This will actually be the first iMPACT! show I have watched since late March/early April. You may have read some of my reasons behind this in my Jamie Kennedy Experiment column about TNA wrestling. I did however watch “Victory Road” on PPV and really enjoyed some parts of it. It made me realise how much I miss watching characters like Beer Money Inc. or Kurt Angle on a weekly basis. Here's hoping doing these reports will help me get back into the swing of things!
Uncharacteristically nifty video package detailing what went down last Sunday at Victory Road. Basically, the Main Event Mafia are in control of all of the top titles in the company. Did I just hear Mick Foley say he was gonna quit?
Tazz is here! Or make that 'Taz'. Boy he must be glad to be losing the extra 'z' in that name. I'm digging his intro music too, nice job by the production guys.
The main man gives us a little talk through some moments of his career, from old school ECW to being an announcer in the WWE. The crowd boo the mere mention of WWE. Yeah right, as if most of them in attendance don't watch WWE and exclusively watch TNA.. I have nothing against TNA whatsoever but come on, most fans watch more WWE and dabble with TNA from my experience.
Taz has always been good on the mic and this is proved here as he puts over Samoa Joe by saying Joe reminds him of himself many years ago. He also adds that Kurt Angle pushed hard for the services of Samoa Joe and therefore he has them. We are told that tonight Joe will face Homicide ONE ON ONE for the TNA X Division Title. “Beat Joe if you can, survive if he lets you!”..
Decent little match with lots of cool looking moves from both men. In the end, Homicide manages to hold onto his belt when Joe stupidly strikes the referee for admonishing him and is disqualified. Nice little moment where Taz is shown shaking his head at his 'pupil'. Joe chokes out Homicide and thinks he has won but then the DQ is announced. This is really the only finish they could go with to keep Joe looking strong yet keep the belt on Homicide.
Samoa Joe then begins kicking the tar out of Homicide before his LAX buddy Hernandez makes his return and marches down the aisle. They have a MAIN EVENT STAREDOWN before Taz tells Joe to fight another day and they both leave.
Jeremy Borash is backstage with Mick Foley. Foley tells us that TNA Management now view Kurt Angle as the 'golden boy' and encourages JB to talk to Kurt and see if he can shed some light on the situation.
Token MEM in-ring interview..
The boys are out and ready to talk for a while. Oh and there's Sharmell and that gal from Survivor who I never want to see in a wrestling match again.
Kurt Angle assures us that nobody will get fired (huh?) and that everyone will work together to give the fans the best show possible. Meanwhile, in the background, Kevin Nash macks on generic Survivor girl. Who can blame him? She has almost as much in-ring mobility as him so they clearly have something in common. Maybe they're comparing hair products? I kid I kid. I do actually like Nash, I've always been a big fan of him. I'm the guy who liked the WWF in 1995 remember.
Kurt wonders what would happen if the MEM left TNA forever. He calls everyone else on the roster a bunch of losers. This reminds me of the NWO in WCW. Angle also wants to know what Mick Foley actually does for the company..
With that, out comes Foley! He cuts an impassioned promo stating that he feels it's a joke that TNA would miss the MEM. Angle cuts him off to tell him that the real joke is Mick 'working the front office' for years and years. God these 'front office' guys and gals must really be gullible to get worked by everyone.
Angle tells us that he has the keys to Foleys office and we're going to put them on a pole tonight. AW SHIT! I almost forgot Russo was booking TNA. Looks like we have a “TNA Office keys on a Pole Match!” between Kurt Angle and Mick Foley. We also have title defences from Kevin Nash and also Scott Steiner/Booker T. All well and good but why do we have to see a pole match!?
Battle #2 – TNA Legends Title – Kevin Nash © vs. Amazing Red
Booooooooooooooooooring. Pointless squash which does nothing for Nash but makes Red look like a total nobody. The announcers also made him out to be a complete no-hoper. I don't like this kind of thing.
Winner and still TNA Legends Champion: Kevin Nash (definitely not the fans)
Lauren is backstage with 'Super Mex' Hernandez. He says he will be TNA World Champion someday. Homicide and him have a little fiery argument.
JB is also backstage with Mick Foley. He tries to talk Foley out of his match later on against Kurt Angle. Mick says maybe everything should be settled by putting keys onto a pole. Don't you dare give Vince Russo any ideas Michael..
