Aaron's UnReal Time Smackdown Review: Randy Orton Gets Gowen'd
By Aaron Wood Dec 30, 2011 - 4:30 PM
so here it is, the final Smackdown of the year. And indeed, the end
of the annual "Most played tracks on my iTunes" countdown.
And yes, I'm fully aware that that title has changed in some way each
and every single week. Anyway, we go from 5 to 1. Well, I did say
final week. It's not like I'd suddenly put up numbers 76 to 71, is
it? As it goes, while a lot had to do with my "This Week in WWE
History" columns, this year has actually marked my
most-productive year on World Wrestling Insanity. ClubWWI? Not so
much, but I'm a working man. We can't all be like Guttman, living
off his many millions. Rumour has it that he's going to buy Greece
and Italy next year and become some sort of Mediterranean
WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Daniel Bryan told us how much he
sucked, Booker did his best Sinatra, Wade Barrett got hosed and
Daniel Bryan made it through the whole show without losing his title,
meaning that he was already one-up on Christian's run...
opened with a pretty awesome hype video for our main event, that
being a Falls Count Anywhere match, based on the fight backstage last
Dustin, here comes your Wrestlemania... After
the credits, Booker T made his way down to the ring, albeit in a
suit. He took a mic and said he asked for the time to say a little
something. He wanted to thank the WWE and the fans as it had been an
awesome year for him. It started at the Rumble with his unexpected
entry. He was then willing to step back and move onto the next stage
of his career and go onto commentary, which was great other than
having to deal with Michael Cole. However, that would be until Cody
Rhodes tried to tempt him back into the ring. However, as we saw on
Monday, Cody got beat 1, 2, 3 in the middle of the ring. He said
that tonight was the final Smackdown 2011 so sit back and enjoy.
was about to finish his speech when he was interrupted by Cody
Rhodes. He said he knew Indianapolis didn't read the newspaper or
keep up with the news outside of a race car taking a left or thier
shitty Colts, but since we're seemingly in year-in-review mode, let's
have a recap of Cody's. He's overcome a career-threatening injury,
he best Mysterio at Wrestlemania and he's brought honour and prestige
back to the IC Title. And no offence Booker, but Cody took a
washed-up announcer and got him to regain some of his former
cut in and pointed out that he beat Cody in the middle of the ring.
If he had any respect for the business, he would be congratulating
him on that. Rhodes said he was absolutely right. He didn't want to
come off as some sort of bitter jerk. Congratulations Booker! Cody
offer a handshake, which Booker accepted. As Booker went to leave,
Cody said "Of course, it's all over". Say what, son? Cody
said Booker was a nostalgia act. His in-ring skills would get worse
every time he's in the ring, and his skills as an announcer would
lead to a reputation as a semi-literate buffoon. Cody told Booker to
do everyone a favour and go home.
were then interrupted by someone rather unexpected. Dustin Rhodes
came out, doing so to the Goldust music, which made for a very weird
sight as he wasn't dressed as Goldust, but as himself in a nice suit
(albeit with golden tie), which led Josh & Cole to make sure to
explain everything. The man who wants to block all non-Christians
from following his Twitter said that he was sorry, as he was his
brother, but he was going about things the wrong way. When he was
down and out and battling every demon he had, it was Booker who
inspired him. He took Dustin under his wing and he had the best time
when they teamed up. He understood that he was trying to make a name
for himself, but this was wrong.
rather amused Cody thought that this was priceless. Just when he
thought there couldn't be a bigger joke than Booker, his brother was
trying to prove him wrong. He didn't care about inspirations, as
these people weren't worth inspiring! And Dustin wants to talk about
knowing better? He Knows he restored the Rhodes family name after
Dustin threw up all over it. And how inspirational was Booker when
after they finished teaming Dustin went right back to those demons
and total obscurity. I wouldn't say his run in TNA was "total
obscurity". I mean, it's hard to be obscure when you consider
the weight Rhodes gained while he was there...
stepped in and said Goldie was more of a man than Cody would ever be.
Booker pointed out that he had one win, Cody had one win. So how
about one more, but this time make it for the title. Cody said he'd
be careful for what he wished for. He was agreeing to one more
match. Next week. But Booker should be careful, because when he
lost, he'd be following Dustin into irrelevancy. Booker said that
next week he and everyone in the arena would be celebrating, as he'd
become the new IC Champion. Booker gave it the ol' "Can You Dig
It, Sucka?" and left to take his seat at ringside. In the ring,
Cody and Dustin had a couple of words before Cody kicked Dustin in
the gut and hit the Beautiful Disaster. Booker got back in the ring
to check on Dustin as the announcers hyped up Big Show & Daniel
Bryan vs. Mark Henry & David Otunga.
