| From WorldWrestlingInsanity.com ZAH
01-04-08
"..the world is a vampire sent to drain...."
***
Item #1 – If I could be serious for a minute...
Alright...I gotta start things off on a more serious note.
If you'd rather jump into the normal "edu-tainment" stuff that I normally write about, skip on down to Item #2.
Y'see, writing can sometimes be therapeutic...and I'm definitely in need of some therapy this week so I'm going to talk about something personal and get it off my chest.
If you don't want to hear a sob story...move along.
Trust me...I go on and on and on here.
This is your final warning.
Sigh...
2007 wasn't the best year for me.
I mean, yes I started a great new job and my two kids are healthy and happy...so that's definitely a positive.
But I got separated from my wife, which really sucked the life out of my entire year.
But I already moaned and groaned about that back in March when it happened.
So what else could happen to make the year even worse?
Well, just to put some icing on the cake...near the end of the year I found out my mom had a brain tumor.
Talk about suck.
Without getting into too many details, suffice to say it was large enough and deep enough inside her brain that the doctors wouldn't operate.
Luckily there is a new radiation treatment that she took that is thought to be a much better alternative.
So December rolls around and my mom, who is taking steroids to ease the swelling around the tumor in her brain, begins taking the radiation treatments.
Two weeks go by and the doctors are very encouraged.
They think she'll even be driving a car by the end of January.
Good news, right?
And just to make things even better, my daughter flies in from Ontario on Christmas Eve to spend the holidays with me.
My mom seems to be doing great and the CAT scan is showing that there is a decrease in the size of the tumor...so they take her off the steroids a couple of days after Christmas because she's doing so well.
Good times.
Cue New Year's Eve.
My mom went to bed on December 30th at 11pm.
By 1:30am she was throwing up all over the place.
When I got up at 8am (my daughter and I were staying there during her stay), she had been in and out of sleep and throwing up for almost seven straight hours.
Dad thought it was probably food poisoning from the night before because it all happened so fast and his stomach wasn't feeling too good, either.
Well, by 9am my mom couldn't control where she was throwing up.
She was loopy...drowsy...and just wanted to sleep.
Being more tired than normal is a side affect that she's been dealing with since getting the tumor, so that didn't seem to out of the ordinary.
She would sleep for an hour or two and then get sick...and then she'd be good for another hour or two.
By 2pm, I had been to the local pharmacy and they said there was a pretty bad stomach flu going around so that's what we were thinking.
At 5pm my dad went in to check up on her.
This time, though, was different.
She was glassy-eyed...non-responsive...hallucinating...completely out of it.
My dad called outpatients and explained the situation.
They told him to call 911 and get her to the hospital.
He totally lost it.
It's absolutely f*ckin' brutal to not only look at one parent bed-ridden and out of it...but it's even worse to see the other parent crying their eyes out.
Needless to say, he just wasn't able to call 911 himself.
He went outside to clear some snow for the ambulance.
So I called...got it arranged...tried to ask my mother some questions but she just wasn't answering.
Then it hit me...my little brother and my daughter were downstairs oblivious to the situation.
So I went downstairs and explained things...calmly...and asked that they stay downstairs until the ambulance had left.
They came...they got her...they took her away to the hospital.
On New Year's Day, I had to get my daughter ready to fly back home.
I then got a phone call at around 9am.
My dad said two words and then there was silence.
The nurse then came on and told me that they were transporting my mom from Amherst, Nova Scotia to Halifax, Nova Scotia because her specialized needs couldn't be met by the small-town hospital.
My dad took that to be a terrible sign and he was scared that he was about to lose the love of his life.
Me?
I took it as the nurse told me...that the cancer specialists were in Halifax and that's where they would better be able to look after my mother.
I went to the hospital before she left.
She was still glassy-eyed...bald as her wig was still at home...mumbling incoherently...as my father could only sit by her side and sob.
Jesus...I can't tell you how f*cked up that made me feel.
It's haunting.
It's something I'll never forget.
So I kissed her forehead and took my daughter to the airport (another heart-wrenching experience).
She's nine in a few weeks and I only get to see her a couple of times per year.
Much like I did the previous couple of days, I did my best to be strong and not let her see me too upset at her leaving.
