored another 2 count.  However, Knox took Kane into the corner and punched away in the corner.  Kane hit an uppercut, but Knox blocked a corner charge and Mike hit the crossbody for his own 2 count.  Knox went to work on Kane's ribs, punctuated by a big splash for a 2 count before locking in a waistlock.  Kane blocked a spear in the corner, before hitting a pair of corner clotheslines and a side slam for a 2 count.  Kane headed up and hit the flying clothesline.  The chokeslam was blocked with knees to the gut, but the bicycle kick was blocked with a shot and Kane hit the chokeslam for the win.

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6.5/10 - A pretty fun, but short, big man match there.  Oddly conclusive win for Kane though.  I say "oddly" simply because I'm not sure where they're going, given that he suddenly turned babyface and even mixed it with the main event for a couple of weeks, and while that's one thing to be a warm body to put Batista over and team with his natural partner, Taker, but you'd expect him to kinda disappear again.
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Looks like Bush was looking in the wrong place for deadly weapons...
We cut backstage to see Josh Matthews with JeriShow, as Josh brought up Jericho's EPIC FAIL on RAW, leaving him to face DX alone on Monday night.  Jericho said that he wasn't worried because in 10 days, the pair of them would end DX forever in a TLC match.  Jericho decided to wax lyrical about the TLC match.  It would involve a steel chair.  Can you imagine the largest athlete in the world swinging one of those bad boys?  The average hypocrite on the street swinging one would be painful.  With Show, the best you can hope for is a concussion.  And then there's the table.  All of the parasites would be waiting for a table smash so they could take a picture.  What about the bodies that go through the tables?  Such as HBK's surgically repaired back when Big Show chokeslams him through one.  Or HHH lying dazed on one only to see Jericho hitting an elbow drop through one.  And then there's the ladders.  Jericho said he knew all about ladders.  And indeed HBK knew about Jericho and ladders because the last match the pair had was a ladder match and Jericho destroyed Shawn.  he embarrassed him, and he became the new king of the ladder matches.  And can you imagine Big Show using one?  Jericho said the TLC match was the most dangerous in the company, and he'd been in 2 of them.  He had defended the titles in one of those.  Didn't mention who with... I wonder why...  Long story short, Jericho knew what it took to come out of a TLC match.  And after the match, DX would be finished.  No more joke or shoddy merch for fans to buy up.  Tables, Ladders and Chairs were weapons, but he had the biggest weapon of them all.  His partner.  Big Show balled up his fist and motioned punching right down the camera lens.

Mickie James def. Beth Phoenix & Natalya in a "1 Brunette > 2 Blondes" Triple Threat match to become No. 1 Contender
We returned with Michelle McCool & Layla at ringside.  Now, I'm not one to usually point out when I'm so beyond right it's crazy (expect in cases where it comes to Canadian Bulldog that is), but the two heels were wearing black tank tops that said "Piggie James", which unlike 99% of all other writers, is how I wrote it as opposed to "Piggy James", although I did end up falling in line, because, to be fair, "Piggy" is more grammatically correct, although Piggie is better because it plays on Mickie much better.  However, on these tops, it was "Piggie", as it really should be.

Mickie came out first, followed by Beth and then Natalya, as Striker referenced both that he her was "Nattie" and that the opening of the theme (the guitar screeching bit) was in E minor.  Beth downed Natalya and then went after Mickie, but she fought Beth, and then Nattie off.  Beth dumped Mickie out as Michelle & Layla celebrated.  The tough blondes got into a shoving match, because Natalya got a side headlock, but a shoulderblock went nowhere.  Neither did Beth's.  Mickie came back in, but was tossed right back out again.  Phoenix and Neidhart downed each other with a clothesline as we took a break.

We came back as Natalya had Mickie in a Bow & Arrow as Beth was down in the corner.  Mickie got out, but was put in a headlock.  Beth broke that up, and James hit a neckbreaker for a 2 count.  Mickie avoided the slingshot suplex, but Natalya rolled her up for a 2 count that Beth broke up.  Beth looked for a slam on Mickie, but Natalya dropkick the pair of them, with Mickie falling into a pin for 2.  Mickie ran into the discus clothesline and was set for the sharpshooter.  Mickie fought it long enough for Beth to come in and hit Natalya with the Glam Slam.  However, Mickie kicked Beth out of the ring and pinned Natalya for three.

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6/10 - Fine enough little match.  Nice teasing of potential Beth/Natalya match ups down the road as well as setting up the natural title match.
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Josh Matthews got in the ring to interview Mickie.  Last time something like this happened, Maryse was dressed as a chicken.  He congratulated her on winning the title shot before asking her about knowing she was getting the title shot.  She said she felt on top of the world.  Her sights were set on becoming champion and on Michelle herself.  She had taken things too far and gone beyond personal.  Mickie took the mic out the ring and approached the heels.  Mickie said the thing that Michelle had proven over everything else was that she loved to talk, so she'd do everyone a favour and shut McCool's mouth.  Mickie then pulled a Rey Mysterio and shoved Michelle back and over her seat before going after Layla.  The numbers game caught up with her though as Michelle recovered.  In the ring, the heels beat on Mickie until Maria ran in out of nowhere and speared Layla down.  Michelle grabbed her, but Maria slapped the taste out of Michelle's mouth and Mickie hit her with a Thesz Press before the heels bailed out.


