Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Randy Orton Beats The Clock And Picks The Only Match Left To Choose From
By Aaron Wood Dec 9, 2011 - 5:17 PM
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got much to note this week. Been too busy working and dealing with
snow and wind. All I have to note is that this week, we enter the
top 20 of my "Most listened 2011 tracks on iTunes"
countdown from 20 to 16.
LAST
WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: A fat guy with a beard celebrated Xmas,
Ted DiBiase decided to hand out toys mid-match rather in the parking
lot with his friends, Anyone with a shitty lawyer lived vicariously
through Randy Orton, Hornswoggle won the battle of the Irish and then
wouldn't shut up and Mark Henry continued the new WWE tradition of
giants hitting moves out of the corner form the ropes...
THIS
WEEK… Oh,
the multiple layers of irony.... We
kicked off this week with a look at Booker T being tended to by refs
and medics. Not highlights of last week's backstage attack, mind
you. No, this was "just before the show went ont he air",
as we saw Booker was down in the aisle, as Cody Rhodes was standing
by proud of what he had clearly just done. Indeed, we right to a
highlight clip of Booker T coming out only for Cody to run him down
form behind and attack him all around the guardrail area.
As
Cody stood at ringside by the announce table, they sent it to Tony
Chimel who introduced the returning Lillian Garcia. However, she
barely got started when Cody, now standing on the announce desk, cut
her off.
Now
I HAVE TO digress here. You see, in the spoilers many read, it
suggested that Cody took Lillian's spot and on another website's
forum, which shall remain nameless, a huge discussion broke out
started by folk who were offended on Lillian's behalf at being,
essentially, bullied in this way and how the WWE likes to get it's
jollies in humiliating certain people, in Lillian's case someone who
left and came back. My take on it was that it kinda made sense for
Cody to "show Booker how it was done" in some way and that
it wasn't as if Lillian was only back for one night. However, I
noted that a better idea would have been to take Booker's spot in
that case.
Oh
the irony...
Cody
said he hated to be the purveyor of the truth but no cared she was
back and no-one noticed she was left. But he was tickled that one
announcer returned as one (looking at Booker's chair) left. If he
didn't send the message loud enough last week, he was clear tonight.
But who would fill the chair and spew clichés, rudimentary
commentary and talk about fave fives with 11 guys in it? But who?
He was. Cody told Booker to watch and learn something...sucka...
Wade
Barrett def. Ezekiel Jackson in a "Hey Zeke...good to have you
back and kicking so much ass..." Beat The Clock match in
7:53 I
should note that there were tables, ladders and chairs set up all
around the ringside area. Josh said that it was Randy Orton vs. Wade
Barrett at the PPV and whomever won their singles match in the
fastest time would get to pick form a tables match, ladder match or
chairs match. And since there's already a ladder and chairs match on
the card, take a guess at the outcome already...
Correct.
Wade
tried going for quick pins, but that wasn't going to fly. After
busting out of a side headlock and hitting a back elbow, he picked up
a couple of counts. Cole noted that if Zeke won, all Orton would
have to do would be win later on. Barrett took control for a short
minute, but Wade took out a leg and then sent Jackson through the
corner into the ringpost for a 2 count. Wade locked on a chinlock
and when Jackson got out, Wade hit a mule kick and a pumphandle slam
as we took a break.
We
came back about three minutes later on the clock as Wade had a
chinlock on, but Jackson backed Wade into the corner. Jackson began
to work a come back, hitting clotheslines and shots in the corner.
Jackson hit a side slam, but it picked up a 2 count. Big Zeke
started with the bodyslams and went for the Torture Rack, but Wade
slipped out. He wanted Wasteland, but Jackson slipped out of that.
However, as he bounced Barrett off the ropes, Wade hit the Black Hole
Slam for the win at 7:53.
Wade
got himself a mic. He said when he started the Barrett Barrage, it
was to take him to the title, but Orton has stood in his way, so he
did what no man had done to hiim before. He had humiliated Orton
(Cody, who once bagged Orton said NOTHING) and beaten Randy.
Repeatedly. Orton always had the psychological advantage over his
opponents. But not him. He was the only voice in Orton's head right
now. And it was telling Orton he was out of time. They noted that
Orton would be facing Ziggler in his match.
20:
The Streets (Feat. Rob Harvey) - "Going Through Hell"
We
came back from break as we saw a graphic for the truly epic
Sledgehammer Ladder match between HHH & Kevin Nash. Yeesh...
We
cut backstage to see Teddy Long with David Otunga. Jennifer Hudson's
own personal Jamieson was bitching about being put in the match by
Foley last week. He was a member of the RAW roster. He was only
there for that party. Otunga said his loss should be expunged from
his record. Long agreed Foley could get carried away. But he was a
WWE Superstar, and thus subject to the whim of the ruling authority.
