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Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Randy Orton Beats The Clock And Picks The Only Match Left To Choose From

By Aaron Wood Dec 9, 2011 - 5:17 PM print


Not got much to note this week. Been too busy working and dealing with snow and wind. All I have to note is that this week, we enter the top 20 of my "Most listened 2011 tracks on iTunes" countdown from 20 to 16.

LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: A fat guy with a beard celebrated Xmas, Ted DiBiase decided to hand out toys mid-match rather in the parking lot with his friends, Anyone with a shitty lawyer lived vicariously through Randy Orton, Hornswoggle won the battle of the Irish and then wouldn't shut up and Mark Henry continued the new WWE tradition of giants hitting moves out of the corner form the ropes...

THIS WEEK…
Oh, the multiple layers of irony....
We kicked off this week with a look at Booker T being tended to by refs and medics. Not highlights of last week's backstage attack, mind you. No, this was "just before the show went ont he air", as we saw Booker was down in the aisle, as Cody Rhodes was standing by proud of what he had clearly just done. Indeed, we right to a highlight clip of Booker T coming out only for Cody to run him down form behind and attack him all around the guardrail area.

As Cody stood at ringside by the announce table, they sent it to Tony Chimel who introduced the returning Lillian Garcia. However, she barely got started when Cody, now standing on the announce desk, cut her off.

Now I HAVE TO digress here. You see, in the spoilers many read, it suggested that Cody took Lillian's spot and on another website's forum, which shall remain nameless, a huge discussion broke out started by folk who were offended on Lillian's behalf at being, essentially, bullied in this way and how the WWE likes to get it's jollies in humiliating certain people, in Lillian's case someone who left and came back. My take on it was that it kinda made sense for Cody to "show Booker how it was done" in some way and that it wasn't as if Lillian was only back for one night. However, I noted that a better idea would have been to take Booker's spot in that case.

Oh the irony...

Cody said he hated to be the purveyor of the truth but no cared she was back and no-one noticed she was left. But he was tickled that one announcer returned as one (looking at Booker's chair) left. If he didn't send the message loud enough last week, he was clear tonight. But who would fill the chair and spew clichés, rudimentary commentary and talk about fave fives with 11 guys in it? But who? He was. Cody told Booker to watch and learn something...sucka...

Wade Barrett def. Ezekiel Jackson in a "Hey Zeke...good to have you back and kicking so much ass..." Beat The Clock match in 7:53
I should note that there were tables, ladders and chairs set up all around the ringside area. Josh said that it was Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett at the PPV and whomever won their singles match in the fastest time would get to pick form a tables match, ladder match or chairs match. And since there's already a ladder and chairs match on the card, take a guess at the outcome already...

Correct.

Wade tried going for quick pins, but that wasn't going to fly. After busting out of a side headlock and hitting a back elbow, he picked up a couple of counts. Cole noted that if Zeke won, all Orton would have to do would be win later on. Barrett took control for a short minute, but Wade took out a leg and then sent Jackson through the corner into the ringpost for a 2 count. Wade locked on a chinlock and when Jackson got out, Wade hit a mule kick and a pumphandle slam as we took a break.

We came back about three minutes later on the clock as Wade had a chinlock on, but Jackson backed Wade into the corner. Jackson began to work a come back, hitting clotheslines and shots in the corner. Jackson hit a side slam, but it picked up a 2 count. Big Zeke started with the bodyslams and went for the Torture Rack, but Wade slipped out. He wanted Wasteland, but Jackson slipped out of that. However, as he bounced Barrett off the ropes, Wade hit the Black Hole Slam for the win at 7:53.

Wade got himself a mic. He said when he started the Barrett Barrage, it was to take him to the title, but Orton has stood in his way, so he did what no man had done to hiim before. He had humiliated Orton (Cody, who once bagged Orton said NOTHING) and beaten Randy. Repeatedly. Orton always had the psychological advantage over his opponents. But not him. He was the only voice in Orton's head right now. And it was telling Orton he was out of time. They noted that Orton would be facing Ziggler in his match.


20: The Streets (Feat. Rob Harvey) - "Going Through Hell"

We came back from break as we saw a graphic for the truly epic Sledgehammer Ladder match between HHH & Kevin Nash. Yeesh...

