Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Zack Ryder. Main Eventer. (OK, It Was In A Tag Match And He Didn't Get The Pin, But Still...)
By Aaron Wood Dec 16, 2011 - 6:02 PM
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might have been able to read this a couple of hours ago. But then I
fell alseep. Yeah, I'm a working man. And a working man who had to
shovel his car out of some snow this morning. Anyway, the entire
point is that the previous sentences were merely filler for me to
note that we hit the top 15 in my countdown of "Most Listened To
Songs of 2011", going from 15-11 and thusly making it look more
like a full paragraph.
LAST
WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: The Phantom of The Opera joined
commentary, David Otunga realised he should just stop showing up,
Lillian Garcia & Hornswoggle battled it out to be the better ring
announcer, nothing happened with the Divas...NOTHING... and Ziggler
got booked for a table with one with Randall as his waiter.
THIS
WEEK… He
may suck at announcing, but dude can still promo We
opened up the show with a sense of Deja Vu, as after Josh & Cole
hyped up the main matches, Booker T came out, as Josh introduced him
for an interview. Now this did leave Cole to rant and rave over
clips over Cody's assault during Booker's entrance last week and then
Booker's comeback later in the night.
Josh
suggested that after last week and Tribute To The Troops he might be
ready for Sunday. Does Booker look ready? Damn right. Booker siad
he didn't want this. He was happy with the next stage of his career
sitting next to Josh on commentary (The hell with Michael Cole, by
the way). But this wasn't about anything Booker said. This was
about Cody's ego, needing to legitimise himself, and he wasn't gonna
get it done at Booker's expense.
Josh
asked about a full-time return to the ring. Booker hadn't thought
about that and would cross that bridge when it came to it. However,
it had been a long time since he felt how he did, so Cody was getting
the beatdown of a lifetime. Can one be accepting of that,
sucker?
Cody
came out and said it was a lovely bit of fantasy fiction Booker had.
Cody went over what would happen on Sunday. Booker's music would hit
and the crowd would smile and get a lovely sense of nostalgia for
Booker's better days. They would likely see a flurry of offence that
would get the world saying "Booker T is back!". If it were
a movie, Booker would win the match, take the title and cry while
Cody would leave embarrassed and defeated.
But
it wasn't a movie, announcer. What was going to happen when reality
set in and fall to Cody. Booker got back on the microphone and
wanted to start the fisticuffs right now. However, Cody said he's
faced Daniel Bryan twice and twice, Booker has interfered. So he
went to Teddy Long and the deal was that if Booker interfered in
Cody's impending match with Bryan, the title match would be off and
Rhodes would petition to have Booker suspended.
Cody
Rhodes def. Daniel Bryan in a "Well, suffice to say that
Sunday's still on..." match Bryan
made his way out, with his ribs still taped. Booker, having rejoined
the announcers, was all "You're kidding me, right?". Bryan
looked for an early LeBell Lock, but Cody managed to slip out of the
ring, right by Booker as we took a break. We came back as Bryan hit
a flying boot (which looked low) before working Cody over. However,
from the apron, Cody blocked a suplex and gave Bryan one of his own
from the ring to the floor. Back in the ring, he hit the Gordbuster
for a 2 count.
Cody
locked on a bodyscissors, targeting the injured ribs of Bryan, He
got out and started hitting kicked, but Cody caught a leg and stomped
on the ribs before hitting a clothesline for a 2 count to which he
smirked at Booker. Bryan got a backslide and then an Oklahoma Roll
for quick 2 counts. Bryan got his boots up on a charge and hit a
missile dropkick for a 2 count. Bryan hit kicks in the corner, but
his charge was blocked. Rhodes went up for a moonsault, but Bryan
cut him off and hit a back superplex, but in mid-air, Rhodes turned
it into a bodypress for a 2 count.
Rhodes
missed the Beautiful Disaster, and Bryan rolled Cody up for 2.