So she flies out and I head back to my parent's house with my little brother.
I get the phone call that mom had "come out of it" and was doing much better.
Basically (for those actually wanting to know), when she went off the steroids the swelling around her tumor increased.
This swelling put pressure on the brain...and where the tumor is right where you don't want it to be, all cognitive skills were affected.
This caused the sickness...the delusions...the glassy eyes.
After a couple of days with steroids being pumped into her system, she's almost back to normal.
In fact, she called me herself only fifteen minutes before I wrote this.
Apparently, she has double vision and will have to wear an eye patch for awhile because one eye is actually crossed now (think Jim Duggan) due to the stress on her brain...but otherwise is now fine again.
Hell...she even apologized to me for giving me "a scare".
So yeah...it's been one hell of a f*cked-up week.
I think I feel better now.
It's one of those things, it's weird.
I don't have anybody close to share this experience with now that the wife is gone.
I mean, we're still friends and I've talked to her a bit about mom's condition...but I don't have anybody that I can really open-up to.
I've been working my ass off all week to be strong for everybody else...I haven't had the time to catch a breath and take the time for myself.
So if you're still reading this way-too-long therapy session (and probably a nice little Hallmark movie if given the proper treatment...lol), thanks.
You didn't have to do that...I was writing this more for me than for you...but I appreciate you being interested enough in my crazy-little life to actually read through my sob story.
My readers are, indeed, the best.
Yeah...I do feel better now.
Alright...let's get to something I like to do that makes me feel better on a daily basis...
Boo-yah...here we go!!
***
Item #2 – Making fun of TNA~!!!
One of the big stories online this past week was Dave Meltzer's latest Observer newsletter information on TNA/WWE pay-per-view buyrates.
In the newsletter he admits that, at best, his numbers are estimates based on a variety of factors.
But the reason for that is two-fold.
For one, TNA doesn't release PPV numbers to the public...nor do they have to.
They're not a public company and have no obligation to tell the world how few fans actually buy their product.
The other reason is because the numbers are so small, they aren't tracked closely by anybody.
Here is the unofficial breakdown:
(December 2006) 35,000 for Turning Point (Joe vs. Angle)
Now for those wondering, the smallest WWE pay-per-view was the "ECW
clusterfuck PPV" knows as December to Dismember.
You know the one...it had the Elimination Chamber, the Hardyz vs. MNM, and....umm...oh yeah, those were the ONLY MATCHES ANNOUNCED!!!
Ahem...anyway, so that PPV still had 55,000 buys.
The next smallest after that was 115,000 for the One Night Stand PPV headlined by John Cena vs. Great Khali.
Now I'm not saying that TNA is small, but I think it's pretty safe to say that they are miles away from anything resembling success on the PPV front.
This is a company begging for money...begging to finally turn a profit...hopeful that their money-mark ownership don't throw their hands in the air and call it a day.
They continue to take one step forward and two steps back.
You all know the story...they need better storylines, Impact sucks, they need to push the X-Division...it's the same thing week after week yet nothing seems to sink in.
And for every piece of good news (Impact goes to 2 hours on Spike, more touring dates announced in 2008), there is more bad news (Target stops selling all TNA DVD's because of low sales, planned tours of Mexico and overseas are cancelled because of lack of ticket sales).
So yeah...if this was a "one-off" company and they spent X amount of dollars to put on one PPV (take that silly Carmen Elektra Naked Wrestling PPV as an example), then you could probably get away with selling 20,000-30,000 buys and still turn a bit of a profit at the end of the day.
Maybe...maybe not.
But this company is struggling.
To assume otherwise would be totally wrong.
They topped 50,000 buys on a couple of occasions last year...yet had a hard time topping 30,000 buys this year.
It's reported that they make about 40% of the gross off of PPV's...but is that really enough?
That's $360,000 per PPV (assuming they average 30,000 buys...which they don't).
They're not making any money off of television...they don't make any money from the Impact Zone (Universal Studios don't allow them to charge money)...they don't make any money from merchandise sales (ex: the Target story)...so it's safe to assume that the majority of their income is from pay-per-view.
With their production values, overhead, and salaries...it's no bloody wonder they have yet to turn a profit after more than five years.