We cut backstage to see Teddy Long with David Otunga. Jennifer Hudson's own personal Jamieson was bitching about being put in the match by Foley last week. He was a member of the RAW roster. He was only there for that party. Otunga said his loss should be expunged from his record. Long agreed Foley could get carried away. But he was a WWE Superstar, and thus subject to the whim of the ruling authority. And since he was here on Smackdown, he had an opponent for a particular Superstar. Otunga tried to bitch, but Teddy pointed out that he was there, so he was competing. Otunga was all "Whatevs" and asked who he was facing. Sheamus.

A match I both really DO and really DON'T want to see...
Josh Mathews was in the ring as he introduced Daniel Bryan, which led to Michael Cole to start his usual spiel. Bryan had his ribs taped up. Josh asked what was in his mind. Bryan said being in the cage was painful, but moreso the disappointment of letting people down and not having everything he ever wanted. He let it slide through his fingers.

Suddenly, Michael Cole LOST. HIS. SHIT. ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! They got engaged in a shouting match. When they let each other talk, Bryan said he didn't know what Cole's problem was, and he didn't know why Cole didn't respect him. Cole, absolutely agog at the mere notion of showing Bryan any respect whatsoever said that he was out there whining about blowing his shot at the World Title, and when he fails cashing in his case, he'll whine about that too.

He accused Bryan of not earning the title shot last week, to which Bryan astutely pointed out he made Cody tap out. That's how he earned the shot. He's earned everything he's done since he came. Cole told Bryan he should go away. Bryan got out of the ring and approached Cole, but Cody got up and attacked Bryan from behind, running him doen and putting some boots to him before officials broke it up, with Cole yelling at Bryan all the while. Also, Cody left the announce desk at this point.

Didn't need the yelling over each other, but this was pretty good, since it felt quite genuine. And that's the thing. I really don't want to see Daniel Bryan vs. Michael Cole in a match. But at the same time, that was so good, I really wanna see Daniel Bryan vs. Michael Cole in a match.


19: Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds - "The Death of You And Me"

Back from break, we saw an advert for this coming week's Slammy Awards RAW, as it seemed to suggest that "Match Of The Year", "superstar Of The Year", "Diva Of The Year", "Reaction Of The Year" (highlighted by The Miz Girl winning it last year), and "Breakout Star Of The Year" as it's categories.

We saw a clip of what happened before the break, as Cole went beet red in the face yelling about Daniel Bryan.

Zack Ryder def. Heath Slater in a "Good thing he has the match, because wins over Slater wouldn't help his case..." match
Slater was already in the ring as Ryder came out, another person for Michael Cole to kvetch about. Zack seemed to start off quickly, but was caught with a kick that allowed Slater to take over. After Slater punted Ryder in the ribs and took Ryder into the corner, Zack got the knees up on the charge, allowing him to quickly the Broski Boot and the Rough Ryder for the win.

Ted DiBiase def. Jinder Mahal in a "Well, that's that feud blown off already...again..." match
Back from break, DiBiase made his way out. Unlike the previous match, Mahal got an entrance. Not only that, he got a PIP promo as Mahal bitched about DiBiase distracting him last week and would face the ramifications. However, just because he got an entrance, it didn't mean he fared any better than Slater. DiBiase was all over Mahal early, but when he got on the second rope, Mahal swept the leg and took control. Mahal got in some decent offence, including a butterfly suplex and European uppercut. However, after he released it, TD2 hit the misdirection clothesline. Mahal came back and hit the high knee. However, as he looked like he was thinking of finishing him off, DiBiase caught him with a cradle for the three count.


18: Enter Shikari - "Quelle Surprise"

Actually, incredibly ironically, "quelle f***in surprise" is about right here... (Honestly, it's placing in the list is totally legit and to be honest, this was the best place to put the video in the article)
We came back to see Big Show posing in the corner. Yeah, he's a regular ol' rope climber now... He noted it had been nine year since he beat Brock Lesnar (yep, he invoked Lesnar's name) in MSG to become WWE Champion. A lot of people said it couldn't be done and he was a hopeless underachiever. But he made the impossible possible by beating him. 9 years is a long time, huh? And he's been waiting for the perfect time to win the title once again. And he thinks that TLC is that perfect time. He said it would get mean and nasty but vowed to slam the doors of the Hall Of Pain shut.

Henry came out, but stopped short at the foot of the aisle. He wasn't afraid of Show, but he was halfway-hurt. He wasn't looking for a fight, to the point he didn't even tape his ankle up. He told the crowd to shut up, the crowd responding with a "You Shut Up" chant. He wanted to say something face to face, but he wanted Show to promise he wasn't going to put his hands on him. Uhhh...thinking hard...No.