And since he was here on Smackdown, he had an opponent for a
particular Superstar. Otunga tried to bitch, but Teddy pointed out
that he was there, so he was competing. Otunga was all "Whatevs"
and asked who he was facing. Sheamus.
A
match I both really DO and really DON'T want to see... Josh
Mathews was in the ring as he introduced Daniel Bryan, which led to
Michael Cole to start his usual spiel. Bryan had his ribs taped up.
Josh asked what was in his mind. Bryan said being in the cage was
painful, but moreso the disappointment of letting people down and not
having everything he ever wanted. He let it slide through his
fingers.
Suddenly,
Michael Cole LOST. HIS. SHIT. ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ENOUGH!
ENOUGH! They got engaged in a shouting match. When they let each
other talk, Bryan said he didn't know what Cole's problem was, and he
didn't know why Cole didn't respect him. Cole, absolutely agog at
the mere notion of showing Bryan any respect whatsoever said that he
was out there whining about blowing his shot at the World Title, and
when he fails cashing in his case, he'll whine about that too.
He
accused Bryan of not earning the title shot last week, to which Bryan
astutely pointed out he made Cody tap out. That's how he earned the
shot. He's earned everything he's done since he came. Cole told
Bryan he should go away. Bryan got out of the ring and approached
Cole, but Cody got up and attacked Bryan from behind, running him
doen and putting some boots to him before officials broke it up, with
Cole yelling at Bryan all the while. Also, Cody left the announce
desk at this point.
Didn't
need the yelling over each other, but this was pretty good, since it
felt quite genuine. And that's the thing. I really don't want to
see Daniel Bryan vs. Michael Cole in a match. But at the same time,
that was so good, I really wanna see Daniel Bryan vs. Michael Cole in
a match.
19:
Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds - "The Death of You And
Me"
Back
from break, we saw an advert for this coming week's Slammy Awards
RAW, as it seemed to suggest that "Match Of The Year",
"superstar Of The Year", "Diva Of The Year",
"Reaction Of The Year" (highlighted by The Miz Girl winning
it last year), and "Breakout Star Of The Year" as it's
categories.
We
saw a clip of what happened before the break, as Cole went beet red
in the face yelling about Daniel Bryan.
Zack
Ryder def. Heath Slater in a "Good thing he has the match,
because wins over Slater wouldn't help his case..."
match Slater
was already in the ring as Ryder came out, another person for Michael
Cole to kvetch about. Zack seemed to start off quickly, but was
caught with a kick that allowed Slater to take over. After Slater
punted Ryder in the ribs and took Ryder into the corner, Zack got the
knees up on the charge, allowing him to quickly the Broski Boot and
the Rough Ryder for the win.
Ted
DiBiase def. Jinder Mahal in a "Well, that's that feud blown off
already...again..." match Back
from break, DiBiase made his way out. Unlike the previous match,
Mahal got an entrance. Not only that, he got a PIP promo as Mahal
bitched about DiBiase distracting him last week and would face the
ramifications. However, just because he got an entrance, it didn't
mean he fared any better than Slater. DiBiase was all over Mahal
early, but when he got on the second rope, Mahal swept the leg and
took control. Mahal got in some decent offence, including a
butterfly suplex and European uppercut. However, after he released
it, TD2 hit the misdirection clothesline. Mahal came back and hit
the high knee. However, as he looked like he was thinking of
finishing him off, DiBiase caught him with a cradle for the three
count.
18:
Enter Shikari - "Quelle Surprise"
Actually,
incredibly ironically, "quelle f***in surprise" is about
right here... (Honestly, it's placing in the list is totally legit
and to be honest, this was the best place to put the video in the
article) We
came back to see Big Show posing in the corner. Yeah, he's a regular
ol' rope climber now... He noted it had been nine year since he beat
Brock Lesnar (yep, he invoked Lesnar's name) in MSG to become WWE
Champion. A lot of people said it couldn't be done and he was a
hopeless underachiever. But he made the impossible possible by
beating him. 9 years is a long time, huh? And he's been waiting for
the perfect time to win the title once again. And he thinks that TLC
is that perfect time. He said it would get mean and nasty but vowed
to slam the doors of the Hall Of Pain shut.
Henry
came out, but stopped short at the foot of the aisle. He wasn't
afraid of Show, but he was halfway-hurt. He wasn't looking for a
fight, to the point he didn't even tape his ankle up. He told the
crowd to shut up, the crowd responding with a "You Shut Up"
chant. He wanted to say something face to face, but he wanted Show
to promise he wasn't going to put his hands on him. Uhhh...thinking
hard...No.