15,000 buys for Victory Road.
Are you kidding me??
The f*ckin' Bodog Fight PPV featuring Fedor Emelianenko vs. Matt Lindland almost did that number at 13,000 buys.
Seriously.
F*ckin' Bodog.
Ouch.
Ahhh...I'm beginning to feel better already.
A good TNA bitch session always helps clear the system out.
***
Item #3 – How will Santino react??
The biggest news story of the week (if you're a perv like me) is the "official" announcement (i.e. done by a newsletter, not yet by WWE) that Maria Kanellis will be the special WWE Playboy diva for their annual WrestleMania special.
F*ck yeah~~!!
But of course, the real story is how will WWE book Santino Marella during this period?
Will they continue to have her be the babyface hottie by the heel's side?
Will they make her the uber-babyface by having her walk out on Marella?
Just how funny will Marella's reaction be?
Wow...I never, ever thought in a million years that I'd almost be as excited to see a guy react than to see a naked woman.
I gotta get laid or something...that's just not right...even if it IS Santino we're talking about.
***
Item #4 – Really?
Sting and Randy Savage??
To me, one of the stranger announcements this week was that of the DVD's that WWE plans on releasing in 2008.
Here is the unofficial list (as it's always subject to change):
2/12 – The Legacy of Stone Cold Steve Austin
At first glance, this looks like a great year for DVD's.
The Austin one, where it's a career retrospective, should be a keeper.
Also, the Triple H, Hardyz, Rock, and Edge DVD's should be solid offerings.
I'm REALLY looking forward to the Best of Starrcade, as I never really had the chance to see much NWA during the 80's.
I'm also really looking forward to a Curt Hennig DVD...as he truly was an amazing athlete and his matches will be great to see again.
Obviously, the last two are the ones that stand out the most.
A Randy Savage DVD has been something I've been wanting for years.
Savage was always my favorite wrestler growing up in the 80's and I followed him whether he was babyface or heel.
To later learn of the apparently tremendous animosity between him and Vince McMahon has been disheartening because it's been reported that Vince doesn't even like hearing Savage's name uttered (and give the Stephanie rumors a rest...that has been debunked more times than I can count).
My question is whether this DVD will get the Bret Hart treatment or the Ultimate Warrior treatment.
Will Savage get the treatment that his career truly deserves or will they turn it around and make him come off like some real-life lunatic that nobody liked to wrestle.
And then you've got a scheduled Sting release.
What??
I mean, I'm all for making the most of your WCW library and all...but the guy just signed a part-time extension to continue wrestling for TNA.
Unless the two parties talked and Steve Borden's a free agent by the time December rolls around to he can pimp the DVD...it just doesn't make any sense for WWE to actively promote a career retrospective of a guy who never wrestled for WWE and still doesn't.
Still...this looks like a great year for DVD's.
My fingers are crossed on the Savage treatment and I've already considered the Starrcade one added to my collection.
If anybody knows how to make wrestling DVD's...it's WWE.
A certain smaller promotion should take notes.
***
Item #5 – Stop it, already.
Honest to f*ck...you guys are going to kill yourselves.
Listen...you all know how much I love Ring of Honor...but at some point Gabe Sapolsky needs to step up and tell him wrestlers to stop beating the legit f*ck out of each other and to just f*ckin' wrestle.
It's not supposed to be about how hard-hitting the action is...it's supposed to be about how hard-hitting you make the action look.
This is a work, boys.
Nigel...Bryan...Briscoes...you're all talented enough to get over with ROH fans without legit risking serious injury each and every night.
I'm not saying high-risk moves should be banned or anything...but where do you draw the line?
I'll reserve final judgment until after I see the DVD...but with the concussions reported and a year full of serious injuries (detached retinas, separated shoulders, I could go on and on), it seems quite obvious that a line needs to be drawn and drawn soon.
***
Item #6 – I watched zero wrestling this week.
Whether it was because of the holidays or because everything was pre-taped or because of Item #1, I didn't watch a single minute of wrestling this past week.
Just thought I'd throw that out there.
No reason, really.
***
Item #7 – Target stops selling TNA DVD's due to low sales.
Two trains of thought here:
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Item #8 – Damian Demento is BACK BABY!!!