Henry said Show talked about his journey and legacy. But what if he loses. He was going to have as much Henry he could handle at the PPV. He just wanted a courtesy for the World Champion. This time, Big Show promised to not lay his hands on him while he was talking and in the ring. Henry got in the ring and said they had a lot in common. They were two of the greatest big men to come into the business. They were both champions, albeit Henry was the current one. At TLC, he should be 100% and then Show would get all of Henry he could handle. They would have a fight people would talk about for decades.

They had done some mean and hateful things to each other. But how about they let bygones be bygones and may the best man win. He extended his hand, and while Show hesitated, he shook it eventually. However, Henry had one more thing to say. He could see Big Show think he was a monster. But Show thought it, Henry knew he was.

With that, he sucker punched Show with a right hand, leading to Show spearing Henry. He dropped and elbow on the leg and while Henry slipped out side, Show followed him, got himself a chair and whacked Henry in the back with itas he crawled before hitting Henry in the knee with it. He tossed the chair in the ring and left as official came out to break things up. Busy night for those guys.


17: The Lonely Island - "No Homo"

Lillian introduced the special guest ring announcer for the next match, Hornswoggle. He danced around with Lillian. He said he wanted to do this for a really long time, before introducing the combatants. Funny moment saw Otunga walk to ringside as we saw Horny motion to him to hurry up.

Sheamus def. David Otunga in a "And with that, a lesson has surely been learned..." match
Sheamus took control early on with his usual clubbing blows, adding a suplex back into the ring from the apron. However, Otunga telegraphed a backdrop, hitting a big shoulderblock. He then propelled himself off the middle rope to hit a couple of elbow drops. Otunga hit a couple of blows in the corner. This actually put a smile on Sheamus's face to the point of near laughter. However, when Otunga grabbed his cheeks asking if it was funny, Sheamus got PISSED. It was all Sheamus from there as a powerslam and Brogue Kick soon ended it. After announcing him as the winner, Hornswoggle raised his hand in victory. Well, as much as a midget can.

We suddenly cut to the "Look Within" promo from RAW. It didn't interfere with the picture or anything, and going out, while it did the glitching, it went to an ad break.

Cody Rhodes def. Daniel Bryan by DQ in a "The inevitable Bryan & Booker vs. Cody & Cole match is going to be horribly lopsided, isn't it?" match
We came back to see Bryan coming out once again, followed by Cody. Bryan hit kicks early, but Rhodes grabbed one of them and took Bryan down, dropping an elbow on his ribs, beginning to work them over. Bryan came back with the flying clothesline, ut Cody caught caught Bryan with another rib shot before picking up a 2 count off a Gordbuster. A hard whip into the corner also picked up a 2 count for Cody. Bryan blocked a suplex, but eventually was elevated to the apron, where Cody sent him into the ring post as we took a break.

We came back and Rhodes had an abdominal stretch locked on. We saw that Bryan had been dropped ribs-first on the guardrail during the break. Cody charged Bryan at the ropes, but was elevated over the top rope right to the floor. Bryan hit a suicide dive, but while taking out Cody also crashed into the guardrail himself.

However, this got Bryan to fire himself up and on getting back in the ring, he hit some kicks. While Cody hit another shot to the ribs, Bryan hit the dropkick into the corner, before heading up top for the diving headbutt. However, Cody rolled out of the way and Bryan crashed and burned. Booker T's music kicked in and he ran down the ramp and went at it with Rhodes. Booker got some good shots in, but Cody managed to escape.

Back form break, Teddy & Aksana were talking when Cody stormed in bitching about what happened. He demanded a match with Booker. Teddy said he was thinking the same thing. They would fight at TLC and it would be for the IC Title. Cody asked what Aksana was staring at. She said nothing, but was clear that she liked what she saw in Cody.

Josh & Cole recapped Wade's win earlier in the night, setting the time Orton would have to beat. We sent it to Matt Striker who was with Orton. Orton told Striker to ask Wade what his thoughts were since he claims to be the voice in his head. Orton said Wade did Ziggler a favour by winning quickly. He likes to take his time and make sure the proper amount of suffering was inflicted. Now, while Dolph would still suffer, it would just end quickly. He also said he had Wade exactly where he wanted him.


16: Funeral Party - "New York Moves To The Sound Of L.A."

Randy Orton def. Dolph Ziggler in a "Symbolism, Cole! Symbolism..." Beat The Clock match in 7:51
Orton wasted no time hitting an immediate dropkick, picking up a couple of quick counts and then a suplex for another one. Ziggler came back and took Orton into the corner, hitting numerous stomps before floating over a charge. However, Orton stayed on top, hitting another knee drop off a 2 count.