However in rolled out of the pin, Cody found a position to hit the
CrossRhodes, picking up the three count. Cody went to a corner to
pose and continue to smugly smirk at Booker.
15:
Kasabian - "Goodbye Kiss" (I'd like to note this is
probably my actual 2nd favourite song of this year. Were it released
earlier in the year, it'd have been higher)
Alicia
Fox def. Natalya in a I wonder how many dudes are using tissues
themselves right now..." match Both
Alicia and Natalya came out alone. However, Natalya had brought a
box of tissues with her, signifying her like of making others cry.
She tired to wipe Fox's eye as the bell rung, but this just allowed
Fox to grab a side headlock. She was pushed off into the corner and
then had a sunset flip blocked as well. Natalya worked the ribs,
locking on an abdominal stretch. Natalya rolled up Alicia for 2.
There was possibly some form of botch/miscommunication here because
it looked like Fox was waiting for Natalya to bounce herself back off
the ropes when Nattie just stopped at them. When Fox then got up,
she immediately gave Natalya an inside cradle for the three
count.
Emerging
from the pin, we saw that Alicia had a great big handful of Natalya's
fake weave. She got on the mic and said "synthetic was
pathetic" (HA!) and that Natalya should go to the back and have
a good cry, because she had been out-foxed. Natalya got angry and
back into the ring, but Alicia dropped Natalya and hit the somersault
leg drop.
The
announcers talked about the Tribute To The Troops before mentioning
the Slammys. I should note that Cole was sat at the announce with
his THREE Slammy awards. Yeah. he got another one via wwe.com.
While they would recap that show later, they wanted to take a look at
"Pipebomb Of The Year" there and then. Well, the gag reel
part of it.
We
cut backstage to Jack Swagger & Vickie as Mark Henry walked up.
He needed a favour from Swagger. last time he saw Swagger in the
ring with Big Show, he hurt Show's ankle. So he needed Swagger to do
the same again. He does, and Swagger goes to the head of the line
for a title shot. Swagger said he would hurt Big Show, not for Henry
but himself. He's beaten Big Show before. Something Henry hadn't
done. This annoyed Henry and he left.
14:
Example - "Changed The Way You Kiss Me"
Epico
& Primo def. The Usos in a "Colon > Fatu"
match The
Usos did the Siva Tau, while Epico & Primo came out without
Huncio but had Rosa with them, who was jiggling her jammies. Could
do with some of Natalya's tissues right now... The Usos started off
on top, making quick tags, wotking over Epico. However, he blocked a
charge and while Epico took the referee, Primo hung Jimmy Uso
allowing the cousins to take control with quick tags themselves. Uso
fought back and made the hot tag to his brother, who ran wild and hit
a spinning forearm and ass splash for a 2 count. Epico broke up the
pin, but Jimmy dumped him out only to be dumped by Primo. Jey
dropped Primo with a superkick. However as Uso went up top, Rosa
started yelling at him long enough for Primo to cut him off and hit
the Backstabber for the win. Yeah, Primo & Epico won using
Carlito's move.
We
took a look back at July 2010 when wagger injured Big Show's
ankle.
Big
Show def. Mark Henry in a "Can't wait for the upcoming Henry &
Swagger vs. Big Show & Cameraman match..." match Before
the pair locked up, Mark Henry hobbled out with a chair in his hand.
Swagger tried to get the drop on Show, but that was an epic fail.
However, Swagger quickly came back, taking out the leg and then
hitting a shoulderblock. However, Big Show mowed down Swagger right
back. Henry had taken residence at the foot of the aisle, sitting in
the chair.
Show
hit a scoop slam, but directed his attention at Henry. He gave
Swagger another one and then took more time to stare at Henry. He
choked Jack in the ropes before giving him a big chop. The crowd
chanted for one more and after quietening them, gave them another.