Henry
said Show talked about his journey and legacy. But what if he loses.
He was going to have as much Henry he could handle at the PPV. He
just wanted a courtesy for the World Champion. This time, Big Show
promised to not lay his hands on him while he was talking and in the
ring. Henry got in the ring and said they had a lot in common. They
were two of the greatest big men to come into the business. They
were both champions, albeit Henry was the current one. At TLC, he
should be 100% and then Show would get all of Henry he could handle.
They would have a fight people would talk about for decades.
They
had done some mean and hateful things to each other. But how about
they let bygones be bygones and may the best man win. He extended
his hand, and while Show hesitated, he shook it eventually. However,
Henry had one more thing to say. He could see Big Show think he was
a monster. But Show thought it, Henry knew he was.
With
that, he sucker punched Show with a right hand, leading to Show
spearing Henry. He dropped and elbow on the leg and while Henry
slipped out side, Show followed him, got himself a chair and whacked
Henry in the back with itas he crawled before hitting Henry in the
knee with it. He tossed the chair in the ring and left as official
came out to break things up. Busy night for those guys.
17:
The Lonely Island - "No Homo"
Lillian
introduced the special guest ring announcer for the next match,
Hornswoggle. He danced around with Lillian. He said he wanted to do
this for a really long time, before introducing the combatants.
Funny moment saw Otunga walk to ringside as we saw Horny motion to
him to hurry up.
Sheamus
def. David Otunga in a "And with that, a lesson has surely been
learned..." match Sheamus
took control early on with his usual clubbing blows, adding a suplex
back into the ring from the apron. However, Otunga telegraphed a
backdrop, hitting a big shoulderblock. He then propelled himself off
the middle rope to hit a couple of elbow drops. Otunga hit a couple
of blows in the corner. This actually put a smile on Sheamus's face
to the point of near laughter. However, when Otunga grabbed his
cheeks asking if it was funny, Sheamus got PISSED. It was all
Sheamus from there as a powerslam and Brogue Kick soon ended it.
After announcing him as the winner, Hornswoggle raised his hand in
victory. Well, as much as a midget can.
We
suddenly cut to the "Look Within" promo from RAW. It
didn't interfere with the picture or anything, and going out, while
it did the glitching, it went to an ad break.
Cody
Rhodes def. Daniel Bryan by DQ in a "The inevitable Bryan &
Booker vs. Cody & Cole match is going to be horribly lopsided,
isn't it?" match We
came back to see Bryan coming out once again, followed by Cody.
Bryan hit kicks early, but Rhodes grabbed one of them and took Bryan
down, dropping an elbow on his ribs, beginning to work them over.
Bryan came back with the flying clothesline, ut Cody caught caught
Bryan with another rib shot before picking up a 2 count off a
Gordbuster. A hard whip into the corner also picked up a 2 count for
Cody. Bryan blocked a suplex, but eventually was elevated to the
apron, where Cody sent him into the ring post as we took a break.
We
came back and Rhodes had an abdominal stretch locked on. We saw that
Bryan had been dropped ribs-first on the guardrail during the break.
Cody charged Bryan at the ropes, but was elevated over the top rope
right to the floor. Bryan hit a suicide dive, but while taking out
Cody also crashed into the guardrail himself.
However,
this got Bryan to fire himself up and on getting back in the ring, he
hit some kicks. While Cody hit another shot to the ribs, Bryan hit
the dropkick into the corner, before heading up top for the diving
headbutt. However, Cody rolled out of the way and Bryan crashed and
burned. Booker T's music kicked in and he ran down the ramp and went
at it with Rhodes. Booker got some good shots in, but Cody managed
to escape.
Back
form break, Teddy & Aksana were talking when Cody stormed in
bitching about what happened. He demanded a match with Booker.
Teddy said he was thinking the same thing. They would fight at TLC
and it would be for the IC Title. Cody asked what Aksana was staring
at. She said nothing, but was clear that she liked what she saw in
Cody.
Josh
& Cole recapped Wade's win earlier in the night, setting the time
Orton would have to beat. We sent it to Matt Striker who was with
Orton. Orton told Striker to ask Wade what his thoughts were since
he claims to be the voice in his head. Orton said Wade did Ziggler a
favour by winning quickly. He likes to take his time and make sure
the proper amount of suffering was inflicted. Now, while Dolph would
still suffer, it would just end quickly. He also said he had Wade
exactly where he wanted him.
16:
Funeral Party - "New York Moves To The Sound Of L.A."