The Lonely Island (Feat. Rihanna) - "Shy Ronnie 2: Ronnie &
Mahal def. Ted Dibiase in a "Well, I guess it's perfected now
then..." match As
DiBiase came out, we went back to 2 weeks prior, as after winning he
was attacked by Jinder Mahal, where he locked on a camel clutch.
Cole said that Mahal had perfected the move on Smackdown. No, he
hasn't... Mahal, who has added a turban to his garb, got an inset
promo about New Year's Resolutions. He said every year, Americans
make false resolutions and end up stuck in mediocrity, just like
controlled things early, until Mahal managed to hit a hotshot onto
the top rope, followed by a high knee for a 2 count. Butterfly
suplex by Mahal also picked up a 2 count. He locked on a European
Headlock and laid in some knees. He locked on a chinlock, clubbing
Ted as he tried to fight out. However, when he got out, Ted began
his comeback, hitting the misdirection clothesline and Sky High for a
2 count. Ted went up top, but had to jump over Mahal, when Jinder
got up too quick for Ted. On landing, Ted seemed to tweak his knee,
allowing Mahal to hit a Reverse STO (or the Complete Shot for all you
WWE '12 moveset makers out there) before he locked on the Camel
Clutch, forcing DiBiase to tap out, Mahal actually winning a match
for once in his sorry life. As it goes, credit where it due, this is
probably the best he's ever looked in the ring. That said, that's
not exactly saying much.
Teddy Long was on the phone talking about a New Year's party he was
having. Just as he was saying he had everything he needed, he
mentioned "horns" when wouldn't you know it, Aksana made
her presence known and she had a horn. She was looking forward to a
New Year's kiss from her Teddy bear. Unfortunately, Thaddeus was
about to get cockblocked by the finest man alive, Drew McIntyre.
Drew said Long wanted to see him. Long said he had signed Drew back
when he brought him back, he didn't realise how much money he was
making. When he was on Smackdown last, he was one of the fastest
rising stars in the WWE, but when he went to RAW, his career went
into a tailspin, and Long didn't want to be paying so much for the
drizzling shits. So while Drew was as talented as they come, he
couldn't have someone without the passion he once had, so if he
didn't beat Ezekiel Jackson, he'd have to think about letting him
said that Teddy didn't have to worry about Drew's lack of passion.
He could still get a man on his knees begging for mercy. He was
about to remind Teddy of when he did that exact thing to him, but
Long pretended he couldn't understand a word Drew was saying in his
accent. Drew told him to watch what he did to his opponent.
Kaiser Chiefs - "I Dare You"
Fox & Kaitlyn def. Natalya & Tamina in a "Remember the
aborted angle with Kaitlyn turning heel? This is the kinda
opposite..." match As
Fox & the non-PinUpStrong member Kaitlyn came out first, we saw
Alicia snatching a bit of Natalya's weave a couple of weeks ago.
When Booker corrected Cole on the cradle that Fox used to win the
match, Cole said "We're storytellers!". Kaitlyn &
Tamina started off with Kaitlyn getting a crossbody and then a
dropkick for 2 counts. Natalya provided a distraction soon enough
and the heels took control of things. Natalya hit a Michinoku
Driver, but missed a leg drop. Kaitlyn made the tag, where Alicia
leapfrogged over Natalya on a charge, waited and then hit an axe kick
(although she almost entirely leapfrogged Natalya again on it) for
the win out of nowhere.
the match, Tamina got in the ring and had words with Nattie before
giving her a superkick and Superfly Splash.
from break, we saw the RAW Rebound involving CM Punk's gauntlet,
setting up Punk vs. Ziggler next week for the WWE Title. We then saw
a clip from RAW with Big Show's match with Otunga, with Daniel Bryan
making the distractive save. Backstage, Daniel Bryan was giving AJ
her very own RAW Rebound, recapping what we just saw. At no point
did AJ go "Yeah, I watched the show...". Big Show walked
in and asked to speak to Bryan alone for a moment. Show said giants
didn't need to be saved. Bryan said that's not how he saw it, but
they were partners tonight.
it goes, they weren't. No, Big Show didn't lose his shit ajnd lay
out Bryan. As it goes Teddy Long walked up and said he hated to be
the bearer of bad news but the match was off, but David Otunga still
wanted Big Show. But on this occasion, Mark Henry would be in his
corner. Bryan said maybe giants need saving after all. He left Show
a little dumbfounded with a look that said "I know you're
kidding, but I really wanna punch you, ya midget".
def. Justin Gabriel in a "Between Camacho and Rosa Mendes in the
"seconds with Latino acts" stakes, I'd rather see Rosa..."
came out first, followed by Hunico, who was riding with Camacho on
the low-rider bike. Hunico got an inset promo, where he introduced
Camacho (who is really Haku's son), who was from back in the barrio.