Ziggler kicked Orton in the knee and hit the Fameasser for a 2 count as he begun to really take control. He locked on a wacky chinlock with a bodyscissors. Orton got back to his feet and shook Ziggler off only to eat a DDT for a 2 count. The jumping elbow drop picked up another 2 count for Mr. Ziggles before he locked on another chinlock. Again, Orton got to his feet and broke the hold. However, this time, Orton was hit with a neckbreaker with 3:30 to go.

Ziggler went up top, but was cut off, with Orton then hitting a top rope superplex. This picked up a 2 count, which annoyed Orton. The snap powerslam got another 2 count. The backbreaker picked up 2 for Orton as well. Ziggler tried to play cat and mouse to milk the clock, but that didn't last long and back in the ring, the ZigZag was blocked and the Elevated DDT picked up a 2 count as a minute ticked in. Ziggler rolled out of the ring. Orton went out and hit a clothesline before rolling him back in. However, from behind and from the crowd, Wade Barrett pushed Orton into the ringpost. Orton only just made it in at 9. However, as the clock ticked down to 10 seconds left, he slipped in and as Ziggler charged, Orton hit the RKO and picked up the three count with just 2 seconds left on the clock.

Orton got no time to celebrate however before Barrett ran in the ring (from the other side) and hit the Black Hole Slam. He stood over Orton and sarcastically congratulated Wade for winning and getting to make the pick. However, he wanted to help and had his own suggestion. He tossed Randy out of the ring and shoved over the ladder and threw away the chair. He was set to give Orton Wasteland through the table, but Orton slipped out. Orton set for a powerbomb, but Wade drove him into the side of the ring and then rammed him into the ring steps before running for his life up the ramp.

As Orton watched, he realised that Dolph was next to dead at ringside, so he grabbed him and gave Ziggler the powerbomb through the table, the pair staring each other down as the show ended.

OVERALL - Last week, I noted that once you got over the conceit of it being a Xmas show in November, it was a pretty fun show. This week, I don't think I can give it such leeway. Because the whole show was built around an idea that someone could win a choice when there was only one possible conclusion.

While at Money In The Bank, you'll get 2 matches of the same gimmick, and the last couple of years of Hell In A Cell they've not done much to make the Cell matches all that different, you so rarely get two matches of the same gimmick on the same card on WWE PPVs. So rarely, you could say "never" without being too inaccurate.

So suffice to say that knowing that Punk, Miz & Del Rio are in a TLC match, that Henry & Show are in a chairs match and HHH & Nash are in a ladder match, there was only ever one outcome that tonight's show was going to produce. The fact that Wade & Orton's match would be the tables match. And that was annoying. Don't get me wrong, the matches involved were fine enough, especially the latter. Just that no matter who won, in what order or in what time, the result was always going to be the same. That's not in the slightest compelling TV.

I mean, why not say "Wade & Randy are going to have a tables match, but one of them is going to have an advantage going in, the person who wins their match in the fast time has to go through two tables to lose. The other only has to go through 1." Or just something where there is some possible intrigue in what the result will actually lead to. The rest of the show was fine, largely being squash matches, but they were inoffensive enough. The stuff with Daniel Bryan & Cole I really enjoyed, and I liked the stuff with cody & Booker. And indeed, I liked Cody & Bryan's match.

If you read the spoilers, you'll have seen that taped for this show was a Divas tag match, once again pitting AJ & Kaitlyn against Pin-Up Strong. And once again, Beth & Nattie kicked ass, only to have Kaitlyn turn on AJ afterwards and join the heels. I didn't mention it because it wasn't on the show I watched to review.

I don't know why it was cut from the show, be it that they changed their mind on the whole heel turn, decided to have it on RAW on Monday to fill some of it's three hours or if it was a simple time issue (much like the 2001 European Title match and change between Bradshaw and Christian). It'll be interesting to see why it was cut. However, as a little treat, here's some fan filmed footage of it.



You can contact Aaron via his personal Facebook or the WWI Fan Page. All he asks is that if you do "friend" him personally that you write a little note noting that you read the reviews.

Or if you are on Twitter, Aaron can be reached at twitter.com/aaron24wood or the WWI Twitter feed at twitter.com/clubwwi.

You can join Aaron in the online gaming world either on the XBox 360 or the superior Playstation 3. Either way, his screen-name is aaron24wood



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