This guy is a fucking genius. He's back and with a vengeance!!
***
Item #9 –
LOSER OF THE WEEK.
Each and every week, I pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form. This week's choice is only chosen, though, because seeing what he's doing makes me feel a little bit better about myself.
So without further adu, ZAH's Loser of the Week is...
Constantine Maroulis!!!
Yep...when you can't win American Idol, you best have a really good single (calling Elliott Yamin and Chris Daughtry) or jump on the "reality bandwagon" (paging Kimberly Locke)...or else you, too, could end up calling numbers at the f*cking bingo hall...making jokes about playing the "skin flute" while the fat housewives continually walk in front of you with their trays full of tots.
Constantine answers questions in the bingo hall
Constantine calls out bingo numbers (no audio)
What's next on the agenda?
How 'bout performing at a Borders bookstore in NYC?
Can't make it?
No problem.
You can check out his next show three weeks later at To Be Announced.
Oh yeah...you've pretty much hit rock bottom here.
The good news?
There's nowhere else to go but up.
The other good news?
You made me feel better about my own f*cked-up life for just a moment.
The other REALLY good news?
You're
ZAH's Loser of the Week!
***
Pillar to Post
Each and every week (well...NORMALLY each and every week) I take three statements that you, the WorldWrestlingInsanity.com readers, have submitted on the hot topics du jour and then get two or three volunteers to give their thoughts and insight. Ladies and gentlemen, this week I bring to you three great Insanity readers in JT, Fritz Stephey and kat_bb3!!!
1. Agree or Disagree
JT
:
Disagree.
Fritz Stephey:
Disagree.
If 2007 wasn't close to rock bottom, I dunno what would be. They managed through a lot, in a short span of time, hell, even bounced back. There's a lot of rising talent, and with the return of Cena and Lashley in view...well, it could very well be a solid year.
kat_bb3:
Agree.
I can't imagine that they could suddenly fix ALL their problems (of which there are too many to count on some nights” over night. I do think that the quality is due for an upswing and I am trying to be optimistic. I just think that very tepid optimism is a good way for 2008 to shine for the WWE. It might also help if they have a less tragic and ultimately healthier year. A few more tragedies might put a strain and undue interest on them. I think we should at least pretend to be mildly optimistic.
2. Agree or Disagree
JT:
Disagree.
Fritz Stephey:
Disagree.
Unless TNA makes some major decisions fast, they'll be sitting right where they are. While I think some editions of iMPACT! as of late have been decent, and some of the pay-per-views have been better than expected, overall the product leaves you feeling "meh". That boils right down to how they're handling their creative decisions.
kat_bb3
:
Agree with a big BUT...
They could break through and embrace an identity. I think that with a little TLC they can make it a good, entertaining year. It will take work and fan support but it might be a good year for them. At least most of their fans won’t have to fake mild optimism.
3. Agree or Disagree
JT:
Disagree.
Fritz Stephey:
Hopefully: I really can't agree or disagree with the statement. There's definitely the potential for that to happen, and I would want nothing more than that. There's great talent across the board, and there's great matches waiting to happen.
kat_bb3:
Disagree.
I think that the negative attention pro wrestling has brought (largely on itself) won‘t be helping them this year. I think the product on most fronts has to change, if they hope to engage new fans. I know that people don’t get wrestling any more, and thanks in no small part to the WWE becoming ridiculous AND boring. I don’t want to hear all that noise about how wonderfully different and good ROH and to a lesser extent TNA is, they are not what Joe Blow the casual fan from 1997 knows about right now, all they see is Chris Benoit going crazy and Vince pretending to die.
***
Great job, guys. Thanks for participating!! Hey...wanna be part of an upcoming column? This truly is open to everybody! And yes...I'm talking to YOU!! Have you ever wanted your opinions to be heard or read by thousands every week?
,
,
No problem. Seriously...it's not a problem at all. NOW is the time for you to volunteer. Really...RIGHT NOW!! You can let me know either by e-mailing me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com , hitting me up at ZAH Nation (found on the Insanity Message Board ), or look me up on Facebook as ZAH Insanity and letting me know that you'd like to participate (and then join the Insanity Facebook page ).
So until next week, take care.
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