Randy
Orton def. Dolph Ziggler in a "Symbolism, Cole! Symbolism..."
Beat The Clock match in 7:51 Orton
wasted no time hitting an immediate dropkick, picking up a couple of
quick counts and then a suplex for another one. Ziggler came back
and took Orton into the corner, hitting numerous stomps before
floating over a charge. However, Orton stayed on top, hitting
another knee drop off a 2 count.
Ziggler
kicked Orton in the knee and hit the Fameasser for a 2 count as he
begun to really take control. He locked on a wacky chinlock with a
bodyscissors. Orton got back to his feet and shook Ziggler off only
to eat a DDT for a 2 count. The jumping elbow drop picked up another
2 count for Mr. Ziggles before he locked on another chinlock. Again,
Orton got to his feet and broke the hold. However, this time, Orton
was hit with a neckbreaker with 3:30 to go.
Ziggler
went up top, but was cut off, with Orton then hitting a top rope
superplex. This picked up a 2 count, which annoyed Orton. The snap
powerslam got another 2 count. The backbreaker picked up 2 for Orton
as well. Ziggler tried to play cat and mouse to milk the clock, but
that didn't last long and back in the ring, the ZigZag was blocked
and the Elevated DDT picked up a 2 count as a minute ticked in.
Ziggler rolled out of the ring. Orton went out and hit a clothesline
before rolling him back in. However, from behind and from the crowd,
Wade Barrett pushed Orton into the ringpost. Orton only just made it
in at 9. However, as the clock ticked down to 10 seconds left, he
slipped in and as Ziggler charged, Orton hit the RKO and picked up
the three count with just 2 seconds left on the clock.
Orton
got no time to celebrate however before Barrett ran in the ring (from
the other side) and hit the Black Hole Slam. He stood over Orton and
sarcastically congratulated Wade for winning and getting to make the
pick. However, he wanted to help and had his own suggestion. He
tossed Randy out of the ring and shoved over the ladder and threw
away the chair. He was set to give Orton Wasteland through the
table, but Orton slipped out. Orton set for a powerbomb, but Wade
drove him into the side of the ring and then rammed him into the ring
steps before running for his life up the ramp.
As
Orton watched, he realised that Dolph was next to dead at ringside,
so he grabbed him and gave Ziggler the powerbomb through the table,
the pair staring each other down as the show ended.
OVERALL
- Last week, I noted that once you got over the conceit of it being a
Xmas show in November, it was a pretty fun show. This week, I don't
think I can give it such leeway. Because the whole show was built
around an idea that someone could win a choice when there was only
one possible conclusion.
While
at Money In The Bank, you'll get 2 matches of the same gimmick, and
the last couple of years of Hell In A Cell they've not done much to
make the Cell matches all that different, you so rarely get two
matches of the same gimmick on the same card on WWE PPVs. So rarely,
you could say "never" without being too inaccurate.
So
suffice to say that knowing that Punk, Miz & Del Rio are in a TLC
match, that Henry & Show are in a chairs match and HHH & Nash
are in a ladder match, there was only ever one outcome that tonight's
show was going to produce. The fact that Wade & Orton's match
would be the tables match. And that was annoying. Don't get me
wrong, the matches involved were fine enough, especially the latter.
Just that no matter who won, in what order or in what time, the
result was always going to be the same. That's not in the slightest
compelling TV.
I
mean, why not say "Wade & Randy are going to have a tables
match, but one of them is going to have an advantage going in, the
person who wins their match in the fast time has to go through two
tables to lose. The other only has to go through 1." Or just
something where there is some possible intrigue in what the result
will actually lead to. The rest of the show was fine, largely being
squash matches, but they were inoffensive enough. The stuff with
Daniel Bryan & Cole I really enjoyed, and I liked the stuff with
cody & Booker. And indeed, I liked Cody & Bryan's match.
If
you read the spoilers, you'll have seen that taped for this show was
a Divas tag match, once again pitting AJ & Kaitlyn against Pin-Up
Strong. And once again, Beth & Nattie kicked ass, only to have
Kaitlyn turn on AJ afterwards and join the heels. I didn't mention
it because it wasn't on the show I watched to review.
I
don't know why it was cut from the show, be it that they changed
their mind on the whole heel turn, decided to have it on RAW on
Monday to fill some of it's three hours or if it was a simple time
issue (much like the 2001 European Title match and change between
Bradshaw and Christian). It'll be interesting to see why it was cut.
However, as a little treat, here's some fan filmed footage of
it.
You
can contact Aaron via his personal
Facebook or the WWI
Fan Page. All he asks is that if you do "friend"
him personally that you write a little note noting that you read the
reviews.