Camacho said they planned on taking over the WWE in 2012. Now, if
you've been watching Superstars, where Hunico & Camacho have
dwelled these last few weeks, you'll know that Josh has expounded at
length about the low-rider bike. As it goes, it was Cole who gace us
a very lengthy and detailed background on the bike.
was sent out to the floor early, but Gabirle missed a baseball slide,
sliding out himself, where Hunico hit an Asai Moonsault, bringing him
back in for a 2 count. Gabriel was whipped hard into the corner, but
Gabriel launched Hunico into the corner himself. He then hit a
splash in the corner, but Hunico ducked under a springboard. Gabriel
hit a sitout powerbomb, but when he went up, Hunico armdragged him
down and quickly hit the Swanton for the win.
the match, Hunico catapulted Gabriel onto Camacho's shoulders, where
they then hit a double-team Samoan Drop/neckbreaker.
the break, we got the opening video once again. But thankfully, we
didn't just start the show over again. That would mean Hunico vs.
Gabriel would be our main event and we'd have been swizzed Orton vs.
The Strokes - "Under Cover Of Darkness"
Show def. David Otunga in a "Somewhere out there, Michael
McGillicutty still wishes he was the one in Otunga's spot"
Show came out, we saw Big Show's awesome WMD last week. Otunga came
out by himself, although it was so Henry got his own entrance. Show
dominated early, with shots to the gut and headbutts. Otunga
powdered out to relieve the punishment, but Henry actually yelled at
him for sucking, ordering him back in the ring. As it goes, Otunga
got some shots in, but Show just fired up and mowed Otunga down.
Jennifer Hudson's baby-daddy took a massive splash in the corner, as
Show told Henry to watch. He called for the chokeslam, but Henry
provided a distraction, allowing Otunga to clip the leg, hit a bunch
of boots to the head and a short DDT for a 2 count. However, Big
Show kicked out with AUTHORITY, sending Otunga out the ring.
as Big Show recovered, Henry started climbing the steps to get in the
ring, but Daniel Bryan came from the crowd and hit Henry in the back
with his belt. This helped lure Henry to the back. Meanwhile, Show
brought Otunga back in the hard way and then hit the WMD for the
saw a clip of Orton winning the tables match he had with Barrett at
TLC. What was interesting is that, for the first time I can ever
recall, the Black Hole Slam Barrett uses was given it's own bespoke
name, "The Winds Of Change".
Jackson def. Drew McIntyre in a "Looks like they are going the
"MVP needs to win to keep his cash" angle with Drew. Hope
Drew enjoys Japan when he gets there..." match Drew
grabbed a side headlock, but Jackson pushed off and hit a slam. Drew
hit some shots, ending with a dropkick for a 2 count. Jackson hit a
wristlock takeover for a quick 2. Jackson took control of the match.
Drew managed to get a cheapshot in while they were at the ropes,
hitting a big boot for a 2 count. He choked Zeke in the ropes,
before hitting a couple of clotheslines in the corner. My Tag Team
Title winning partner on WWE '12's Universe mode then gave Jackson a
Northern Lights suplex for a 2 count.
ran into a backdrop, which started a Jackson comeback with a
clothesline in the corner and side slam for a 2 count. Drew clubbed
away in the corner, but as the ref had words with Drew, Jackson
looked for the Torture Rack. Drew slipped out and then blocked a
charge and folded Jackson up for a pin. However, the referee caught
Drew putting his feet on the ropes. As the pair argued that one out,
Jackson rolled up Drew, grabbing a nice handful of tights in the
process, to pick up the three count.
the cheating bastard looked pleased with himself, Drew had a look on
his face like he was now mortally screwed. After the break, we
joined Drew mid-shouting that the referee screwed him over and that
Teddy shouldn't count that against him. However, Teddy either
remembering what Drew did to him in the past or just pissed at being
cockblocked earlier, told Drew sternly that he couldn't stand losers,
especially ones that make excuses.
The Lonely Island (Feat. Santigold) - "After Party" (This
is, amazingly, the best video out there...)
made his way out to the ring, asking Indianapolis what the craic was.