Battle #3 – TNA World Tag Team Titles – Scott Steiner/Booker T © vs. Those 2 guys who were MEM Security
Big Rocco and Sally Boy? SALLY BOY?! Who really wanted to see this? To be fair to the guys in the ring, they did construct the match well and the crowd went APESHIT when Big Rocco splashed Steiner from the top rope. However, this does change the fact that this is effectively WCW all over again.
Winners and still TNA World Tag Team Champions – Scott Steiner/Booker T
Eric Young BURSTS into Mick Foleys office (but will it still be after tonight? Stay tuned!) and goes back on everything he has done over the past few months. Foley tells him to go find the other TNA Originals. Some nice little funny lines in this segment.
Lauren is backstage with Tara who cuts a rotten promo about the TNA Knockouts Battle Royal which is coming up and also on Slick Johnson. Slick Johnson. Hahaha. Oh brother..
Battle#4 - TNA Knockouts Battle Royal
Apparently, the winner of this gets $50,000 and also gets to represent the MEM in the Knockouts Division.
In this match we have – Awesome Kong, Velvet Sky, Angelina Love, Madison Rain, Traci Brooks, ODB, Alyssa Flash, Sojo Bolt, Daffney and Taylor Wilde and Tara.
Traci Brooks won the typically awful battle royal action by dumping both Awesome Kong and Tara at the same time before Tara nailed Slick Johnson. Sorry, but this show has went downhill so badly that I'm stuck making crap jokes.
Meanwhile..
The Beautiful People slag off ODB before Cody Deaner challenges them to a fight. They pretend to like ODB so he'll go away but he ends up thinking they all 'want a piece of the Deaner'. Velvet calls him closer to get a sniff of his aftershave before nailing him in his no doubt slick johnson. ODB runs in to save and gets the line of the night in by saying “I hate those whores”. Cody quickly follows her lead by proclaiming “The Deaner diamonds have been shattered”. More of this light-hearted comedy please and less rubbish matches.
Mike Tenay informs us of the main event for Hard Justice. Why do things need to be so confusing? Sting will get his 'last' TNA Title shot against Kurt Angle. It's going to be a 3-way however with either AJ Styles of Matt Morgan getting the last spot. Instead of simply facing one another for this last spot, they will face off in a best of 3 series. WHY!?
Battle #5 – British Invasion & Sheik Abdul Bashir/Kiyoshi vs. AJ Styles, Beer Money Inc, Daniels and Eric Young
I badly need some fast-paced, good solid wrestling action as this show has just been horrible for too long. I feel as though I've been watching it for 24 hours never mind 2.
Well my prayers were answered with that one. Really nice little TV bout there which ended when Eric Young TURNED HEEL on AJ Styles, bashing him with a nice looking piledriver for Brutus Magnus (who has really come on leaps and bounds in TNA) to get the pin.
I'll give TNA credit, I really didn't see that one coming!
JB is backstage with Eric Young who names his group “The World Elite”. I wonder if we have a new stable in our midst. Brutus Magnus, Doug Williams, Rob Terry, Kiyoshi, Sheik Abdul Bashir and Eric Young. Foley snaps and attacks Young before security intervene. Refreshing segment.
Your Main Event And Mine..
Battle #6 - Keys on a Pole Match for Ownership of Mick Foleys Office – Kurt Angle vs. Mick Foley
Actually much better than I thought it would be but damn, the MEM run in for the non-finish just as Mick is about to snatch the keys after laying Angle out with a mandible claw. So who gets the keys? Apparently, Angle is disqualified for the interference so Foley still has his office. Yay?
Angle berates Foley before introducing Bobby Lashley down to ringside. Lashley predictably turns on the MEM and batters them all with clotheslines and big punches. I'm happy with that I have to say, it gives the 'TNA Originals' a fighting chance. The good guys don't get enough in the way of wins in this company so hopefully that will now change. Smart move to make Lashley the top face. Surely he should be the one facing Angle for the title at Hard Justice though?
And that's the show over. Wow, more action in this show than there was at Victory Road! TNA need something special to set apart their Pay Per Views this writer reckons. They simply feel like 3 hour editions of iMPACT! Thanks for reading, I hope you're still alive..