Big Show missed a charge thanks to watching Henry. Swagger caught a
kick of Show's and dropped down with the leg across his shoulder,
backbreaker-style. He gave Show 2 Swagger Bombs, but it only picked
up a 2 count. By that math, he should try three in a row next
time.
Big
Show made a comeback running Swagger down before going for a
chokeslam. However, Swagger rolled through into an ankle lock. Big
Show. Show caught sight of Henry willing him to tap out, got pissed
off, kicked Swagger off of him and immediately hit the WMD for the
three count.
Show
grabbed Swagger by the throat and pushed him out of the ring, right
in front of Henry's feet. He took the chair and smacked Swagger in
the back with it before then smacking a cameraman who was facing the
other way filming Big Show in the back with it. As he left, Henry
said "expect the unexpected".
13:
Cage The Elephant - "Shake Me Down"
Back
from break, Randy Orton was taping up his wrists when Zack Ryder
walked in. Ryder was wondering if they were on the same page. No.
How about the same book then? Maybe. Maybe? MEAYBE'S SICK! WWWYKI!
Ryder left and Orton wondered what just happened.
Ted
DiBiase def. Heath Slater in a "Yeah...again..."
match Slater
was already in the ring while during Ted#s entrance, we saw clips
from a DiBiase Posse Party. That said, it didn't look as much like
tailgating as it was fans in the queue waiting to get in. DiBiase
went for some quick pins early on, to Slater's frustration. Heath
bitch-slapped him, which just pissed off Ted something rotten.
he
tossed Slater out and rammed him into the guardrail before
clotheslining him on the floor. However, Slater reversed a hard whip
into the corner and took control. He stretched DiBiase around the
ringpost before hitting a downward elbow from the top rope. Ted
broke out of the chinlock, but took a Side Russian Legsweep.
However, he came off the ropes into an atomic drop, DiBiase then hit
a flying boot, misdirection clothesline and Dream Street for the
win.
Before
he could celebrate, Jinder Mahal attacked Ted from behind, locking on
a Camel Clutch. Teddy Long came out and said if Jinder wanted to
fight so bad, he had an opponent for him, someone who he had
unfinished business with from Monday and who he was facing there and
then. Sheamus.
Sheamus
def. Jinder Mahal in a "HAPPY NOW?!?! He pinned the shitty
jobber. Does this please you???" match The
opening bell rang after the break. It lasted longer than the RAW
"match" in the opening lock-up alone. Sheamus dropped
Mahal and then dropped a knee on Mahal's arm. Sheamus with the
clubbing blows to the back. He set up Mahal in the ropes, but Mahal
elbowed Sheamus, which pissed Sheamus off, leading to a foot race.
Sheamus caught Mahal and gave him the clubbing chest blows facing
into the ring instead of to the crowd.
He
followed with the slingshot shoulderblock. However, Mahal got some
offence in, after Sheamus missed a charge, hitting a neckbreaker
before putting on a chinlock. Mahal hit a couple of blows to the
chest, but once again, this just tended to annoy Sheamus, who fired
up and fired back with blows in the corner followed by the Irish
Curse. The Brogue Kick was then hit once again, this time making the
three count for the pin.
12:
Funeral Party - "Finale"
Back
from break, they pimped wwe.com's coverage of the Tribute To The
Troops show, before sending it back to a lengthy recap of the Slammy
Awards show. Interesting to note that they re-edited it to look like
that when Punk won "Superstar Of The Year" that that was
when he came out with the mannequin in the Dynamic Dudes shirt
(providing another clip of the awesome tribute to Johnny Ace), even
though the graphic for "Pipebomb Of The Year" was obviously
in the background. It ended with Kane's return, making Big Red look
like a scary-ass mofo. I hope they give some sort of explanation as
to why he went for Cena and not Henry. I mean, he stared Henry down
when he got in the ring before chokeslamming Cena.