He said it was the end of 2011 and people were talking about what
had been. But he wanted to talk about the future, namely The Royal
Rumble. 29 fellas flying over the top rope, and the winner getting a
title match at Wrestlemania. He didn't care what number he drew or
who he eliminated, he was gonna win it.
was interrupted by Hornswoggle. Sheamus noted that Horny eliminated
him from the Xmas Battle Royal. Let Sheamus guess, Hornswoggle's
entering the Rumble too, huh? Look, just because Daniel Bryan beat
Big Show, that doesn't mean miracles happen every day. When Horny
iterated that he would win the Rumble, Sheamus said that his ol'
granddad used to say "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice,
you're begging for a kick up the arse". Hornswoggle thought his
friend was joking, but Sheamus retained a stern look, worrying the
leprechaun no end. However, Sheamus cracked up eventually.
Slater's music kicked in. Bushwhacker Luke. Brooklyn Brawler. Even
Hornswoggle. There's always one guy who would claim they would win
the rumble, but couldn't be taken seriously. He wasn't like that
though. That said, he told Sheamus that he was the number one
redhead on Smackdown. Slater told Horny he liked him better when he
didn't speak, and then he didn't like him. And the only reason he
won the Battle Royal was because Sheamus didn't want to squash him.
But he was Heath Slater and he didn't have they problem.
stepped in and said he had nothing against Southern rock. He hears
it's quite good. But he wagered Slater saw himself as a Journey-type
of guy. However, Sheamus saw him more as a R-Kelly sorta bloke. No,
not in the watersports on teenagers-vein. he saw him that way,
because "I Believe I Can Fly". At that, he tossed Slater
over the rope, Rumble-style.
announcers sent to a clip from RAW where Barrett put Orton through a
table a couple of weeks ago.
def. Heath Slater in a "Ginger on Ginger violence never solved
anything..." match Back
from break, this match had been ordered by Teddy "I can't get my
end away with Russian whores so I take it out on the Scots" Long
and was already under-way with Sheamus working the wrist. He tossed
Slater out aain, but this time, Heath landed on the apron. However,
this just resulted in him taking the clubbing blows to the chest.
Slater tried a backslide but Sheamus flipped him out of it. Slater
tried to block a charge, but Sheamus grabbed a boot. As the ref told
Sheamus to break, Slater managed to catch Sheamus with a dropkick to
the leg, before hitting Sweetness for a 2 count. Slater hit a Side
Russian for a 1 count. Slater stomped on Sheamus before giving him a
knee to the gut and a low dropkick. Slater locked in a chinlock, but
Sheamus powered up and backed Slater into the corner to break.
began a comeback from there, pounding on Heath in the corner. He
gave Slater the Battering Ram, before setting for and hitting the
Brogue Kick for the three count. Perfectly acceptable match
Bryan was backstage was Teddy Long. We caught Bryan suggesting that
he was becoming Big Show's good luck charm. However, Big Show walked
in, rather pissed off at the notion he needed his "Good luck
charm" to save the day for him. Big Show flat out said that
Bryan was starting to annoy him. Bryan said he was getting annoyed
since he hadn't gotten a thank you yet. The pair got in an argument,
with Big Show saying the title had gotten to his head.
Long stepped in. He said they could save their thank you's for next
week. When pressed on what he meant, Long said that RAW was having a
big WWE Title match next week with CM Punk facing Dolph Ziggler. So
Teddy had decided to play copycat with Johnny Ace and was thusly
making Bryan vs. Show for the World title on the first Smackdown of
2012. Big Show cracked up, telling Bryan that he had a good little
run. Bryan contemplated this, before noting that whatever happened,
at least his reign outdid Big Show's 45 seconds. That shut Show
caught up in the Orton/Barrett highlights with last week's RKO on the
Justice - "Civilization"
from break, we got the final vignette for next Monday's RAW. Who
will it be? Whose name will the little girl utter? How long will it
be before TNA blatantly rips it off thinking they're being
announcers went over the big matches set for next week's RAW and
Barrett & Randy Orton went to a No Contest in a "Good thing
the ref was knocked out, otherwise Wade not brothering with a pin
might have looked foolish..." Falls Count Anywhere match The
pair started throwing the haymakers right away. Orton won that
battle, before working Wade over in the corner. After a clothesline
to Wade coming out of the corner, things spilled outside in less than
a minute. Orton whipped Barrett into the steel steps for a 2 count.
Orton set up Wade's head on the top of the steps and stomped on it
for another 2 count. Orton looked for the RKo, but Wade pushed off
and sent him into the ringpost. Oddly enough, for someone who had
just taken a header into the ringpost, Orton grabbed at his ankle as
we took a final break.
came back, and we were back in the ring as Barrett rained down blows.