TV On The Radio - "Dancing Choose"

We cut backstage to Teddy Long and Batista.  Batista had his head in his hands, as he was annoyed that Rey was getting another match with him.,  Long said since Batista's "change in philosophy" they hadn't seen eye to eye, but Rey deserved a rematch, on his terms.  So next week it would be a street fight between the pair.  Batista said if he wanted a street fight, fine with him as long as his indemnity was still in place.  Batista then said he also had a problem with Taker calling him out and Teddy allowing it to happen, but Thaddeus said that after what Dave did last week, his hands were tied.

We then cut to the locker room where Matt Hardy was playing SvR 2010 as John Morrison walked in.  As it goes, he did so just as Matt hardy, who was playing as JoMo, hit Starship Pain on Drew McIntyre.  Morrison noted Hardy jumped in on his game, before saying that he didn't realise Drew McIntyre was in the game.  Morrison said he wasn't and that he had to create him.  The Virtuoso Of Video Games then said that the only better than smacking the virtual Scottish head of McIntyre was doing it in real life, which was about to happen next, leaving Hardy, who didn't take his eyes off the screen to continue fighting.  You see, between Hardy's uselessness at winning even after hitting a finisher and the toughness of the Scottish people, virtual or otherwise, despite hitting the Starship Pain in his game, Hardy was still wrestling the virtual McIntyre.

Drew McIntyre def. John Morrison in a "Shame the next 2 words are "non title", huh?" non-title match
Morrison came out first, followed by McIntyre, as Striker noted he was the only Smackdown superstar to survive any of the matches at Survivor Series, which isn't technically true, since Mickie survived her match as well, but he was certainly the only guy.  Striker also noted that, since Drew's weight is announced in stone, that 1 stone was 14 pounds, which (quite unbelievably to me) meant that he was 266lbs.  Me no thinky so.

Before the match, Drew took the microphone and said that the title had gone to Morrison's head since he requested the match they were about to have.  Drew said he hurts people, but...  Morrison ended the promo early by smacking Drew in the mouth.  Morrison scored with a leg trip to start, before hitting the standing SSP for a 2 count.  McIntyre fought back with kicks and strikes.  F**king lovely spot followed as Morrison avoided a big boot by dropping down, to then kip right back up and hit the Pele kick (and a proper Pele kick as well).  AJ Styles just got served.  Awesome stuff, but it only scored a 2 count.  McIntyre elevated Morrison onto the apron, before running him into the ringpost, a move that also sent Drew out.

Back in the ring, McIntyre scored a 2 count.  He wailed on JoMo in the corner before whipping John off the ropes and hitting a back elbow.  Drew locked in a chinlock while trapping the arm.  Morrison got up to his feet but was slammed back down again.  Drew went to the arm and chin lock.  Morrison fought out, but instead of floating over a corner charge, got booted in the gut for a 2 count as we hit the ads.

We came back to see McIntyre hit a big clothesline for a pair of 2 counts.  They got into a brawl, but McIntyre won out with a headbutt before locking in a butterfly hold.  Morrison kicked his way out, but was hit with a donkey kick to the abs.  The Kingfish of Kicks hit one to McIntyre to create some separation before punching his way out.  A shoulder tackle and back heel kick followed for a 2 count.  The running knee scored another deuce for Morrison.  Morrison looked for the Flying Chuck, but Drew kicked the legs out from under him for a 2 count.  McIntyre scored with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.  Drew's DDT was blocked and Morrison hit a dropkick sending Drew into the corner.  As Morrison set for the finish, Drew rolled to the apron before snapping Morrison's neck.  As Drew was on the apron, Morrison hit the Flying Chuck.  Drew went under the ring and held onto the ring as Morrison tried to pull him out.  But it was a ruse, as Drew pulled Morrison into the steel support for the ring.  Drew rolled Morrison in the ring again and hit the Kobashi DDT for the three count.

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7/10 - Highly enjoyable match here, likely setting up an IC Title match, and as an opening salvo of what these 2 could do, I'm all for it!
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They pimped out the TLC Theme song by Switchfoot.  No, me neither.


Matt And Kim - "Daylight"

We cut to the arena as Vickie Guerrero came out.  this led to a recap of last week and her break-up with Eric Escobar.  We cut back as she was on the mic to say, well "EXCUSE ME!" obviously, but after that, she said that she was publicly humiliated by Escobar, who had the audacity to raise his voice to her and question her hygiene, so he would now face the consequences.  She said she was beautiful, powerful and fair.  Awesome moment, but as the crowd finally stopped booing for a second, she got them going again with another "EXCUSE ME!".  Damn, Vickie Guerrero is awesome.  She told Escobar to come tot he ring and beg for her forgiveness.  And while they might not wake up together tomorrow, he'll wake up with a job.