Cole
noted his latest Slammy Award but didn't say what it was for, telling
people to go to WWE.com to see what it was for. They did what looked
like being a PPV card rundown, but after mentioning Big Show vs. Mark
Henry, they abruptly cut to a full-length video package on the HHH
vs. Kevin Nash match. They then didn't go back and mention any of
the other matches.
11:
OK Go - "All Is Not Lost"
Randy
Orton & Zack Ryder def. Wade Barrett & Dolph Ziggler in a
"Woo Woo Woo You RK-Know It" match Randy
Orton came out before the break as we saw that a couple of tables had
been set up in the aisle. After the break, we saw the "Control"
video from RAW before we cut back into the show with Josh in
mid-sentence and as Ryder came out, followed by Ziggler &
Barrett, who was fashioning his new shirt.
Ryder
and Ziggler started things off, with Ziggler grabbing a headlock.
Ryder got out of it and after a leapfrog, he hit a flapjack on
Ziggler before tagging in Orton. He stood over Ziggler while staring
at Barrett. Orton hit a suplex for a 2 count barely taking his gaze
off of Wade. Zack tagged back in, but Dolph was able to catch him
with a shot to tak control. Barrett tagged in and went to work on
Ryder in the corner, before hitting headbutt for a 2 count.
Ryder
came back with a splash in the corner before tagging in Orton, but
Wade ran away and tagged Ziggler while jumping out of the ring.
Ziggler hit some shots, but Orton fired back. However after giving
Wade a shot, Mr. Ziggles got the jump on him. Orton's backbreaker
was blocked, but a Ryder dropkick sent Ziggler out where he and Wade
regrouped as we took a final break.
We
came back with Orton hitting mounted punches in the corner followed
by a knee drop for a 2 count. Ziggler telegraphed a backdrop and
unbeknownst to Orton, Wade tagged in, hitting a big boot on Randy.
Swinging neckbreaker followed for a 2 count before a chinlock was
applied. Orton fought out, but took a knee to the gut. Ziggler
tagged in, hitting the leaping elbow drop for a 2 count. Orton came
back with a couple of punches, but ate a dropkick. Dolph trapped the
arm and tagged in Barrett.
Orton
caught Wade with a back suplex and a tag to Ryder. He hit a pair of
forearms to Wade and then blocked a charge to set up the Broski Boot.
Ryder wanted the Rough Ryder, but Wade tossed him over his head and
Ziggler dropped him with a shot to end the momentum. Ryder got a
roll up for 2, but Ziggler rolled through into a single leg crab,
preventing the tag to Orton at the very least, before finally cutting
Zack off with al elbow to the back.
Wade
tagged in and locked on a chinlock. Ryder got out and nearly got a
tag jumping over Barrett. However, Wade adjusted and looked for
Wasteland. However, Ryder elbowed out and hit a DDT, before tagging
in Orton. Dolph came in too, but came right into the snap powerslam.
The hanging neckbreaker picked up 2 when Barrett broke the pin.
Ryder dumped Wade out, but Zack was sent into the guardrail. Ziggler
rolled Orton up with a handful of tights for 2. However the ZigZag
was missed and Orton hit the RKO right away. While Wade had the
opportunity to break the pin, with Orton staring right at him, he
elected not to bother, instead backing up the aisle.
The
show ended with the pair in a staredown with Wade standing on a table
so they were at a similar eye level.
OVERALL
- Pretty good show, but not one that can be noted for anything
particularly major happening, given it's particular emphasis on
in-ring action. While it undoubtedly did a better job of overtly
hyping the PPV on Sunday than RAW (although I think RAW did a good
deal more of a hype job that many are giving it credit for), it
didn't particularly advance any of the feuds beyond where they were
already at. And while the matches themselves were perfectly fine,
especially the opener and the main, none of them were all that
awesome, at least to the point where one could rave about them.
Perfectly enjoyable, but ultimately missable episode. You
can contact Aaron via his personal
Facebook or the WWI
Fan Page. All he asks is that if you do "friend"
him personally that you write a little note noting that you read the
reviews.