Orton was taken to the corner, where he stomped on Orton a bunch
before picking up a 2 count. Wade set Orton up in the ropes, hitting
the knees to the head and big boot, picking up a 2 count at ringside.
Wade drove Orton into the side of the ring, but Orton fired back.
Wade sent Randy into the guardrail to stop that however, before they
headed back into the ring for a final time.
scored with a big boot for a 2 count before putting on a chinlock.
Orton fought out of it, but took a knee to the gut after bouncing off
the ropes. Wade went to the middle rope and hit an elbow drop for a
2 count, before putting the chinlock back on. Orton punched his way
out, but was mule kicked. Barrett with the pumphandle, but Orton
slipped out of the slam to start his comeback. Snap powerslam
connected, before he picked up Wade on the apron. However, Wade
avoided the DDT. Orton threw Barrett over the announce table before
tossing him into the front row.
sent Wade into the guardrail, on the fans side, only for Wade to
inadvertently take out the referee. Wade got a shot in on Orton and
ran away. This started brawl backstage. Barrett dumped Orton
through a catering table, but Orton rammed Wade's face onto the top
of a backstage set trolley. They fought round a corner to a make up
table, where Orton picked up the chair (a "director's chair")
and took a swing t Wade, only for Barrett to avoid it.
an elevator at the end of the hall opened up, and Wade tossed out the
people in it to try and escape. However, Orton managed to make it
in. This is where things got awesome. Since there was no cameraman
in the lift to film, we went to security camera footage. They got
out of the elevator on some sort of office floor in the building.
However, in a neat touch, the cameraman on that floor wasn't
conveniently stationed at the elevator door, but was shown to be
looking for the brawling pair. At this point, Orton & Wade were
always the hall's length away from the camera. They disappeared
through a door, and as the cameraman tried to catch up, you could see
the pair at the top of some stairs. However, you just saw Wade
launch Orton down them. The cameraman managed to burst through the
fire exit door, seeing Wade at the top of the stair, with Orton
sprawled out at the bottom of them. Wade, realising what he had
done, ran away, leaving Orton barely conscious or moving as the show
- What was great about that closing angle was that from getting into
the lift onwards, it felt like it should do. Usually with WWE, you
could expect some sort of proper camera in the lift. You would
expect the cameraman to be waiting for them to come out of the lift.
All the sorts of things you'd expect from a slick production. But
that the lift camera at least LOOKED LIKE the security camera and
that the cameraman on the office floor had to scramble to find them
make for some really nice touches.
show on a whole was fine enough. Largely match based with only a few
angles, including the Wade/Orton one. I can't help but chuckle at
the Bryan/Show stuff. In a good way, mind. It was as if, tonight,
they were in a race to see who could be the biggest prick to the
other. Indeed, it's almost as if they were in a race to see who
could turn heel first. Which, in fact, makes next week interesting.
You'd think that Big Show would lose in some way and snap, beating
the crap out of Bryan. However, Bryan was such a dick in his
attitude as to how he'd helped Big Show, it possible that it may go
the other way, and Bryan is the one who turns, win or lose.
opening segment was pretty damn well done. There has been something
of a mini-movement on Twitter with Goldust encouraging lobbying for a
Cody vs. Goldust match at Wrestlemania. That said, Dustin is such a
bell-end on Twitter that I'd rather it not happen there. On TV<
sure, and tonight would be a great start for it. That said, if I had
to put money on an outcome, it'd be that Dustin comes out and turns
on Booker, in much the same way that Dusty helped his son to lure Rey
into a trap.
other only real angle on the show being the one started with Drew
McIntyre. It's great to see Drew back on Smackdown where he should
never have left and being used. However, as alluded to, I've seen
these angles done before and I can't think of a single time that it
hasn't been a career killer in the WWE. Admittedly, Drew got hosed
this week as the babyface clearly cheated, but I smell a streak of
this happening, much like how MVP couldn't get that one win he needed
to keep his hefty contract and entrance set and such. And as noted,
MVP is currently plying his trade in Japan. If this is the start of
a "Lsoing streak but he pulls out a win in his last chance",
I can't see Drew lasting 2012, to the WWE's eternal shame.
the rest of the show was just a bunch of matches. None of them
sucked, although none of them were off the charts either. But it was
a strong show for Smackdown and the WWE to end the year 2011 on. And
on that note, this is my last article this year, as Vintage
Collection is on Sunday, which is January 1st. So a Happy New Year
when it comes. Here's tae us, wha's like us. Gey few, and they're aw
deid! Sláinte! You
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