Escobar came out with a big grin on his face.  He got himself a mic and said that he did apologise...for ever meeting her.  I don't know if he was trying to be Eddie-like here or if it was just his natural Latino movement's, but I was imagining Eddie giving this promo with the same movements and cadences in his voice.  A little odd.  Anyway, he said he was sorry he wasted his time with her and saw her in her négligée.  This got her screaming she was done with him.  She said she could fire him right now, but that would be too easy, so he was gonna have to pay.  So it was a handicap match with the Hart Dynasty for him.

The Hart Dynasty def. Eric Escobar in a "Back in Florida sooner rather than later, I'm guessing..." handicap match
Tyson Kidd started out for his team, as they had to tag in.  However, Eric got the first shot in on DH Smith, DH Smith of course being...



before getting some shots in on Tyson Kidd, including a whip across the corner.  he then hit a clothesline in the corner, hiptoss and a dropkick as Striker wondered if Vickie was on eHarmony.  Tyson slipped out of a back suplex and DH Smith distracted Escobar long enough for Kidd to kick the legs out from under him.  Smith tagged in and he hit a big boot followed by an uppercut.  Escobar was run into Kidd's boot before Tyson tagged back in.  However, Eric scored with a sitout spinebuster for a 2 count that Smith broke.  Smith tagged back in and was hit with a "Puerto Rican neck tie" as Striker called it, although to you and me it was something akin to a STO.  However, Smith drove Eric into the corner and hit a back suplex.  Kidd tagged back in, and they hit the Hart Attack 2.0 for the win.

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6/10 - Decent enough little match, but there is an overwhelming sense that Escobar is screwed.  Indeed, I was more interested in the way the Dynasty and Vickie interacted afterwards.  I mean, they could have just been doing her a courtesy, and then celebrating with her, but I have a sneaky suspicion that they may be paired together in the near future.
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After the match, Kidd led Vickie into the ring and DH held Escobar open for a slap to the chops.  Smith booted Escobar in the ribs to drive the point home before the Dynasty left with Guerrero.  A new pairing there perhaps?

Who knew Festus also used to apparently be Snitsky?
We cut backstage to Josh Matthew, who was with CM Punk & Luke Gallows.  And it was actually Gallows who Josh was interested in, as he wanted an explanation to his new existence.  Gallows said that his previous condition was NOT HIS FAULT.  What wasn't obvious was that the people he loved and looked up to were no better than the common drug pushers.  They forced him to walk around comatose.  He looked and acted like a moron.  But thankfully Punk came along and changed that.  Punk said he promised Luke that that wouldn't happen again.  He reached out and accepted change and listened.  Gallows said he was lost and was now found.  He said he prayed all the other lost souls would adopt the sXe lifestyle and see Punk as he did.

We came back as Todd & Matt talked about the TLC PPV, which led them to talk about the current card.  All four matches of it.

JeriShow def. Cryme Tyme in a "Well, when one guy has a f**ked knee and in the other corner is Shad, you're as well as booking it this way..." match
Cryme Tyme made their way out before the break and JeriShow after.  JTG and Jericho started this one off.  Jericho got the upperhand early, but when JTG staged a comeback, and picked up a couple of 2 counts, Jericho ran outside for safety, but JTG hit a baseball slide before bringing him back in.  JTG hit the leg lariat form the second rope for another 2 count.  However, Big Show distracted JTG and Jericho hit a chop block to take control.  Jericho hit a back suplex before choking JTG with the ropes.  Jericho locked in a chinlock as Shad rallied the crowd.  JTG got up and Jericho came off the ropes and ran into the turning clothesline.  Both men made tags, but as Shad ran in, Big Show immediately hit the KO Punch for the win.

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6/10 - Decent enough stuff with Jericho & JTG and then the immediate finish was a clever one given that Big Show just had a procedure on his knee, although I would question the logic of putting him out there in the first place.
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We saw the video that opened the show once again with the main event and Batista's post-match beatdown on Undertaker.


Jay Z - "Empire State Of Mind"

Some calling out by Undertaker there...
Undertaker's entrance began and he made his way down the ramp.  However, as he was halfway down, Batista attacked him from behind with a chair.  Batista smacked him a few times in the back before driving it in.  He sent Taker into the steel steps.  Batista tossed the title in the ring and hit a few more back shots before tossing Taker into the steps again.  Deacon Dave then choked Taker with the chair before rolling him in the ring.  Batista hit a shot to the head before picking up the World title.  However, he put it down again and set up the chair on the mat.  he gave Taker a spinebuster onto the chair.  Batista posed with the title before stomping on Taker a few times.  After a couple of replays, we saw Batista hit a shot to the head with the title belt.  He then posed with the chair and title in the corner as the show ended.

OVERALL - 7/10 - Nice show this week with some good wrestling and some good hype for the Smackdown main at TLC.  That said, I would really have liked to see another match made for the show, especially since it's a week this Sunday.  And it's not as if there aren't any matches they've built.  Punk & Truth, for instance, or after tonight, how about McIntyre and Morrison?  The card could certainly use some padding at this point, because 4, admittedly kickass, matches aren't gonna cut it.